The Ride

"It's a nice day."

Edd turned his head to look out the sliding glass doors leading to the back deck of his house. A pale, late-March sun highlighted the leftover puddles from the previous day's rain. "It does appear to be, Kevin," he agreed. "I checked the weather this morning and we should have clear skies. Perhaps a little bit of a chill, but the weather should be mild and the temperature will warm up by mid-day." He turned back to his task, stacking dishes into the dishwasher from their breakfast.

Kevin, who was cleaning the counter, hummed. "Good day for a ride," he drawled.

"A ride?"

"Mhm." Kevin looked over the counters, thinking they should pass Edd's inspection. "On the bike."

"Ahh, yes, of course," Edd said with a slight frown. For the past week, he and Kevin had spent every evening working on his motorcycle – a cherry red Suzuki – in Edd's garage. Edd, who was a whiz at mechanical things, helped tune it up, clean the engine, and give it a thorough check-up. The bike now purred like a satisfied cat, and Kevin had taken it for a spin before meeting up with his friends for their Friday night diner date while Edd spent his evening with the Eds.

Edd had yet to ride on it, as it wasn't ready for the road until Friday. Since it had rained Saturday, the pair took Sylvie's car to the movies for their date. Kevin lamented the fact that they couldn't ride the bike, but Edd was relieved because he didn't think he wanted to ride it.

Not that he hadn't ridden on crazy vehicles of his own invention before. It was just – he had no control over a bike driven by Kevin, and he didn't have a helmet anyway.

"We could, you know."

"Could…?"

"Go for a ride," Kevin said patiently.

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh."

"I do not know, Kevin," Edd responded, closing the door of the dishwasher and pressing the buttons to start the cycle. "I do not have any protective headgear."

"It's okay, Dee. I got you a helmet last week."

Edd looked up at him, noting the satisfied grin. "Oh, Kevin, you should not have had to purchase one for me."

"Sure I did!" Kevin said. "I'm not gonna let you on the bike without one!"

That was, of course, not what Edd's true objection was. "You still should not have."

"It's not a big deal, Dee. I want you safe."

"I appreciate it, Kevin," Edd murmured. "Perhaps it is still too chilly for a ride," he tried.

"You just got done saying it should warm up."

"I said there may be a bit of a chill."

"You also said mild. And mild is good enough for the bike."

Edd lifted his hands to his chest to pull at his fingers. "I do not think I have appropriate clothing, Kevin." Maybe that would work.

"You've got a jacket, Dee. That's pretty much all you need. You'd wear jeans today anyway."

Edd racked his brain, trying to come up with another excuse. "What if someone should see us?"

Kevin shrugged, stepping over to the sink to rinse out the cloth he'd been using. "They probably won't recognize you with the helmet," Kevin reasoned. "Or recognize me, either, for that matter. I'd take the bike outside town, up the highway."

Curses. Edd's excuses were not making much of a dent in Kevin's determination. "Perhaps you should go alone, Kevin. I do have homework…" he started to say.

"What's this about, Dee?" Kevin asked, finally turning his full attention on Edd as he dried the hands he had just washed. "You never lie to me. You said Friday you'd finished all your homework for the weekend."

"I could, perhaps, work ahead on my history essay…"

"Edd…"

Uh oh. His real name. "Kevin…"

"Do you not want to be with me today?"

Edd blinked in surprise a few times. "No. No, Kevin, that is not it at all. You know I do not like being apart."

"Then why all the excuses. And the lie?"

Edd sighed, resting a hand on the countertop in order to focus his gaze on it. He couldn't meet Kevin's eyes. "I do not think I want to ride on your motorcycle," he admitted in a small voice.

"You don't? Why?"

"I am a little afraid of it."

"After all those crazy things you used to ride around on with the Eds?"

"I was in control of those, Kevin."

"I drive my mom's car."

"Yes, but a car is statistically safer than a motorcycle in many ways."

"You don't trust me?"

"Oh, of course I trust you, Kevin," Edd said, looking into Kevin's eyes with an anxious expression. "I trust you completely."

"But you'd still be afraid on the bike with me."

Edd lifted both hands helplessly. "Yes. I am sorry. I cannot help how I feel."

Kevin frowned. "I know that Dee. I just…" he shrugged again. "I looked forward to rides with you."

Now Edd felt guilty. Kevin's expression and the slight dejection to his voice caused his stomach to clench. He hated to disappoint Kevin. He knew how much Kevin loved to ride his motorcycle. He'd talked constantly about it for over a month after the snow had disappeared. Kevin was so happy to work on the bike, especially with Edd's help.

"Perhaps I should have spoken up sooner."

Kevin's eyes studied him, his frown smoothing into something more neutral – neither upset nor happy. An expression that made Edd feel worse as the silence stretched too long for his comfort. "Yeah," Kevin finally said.

Oh, dear. Edd knew how Kevin was. He could see Kevin adjusting his mind on this. Moving from his visions of riding his bike with Edd behind him to visions without him. Because Kevin wouldn't insist. He wouldn't demand. He never would push Edd into something he didn't want. He would accept it and adjust. Always concede. In everything. While Edd appreciated the respect Kevin showed him, he also didn't want this relationship to be lopsided. It should never be only what Edd wanted.

So, despite his fear, he thought maybe he could put it aside. It meant a lot to Kevin to take Edd for rides on his bike. Watching Kevin give up the idea physically hurt Edd. He felt his heart constrict, though Kevin didn't say a word of protest.

"I am sorry," Edd repeated. His finger pulling increased. "But, I suppose I can face my fears. I know that I feel safe with you. If you take it slow at first."

It was as if the sun burst through the clouds, much as it had directly after sunrise this morning. Kevin's whole expression shifted to excitement, sparking up his green eyes. "Yeah?" he asked with unmasked enthusiasm. "Don't worry, Dee! I won't go fast or do anything crazy. I promise."

"Do you like it?"

Edd gazed down at the helmet in his hands, turning it over to look at it. It wasn't obvious, but Kevin had found one the same red color as Iron Man's armor, complete with similar gold accents. Not only had Kevin thought enough to get him a helmet, but he had also picked out the perfect one for Edd.

"I love it."

Kevin beamed. "Here, I'll help you." He took the helmet from Edd, turned it, and gently worked it over Edd's hat, snugly down onto his head. The weight felt strange, but comforting in a way. It had a small visor that came down over his eyes but was clear enough to see well through. Kevin's came down over his face, so Edd wondered why he had bothered to worry about being recognized on the bike. There was no way anyone would know either of them.

Kevin fastened the chinstrap for him and then tapped him on the top of the helmet. "Feel okay?"

"Yes, Kevin. It fits very well."

"Not too tight? Too loose?"

Edd shook his head, adjusting to the way the weight shifted. "It appears to be perfect."

"Good!" Kevin put on his helmet, a dark blue one that reminded Edd of Captain America's color. "So, there're footrests for you," Kevin said, pointing out the small rests that protruded to the side behind and above Kevin's footrests. "Just be careful of putting your legs back and here against the engine. You could get burned."

Edd nodded, though he knew this already. It would be his first time on a motorcycle like this, but he wasn't unfamiliar with the build of it. Had he not worked on it all week with Kevin? He smiled, thinking of how fun it was – the two of them sitting on the garage floor, patiently cleaning the engine and piecing it back together. Perhaps they could work on more projects like that someday.

Edd stepped over to the door into the house and pressed the garage door button to open it. The garage had no cars in it – his parents had sold theirs before leaving for Europe. As Edd was only fifteen when they left, there was no need to have one for him. He only had a state-issued identification card, not a driver's license, so he couldn't drive legally. They would take care of that first thing once they returned.

Kevin straddled the bike and looked expectantly at Edd, his visor up for the moment. Edd approached warily and Kevin held out his hand. Edd took it, gripping tightly as he swung his leg over the bike and settled in. "I'll go slow, but hold on tight, okay?"

Edd nodded, sliding his hands around Kevin's sides. Okay, this was a nice aspect of being on the bike. Kevin between his legs like this, his inner thighs pressed all along the outside of Kevin's, his hands pressing against Kevin's firm stomach. He could peer over Kevin's shoulder at least, so he thought he'd feel more comfortable with the ability to see forward.

A little gasp as Kevin straightened up the bike to raise the kickstand. It felt much more wobbly now, though Kevin's feet on the ground kept it stable. Edd couldn't stop the convulsive tightening of his arms and he felt Kevin's chuckle. He frowned slightly, though he knew Kevin wasn't laughing at him.

A brief flicker of thought hit him, as Kevin leaned over to lift his foot to start the bike. Anyone in the neighborhood would certainly hear Kevin's bike and seeing it leave Edd's garage would raise questions, but at least they were at the front of the cul-de-sac. With a rev of the engine, the thoughts scattered from Edd's mind as Kevin eased a bit on the throttle and the bike moved forward.

If this was slow, Edd didn't want to see fast. He clung tighter to Kevin, pressing the front of his helmet between Kevin's shoulder blades as the bike left the cul-de-sac and went right, which Edd knew led toward the more rural area outside of town. Oh dear, Kevin needed to slow down! Edd's heart was in his throat and all he could envision was flying off onto the side of the road, hoping his helmet would withstand the impact. It was a disservice to think that. He trusted Kevin, but goodness this was fast.

His eyes were squeezed shut and he wondered how Kevin could withstand the squeeze of the arms around him. Edd had him in a death grip, clenching his arms so tightly that Kevin probably couldn't breathe. It was some time before the bike slowed down and came to a stop. Edd didn't release his grip, though he felt Kevin's hand pat his.

"You okay, Dee?" Kevin called over his shoulder.

Edd made a sound, though he wasn't sure if Kevin even heard it. Edd didn't look up, just pressed his helmet firmer against Kevin's back. That chuckle, the hand pat again, and then the bike started moving.

Eventually, Edd grew used to the movement. It was a smooth ride, to be sure. He wasn't sure where they were at the moment, but the roads in and around Peach Creek were decent, and he could sense there wasn't much traffic around them. Kevin at least wasn't dodging anything with his bike. He didn't take many turns and only stopped a few times at what Edd assumed was stoplights or stop signs. He refused to look up for a good part of the first half-hour.

That eventually, however, got boring. He felt his grip loosen a little the last time Kevin stopped and patted his hands, giving them a little squeeze as the bike idled. He managed a nod at Kevin's repeated question if Edd were okay. The bike shot forward again and evened out at whatever speed Kevin was doing.

Edd finally inched his head up a little, bit by bit, until he peeked his now-open eyes over Kevin's shoulder. He ducked quickly down again. Goodness, they were going fast. But after a moment, he peeked again. Maybe not so fast, he thought. No more so than Kevin drove in the car. It only seemed more immediate without the protection of steel around one.

He could see, however, how Kevin handled the bike surely, confidently, and safely. He knew Kevin had had the bike since he was thirteen and had a smaller bike when he was a pre-teen. So logically, Edd knew Kevin could be trusted with handling it. It just seemed scary at first.

But. It was also exhilarating, a feeling that surprised Edd. His grip loosened a little more and he straightened, peering further over Kevin's shoulder and now bravely glancing around. He had no idea where they were. It didn't look familiar, but it was a two-lane highway flanked by trees. Somewhere in the country, likely north of Peach Creek. There was a car far ahead of them, but other than that, they were alone on the road.

The terrain turned slightly rolling, bringing the bike into slight dips of valleys and steady climbs – nothing steep, simply the rolling geography of the Midwest. The road curved, Kevin leaning slightly to steer the bike and Edd leaned with him. It felt…fun. A feeling of excitement bubbled up in him. As the ride stretched out and Edd relaxed more, he understood clearly why Kevin loved his motorcycle. It felt free and wild, with the scenery flashing by and the wind tugging at the hair on Edd's nape. The way the bike tilted into curves, the thrum of the engine underneath him, Kevin's solid body in front of him – Edd was in heaven.

As Kevin was going fairly slow, it was easier to take in their surroundings. Mostly trees, draping themselves in new foliage for the spring. This might be a nice ride to take in the fall, though he realized he and Kevin wouldn't be here then. He hoped Maryland had similar drives because he planned to have Kevin take him for a ride on the bike there.

Which made him realize he was addicted to this now. The thrill of the ride had seeped into him and he knew he loved it as much as Kevin did. He didn't think he'd ever want his own bike, nor would he ever want to drive Kevin's. He was content behind his boyfriend, holding onto his body, trusting him with everything in him. He squeezed again, hoping Kevin understood this was a hug and not a terror-filled clutch of arms.

It seemed he did. He slowed the bike as they approached an intersection where the stoplight turned yellow. Two cars were ahead of them and Kevin's foot was firmly on the road to keep them upright. "Hungry, Dee?" he called over his shoulder.

"I am, Kevin," he called back.

Kevin lifted a hand and pointed to the opposite corner, where a run-down shack advertised food. It didn't look promising, but two hungry boys weren't too particular about looks. When the light turned green, Kevin went through the intersection and pulled into the gravel parking lot.

The silence when Kevin turned off the bike startled Edd, though the purr of the motor still rung in his ears. His thighs were numb, though he still felt the warmth of Kevin's body and, to be honest, it excited him a little. This was an unexpected benefit of being on the bike.

Kevin lifted off his helmet as Edd let him go and scooted back a bit. He undid the chinstrap of his own and struggled to get the helmet off without taking his hat off as well. Kevin dismounted and hooked his helmet on the handlebars before turning back to Edd. "Need a hand?"

"I almost have it," Edd said, biting his lower lip as he eased the helmet past his ears and off his head, successfully managing it. "There!" he said, grinning at Kevin. He swung his leg over to dismount, laughing. "I feel as if I should not be able to stand on my own two feet!"

"Here," and before Edd could slide off the bike, Kevin's hands gripped his waist, lifted him off the bike, and settled him onto his feet. It was intimate and Edd probably didn't need Kevin to lift him off, but he enjoyed it – the feel of Kevin's strong hands on him and the sure way he confidently manhandled Edd to his feet. He loved it when Kevin picked him up, so this was just a version of that.

His cheeks pinked up as Kevin took Edd's helmet from his hands to hang on the other side of the handlebars. He still felt a little unsteady, but with Kevin's hand on the small of his back, they wove through the picnic tables in front of the shack to the ordering window.

The food stand boasted a simple menu of hot dogs, hamburgers, and chicken tenders. They ordered and then went to sit at a table to wait for their food. Kevin kept looking at him with a little smirk until Edd finally asked what his smile meant.

Kevin didn't answer right away. He picked at the top of the picnic table, worrying out a small sliver of wood. "Your eyes. I can't stop looking at them."

Edd blinked those eyes. He knew Kevin liked their color – his boyfriend told him often. He was confused as to why Kevin focused on them now, however.

"My eyes?"

"I've only seen them shine like that a few times."

Edd wasn't sure what to say, though warmth returned to his cheeks. "Oh?"

"Mhm."

"And when did they shine like this?" Edd asked, a small smile appearing as he gestured toward his face.

"Oh, usually when you were excited about something. Like when I told you I liked you. When I told you I loved you. When we, you know, that first time."

"Are you sure they do not shine like this whenever I am with you?" Edd teased.

"Yeah, they do. Only sometimes, there's this look in them. Like you're especially excited about something."

Edd thought about it. The times Kevin mentioned were certainly special ones. They were all first times for something too. The first time someone said they liked him romantically. The first time someone said they loved him romantically. The first time he was intimate with someone. Was riding the bike akin to that? It was an exhilarating experience and reminded Edd of times he'd been on thrill rides. He grinned, looking across the marked up table at Kevin.

"It was especially exciting to ride the bike with you," he admitted. "I know I was hesitant at first, but after I became accustomed to it, the experience was thrilling."

Kevin grinned widely and opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted as the guy from the counter plopped a tray on their table. "Thanks!" Kevin said, which earned a grunt before the man went back to the shack. He slid the cheeseburger Edd ordered over to him, drew his chicken fingers to himself, and placed the basket of fries between them. As he unwrapped his straw for the milkshake, he said, "So, you liked the ride?"

"I did, Kevin," Edd responded, then sucked a little on his straw. "Mmm, this milkshake is delicious. It was rather fun, once I was able to open my eyes."

"I can't lie, I liked how tight you held on," Kevin teased.

"And I liked how you felt between my legs."

Kevin's jaw dropped and he stared open-mouthed at Edd. The sight got Edd giggling, which dissolved Kevin into laughter. "Oh my god, Dee…you never say stuff like that!"

The ride home was as pleasant as the ride out. Even more so, because Edd enjoyed the entirety of the drive. He held on tightly enough, but not in a terrified way. He liked the feel of Kevin's firm and lean body within the circle of his arms. It gave him many ideas and made him yearn for the comfort and privacy of his bed, though he had to admit it was fun on the bike. The smile on Kevin's face, anyway, was worth everything.

As the scenery flashed by, scenery that became more familiar the closer they got to Peach Creek, Edd thought about that smile. It was a simple thing that Edd had done. Logically he knew nothing should happen on the bike ride, so his fear was rather unfounded. Kevin wanted it, didn't pressure him about it, Edd did it, and it turned out all right, with the result that it made Kevin happy.

It seemed like a metaphor to Edd. For their situation with his reluctance with coming out and not hiding their relationship. Kevin wanted it and didn't pressure him about it. Edd knew things would come out all right when they came out. And with that thought, he realized he now thought of it as a 'when' instead of an 'if'. Was he more comfortable with the idea?

He still feared for Kevin. One of the things about sitting with Kevin and their friends at lunch was it allowed Edd to see how well Kevin got along with his other friends. He could see how much Kevin enjoyed his friendship with them. The three of them - Jake, Ben, and Joel - were all rather nice and though Edd was still shy with them, he did think they were good people.

Would they abandon Kevin?

Edd didn't like stereotyping, and Edd of all people knew you couldn't assume jocks could be assholes. Look at Kevin. He wasn't. He hoped Kevin's friends wouldn't be either. He couldn't bear to be the cause of Kevin losing friends.

Because, the little thought that never went away at the back of his mind, what if Kevin thought Edd wasn't worth it?

His arms involuntarily clenched at Kevin's torso, earning him a little pat on his hands – a quick one so Kevin could put his hand back on the handlebar. Edd hated the little nagging thought because he knew it wasn't true. Kevin loved him. Told him many times every day. Showed it in a million ways. They had a future planned together already. Vague plans, to be sure, but they knew the next four years would be together at college.

Kevin wouldn't have planned all that with him if Edd wasn't 'worth it' to him.

Edd's mind drifted then to prom and the end of school. Graduation parties and get-togethers during the summer. With nicer weather and a myriad of school-related events, how could they avoid being found out? They hadn't talked about prom yet, but Edd didn't want to miss out, because he suspected Kevin would want to go. Their mothers were planning a joint graduation party…surely, Kevin would want to invite more than their cul-de-sac friends.

He squeezed Kevin's torso again, pushing the thoughts from his mind so he could focus on the enjoyment of this moment. The adrenaline rush from leaning into the curve of the road and the rev of the engine as Kevin sped back up once past. The utter trust he put in Kevin to keep him safe. The full heart he felt as Kevin handed him the helmet picked specifically for Edd. The way Kevin smiled as he helped Edd off the motorcycle. That's what he wanted to concentrate on right at this moment.

The ride.