Chapter 29: The Hurt (James Chatburn)

Santana's POV

The Viewing

"I can't do this." Britt muttered as we sat parked in the driveway of the funeral home. She sat staring ahead, her eyes glassy as she held tight to my hand. "She should have been burying all of us. I hate this. It was too soon. She had so much life to live and dreams...so many dreams to accomplish."

"I know." I whispered as I leaned against her shoulder, staring ahead at the hearse that would house Court's body on the journey to Chicago for her burial.

"Ari told me that I have the rest of my life to freak out about this but right now, I needed to be strong for Mom and Dad."

"Wh-what do you th-think?"

"I think she's right. I don't want to do this but I have to for them."

"Wh-what can I do?"

"Can we sneak away after? Just for a little while, I need cuddles and just you."

"Yes."

"Without Ari or Quinn...just...you and me and our kids?"

"Yes."

"After Chicago?"

"Ok."

That seemed to do the trick because she pressed a long kiss to my forehead and then finally got out of the car. She ran around and pulled my door open, holding her arm out like the gentlelady she could sometimes be.

As I steadied myself, half on my cane and half on her...I tried to stand tall...back straight with my chin up, what I felt extra grateful for was that this initial viewing would be over by the time my family got here.

I made sure to send Q and Ceily with the suped up van. I just needed Britt to not have to deal with my family and the drama that inevitably followed first thing in the morning.

"B-Breathe." I said to Britt as we hovered just outside the doors. She looked at me and nodded, making her face serious just like mine.

She leaned in and kissed me on the lips, hard and quick as if she was afraid that it was our last kiss.

What she didn't get was that...even after EVERYTHING she put me through...for me it would always be her.

The real her who was vulnerable, loyal, and honest with me always.

Once she was back as a constant, Ari and I ended.

I knew it.

Ari knew it and maybe on some base level, Britt knew too.

Just as we were heading inside, I saw the silhouette of the van and knew that this moment of calm between us might not last long.

I knew it then, if I wanted Britt to properly heal, I had to be the one to keep my family far away from her once she was in treatment.

This is what it meant for me to know I had taken vows.

Divorce, for me was just we don't build lives together anymore but that vow that I made before God (legal on paper or not), was tantamount to an unbreakable vow. I had married Britt and her family, today being here was to be by her side for better or worse, sickness and health until death.

Full stop.

Britt's parents sat in the first pew, amongst most of Britt's family. She looked straight ahead and clutched my hand tighter but I didn't flinch.

A hand wasn't a neck.

My mind and heart had been prepared for Britt to break out into sobs when we got to the front but what I didn't expect was to go down first. The moment that I saw Britt's little sister in the black Ravenclaw robes that I had bought her for her birthday, I broke. She had been asking for them for months and I knew her parents couldn't afford them...at least not the ones that she wanted.

So I went ahead and bought a set of robes for the both of us.

And now, she'd get to be in them forever.

I dropped down onto the stool, kneeling there, in front of her too still body and clutched her hand. Britt stood just next to me, a hand on my shoulder and the other hand covering mine and Court's.

"M-may God fill your eternity w-with plenty of reading n-nooks." I whispered to her and then I began to sob.

Britt leaned in close to Court's ear, her hand still cupping mine tightened the closer she got. I squeezed back and she let out a whimper and then I watched as she whispered to her sister.

I could hear the crying from behind me.

As a mom, I didn't even want to imagine this possibility.

I'd want to go with my baby, to protect them.

How must Susan feel and then I remembered Britt wanted to be strong so finally I tugged on her hand.

She'd been laying on Court's chest trying to hear her heart.

"Wake up...please...we can switch...please CoCo? Remember when I called you that? You were Coco and I was BiBi."

"B?" I whispered and she finally was back to herself.

"I'm gonna miss you so much, Court. I am going to do something to honor you everyday. Give PawPaw and LT Sr. cuddles for me. I love you." She said, before turning to me and offering her arms.

Once I was steady again, we turned and began to walk to the first pew.

Susan smiled at us and then stood and held her arms out for me.

"Thank you for coming." Then when I could only hear her she continued, "Court loved those robes, said she wanted to d-die in them. She didn't get that wish but now she can have them for always. I love you."

"I love you." I said, kissing her cheek before stepping to the side so Britt could hug her mom.

Seeing Britt be strong for her mom, made me proud. She kept kissing her cheek and hugging tight.

They stood there crying and then Rob stood up, he waved me closer and then wrapped his arms around all of us.

Once our heads were together, he said. "I know this sucks but once we are done, we can go to her favorite pizza joint...maybe head to the bookstore. All her favorite back home stuff."

We remained like that, heads bent together until the sound of the organ played.

It was time.

The Service

The entire first pew was blocked off for just the four of us, which was a good thing because Britt was fidgeting her hands, moaning while trying to hold in sobs, and visibly breaking.

At least her breakdown was obvious to me because I knew the her that she tried to hide.

Rob held Britt's other hand in his lap as people began to come in and form a line to see Court.

When I saw the first person in line, in all black I nudged B who had her head down and eyes closed.

"Look." I whispered.

Her head popped up and when she saw Sue Sylvester at the front with a line of Cheerios behind her, she gave a watery smile and stood up to greet Sue when she came our way.

Seeing Sue hold tight to Britt whispering things in her ears that had Britt nodding profusely, I was so grateful that I had Q make the call. The Cheerios followed suit with Sue, giving their condolences to Britt and her parents, then came the middle school cheer squad that were feeders for McKinley, Court as uncoordinated as she could be was an amazing flyer. So seeing her teammates come in and lay their pompoms down and take a knee, I felt my heart swell.

Sue took one look at this and gave the Cheerios a look and they took a knee as well, leading the girls through an Our Father before they all got up and made their way to their seats.

"That was...wow." Rob said, wiping his eyes. Then he smiled, "I had no idea that you cheer girls were like a real mafia."

"You have no idea." Britt muttered and then she actually laughed and so did Susan.

Rob was our levity as we stood taking condolences for the next half hour.

Then just as the crowd began to trickle down, the Lopez family in ALL their glory came in as a unit with Quinn among them carrying Isaac.

"B?" I whispered as she played with the fingers on my left hand...specifically my ringless finger.

"Hmm?" She said without lifting her eyes.

"Look."

She glanced over and rolled her eyes when she saw my family but then she saw who I was referring to.

"Izzy? Isn't he supposed to be with Carmen?"

"Yeah."

"But Q picked him up anyway?"

"Yeah."

"Remind me to hug her tight."

"Okay."

Once Britt had her own personal teddy bear in her arms, getting through the service seemed easier. Even Rob and Susan took turns holding Isaac, who was just as happy to be held as always.

Now that I had Isaac and Britt to look after, I was able to silence the voice inside me that wanted nothing more than to shake Courtney awake myself. I hated that we were here, doing this.

And my body agreed, my head was pounding

These past few days, with Ari hovering over me, taking care of my every need and reminding me to take my medicine, it's been easy to forget that I've only been out of the hospital for about five days.

I'd been on a constant schedule of painkillers and anti-seizure meds, that Ari had programmed into my alarms. Only today, I'd had my phone off so when I felt the trickle of a nose bleed accompany my headache in the middle of the eulogy, I dug a tissue out of my purse and then leaned closer to B.

"C-can you h-help me to the b-bathroom?"

She looked at me and her eyes went wide. Rob was up giving the eulogy, so Britt had to interrupt a tearful Susan to take Isaac but her mom didn't flinch, she just took our son and rocked him in her arms. Happy for the distraction.

As quickly as she could, Britt helped me to my feet and we made our way down the side aisle towards the back.

I chanced a glance towards my family and sure enough, each and every one of them was watching us...me walking off with Britt...all alone, her clutching my elbow to steady me and I could see the worry in their eyes.

And I knew that if they could cause a scene they would but they had too much pride.

I was certain though that if we took too long returning, one of my sisters would come looking.

"Where are your pills?" Britt asked me as we stood in the cramped bathroom.

It was fit for one or two people but there was no way one of my family members would be able to squeeze in with us.

Even through everything, right at that moment, I trusted B.

I leaned against the sink and pulled my little pill sorter from my purse.

When I flipped open Friday, there were four pills in there instead of two, which meant that I had forgotten my morning dose.

"Shit." I muttered.

Britt filled up a little paper cup in the sink and then put it down on the counter top. Then she damped a paper towel and began to wipe my upper lip and my nose.

"There was a time, that nosebleeds meant cocaine." She said, "I'm glad that it's not that anymore but I'm sad that whatever this is goes back to something stupid that I did."

"Me too." Our eyes met then and I could see the apology in her eyes.

"Are you feeling pain?"

"My b-back and legs." I said. "And my h-head."

"When did you last eat?" She asked as she poured the pills into her palm but I didn't answer. Her head lifted and she was looking in my eyes again. "You're slipping again with food aren't you? I should have noticed." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a semi-crushed pack of cookies. "Eat." She said and then leaned back against the wall and waited.

"B...I d-don't n-need to eat. Not hu-hungry."

"Please? I can't worry extra today...please eat...even if it's just one cookie. Are you feeling postpartum depression?"

"Huh?"

"It's natural, even Q had it. Did you tell your doctors?"

"No." I said, wiping any stray tears away.

"Because Court died while you were still in there, you probably have been telling yourself this is just your grief. Haven't you?"

I couldn't look at her as I took a small bite of one of the cookies and as if to show her gratitude to B, my stomach growled and Britt smirked.

"Maybe." I finally said before finishing the cookie.

"This I can do. Taking care of you is like what I was made for. I'm not doing that whole control thing like before but I am going to make sure that you don't fall back into bad habits. Our kids need you, Santana." I flinched at the full name and she rolled her eyes. "I need you to know I'm serious...can you eat another for me?"

I pulled another cookie from the four pack and began to nibble on it...not wanting to talk about this.

Ari hadn't really been around for the eating disorder. It had started when she was banished from my life when I needed to feel control over something, so Ari didn't know that she should be paying attention and Quinn was distracted by Celia.

I had been eating enough to keep myself moving but the idea of sitting at a table and chowing down made my stomach swirl.

"B...I c-can't." I tossed the half eaten second cookie into the trash and then bit down on my lip, trying not to vomit.

"Stop thinking of food. Just be in this moment...unless you want to go back to a hospital? I still have three of your doctors in my phone."

That was enough of a threat. I powered through another cookie and then handed the last cookie back to her. "No m-more." I said and she seemed satisfied, finally giving me my pills and a cup of water.

She watched me with concern creasing her brows.

Then there was a knock at the door.

"B?" It was Quinn.

"Yeah?"

"It's almost your turn to go up."

"Thanks. We will be out in a second, right Ana?"

I knew what she was doing, making me talk so that Quinn could report back to the family that I was still breathing.

"I'm fine." I said, cheerfully. "Go."

"Okay, just...don't be too long or Gladys will be next to check in." Quinn grumbled and I knew that she was just as annoyed with my family as I was.

Please God, let this moment be the only drama of the day.

The Repast

"Are you sure you'll be okay with them?" Britt asked Carmen for umpteenth time since we got to her house. I had expected to walk in to my baby crying for me but she was in the swing fast asleep.

We had detoured to drop Isaac back off with Carmen, since I really didn't like the idea of him being separated from Daniela...even if they were both still babies. It would be different if Sandra had brought Tito for him to play with but she hadn't, so it was better for him to be around other kids.

I trusted Carmen to not curse around him or use him as a pawn in an argument.

Like my family had done when trying to keep Britt in check.

"I'm positive. When do you think you'll be back?"

The baby let out a cry from the swing and I sat on the couch beside her expectantly. Britt rolled her eyes and brought me my baby.

I buried my nose in her neck and sniffed her sweet baby scent before pulling a pillow onto my lap and situating us so I could give her what she really wanted.

And because it was just us, and I had frankly, slept with all three of the women in the room, I let my boobs hang out.

Britt didn't see me at first, going back to her hot chocolate and talking semantics with Carmen who was keeping an eye on Sugar and Isaac. I was brushing my fingers over Daniela's face when I heard a wolf whistle.

"Hot Mama!" Sugar said and Britt's head whipped towards me.

"Are you trying to seduce all of us right now, baby?" Britt teased and I rolled my eyes.

"Yup." I said and went back to paying attention to my daughter.

"I'm game!" Sugar said and Carmen glared at her until she went back to the living room. "Or not. Sheesh."

"So Britt, what's the plan?" Carmen asked.

"We are following the hearse to Chicago and having a burial with my family there. Then we are going to dinner and then we might get a room for the night."

"Just you two?"

"Well yeah, my parents are staying in Chicago for a while. They only...um...stayed in Lima for my sister...she had cheer and book club...and soccer. Now though, it's just them. So me and Ana will come back alone."

"Are you sure you'll be okay?"

"No but I gotta do what I gotta do."

"You'll call me...I need to stay in the loop and I'll call if anything."

"Th-thanks, Carmen." I muttered as I shifted the baby to my other boob. She was already back asleep but I just wanted her to be completely full before we left.

As we said our goodbyes to the kids, Carmen pulled me off to the side.

"You look unsteady...are you okay. Don't bullshit me, Santi." She said looking between my eyes back and forth before pulling me into a too tight hug. I had just shrugged in response, too tired to lie. "You need a meeting." It wasn't a question and I knew that she was saying that part loud enough for Britt to hear her but I wasn't the old me. I knew better than to fight my recovery.

"We will go to one." Britt chimed in and then hugged us both before slipping her hand in mine. "But we really do need to get on the road. The burial is in five hours and it's a four hour drive without traffic."

I sat staring out at the road, my head feeling fuzzy as the drugs began to wear off. I felt nauseous and felt the tears coming. Britt had been singing along to every happy song she could think of and blasting the heat on 1000.

And before I could ruin her old beat up truck, I slapped my hand on her leg and covered my mouth.

She pulled to the side of the road and I got the door open just enough to make it out onto the runner and the road as stomach bile rolled off my tongue.

I felt the coolness of her hand rubbing my back underneath my shirt.

"Is it the painkillers?" She asked when I sat back up and wiped my mouth with my sleeve. "Are you getting hooked on them?"

"No." I muttered because dammit no. I would not be a pill popper being a coke addict was more than enough. "W-w-withdrawal. I am sp-spacing th-them out."

"Oh and you're not really eating, which isn't helping. You know what this calls for?"

"What?" I croaked as she pulled onto the road, turned the heat off, and rubbed at my leg.

"Something cold and something heavy. I'm going to stop for food and then you are going to eat all of it before you take your medicine. Then I think you should take a nap for the rest of the ride."

I rolled my eyes at her, this sounded an awful lot like her trying to exert her control in my life again but I knew that right now, I needed this direction because once she was in crisis, I was pretty much on my own at getting better. Carmen was staying in Ohio, Quinn was starting a new school semester and Ari was starting chemo.

She was right and I think this was exactly what I had been missing since I woke up, that feeling from HER of being taken care of. Everyone had done their best but at the end of the day, the one who knew me best, inside and out was always Brittany S. Pierce.

We got nuggets and fries, something simple before pulling off to the side of the road and eating.

Slowly.

And Britt watched me while happily eating her food.

I kept waiting for the nausea but I got through all ten nuggets without feeling like they were coming back up.

When I reached over for some of Britt's fries, she practically shoved it in my lap.

"Don't overdo it just to make yourself sick."

I hesitated when my urge had been to grab a handful because she was right, there was a part of me that wanted that overfull feeling that would mean it would all come back up the moment the car started moving.

After we finished, she gave me my pills and then set up a nice bed in the front seat. I was grateful her old truck had no console, so I could really just lay pressed against her.

So that's what I did.

It seemed to keep her alert and driving safely to know that I was sleeping against her.

"I love you." She said to me and then turned up the music before she could see if I responded. I kissed her cheek and then settled my head on her lap.

The Burial

I didn't wake up until the car came to a full stop and Britt shifted into park. I laid there, facing her stomach as she unbuckled the both of us and then she was running her hand up and down my back.

"We got stuck in traffic so I had to come straight to the cemetery. Everyone is here...they're waiting. You ready?"

I groaned as I sat up and looked around.

The sun was starting to set, which looked a bit poetic, Court would have liked it.

Her parents had just wanted a quick burial but it seemed like we had held them up.

Britt finger combed my hair and then kissed my face before getting out of the car and coming around to my door.

We walked slowly toward the plot of land, everyone was chatting quietly until they saw Britt and then Susan nodded to the pastor.

From there everything lasted about ten minutes.

I stood holding Britt's hand as we watched the baby blue casket lower into the ground.

She was just staring, no tears as she squeezed my hand and I squeezed back. I wasn't so stoic as I wept into her sleeve no longer able to look down into that hole.

Everything was just so fucking temporary.

I was going to miss her every single day and I knew that I needed to start really living.

No more throwing my time away on being sick in more ways than one.

It was time to heal because tomorrow isn't promised.

Britt had started the ball rolling, I needed to get my eating in check before it became a problem.

And like Carmen had reminded me when we had dropped in, I needed to eat well so the milk was good for the baby.

I hadn't made the connection for some reason.

But now I would.

Old stuff was past us, we had to keep it moving.

My mind had been whirlling throughout the burial and then I did something crazy.

When we got back in the car, I turned to Britt before she could put the car in drive.

"Marry me." I said to her and she looked at me like I was nuts.

"What? Why?"

"I know y-you and I are j-just...friends but B...I c-can't keep w-waiting."

"Ana, I don't know if this is the best idea. Your family and Q will kill me if we elope."

"Th-then we d-don't tell them. W-we do it here and k-keep it to j-just us."

"You know I want to, I never wanted to divorce you but we weren't good...and we still aren't. I mean you probably fucked Ari yesterday and every day before that."

"So w-what, th-that's over. Sh-she ended it."

"When?"

"Last night be-before she l-left."

"Like back to New York?"

I nodded and a spark ignited in her eyes.

"Please?"

A crazy excited look was on Britt's face and then she glanced over to her parent's car, they both looked dazed.

"Only if we get to tell them...but just them for now. I think it would be good for them to be there with us."

"Okay."

The Repast

Once we decided that we were going to elope, there was this spark of hope in us both.

Was this crazy?

Absolutely.

But would I regret it?

Probably not.

We followed Britt's parents to the pizza place that they'd made a reservation for which was a new concept to me.

I mean, reservations for pizza?

Chicago was next level.

But then I saw how upscale the place looked and how crowded it was.

A hostess led us to the back of the restaurant, where it was quieter and gave us a booth that wasn't next to anyone else.

It was just the four of us and Susan looked nearly close to breaking.

Britt was reaching across the table, holding her mom's hand and they were whispering.

So I looked up at Rob and saw he was looking back at me.

"What are you up to, Santana, I know that look well."

I took a deep breath and looked him in the eye, trying to keep my face void of any emotion.

"Can I marry Britt, a-again?" I said and he looked at me in shock then he looked at Susan to see if she heard me and she obviously did because she looked even more concerned.

Then Susan turned to Britt and her eyes turned to a glare. "Did you pressure her, Brittany Susan?"

"No. It was all her idea, I swear."

And then Susan was looking at me, her eyes softer.

"Santana, are you sure."

"Yes."

"Even with her going into treatment?"

"Yes."

"Your mother and sisters are going to be furious, are you ready for that backlash?"

I turned to Britt and nodded for her to continue.

"Actually Mom...Dad, we are only telling you guys for now. Her family gets into our business so much...we talked about it on the way here, we are going to take our time and grow together. I'm still going to live with Frankie until I get to a healthy headspace. We are going to date and still coparent the kids but we want to begin to really build our lives together."

"Why tell us if you've already talked it through?"

"Well, we want to do it today, we have an appointment at 5 at the courthouse."

I watched their faces turn from concern to delight and then Rob turned back to me to answer my question.

"It would be an honor for you to marry my daughter again."

Pizza is probably my favorite food and that was before I had tried traditional Chi Town deep dish...now I was hooked.

No wonder Britt always seemed so meh about the pizza in Lima, she knew decadence.

I was moaning as I began to cut into a second slice and then I felt a hand on my thigh, squeezing. I looked at B and she was still looking at her parents but her hand was on me. At a break in the conversation she looked at me and then my food.

"Slow down or you'll get crazy heart burn, baby."

She was right, I was binging but she wasn't going to call me out in front of parents.

I nodded and took a small piece of crust into my mouth, chewing slowly as her conversation continued.

They were talking about Isaac's first birthday in a few months and what big plans we should make for it.

And then my phone chimed, bringing me out of the talks.

Do you have a pediatrician in Lima?-Carmen

My heart dropped.

What's wrong?-Santi

Isaac is running a fever, I gave him medicine to bring it down but he's breathing weird.-Carmen

"Shit." I muttered and Britt was over my shoulder in an instant.

"What's wrong? You're shaking."

I handed her my phone and she read the messages, then she was hitting the call button.

The moment Carmen was on the phone, she was instructing her to put him in a warm bath and she'd send Quinn over with his machine.

Watching her take charge sealed the deal for me.

She was going to be my wife by the end of today.

I was in for better or worse, sickness and health and all that.

With lots of therapy and some boundaries, I was sure we'd get this thing worked out.

Britt texted Quinn while she talked on speaker with Isaac.

Her voice was soft and I could hear his strained giggle.

Then I heard Sugar in the back softly singing the Elmo song.

It was handled, even if I felt like shit for not remembering his machine, my village was stepping up.

The Commiting

We got to the courthouse right on time and filled out all the paperwork pretty quickly.

Then it was just a waiting game for a judge to marry us. I sat alone with Rob while Britt checked in on Isaac.

She came back into the room with a judge on her heels.

"I asked her to rush it for us so we could get home to our sick son."

"There is a sick son, right?" The judge asked and we all nodded. "Well let's do this, ladies please come stand with me."

I felt nerves in my gut as I stood there looking up into Britt's eyes with my memory still hazy when it came to our first wedding...which was tainted anyway.

Britt said her vows and then when it was time, she reached down, grabbed my hands put them on her face and whispered softly. "Your time, not mine."

I smiled and pulled her head towards mine and kissed her soundly.

There were cheers from Rob and Susan, a few pictures snapped and then Britt was holding me tight in her arms.

"All g-good?" I asked her as she sniffed back her tears on our way out of the courthouse.

"I was always going to look back on this as the day that I buried my sister but she'd hate that and so do I. Now I get to say it was the day that I got my wife back."

"Always and on-only you, B."

"Always and only you, baby." She kissed me again as we hugged her parents goodbye.

And then again before we got back on the road.

Then at every stop light.

And in traffic.

Then she kissed me double time when I found a meeting and sat through it before we got back on the road.

We kept kissing every chance that we could,

Until she had to focus on the road and then, I snuggled up next to her and sang along to the radio.

It was bliss and I just tried to enjoy being in the moment with my wife.

In Indiana, we stopped in a strip mall and parked outside a tattoo parlor.

"You sure, B?" I asked and she nodded.

"If we can't do rings, this will be the next best thing. Something just for us."

We sat in neighboring chairs and surrendered our ring fingers.

And in the smallest script, going around like a ring we got tattoos...I chose black and she chose red.

I.D. 4.7 12.20 1.12

We were convinced that getting each other's initials was a curse, so we picked the kids first initials, their birthdays, and today's date which ended up on the inside of our ring fingers.

I thought it was genius but then I must have forgotten for a moment who our best friend was.

And when the thought occurred to me as we pulled into Lima with bandaged fingers under our gloves, I said fuck it.

If she figured it out, she'd be nothing but supportive.

What I couldn't do was tell Carmen...not yet.

Our divorce had been Nico's idea after all.

It was late when we got there and Carmen sleepily surrendered Daniela, explaining that Quinn had insisted on taking Isaac to the apartment with her. She didn't have the heart to argue.

Smart of her.

The Promise

That night, with the kids tucked in and Quinn staying in a hotel with my sister after I insisted, Britt let me touch her in ways that I hadn't been able to in a while. It was slow and sweet.

I didn't need to stutter my way through it as I kissed her neck and then her breasts...then each little scar she'd given herself on her sides before kneeling between her legs. She looked at me with worry and I gripped her thighs with as much strength as I had been working up to with Ari.

With Ari I had gotten all the rustiness over with so that in this moment, I could enjoy what I was about to do.

Her hand cupped my face before I buried myself in her heat.

"You're beautiful and I'm so grateful for you. I promise to never stop showing you just how grateful I am for this second chance. I love you."

I smirked and whispered. "I love you." Then I slowly blew across her wetness and she groaned. "Shh." I said to her, knowing the kids were asleep in the next room and wanting to keep it that way. I had about an hour before Daniela needed my boobs and I was going to enjoy this.

When I sucked her clit between my lips her body shuddered and her hands found purchase in my hair, but they didn't tug...instead her fingers scratched my scalp which only encouraged me on.

I shoved three fingers into her and she let out a yelp. I stilled and she rocked her hips. "Don't stop...please...fuck...baby don't ever stop." She begged.

So I kept going, kept loving on her, wishing that I was cleared to get loved on myself.

But that time would come, for now I was only focused on the task at hand.

And mouth.

Wanky.

Wanky.

Just. Wanky.

A/N:Something a touch sweeter. Don't we all need it at this point? Errors later. Love ya!-N.R.