Title: Grandkids?
Author: SneetchesToo
Rating: Teen
Pairing: Ethan/Rox
Summary: Ethan hated having to tell his dad the truth about Rox's medical history. But more than anything, he hated having to come to terms with the painful truth himself.
Author's Note: I know, I know, I'm evil for putting our poor couple through all of this. I do apologize. But… never say never right?!
—
After his heartbreaking conversation with Leanne all Ethan wanted to do was go home and curl up with Rox and sleep the weekend away.
But then he realized that she was working and that he had nowhere else to be.
So he had headed back to his place, his eyes still tearful and bloodshot.
His hands still shaking and his heart still racing in his chest.
He couldn't wrap his head around what had happened to her all those years ago.
Not even after Leanne confirmed for him the details.
Not even after he had been over them a thousand times in his head.
He didn't know what to do or what to think and he could feel his heart breaking even more in his chest.
And it certainly didn't get any better when he got home.
—
His dad had been sitting at the kitchen table, flipping through the mail, when he walked in.
He let out a sigh.
He was really hoping to be alone right now.
He had headed toward the stairs quietly, praying that the man wouldn't hear him, but he wasn't as lucky as he thought.
"Your cousin Amy's having another baby." He called from the kitchen.
"Good for her." He called back.
He didn't even want to think about babies right now.
Not after the past few days.
And he certainly didn't want to think about Cousin Amy and her small army of children.
Sure, he contemplated the idea of a half dozen kids or so, but he never actually thought he'd go through with it.
Amy, on the other hand, well she was already on what had to be kid number seven at this point.
"This makes baby number six." Okay, so he was close enough.
Still, six kids in under nine years sounded like too much damn work for him.
"Her choice dad." He knew that Amy was well aware of how birth control worked, at least he hoped so. If her and that crazy husband of hers wanted to have another child, they were more than welcome too.
He just didn't want to have any part in it right now.
"So when are you gonna give me grand babies anyway?" His dad's question caused him to stop in his tracks, his hand tightening around the railing of the staircase as he took a deep breath.
"You have Ariel dad." He called back.
"Yeah, well, I meant a baby Ethan." He rolled his eyes at his father's words.
"That's not gonna happen dad." He hated letting those words leave his mouth.
It broke his heart every time he had to come to terms with the fact that he and Rox would probably never have a baby of their own.
"Oh come on." His dad appeared next to the staircase, a curious expression on his face as he held up what Ethan guessed was an announcement about Cousin Amy's new baby.
"It's not possible dad." He let his head drop forward, his eyes doing their best to avoid the card in his father's hands. "So don't get your hopes up."
"Not possible?" The older man raised an eyebrow at him and he dropped down to the steps, his back leaning back against the wall as he let out a sigh.
"Not possible." He lifted his head then, his eyes connecting with his father's.
There was a look of understanding behind the man's eyes and it almost broke him more.
"I hate to be invasive, but is it you? Or her?" He honestly didn't mind his father's questioning, for once in his life. But he didn't know how much of this Rox would feel comfortable with him sharing.
"Her." He whispered.
"Bad?" He could see that his father was concerned and nothing more.
He knew that the man cared about Rox a lot. That he loved her like a daughter. He knew that he would just want to make sure that she was taken care of.
"She was pregnant once. Guess her guy of the moment wasn't okay with that." He shrugged his shoulders as he spoke. Simply saying those words were almost too much for him. "He decided to take care of the problem on his own."
"That doesn't sound good." He could see the panic in his dad's eyes as he moved to stand at the bottom of the stairs.
"He slashed straight through her uterus." He closed his eyes as he whispered his words. "She was in the hospital for months."
"Damn." His father's voice echoed his thoughts and he could almost hear the pain in that one simple word.
"There's a 1 in 1000th chance she'll ever conceive again." Leanne had laid the odds out for him. She had shown him the research that had been done, the possibilities that were out there for them. It didn't look good, but he didn't want to give up hope if he didn't have too.
"Well if there's anyone who can beat those odds, it's you two." He snapped his eyes up to meet his father's and he felt his heart stop in his chest.
There was nothing but hope in the older man's eyes and it made his heart race in his chest.
"Dad, please." He wanted to beat those odds more than he had ever wanted anything in his entire life. And yet, he didn't want to get excited about something that would likely never happen.
"What? I'm just saying." He shrugged his shoulders as he spoke softly and Ethan let out a breath. "You two are pretty good at beating odds if I recall correctly."
"Even if she did conceive dad, she'd never carry to term." Of that much, he was certain.
He knew enough about the process of growing a baby to know that Rox's uterus would never be able to withstand that kind of growth.
They would likely never make it past 32 weeks is what Leanne had said.
Which is what all the research had said too.
And while that was doable, it wasn't even a guarantee.
He wanted a healthy baby, but he wanted a healthy Rox even more.
And if this could potentially harm either one of them, it was out of the question.
"You know, I get that being 'carried to term' is important medically and all, but it's a bit overrated." He let out a groan at his father's words.
The man had no medical knowledge outside of what he had learned from watching reruns of ER on late night television.
For him to let those words leave his mouth made Ethan cringe.
"Excuse me?" He choked out his question, his eyes boring into his dad's as he tried to grasp what he was saying.
"You and your brother we're both early. In fact, you were probably what would be considered preemie by today's standards." He knew that his mom had only made it to 34 weeks with Robbie before she had gotten pneumonia and he had had to be delivered. He wasn't aware that she had had him early as well. "You both turned out fine."
"It doesn't always work like that dad." And not every preemie baby made it out alive. And not every preemie baby went on to live a normal life. There were long term effects that he didn't want to face, that he didn't want to dare try and wrap his head around. But more than that, he didn't want it to hurt Rox. He could never handle raising a child without her. "It could hurt Rox. I could lose her. Totally not worth the risk. No matter how badly we want a baby."
"So you guys have talked about it?" He closed his eyes at the older man's question.
He knew that his dad was as supportive of their relationship as one person could possibly be.
But it was still odd to tell him that they had talked about having a baby.
"Well not really." Well, sort of anyway.
"Enough to know it'd happen if it were a possibility?" His dad must have been able to read his damn mind.
And it pissed him off slightly.
"Enough to know that the loss of that baby she once carried has broken her." She was haunted by it, that much he knew. And while she hadn't said anything to him about it since their conversation the night before, he knew that there was still so much inside of her that hurt. "It still haunts her everyday. I would never put her through that again."
"And if she happened to get pregnant?" He wasn't sure how he would handle that if it ever happened.
The idea both thrilled and frightened him.
"Then we'd do what we had to do." And he guessed that they would.
If it meant terminating the pregnancy to save her life, that's what it meant.
If it meant taking every careful step and precaution necessary to get her as far along as possible, than that's what they would do.
"It's a shame really." He could see the sorrow in his dad's eyes and his heart ached knowing that he could never give his dad grandchildren like he seemed to want. "You guys would make great parents."
"I think we're probably better off as not." He didn't believe that for a second.
They would make great parents. Of that he was certain.
But he figured it was easier to just act like he wasn't that interested.
That it was safer to protect his heart from the idea 110%.
"Well, I guess that's open to interpretation then huh?" He closed his eyes as he nodded his head.
"Guess so." He whispered.
They stayed silent for a few minutes, his breaths starting to even out as his dad shifted from foot to foot in front of him.
He knew that he was trying to be supportive, but right now, he just wanted to stop talking about it.
"You two can always adopt." He had brought that idea up to Rox but she hadn't seemed very interested in it.
"Dad…" He knew that his dad was trying to be helpful. That he was trying to provide him some sort of wisdom.
"What? I'm just saying. There's plenty of kids out there who need a good home." He was well aware of that fact. He had Ariel after all. And knowing where she had come from, what he and Leanne had saved her from, was enough to make him want to save them all. "Look at what Leanne has done for Ariel. Look what you've done for her. You and Rox could give that kind of good life to other children."
"We've decided we're just gonna get a puppy." He shrugged his shoulders with his words.
He had always wanted a dog anyway. And apparently so had Rox.
So he figured they might as well at this point.
"A puppy Ethan? Really?" His dad rolled his eyes though. He guessed that maybe he thought they were being a bit childish in their decisions.
"What? Rox wants a puppy." And so did he if he was being honest. It wasn't even her idea to begin with.
"But not a child?" He didn't understand why his dad was so wrapped up in this.
Why couldn't they just get a dog or two and call it a day?
"Yes dad, she wants a child. But after everything she's been through…" He let his voice trail off as he closed his eyes. They wanted a baby, he knew that much. Whether she would come right out and admit it or not, he knew that's what they both wanted. But he would never put her life in danger, not over something as small as this. There were other ways they could complete their family, ways that wouldn't put her life at risk. "I'd never put her through that again. Not unless it was what she wanted 110%."
"I think you should look into it son." He opened his eyes as his dad sighed softly.
"I'm not having this discussion with you." He moved to stand, his heart deciding that he had had enough of all this baby talk.
He just wanted to go to sleep and forget this had ever happened.
"What? I'm just trying to help." He whispered softly. "You guys want a baby but can't have one yourselves, is that right?"
"Yes dad, that's right." He couldn't stand the thought any longer. It was too much for him.
"Then why not take someone else's baby?" He raised an eyebrow at his father's words.
He made it sound like they were ready to commit some kind of crime.
"You make it sound like I'm gonna sneak into the nursery in the middle of the night and steal some random person's kid." He would never do such a thing, but he knew what his dad meant by his statement.
"You know what I mean son." And he did know. He knew all to well what his dad meant by those words. Adoption wasn't out of the question, at least not entirely. "There's no reason you two can't get what you want out of all of this."
"Dad…" He huffed out.
He knew the man's heart was in the right place but his head was hurting and his heart was racing and he just wanted this conversation to stop.
"Or get a surrogate." He had never even given that option a single thought. But it was a good one. "I'm sure you could find someone willing to do that. It's LA for Christ's sake. Anything for a quick buck right?"
"Jesus dad, we're talking about having a kid, not trading in an Oldsmobile." He was getting snippy and he knew it was because he was tired and overwhelmed.
He hoped that his father understood that he didn't mean any harm by it.
"Just… I think you guys should think about it. Look into it." He shook his head as his father continued to speak. "Do some research. What could it hurt?"
"I'm going to bed dad." He whispered, his legs turning his body around as he started to head back up the stairs and toward his room. "Thanks for the pep talk, I think."
"Think about it son!" He heard his father call from the landing. "No reason to give up on your dreams so easily!"
"Yeah yeah yeah." He sighed to himself.
If only it were that easy.
If only their dreams could come true with such little effort.
He knew that he shouldn't give up.
He certainly didn't want to give up.
But he knew that Rox was hurting even more than he was and that was enough to make him want to stop and reconsider everything.
He loved her, more than he had ever loved anyone or anything, and he wanted nothing more than to make her happy.
And it was breaking his heart knowing that he couldn't give her this.
No matter how badly he wanted to try.
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