Chapter 23: Love Is the King (Jeff Tweedy)
I fell asleep watching Ari twirl around an empty room and woke up a little while later to another dancer, standing at the edge of my bed staring out the window, her red hair was tucked neatly in a bun and her hands rested on her own, much smaller baby bump.
"Hi." I said and she turned to me with a small smile on her face.
"Hey, I'm glad you're awake. How are you feeling?"
"T-tired."
"Well you're glowing, and you look insanely healthy."
"Fat. I know."
"Not fat, although, I think I'm a little plump too."
"H-how f-far?"
"Five months, it's a boy."
"That's...a-awesome."
"Thank you."
"Y-you c-came for B?"
"I did and she was smart to call me because if she hadn't, I'm fairly sure it wouldn't have been long before her bosses started digging. As of now, they think she's taking a leave of absence before casting starts up in February."
"H-have you t-talked to her?"
"Briefly, I was allowed to see her on video last night. Thanks to her years of therapy and medications, she went in there and didn't hesitate to talk. Susan says they have diagnosed her, she didn't tell me more than that. She gets out tomorrow morning and the bosses called her in, so I get to see up close where her head is. I came to see you, because oddly my loyalty is with you too. I just want to make sure you are okay."
I rubbed my belly and brushed my fingers through my hair, feeling a little self-conscious in the face of how put together she looked. This had been my competition at some point, but my journals had been correct, we'd become friendly...she had moved on.
"D-did s-she h-hurt you b-back in August?" I asked, not bothering to address her concerns.
She flinched and I knew what I suspected was right.
"She went too far during her visit. I shouldn't want to help her, but I knew that by helping her, I was helping you. I owe you so much. If it weren't for you, I would still be chasing her, and I wouldn't have met Siobhan. You are the reason; I've got this little guy on the way." She grinned as she rubbed her stomach. "I wanted you to know that I'm here in the city and even though Susan told me that Britt told you...I know she can fall back on her lies. I promised you that I would always be upfront. So, I'm here for you and with you, I may not be in love with Britt, but I love her, and I want her to continue getting help."
"Me too."
"Good. I'm glad we are on the same page and with even more transparency, Siobhan and I will be here until February, we are renting a house across from the theater and we invited Britt to stay with us since her lease is up at the end of this month. She needs a network that's outside of your family. It's unorthodox but I think it could work."
In the past, I would have shot this down immediately, but I knew that she was right. Britt needed a network.
"A-agreed."
"I also know you'll probably feel a little more comfortable with her having Isaac with some supervision around...especially after his stitches."
The growl in my throat was louder than I expected, and Frankie flinched again.
"Y-you will h-help h-her?" I asked.
"You have my word."
"G-good."
"I'm glad I got the chance to talk to you, one on one...you have my number if you need anything, want to check in, or just need some insight from her point of view. I know it's silly because you two are like soul mates but sometimes you can be too close to a situation to have full clarity. You taught me that. It wasn't until I fully pulled away from her, that I could see things for what they were."
"T-too m-much credit." I said, waving her off.
"No...it's the exact amount of credit. You changed my life and I am super grateful."
Then it hit me, the way I had topped her...the way she called me Papi...the way that she looked at me after, with awe.
And then I was laughing so hard that I nearly peed myself.
"Papi c-cares." I said and she blushed, then she was joining me in my laughter.
I had grown so much in the time before my coma, it was astounding and she was spot on, having distance from who I was and who I became, helped me to really appreciate just how far I'd come.
After Frankie left, I thought I was in the clear to finally get up but then the door opened.
"Was that Frankie that just left?" Q asked and I nodded. "Well shit, any memories?"
"Yup."
"Were you about to get up?"
"Yup."
"Need some help?"
I sighed, wanting to do this on my own but knowing that it would probably be easier with Quinn helping me.
"Yes."
She put her bag down and went into the bathroom to start the shower, before coming back to help me into the wheelchair that I wasn't intending to use. God knows my stubborn streak and had sent me the queen of making me follow rules.
While she helped me stand at the sink so I could brush my teeth and wash my face, she hummed to herself.
"T-talk." I said and she cleared her throat.
"Sorry, I know you hate when I do that. I just...had an argument with like your whole family and then Celia didn't defend me so now I'm fighting with her too."
"Do I w-want to k-know?"
"Probably not, so I'm just going to leave it be. I came because I missed you."
"And to e-escape."
"That too."
I watched as she gently ran the washcloth over my body and then rinsed my hair before pinning it up. I was grateful for her height in that moment. Once I was back in the chair, wrapped up in a towel. I saw the shift in her face for a split second before she tried to keep up a brave face.
This wasn't the first time since I had been awake since I had seen her shove down whatever she was feeling, and I didn't like it one bit.
But I knew that with Q, you had to bide your time, you couldn't just rush her or ambush her.
She was gentle as she helped me into the new pajama top that Marco had brought me. It had a monogramed red S and was all black. He still knew my tastes and I hoped that carried over to the pedicure that I was badly in need of.
Once I was back in bed, sitting up with my journal in my lap, I crossed my legs and then patted the bed.
Q raised an eyebrow but sat down tentatively.
"It's okay to n-not be okay." I said to her and she rolled her eyes. "I'm s-serious, Q. I got you. Y-you are my f-family too. M-more t-than any of them."
She tried to put on a brave face, but I knew that my words had landed in the way that I needed them to.
"You say that but then when you aren't around, they treat me like an interloper or like some person that is trying to insert myself into the family and take over. I want to say, where the fuck were you people when she was losing her baby...when she was losing her fucking mind, but I don't. It's bullshit." She was crying now but I could tell that the tears were more out of anger than sadness.
How long had she been walking around feeling so angry?
I leaned forward, taking her hand in mine, and waited until she was looking me in the eyes.
"I got you, Q."
"How, I mean you are here all sick and shit."
"D-doesn't mean I can't p-put my foot down."
"Thanks, San."
"W-we are b-bullies, you know that but so are you."
"I shouldn't have to do that though; we are grown and Celia at the very least should have had my fucking back."
"Yeah. I know."
"We've been bickering for a while now and honestly, she's a distraction. She wants to settle down and I'm not really ready. I'm a freshman in college."
"I t-told you t-this." I said and she rolled her eyes.
"I know but, I guess in high school, I was more mature than everyone in every room...including most of the teachers. I thought I could handle it but it's different in the adult world. You know?"
"Yes."
Then I thought of Sandra's words from a few days ago.
We were kids still. Not even 20...of course we were struggling.
Celia was 28, she was established and ready to start a family.
Q had started a family technically at 16, now she was trying to be independent.
"I think I want to take a break."
I flinched...how many times had I heard those words from B.
Fucking breaks.
"Y-you need to talk to her."
"I will, do you think it would be okay if I just hide out here tonight."
"M-marco will b-be here in the m-morning." I said and her eyes got wide.
"What, now?"
"Y-you've been b-busy. H-here...I w-wrote bout it." I said, feeling too exhausted to talk about yesterday.
I handed her my journal to yesterday's entry and then watched her eyes get wide.
"No fucking way...I am so pissed I have finals tomorrow; I'm going to miss all the action. I'd pay good money to see Marco give you a pedicure."
"I'll t-take pictures."
"Yes, please! Okay, I'm going to change and then I'm coming to cuddle you, be ready."
I grinned and then straightened out the bed.
My phone chimed and I just knew it was Ari.
And it was...but that wasn't my only message.
We will be there first thing, berry purple or noir magic?-Ari
Got out early. Home with mom. Work in am. See u for lunch?-B
Noir magic, obviously.-Ana
Awesome, B. I'm excited to see you. Oh, don't bring outside food. I already got in trouble for it.-Ana
I knew it! He stole my whole kit. Sweet dreams, Anita :)-Ari
Sweet dreams, babycakes!-Ana
Oh! Good to know. I'll just bring Izzy.-B
Perfect, night night, Britt-Ana
Night.-B
By the time that Quinn was back in the room, looking refreshed from a new round of tears, I was on my nightly call with my son.
Sandra had been calling each night so that I could see him, but I was missing seeing him all the time. It seemed like each time that I saw him, he had grown and was more alert than ever.
"Ki Ki." He mumbled sleepily.
I blew him a kiss and he grinned as he laid against Sandra.
"So, your mom is going to take him to Britt's tomorrow morning and drop him with Susan. Are you sure you don't want us to just come to the hospital?"
"No. I-I need l-low st-stress. S-she will just g-get w-worked u-up sssince Br-Britt will be here."
"Not going to lie, she's been feeling some type of way that you asked the family not to visit you for a few days but then she found out that Ari's been there and Marco...now Quinn is there. We are your family, Santana."
"T-this is w-what I mean. Th-there's a-always a fight. I n-need p-peace. N-not even M-marco w-worked me up."
"How about next week? It's the week before Christmas...can we come then?"
"One at a time." I said. "Let m-me see m-my son." I said and she put the camera back on him. He was asleep now and I hated that she had been so fucking busy complaining to me about Mami's feelings that I had missed it.
"Sorry, sis." Sandra said.
"N-night, Papa." I said to him.
"Ki ki." He mumbled, peaking an eye open at me.
I blew another kissed and watched him close his eyes again with a grin as he puckered his lips.
My sister wished me a goodnight and then ended the call.
Quinn sat there stone faced as she texted on her phone.
"M-my f-family is o-out of c-control." I said to her and she huffed.
"Tell me about it. I offered to be the one to take Isaac to Susan, but your mom insisted that it had to be her. She wanted to make sure that Britt wasn't a fucking lunatic, her words, before letting her grandson stay there. I argued, said that he is Brittany's child too and that she would never hurt herself or him purposely. She went on to tell me how she used to think that about Britt with you and I was nervous because she's in a fragile place, the last thing Britt needs is hurricane Gladys showing up."
"Yeah...I-I get w-what she's s-saying though."
"Of course, please don't tell me I'm wrong too...I can't handle any more fights."
"I'm on y-your side. Sh-she w-would never hurt a kid. Ever."
"The stitches was Sandra's argument and then Celia chimed in...told me that Britt's hurt me...that she's hurt you...that she's hurt Frankie."
"Y-you?" I said, because that was news to me.
"She hasn't ever physically hurt me; you know I would put her down...most of her stuff is emotional abuse. She is always taking blows that I'm not a real mom or how could you trust me with your kid when I gave up mine. We've had it out, when it got to the point that I was her only friend in New York and I was the one who convinced Sal to find a way for her to be on probation instead in prison...things changed."
"G-good. S-sorry that s-she cr-crossed that line."
"Me too but, I handled it. The common thing is Britt has abused the people she's had romantic feelings towards. The deeper the relationship, the more aggressive she gets. We only made out...so she's never crossed that line but with you and Frankie...well she has. I hope things change."
"Me too."
"You know, sometimes I regret coming here. I feel like I would have been at peace in New Haven."
"S-sorry."
"No, I would have regrets there too. I would have been concerned about Isaac and you...I wouldn't have been able to be the buffer for Britt and the family. I'm needed here and I think, I'm not used to that. Judy and my father always relegated me to the background. With you and the Lopez women, I'm always in the know...until lately."
"I-I owe you s-something b-big...w-what d-do you w-want?"
"Nothing."
"Name it."
"I'm never going to ask you to compensate me for my troubles, Santana. I just think, I need to feel a little protection from your family. I get why Britt pulls away from them, they are terrifying and so fucking nosey."
"I got you."
I fell asleep that night in Quinn's arms, feeling all of her love and protection and knew that I needed to do more.
Only, I needed to be subtle like a Fabray.
Done.
Early the next morning, before visiting hours, when I was picking at my breakfast, Quinn kissed my forehead and promised to check in on me tonight. I could see the exhaustion on her face and knew that what I had decided was going to lighten some of that load.
Good morning, Sal-Santana
I was biting my lip as I stared down at my phone, waiting to hear from someone who I hadn't talked to since before my coma.
Santana Lopez! How are you?-Salvatore
Great, how's my money looking?-Santana
I've missed your down to business tone. Your portfolio is extremely healthy, nearing the 100m mark.-Salvatore
Holy shit.
What are the rules for setting up a trust fund?-Santana
You already have a family trust fund.-Salvatore
I know that. I want to pay for someone's school, but I don't want them to know it's me.-Santana
Oh really? That's amazing, we could set up a scholarship-Salvatore
Really? How long would that take?-Santana
Well, your father always wanted to set up a scholarship at his alma mater but never got around to it. He wanted it to be an excellence award. Would you like to do that? Please note that this loophole does not need Sandra's sign off since you won't be getting the money yourself.-Salvatore
Wait, I can pull it from my inheritance without Sandra?-Santana
Yes, up to 1m-Salvatore
That's amazing, can you arrange 1 million and name the fund something pretentious and keep me anonymous. I already know who I want it to go to and she won't take the money if she knows it's from me.-Santana
Is it for Ms. Fabray?-Salvatore
You know me well.-Santana
I will handle it. When you are up for it, let's have a non-business conversation. I know about your stutter, word travels so I imagine the phone is hard, but I don't mind a stutter. I will overnight the paperwork to you, where would you like it sent?-Salvatore
Send it to Columbia Medical Center at my attention. Bed rest until baby comes-Santana
On it, I'll have courier deliver the paperwork tomorrow or Monday-Salvatore
Perfect and yes, let's have a chill convo soon. I miss ruffling your feathers!-Santana
I miss being ruffled. Be well!-Salvatore
"Someone is in a good mood." Ari said as she came into the room with a Tupperware container. I raised my eyebrow because I had never realized she was so rebellious before. "Before you ask, I talked to your doctor, bringing you fruit is allowed...so I brought you a fruit salad."
God this girl was going to be an amazing wife someday...just not mine...but you know, never say never.
I noticed that she was alone and looked towards the door and was about to ask but she leaned in and kissed my lips. Our faces were just inches apart when she looked in my eyes.
"I haven't told him about us hooking up. I thought it was better that way but when Susan and Britt come by, they might...should I say something."
I heard the door crack open and closed the gap between us, capturing her lips and nibbling on them. She groaned and I heard a wolf whistle from Marco. No need to tell him anything...actions speak louder than words.
Ari kissed me one more time before pulling away and pushing the fruit bowl into my hands.
Marco was pulling up a chair to the end of the bed and had a smug look on his face.
"So, when did this happen?" He asked Ari.
"It's not serious...you know as well as I do where her heart is."
He glared at me but more pitying than anything else.
"You stringing my baby cousin along, Anita?"
"S-she knows w-what th-this is." I said.
"And you're okay with that Ari?"
"It works for me, Moncho. I'm not ready for serious and she just needs to learn healthy relationship habits because you sure as hell didn't teach them to her."
He put up his hands and nodded.
"Okay, fine. You're both adults, I just know that casual can get hard...but if you two have drawn your boundaries and have talked this through, I won't meddle. You both deserve love...easy and amicable."
"Damn right." I said, smugly pushing my feet from under my covers and wiggling my toes.
"Hey, don't aim those weapons at me!" Marco joked and I glared.
"Be nice, Moncho...she can probably silently communicate with the baby...do you want her to talk shit that you can't even defend."
"Point made." He said and then hovered next to me, his hands flexing like B's do when she wants to touch me.
I pulled the blanket back and he saw I was wearing his gift and grinned.
"May I?" He asked, all nice and shit.
I nodded and then he was kneeling down, running a hand over my belly, and murmuring to the baby.
"No t-talking shit." I muttered and he smiled sweetly at me, but I could the deviousness in his eyes. "Ass." I said and he cackled.
This was such new and weird territory for me, but it wasn't completely unfamiliar, when he wasn't a psychopath, I got along with Marco. We had the same sense of humor and had a lot in common...that's why we used to get along before everything happened. If we were falling back into those kinds of people, who were at ease with each other but could still take digs, then I could live with that.
But I was cautious.
With him, I just had to be.
Before anything could happen, my phone was ringing, and my tablet was blinking with a video call.
Mami was trying to video chat and Susan was calling me.
As bad as it sounded, I picked up Susan's call.
"Yeah?"
"Santana, I'm sorry to involve you but your mother is out of control. She wants to interrogate Brittany before she hands over Izzy and she's on a warpath. I cannot have her mess up the progress that Brittany is trying to make. Brittany is down at the theater right now and your mother wants to squat here until Brittany gets back and I'd rather that not happen."
"I'll h-handle it."
"Thank you. She's in the living room asking for Brittany, I didn't tell her where she is...I didn't want her to go rogue looking for her. I'm locked in the bedroom."
"She is c-calling. J-just go out th-there."
"Okay."
I hung up with Susan, then I sat up in the bed fluffing my hair and fixing my face. Thank God, Q had touched up my face before leaving this morning, knowing that I'd want to look fly in the presence of my ex-husband and ex-wife.
When I answered the video chat, Mami had a scowl on her face as she bounced my screaming son.
"There you are! Did you answer her call instead of mine?"
"Stand...down." I said, making sure to focus on every syllable.
"What?"
"Isaac is B-Britt's son. Sh-she only n-needs to ans-answer to ME." I growled.
Mami looked shocked that I was ready to attack.
"I'm trying to protect him, Santana."
And God, I didn't want to do it, but someone had to knock her down a peg.
"L-like you pr-protected me? N-no th-thanks. I trust Susan."
"Over me?"
"Right n-now, yes."
"After everything? First you tell me not to come to the hospital this week and now you are choosing another woman over your own mother?"
"This is n-not a comp...etition."
"You know what, fine, take him you bitch." Mami said and then the video chat ended, and I just sat there floored.
Quinn had watered it down, my mother and my family was more than out of control, they had lost their fucking minds.
The machines started blaring and then I felt the pain that came with a seizure and I felt a sob leave me as I rubbed my belly.
"Shhh, beba...I'm s-sorry." I hiccupped.
Marco stood looked helpless, but Ari was in front of me, wiping my face and rubbing my arms, talking me through my tears. As I calmed, so did the baby and then Dr. Cabot was coming into the room with Dr. Ramirez on her heels.
She did not look undisturbed like yesterday once she was looking at the numbers.
"Everyone out." She said in this cold voice, "Take the devices with you." She pointed to my tablet that was still clutched in my fist. Ari grabbed it and then kissed my face before having to literally pull Marco from the room.
He looked so panicked...so did Ari.
Then I felt the stickiness on my legs.
I looked down...blood...and my heart dropped.
Fuck...this wasn't good.
"You can't continue like this Santana." Dr. Cabot was saying. "We need to get her out."
"N-not without B." I said.
"We may not have time for her to get here." Dr. Ramirez echoed.
"Please?" I squeaked.
They shared a look and then, pulled the sonogram machine over and she pulled up the stirrups.
"I need to check on her now and find the source of bleeding that will determine our next move, Vero can you contact Brittany, Santana is not going to be calm until she's here."
Dr. Ramirez rushed from the room and left me with Dr. Cabot and when I saw that fierce look in her eyes, I knew immediately why I hired her. She was in this to save my baby's life and then mine, like I had wanted.
And by God, she was going to make that happen.
"Well?" I asked after a moment.
"You have a tear in your scar tissue it looks like. Your water is intact." She was mumbling to herself and then pushed the probe inside and the baby came up on the screen. She was facing down with her thumb in her mouth. "Heartbeat is strong."
Dr. Ramirez came back in as Dr. Cabot left the screen on but was updating my chart.
"What's the verdict?"
"Superficial tear in the scar tissue around the cervix."
"No way, that's it?"
"Yeah, baby is unaffected."
Dr. Ramirez gave me a thumb up and nodded.
"That's good news, Santana. Means you might be able to keep her in a little longer...but we should run a few more tests. I talked to Brittany; she is coming straight here from the theater."
"Okay." I was silently crying as I watched the baby curling up, she was going to sleep just like she always seemed to do after a seizure and I just wanted to watch her all day long. "Wh-what's n-ext." I asked...rubbing my belly and watching her kick in response...while feeling it. My anxiety calmed a bit after that, and I was able to actually hear my doctors.
Dr. Ramirez came over to the top of the bed and brushed my hair from my face.
"Dr. C, is going to take us to a sterile room, there's an OR down the hall, so that she can sew up your cervix."
"L-like b-before?"
"Yes...then you should be able to have your company but no more than three at time."
"W-with I-Isaac?"
"Yes."
When I was wheeled out into the hallway, there Britt stood looking flushed and nervous.
"What's going on?"
I looked to Dr. Cabot and she gestured for Britt to come along.
Seeing her brought back more emotions...more memories.
One in particular was her face when it was time to take out Isaac, that look was similar to the one she had now.
But then we were in the OR and I was being moved onto the table, it was just me, Dr. Cabot, Dr. Ramirez, and Brittany.
"Is the baby coming?" Britt asked.
"N-not yet." I said and then held out my hand for her.
"Wait...I gotta wash my hands first." She moved over to the sink and washed her face and hands while I got situated, then she stood by my side, one hand over my head and the other hand in mine.
"We are putting a few stitches in her cervix and repairing a tear she has."
"Oh, like she had in Lima?"
"Yes." Dr. Ramirez said.
"Dis-distract me." I said to B as I looked into those eyes, that carried all the worries and fear that I had.
"Um...sure. Frankie is here, she told me she saw you and she told you about offering me a place to stay. I told her that it was a good idea and I have a new therapist, she's super awesome. She has an office full of doctors and there's one that's there she deals with drug recovery and eating disorders." I must have flinched because she bit her lip and stopped talking but I smiled at her and nodded, for her to continue. "She thought, it would be good for us both to see therapists and I know you talked about seeing someone...I have her number if you want it."
"She does!" Dr. Ramirez said from the other side of the bed.
I raised my middle finger, and everyone laughed.
"I do, B."
"Awesome."
I hissed all through the stitches because the local anesthesia was obviously not enough.
"Is I-Isaac here?"
"No, I came straight here, mom is still at the apartment with him and your mom."
"W-wait..."
The machine beeped and Dr. Cabot tsked.
"No stress talk, Brittany."
"Oh, I didn't know...okay um, all of our routines are nearly complete. The script is almost done and there will be a few new songs, but they are waiting for the cast. We are going to start picking them in February. I am still working but I don't have any responsibilities except dancing, Frankie is handling the big stuff, she was going to handle it all but because she's pregnant and I'm not...they still need me to dance, which is okay. It's all I really want anyway."
Watching Britt ramble on about dance and watching her eyes light up like they used to, gave me more hope than any words from anyone.
She was still in there, MY Brittany.
And I swore right in that moment, I would do everything in my power to make sure she stuck around even if I had to do it as her ex.
Isaac deserved to have her like this and so did this new little baby.
This Brittany was the one I fell in love with and I could feel myself swooning over her.
"And done!" Dr. Cabot said and I was shocked, watching Britt had distracted from the pain.
She was my home...I could see now why I had trusted her that day...the part of me that loved this version of her, would never think she'd hurt me but just like with Marco, I had to tread lightly.
Feeling hope did not mean feeling trust.
That was still something she'd have to work on, but I was willing if she were able.
When we got back, the hallway outside of my room was crowded with people and I looked to Dr. Cabot.
"I-I'm t-trying."
Before we were in earshot, she said to me and Britt both.
"Who needs to leave?"
I hesitated and looked up at B...feeling anxious.
"Her mother and...I'm not sure...is that Marco?"
"I-I want him here." I admitted and Britt stopped walking, so Dr. Cabot stopped too.
"You do? Why?"
"Tr-trust me...please, B."
"Okay...then, Marco can stay but maybe both our moms should go. They both look like they're ready to fight."
Dr. Ramirez smirked.
"Lucky for you guys, I'm off the clock...I think I will take them out for a drink."
"Thank you, Doc." B said, "That will make all of this easier."
Dr. Ramirez walked ahead of us and walked towards the moms, I watched her work her magic as we started moving down the hallway again. Ari saw me first but didn't move or say anything, she just smiled at me.
My heart raced at the calm she was projecting, if Britt was my home, Ari was my church.
I'm not sure which is better, but I know that I need both to survive.
By the time we got to my room, Mami came over and kissed my face and then made going out with Dr. Ramirez seem like her idea and while Susan seemed unsure she placed my son in Britt's arms and promised to come see me tomorrow.
Once they left, Dr. Cabot asked Ari and Marco to wait a little longer while she got me settled.
I was grateful for the reprieve because I felt so exhausted and could use a moment with Britt and Isaac.
My son was whining when he saw me, reaching for me and calling out for a kiss but then Britt was whispering in his ear and he was giggling. Sure, I had vague memories but seeing her with him up close in the present was a beautiful thing.
They were perfect together with their matching eyes and giggles.
It was like looking at my entire world and I vowed to protect their relationship with my everything.
Having him was keeping her sane and from the sounds of it, I had taken him from her for two whole weeks...and she had become completely unhinged. I wouldn't make that mistake again.
She couldn't rely on our son for her sanity but at the same time, when that was all that she had in this city after our divorce, I could understand her feelings.
Once I was in bed and Dr. Cabot had given me a long list of things that I absolutely was not allowed to do, to eat, or to experience...she was even tabling my physical therapy until after I gave birth. The baby was officially top priority and anything that could jeopardize that, including PT was ending...including overnight visits.
And despite my trepidation about Dr. Cabot when I first woke up, my feelings were beginning to align with the past version of myself. She was the absolute perfect doctor for me because when it was necessary, she took charge like few could when it comes to me.
She reminded me of Brittany and me combined.
Dr. Ramirez had been too close and too lenient on me when I was pregnant with Isaac, so I took advantage. Past Santana didn't want that again. It was the decision of someone fresh out of rehab with a fresh perspective and a determination that I didn't develop yet back in February.
When the doctor left us alone, I felt so much calmer about things and that was exactly what I needed because this was officially, the very first time that I was in a room with just Brittany since she had nearly killed me.
Isaac for all of his presence in the room, didn't count because if things went south, there wasn't much he could do to save me.
But I didn't feel even a measure of nerves.
"Are you okay if it's just us for a little bit?" Britt asked, looking ready to go grab someone if I felt scared.
"I am."
"I want you to know that no matter what comes next, I love you and I'm going to keep loving you...and if that means that I can't be back in your life as your wife for a long time...that's okay. I will be the best Mama and hopefully, the best friend to you."
"T-thanks."
She put on a show for us and just leaned in close, our pinkies linked...and then our hands.
I was trying to trust and have faith in her.
There was so much I wanted to know about her diagnosis and her medicine...her time without me...but I wouldn't push.
Mami and I differed in our approaches. I couldn't bulldoze through everyone, some people...like Britt needed finesse and patience.
Despite what Sandra thinks, our ages mean nothing...we were as adult as could be...I couldn't manipulate like I had in the past. I had to give the honesty and trust that I wanted in return.
It wasn't long before the crazy morning caught up with me and I fell into a peaceful sleep with Britt holding my hand as she hummed to Isaac.
All seemed right with the world as I cradled my belly with my free hand.
But I have learned, that in my life peace doesn't last long.
Color me surprised though when I woke up to Marco and Britt quietly having a conversation. Isaac was curled against my side with my arm around him and Ari just on the other side of him next to me.
She was studying and keeping an eye on the exchange that was happening at the foot of my bed.
"Before you ask, they've only been talking a few minutes." I looked over and Ari was looking back at me with a small smile. "How are you feeling, sweets?"
"Better."
"Good. Britt updated us; we won't stay too long. He wanted to talk to her and give you your desperately needed pedicure."
"W-well tell him to g-get to w-work and I w-want to k-know wh-what he's s-saying." I said, feeling the baby start to stir inside of me. I kept my hands pressed against my belly, trying to stay calm for her and all I got was a few kicks before she relaxed again.
Thank the Lord.
"Moncho, stop Ana says to get to work and to keep her looped in on this convo."
Marco looked up at me and rolled his eyes.
Britt shuffled closer to me and rubbed my legs.
I laid there, feeling surrounded by love as Marco began to wash my feet with a warm washcloth that he had waiting in a plastic basin.
"Isn't there a Bible story about washing feet?" Britt asked and I looked at her, feeling completely thrown.
"What?" I asked.
"I've been um...reading your Bible...and taking classes. Cata um...something."
"Catechism, Britt." Ari said nonchalantly, then looked at me and shrugged. "She wanted to surprise you. After she got shot, I've been helping her with the Bible and helped her get into classes. She wants to become Catholic like you." Ari said, then looked back at her textbook like this was no big deal but this was huge fucking deal.
Brittany S. Pierce was adamant that she didn't believe in God.
This was a complete reversal.
And...well I was shocked.
"Yeah, B...th-there is." I said and she smiled at me, seeming so proud of herself.
"I know it's crazy that I changed but after I got shot, things were different. I felt like God saved me that day and I wanted to understand what you believe in...plus it makes me feel like there's more than just this."
There were tears now and she grinned. "Hey, don't get worked up, okay...please?"
I tried to breathe when I felt the baby moving because she was right, I didn't want to get worked up, even if I was feeling everything right now.
"So back to our conversation, Brittany...it has come to my attention that you are feeling a little insecure about being a parent to that princess in there." He said and then waited for her response.
B looked at me and then my stomach, not bothering to look back at Marco.
"I love her, I tried not to because I feel like you'll take her but how could I not love her? She's Izzy's sister and half of the woman that I love."
Marco finished washing my feet and then began to clip my toenails, a look of determination on his face.
Isaac curled tighter against me and then let out a fart and we all smirked.
How is it even that was cute?
"Oh God, he farts like a grown man!" Ari said as she waved her hand in front of her nose. "I think he pooped."
Britt was on her feet and reaching over me pick him up. "I'm on it."
She managed to get him changed and back next to me without disturbing his sleep, how could anyone doubt her parenting skills?
The more that I saw of Brittany today, the more I was sure that there was hope for us yet.
Marco had moved onto rubbing my feet with lotion and Britt was watching him like a hawk, I could see the spark of jealousy there, but it wasn't angry like before. This was something totally different.
It made me smile but then Ari was leaning next to my ear.
"She's not whole yet...you have to give her the space." I nodded. "Her commitment is admirable but that person who hurt you is still in there, let her figure that out. Okay?"
"Yeah."
She kissed the side of my face and then went back to her textbook, when I looked back at Britt, she was watching me and I could see it...the little bit of anger and I knew that Ari was right.
"Mama?" Isaac called and was looking around while rubbing his eyes until he saw B.
"Hey buddy, I'm right here."
He held his arms out for her and she picked him back up and cradled him in her arms.
The calm was back, and I thanked God for the reminder that all was not right...not yet.
"So, I have no plans, Brittany. I can't be a father to her or a parent at all. My past is still catching up with me. I'd rather just become someone she can be proud of and I have a lot of making up to do. I'm not Ian. He held onto Anita; he was hesitant to give up his rights."
"How do you know that?" Britt asked.
"Anita told me, she tells me more than she realizes sometimes."
I shrugged because I probably had.
"How do I know you won't go back on your word?"
"I won't make any claim on her to begin with. You two fill out the birth certificate and leave me out of it. The state of New York doesn't require a father's signature, as long as the birth mother approves, any consenting adult can be listed as a second parent. Which means that even though you are divorced, you can be the second parent officially."
"Are you sure?"
"I am. That's why I'm here, other than correcting this one's feet...I wanted to assure you that I'm not standing in the way."
"Thank you."
"I just have one ask." He said and I rolled my eyes and pulled my feet up.
"R-really?" I said and he nodded.
"Just one."
I wanted to argue but Britt put a hand back on my thigh and looked at Marco.
"Name it."
"That no matter where your head is, you never ever put Santana or those kids in danger. Promise me." He looked murderous and I should have known it would come down to this.
Britt didn't even flinch or hesitate.
"I promise. I swear, that will NEVER happen again."
"Good. She doesn't need another monster in her life. Once was enough." Then he reached for my feet and pulled them back towards him and I let him. "Now, I'm going to finish up, so you guys can have some family time before your doctors kick us all out."