Chapter 42: Do What U Gotta Do (Angie Stone)

It's amazing how quickly things change in the justice system.

You can be all well and good, thinking that you're getting away with murder and the next thing you know, it can all change.

I was hovering forty thousand feet above New York City when my mother called me.

"You need to say goodbye to Brittany and the baby before you step foot off that plane, do you understand. I am already on my way to you, I board my plane in ten minutes." I looked over at Britt who was holding Daniela and humming softly.

"What happened?"

"Marco...he spoke to your judge, there are officers waiting at the airport for you. You are being brought up on attempted murder charges. Someone told them about the bleach and he confirmed it."

"Oh God." I whispered as I covered my mouth with my hand.

"They''ll take you in and book you, then I'll come and do what I need to do to get you out but with these kind of charges, anything could happen."

"No...Mami...I need to see my son."

"That's not going to happen, Nanita...just be glad that you have warning and you can at least cherish these few moments with Brittany and Daniela."

Fuck!

"What's wrong?" Britt said as she leaned closer to me.

"Mami is on the w-way. I'm about to be arrested." I whispered, knowing that my nephews were in earshot.

"What?" Britt screeched. Everyone turned towards us and Britt looked around wild eyed.

"B...you have to m-make sure that the boys don't see it...please?" I pleaded. She always worked better when she had a task.

"Okay."

"Thank you...let me hold her." I said as the plane started to ease closer to the ground for a landing.

I adjusted myself so that I could feed Daniela one last time before I got carted off. Who knew how long it would be before I got back home.

As we landed, my heart sped up and my body shook. I could feel the tears streaming down my face as Britt jumped to her feet and went over to talk to my sisters. I could see their faces shifting as she whispered harshly to them...probably telling them more than they needed to know so that they would see why they needed to take the boys off the plane first.

I sat there with my eyes closed, feeling hopeless as I tried to make the tears stop. I had planned to go see Isaac straight from the plane but that wasn't going to happen now.

I wanted to kill Marco!

My sisters patted my shoulders and kissed my head before taking the boys off the plane like nothing was amiss.

And thankfully, the cops didn't enter the plane until they were inside the airport.

I had been in the process of pulling out my pump and hesitated but they nodded for me to go ahead.

"We can wait."

"Thank you."

Britt was standing with them, promising that I'd cooperate once I finished pumping and they both seemed pretty understanding. I could tell though that she was super anxious about it as she stood there rocking from one foot to the other with Daniela sleeping against her chest.

The machine buzzed as I finished filling the last bottle.

I sighed heavily as I screwed on the cap and resituated my clothing.

"I'm done." I said, standing to my feet and looking towards the door where the two cops were standing with cuffs at the ready. "Is it really necessary to cuff me?"

"Yes...standard procedure with these types of charges." he said as he walked towards me.

"Can I kiss my wife and my baby first?" I said with a smile on my face.

"Okay." I nodded and walked over to Brittany, she looked panicked. I wouldn't be there for her surgery or to take care of her after...I could possibly not be there for even more than that. I tried to smile for her even though I had tears in my eyes.

But her tears matched mine as she held her arm out for me. She pulled me close, the baby between us as she kissed my face, my lips, and finally my neck before she pressed her lips next to my ear.

"We are going to work through this, Ana. Don't worry about the kids or my surgery...everything will be taken care of. Okay, you need to not fight them...don't argue. Just keep your head down, be polite and do what they say...even if they say your name wrong...just go with it. Don't ruffle any feathers. Trust me."

Her eyes were searching mine and then it hit me, she was speaking from experience since she had been arrested after choking me. I nodded and kissed her again.

"I love you, Britt Britt." She kissed me hard and I could feel all of her angst and sadness.

"I love you too babe! So much!"

I kissed Daniela all over her face and then held my nose to her neck. I inhaled deeply and then kissed her once more. This was what I would miss the most, being able to kiss her and touch her whenever I wanted to. These were big charges, I had no idea when I would get out again. I handed the baby back to Britt and then smiled at her once more before putting my hands in front of me.

The cops were gentle with me, even as they helped me into the back of a police cruiser with my hands clasped. I kept my head down and my eyes closed as the sirens went on and we pulled away from the airport. We had been driving a few minutes when the cop that cuffed me turned around and whistled towards me.

"You have a beautiful family." he said as he tried to make conversation.

"Thank you." I whispered.

"I'm sorry that we had to pick you up like this, judges orders."

"It's fine." I mumbled as I kept my eyes down, facing my lap.

"Sorry about your loss."

"Yea...thanks." I said quietly before lifting my head and meeting his eyes.

"Real tragedy that Marco decided to implicate you after so much time."

He said that like he was familiar with Marco and I wanted to question him but his partner seemed to be too invested in the conversation and I knew my miranda rights. Anything I said and did could be held against me.

So I was going to listen to my wife. Be polite and keep my head down.

I got that this guy was trying to make this transition to prison easier for me but despite his intentions, he was just making me feel worse. I nodded towards him and then decided to change the subject.

"Where am I being taken?" I said quietly.

"Rikers until your hearing." he said as he nodded and then turned back around.

"Thanks for b-being so un-understanding back there." I said before dropping my head again. He was trying to be nice and was being more open than most cops so I wasn't going to be a complete and total ass to him.

I didn't need to make any enemies at the moment.

There is something incredibly humbling about being so rich and powerful with my family and then having to strip down, be forced to submit to a cavity search and put on an ugly brown jumpsuit. I had to take that demeaning cold shower and then I was carted off just like any old common criminal. I was put into a single cell, in a unit for people like me?

When I asked what they meant by that the guard snorted and said in a cold voice, "Murderers."

Just hearing that word sent a chill through my bones.

I laid on my mattress and stared up at the ceiling feeling cold and a little sore. I hadn't slept since the day before so I wasn't shocked when sleep began to take me under.

It was better that way.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

I jerked awake, my whole body suddenly stiff and rigid. The window outside my cell had shown sunlight but was now dark. How long had I slept?

I sat up as the door opened and the lights flooded the room.

"Get up! You have a visitor." I sat up from the bed and tried to get my bearings. I felt my body shaking badly.

The cravings were back in full force.

"Who is it?" My voice tore from my throat harshly.

"Do I look like a fucking bellhop? Let's go!" I wanted badly to pull my hair into a ponytail but I wasn't allowed, instead I made my way towards the doorway feeling disgusting. The guard gripped my arm tightly and helped me to walk down the hall. I felt sick to my stomach as the cravings made my body quake. "You a junkie?"

I lifted my eyes and shook my head vigorously. "No."

"You're not fooling anybody, kid." he said with a snide look on his face.

Head down.

Be polite.

I sat handcuffed to table, just like Marco was last week, I waited for my visitor to arrive. I had my eyes closed and was picturing my babies faces when the door on the opposite end of the room opened.

My eyes popped open as I watched the door closely. I didn't speak as Mami entered the room with another woman.

Even though I was happy to see my mother, I was a little disappointed that it wasn't Brittany walking through that door.

My mom's face dropped when she saw me sitting there not being able to move.

"How are you, all things considered?" she asked.

I was too tired to be sarcastic so I just blinked back my tears and tried to smile.

"I just w-want to go home to my kids." I said quietly as I dropped my head.

"I talked to Marco." My head shot up as I looked in my mother's eyes. "He tried to take back what he said but once the words were out there...well, they decided to charge you after the autopsy results. Her family came forward and they want to take down everyone involved."

"So...I'm fucked?" I said as anger coursed through me.

"No...don't you dare give up fighting for your freedom, Santana. That's why I brought Evelyn here."

I looked at the silent woman and tried to read her but found that she had a bigger wall up than I did.

"And who is she?" I said as I looked back at my mother.

"She's an attorney...one of the very best and she's going to help me get you out of here. Tomorrow morning at your hearing, they are going to ask for your plea."

I could feel that my face was cold as I looked back at my mother.

"And you want me to pl-plead not guilty?" I asked, feeling the sarcasm come back full force.

"I want you to tell the truth, yes."

"Which version?" I asked.

"Don't play games, Santana. This is bigger than you...do you understand?" Mami slammed her hand down on the table in frustration.

"Yes, Mami. I get it."

"Then you are going to have to let me do what I do best."

Lie.

I swear that was the first thing that came to my mind as I looked at my mother throw up her thickest walls. I nodded politely and allowed her to go on and on about the semantics of my case. I didn't argue. I just filled out papers and signed my statement for the judge. I found out that my hearing wasn't until the next afternoon, so Mami was going to come in the morning to let me pump more milk for Daniela. Of course I would have to be monitored while doing it.

The more time that I spent in the system, the more I wanted to run far away from the idea of being a lawyer and instead running to LA to pursue fame and fortune.

It would be easier than this life.

After being rounded up like cattle and being forced to eat among the masses, I was carted into a game room and made to sit there for an hour of free time before being able to go to bed. I ended up falling asleep at a random table instead of interacting with other people. I was just so tired. I didn't want to be in this place but if I was going to be, I would at least catch up on my sleep.

The other women kept looking at me but no one had enough balls to approach me, at least not at first.

"You new here?" I heard a deeper voiced woman say. I raised my head just enough to look at her and was shocked to see such a beautiful woman looking back at me.

Her hair was black like mine and her eyes were a darker shade of black. She was beautiful...too beautiful for this place. I sat up fully and looked her in the eyes.

"Yes." I said strongly. I wasn't about to become anyone's bitch.

"Yea...I figured. You're too pretty to be here...what happened, a boyfriend piss you off and you kill him?" she said as she slid into the seat across from me.

I smirked and shook my head.

"No. You?" I said as I crossed my hands over my chest.

"Caught my brother-in-law trying to rape my little girl and killed him in a fit of rage." she said as she looked down at her hands. "And I would do it again." she said as she looked up at me with a cold expression.

"Shit." I whispered as I looked at her shaking hand. I looked in her eyes and saw her eyes bounce. I knew the look in her eyes, I had seen it plenty of times.

Withdrawal.

"So did you kill someone?" she asked again.

I shook my head and then put my sweaty hands flat on the table.

"Not quite. I attempted to but wasn't successful...g-got brought down anyway."

"Tough."

"Yea." My boobs were aching with the fullness of the milk. I loosened my arms from around my chest and then immediately covered them again when I felt the leaking.

"Breastfeeding?" she said softly.

I nodded and looked away.

I didn't want to cry.

I wouldn't cry...not here...not now.

She stood from her seat and walked over to one of the female guards and pointed towards me. I ducked my head in embarrassment. This was totally not cool. They were headed over to me.

"You having a problem, Mrs. Lopez?" she said to me nicely. "With...your milk?" she said in a low tone. I nodded and she placed a hand on my arm. "Come with me, I have just the thing."

I was insanely embarrassed as the woman gave me gauze like pads to put in my bra to absorb the milk. After that was taken care of she led me back to my room so that I could get some rest.

"Thanks." I said to her before she closed my door.

"I totally understand...how old is your baby?"

"Two months, yesterday." I said as I peeled the top off and tossed it in the sink.

"I hope that she's with people that you trust." The guard said before walking out and closing the door.

"She's with her mother." I whispered quietly to the empty room.

The next morning I was allowed to sleep in and breakfast was waiting for me in the game room. I sat alone at a table and slowly broke apart my bread and dipped it in the peanut butter and then the jelly. It was how I liked to eat my Peanut Butter and Jelly as a kid before I could cook. When that was all that was in the house, I found that if I ate it this way, all torn apart that I stayed fuller, longer.

"You eat like my daughter." I looked up to see the same woman from last night, sliding in across from me.

"Yea? She must be pr-pretty awesome." I smiled as I popped another piece of bread in my mouth.

"She is."

"How old?" I asked as I continued to eat.

"She's seven." I looked across the table at this woman who looked insanely young and tried to imagine her as a mom of a seven year old.

"I know...I look young...I was fifteen when I had her. What about you though...you look like you're still in High School." I laughed for the first time in days.

"Actually, I'm nineteen. Graduated high school last J-June."

"Wow. So how old is your baby?"

"Two months old." I said quietly.

"A new mom and already you are away from her?" she said as she reached across and swiped my apple. "Raw deal."

I grabbed the apple back and took a huge bite from it before handing it back to her. She smirked and began to happily chomp away at it.

"She's my s-second. My son is al-almost one."

"Wow! Your boyfriend must like what you look like pregnant huh?" she said as she chuckled.

"Actually, I'm gay and I h-have a wife." I laughed out loud when I saw her almost choke on the apple.

"Holy shit! Here I thought you were like some innocent! Wow. I like you! My name's Brenda Lopez, what's yours." I sat there shell shocked as I stared at this woman who shared the name of my dead sister. She looked at me sideways as she chewed the apple. "Are you alright?"

"Yea...um...my name's S-Santana."

"Nice to meet you Santana Lopez." I looked at her sideways and cocked an eyebrow.

"The guard yesterday called you by your last name...well OUR last name. Figured what are the odds, another smoking hot Lopez!" I smirked in understanding and polished off the last of my deconstructed sandwich.

"Nice to m-meet you, Brenda."

"Just call me, Enda...it's what everyone else does."

"Gladly." I said feeling relief at not having to say my sister's name so soon.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded and pushed my tray away before looking her in the eyes.

"My s-sister Brenda just d-died a few days ago...your n-name kind of shocked me."

"Shit...I'm sorry for your loss."

"Th-Thanks."

"You want to play cards or something?" she said as she pulled a pack from her pocket.

"Please." At this point, I'd do anything to get my mind off of the crazy shit in my life and got had saw fit to send me a friend with my sister's name. It was like a wink from God and I just went with it.

Especially since I had nothing but time on my hands.

"So...I have been here for three months because the public defender is jerking me around."

"Wow." I said as I dealt a card.

"Asshole. I just wish that they would sentence me already. Jayla has already been through enough. Nobody brings her to see me so I haven't seen her since that night."

I looked at the pain in her eyes as she talked about her daughter and it hurt to think about not being able to see my kids for three months.

"So why not get a l-lawyer?"

"We're Latina, Santana nobody is ready to fucking help us with shit...not unless you have the money to pay them." She whispered as she shook her head in anger. Which made me feel sheepish as I thought about how much shit I would have gone through without my mother and Sal around to bail me out.

What if I hadn't had the money to help myself?

This girl right here was reminding me of the reason that I wanted to be a lawyer.

"Santana Lopez!" My head jerked up as I looked over at the guard. "Your hearing's in twenty minutes."

I nodded and stood to my feet. I caught Enda's eye and smiled softly.

"Everything will w-work out for you. I have faith that it w-will."

"Thanks. Same to you San!"

I hadn't been allowed to change out of my jumpsuit so, I just brushed my hair the best that I could. Enda told me that they probably weren't expecting me to get out so there was no point of getting me all dressed up for a thirty minute hearing.

Boy were they wrong.

"Mrs. Lopez, how does your client plead?" The judge looked over towards my mother.

"Not guilty, your honor." I said confidently.

Hoping that it would show.

After that everything pretty much changed.

The judge reviewed the case and my file and seemed impressed by it.

So she put me on house arrest effective immediately pending a trial before the grand jury.

My whole chest released all the tension that I had been holding.

"Your honor, may I approach?" My mother said quietly. The judge nodded and I watched my mother walk up to the front. They talked for a few minutes before, Mami nodded and walked back towards our table. I looked at her in the eye and caught her wink just before the judge cleared her throat.

"Mrs. Lopez, your attorney has informed me that you have a sick child in the hospital, is that correct?"

"Yes, y-your honor." I said as I dropped my chin a bit.

"In light of this information, you will be permitted to visit your son in the hospital for three hours a day, that includes travel time. You are to contact the court when you leave your place of residence and when you arrive at the hospital. You are advised to remain in the custody of your attorney during those times, understood?"

I felt a weight lift from my shoulders and nodded in agreement. It didn't matter what the stipulations were, as long as I got to go see my son. It felt good to be getting what I wanted...and if I had any control over it...so would other people.

I dressed quietly into my now wrinkled sweats and put on my sneakers before heading over to the discharge area. I waited patiently as they sat me down and hoisted up my left ankle.

My mind kept going to the woman that I left behind who hadn't had a hearing and I knew that my privilege is what got me this deal and I would make sure that she got something to.

There was no way I could in good conscience, leave her in there...without any hope.

Everything weighed heavily on me as they strapped on my ankle monitor.

"Okay, Santana, this is an active unit. That means that you have certain places where the unit is approved to go, like the hospital and a one block radius of your home. If you leave those zones at any time, the local police will be notified and you will end up right back here. Got it?"

"Yes, sir."

"The judge has cleared you for hospital visitation throughout the rest of the day but you are to be in your place of residence no later than seven p.m. The monitor will signal the police if you leave your home between seven p.m. and seven a.m. without your consulting the court. Understand?"

"Yes."

"Good. You're free to go."

I almost laughed out loud at the irony of his statement but I thought it was wiser to just smile and nod. I didn't want any enemies.

My kids needed me and so for them and for Britt, I would be on my best behavior. I was really lucky to be able to walk out into the sunlight, people like Enda weren't and it was really starting to bother me.

The moment that I stepped into the hospital room, I heard Isaac singing along in garbled words to Elmo.

"Papa." I whispered as I knelt down next to his crib.

"Mami! Beso. Mami, Mami, Mami!" he called out for me.

I bit hard on my cheek as I fought back the tears that flooded my eyes.

"It's me, Papa." I said as I watched him take a few steps across the crib towards me.

He was growing up so fast.

When he finally made it to the edge of the crib, I checked for any wires and then lifted him up out of the crib and kissed his face. He still smelled like himself and it made my heart melt.

God how I had missed my son.

"Beso." he said as he leaned his head against my shoulder.

I spun him around and landed a million kisses on his chubby cheeks. I had been sitting there with Isaac for a few minutes when the door creaked open.

"Santana?"

I turned my head towards the door and was greeted by Isaac's doctor.

"Oh hi!" I said quietly, since Isaac had fallen to sleep on my chest.

"How are you?"

"C-Could be better. You?"

"Good...can I talk to you?"

"Of course!"

"The tests came back and he's made a full recovery. Keep him away from dairy products, get a humidifier for his room to combat the dry air and remember to keep those stuffed monsters clean."

"Okay."

"Other than that...he's pretty much free to go, if you wanted to take him home today."

"Really?" I said excitedly.

"Yes. I have the papers here."

He handed me his clipboard and I could feel my cheeks flooding with tears.

This was better than Christmas.

Even then as I was filling out the paperwork, I thought about Enda and how she wasn't seeing her little girl and here I was able to swoop into the hospital and take my little boy home.

I had to do something about this.

I was on edge as I held Isaac tight to my chest in the backseat of Mami's car. I didn't have a car seat for him, so I was insanely anxious the whole ride back to the house.

"Did you c-call Britt?" I asked Mami as we made our way the ten blocks home.

"No...I wasn't sure if they were going to release you, she had the bone marrow procedure this morning, and I know she's supposed to be resting. I didn't want to bother her if they ended up keeping you."

"Oh."

"She's definitely home though."

"Yea?" I asked hopefully.

"Yes."

Sure enough, as we stepped into the house, I heard the tv on cartoons and smiled when I saw B, eyes closed as she napped on the couch.

I handed Isaac to Mami and then walked over and pressed my lips against her face.

She startled awake. "Ana?" Britt sounded breathless as she looked up at me.

I smiled really wide and then kissed her again.

"Hi B. We're home."

"We?" she said as she hesitated.

"Yea."

Britt's face beamed as Mami came over with Isaac. She attempted to sit up but flinched, so I pressed my hand against her chest to keep her stationary as Mami put Isaac in my arms.

"Mama." He said and then leaned on her chest. She hugged him and kissed him over and over again tears in her eyes.

"I'm so happy that you are home, Ana."

"Me too, B."

"Did they give you one of those ankle things?"

I lifted my pant leg and wiggled my foot.

"Yep."

"Wow. It's not a camera is it?" she wiggled her eyebrows.

"No...we are not d-doing another sex tape...no." I chuckled.

"And that's my cue to leave you two alone. Now that your guest room is open, I'll be staying here tonight. Okay?"

"S-Sure, Mami."

"Do you need help getting upstairs or anything?" She asked B.

"Nope, we have that swanky chair lift that I've been dying to try. There's fresh pajamas in there and towels. The baby is upstairs with Q...I think we are gonna raid the fridge and have dinner upstairs if you get lonely." Britt said to her, rubbing her eyes.

"Thanks for the invite...I might steal those munchkins at some point to let you two have time. I'll come up in a little while."

"Thanks, Mami." She kissed all of our faces before heading into the guest room.

Britt held her arm out for me, like she did on the plane and I rested against her chest with our son.

Right then, as I enjoyed her embrace and enjoyed being home, right where I belonged, I knew that I was a changed person.

Lawyer or not...I'd make sure that this feeling became a reality for people who couldn't afford to do it on their own.

I knew I wasn't completely out of the woods, but at least I was able to see the way out.