Chapter 25: Isn't She Lovely (Stevie Wonder)

After being sewn up and given an EKG to make sure my heart was okay, I was wheeled to my room feeling like I could sleep forever. Dr. Cabot and Britt had gone off with the baby before they closed me up, so when I was headed to my room without a baby in my arms it gave me an extreme case of deja vu.

The emotions were bubbling below the surface, but I still had on an oxygen mask that was reminding me that this time was different.

I wasn't in trouble and there would be no social worker hovering.

When I got to the room, there sat Britt and Mari, waiting with smiles on their faces.

Yeah, this time was definitely different.

Britt could see the worry on my face and stood up, just behind the nurses who were setting me back up.

"Does she still need that mask?" She asked the room and my sister came through once again.

"She should be in the clear, Britt, they just need to do a vital check before they take it off...sit a little longer."

I watched Britt sit with my sister, who immediately took her hand.

Not once since I had been awake had I seen my sister, so I wasn't sure what her take on all of this was but I should have known, she is a doctor and if anyone is clued in on the effects of a mental illness...it was her.

Maybe she had moved past anger...or maybe she was just putting it aside for me?

Like Mari had said, the nurses were checking my vitals and then Dr. Fuentes came into the room and did another check to make sure I was coherent.

Finally, he gave the all clear for the mask to come off of my face.

"Any questions?" He asked me and then looked at my sister.

"C-can I see her?" I asked and his face softened.

"Of course, she's getting some tests right now, but Dr. Cabot will bring her right down as soon as she's done."

"Do I-I need t-tests?" I was getting anxious and I think it was evident by the way I was practically glaring at him; they had insisted that I needed to give birth and now it seemed like a waiting game.

Then again, the baby had been in distress...calm down Lopez.

"Yes, I have been bumped to second in line though. The head of cardio is in surgery and will be the one consulting on your case at the request of your sister, unless you disagree." He raised an eyebrow, but I didn't hesitate.

"Ok."

"Why didn't they let Brittany go upstairs with Dr. Cabot? That's her daughter too." Mari said before he could escape.

Dr. Fuentes looked flustered as he looked back at my sister, who was asking a question that I didn't even know to ask. They didn't LET Britt go but they let her cut the umbilical cord? It made no sense.

Now I could see why Britt looked so worried.

"Santana..." He then looked at me, remembering that I was there and coherent. I raised my eyebrow this time and he nodded. "Right, sorry, in your file it says you're divorced and the last spouse of record for this hospital is Marco Vega. We didn't have his contact information."

"But she has a medical POA. Is that person up there?"

He looked like he wanted to shrug but Papi had always said, doctors aren't supposed to admit fault or that they didn't know something. He looked at his tablet and then tapped in something.

I could see his anxiety as he waited and they he smiled.

"Actually, yes, Ms. Fabray was notified, and she is up there now."

Relief filled me that my baby girl wasn't all alone.

Britt though looked hurt that at the end of the day it was Quinn that was there for me, but she had to know that there was no way I could rely on her right now. Not after she put me in this whole shitshow in the first place.

She should be glad that it's Q and not my mother...this would be a lot messier if I hadn't thought to change it.

"Good, thank you Dr. Fuentes. Can you let us know as soon as the doctor is out of surgery?"

"I'll have someone let you know. Get some rest Santana, while you can." He smiled and then, after looking over my monitors said, "I will also let Dr. Cabot know you are back in your room."

"Thanks."

Once he was gone, I stayed awake for about two minutes before falling asleep. The lower half of my body was still numb, and it made me feel weighed down, what I wanted was to go back to floating in the dark void but what I got was dreams.

So many that my head began to ache even in my stillness.

In a perfect world, I would have awaken to the sight of my daughter's face and my body would be back in tip top shape but that's not how life works, at least not my life. I felt like I was sinking, my body hurtling towards the bottom of the ocean and my screams were replaced with water.

Then I was on fire.

My body slammed to the bottom and then I was flying back up, air filling my lungs and sound deafened me.

I was flat on my back when I woke up and my skin burned.

Another heart attack, this time one that had required surgery immediately.

So, when I woke up again it wasn't to my daughter or anyone else but the glass walls of the ICU...again.

"Fuck." I muttered and waited for a response but there was none. I was alone, probably my least favorite way to be, the only silver lining was that there wasn't a tube shoved down my throat.

Then I heard the glass door sliding open and the squeak of shoes.

My sister's face hovered above me, next to her was Dr. Fuentes and another doctor.

"Merry Christmas, Santana...it's good to have you back with us." The other doctor said, "I'm Dr. Lee, the chief of Cardiology. How's your pain?"

"Sore." I said and he nodded. "But man-manageable."

"That's to be expected, you had open heart surgery to repair a dissection in your aorta. Your sister tells me that you have had a diagnosed heart condition since you were born that pretty much has caused you little to no issues. It might have stayed that way, but your body has been through a lot of trauma. You developed an aneurysm in your aorta that created a tear. We were able to completely repair it and now we can focus on recovery."

I had so many fucking questions and then Ian came to mind.

Fight like hell.

Even though it didn't feel like I even knew to fight, my body did.

"H-How long?" I asked, feeling so tired.

"About six weeks, Dr. Fuentes would you like to brief her on the rest?"

Dr. Fuentes smiled at me and then let out a sigh.

"The aneurysm in your aorta coupled with your lack of oxygen after your incident in October, is the source of strokes. To date, you have had three and two seizures. After your surgery, we examined your brainwaves and discovered that the increase in oxygen post-op reversed some of the swelling that had been leading you to strokes and seizures. As a precaution, you'll be put on a medication that should relieve any residual swelling in your brain. This medicine has been approved in nursing mothers...if that is still your desire."

"I c-can nurse?" I asked, feeling so fucking surprised, with Isaac it wasn't even an option but to know that even with surgery, I was still able to nurse my daughter was amazing.

"Yes, your obstetrician said that when you are ready that you can begin pumping. Given that you have had open heart surgery, it is understandable if you'd like to forego nursing at this time."

"No. I-I want to."

He looked to my sister, as if to ask her to talk me out of something so insane but Mari knew me better than I probably gave her credit for.

"There have been a few cases of women who have pumped just a few hours post-op, she's three days post-op...if she feels strong enough, I don't see why not. Direct nursing will need to wait for six to eight weeks but pumping is possible."

And as the only woman in the room that was also a heart surgeon they nodded and deferred to her.

"Well then, Santana, you are cleared to return to a recovery room for the next few days. Barring any complications, you will be able to return home to recuperate by the New Year. Merry Christmas."

"M-Merry Ch-ristmas."

The way the doctor had said it, I thought I'd be heading straight to my new room but instead, I had to deal with Dr. Cabot's backup since it was Christmas and she is skiing in Aspen or some crap.

Everyone was walking around cheerfully but I was so cranky that I was immediately on my own nerves. It seemed that everyone was in the best mood, but I felt like utter crap. I had wanted to celebrate Isaac's first Christmas with him and now, it seemed that I was going to be 0 for 2...missing out on both of my kids' first Christmas.

The tears came once that realization hit me, and I expected that my emotions would set off a machine, but it seemed that my heart rate was unaffected by my hormonal urges. I put my hands on my stomach, which was flatter and empty of the little piece of comfort and company that had made all of this time in the hospital seem a little more bearable.

At the very least they could have sat me up more, so that I could scowl at the people who walked by properly but as it was, I was only partially lifted, just enough to glance at the blurriness of them.

I closed my eyes after a bit, hoping that I'd fall asleep and magically wake-up in a different place but when I woke up again, there was less sun in the room, but I was still in the ICU.

The glass door slid open finally and I was ready to snap but when I saw Q, looking completely changed, my anger left me replaced with a raspy half laugh.

"Your hair!" I said and she touched her long bob that was now colored jet black.

"Break-up hair." She said and I couldn't even pretend to be surprised.

"W-what was t-the final straw?"

"Beth, we can talk about the semantics later though." She said and I was absolutely distracted from my own discomfort. "Sorry you had to wait so long today, they were trying to track me down, but I was slightly distracted. I'm here now and we are going to get you moved down to your room."

"T-this wait is y-your f-fault?"

"Well kinda but there's time to talk about that, right now, I just wanted to see you before the world got to. You know POA privilege."

"H-how is s-she?"

"Perfect. I can't wait for you to see her...did you get your sponge bath yet?"

"No."

"Well, I'm going to make that happen before you go down to your room. They can't take you down there looking like hell."

"Thanks."

"No problem, I got you honey bun."

Quinn's first order of business, brushing my hair and slicking it up into a top knot because it was way too frizzy for a high pony. After that, she convinced the nurse to come in and give me a sponge bath and that's when I was asked to try and stand up. I caught a look at my pale reflection in the mirror. I had padded gauze in between my boobs, protecting the incision and there was dried blood on my skin.

The exhaustion of just standing there while the nurse cleaned me as best as she could, told me that this six weeks was going to be hard as fuck but I had to keep fighting...and then I thought about Ian and how he had told me there was a crossroad to death...what if the surgery wasn't the crossroad, what if it was the recovery process.

As stubborn as I could get about taking proper care of myself, I wouldn't be surprised if this was that point that he was talking about and if it was, I wouldn't let him or the kids down. I was going to do everything by the book and not try to get over on anyone, this needed to be my last hospital stay for a very, very long time. I had my fill of the smell, the tastes, and the constant fucking beeping of the machines.

When I got back into the room, my bed was gone, and the orderlies were already cleaning. Quinn stood waiting with new pajamas that buttoned in the front so that I didn't have to wear the hospital gowns.

"Is this my g-gift?" I asked her as she helped me into the pajamas.

"From Marco...he seems to be really into keeping you comfortable."

"He knows me." I said as I felt the silk on my skin...it felt like luxury and God, did I need that.

I sat in a wheelchair while the nurse changed out my IV and then Quinn put on super comfy slippers.

"How do I l-look?" I asked, attempting to strike a pose.

Q pulled out her phone and took a few pics of me, then she turned it around and showed me.

Despite the paleness and the bags under my eyes, I looked relatively good. Actually, I still managed to look kind of hot...but kinda blurry.

"Oh! Totally forgot." Quinn dug into her purse and pulled out an eyeglass case, she opened it and then handed me my glasses. "You mentioned before that things have been blurry since the coma. I figured they'd be even worse now."

"I fu-cking love you." I said, sliding my old frames onto my face. The difference was striking. "I n-need Lasik." I muttered.

"You're gorgeous, stop it."

"I know."

"You ready?"

"Mmmhmm."

Quinn pushed my chair into the elevator with the nurse leading the way. It felt good to get out of the ICU and head towards a little more normalcy. As the elevator moved, I noticed that Q was insanely quiet, and it made me uncomfortable because I could tell that she wanted to talk. Knowing her though, she was waiting for a better time. My chest ached as the elevator stopped and I let out a groan.

"Are you okay?"

"Sore." I whispered and then leaned my head back and looked up at her, even though the action hurt my chest, I just wanted to see her face. "You?" I asked as she stopped the wheelchair and looked down at me.

"Later." She said. "Right now, there's more important things. I'm not one of those things right now."

"MA MA!" I dropped my head and looked forward as Q pushed me into the room, there was a little Christmas tree with gifts and Brittany holding onto an excited Isaac. "Ki Ki?" He said but with the amount of weakness I had, there was no letting him climb up my body. Britt seemed very aware of it and brought him close enough to my face without letting him lean on me.

He grabbed my face and kissed my cheek, well more like slobbered on it but I'd take a hundred more of those over anything else.

Once Britt had stood back up, I saw that my room had Christmas lights and there was music playing really low.

And then...I saw it...the glass crib holding a little bundle of cuddliness.

"Baby." I said, really proud of myself for these full words I was busting out.

"Let's get you settled in bed and then I'll help you with her." Britt said softly as she handed Isaac to Quinn. "Is it okay if I lift her?"

The nurse looked worried, but Quinn assured her that Britt was freakishly strong and had been carrying me for years.

"Just be quick about it, I could get in trouble for this."

I looked up at B and tried to lift my hands, but I couldn't lift them fully.

She didn't seem to be hindered by it though as she scooped me up and then gingerly placed me down into my bed. There was a small ache in my chest but nothing to be alarmed about.

Once I was in bed the nurse moved in and began making sure all the wires were still in place and there was no harm to my incision. By the time she finished fussing over me, I heard a little cry come from the glass crib and I swear to all that is good, my boobs began to ache.

There was a scuff of sneakers as Mari and Dr. Cabot entered the room, I looked to my sister and then at the baby.

"Please." I said to her and she looked around the room, her eyes landing on Brittany.

"Britt, would you mind holding the baby for my sister while we try to get the baby to latch on?"

"Uh, yeah, of course." She rushed into the bathroom and washed her hands before coming back out into the room.

"I'm going to take Isaac to the waiting room, to let people know you're back in your room...just text me when you're ready for visitors."

"Thanks, Q." Britt said as she slowly began to unbutton my top until it was just my swelling boobs and the glaring sight of puffy gauze. "Um, how can I help."

Dr. Cabot and Mari had their head together, then Mari smirked.

Britt, you'll have to climb behind Santana and essentially be her arms, hold the baby...once of us will help her latch.

Which basically meant one of them would be fondling my boob since I couldn't really do much but sit there and you know what, as long as we made it happen, I didn't care much how it happened.

Being able to lean against Britt for the first time in forever felt like coming home. Her arms wrapped around me easily, Mari handed the baby to Britt who held her up for me. Her little face was all scrunched up as she sucked on her little pacifier like she was starving.

Dr. Cabot lifted my boob and then helped the baby latch on seconds later and with Britt securing her, I was able to just observe her.

"What's her name?" Britt asked with her chin rested on my shoulder.

"Da...niela." I said.

"Aww, baby that's cute. I love it."

"Me too." I whispered as I cupped her little sock covered feet in my hand. She was latched on like a pro and while it ached a bit, it was nothing compared to the other pains that I had endured.

"Can you take a picture, Mari?" Britt asked and I nodded, ready for memories just in case some other catastrophe befell me, I needed my babies to have all the pictures they could stomach of me, loving them.

I was aware of the fact that Brittany was pretty much holding me and the baby like we were a happy little family and in that moment, I wasn't going to ruin that illusion. Once the baby fell back to sleep against my boob, Britt handed her over to my sister so that she could be burped. Then she went to move but I put my hands on her thighs to keep her still.

"Stay." I said, "Please?"

"Okay. Let me at least button you up so that you don't flash the whole family." She leaned over me and buttoned my shirt back up before leaning back and pulling me with her. I leaned back against her and felt more comfortable than I had in forever. "Let me know if you need me to move, okay?"

"Shhh...t-tired." I said and then I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sound of her breathing as she ran her hands up and down my arms. Something that always seemed to untangle the knots that I often found myself in.

We were in no way fixed or back together but at the very least, we had reached a truce.

I rested for a little bit and then there were more voices in the room, Britt was kissing the side of my face and I was immediately alert.

Mami and my sisters came in with Q and Isaac, I smiled at them and they all seemed to hesitate seeing me leaned against Britt but then they all seemed to realize that it was suck it up or get out, because they fixed their faces so damn fast.

"Mi'ja, it's so good to see you awake. Did you get her to latch?"

"Yes, Britt h-helped h-hold her."

"Oh, that's wonderful, I guess that's why she's in bed with you."

"Yup."

"Well we won't overwhelm you, but we couldn't celebrate Christmas without you."

My sisters all gathered around keeping a distance and then Britt whispered against my ear.

"No one is really supposed to be touching you, you're breakable."

"I'm f-fine with th-that." I said back and she chuckled.

"I figured."

"Sl-eepy." I said and Britt pulled the blanket around us more and let me rest my head on her chest.

"They've all held babies before, just relax." I nodded and then closed my eyes.

Sleep came quick but it wasn't floating this time, it was more like getting wrapped up in a fuzzy blanket that periodically dropped kisses on top of my head.

The baby's cry woke me up and I looked around the room for her.

Mami had her and was trying to soothe her but she was probably just hungry.

I lifted my hands as much as I could, and Britt took the lead. "Ma...Gladys...um...Ana wants to feed her; can you pass her over?"

Mami looked hesitant but Mari nodded to her and so she gently rested Daniela in Britt's arms that were wrapped around me. The baby was a genius, she latched onto my boob so quickly and began to drink earnestly. Britt's chin was on my shoulder again as she held the baby still.

"Ma Ma!" Isaac called from the door and I looked up to see him in Quinn's arms.

"You have more visitors." She said and Britt realizing before me took charge.

"She's feeding the baby right now, Q. Can you just give us like five more minutes? The room is already at capacity."

I expected Quinn to look hurt, but she just nodded and turned back around, pushing whoever was in the doorway behind her, back out.

"Th-thanks, B."

Once the baby was finished, Britt handed her off to Mami again for her to be burped.

Britt leaned over me and buttoned my shirt back up and then kissed my shoulder.

"Everyone brought you presents; do you want to open them?"

"Ok."

She went to get out of the bed and I immediately felt cold. "No." I said, feeling weepy.

"Mi'ja you have to let her get up."

"Sh-she's warm." I said to Mami, feeling like a brat.

"I'll come back, okay?"

I held out my pinky when she was on her feet by the bed and she squeezed mine in hers. "I promise."

Quinn came back into the room with Isaac and this time my other visitors arrived, Dr. Ramirez and Marco and Ari.

I felt the tears.

Then they were all holding hands and bowing their heads.

A prayer from the most unlikely of sources.

"Father, we thank you for giving us the blessing of Anita coming back to us in one piece. Thank you for having her in the right place at the right time for her life to be saved. I ask you to deliver her to a speedy recovery. Bless the family and friends with patience and love through this time. Thank you for the sacrifice of your son today and every day. Amen."

There was a chorus of Amens and then Quinn was placing my son in my lap, holding his back so that he could lean against me. He didn't move much, he just rested there, seemingly happy to just have me touching him.

Britt brough over a box covered in Elmo paper and put it in our son's lap.

He looked at it, then looked up at me.

"Rip." I said and he looked confused, so I put a finger under the loose wrapping paper and tore the paper. He copied me and then I did it again, and he did it again. We went on like this until the paper was ripped open.

And there looking back at him was the softest Elmo blanket I'd ever seen.

"E-MO!" He said and squeezed the blanket to himself.

"Who?" I asked my family looking around at them.

"Me." Ari said giving a wave, before wiping fresh tears from her face.

"Thanks, Ari." Britt said and then she reached for the next gift.

It didn't take long for me to notice the trend.

A lot of the first gifts were for Isaac and when we were surrounded with all sorts of gifts, I looked at my family and friends who were all smiling at me. "Thanks." I said. They had no idea what it meant to me that I was able to spend Christmas with my son, watching him open gifts. It had been my most fervent wish last year when I spent Christmas all alone in Lima, getting high and wishing someone would save me.

Britt packed all of Isaac's gifts into a duffel bag and then brought me a huge box, she didn't fully rest it on me, but she put it in front of Isaac who only wanted to rip the wrapping paper now.

So, I let him.

I didn't really have strength to open the gift on my own.

When I pulled the final bit of paper back, I burst into tears and covered my face. Britt was rubbing my back while everyone kept murmuring questions...was I okay? Am I in pain? Did they need to take Isaac back?

But then I looked up at Britt and smiled.

"You?" I asked and she nodded.

"I know you've never gotten a chance to play for me but all I keep hearing is how good you are. Q told me how your therapist suggested music therapy and I know you don't have a piano at home...and I couldn't get that in here so this will be something you can use while you heal." The picture on the box was this onyx professional keyboard.

"It is p-perfect, B." I crooked my finger and she dropped her face near mine. I leaned forward and kissed her cheek then I patted it.

She was blushing like I had made out with her but that wasn't us...not yet.

My family and friends showed up for me that day, surrounding me with all the love and support that I had been craving since I was kid. Mami was on her best behavior and didn't make a single snide comment about Britt spending most of the day behind me, with her arms around me.

She gave a look or two, but she was never rude, and I was proud of her for keeping that shit to herself.

All that said, when they were all finally gone, including Britt with Isaac clinging to her, only two people remained.

Marco and Ari.

The whole day he had lingered in the background, not saying much, or doing much. His restraint when everyone was passing the baby around was admirable.

Christmas really does be popping out miracles, I guess.

But Marco Vega was Marco Vega, he could only hold back for so long.

I was not surprised that he lingered.

Or that the first chance that he got, he hovered next to my bed and waited to be acknowledged.

"Yes?" I said as I pumped milk for the baby, since it wasn't going to be really possible to nurse her on my own.

He didn't even look at my boobs, he looked straight into my eyes.

"I know that I'm not her parent, but I'd really like to hold her at least. Please?"

Ari was bouncing her knees as she sat at my bedside with the milk machine between us. Other than Marco she had been the only other person today that hadn't held the baby. She had backed away and tucked her arms around herself, side eying Britt and then me. That conversation was coming but I had to deal with Marco first. I knew that.

As if on cue, the nurse brought my daughter back into the room, like I had requested. Britt had suggested that I let Marco hold her but not in front of the family, she said she'd send in a nurse after everyone left.

The nurse smiled and then looked at Marco...not knowing much about the dynamic other than that this was the only man that had been in the room all day, she could only assume he was the father.

"Would you like to hold her?"

He looked at me and I nodded.

"Yes, very much so."

"Have you held a baby before?"

He looked over at Ari and smiled.

"Yes. If you can believe it, I held that one over there." He said pointing a thumb towards Ari who blushed.

Marco sat down in a chair next to the bed and then the nurse handed the baby to him.

His whole face lit up when she wrapped her little hand around his pinky finger.

"I'll leave you all for a bit, I'll come back for her around the end of visiting hours in thirty minutes or so."

"Thanks." I said to her.

"Hi, precious mi'jita. I can't believe you're here. I love you so much and I'm going to be better for you. Be good to your Mami, she's the strongest woman that I know which means you aren't going to be able to get away with anything."

I chuckled.

"Damn, ri-right." I muttered as the machine buzzed. "H-help?" I said to Ari and she took the cups away. My milk had come down like a fucking river and it felt like I couldn't stop leaking.

"Oh wow, you want another two bottles?"

I was sore and wasn't sure how much more my chest could take but I wanted my little girl to have enough food.

"Yes." I said and Ari set me up. This couldn't have been what she pictured when she finally got a chance to be with me, but she looked like this was just the most natural thing in the world.

After I was better, I was going to make it my mission to make sure that she was set up with whatever she needed. She didn't need money like Q had, what she needed was something way more special and there was only a handful of people that could help with that.

Lucky for her, I knew people.

I smirked at her and then puckered my lips, Marco groaned as Ari kissed my lips. She was soft at first, but I nipped at her lip and she kissed me harder.

"There is a baby present." Marco muttered.

It made me laugh to see his discomfort.

Good.

I had a lifetime of making him uncomfortable to make up for.

Once Marco was appeased, he kissed my face and then left me alone with Ari.

She had put all the milk in a mini fridge that sat close to my bed, before coming to sit on the edge of the bed and taking my hand in hers.

There was a look in her eyes that I recognized...fear. It was so wrong on her face and it brought me back to my preteen years where I would rush home from school and ride to the hospital with Papi, so I could sit in Ari's chemo sessions with her.

"It's b-back?" I asked her and she shrugged.

"I think it might be...I've been in remission for six years, that's the longest in my life...now though, I'm feeling all those symptoms again. I know cancer isn't contagious, but I didn't want to hold the baby, with that kind of energy going on. I hope you're not mad?"

"How c-could I be? You c-can't help this."

I squeezed her hand with the little bit of strength that I had.

Her hazel eyes were masking the war she was trying to fight inside.

"I'm afraid to get tested. I'm doing so well in school and I'm so close to my dreams of Broadway...what if I never make it. What if this is as far as I'm allowed to go in this life?"

She was crying now and so was I...this wasn't fair.

Cancer is never fucking fair but when it comes to Ari, if feels personal.

And I hate it.

"I r-refuse to b..elieve that."

"I thought I was the optimist."

I dropped her hand and then brought my hands to my chest, my fingers lightly touching the gauze.

"I h-have died on the t-table f-four t-times now. G-god knows I am t-too stub-born to go yet. I-I'm not d-done. S-so you c-can't be done. He keeps you here, Ari. Y-you will get y-your d-dream."

"You don't know that."

"I do."

"Look, the only reason I am even telling you is because, if it's back, once I'm on chemo, I won't come around your newborn or you. Those drugs are so hard on the system and the body. I don't want to infect either of you. I don't want you to think I ghosted you."

"Y-you h-have to pray. T-trust and b-believe."

"Always. I don't doubt God or the plan. I may not like the plan or understand it, but I have grown to accept that it's God's time not mine...like Carmen told me."

More memories...of Carmen...her being my sponsor...her talking me through things...her disappearing.

Then her words.

God's time, not mine.

I opened up my arms as much as possible and tried to hug Ari, but she was hesitant...choosing to move to my side and wrap an arm around my waist, resting her head on my shoulder. Dropping kisses on my neck every few seconds.

"I love you, Anita." She whispered. "No matter what happens, know that will never change. You and me, linked forever."

"T-talk like y-you're gonna live."

"I'm too stubborn to die yet...I won't give up. I promise."

"G-ood...I l-love you too."

"Thanks, Anita."

"J-just p-promise you w-won't put this off."

"I promise."

"I am h-here. Always."

"I know."

I gave her my pinky and she squeezed mine with hers and we sat like that until it was time for her go both trapped in thoughts of what was to come.

There was a long road ahead for me and her both...there was no telling if either of us would survive but I wasn't going to stress out over it.

Tomorrow isn't promised. That isn't a cliché or a euphemism.

Living another day...another moment, is never promised, so I was going to fight to make the most of every good and bad moment. If I've learned anything from this crazy time in my life, it's that you can't really predict what's coming.

But you can prepare yourself and those around you...good or bad.

If God saw fit to give me more time and put Ari in my life in this exact moment, maybe it's my turn to hold someone else up in their time of need.

And I would do that for Ari, time and again, without question.

She was my church and I was hers.

No exceptions.