Chapter 46:Waves (Dean Lewis)

Brittany's POV

I looked down at her dark eyes and the black curls framing her face which made her look like a dark angel.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" I asked her because I knew that this wasn't the kind of thing that she could just hold in.

"Af-After you left...I went in s-search of drugs...Q st-stopped me. I just wanted to feel s-something. So...she gave me a d-distraction."

"She spanked you."

"Yeah."

"I don't think I've even gotten to do that. I didn't know that was a thing you needed."

"S-Sometimes, yes but I c-can't ask you for that." She looked thrown off that I would even consider that sort of thing.

"Why not? Marco..." I paused as her eyes welled up with tears. "He always said that he conditioned you to need pain...I'm not surprised that this is a part of that. I just wish you had trusted me to do that for you and not...well Quinn."

She was staring in my eyes and I could see her wheels spinning, then she rested her shaky hand on my cheek.

"It w-was the first time in y-years. When she asks me if she s-should worry...that's what she's asking. If I need her to t-take the edge off. Usually I say no."

How many times had I heard Quinn ask that question and thought nothing of it?

It was like they had their own private language. It made sense, Quinn has known Ana at least 10 years longer than I have, for so long she was the glue that held my wife together and it was easy to see how they blurred the lines a little too much.

"So it wasn't sexual?"

"No. It...did help. I w-went to sleep after. I felt energ-gized...then you w-weren't coming home and I felt off again. I was gonna ask her for another...just so I could be ok until you got home."

"But then Ceily talked shit about you?"

"Yes and I b-broke. I went to a m-meeting and then came here and you weren't here yet. So I went back out and b-bought drugs and grabbed the stuff from the car. I m-mixed them."

"Which is why you overdosed."

"Yes."

"Did you want to die?"

"K-Kinda."

"How about now?"

"No. I...just need help." She started to cry harder and I just wrapped her in my arms tighter. "I was lay-laying here...sinking d-deeper and you weren't home...all I wanted was...this ti-time with you...Ari told me she k-kept you from me. I d-don't blame you. I just needed something right then...Q just got me th-through. Gave me a d-distraction...we both felt t-terrible after. We h-haven't talked since then."

"No?" In my mind they had cuddled after, laughing at me but to know they did it and then walked away full of regret.

"No. I don't wa-want people to shun her. Please d-don't be mad at her. Please?"

"I told her she can't stay here anymore."

"You did?"

"It's better for us, that she not be here at least for a while, okay baby?"

"Okay." She cried harder now and I felt terrible about it but I couldn't trust Quinn right now...not with my wife.

"You can still be friends...you just need boundaries...some space, baby...that's it."

"Okay."

"And if you ever need a spanking I'm here...you don't need to go to anyone else. Understand."

"Yes."

"Good...now, know that I forgive you and I don't count yesterday as real cheating. I get what was going on with you...I know you won't go there again and neither will she. She was really broken up about it and I couldn't even be super mad at her because she was up all night with Izzy, taking care of him. How could I hate her after that?"

"She loves our kids."

"Yeah."

"We got our wires cr-crossed. We both feel dirty...shitty."

"I get that.

"And she loves you, B. Hur-Hurting you was the last thing she wan-wanted. Q was tr-trying to help in her own weird way."

I didn't respond to that immediately, I just kissed her hard. "She wasn't thinking about me yesterday...it stings a bit now that I know what happened, I feel bitter but I'll work through it, Right now, I just want to help you feel clean again."

She looked up at me in disbelief but then she nodded as she choked back a sob.

"M-Make me yours again, B." she whispered with a stone cold look of heartbreak in her eyes.

I leaned in and kissed her face softly over and over again.

The tears kept coming but acted like I didn't see them or hear them as I made my way down towards her neck and then her shoulders. She moaned through her tears and when I leaned down and took her swollen nipple into my mouth she hissed. I could feel how full her breasts were with milk.

Milk that was now tainted with cocaine.

That thought must have hit her at the same time because she covered her face and sobbed into her hands. I kissed her breasts and then made my way back up and moved her hands and kissed her lips.

She didn't kiss back at first but then after me kissing her a few more times, she finally gave in and kissed me back, long and hard.

I was praying that I could help her feel loved by me so that when she faced the world she would still feel content in our love for one another.

"Oh, B!"

I had thrown off the blanket and was now making my way down her body. Every time I looked up at her, I could see that she was watching me with this intense look on her face. I let my hands wander down to the core of her and she sucked in a breath.

Then she winced and I froze.

I looked up at her and could feel my face get hot.

"Did she hurt you?" I whispered as I slowly ran my fingers over her clit.

I watched her eyes water again and her chin trembled as she tried to hold back the emotion. I was getting angry. It was one thing for them to go at it but Quinn had been rough while doing it.

"I'm fine." she said as she sniffled and closed her eyes.

"Damnit Santana...look at me. Did she hurt you? Was she too rough? Are you hurting? Don't lie to me!" I growled. I sounded angrier than I was. Her eyes popped open and she shrugged.

"She was a little r-rough, I begged her to be...but I'm fine. I pr-promise." She said as she sucked in a lip and closed her eyes.

"Look at me...please?" My voice cracked as I held back all the emotions that were flooding me at that moment.

Ana sucked in a deep, shuddering breath and looked at me with the saddest eyes that I had ever seen.

"Okay...B-Britt Britt." she whispered as she nodded her head and stared in my eyes.

I crawled back up her body and kissed her entire face and then landed on her lips.

She moaned as I allowed my hands to proceed with the touching and the stroking. I dipped inside and she moaned as her body ground down against my fingers. I kissed her lips and then her cheeks and last I kissed the very tip of her nose as I brought her closer and closer to orgasm. She wrapped her arms around me and moaned into my ear.

"I love you Britt. I don't de-de-deserve this!" she whispered against my ear as her body quaked below me.

"You deserve this...you deserve the world. And I'm going to give it to you! I love you!" I said as I slowly entered her. She hissed and shuddered against me as she came instantly.

"Britt!" She growled and held me close. "I'm all y-yours, B...fuck...thank you." I stroked her to another orgasm and she began rambling out sweet words.

"Always and only you, Ana and I know that I'm all yours...all you need. I'm all you want. It never happened. Okay? You're mine." I said as I rammed in her and her body lifted from the bed.

"I'm yours...always...always! Oh God! Yes! I'm cumm...ugh! Yes! I'm yours, I'm yours, I'm yours!" she chanted and every time she said the words, the anger that had been growing inside of me ever since I realized what happened between her and Quinn disappeared.

She loves me.

I love her.

Fuck the world.

That's all that matters.

She curled up against me, her body still shaking as she came down from her orgasam.

"B?" She whispered against my shoulder.

"Hmm?" I was trailing my fingers along her arm and dropping lazy kisses on the top of her head.

"Do you r-remember your promise to me about the k-kids?"

The tears were almost immediate but I blinked them back...the last thing I wanted was to take the kids away from her.

"Yeah."

"Keep that promise." She said.

"Okay but like when...should I be kicking you out? Like today? Or am I sending them off with Sandra?"

"No. Sh-She can't take them right now."

"Then what should I do?"

"I need to go to re-rehab and I can't come back until I'm b-better."

"Don't you have to talk to the judge though? You're still on house arrest."

She slapped her forehead and then looked down at her ankle.

"Shit."

"What?"

"I gotta call Mami."

"Oh, she is not going to be happy about this."

She pulled away from me and sat up, her body was shaking as she looked at me. I sat up and watched as she looked at me...her eyes full of tears.

"Y-You need to give me consequences. I c-can't...WE c-can't just ch-chalk this up to my addiction or de-depression. I need more than that."

And I got it...the way Marco had wormed his way under her skin...the way that Quinn was trying to help her.

"It's hard for me to be tough with you...is that why you went to her?" She dropped her eyes and shrugged. "Santana...please?"

She looked at me again and nodded. "Yes."

"So you need me to be tough, I can be tough but you won't like it." I tried to give her an out.

"Good. That's what I need."

"Okay. I will be tougher, the first thing I need from you is for you to stop breastfeeding the baby. For good."

Her chin wobbled as she wrapped her arms around her naked boobs, she dropped her head and nodded.

"Okay."

I reached forward and tipped up her chin until she was looking at me again.

"Eyes on me, okay?"

She nodded, her eyes on mine as the tears came.

"Okay."

"Also, I think sending Izzy with your sister for a little while will be helpful. His breathing is better when he's at her place, she already offered...it will be good for him to be around Tito and the other boys...just for a little bit."

"Okay." She squeaked.

"Is this too much to ask of you?" I asked, wiping her tears with my thumbs. "Be honest."

"No, B. It's perfect." She wiped her face again and then tried to smiled at me, "C-Can I have you now?"

And I felt sick to my stomach...I needed time after everything and I had to be honest with her.

"No. I'm not ready for that...okay."

She took a deep breath.

"And there's the con-consequence." She covered her face with her hands and cried. This time I didn't ask her if it was too much because, it wasn't about her in that moment. It was about me, protecting myself and putting myself first.

I wouldn't apologize for that but I did pull her against me and let her cry until she seemed to have nothing left.

Santana's POV

I had asked for consequences and now had to accept them. She honestly, was being nicer than I would have been, that's for sure.

"Let's get showered...okay?" she whispered as she looked at me. I nodded and took her hand as she stood from the bed.

When my feet hit the floor, I was insanely glad that she was holding my hand because I had a headrush that nearly knocked me over.

My body was aching and my feet stung so much I had to sit back down. I let go of Britt's hand and sat down on the edge of the bed, raising my foot onto my lap so that I could get a better look at it.

"What the fuck?" I whispered as I saw a shard of glass sticking from my heel. I threw my head back in frustration and felt the hot tears stream down my face. I had really gone off the edge the night before and now that I was more lucid, I was starting to feel all the pain that I had managed to block out.

"Let me get that for you."

Britt knelt down in front of me, still in the same clothes that she had been wearing the day before when we kissed on the stairs. The same clothes she was wearing before I systematically ruined our lives. Dark circles were under her eyes.

Had she slept?

Why had I put her through this?

Because I was feeling lonely.

Because I just needed comfort and she wasn't there.

Why had I done it? How had Quinn happened?

Because I was a fuck up.

All I knew was that this was the last straw. Getting high again had scared me beyond measure. Things were going to have to change, I was way too scared of the alternative.

I bit into my palm as Britt sat in front of me with tweezers and a bottle of peroxide.

Apparently, I had more than one piece of glass embedded in both of my feet. I felt like such a punk as she pulled out each piece and laid them on a tissue.

How had I managed that?

"Ari told me that you walked right through a pile of glass on your way to the bathroom last night. She cleaned it up before I saw it so I completely forgot to check your feet."

"Wow...so I did this b-before getting high?" I looked at her in disbelief but she bit her lip and nodded her head as she pulled another piece from my foot. "Fuck." I moaned when I saw the size of one shard. "I'm so s-sorry, B. For all of this!"

"Hush, will you!" she scolded as she poured the peroxide onto a cotton ball. "I forgive you Ana. I meant that...we talked, I get what happened and now it's time for you to let me help you. Let's just deal with one thing at a time. Okay?"

"Okay. I'm sor-" She cut me off with a look then grinned.

"Okay...I got them all!" she said cheerfully as she brought one foot and then the other to her lips and kissed them. "Can you stand or should I carry you to the shower?"

"Um...I think I can w-walk." She stood to her feet again but this time didn't offer me her hand, instead she began to strip off her clothes while watching me with squinted eyes.

It's like she was challenging my stubborn need to do EVERYTHING on my own.

"Well...get up...I want to see if you can do it." she said as she slid her panties down to the floor.

She was definitely testing me.

I rolled my eyes and then just held both my hands out to her.

"Okay...fine...my feet hu-hurt like a bitch...would you mind carrying me?" she smirked at me.

I had passed her test.

This was about letting her take care of me, so that I could better take care of myself.

My feet were so sore as I stood in the shower trying to rest on my tiptoes as much as possible. Thankfully, it was eased by Britt letting me rest against her while she washed my body from head to foot. As I looked down, I noticed that there was blood leaking onto the shower floor.

"Is that fresh blood?" Britt said as she looked to where my eyes had fallen.

"Yeah." I said as I continued to look down.

"Look at me." she said softly as she gripped my hips. The moment that we were eye to eye, I watched her face scrunch up.

"What?" I asked as she examined me.

"It's your nose. How much was in that bag?"

"It was a speedball pl-plus the extra coke." Her face fell and I felt awful about it.

"What's a speedball?"

"It's a mix of cocaine and he-heroin." I dropped my head and l tried to hide my eyes from her. "I was in a bad pl-place."

"Did the meeting not help you?"

"I was already too f-far gone."

I watched the love of my life and wanted to punch myself in the face as her face crumbled. This bit of news somehow was worse than me cheating. I wanted to look away but I couldn't...I watched in weird fascination as she cried.

There was no hiding from this, I needed to see this as another consequence for my actions.

I went to apologize...to say anything to make her tears dry up but she shook her head as she brought her damp hand to my face and wiped away the blood that I could now feel leaking down my face. I sucked in a breath as her lips came crashing straight down against my lips. I knew that my nose was still bleeding but she wasn't going to stop the kiss.

She gripped the back of my head and held me in place as she licked and nipped at my lips.

I melted against her as my back met the wall.

Before I knew it her hand was making its way between us and she was pressing inside of me. I bit down hard on her lip and she began to go faster.

Fucking me and giving me the ache that I needed.

She pulled her face away and I could see my blood on her face and it made me want to scream. I reached up to touch her face but she turned it from me and began to go faster and harder. My body was moving with her as I came again for the fourth time that morning.

I rested my face against her shoulder and allowed more tears to stream down my face.

She stayed inside of me and waited for me to finish my crying before she decided to move. I stood there looking at her face and allowed myself to feel her as she slowly started to move inside of me.

"You know what you need to do right?" she whispered as she continued to make my whole body quake.

This was the way she wanted to talk...and I would oblige her. It was the least that I could do.

"Re-Rehab." I said quietly, admitting that earned me a flick to my clit. I gasped out and dropped my head to her shoulder again.

"Look at me." I looked in her eyes and then she spoke again. "What else?"

"I need to tell M-Mami and the judge what I did." I moaned as almost immediately she began to move my clit with her other hand. I leaned my head back against the wall and came once again. "Oh God...B!" I moaned.

"Anything else?" she whispered against my ear before pulling it between her teeth and sucking hard on it.

"Yes! I ne-need to become a better wife and mom! I ne-need to be grateful for my blessings...fuck! I ne-need to honor my vows! Oh God! No more drugs! Unh!"

With every promise she was going harder as she held me against the wall with her body. My head was thrown back as she sucked on my collarbone and gave one final thrust of her hand.

Fireworks exploded behind my eyes and the weight of the world lifted from my shoulders.

I looked her in the eyes and felt relief fill me when she smiled with that huge grin of hers and then winked at me.

"And I promise you that I will stand beside you every step of the way."

"Yea?" I knew the answer but my insecurities wouldn't let me believe that she meant what she said.

She flicked my clit a few more times and kissed my mouth again.

This was her answer.

She was here now...even with everything that happened the night before.

So of course she would be there as I tried to get my life together, once and for all!

Brittany's POV

After taking care of her nose and making sure that she was squeaky clean inside and out, I left her in the shower while I grabbed us two fluffy towels and then headed back to the bathroom.

I froze when I saw her in front of the sink gazing down at half of a line of cocaine still sitting there. I didn't move as I watched her hands twitch.

She didn't know I was watching...I could tell by the way she stared at the little crystals.

My heart leapt when she brought her hand to the faucet and turned on the water. She hesitated one more second before sighing deeply and brushing the drugs into the sink. She cupped water in her hand and poured it on the edge of the sink and rinsed off anything that could have been left.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and walked forward, she was serious about this, seeing that had broken down the wall that Frankie had helped me build. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her against me. She looked up at my reflection in the mirror and gave me a lopsided grin.

"How long were you st-standing there?" She mumbled as she wrapped her hands around mine.

"Long enough to see just how serious you are about getting better." I kissed the side of her face then wrapped the towel around her body. "Now let's get a move on. We need to face the day."

"I was af-afraid that you would say that." she whispered as she turned to face me. She smiled up at me and then hugged me.

"Be bold, my love bug, it's the thing that I love about you the most. How brave you are."

"With you beside me...I know that I can make it th-through anything. You make me br-brave."

"Sounds like song lyrics. You should write a song like that."

"Maybe I will." I kissed her face and she smirked, "Thank you for loving me even when I don't des-" I put a finger to her lips and kissed her forehead.

"You deserve the world...I'm not going to say it again." I warned.

She looked at me with open, bright eyes and nodded with a slanted smirk on her face.

"Th-Thanks, B."

Dani was screaming through the monitor as we entered the bedroom and from what I could tell, Izzy wasn't doing much better. He kept whimpering for us and his Dama. The baby though was wailing louder than Izzy's cries. I watched as Ana's faced dropped as she listened and then looked down at her chest.

"At l-least, I pumped yesterday." she mumbled as she sat on the edge of the bed looking defeated but determined. "Why didn't I th-think about my breast milk before snorting?"

"I'll get her, you get dressed and don't lock this door...okay?" I said as I quickly threw on a shirt and my favorite red lady boxers. I wanted her to understand that I was there for her but I needed her to understand that the trust between us had been tested and I was nervous about the harm that she could still cause herself.

She seemed to understand because she simply nodded and walked into the closet to get dressed. When I stepped into the hall, I ran straight into Quinn who was making her way towards the stairs with tears in her eyes. When she saw me, she threw her hands up and looked me straight in the eye.

"I'm leaving. I'm going to go stay with Puck for a few days. Okay?"

I nodded and walked into the nursery. Izzy was standing against the bars of his crib looking over at his crying sister.

"Mama...baby...cryie!" Izzy said as he pointed his finger towards Dani.

"Thank you Izzy." I said as I picked up Dani. She immediately began sucking on my face as I held her in my arms. She was hungry and from what I could tell insanely wet.

How long had she been crying?

It wasn't lost on me, just how much not having Quinn around was going to suck. Never did we have to ask for her to step in, it's just what she did unlike the sisters, who were still here and hadn't stepped up to help at all.

And this is why I couldn't completely cut Q.

We just needed some boundaries...thank God for Ari catching me before I unleashed fury on Quinn.

I laid Dani on the changing table and inspected her newly forming diaper rash. No wonder she was crying so hard. She was in pain.

Once I had her all clean and in a new diaper, Dani calmed down although she was still whining. Izzy was bouncing on his little feet humming the Elmo song as he watched me take care of the baby.

"All better." I said to Dani as I kissed her cheeks.

"Beyer!" Izzy tried to mimic me and it made me laugh.

"Can I help?" I heard my wife's voice and was shocked to see that she was dressed and standing there with a bottle of milk and a burping cloth. Izzy looked at her and screeched.

"Mami...up?" Ana looked at him and then at me, waiting for some direction because she felt unsure of whether I was actually going to honor my promise. I could tell that she didn't really trust herself at the moment. So I sat in the glider with Dani and held a hand out for the bottle.

"Why don't you get him washed and dressed while I feed Dani...okay?" I said as she put the bottle in my hand.

"Okay, B. Th-Thank you." she said with a small smile as she picked up Izzy from his crib and spun him around slowly. I could see the pain in her face as her heels met the cold, hard wood of the floor.

"Mami!" Izzy laughed as he screeched. I mock glared at them when the baby jumped and Ana nodded in understanding.

She pressed a finger to her lips and Izzy did the same. He nodded and then rested his head on Ana's shoulder as she walked with him towards the bathroom.

"I love you, Papa." she whispered.

"Wuv you, Mami." he said as they left the room.

We would get back to us...one way or another.

It was just gonna take a little bit of time and a lot of trust.