Title: We're Not Fighting

Author: SneetchesToo

Rating: Teen

Pairing: Ethan/Rox

Summary: Rox didn't understand why everyone seemed so concerned with her relationship with Ethan.

Author's Note: Rox is being quite the difficult little bean.

—

Rox was frustrated.

No, scratch that, she was angry.

Really, really angry.

And she wasn't entirely sure why, but it was all Ethan's fault.

And she wasn't afraid to take it out on him.

She had gotten word that he was sick from Leanne.

And then Jesse had asked her how he was doing.

And then Campbell had made a comment about how he thought it was odd that she was still working while Ethan was at home with the flu.

She had rolled her eyes at each and every one of them.

But none of them thought she was funny.

They didn't seem to understand why she was keeping her distance.

Why she wasn't glued to Ethan's side while he was sick.

Sure, not getting the flu was a perk, but she had her reasons and she was sticking to them.

He was getting close. Too close. And she was slowly losing her mind knowing that he was so in love with her.

It scared her.

Terrified her even.

And she didn't know how else to make him see that he needed to slow down.

So instead she had pushed him away and stopped taking his calls and answering his texts.

She knew it was hurting him.

But it was honestly for the best.

For both of them.

"Why are you doing this?" Ethan's soft voice broke through her thoughts and she snapped her head up from the book she had been reading.

She had been hiding out at Emo's for the past few days.

Ever since her Christmas Day confession, and subsequent break down, she hadn't wanted to be alone.

She had wanted to be with Ethan, but she needed space.

She needed to get out from under him before one, or both of them, got hurt.

And she knew that it would be because of her.

It always was.

"Doing what?" She tried to pretend like she wasn't phased by his appearance, but that was a lie.

He was exhausted looking. Dark circles under his eyes, the scruff on his face much thicker than normal, his hair unruly.

She could tell that he still felt miserable.

She didn't understand why he was wasting his time worrying with her if that was the case.

"Pushing me away like this. I don't understand." He sounded so hurt and so tired and part of her heart was breaking for him. "Things were going fine. We had such a nice Christmas together and now it's like you won't even look at me."

"I'm not getting into this with you Ethan." But the other part of her heart was so guarded and scared that she didn't know what to think.

She didn't know what to do or what to say to make him realize that this had to stop.

She couldn't do this anymore.

She didn't want to hurt him.

And she knew that the longer they stayed together, the worse it would be when he found out the truth about her.

"Roxane please... if I did something wrong tell me." He had his hands in the pockets of his jogging pants and he looked so damn child like that it was killing her. "I want to make this better. What happened?"

"Nothing happened." She said softly, her eyes returning back to her book as she tried to distract herself from how adorable he looked. Despite looking like death warmed over at the same time.

"Then why are we fighting?" He asked softly.

"We're not fighting." Truth was, she wasn't sure what was happening between them.

"Yes we are!" He yelled. She heard his voice crack and when she snapped her eyes up she could tell that he had over done it. He had tears in his eyes and he had reached a hand up to his neck. "I was sick and you ignored me. I needed you and you ignored me. And now you'll barely talk to me. What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing." She took a deep breath.

This was exactly what she didn't want to happen.

"Bullshit! Rox please..." He was begging her and to be honest she wouldn't be surprised if he dropped to his knees and pleaded with her.

She could tell that he desperately wanted to make things right.

Not that anything was specifically wrong.

"Ethan. I'm tired and I'm not in the mood." She closed her book and then closed her eyes. Her head was pounding just thinking about how poorly this conversation had gone. "Just drop it."

"No!" He screamed once again and she could hear the roughness of his voice.

He really shouldn't be yelling like that given the way he had been feeling the past few days.

"Why the hell not?" She didn't understand why he wouldn't just drop it. Why he wouldn't just get back in his car and drive home and leave her alone? "Please Ethan. Just leave it be."

"I wanna know what I did wrong so I can fix it." His eyes looked so incredibly sad and it was breaking her.

"You didn't do anything wrong." She whispered.

"Then why are you being like this?" His voice was barely a whisper as well and she could see the fight leaving his body. "Why won't you answer my calls or texts?"

"I've been busy Ethan." Truth was, she had only made herself busy in order to avoid him.

She hadn't needed to work as much as she had been.

She was just looking for excuses.

"So busy that you couldn't check on your sick boyfriend?" He sounded so hurt and it destroyed her.

She didn't realize that he wanted her there so badly.

"I hear you were just fine. Leanne was there." She knew that Leanne had been with him, and Ariel, and she was sure that his 'family' had taken care of him just fine. "I'm sure she took care of you just fine."

"Is that what this is about? You're mad because Leanne was there?" He was angry, really angry, and she could see it in his eyes as he moved toward her.

She was trying not to get emotional.

She was trying not to get scared.

But his yelling was making her nervous.

Normally yelling meant hitting, and she wasn't prepared to take that kind of beating right now.

"That's bullshit and you know it Rox. Leanne came over because she was worried about me. So was Ariel. That's more than I can say about you." He let his shoulders slump as he spoke and she could see his eyes getting weary. "I needed help. I couldn't even get out of bed at one point. I'm glad they were there for me. I would have much rather have had you with me but you obviously had better things to do."

"I'm not arguing with you Ethan." And with that she stood up and pushed her away around him.

She let the door slam shut behind her and she flipped the lock without another thought.

"Roxane!" He banged his fist against the door outside and she jumped slightly at the sound. "Roxane!"

She felt the tears start to fall but she didn't dare turn around and open the door.

She didn't dare let him see her fall apart.

—

Rox had retreated upstairs and fallen into bed as soon as she was certain that Ethan had left.

She heard her phone buzz from its spot on the night stand and she hesitated to check it.

She was sure it was Ethan.

She was sure he was going to lay into her.

She was probably going to get quite the lashing if she ever let him back in.

Instead, the words that stared back at her made her heart break in two and she let out a sob before tossing the phone across the room and burying her head in the pillow.

I'm sorry I yelled at you baby. I know I scared you and I didn't mean too. I'm just worried about you. I'm worried about us. I just want us to be okay. I miss you so much it hurts and it's killing me not having you around. I love you. So very very much. Please don't walk away from this. Please don't break my heart. I need you. She replayed the words over and over in her mind until she finally fell into a fitful sleep, her eyes red and raw from crying, her cheeks tear-stained and sore.

—

When she awoke a few hours later it was dark outside and she let out a sigh as she checked the clock on the nightstand.

8:49pm stared back at her and she shook her head to clear her thoughts.

She had been asleep for almost five hours.

She must have really been exhausted.

Pushing herself out of the bed she made her way to the bathroom and showered and pulled her pajamas on quietly before making her way downstairs.

Emo was sitting at the kitchen table, a cup of tea in front of her as she flipped through a magazine.

"You never told me that Ethan was sick." The words left her mouth before Rox had even made it all the way into the room.

She let out a huff.

She should have known he would have run to Emo for help.

"He's fine." She said softly.

She knew that wasn't true.

He looked like death warmed over.

But she didn't want Emo to know the severity of the situation, so she refrained from going into detail.

"He had the flu Roxane." But apparently Ethan had been plenty open with her about what was going on in his world. "Why weren't you there with him? He clearly needed you."

"You know why." She had cried her eyes out to Emo every night since that Christmas Day talk.

She knew damn well why she was avoiding the man.

"We're back on this again?" Emo let out a sigh as she lifted her head, her eyes scanning over her face as she closed her magazine. "You're pushing him away again over something stupid. I can't believe you Rox."

"I can't believe he ratted me out to my aunt like some kind of child." She knew that it was petty to be mad at him for such a thing.

"He's concerned." She knew that. She knew damn well that he was more worried about her than he was about their relationship. But she still had a hard time believing that. "He doesn't understand what's gotten into you and neither do I."

"He deserves better Emo." She whispered. "We've been over this."

"So you just ignored him for four days while he was seriously ill?" Emo made it sound like a much worse situation than it really was and she was having a hard time holding on. "What if something had happened to him Rox? You and I both know that the flu is no joke."

"He was fine. He had Leanne there." She honestly had no right to be so jealous of the woman. She knew that they weren't together, that they hadn't been together in quite a while in fact, and yet, she couldn't help herself. "That was what he wanted and that's what he got. End of story."

"So you're jealous? That's what this is about?" Emo raised an eyebrow at her and she knew that she was being stupid.

"I am not jealous! And that's not what this is about!" At least, it wasn't entirely what this was about. "He deserves better than me and I know that whatever it is that we have won't last. He belongs with someone like Leanne. End of story."

"But he doesn't want Leanne, he wants you." She still had a hard time believing that.

She would never be able to compete with Leanne. Ever.

The woman was everything that she would never be.

"No, he will always want Leanne." She knew that he would always love the woman. She wasn't stupid. "She's his best-friend, the mother of his child. He's always going to want her. And I will never be good enough. I can't compete with that."

"Roxane Grace stop this mess right now! Ethan loves you. More than anything in this world. And you know that." Emo's use of her full name made her jump slightly. She only did that when she was in serious trouble. "Leanne might be his best-friend and she might be the mother of his child, but you are his girlfriend and he loves you. He wants you and only you."

"Emo please..." She just wanted this conversation to end.

She wanted to go back upstairs and go back to bed and forget this day ever happened.

"No Roxane! I will not sit by and watch you destroy this relationship over a fear that makes no sense." Her fears made perfect sense though. Didn't they? "Ethan has said over and over again that he wants to be with you. He tells you constantly how much he loves you. Look at everything that he's done for you, he spoils you rotten. He doesn't deserve to have you treating him like this."

"I..." She didn't even know what to say to that.

It was true. All of it.

Ethan told her constantly that he loved her.

He told her everyday how important she was to him.

And he did spoil her. Absolutely rotten.

And yet, here she was, abandoning him for no good reason at all.

"I know that you're scared of the future Rox. I know that everything that happened in your past has left countless scars, both real and imaginary. But you can't let that keep you from being happy." She couldn't help it as her eyes filled with tears and she watched as Emo stood from her spot at the table and made her way toward her. "You deserve the love that Ethan has to give you honey. I wish you would see that."

"It's not fair to him Emo. He deserves better." She choked out. "He doesn't deserve to deal with my issues. No one does."

"But he wants your issues Rox. He wants to help you through them, more than he wants anything else in this world. He loves you and nothing is going to change that." She felt her whole body shake as a sob took over. "But if you keep pushing him away he's going to get tired of it and he's going to leave. And as much as you may say that it doesn't hurt, I know it does. And I know that you don't want that. I know that you don't want to lose him."

"I'm afraid that I already have." She knew that it would take a lot to come back from what had happened earlier.

She knew that it wouldn't be easy to get him back.

"Nonsense. You need to talk to him though. You need to let him know just why you're so scared." She couldn't tell him the truth. She just couldn't. "He needs to know that you want to try and work through this. He needs to know you don't want to lose him."

"He was so mad. I doubt he'll talk to me." She knew that he would talk to her, he always did.

He wasn't one to run away from his issues with her.

Not like she was.

"He will honey. I promise. Go see him. Spend New Years with him." She had completely forgotten that tomorrow was New Years Eve. The whole week had been such a shit-storm that she had lost complete track of time. "Talk, cuddle, do whatever else it is that you crazy kids do together. But don't let him slip away. Not when you both have so much left to give in this relationship."

"Thank you Emo. For everything." She offered the woman a smile before she pulled her into her arms, hugging her tightly.

"You're welcome love." Emo pressed a gentle kiss to her head before pushing her away from her. "Now go!"

She let out a soft chuckle as she nodded her head and then she was heading upstairs to grab her bag faster than she could process.

She just wanted to be with him now.

She just wanted to make things right.

She just hoped that they could get there without having too big of a fight about it all first.

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