Title: Christmas Tree Confessions

Author: SneetchesToo

Rating: Teenish (edging on Mature)

Pairing: Ethan/Rox; mentions to past Ethan/Leanne

Summary: Rox didn't realize that spending Christmas with Ethan would be wonderful, and yet.

Author's Note: I may have fudged the timeline slightly and I'm sorry for that. Also, these two mushes are going to be the death of me. That is all.

—

Rox had been over the moon at Ethan's proposal to spend Christmas with him and his father.

And when he had told her that they could even get a Christmas tree she had almost lost her mind.

She couldn't remember the last time she had had a Christmas tree, real or fake. And she was so excited to decorate it and sit and stare at it for hours.

They had had a blast picking out the tree and she had felt her heart melt every time she would catch Ethan looking at her with that twinkle in his eye.

She may have loved him, but he was clearly head over heels for her, and it made her swoon.

She couldn't believe that she had ever gotten so lucky.

They set the tree up Friday night after getting home but they had decided to wait until Saturday to get decorating.

Martin declared that they needed more decorations and Ethan had been happy to oblige. So much so that she was pretty certain he had bought out what little Target had left in the way of Christmas décor.

They had spent the afternoon decorating around the house a little and then once the sun had set and they had eaten dinner they had tackled the task of decorating the large tree.

Ethan had kept his promise of starting a fire, despite it not quite being necessary in the way of temperature.

And then he had put on Christmas music and his dad had rolled his eyes as he sang along to every song.

Horribly, she might add. Very, very horribly.

But she loved him for it nonetheless.

After they had finished with the tree the three had collapsed onto the couch and admired the view for a bit.

She had started to doze off and she heard Martin say something about turning in for the night.

Ethan hadn't responded and she wondered if he had fallen asleep.

But then he was shifting positions and pulling her to down onto the couch to lay beside him.

She felt the blanket fall over them just as his arm settled around her shoulders, his face nuzzled against her neck, and she let out a soft sigh as she opened her eyes and took in the scene.

She never in a million years thought that she would be lucky enough to be laying here with Ethan, in front of a Christmas tree, all snuggled up and warm.

"It is a rather large tree." She whispered into the silence.

"Good thing Robbie liked vaulted ceilings huh?" Ethan simply nuzzled his face into her neck even more and she felt his lips graze over her skin.

"Was he really into all the cheesy stuff?" She could only imagine if he was anything like Ethan that cheesiness was probably how he did everything.

"Totally. He would have loved this tree." She could hear the sadness in his voice and it broke her heart. He never talked about his brother much and she had often wondered what the younger Willis man had been like. "And he would have loved decorating it by fire light and singing Christmas carols. He probably would have even made hot chocolate and hung mistletoe."

"He sounds like he was a good guy." Robbie sounded just like Ethan, and Ethan was as good of a guy as they came, so she could only imagine that he was similar to his brother in that way.

"He was the best." Ethan's voice was barely a whisper and she chanced a look at him. His eyes were closed but there was a soft smile on his face.

She was thankful that the memory of his brother brought him some happiness amongst all the sadness his death had ultimately brought.

"You miss him?" She knew that was a silly question. Of course Ethan missed him, how could he not? He was his little brother.

"Everyday." His lip tilted slightly as he leaned his head against hers with a soft sigh.

"I wish I could have met him." She wished more than anything that she had gotten to know the younger man. She bet she would have loved him as much as she loved Ethan, and Martin for that matter. Those Willis men sure had wormed their way into her heart these past few months.

"He would have loved you." The soft smile on his face told her that they would have probably been quite the pair. She bet that they would have given Ethan a run for his money. "You two would have been hell on wheels together, but you would have definitely gotten along."

"What was he like?" She wanted to know everything about this man, everything that Ethan was willing to share at least.

"Not that much different than me." She gathered that. "He was a little louder, a little more, out there. He was definitely the rowdy one of the two of us."

"I can see that." She could see Robbie being the wild child to Ethan's relaxed and calming demeanor. "You are very mellow in your old age."

"Who you calling old?" He shot her a soft look as he chuckled a little.

"I'm just saying." She shrugged her shoulders as she buried her face against his shoulder.

The age difference between them wasn't something she ever let bother her before. She had been with men much older before, and while she was in fact much younger.

Nine years was nothing these days. At least not to her.

"You're the one sleeping with the old man." He waggled his eyebrows at her and she let out a laugh.

"And the old man has quite the stamina if I do say so myself." She wouldn't trade him and his old man ways for nothing. Especially not when she consider how amazing he was in bed.

For an older man, he certainly had some moves.

"You're rotten." He dropped a kiss to her forehead as he tightened his grip around her shoulders.

"And you love me." Of that she was certain.

She may have doubted a lot in this life, but Ethan's love for her was something that she was starting to come to terms with more and more.

"More and more with every day that passes." The way his eyes twinkled in the low light from the Christmas tree made her heart burst at the seems and she couldn't help herself from trying to snuggle even closer to him.

"What did he like to do? I mean, I remember you saying he liked to write. Those poems that he wrote, they were beautiful." Her mind flashed back to another time when Ethan had held her this close to him. They hadn't been dating back then, in fact, they hadn't been anything. But she would never forget the way his arms felt wrapped around her. The way his breath tickled her neck as he recited the words from Robbie's favorite poem to her. "Was that his only hobby?"

"He liked to travel, which he did a lot with the Army. He'd been everywhere." She imagined that must have been pretty amazing. She had never been anywhere. In fact, other than a few trips to Seattle to see Emo's family, she hadn't been outside of Los Angeles. "Italy, Hong Kong, Australia, Brazil, you name it, Robbie had probably been there."

"Korea?" She had always wanted to go back to the place her parents were from. They had both immigrated to the states when they were children and she remembered her grandmother telling her stories about how beautiful it was there.

She still had a few aunts there if she wasn't mistaken. Her mom's sisters who had gone back after they had gotten old enough to move out on their own.

"Lived there for a year." His words were soft against her ear and she let out a quiet sigh.

"I'm jealous." She would have loved to have lived there, even for a little bit of time.

In reality, she would have just loved to have seen something other than LA and it's tacky, touristy nature.

"I'll have to see if I can find the pictures he sent me while he was there." She offered him a soft smile as she turned to face him. She hoped he could find them because she'd love to see them. "He said it was one of his favorite places. We were supposed to go back someday."

"Maybe we can go together instead?" She knew it was a stretch, but it was worth a shot.

"I'd like that." The smile he offered her told her that she may not be thinking to far out there though.

"What did he do besides travel?" He offered her a soft hum as he closed his eyes for a minute.

"He loved to rebuild old cars." Her eyes must have gotten real wide because he offered her a soft chuckle as he let his fingers brush over her cheek. "There's a Corvette in the garage that we were supposed to restore."

"What year?" She was curious, very, very curious.

"'67." His eyes twinkled once more and she found herself falling even harder.

"Damn." She loved old cars, antiques really. She remembered being real young, before her father had lost his way, and watching him work on his old Mustang in the garage behind her uncle's house. It was probably the only fond memory she had of her father.

"You like old cars?" His fingers had fallen to brush over her shoulder then and she let out a sigh as he pushed at the material of her t-shirt.

"Apparently I have a thing for anything old." She winked at him and he huffed, but his smile never faltered.

"Wicked." He leaned down and captured her lips in his then and she let out a soft moan when he let his tongue trace over her lips.

"Indeed I am." She whispered when he finally pulled away. "Are you ever going to restore it?"

"Maybe one day. I haven't been able to open the garage since Robbie died." She could see the torment in his eyes and it broke her heart. She had never seen Ethan look so lost before. "All his stuff was put there after the funeral and I haven't been able to bring myself to go inside."

"I'll go with you one day if you'd like." She reached up and ran her fingers along his cheek as she spoke. "Inside the garage I mean. I'd love to see that car."

"I'd like that." He leaned his cheek against her palm and she let her thumb brush over his stubble as she turned her attention back toward the tree.

They laid there for a little while longer, just simply enjoying each other's company.

Ethan had let his hand fall to her hip and his fingers were dancing softly over the exposed skin above her leggings.

She could tell that he was itching to let his hand reach down further, but she was thankful that he was refraining.

"The tree is leaning." She whispered softly.

"Don't say that." He mumbled against her ear.

"Well it is." She turned her attention back toward him but his eyes were closed and his face was nuzzled against the pillow.

"Let's just hope that dad doesn't notice." He whispered.

"Oh he'll notice alright." It was kind of obvious, though, she thought it was slightly endearing to be honest.

"Well not if you keep your mouth shut he won't." He opened one eye and gave her a soft smile before nuzzling his face against her shoulder.

"So what's for Christmas dinner anyway?" She was still trying to figure out what exactly his dad had meant by that. "Are you guys traditional or do you just make whatever?"

"Don't know. Last year I worked Christmas Eve and we always get Chinese on Christmas Day." She could get down with the Chinese food on Christmas Day thing. It sounded like a decent enough tradition to follow. "Year before that I was with Leanne for Christmas. Don't know that we ate much of anything though."

She knew that he and Leanne had been a thing at one point. What kind of thing, she wasn't quite certain. But it was still taking some getting used to when he mentioned his past with the other woman.

She liked Leanne, a lot. In fact, they were really good friends.

But it was still weird to know that she had once shared a relationship with the man that was now hers.

"So you have no idea what your dad's going to make?" She wondered if he had traditions like that as a child.

"There's no telling." But knowing his father, it could be the most random thing ever.

"I don't even know what a traditional Christmas meal is." She was pretty certain that she had probably worked every Christmas since she was old enough. She had always been the one who seemed to take other people's shifts for them so that they could enjoy the holiday with their family. "We've never really celebrated, not since I was a child."

"Emo wasn't big on it?" His eyes were soft when she turned to face him and she offered him a gentle smile.

"We would have a small tree and she would bake cookies. We'd exchange a few gifts, but that was it." She shrugged her shoulders before turning her attention back to the tree across from them. She hated thinking about it, absolutely hated it. "We never went all out, not once I got older anyway. She would make it special for me when I was a kid, as much as she could that is. But my parents certainly didn't care. I don't think they ever decorated or even got a tree. Maybe once."

"That sucks." He dropped a kiss to her ear and then one to her shoulder and she let out a soft whimper when he let his thumb brush over the small scar on her right hip.

"What about you? Did you guys decorate a lot when you were little?" She hoped that he had better Christmas memories than her. He certainly deserved to have some sort of peace of mind about the holiday.

"We did for a while. Dad used to hang lights on the house in North Carolina. We'd get a tree and decorate it." She wondered if he had pictures somewhere of his Christmas' as a child. She'd love to have seen him and Robbie opening gifts or standing in front of the tree. She bet they were downright adorable. "Mom would make cookies, Robbie and I would make lists for Santa. Up until mom got real sick we were pretty into the holidays."

"It must have been hard on you guys. To go from having so much to things being so screwed up." She couldn't imagine having such a perfect life and then all of a sudden, not.

"It was… it was an adjustment. Dad, he kind of just shut down. He didn't want to accept that mom was sick." She totally believed that. Martin was a tough cookie and he certainly didn't let his emotions take control. She bet that it had been hard to watch his wife get so sick, especially knowing that there was nothing that he could do about it. "Robbie was still so young, he was only 4 when she was diagnosed. He didn't understand."

"And you did?" She turned her head back toward him but his eyes were focused on some far off point across the room, a sad expression on his face as he spoke.

"Not really. But I faked it." That was totally believable too. Ethan was always one to put on a good front. "I acted like it didn't bother me, mainly for Robbie's sake."

"You were a good big brother." She had no doubts in her mind about that one.

"I loved that kid more than anything." There was a small smile on his face at that comment and she let out a chuckle. "He was a royal pain in the ass, but I wouldn't have traded him for anything."

"I'm sorry Ethan." She couldn't imagine losing a sibling, especially not the way that he had. She had never had any siblings, at least not ones that she knew, but she knew it had to have been hard on him.

"It's okay. It happened and most days it's best to just act like it never did." She hated that he saw things that way. He deserved so much better than the tragic things that had happened to him.

"I get that. Hiding things away is sometimes the easiest way to deal with them." That's certainly how she dealt with things, especially things related to her past.

"It's certainly not the healthiest, but…" He turned his attention back to her then and he offered her a solemn look. He knew exactly what she was referring too and it scared her that he knew her so well.

"Sometimes easy isn't always healthy." She knew that statement all to well too.

"You would know huh?" He almost sounded salty and it made her heart hurt a little. She knew that her distance was hard on him, especially given how open of a person he was.

"I never handled my issues Ethan, I just buried them." She had had Emo, and Emo's husband Jim, but they hadn't been prepared to take on an emotionally troubled teen. They had put a roof over her head, and they gave her what support they could, but they weren't able to fix her like she needed. Instead, she shut down and she closed everyone out. "It worked back then, but look how fucked I am now."

"You're not fucked up." He nuzzled his face into her hair and pressed a kiss against her hair. "You're perfect and I love you."

"You are so full of shit." She mumbled.

"Maybe I am, but when it comes to you, I am nothing but honest." She had started to get that vibe from him. She knew that while he was gentle and delicate with her, he was also willing to put her in her place when she needed it.

"I'm glad I found you Ethan." Her words were whispered as she turned her face into his.

"That makes two of us." He pressed a kiss to her nose before letting his lips fall against hers softly.

She heard him let out a soft growl in the back of his throat and she smiled into the kiss, her fingers tangling in his hair as she dragged him closer.

She certainly was thankful that she had found him.

And she certainly planned on never letting him go.

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