Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. of Twilight are the property of Stephenie Meyer. I am in no way associated with Stephenie Meyer, any creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended.

Some descriptions of characters that previously existed have been altered to fit the vision of this story. If you are interested in viewing the character reference photos, please view my Pinterest Board (/clairebear_04/like-breathing-but-harder/).

Chapter 9: Claire

I woke to my phone buzzing continuously on the nightstand.

The room was bright from the daylight shining through the window combined with the lights in the house. I felt my skin pulse as I realized how hot I was under the covers and Quil's arm which was draped over my chest.

I peered over to him, his deep breathes indicating that he was still asleep.

My phone stopped vibrating as I slid out from under his weight, careful not to disturb him. I snatched my phone off the table and tiptoed to the bathroom, the overwhelming light in the house forcing my eyes to squint.

Ness:

hey call me

Ness:

let me know when you get up

Ness:

ok cmon i know you dont sleep in this late

I smirked, reading her messages. She wasn't wrong, it was really rare for me to sleep in past 7:30 or so. Her last message was sent at 9:15.

I quickly typed a response as I sat down on top of the toilet seat.

Me:

sorry, was passed out

It didn't take her very long to respond, the ... bubble appearing as soon as I sent my message.

Ness:

are you ok? what are you doing today? can i come pick you up?

I chuckled and typed back.

Me:

yes, fine- nothing planned- give me 30 mins

Ness:

be there soon

I glanced at myself in the mirror, my hair falling out of the hair tie, Quil's baggy t-shirt barely holding onto my shoulders. Last night felt like a bad dream. My brain tried to process all of it at once, from the excitement to disappointment to the pure terror that I felt when I realized I could die then and there.

I swallowed and splashed water in my face. But you didn't, my voice said sternly.

I didn't see much point in getting all dolled up, it was just Ness. I tossed on some jean shorts, a t-shirt, and a zip-up, pulling my hair to the side so it wouldn't get caught in the zipper. Quil didn't stir, he had rolled over onto his other side facing the closet, fast asleep. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and I crept to his side, kissing him on the forehead before sneaking out of the house.

"Tell me everything," her golden eyes were locked on me, her hands wrapped around the steaming latte. "Jake wouldn't fill me in on all the details."

"Well which part, the part where I actually, finally almost had sex with Quil or when I found a killer vampire in my house?" I asked wryly.

Her eyes widened at this and she leaned in, "Ok, spill."

I sighed heavily, spinning the stirring stick in my coffee. "Quil won't have sex with me," I finally said aloud.

"What on earth are you talking about?" Ness stared at me blankly.

I shrugged my shoulders, "He just won't. He's scared he's going to hurt me."

Ness pulled back, her eyebrow raised skeptically. "Hurt you? He imprinted on you how could he hurt you?"

"Not like that," I shook my head. "Do you know what happened to Kim?"

"Jared's imprint? No, what happened?"

I took a swig of my latte. "Apparently she was put in the hospital the first time she and Jared had sex."

Ness's eyebrows raised in surprise at this. Not that she had anything to worry about, her vampire genes wouldn't allow her to break as easily. "Oh god," she winced in sympathy. "So, what? Quil thinks he would do the same to you?"

I shrugged and sipped my coffee again.

She shook her head. "Ok well that's Jared, doesn't mean Quil would do the same thing."

"Try telling him that," I quipped back, watching people walk up and down the sidewalk. Two little girls were holding onto their mom's hands as they crossed the street, the girls skipping alongside her. They had normal lives to look forward to: they can go to high school and date whoever they wanted, when they go off to college they could sleep with whoever they wanted when they wanted to.

"Don't tempt me," she threatened.

"What is it like?" I asked, my eyes lingering on the little girls as they disappeared around the corner. Ness and I were always open to each other. There was never any awkwardness or shame or embarrassing questions.

She stared at me for a moment, studying me closely as she debated in her head whether or not to tell me. I could see she wanted to help me, but at the same time, she didn't want me to feel as if I was missing out more than I already did.

I was sick of being left in the dark. "Ness," I interrupted her thoughts. "Show me."

She sighed and set her coffee aside, leaning in. I met her in the middle, leaning over the table as she reached out, placing her hand on the side of my face.

A warm, light feeling filled my head as my view of my surroundings was suddenly overcome by Ness's memory. I saw Ness sitting next to someone on a log, their arms wrapped around each other. I recognized the other person as me, after just graduating high school. I had rested my head on her shoulder, so worried that we wouldn't be friends anymore once I left for college. It was the first bonfire of the season at the beach, the boys playing football in the sand.

I pulled away from her, rolling my eyes in annoyance. "Ness, that's not fair!" I scolded, snatching my coffee off the table and sitting back in the metal chair.

She shrugged, a snarky smile forming on her lips. "I'm not going to show you because you are going to experience it for yourself," she explained with a-matter-of-fact tone in her voice.

"Well, not any time soon," I muttered.

Ness had me back home just after lunch. It felt like I hadn't left for college. I was suddenly aware that it had been five days since my graduation and I had barely heard a word from Harley or Austin. I at least expected this from one of them.

I had just pulled my phone out of my purse to text them when the front door flew open.

"Where the hell have you been?" Quil rushed forward, grabbing my face in my hands. "You have to tell me where you are, you can't just leave like that, Claire."

My eyebrows furrowed and I pulled away, "I just went out for coffee with Ness, I was fine," I glanced down at my phone then to see the countless calls from him that I had missed. "Quil, I'm sorry, I just thought I'd-"

"Just leave me to wonder where the hell you are? What if that leech came back and had taken you?" he interrupted, glaring into my eyes.

"But he didn't," I retorted. "I'm fine, Quil. You're not my babysitter." What was getting into him? He had never acted like this before.

"Clearly I need to be if you're going to be this reckless!" he shouted, his face full of anger.

I felt as if I had been stabbed in the chest. I stared at him for a moment, hoping the lump in my throat would go away. I pushed past him, charging into the house.

"Claire- wait-" he fumbled behind me.

I was too far gone to stop now. I stormed into the bedroom, slamming the door behind me. I used my body weight to keep it closed until I turned the lock on the handle, finally backing away from it.

"Claire, please, I'm sorry," I heard him press against the door, trying to turn the knob. "Please, let me in."

"What so you can watch my every move?" I snapped back.

He drew in a deep breath at this and held it, realizing what he had done. "Claire, baby, I'm so sorry."

I missed the days when I was younger. We never fought or argued. The only confrontation we ever had was who was stronger, to which Quil would pretend that I crushed him in a hug just so that I could win. It was so much easier. Like breathing. I dropped my bag on the floor and plopped down on his bed- our bed- thinking back to when they told me what imprinting was. I remembered how I felt at ease because I was excluded from the hard part, right? Apparently not.