Chapter 44: The Sun Will Rise (Kelly Clarkson)
Quinn's POV
Britt is so hesitant about leaving and I know that if Santana had her way, she'd keep her home but then she'd lose her job. As someone who has really never worked a day in her life, escorting does not count, I knew that she didn't really understand the pressure her wife was under.
This was Britt's career and it kept her level, to have a routine.
And right then, with all of her emotional needs, Ana was standing in the way of that.
So it had to be me, I urged Britt out the door with the promise that her wife would be in great hands and I meant it.
Once the door was closed, Ana turned and went straight towards the garage.
"If you do it, you'll have to stop breastfeeding again." I said to her back and she just lingered there in the doorway, her back to me.
"Worth it." She muttered and then stepped foot back out into the garage.
I had thought for her...I knew that once Britt was gone, she'd test her boundaries but she had forgotten who I was.
When she had been breaking down with B, I had been preparing for this moment.
So when she went to open the car door, she found it locked.
And she tried to engage her fingerprint but I had erased it.
She turned towards me, all wild eyed and frantic.
"No." I said.
"Please?" She whimpered.
I once was and would always be her captain.
And I once was and would always be a bully.
She needed someone to take the reigns and come down on her like Marco...and Britt couldn't do that. It crossed a line that she was too afraid to come back from but I wasn't.
I surged forward and shoved her back against the door, her nostrils flared and she lifted her hands to shove me but I gripped her wrists.
"I will put you down, Santana. I know what you need...I know you want that lack of thinking, lack of control...you want darkness and she can't give it to you."
"I'm n-not fucking you." She growled.
"Good...that's not what I had in mind. Remember all those years ago when you were trying to get Marco out of your system?"
"Wh-What did you...what are you th-thinking?"
"I can spank you?" I knew it was crossing a line that used to not matter before marriage and me dating her sister.
"Y-You'd do that for me?"
"If it would help...then yes."
I pulled a chair from the kitchen island and sat on it. Then I patted my leg and she looked at me like I was crazy.
We'd only done this a few times before, when she felt too tired to exist but needed to atone.
"Come on. Just between us...I know you need it."
She bit her lip and then took a deep breath.
This was what I should have done so many times in the last year but it was too close to what she'd endured that summer.
Now though, with her removed from it and trying to go back to drugs...and Britt out of the house...I could do this for her.
"How much do you need?" I asked as I rubbed her back, her body dangling over my legs.
"E-Enough to make me sl-sleep...and f-forget."
With that settled, I pulled down her sweatpants and began to wallop her ass.
She was quiet at first and then, that changed.
Her body shuddered and then she began to shake.
"How are you?"
"M-More." She squeaked and so I continued until her sobs came.
"And now?"
"M-More." She whimpered.
My phone buzzed on the table and I rubbed at her ass, while I checked it.
Just got off the train. See you soon.-C
"How are you, San? Your sister is going to be here soon."
"T-Ten more...hard...please?"
My hand ached as I went at her ten more times and then she slid off my lap.
"Okay?" I asked when she was looking at me, her face red and her eyes shining.
"Bet-tween us?"
"I promise."
"Okay. G-Gonna lay down."
"Good girl." She pressed a chaste kiss to my lips and then we headed out to the living room.
As her door closed upstairs, in came Celia a wicked smile on her face.
"Up for a quickie?"
"You know it."
Ari's POV
I laid flat on my back trying to catch my breath. My chest was expanding and contracting faster than it ever had before.
The only music that I could hear was my heart beating steadily in my ears. I couldn't move my body or my mind past the point I was stuck in.
As if being propelled to move, I was on my feet and leaping forward with enough force to collapse a building. My arms flew wildly around me as I contorted my body.
The sweat and tears that it took to move through this moment was worth it. My toes ached in my shoes as I stood firmly on them and spun vigorously. One wrong move and my ankle would snap like a twig but moving from ballet to hip hop was my favorite thing to do.
I twirled, I bent, and I shimmied until I was face to face with her.
Our faces came together and then just before our lips touched she lifted me into the air by my waist, spun me around like a superhero and then I went hurtling through the air.
The adrenaline coursed through my veins as I went crashing towards the floor and then as the floor almost reached my face, breaking my bones completely, I was captured by two sets of hands and was set back on my feet.
I was alone again as I did a leaping run down into a split and then as the performance ended, I tilted over and crumpled into and against the two bodies surrounding me, pulling me piece by piece apart.
It'd been a week since my transplant and I was feeling depressed, hopeless, and anxious despite the doctors telling me that I was healing faster than ever before since Britt was my perfect match.
"Are you really sure that you want to pull out?" I sat in Brittany's office watching her serious face make another appearance.
"Look, Britt, dancing with you and Tony was amazing. This show is going to take Broadway by storm but I just don't think I'm in the headspace right now. Especially not with Moncho hanging himself last night." I said as I fought the tears that were threatening to spill out onto my cheeks.
"What?" she slammed her hands down onto the desk and looked at me with a mixture of disbelief and happiness. "Are you kidding me right now?"
"No. They found him this morning. He's already set to be cremated tonight." She was completely distracted now and with everything on my mind, I just couldn't deal with being overshadowed by my cousin's selfish act. "Look...I just can't do this role, plain and simple, it's like the moment I get happy the stuff spirals out of control."
"No! You are going to beat this Ari...I know it! Where is your faith?"
"You are questioning my faith now? Really? That's not going to make me want to stay on in this role!"
"Then what will? Do I need to drag Ana in here so you can share one of those way too intimate moments?"
"Britt...I...she picked you."
"I know that, I'm secure in her picking me over and over again. That's not what I'm saying."
My palms were sweaty and I felt like I would fall over any second from exhaustion. My tongue felt thick and solid in my mouth. I had pushed myself with the dancing and now I would pay for it.
I still had three weeks of healing to do but had insisted on not staying in the hospital to do it and now I was feeling faint.
Great.
"Are you okay?" she had noticed my discomfort.
Suddenly I remembered how Anita had told me that Brittany was very observant when it came to people. I nodded and closed my eyes to try and block out some of the tension in my head and shoulders.
I don't remember anything after that.
Brittany's POV
I think I saw it coming but I had been so wrapped up in the news of Marco's death that I had ignored Ari's clear distress.
Now with her slumped over onto my desk, I had to think fast and when it came to taking care of someone that was in this state, frankly I was a pro. Ana had passed out on me more times than I like to think about back when she was drinking heavily and getting high.
I scooped up Ari into my arms and rushed out of my office and into the hall.
"Tony!" I yelled while kicking my partner's door.
"What the hell?" He yelled as he opened up the door. When he saw that I was holding Ari's limp body, he froze and held his arms out in a panic before slapping a hand over his mouth and pointing. "Did you kill her?"
"No...she passed out...can you help?" I begged. Tony had been an EMT while trying to hit it big on Broadway so I figured that he could definitely handle this.
"Lay her down on the sofa."
I paced back and forth in Tony's office so much that he kicked me out into the hallway but he was still kind enough to leave the door open so that I wasn't completely cut off from what was happening.
I kept peeking inside but she still looked the same, I anxiously began biting my nails as I continued to pace.
This was so not good!
My phone buzzed, scaring me and causing me to crash into a shoe in the hallway. I caught myself just as I was about slam my face into the brick wall as I picked up the call.
"Shit." I muttered as I answered.
"Br-Britt Britt?" Ana said softly. Sounding a little thrown off after the way that I answered.
"Oh...hey baby. Are you okay?"
"Um...I just...I...when are you coming home."
I could tell that she had gotten herself worked up and was trying to speak normally but was failing miserably.
"Is everything okay?"
"J-Just come home soon...okay?"
"Yea...I'll text when I'm on my way."
"Um...okay."
"I love you Ana."
"I love you too."
"Lis-" she hung up in my ear before I could get out my sentence.
I didn't like the way that she sounded and I didn't like the way that the amazing moment that we had earlier on the stairs...seemed to be completely gone now.
I wanted nothing more than to go home but Ana would kill me if she knew that I left Ari like this.
So I stayed.
"Brittany?" Tony called me and I nearly collided with the wall again as I tried to make it into his office.
"Is everyth-" I stopped mid sentence when I saw that Ari was awake and had a hand pressed to her forehead.
She was alive and awake...Great!
That was good.
"She was dehydrated. She admitted that she should really be in the hospital this month but she left against medical advice." he said as he handed her a bottle of orange juice.
"I'm sorry." she whispered before gulping down a huge sip of the juice.
"Why don't you come home with me, stay for the rest of the month instead of at Marco's old place. Get some food in you and maybe you can spend some time with Ana? She's in need of a friend?" I said.
I was hoping that there was still a chance that I could convince her to stay apart of the show.
Ana could probably do it.
Fingers crossed!
"No...I don't want Anita involved."
"Well tell me what I can do to help then." I said pleadingly.
"Just t-take me to the hospital." she said straight faced and angry.
"Seriously, you'd rather go back there instead of staying with Ana...she's like your family."
"I don't have a family anymore, just...please take me back." She was crying now, which I had never seen her do and it reminded me a lot of Daniela's crying face. Then I remembered that they were related.
And then I thought of Marco and my mind began to think of how bad Ana was going to take this.
Even though he'd hurt her.
She'd often said he was a psycho but he was HER psycho.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked." Ari looked so defeated as she slowly picked up her purse from the floor and then stood back up. "I can make it there on my own."
"No. I'll take you. I just...can't believe the news about Marco."
As I was changing, my phone rang again and it was Ana. It was nearing early evening now and I usually was on my way home but now I wasn't going to be.
It was so unusual for her to call me but I knew she'd had a rough morning and by the time the day was over it'd be worse.
"Hey B...are you on your way?"
Ana sounded happier than when I had talked to her that morning, like her mood had been reset, which was why I felt shitty about what I was about to do.
"Actually Ana...I'm gonna be late. I have a work errand to run. I can bring home dinner though...maybe hot dogs? How's that sound?"
"Okay...I g-guess."
"Great. See you in a bit...ok? Kiss the babies for me. I love you."
I immediately heard the change in her voice. She sounded hurt but I then she just chuckled into the phone trying to mask her disappointment.
"Oh okay. Call me when you're on your way. Be safe. I love you too."
Once again she hung up before I could respond.
I had messed up by not going home.
She needed me or she wouldn't have called me.
Ana never called me when she knew that I was working but now it was too late. If I showed up now it wouldn't be to an Ana that was happy to see me.
Instead of a happy wife, I would go home to her being angry about fucking with her emotions and that wasn't something I could deal with twice in one day.
Now I was just hoping that I could be back home before her mood got too bad. Once I explained that this was about Ari getting better, I knew she'd understand because it meant that I was doing my best to continue saving Ari's life.
Quinn's POV
My breathing was labored as I rested my face against her neck.
"That was...wow, Luce, I don't think I've ever seen you that wild."
"I just needed that...I get extra horny when I'm ovulating." I whispered.
"Is that it?"
"Mmmhmm."
"Britt should be home soon, want to come over tonight. I'll make you dinner?" She asked, kissing my face before straightening out her clothes. I rested back against the bathroom wall and watched her wash her hands and brush her damp fingers through her short curls.
"We'll see. I promised to be here for San and B today, she might need me tonight too...she's not doing so well since she's been back, if you're concerned."
"Are you saying that so I can go pester my sister?"
"No. I'm just letting you know...because you just lost a sister and you guys all talked about being around for her but she's been out all week and this is the first time I'm seeing you."
"Well if she'd come to family dinner yesterday she would have had support." Celia said getting all indignant.
I plucked her forehead.
"She's on house arrest."
"Right. I forgot...look we are all under stress. Mari has a newborn and Sandra is getting used to being a mom of three."
"Yes, they have valid excuses but what about you? Other than that gallery you have no other obligations. You could really be helping her. Why haven't you?"
"Because I can't drop my life for her like you have. What's this really about, Luce? Afraid to leave your precious, Santana?"
"A little bit, yeah. I don't want to be all the way in Brooklyn if something goes south. I have been more of a sister to her than any of you and if I leave..."
"Wow. The truth comes out. Look stay here then, if you want. I know I come second to her in your eyes."
"Oh come on! You are self sufficient. She is not."
"It's about time that people held her accountable for her own shit. She's a junkie because she chooses to be...she is in legal trouble because of conscious decisions she made and she's a teenage mom because she chose to spread her legs!" She snapped and it hit me so low.
And then she heard herself, saying that teen mom comment and her eyes got wide and I knew she'd try to walk it back if I let her...but I wouldn't.
"Get the fuck out. I need some space, there's a chance I could be getting custody of Beth back and I can't have toxic shit like that coming from the woman that professes to love me, the original teen mom."
"Luce...Q...I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."
"But you did. You need to leave, Celia."
I stormed out of the bathroom and there watching me, was Santana, perched on the couch with tears in her eyes, looking mutinous, as she nursed the baby.
Had she heard that?
Fuck.
Celia didn't even try to fake it with San, instead she just nodded at her before storming out of the house.
When I turned to look at San, she was putting the baby in the swing and then she turned on Elmo for Izzy who was in his playpen watching us both.
She'd definitely been busy in the few hours that I had been off fucking her sister.
Izzy was bathed and in his pajamas and Dani looked milk drunk
"K-Kitchen." She said and then got up and walked away.
I gave a glance to the kids, both distracted by Elmo before following her into the kitchen.
"About all that...I'm sorry." I said but she was just standing there staring me down.
"I need a f-favor." She said, ignoring my words.
"Okay...what's up?"
"Watch the kids while I g-go to a meeting."
"By yourself?"
"I d-don't want them there. I tried to g-get B to come home e-early but she's busy."
"I can probably catch Ceily before she gets too far."
"No. S-She made how she feels clear. The meeting is in few m-minutes...please?"
"We both know that Britt insisted I be here for you."
"To babysit me. I know."
"What kind of babysitter would I be if I let you wander."
She lifted her pant leg and wiggled her foot.
"How far c-could I go?"
"You'll come right back. Promise me?"
"I promise."
Santana's POV
By the time that I got back to the house from my meeting it was nearly dark outside. Everything felt so light, now that I had released the tears that I had been holding in after my time in the kitchen with Q that morning.
When she offered to spank me, I was leery about it because, hello I'm married and Britt would not take kindly to it but at that moment, when I felt so unhinged...that spanking had sent me to bed instead of out to find coke.
And it also kept me level while I took care of the kids, feeding them lunch and reading to them all while Quinn and my sister fucked loudly in my guest room for three hours.
It was getting late and my tremors were back, I had called Britt twice and she blew me off both times. She should have been home by 4 but as it neared 5, there was no sign of her. That's what made me call the second time...all I wanted was to go to a meeting at 5pm. Then I remembered that my sister was at the house and surely, she'd watch my kids while Q went down to the meeting with me.
Or even the reverse, it would have been nice for my sister to go to the meeting with me but then after getting the kids bathed and fed...I heard them arguing.
Had Quinn stopped her life for me?
Did my sister really think that I wanted to go through all the things that I had suffered?
I looked at my kids and still wanted cocaine.
My body began to shake so I shoved my nipple in the baby's mouth to keep myself still but she was just latched without eating.
Instead she fell asleep holding my boob.
When Celia left, I felt like I was going to fall to pieces but then I saw the clock, the meeting started in five minutes.
No Britt.
No help other than my best friend who had crossed a line for me that morning...my ass still ached, reminding me that she'd do it again if I asked.
And I wanted to ask but it was nearing Britt's time coming home and if she walked in on my bare ass being spanked by Q, she wouldn't understand.
So when we got in the kitchen, instead of asking for a repeat, I asked for something else and then I made a promise that I knew I needed to keep.
But then I got home ten minutes early to my dark house, the third floor was lit up and I could hear Isaac running around up there when I made it to the second floor.
I stood at my bedroom window and looked for Britt.
No sign of her.
So, I went back downstairs and out of the door.
I bought what I needed in the span of five seconds and then went back home.
Still no Britt but Quinn was coming down the steps, it occured to me then that in her eyes, I was coming home right on time.
I stood outside my bedroom door and waited for her to pass, my son half asleep in her arms.
"He ate and had a treatment, I'm going to put him to bed. Where's B?"
B, where are you?-Ana
Hey, at the hospital getting a check up. I should be home in an hour.-B
I threw my phone in frustration but it just bounced and landed by the door. The case had saved it from shattering.
At 6pm, I was in bed with no interest in doing anything but sleeping.
My problem was that I couldn't actually sleep because I was stuck with these open eyes and this mind that just wouldn't stop running in circles.
Something was wrong.
Something had happened that I wasn't quite sure of.
I had nearly gone back to drugs earlier in the day and even with me teetering on edge, both Quinn and Britt still left me alone.
My greatest fear in the whole world was being left alone.
No matter how surrounded I was, I consistently found myself stuck between what I wanted and what I needed. Quinn had at least tried and the spanking had done it's job right until my sister shot down my hopes with her honest thoughts of me.
I wanted to make the dark feelings go away.
I laid in bed, staring at the ceiling when I felt her presence.
Quinn was standing there looking down at me with pity and I hated it.
"Why are you just laying there like that?"
I didn't answer Q, I just rolled onto my side and faced the window.
"Okay. So you don't have to answer...that's fine but please don't turn your back on me."
She whispered as she climbed into the bed with me, our faces so close we were nearly kissing. She ran her hand over my sore ass and squeezed with a smirk.
"Still helping?"
"A little." I whimpered.
"We are going to get through this San. I have faith that things will get better for you."
"Wh-What if that doesn't happen?" I whispered as we laid nose to nose.
She pressed a hand to the side of my face and wiped away the tears that were leaking there.
"Sweetie...you can't think like this." she said. I looked into her eyes which were intensely gray today and tried to smile. "Don't fake what you don't feel. It will only cause you heartache."
"I don't know Q...I feel weak." I admitted in a low voice.
I could feel her minty breath dance across my face as we laid there looking into each other's eyes.
"San...honey, I think that you are stronger than you think. I think that nobody can bring you down and hurt you more than you have hurt yourself."
"I just feel so powerless and a-alone."
"You are so not alone, babe. You have both love and support."
"But that didn't stop me last time...did it?"
She looked in my eyes and tried to read the emotions that were there. I had my walls completely open to her in that moment. She leaned in and did for me what I had done for Ari when words just weren't enough. She leaned in and kissed my lips...except this wasn't a peck. This was one of those long and urgent kisses that I had been trying to give Britt before she left.
Something stirred in my stomach and tried to claw its way out as she deepened the kiss. I couldn't stop myself. I threw my leg over her waist and pulled her in closer as she held my face and sucked on my bottom lip.
What was I doing?
Why couldn't I stop myself?
Quinn's POV
Shit. Shit. Shit!
That was not supposed to happen.
I was NOT supposed to get sucked in.
This was supremely bad.
I was on top of her with my hand shoved in her sweatpants and her hair gripped in my fist as I slowly teased her clit. She looked at me with those big brown eyes, so different from Celia's. I watched as she bit her bottom lip, trying not to moan. We were silent because we both knew that once we made a noise that this would become real.
She gave in first, grabbing me by the neck and pulling me down until our lips were crashing together again.
"Harder." she whispered in the softest voice that I had ever heard.
"Like this?" I lined my knee up behind my hand and used it for leverage.
I watched the fire reignite in her eyes.
The tears had dried up.
It was like watching her rediscover a part of herself that she had long since lost.
This wasn't what I was supposed to be seeing.
I was robbing Britt of this connection.
I was taking Ian's place as the comfort in San's life and breaking everything we had built to keep us from doing this...going here.
We were wrong but the urge to finish was stronger than our minds.
This was all sensation and emotion with no logic behind it.
We were stupid.
"Oh God...San!" We should have stopped after I made her cum but we didn't.
Instead of stopping and escaping to my room, I let her crawl between my legs. Her mouth was on me and I didn't want to stop. Instead, I scratched my fingers against her scalp as I resisted screaming her name by burying my face into a pillow that smelled like Brittany.
That should have gotten me to stop.
But I didn't.
I just layed there urging her own as she nibbled on my clit and shoved her fingers inside of me...three in front...one in back...just how I liked it. Something that not even Celia knew. I was too embarrassed to share that bit of kinkiness that Puck had introduced me to.
"I'm cu...Ah...fuck! Santana!"
I came in shuddering gasps and immediately was washed with guilt when I realized that we were still in the dark room and we hadn't been caught.
As crazy as it is...it's what I would have preferred, it's better than trying to keep a secret like that from someone like Brittany.
We shouldn't have done it. I should of climbed out of that bed when she got me off but I didn't.
Instead...we rolled around for a little bit longer wrapped up in an intensely hot make out session. It was Dani that finally stopped us. Her hungry whine began and we pulled apart.
With Dani, it was like a warning, if we were going to get cleaned up...we had about twenty minutes before she started wailing and woke up Izzy. So, we climbed from the bed and threw open the windows. We didn't even look at each other as we moved in tandem to get the room back how it should have been.
Which meant, changing the sheets and making sure to locate every single article of clothing.
After the room looked decent and I had shoved the sheets and some towels into the washer we parted ways without a single word.
Thankfully, we showered separately because who knows what would have happened if we had been in there together.
I was up in my room, freshly showered and blow dried when Celia came into the room loaded down with boxes. I had heard her footsteps and had quickly thrown books and papers all over the bed so it looked like I had been studying.
"Hey Luce...I thought about what you said, I'm going to do better. Please say you'll still move in."
That lackluster apology normally would have made me snap at her but after what I had just done, I couldn't deny her a thing.
Moving out was what was best for all of us.
"Okay...want to help me figure out what to pack?"
I glanced out the window, looking for B but there was still no sign of her.
So much of me wanted to just pack my overnight bag and leave before she got home but I couldn't leave Ana in this house alone with the kids.
Not with the way she's been all day.
I was filled with anxiety and Celia must have sensed it, assuming that it was something elses entirely.
"You aren't changing your mind right because I mean it, I'll get my sisters together and make sure Sunday dinner is here next time." She said as she made her way back towards the door.
"No, C...I definitely still want to move in with you...I think Britt and San could use their own space." I said as I continued to stare down at the street.
Celia had her arms around me and was kissing my neck.
"Is that a new body wash?" I let out a dry laugh. It was San's body wash, I had taken a shower downstairs while she breastfed the baby but I just shrugged and turned in her arms.
"I love you. I need you to know that, no matter what." I said to her and then kissed her lips hard. Wanting to savor this moment just in case the shit hit the fan.
Not only would I Britt and San, if anyone found out but I'd lose Ceily and probably my scholarship to school. I had way too much at stake to do something so monumentally stupid.
"I love you too, Luce."
"Good."
"I brought food, why don't we go downstairs and eat, before I help you pack?" she said as she made her way out of the room.
"Yea...okay." I felt like shit but I had to be nonchalant about this.
I was the weak link...San could take this to the grave and from the look on her face earlier, I could tell that she clearly planned to.
Hopefully, I didn't fuck it up.
It was just meaningless sex after all...right?
"No...no...no!" I heard San screaming in her bedroom as we came down the stairs and then there were crashing noises. I looked at Ceily in a panic because now she could see what I had meant, her sister wasn't in a good place.
Leaving her was always a risk.
There was more smashing and then Ceily sprung into action and tried to open the door.
It was locked.
"Ana open the door!"
"Go away!" she screamed. We jumped back when we heard something smash against the door.
"What's going on?" I heard Britt's voice from behind me and felt my whole body freeze up.
"I'm going to check on the kids." I muttered not bothering to turn around, instead I just turned and walked straight to the nursery.
Celia was explaining things to Britt and then they both began to try and coax San out of the room.
When I walked into the nursery, I was relieved to see that both the kids were still sound asleep in their cribs.
If Dani had been in the room with Ana, this would have been really bad.
I kissed both Izzy and Dani and then shut the nursery door so that they didn't hear their Mami losing it.
Ari's POV
I had been sitting in my dorm room after saying goodbye to Brittany, who insisted on bringing me back when the hospital told me that I could recuperate at home.
Britt had gone out and got me food, changed my sheets and made sure I was settled before she left.
And then as I was beginning to fall asleep, Anita called me.
She was a wreck and I felt so heartbroken as I listened to her just sob into the phone mumbling that she was sorry.
"This shouldn't have happened." she groaned into the phone. "St-Stupid. St-Stupid."
"Anita, honey, talk to me." I sighed.
"I...I...I fuck! Fuck. Fuck. How c-could this happen again?"
Then I remembered that Ian had killed himself too and I figured that this breakdown was about Moncho.
"You're right...it shouldn't have...but it did." I mumbled hoping to get her to see logic. She sobbed harder and began to hiccup. "Anita...honey calm down...it's going to be okay!" I tried to sound happy but with her crying so hard, I couldn't even begin to fake it. "Things will probably change in your favor now, right?"
"H-How could they? How?"
I laid down under my covers and listened to her broken sobs, trying my best to comfort her.
But then she was blaming herself.
"This is all my fault! This happened because I am such a fuck up!" she yelled.
"No...Moncho is dead because he is a fucking loser...he fucked up. Not you."
"What?" she screeched.
"Wait...you're not talking about Moncho killing himself today?" I said slowly.
"No...no...no!"
The phone line cut after that. I tried calling back but the line was busy. I knew that Britt should have been home at that point so I called her.
No answer.
So I then I called Quinn.
She picked up on the first ring.
"Ari...this isn't such a good time." she said, as I heard screaming in the background.
"Is that Anita? Oh God...this is so bad!" I slapped my palm to my forehead where a headache was forming and tried to wish this away.
"How did you know?" Quinn sounded anxious.
"She called me...crying...talking about it being all her fault...that it shouldn't have happened."
"Oh God." Quinn muttered. "Fuck."
"I thought...that she was talking about Marco."
"What? Why? No...why would she?"
"He killed himself this morning...I was trying to-"
"He what?" she yelled in my ear and I held the phone abruptly from my face.
"He hung himself. I didn't mean to tell her. I didn't think she would be this upset about it."
"I'm going to call you back."
The call dropped and I was left sitting there in the dark, wondering what the hell was happening.
Why was Anita so angry?
Why was Quinn so nervous?
Something wasn't adding up and I was going to find out what it was.
Screw getting rest...I needed to see Anita for myself!
It was shaping up to be an icy and cold night as I set out to walk to Anita's house.
Britt had been right about me staying at the house and how me being there would probably help so hoping that the invitation was still open, I had packed a bag and was now walking slowly to the corner to hail a cab. It had been my intention to walk but my exhaustion quickly took a tight hold on me.
The cab driver was listening to some old school reggae and it made me think of when Ana and I were kids. We had both just gotten our periods and were developing asses. We were watching music videos trying to imitate the booty shakers on the television.
I remember dancing circles around Anita and nailing every single move while she just focused on twirling her hips seductively like one of the backup dancers. No matter how well, I nailed the dance steps, she oozed that sexuality. I had been gawking at her when her Abuela walked into the room and turned the videos off and yelled at us about the devil's music.
That was the first day that I realized that I was gay...watching her happily dancing in her own little world, even after her Abuela stopped the music.
Anita had always been that way, caught in her own world...something that she ended up needing, more and more with Marco barging in her life. Then the drug habit taught her what being lost in her own mind really was and even though she was still clean, her mind had never really let her go. She was present just like always but that piece of her...
The happy part of her was so fickle.
She had become afraid of happiness because it never stayed around.
And now she was breaking completely apart.
The cab pulled up outside the house which was brightly lit and I handed him some random bit of money before climbing out. He sped off happily and even though I was certain that I had over paid him I wasn't really concerned about it.
He had saved me from passing out on the sidewalk so he could take it and run for all I cared.
"No!" I froze, I could hear her clearly and that's when I noticed that her bedroom windows were open. If she had been screaming like that since before I called then the whole neighborhood had probably heard it.
I headed straight for the front door and was easily able to stroll into the house. I locked the door behind me because I'm sure that no realized that it was open.
"Open the door...please...this is your last chance Ana or I'm breaking it down!" that was Britt being stern.
That wasn't what Anita needed.
"Fuck...Santana...open this door!" that sounded like one of her sisters, probably Celia. I expected to hear Quinn next but there was not a sound from her.
Strange.
I was willing to bet money that whatever had originally set Anita off had to do with Quinn.
When I got to the top of the stairs, Britt and Celia were working on picking the lock while Quinn stood there against the wall looking like a guilty ten year old.
Something had definitely happened.
"Let me help?" I said quietly.
Britt stood to her feet and stepped away.
"She's blocking the door with something." Celia said with an eye roll.
"I can get her out...why don't you guys go get dinner started...I'll get her out okay."
Celia was about to argue but Quinn quickly agreed and pulled Celia down the steps.
She was incredibly obvious if you were paying attention and when I turned to look at Britt, I could tell that she was definitely paying attention.
She had sad eyes and was biting her lips really hard.
"You see it too...right?" she said with a bit of ice in her voice.
I felt caught in her glare.
"What do you mean?"
She shrugged and sighed heavily.
"Look...can you really get her to open the door?" she ran her hands through her hair and then dropped her arms lifelessly to her sides.
"Yes."
"Great...I'll be downstairs getting the table ready."
"Okay."
She got to the top of the steps and turned and looked at me as I was about to stand next to the door.
"And don't go sleeping with her to get her to calm down."
I felt like she had slapped me in the face. I pressed a hand to my racing chest.
"I would never do that." I said honestly.
"Yea...well things happen." she said before turning and heading down the stairs.
Wow.
Could that be it?
If so then I would lock myself away too.
It was going to be a long night!
I pressed my face to the wood and knocked just once.
"Anita...they're gone...let me in. Okay?" I said softly as I waited. I wasn't going to knock again and she knew it. I just stood there waiting to see if she would let me in.
It took about two whole minutes for me to know what was happening.
There was shuffling and then I heard the clinking of broken glass being moved around.
"Hold on." I heard her whisper. If I hadn't had my ear pressed to the door, I would never had heard it.
Then after a few more minutes the door cracked open just slightly and from the way she was peeking out, I could tell that she was blocking the door with her body. She looked at me with bloodshot eyes and a wild look on her face.
"Can I come in?" I asked holding my hands out so she could see that I didn't want to harm her.
She stepped back just a fraction and I used that little bit of space to squeeze my body through the little slot. Before I could turn around, the door slammed behind me. I watched as she shoved a huge trunk back against the door and then locked it.
She was completely naked and from what I could see, she was bleeding from her feet and long scratches on her thighs. She sat on top of the trunk and folded her hands on top of her lap. Her head hung low as she sat there staring at the stripped mattress with anger in her eyes.
I didn't say a word but I noticed that her lips were slightly blue tinged and her whole body was rocking back and forth. That's when I remembered that I had heard her from the sidewalk. I went to her windows and slammed them down and locked them. She didn't move from where she was as I dug my phone out of my pocket.
Britt...I'm in. She's not in a good place.-Ari
I shoved the phone back in my pocket and then handed her my rosary. She looked at it and then at me.
"Thank you."
"Pray, sweets." I said and then rubbed her knees before I walked into the closet and found some sheets for her bed. When I walked back into the room, she still hadn't moved but at least now she was praying, rolling the beads between her fingers.
I made her bed quietly as she mumbled to herself.
Things happened all at once after that.
I had been grabbing her some pajamas out of the closet when the door started to vibrate with hard forceful knocks. Britt was yelling angrily as she slammed her hand against the door and now both Izzy and Daniela were screaming. In the closet it sounded loud but when I walked into the bedroom, it was ten times as louder.
She wasn't where I had left her.
I looked towards the floor and saw that the glass had been stepped in because I bloody footprints were there now. I followed them to the bathroom and pushed open the door. I stood there in shock as I watched her creating lines of power on the sink top.
That's when I paid attention to what it was that Britt was saying exactly.
"Don't do it baby please! Ana...don't!" Britt was screaming now and the babies crying seemed even closer.
I stood there next to her as she hunched over the top of the sink with shaking hands and prepared to end her sobriety.
"Anita..." I said softly as I finally laid a hand on her spine.
Her skin was ice cold but she didn't flinch when I touched her.
"You sh-should go." Her voice was deeper as she spoke to me without looking away from those lines.
"No. I won't leave you like this."
"Please?"
"No, Anita. Just...think about what will happen when you do this." I said as wrapped my hand around her arm and pulled.
She didn't budge.
"Fine...watch then." With that she put her face to the sink and snorted the first line like a pro.
And just like that I felt my heart break in a million pieces.
"Stop. Please?" I felt the tears on my face as I begged her to stop but she quickly finished off the four lines that were there.
She had done it.
My phone vibrated but I didn't answer.
I needed to do something now.
Anything.
But what?
Brittany's POV
I knew the moment that I saw Quinn that something had gone too far between them.
Now this was happening.
Why couldn't Ana trust that I would forgive her?
It didn't have to happen like this. I had followed Quinn and Celia downstairs just to confirm my suspicion.
Ana would never crack but Quinn was too easy!
I walked into the kitchen and immediately her whole body tensed up and she kept looking at Celia and then at me.
After basically confirming that my wife had slept with Quinn, I just couldn't handle being in the same room with her so I decided that I would go for a drive instead.
I needed to cool off and since the kids were asleep for the night, I knew that it would be fine because as much as I didn't really trust Quinn or Ana, I did trust Ari.
So I walked into the garage and saw that the passenger side door was open. I thought nothing of it and closed it before walking around and climbing in the driver seat.
I had forgotten my keys inside and so I leaned over to get the spare out of the glove box when I saw that the bag of cocaine was missing and that's when I realized what Ana was about to do.
After making that discovery, I ran as fast as I could back into the house and up the stairs because I knew that even with Ari there, she would still attempt to do it.
I couldn't let that happen!
For some reason, I forgot that my kids were right across the hall because I was yelling without abandon and banging on the door like the police but I got no answer. I heard movement and crunching glass but no words.
Fuck.
Ari! I remembered that she wasn't by herself anymore.
So I called Ari, hoping that she would let me talk to Ana but she didn't answer.
Celia and Quinn behind me again with Celia on the phone with one of the sisters and Quinn standing there with tears in her eyes.
I could see that she felt guilty and I didn't care. This just couldn't be happening.
She was on house arrest.
They were going to drug test her randomly and this stayed in your system for days.
Nothing that she did would have let me be so mad to attack her over sleeping with Quinn.
Why didn't she know that?
I slid down against the door and rested my head against it with Izzy in my arms. He had been crying out for his Mami until he cried himself to sleep. His breathing was a little ragged so I was trying to hold him so that his breathing would calm down. Meanwhile, Quinn was feeding Dani and trying to get her to fall back asleep.
I wanted to not be mad at her for this but I couldn't help myself.
This was her fucking fault, at least partially.
I heard the sound of glass being swept up and then I heard Ari's voice mumbling softly.
She was praying.
I could hear the shaking in her voice.
I was insanely anxious.
This was bad.
I should have just come home when she called. I should have seen this coming.
Quinn had just gotten sucked in and now she was keeping a really big secret from Celia and attempting to keep it from me as well.
Except...I knew.
I had just put Izzy down in his crib when I heard the creak of my bedroom door and footsteps. I looked over at Quinn who was still in the glider feeding Dani and then I stepped into the hallway. Celia was talking to someone downstairs, it sounded like Sandra and Damariz were both here. Ana was not going to be happy about that.
What I saw once I was in the hallway made a chill run through me.
Ari was standing there looking at me with wide eyes full of tears and blood smeared on her clothes.
"Did she do it?" I asked with a dry, strangled voice.
"Yea." she said. "She's...passed out on the bed." Ari said as she looked back over her shoulder into the dark room.
"Did she talk to you?"
"No...not really. She snorted the coke and then, she snorted straight from another bag until her nose started bleeding and then she threw up blood."
"Oh God."
"I cleaned her up and then brought her back to the bed. I was going to try and dress her but the moment that she touched the bed she was out cold. I thought...I thought she had died because at first she didn't have...a...a pulse. I know though that the heart can hesitate when you take drugs...hers did but then it started right up again." Ari rambled as she looked up at me.
I wrapped my arms around her and she sobbed against my shoulder.
"Shh...it's okay. Shh...shh. Calm down." I whispered, trying my best to calm her down.
"Where is she?" I froze when I heard Sandra's cold voice.
There was nothing that she could do right now...it would have to wait until she woke up. I let go of Ari and threw myself in front of the open doorway. Sandra was now standing toe to toe with me.
"Sandra...she's passed out cold. You can't be more pissed at her than I am right now...just...please don't make this worse?" I begged.
She looked at me and instead of the ice I expected I saw her concern.
"I'm not interested in the drama, Britt, I just want to be here for my sister...I can't lose another little sister, okay?" I looked in her eyes and saw the truth there and nodded.
"Okay."
I stepped to the side and let her walk inside and then I followed her.
She turned on the lamp and then looked down at Ana.
Her body was completely covered but you could see that there was blood smeared on her face and foam on her lips.
She looked calm but her body was twitching.
"Oh God! Get Mari...Britt go get Mari!" Sandra yelled as she climbed in the bed and wrapped herself around my wife.
"What's wrong?" I panicked.
"She's...overdosing...we need to get her to a hospital. Now."
And that's when the seizure started.
Fuck.
Santana's POV
"Why'd you do it."
"I wanted to be with you Ian."
"You weren't ready yet, Mami."
"It's too hard. Marco left me today."
"He hurt you so bad."
"Because he loved me. All the men in my life...they leave. I know it's only a matter of time before Isaac leaves me too."
"That's crazy talk."
"I keep fucking up. I keep screwing up my life. I just want out."
"Why?"
"The kids and Britt would be better off without me...just like Tor...you said she was better off without you and now she's living with Coach Sue. I hear she's doing good."
"She is. I wish that I was still with you though, Mami."
"Me too."
"These drugs are bad news. You need help."
"I know."
"Please don't do it again."
"I can't promise that. Look how peaceful I am right now."
"Do you think the kids are?"
"They are too young to understand."
"No...they aren't. They know."
"No they don't."
"Yes...Mami they do and you just let them down."
My heart sank.
"Like Papi."
"What?"
"I have become my parents...my father. I'm not better than him and the drinking."
"So do something about it."
"Like what?"
"You already know the answers. You just need to do it."
"You're right."
"Am I?"
"Yea...I was doing so well...and then I buckled under the pressure."
"That's how I died. I buckled."
"I would have helped you."
"Like you let everyone help you?"
"Huh?"
"Everyone wants to help you, Mami and you are just standing in your own way."
"How do I stop?"
"Give in. Stop fighting your own happiness."
"Easier said than done."
"That's because talk is cheap. Actions are priceless."
"I'm scared."
"So am I...because...I left you when I needed to stand by your side. Please don't do that to Britt and the kids."
"It's too much on my shoulders."
"As a kid you were afraid to be alone and now you are never alone. Appreciate what a blessing that is. God answered your prayer."
"He did?"
"Didn't he?"
"He did."
"So what are you going to do to appreciate it?"
"I'm going to live."
"That a girl!"
Quinn's POV
Thank God that Sandra had noticed and Damariz had been prepared.
The hospital would have reported this and a slew of shit would have come raining down on all of us.
San was still passed out as the sun started to rise.
Her sisters and Ari all laid surrounding her in the bed while I sat in the nursery rocking Dani back to sleep after another bottle.
I had been falling asleep when I looked up to see Britt standing above me watching as I fed Dani and I smiled at her but she just shook her head and stared back at the baby.
She had her hands clenched and was trying to not say what she wanted to say.
"I know what happened."
My heart began racing as she spoke those words.
"B...I-" I had no words, so I just looked at her but she wasn't looking at me.
"You can't tell Celia. She won't understand like I do. She'll only make things worse. Ana doesn't need this to be any worse...she needs us to help her. She needs us to fight for her."
I went to speak but she turned on her heels and left the room.
A bright light shone in the room at that moment and I closed my eyes as God filled the room with the beautiful light.
"I'm so sorry Lord." I said quietly.
I had struck a new low and now I felt like San had paid the price for it.
Hopefully, she was going to wake up stronger than ever.
She had to.
She was a Lopez.
And she had always told me that a Lopez doesn't quit.
I looked down at the beautiful baby in my arms and then over at Isaac with his thumb pressed to his lips, for their sake I was hoping that she was right.
They needed her more than she needed that cocaine.
And from now on, with everyone finally seeing the extent of her addiction, hopefully they would fight right along side of her.
This wasn't about what had happened between us.
Britt was right.
This was about Ana and I couldn't stand in her way or distract her.
If she was going to fight...we all needed to be on the same page.
We had to help her fight.