Title: Missing You
Author: SneetchesToo
Rating: Teen
Pairing: Ethan/Rox
Summary: Rox has been missing Ethan something awful. Too bad she doesn't quite know how to tell him just how much.
Author's Note: N/A
—
Rox had felt horrible that she hadn't been by Ethan's side constantly since his accident.
But she just hadn't been able to bring herself to sit there and watch him suffer.
Not that he seemed to care if she was there anyway.
The last time he had been aware of her presence he had written her off. Told her that he doubted that she loved him. That he was surprised that she seemed to care.
Those words leaving his mouth had hurt her terribly.
She never expected him to say something like that. Ever.
It broke her heart in two and she was still trying to get herself together after everything that had happened.
She had stayed by his side until he was fully asleep and then she had retreated downstairs and climbed into her car with tears in her eyes.
She had just turned the key in the ignition when there was a knock on her passenger side window and she let out a sigh when she saw Martin standing next to the door.
"Martin." She rolled the window down quickly and eyed him curiously as he dropped his hands to his sides. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, just wanted to talk to you for a minute." His voice was soft and she could see in his eyes how tired he was.
"Okay." She unlocked the doors and motioned for him to join her inside the vehicle.
She didn't really wanna get out and risk getting roped back into the hospital.
As much as she loved her friends and their unending support of her relationship with Ethan, right now, she just wanted to be alone.
"Is everything okay with Ethan?" She assumed that whatever Martin wanted it had to do with his son.
"Yeah. Well…" He climbed into the seat beside her and offered her a soft look. "Something's off with him and I think you might be the key to fixing that."
"Martin…" She wasn't in the mood for this right now though.
She just wanted to go home and take a shower and curl up in bed.
She had plans to sleep for the next three days.
"Rox, please." He sounded defeated and it made her heart hurt.
She knew that he was struggling with whatever was going on with Ethan.
That it was hurting I'm almost as much as it was hurting her.
"Martin, I don't know what to do okay." She sighed.
She didn't know how to fix this.
She had no clue how to make things right.
She just wished that everyone would stop trying to force some kind of reaction out of her about it all.
"Just please talk to him Rox." Martin was pleading with her and she could tell that it was killing him.
"I…" She let her head fall forward as she let the weight of everything that had happened the past few days weigh on her.
"Please Rox." She caught sight of Martin's eyes and it broke her heart.
The man was breaking too.
Everyone around her was breaking.
And it was all her fault.
—
After her chat with Martin she had watched him go, his long legs carrying him back toward the hospital.
She assumed that he must have returned to Ethan's side since that's where he had been the past few days.
She felt bad that she hadn't been able to do the same.
She had driven home in complete silence, the tears rolling down her cheeks effortlessly.
And when she had gotten home she had showered quickly and climbed into bed without a second thought.
She knew that this wasn't where she belonged. That this wasn't where she should be. But she couldn't convince herself to get up and go to him.
Not now. Not after everything.
She had fallen asleep while the sun was still shining.
When she awoke a few hours later the clock on her nightstand read 12:29am.
She couldn't believe that she had been asleep for almost eight hours.
She had contemplated going back to sleep but then her phone buzzed from it's spot on the bed and she rolled over to check it.
The name that stared back at her sent a shiver down her spine.
Ethan.
She didn't know he had his phone on him.
She didn't know why he was texting her.
But she opened her phone anyway, her eyes reading over the message before she let out a sigh.
I miss you. Was all it said.
Three simple words that sent her heart into a complete tailspin.
He certainly hadn't acted like he missed her earlier.
She tried to come up with what to say in return when it buzzed once more.
I love you. That hasn't changed. And it will never change. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I can't imagine my life without you. These past two weeks have been complete hell and I can't stand it anymore. I know this is all scary for you, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make things better again. I hope you're getting some sleep right now but I would really appreciate it if you would pay me a visit sometime tomorrow. I need to see your beautiful face. She reread the message three times before she realized that she was crying like a baby.
He wanted to fix things.
He wanted to make them right.
And even though she had no idea how to make that happen, she wanted to do the same.
So instead of responding to his messages she pushed herself from the bed and grabbed her phone, heading toward the bathroom to change as quickly as possible.
If he wanted to see her, she would go to him.
Especially now more than ever.
—
Rox had changed quickly and practically run to her car, the tears still falling down her cheeks as she did her best to make it to Angels without causing an accident.
When she arrived she headed straight for Ethan's room, her body never stopping as she tried to get to him as fast as possible.
But when she arrived she was stopped just outside his door by a panicked looking Leanne.
And her entire world came crashing down around her.
"Leanne!" Rox shouted the other woman's name as she turned her attention toward Ethan's room. "What's going on?"
"He..." Leanne was shaking, visibly shaking. And her eyes were full of tears.
Rox felt her heart break in her chest. She couldn't bear it if something happened to Ethan.
She couldn't lose him. Not now.
Not when she just realized just how much he really meant to her.
"What happened?!" She screamed. "What happened to Ethan?"
She watched as the other woman got ready to speak when Campbell exited the room, Ethan's bed being pulled behind him.
"Campbell! What happened?" She screamed once more.
She was begging for someone, anyone to answer her.
She just wanted to know what was wrong.
"Not now Rox!" He screamed back.
She felt like she couldn't breathe.
Her whole body ached.
Her vision was blurry and her hands were shaking.
"What happened?!" She just wanted someone to tell her what was happening. "Please, just tell me what's wrong?"
She watched as they wheeled Ethan down the hallway away from her.
"Leanne..." The other woman turned toward her just as the sound of foot steps echoed behind her.
She held her breath.
She knew it was coming.
"Mom?" Ariel stuttered out. "Mom, what's going on? Is dad okay?"
"Ariel." Leanne turned her attention toward the girl behind her and Rox closed her eyes. "Your dad..."
"Is he okay?" She barely heard the girl's words as she turned herself to face her. "Is. He. Okay?"
Rox wanted to know the answer to her question and she wanted to know it now.
"He's..." Leanne swallowed as she reached for the girl. "He spiked a fever. The incision in his shoulder is infected. They... they're taking him up to surgery."
"Surgery?" Ariel scrubbed her hand over her face as she turned toward Rox. "Why surgery?"
"I don't know." Rox whispered.
"Mom?" The girl stepped into Leanne's open arms as she sniffled.
"They have to clean out the wound." She said softly.
"I wanna go with him." The teen cried. "I wanna be with him. He needs me!"
"Ariel, honey, calm down." Leanne ran a hand down the girl's back as she offered Rox a look.
She could tell that Leanne was begging for help.
That she wanted her to step in.
"You should be with him!" She screamed.
Rox watched as Ariel pushed herself out of Leanne's arms and stepped away from her.
"Why is he alone?!" The tears pouring down the girl's face were breaking her heart in two. "Why aren't you with him?!"
"Ariel..." Leanne reached for her once again but Ariel shoved her off.
"No!" She shouted. "Someone should be with him!" She turned her attention toward Rox this time and she felt hopeless. "Please Rox. Someone should be with him."
Rox let out a sigh as she closed her eyes.
"I can't honey." She whispered. "I don't have the privileges."
"Mom..." She watched as Leanne's shoulders slumped forward and she sighed. "Please!"
"I'll go." Leanne turned toward Rox with a saddened look. "Can you stay with her?"
Rod nodded her head softly.
"Of course." She whispered. "Come on Ariel, lets get some coffee."
Ariel shook her head back and forth.
"I..." Rox reached out for the girl and pulled her into her arms without a second thought.
She knew the girl was scared of losing the man in question.
She knew she was hurting in so many ways.
"It's okay sweetie." She pressed a kiss to her head as she watched Leanne head down the hallway, following the trail the other doctors had left. "Come on."
She felt Ariel wrap her arms around her tightly, her face burying against her shoulder.
She pressed another kiss to her blonde locks as she held her close.
She hoped the girl got some of the comfort that she needed.
Something to help soften the blow that she had just received.
—
Rox had managed to convince Ariel to go get a cup of coffee with her.
And then she had snuggled her close while they sat in the waiting room, her arm around the girl's shoulders as she laid her head against the older woman's.
They must have both dozed off because the next thing Rox knew Leanne was shaking her shoulder gently.
Her eyes were tired and bloodshot.
Her cheeks tear stained and her hands shaking.
"How is he?" She whispered.
She could feel Ariel still tucked against her side and she didn't want to wake her.
"Resting." Leanne said softly.
"How bad?" She didn't know if she wanted to know the answer to that question.
"He's gonna be okay." She let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding. "He'll have to stay put for a few more days, but it's nothing a few rounds of antibiotics and some rest won't fix."
"Where is he now?" She wanted to see him.
No, scratch that, she needed to see him.
"Back in his room." She could tell that Leanne was barely holding on.
She didn't know if it was the stress of the situation or the exhaustion that had done her in, but she was a mess.
"You and Ariel should try and sleep." She said quietly. "I can stay with him."
Leanne nodded her head as she reached forward and brushed back some of the girl's hair.
"She'll want to see him first." Her voice, combined with the movement of her hand, must have woken the teen because the next thing she knew Ariel was opening her eyes and pushing herself up out of her chair.
"Mom?" She rubbed at her sleep filled eyes with the back of her hand. "Is dad okay?"
"He's fine honey." Leanne reached out for the teen and Rox instantly felt very alone.
"I wanna see him." She whispered.
Rox watched as she tucked herself into her mother's arms and she swallowed.
It was times like this when she wished that she had someone to lean on.
"We can go now." Leanne pressed a kiss against the girl's head before pushing her back slightly. "But we can't stay. You have school in a few hours."
"But..." She wanted to argue, Rox could tell. But one look from Leanne had her hanging her head.
"No buts Ariel." She patted the girl's cheek softly as she offered her what Rox assumed was supposed to be a comforting look. "You have two tests today and you can't miss them."
"Can I please stay with him tomorrow?" The teen was pleading in a way that she had never heard before and it made her heart hurt. "Please mom?"
"We'll see how he does today okay sweetie?" Rox understood Leanne's desire to not make promises.
But she knew where Ariel was coming from too.
She needed to be with Ethan, just like Ariel did, and it was killing her standing here instead of being by his side.
"Come on," Leanne turned the girl toward the double doors with a soft smile, "let's get going before it gets any later."
Ariel simply nodded her head and Rox watched as the two started to walk away from her.
But then the teen was stopping in her tracks and she turned back to face her, tears filling her eyes as she locked them with hers.
"Aren't you coming Rox?" She whispered her question and Rox noted that Leanne's head fell forward just a tad.
"Not right now honey." She gave the girl the fakest smile she could manage. "I'll go back in a bit, let you and your mom have some time with him."
She wanted to tell her the truth.
She wanted to tell her that she wouldn't go back there with him because she knew where she wasn't welcome.
She knew where she didn't belong.
And in that moment, the last place she was supposed to be, was by his side.
"Rox..." She shook her head back and forth as she continued to smile at the girl.
"It's okay babe." Ariel sniffled as she shifted her gaze toward her mother. Rox knew that she understood what she was saying without actually saying it. "I promise, I'll go later."
She wanted to say that she had to wait for her mother to leave his side.
But she didn't want to be rude.
After all, it wasn't the poor girl's fault this was all going down this way.
"I'll tell him to be expecting you." She said softly.
Rox simply nodded her head at her words.
And then she was turning back toward the door, her legs carrying her through them with her mother at her side.
And Rox was suddenly left all alone in the OR waiting room, tears running down her cheeks as she tried to maintain her composure.
She just wanted to be by Ethan's side. Now more than ever.
But sadly, now more than ever, did she suspect that he would want anyone but her to be there.
—
Rox had retreated to the cafeteria in search of a snack of some kind.
Instead she ran into Noa who spent twenty minutes convincing her that she needed to go see Ethan.
She had finally caved and told the younger woman that she would go there now.
In reality she just wanted to be left alone.
She had wandered the halls for a bit before she found herself outside the very room she was trying her best to avoid.
She stood there staring at the closed door for a good ten minutes before she finally convinced herself to go inside.
She was expecting to find Leanne and Ariel still by his side.
Or maybe Martin or Jesse.
But instead, she found no one.
Letting out a breath of relief she stepped inside the room and closed the door quietly behind her.
"Rox?" She hadn't expected to hear Ethan's voice echo through the small room and it took her completely off guard.
"Shh Ethan..." She moved toward the bed slowly, her hand reaching out for his subconsciously, "go back to sleep."
"What time is it?" He asked quietly.
She could barely make out his soft, blue eyes in the dim light of the room, but they looked tired.
"A little after four." She whispered. She let her free hand move up to brush his wild hair off his forehead. He was hot to the touch still and she winced. "You need to rest."
"So do you." He locked his eyes with hers as he squeezed her hand gently.
"I'm okay Ethan." She had slept plenty earlier and now she was perfectly content with staying awake and keeping an eye on him. "Close your eyes, try and rest."
"Lay with me?" His question startled her.
She certainly didn't expect that reaction from him.
Surely he was expecting Leanne to come back any minute now.
"Ethan..." She didn't understand his request so she tried pleading with him instead.
She didn't want to be played.
She didn't want to get hurt.
"Please." But she could tell by the look in his eyes that he just wanted to hold her.
He wanted her close, real close, and it sent shivers down her spine to even think about being so close to him after all this time.
She hesitated for a second before giving in to him, her body moving to rest beside his on the small bed.
She was shocked when he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her against his side with a gentle tug.
"Relax." He whispered.
She could tell that he sensed her anxiety about being here.
She could tell that he wasn't liking it one bit either.
After a minute of sitting in silence she finally caved and she allowed her body to sink back against the mattress.
Her head fell to his shoulder as she let out a soft sigh.
"I've missed you." He whispered as he dropped a kiss to her head.
She felt her heart start to race in her chest.
He hadn't done that in two weeks.
Two long weeks without his lips against her skin.
It was almost more than she could handle.
"I've missed you too." She whispered back.
She felt him tighten his grip around her shoulders before relaxing back against the pillow.
She knew he had to be downright exhausted after everything that had happened.
"I'm sorry." His apology shocked her.
He really had nothing to be sorry for.
It was her who had screwed up, not him.
"I know Ethan." She said softly.
She let her hand settle against his chest, her fingers pressing lightly against his bare skin.
He was warm to the touch and it made her hurt in ways she didn't know existed.
She had never felt this much love toward anyone before.
She had never been this scared of losing anyone.
"I wanna make things right again." She closed her eyes as she let her head settle further against his good shoulder.
She wished more than anything that they were back home, curled up in her bed with the sheets tangled around their naked bodies.
Not here, in a hospital bed, barely holding on to each other.
"I know." And she did know.
She knew he wanted to make thinks right.
She knew he just wanted their life together again.
"Don't you?" He asked softly.
"I do..." She whispered.
She wanted to make things right.
She wanted to be back in his life again.
"But?" The fact that he could sense her fears even now made her shiver.
He knew her better than anyone and it killed her.
"I just... I wanna make sure we do this right." She let out a sigh as she closed her eyes. "I don't wanna have any more fights like that. I don't wanna keep getting hurt."
She was tired of feeling so broken all the time.
And while she was just as much to blame as him, she still didn't like it one bit.
"Stop pushing me away then." He whispered.
"Ethan..." It's not that she did it on purpose.
She loved him. More than she had ever loved anyone.
She wanted him to know all the parts of her.
She didn't want to keep him at arm's length anymore.
"I love you Rox. More than I've ever loved anyone or anything. And I just want us to be happy together." She turned her head so that she could see his face. His eyes were half open and she could see the anguish in them. She had broken him by pushing him so far. "I want to make this work, but I need you to help me out. I need to know that you're all in here."
"I am Ethan." She whispered.
He shifted his gaze toward her and let out a sigh, his head shaking back and forth in defeat.
"Then what's the issue?" He asked softly.
He was seeing right through her mask and she hated it.
"I don't wanna talk about it right now." She let her head fall back to his shoulder as she bit back a wave of tears.
She didn't want to cry.
She was so tired of crying.
"Rox..." He said her name softly as he let the fingers of his good hand trail over her bare arm. "Please."
"No Ethan." It was her turn to shake her head back and forth. "It's late, I've had a very rough past few days and so have you. Can we please just close our eyes and sleep for a while?"
"We need to talk." He sounded so sad and lonely and lost and she knew exactly how he felt.
"We can talk later." But she didn't want to acknowledge that pain right now. Not in him, and certainly not in her.
"You promise?" She could hear his voice getting softer as he sank back against the pillow with a sigh.
"Yes Ethan, I promise." She pressed a gentle kiss against his shoulder as she snuggled herself closer to his side. "We'll talk later."
"Okay." He kissed her head softly before settling in and she heard him let out a gentle huff as he let his body finally start to relax. "Goodnight Roxane."
"Goodnight Ethan." She whispered back.
When she looked up a few minutes later he was already asleep.
His eyes closed and a sad look on his face.
She hoped that he wouldn't be plagued by bad dreams like she had been.
She hoped that he could rest soundly and peacefully now that she was by his side again.
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