A/N: First up, so sorry for anyone who has me on alerts for Linstead fics. I haven't felt inspired to write lately, but finally feel it again but with another show... haha

I thought I'd try my hand at MacGyver because I love it and I really need to get my fix for MacRiley until such time it happens in the show lol

I wrote this middle of the night Saturday when I couldn't sleep - so hope it's not too full of mistakes.

Also sorry it's OOC because I cannot accurately capture Riley and Mac... lol

Hidden Desires - Part One

Riley POV

Things have been tense since we returned from Washington DC, I'm staring blankly at open fridge in front of me.

"Unsure what you want?" I swallow roughly before turning to see Mac's boyish grin. My heart flutters, not having seen it in much too long.

"Just thinking I guess." I shrug before grabbing water and closing the fridge.

"You heading out?" I raise an eyebrow at his outfit.

"Meeting Desi for drinks."

"Ah. Yes," My eyes drop to the floor briefly, recalling the image of them together in Washington, my heart aches.

"What are you going to say?" I question, not being able to contain my curiosity.

"Don't know yet, see what happens I guess." He shrugs and my eyebrows shoot up.

"I know you like to improvise Mac, but I don't think that's the way to go here."

"What?" He crosses his arms.

"Doesn't seem that's been working for you two… You just going to go back to 'normal' and pretend everything is working out again?" I use air quotes, unable to contain the anger in my voice.

I turn away making myself busy and resigning myself to finding my own apartment to put space between us, try and build up the wall around my heart.

"We work fine together." He bites back.

"Sure. With all that bickering and banter, it's a real treat to work with you two." I snark at him, eyes meeting his briefly.

"Do you all feel this way?"

"You know what Mac, this isn't my business. Have fun." I walk to move past him, his warm hands wrap around my wrist pulling me back.

"Well you clearly have thoughts on the matter."

"You know what Mac? Do you two have anything besides physical attraction? Honestly, can you look me in the eyes and tell me that you're in love with her?" He falters for a few moments before looking at the floor in shame.

"You can't. So why did you tell her you love her?" His eyes shoot up.

"How do you know that?"

"Doesn't matter Mac, why'd you say it if you didn't mean it?"

"Because… it just came out okay? I was going through a lot and she was being all over me about it and I just… I guess I just wanted to please her." I scoff, shaking my head and staring at the ceiling.

"You pushed her away. Why Mac? With everything you were going through."

"Because opening up to her on a personal level is hard… I don't know why. I can't explain it."

"You should be able to talk to your girlfriend Mac. It's not just about a physical connection."

"Our job isn't normal Riley. We're not normal… so we don't have a normal relationship."

"Is that what you're telling yourself?" The same words Bozer said to me, I relay to Mac. The silence stretches before us and I can see his mind whirring trying to process everything.

"Look, Mac. You need to be able to talk to your girlfriend. Be intimate with her… emotionally not just physically. When we were on that double date you two were continually distracted looking for work. You should be with someone you can talk to about anything… whether it's some dumb movie you watched, or something deeper. Like the loss of your father and aunt. More importantly you should be with someone who you can trust, and who trusts you."

"I…"

"You went rogue Mac and I trusted you, she didn't. She was your girlfriend, she should have had more faith in you." I move to walk around him again, leaving him in his stunned silence.

"Riles…" he whispers and I turn back to look in his eyes, theres an emotion there I can't place.

"Mac, I just want you to be happy okay? If she makes you happy, then I support it. I'll be behind you a hundred percent, always. Just… think about what I said okay? Don't keep rushing back in, trying to fix a relationship that maybe shouldn't be in the first place… You both deserve better." I wait until he nods, a frown creasing his forehead before walking back to my room and closing the door. The possibility of seeing those two together again, breaks my heart and all my hope.

I lean back against the door, tears burning my eyes. I fall on to the bed, head buried in my pillow to muffled the sounds of my sobs, tears finally allowed to fall now I'm away from his piercing blue eyes.

Mac POV

Riley's words ring in my ears as I sit in my car gathering the nerve to go inside and meet Desi.

My heart hurt listening to her words, knowing she's right. The words I spoke to her in Germany, imagining myself alone when it all ends and regretting it hit me like a tonne of bricks.

I see Desi through my windshield and it all falls in to place, I know what I want in this moment.

I was never in love, I was grasping onto the idea of sharing my life with someone I didn't have to lie to.

Riley POV

When I wake the next morning, the house is quiet and I feel myself scowl when I realise Mac is probably at Desi's.

I try and feel grateful they aren't here, inadvertently throwing it in my face.

I grab some breakfast and a water and head out for my apartment hunt before I'm needed at work.

Mac POV

"You're here early." Bozer comments as I walk into the lab.

"Couldn't sleep, figured I'd get a jump on the day."

"So how did the big talk go?" He swings around on the chair to face me, raised eyebrows.

"It's over."

"For now or good this time?" For the first time in a while it's like my vision is clear and I realise those around me knew all along what I do now.

"For good. We weren't a good pair." I lift a shoulder in a casual shrug.

"You've said that before."

"Then… a series of events happened and so I did the wrong thing." He frowns in confusion before smiling.

"Glad you two are finally over, even though I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Doesn't matter… it really doesn't." It's quiet between us until I speak again.

"You guys really didn't like us together huh?" I sit down on a chair and cross my arms.

"Guys? Who else didn't?" I narrow my eyes at him.

"Riley. Boz, you can't lie. I know you know."

"Oh, so she told you huh?" His shoulders slump, like he's relieved of the secret he's been carrying.

"Yeah." I sigh loudly.

"Did things get awkward?"

"No, just a wake up call. I needed it." An eyebrow of his shoots up.

"How did you react to her confession?"

"Confession? Boz it's not that big of a deal." I chuckle, playing with a paperclip.

"Not that big of a deal?" He gives me a look that screams 'oh please'.

"Yeah." I shrug confused.

"Wait. What exactly did she tell you? That she's moving out or-"

"Riles is moving out?" I exclaim standing up in alarm, I watch Bozer gulp nervously and look away.

"Damn it." He mutters to himself, posture going rigid again.

"What exactly did she tell you?"

"That I deserve someone it's not just physical with, that Desi and I aren't good together, and I need someone who trusts me… always. But that she'd support me no matter what, she just wants me happy."

"Of course she did. She's always raising above." I can't shake his look of disappointment.

"What?" I ask and he just shrugs like he's not going to answer.

"Can we just go back to the she's moving out thing?" I continue exasperated.

"You really should talk to her about this Mac."

"You're the one who brought it up."

"Mac, I'm serious - talk to her. Before it's too late."

"You make it sound like I'm going to lose her."

"As a friend? Never." I frown at him in confusion.

"I don't understand."

"You know for a smart dude… you can be really oblivious."

"What am I missing here?"

"Mac, you may be trying to fool yourself, but I'm your best friend and I know you better than you know yourself." He gets a message on his phone and stands.

"By the way, in case it wasn't obvious. My dibs ended a long time ago." He shoots me a knowing looking before leaving me speechless in the lab.

Riley POV

"Hey Boz."

"Hey…" I narrow my eyes at him, turning to him in the hallway.

"What did you do?" I raise an eyebrow and he turns to me nervously.

"Now, don't freak out."

"What. did. you. Do?"

"I may have let your secret spill to Mac, but in my defence I thought he already knew."

"You told him I'm in love with him?" I grab his arm and drag him away from the war room.

"No, but at least you can finally say it out loud."

"Really? You're going to bright side it right now?"

"Look, he told me that you finally told him… in the context of the conversation I thought he meant your feelings. But he didn't seem to be responding how I thought… so I asked if he was talking about the fact you're moving out or-"

"You told him I'm moving out?" I hiss out, feeling so much embarrassment and tears burning my eyes.

"Accidentally… but I'd like you to focus on the fact you just interrupted me there… just as he did. So I never said the or that she's in love with you. So… bright side?" I'm stunned into mortified silence for a few moments, heart beating rapidly in my chest.

"Boz… wait, what was he referring to?"

"Your thoughts on Desi and him."

"Oh. Yeah, that. Didn't really hold back." I turn to lean against the wall, head leaning back.

"About time. He needed to hear it, and you're the only one he'd actually listen to. No one else can get through to him."

"Oh, whatever. I'm not that important to him."

"Hey, yes you are. You should tell him how you're feeling."

"I can't deal with his rejection Bozer. It would break me… and, I need to try and salvage our friendship. Because I can't lose him, I need him in my life. So I just have to find a way to get over how I'm feeling. Starting by moving out."

"Ri…" He pulls me in for a hug.

"Speaking of, I'm moving out this weekend. Can you help me?"

"I'll always help you, with whatever you need."

"Thanks…"

"Something else on your mind?"

"Yeah, how did you cope when I didn't return your feelings? Did it feel like this? Because if it did, I'm so sorry. This is karma isn't it, I feel like I'm being punished."

"Ri. I had a boy crush on you. Yeah I was jealous but I wasn't in love with you, I hadn't known you for years… this is different with you and Mac."

"It hurts Boz." I whisper, my voice breaking.

"I know Ri. Come here." He pulls me in to a hug.

After we entered the war room, I felt Mac's eyes burning into the side of my head in the briefing, his continued furtive glances my way through the mission, whenever our eyes met his blue eyes were icy and confused.

I collapse on the couch glad to escape his questioning gaze for the first time today, my tired body melts into the cushions and my eyes drift closed.

My body tenses when I hear the front door open, my heart races hoping it's not Mac home yet. I cowardly pretend to be asleep to avoid conflict, before I can slink away to my room.

"Riley, I know you're not asleep. Your breathing isn't even." I roll my eyes as they open, turning to glare him him.

"I was trying to be." I ignore the sting at drop of my nickname.

"We need to talk."

"Really? Couldn't tell with all the staring today." The sarcasm drips from my voice.

"When were you going to tell me you're moving out?"

"When I found somewhere, besides the timing hasn't exactly been right to talk about me. What's the big deal? This was always meant to be temporary." I stand from my spot on the couch and turn to face his fallen face.

"It doesn't have to be, you can stay. My house is yours."

"I appreciate that, but it's time to leave. I'm moving out this weekend." The words hurt and leave a bitter taste behind in my mouth.

"I'm sorry."

"For what Mac?"

"I've neglected our friendship, you didn't think you could talk to me." He's closing the distance between us, his eyes showing his sorrow.

"Mac… you've always been there for me. You've just been going through a lot… more than anyone should have to. It's fine."

"It's not fine… not if you're upset."

"I'm not upset." I hit back, shrugging.

"Okay, if that's what you're telling yourself."

"I deserve that." We crack a smile, he closes the distance between us and pulls me into his arms.

I grind my teeth, desperately keeping myself from crying, his scent encasing my senses and his warm arms around my waist.

"Thank you Riles."

"For what?" I pull back to look up at him, his hand comes up and plays with the hair framing my face, his thumb brushing my cheek.

"Everything. You have saved my life countless times, but this time you put your career and your life on the line… because you trusted me."

"I'll always have your back Mac." I blink back the tears and his forehead drops to mine.

"There's no way I can ever thank you enough for what you did for me… I couldn't have done it without you."

"Sure you could. You can improvise anything."

"I can only be as good as the team around me. Sometimes I think you're the only one on the team who can follow my train of thought."

"Only sometimes, you've got a big brain." I pull away, putting some space between us before I grab his face and kiss him deeply.

"Seriously Riles. You're amazing, and having you in my life means everything to me. So if there's a problem between us, please tell me and I'll fix it."

The problem is I'm in love with you and you can't see it, and your love for me is that of family and nothing more.

"There's no problem. Just decided to move out and give you and Desi the space you deserve." I shrug away my denial.

"Oh, great. Desi and I broke up. You can stay." He winks at me before moving around me to the kitchen.

"What? You broke up? For good this time?"

"I now understand why everyone keeps saying that. But yes, you were right last night."

"I was?"

"Don't act surprised, you're wicked smart." I crack a smile.

"Well, I'm sorry… but I'm happy for you. I know you'll be happier in the long run."

"I already am."

"Good… but don't give up on finding that someone who is right for you. Which is why I'm still going to move out okay? Give us both the space we need. Gets complicated living together, and add in dating…" Words are just spilling out of my mouth now, confusion back in his eyes.

"Riles. Does it make you uncomfortable?" The question has my heart racing.

"Mac, I just miss living alone okay? I appreciate you letting me crash when Aubrey and I broke up but it's time for me to get my own place again." I don't miss the flash in his eyes at Aubrey's name.

"I really can't change your mind?" It takes all my self control not to reply 'you could', knowing that his confession of feelings is never going to happen.

I just shake my head and turn and leave towards my bedroom.

A/N: Let me know if you are interested in me continuing.

:)