Title: Brothers
Author: SneetchesToo
Rating: Teen
Pairing: Ethan/Rox
Summary: Ethan wakes up to find a surprise visitor in his hospital room.
Author's Note: Nothing to report here other than Ethan is hilarious while drugged.
—
When Ethan woke up the following night everything felt heavy and faded.
His head was still pounding and his shoulder was on fire.
His arms and legs felt like they were made of rubber.
He felt so, off, and he hated it.
He let his eyes stay closed for a minute as he tried to gather his thoughts and when he opened them he was met with complete darkness.
He didn't know what time it was, but it felt like the middle of the night and it worried him.
He remembered Rox climbing into bed with him early that morning.
Had he really slept another day completely away?
"Ethan." The voice that said his name was certainly not a voice he ever expected to hear again.
"Robbie?" He blinked his eyes slowly as he tried to figure out where the voice was coming from.
"Hey E." And then he saw him, sitting in the chair in the corner, his body barely visible by the light from his monitor.
"What time is it?" He figured he should probably be more concerned about why he was seeing his dead brother's ghost and not the time, but he had been through so much the past few days that it was honestly the least of his worries.
"Little after midnight." Damn, he had slept through another day.
"What are you doing here?" He whispered his question as he tried to push himself up into a sitting position.
He had no luck though and he let out a huff when Robbie chuckled from his spot.
"Didn't want you to be alone." Robbie rose from his seat and moved toward him, stopping next to the bed and offering Ethan a smile.
"But… I am..." And he was alone.
Robbie wasn't real. He was a ghost. Ethan knew that.
"I'm not leaving bro." He let out a sigh at his brother's tone. He always was the obstinate one. "That girl of yours is supposed to be coming back soon. I'll wait until she arrives."
"Rox..." He wished she was here.
He had felt so much more at peace with her tucked against his side earlier.
He hadn't even heard her leave and he wished that he knew where she was.
"Yeah her. Rox." Robbie gave him a look that said that he needed to start talking, and soon.
"She wants to see me?" He was still in shock that she had come around in the first place.
The fact that she wanted to come back was astounding.
"I guess so. I don't know." He shrugged his shoulders as he pulled the chair he had just vacated up and parked it next to the bed. "Heard her telling dad she'd be back soon."
"Oh." Ethan closed as his eyes as he heard Robbie take a seat.
He let out another sigh before opening his eyes again and giving the man a once over.
The last time Ethan had seen him he was dressed in his uniform, but not this time.
No, tonight he looked like everyday Robbie, clad in jeans and a Dodgers t-shirt. His hair was a wild mess and he was wearing the motorcycle boots with the hole in them.
Ethan wasn't aware that ghosts were allowed wardrobe changes but it was comforting to know that his brother looked more like himself this time around.
"Ethan..." Robbie must have been able to tell that his mind was wandering because he squeezed his hand gently and offered him a soft look.
"I said some things..." He was surprised that he remembered his conversation with his dad and Leanne from earlier.
But he did. And it was embarrassing.
"You always do." Robbie chuckled.
He always did pride Ethan on being the goofy one.
"Leanne and Dad…" He closed his eyes as he shook his head.
He couldn't believe some of the things that had left his mouth.
"I doubt they cared much dude." In all honesty, it could have been worse. "You're pretty drugged. They know you're not quite right in the head."
Leanne knew him better than anyone, other than Robbie of course, and his dad understood him well enough to know where his head was.
"Clearly." He turned toward Robbie and offered him a smile. "I'm seeing my dead brother's ghost."
Robbie let out a laugh as he leaned back in his chair.
"Good one." He pointed at him and rolled his eyes.
God how Ethan had missed this.
"Am I dead?" Not that he wanted to die, but having his brother by his side again would have been a perk.
"Not quite E." He whispered.
He wondered if Robbie missed him just as much.
"How long have you been here?" He wondered if he had watched him make a fool of himself in front of Rox two weeks ago.
If he had watched him push Leanne and Ariel away.
If he had witnessed his fight with his dad.
"Long enough to know that you have a slew of people who love you and want you to get better." He patted his arm with his words and Ethan watched a solemn look come over his face.
"Same people loved you too Robbie." And that was true.
He had never wanted his brother to suffer. And he certainly never wanted him to die.
And neither did their dad. Despite their differences, Ethan knew that he loved them both.
And Leanne adored Robbie. She had been just as heartbroken after his death as they had.
"Not like they love you." He chuckled as he closed his eyes and then opened them again. "And man, that kid of yours…"
"Ariel?" He wondered if that's who Robbie was talking about.
That was the only 'kid' he had so he was going to assume that was who he was referring too.
"Yeah, her." Robbie offered him a soft smile as he spoke.
"What about her?" His brother had never had the pleasure of getting to meet Ariel and it killed Ethan sometimes.
They would have been two peas in a pod.
"She's got quite the mouth on her." Ethan rolled his eyes at Robbie's comment. They were slowly working on that issue with her, but she was a feisty thing once she got going. "Pretty strong willed thing too. You sure she ain't yours?"
"She's mine in all the ways that count." And she was. She may not have shared half of his DNA but she was just as much his.
"She's a good kid. She told that girlfriend of yours that you two belong together. She was pretty adamant about it too." He could see it now, Ariel and Rox going toe-to-toe about him and their relationship. He knew that Ariel liked Rox, but he didn't realize that it meant that much to her that they stayed together. "And I know I don't know much, ya know, considering I'm dead and all, but I'm inclined to agree with the kid."
"Why... why would she tell Rox that?" However, he knew that deep down she would always want him and Leanne to get back together. "I didn't think she cared for her much."
"Apparently she does. She seems to really love you." He felt his heart swell at his brother's words. He used to wonder if he would be a good father to her, if he could give her a good life like she deserved. "You and Leanne are doing a great job with her."
"She's so… she's a great kid Robbie." And she was. After everything that she had been through she came through it all with flying colors. She was the strongest kid he knew and he loved her more than he had ever loved anyone. She was his entire world. "I wish you could have really met her. You guys would've gotten along great."
"I can tell." They would have driven him absolutely crazy, of that he was certain, but he would have loved having them by his side through everything.
"I screwed up Robbie." He whispered.
"I know Ethan." He patted his arm once more and offered him a sympathetic look. "You can fix this though."
"Can I?" He didn't think he could.
He was pretty certain that he had screwed up.
That he had lost Rox forever.
And it was slowly killing him.
"Yeah man, you can." His brother was normally the pessimist of the two, so to hear him say that made his heart flutter. "If you two work together, you can make it work. You belong together."
"I love her." And he did, more than anything.
He just wanted her back in his arms again.
Back where she belonged.
"I know. And she knows." He wondered how Robbie knew that.
How long had he been watching them? How much of their relationship did he really know about?
"I wanna see her." He didn't know when she had left but he already missed her being by her side.
"You will E. She'll be here soon." He hoped she hurried up. "Try and sleep until then okay?"
"Okay." He closed his eyes as he settled back against the pillow. He realized that if Rox showed up though it would mean that Robbie would leave. "Hey Robbie..."
"Yeah man?" He opened his eyes as Robbie shifted in his seat.
"I miss you. A lot." He whispered.
He felt tears coming to his eyes and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He hated that his brother was gone.
It was the most miserable feeling in the world.
"I miss you too bro." Robbie whispered back.
"Promise me you won't stop looking out for me?" He needed his brother to keep watching over him.
He needed him to keep making sure that he was getting by okay.
"Always man." Robbie patted his shoulder gently and offered him a big smile. "You always had my back when we were kids, now it's my turn."
Ethan blinked back the tears in his eyes as he huffed.
"I love you kid." He whispered, his eyes growing heavy all of a sudden.
"Love you too dude." And before Ethan could respond his body gave in to sleep.
When he woke up a few hours later Robbie was still in the chair next to the bed, his arms crossed over his chest, his head tilted backward as he snored softly.
Ethan mustered up all the strength he could manage and kicked the chair gently with his foot.
Robbie shook himself awake before shooting a glare in his direction.
"You know Robbie," Ethan pushed himself up into as much of a sitting position as he could and he offered his brother a smile, "I didn't think ghosts needed to sleep."
"No rest for the wicked man." The younger man winked at him as he adjusted himself. "Besides, keeping up with your life is exhausting."
Ethan rolled his eyes at his brother's words.
If only he knew.
"Did Rox ever come back?" He whispered his question as he closed his eyes.
He hoped that she hadn't only because he wanted to see her.
He wanted her to come when he was awake and could actually talk to her and hold her.
"She poked her head in for a minute." His eyes popped back open as he turned his attention back toward the man beside him. "I guess she saw that you were sleeping so she went on her way."
"Dammit." He muttered.
He was pissed at himself for sleeping for so much.
He just wanted to go home and be with his family.
Not stuck in this damn bed all day.
Robbie got ready to respond when the door to the room opened slowly.
Ethan shifted his gaze toward the door, praying that it was Rox and no one else.
"Ethan..." But he had no such luck.
Instead, Leanne poked her head through the door and eyed him softly.
"Leanne!" He wondered if she had heard him talking to himself a few minutes ago. "Hey. What are you doing here?"
"I came to check on you." She pushed her way into the room before shutting the door behind her quietly.
"I'm fine." In reality, he was anything but fine, but he didn't want her to know that.
"You we're talking to yourself..." She whispered.
"Yeah. Sorry." He hung his head in shame and he watched as Robbie shook his head. "It's been a long day."
"Ethan..." Leanne knew better though.
She knew there was something going on with him.
She always did.
"What?" He didn't want to go there with her though.
He didn't want her to know that he was slowly losing his mind.
"Who were you talking to?" Her question was soft as she moved to sit on the bed beside him.
"No one..." He whispered.
"Ethan James stop it." She took a gentle hold of his hand as she gave him a soft look. "Tell me who you were talking to."
"Robbie..." He watched as Robbie shrugged his shoulders before standing.
He prayed that he wouldn't leave just because Leanne was here.
He wasn't ready to say 'goodbye', again.
"Robbie?" She raised an eyebrow as she lifted her right hand up to brush across his forehead. He knew that she must have suspected that he had a fever again. "Robbie's dead Ethan."
"I know." And he did know.
His brother was dead and he was never coming back.
Except, he did, occasionally.
"So...?" Leanne didn't seem convinced and he couldn't really blame her.
"So...?" This time it was Ethan who raised an eyebrow. "You asked who I was talking to, I told you."
"You were talking to Robbie?" She was still skeptical and that was okay.
If she had told him that she was talking to a ghost he probably would have looked at her funny too.
"Yes." He said softly, closing his eyes.
When he opened them back up Robbie was pacing the room, his long legs carrying him across the small space quickly.
"Oookay." She didn't seem entirely freaked out by the situation, which he supposed was good.
They sat in silence for a few minutes and he watched as Robbie leaned back against the counter by the door. He was staring at Leanne and Ethan wondered what was going through his mind.
"Is he still here?" She asked quietly.
Robbie let out a soft laugh as he nodded his head and Ethan rolled his eyes.
Surely he didn't think that Leanne would be able to see him too.
"Yeah." He shifted his gaze toward the other man and he couldn't help but smile when Robbie started to speak. "He says 'hi'. Says you look good."
"Hi Robbie." She shifted her gaze to his right and waved softly with her words.
"He's over there." Ethan pointed toward the door though and Leanne turned slowly, as if she was expecting the man to magically appear behind her.
"Hi Robbie." She whispered.
Ethan chuckled when Robbie waved rather enthusiastically at her.
"He waved." He said with a smile.
"This is weird Ethan." Leanne stared at the spot where Robbie was standing and Ethan could almost feel the confusion radiating off of her.
"You're telling me." He blinked his eyes a few times, offering her a soft smile as she turned back around to face him. "I'm the one seeing dead people."
"Do you need a psych consult while you're here?" Her question wasn't unwarranted, but he rolled his eyes nonetheless.
"No!" He shot Robbie a glare as the younger man let out a laugh. That would surely make his brother's day. "I'm perfectly healthy in that aspect."
"You're seeing dead people…" She raised an eyebrow as she dragged out her words.
He knew this was weird.
He knew that most people would consider him crazy at this point.
But he wasn't crazy, he just missed his brother.
And his brother had always been his rock in rough situations. He had always been the one to get him through tough times. He just needed someone to lean on for a little bit and Robbie was the perfect person for that.
So what if he was dead.
"Well, only one dead person. And I at least I know this dead person." He shrugged as he tried to lighten the mood as best as possible. "There's no weird sixth sense shit going on here."
"I'm gonna get Amanda." She reached down to pull her cell out of her pocket and he reached out quickly to stop her.
He didn't need Amanda.
He didn't need anyone.
He just wanted to spend some time with his brother. He didn't understand what was wrong with that.
"Leanne!" He shouted her name and she jumped slightly. "I'm fine!"
She rolled her eyes at him as she turned back toward the direction in which he had told her that Robbie was standing.
"Robbie, go away." He knew that she wasn't trying to be mean, but he didn't appreciate her trying to get rid of the man.
"He doesn't appreciate that." Robbie had had a few choice words for her after that remark and Ethan was trying not to bust out laughing as his response.
"It's nothing personal, I promise." He knew that Leanne adored Robbie and that she would never have actually sent him away
"She just wants me to go back to being sane." He whispered.
He knew what she was thinking.
He knew that she was worried that he was going off the deep end again.
And while he appreciated her concern, he didn't need it.
He was fine.
"Ethan…" She dragged out his name as she turned back to face him once more.
"He says there's a fat chance in hell of me ever being sane." Robbie had always thought he was a little, off, about some things.
This was the perfect ammunition for him.
"Well, Robbie, please," She turned back around and pleaded with the empty space next to the door, "just, give us a minute."
"He said 'fine'." Robbie had rolled his eyes before nodding his head and vanishing.
Ethan felt like a piece of him was suddenly missing and he hated it.
They sat in silence once more for a few minutes while Leanne stared at him.
It was making him incredibly uncomfortable.
"Is he gone?" She whispered her question and he wondered if she was trying to make sure that Robbie didn't hear her if he was still around.
"Yes." He said softly.
He was gone, just like before, and Ethan prayed that he wouldn't stay away for too long.
"Ethan…" He could tell that she wasn't convinced though.
"He's gone Lea." He said sadly. "I promise."
"Why are you seeing Robbie's ghost?" She sounded genuinely concerned and he understood why.
A break from the psyche like that was normally associated with some sort of trauma.
And while being pummeled by a drug addict in the middle of Center Stage was certainly a stressful event, it wasn't exactly traumatic enough to warrant this kind of behavior.
"I don't know." He whispered.
He didn't know why he was seeing his brother.
Maybe it was all the mental and emotional turmoil that he had been through the past few weeks.
Maybe losing Rox and then trying to subsequently drink himself into the ground wasn't the best idea he had ever had.
"Is this the first time?" She had to know the answer to this question.
Surely Campbell had told her that he was seeing his brother when he was in San Diego.
There's no way the man would ever let him live that kind of situation down.
"No." He didn't want to have this discussion with anyone, but he figured having it with Leanne was his best option.
"When?" She asked softly.
"Huh?" He was confused by her question.
When what?
"When else have you seen Robbie's ghost?" She reached out and brushed his stray hair aside, her fingers lingering over his temple.
He knew that she was still suspecting a fever to be the cause of his insane behavior.
"When I was in San Diego." He had been shocked when his brother had shown up at his side.
And even though he hadn't recognized him at first, he had known from the start that the man was significant somehow.
"With Rox?" He should have known that bringing up that trying time would make her cautious.
Ariel had run away that same day.
Their daughter had left without a trace, no phone calls, no notes, nothing.
And Leanne had come home to an empty house while Ethan sat hundreds of miles away holding another woman's hand and begging her to wake up.
He hadn't been there when Leanne had needed him the most and he suspected that that had been the final straw in their relationship.
"Yeah. He was at the hospital with me." Robbie had remarked on how he thought it was odd that Ethan was with Rox and not Leanne too. Apparently his little brother wasn't convinced that he was in love with the paramedic. "In the brig too."
"And before that?" She let her hand fall down to rest against his cheek as she offered him a soft smile.
"Never." He didn't want to admit to having seen his brother's ghost multiple times over the years.
"Ethan James Willis, I am not in the mood for your shenanigans right now." She wasn't playing and he could tell. "Have you seen him before then?"
"Yes." He whispered.
"When?" She asked the question again and he let out a sigh.
His head hurt and he just wanted to go back to sleep.
"After he died. He was at the funeral." And he meant that he was actually there too, not just that his body was laying in the casket. "And then during the outbreak."
"The funeral?" Leanne had been by his side through the whole thing.
She had held his hand through the service and the entire drive to the cemetery.
And then she had stayed pressed against his side as they had stood huddled under an umbrella. When they had finally made it to the wake she hadn't let him out of his sight, her eyes following him around the small house of Robbie's girlfriend.
That night he had driven her home in silence and they had sat in the driveway just talking for a good thirty minutes before he finally walked her to the door.
She had invited him to stay the night that night and they had made love for the first time as a thunderstorm rattled the house and knocked out the power.
He had spent the rest of the weekend wrapped around her naked body and while his heart was breaking in his chest at the fact that he had just lost his brother, he was full of a new kind of hope and peace and he prayed that it never went away.
"He was watching from across the lot." He had been shocked when he had looked up at one point during the graveside service to see Robbie standing across the lot. He was dressed in his pajamas, his hair a wild mess and a five o'clock shadow covering his chin. He looked just the way Ethan had found him when he discovered his body a week prior. "We didn't talk then. He just stood there."
He had started to cry even more when he had seen the kid and he remembered his dad simply raising an eyebrow in the same direction.
He wondered if Martin could see him too. If he had seen his son standing there in the pouring rain, looking very much like the child their father still thought he was.
"I'm sorry Ethan." She whispered.
Her thumb stroked across his cheek as she wiped away the tears that he hadn't even been aware of.
"I didn't see him again until you and Ariel were in the tent." He had been confused when he had seen Robbie show up during that horrible time.
"Why then?" That had been a scary time for them both and he knew that Leanne hated reliving it.
They may have gotten something good out of the whole mess, but even having Ariel come into their lives had barely made up for the tragedy they had lived through.
"I don't know. He just appeared by my side while I stood there watching." Robbie had told him to stop being a wuss and to get himself together. He had yelled at him about how he couldn't let Leanne die because she was the best thing that he had ever happened to him. How Ariel needed him to be there for her because she had lost everyone, just like him, just like Leanne. Robbie had told him then that they were going to become his new family. He hadn't believed him then, but he was thankful that he had been right. "He told me not to give up. That I had to be strong, for you, for the kid."
"Oh." Leanne had been shocked when he had sat by her side, and Ariel's, through the whole thing.
She had even told him afterward that she expected him to run once Ariel came around. And once she had made the decision to keep her, she had counted on Ethan being out the door.
But instead he had welcomed the teen into their home with open arms and he hadn't looked back since.
He loved that little girl more than he had ever loved anyone.
And he was thankful that Robbie had made him see just how important she was to him.
"He really liked you you know?" He whispered his question as he offered Leanne a soft look.
"I know." She whispered back. "He told me."
Robbie and Leanne had had an interesting relationship from the start.
They had quickly become friends, and they had teased Ethan mercilessly.
He was glad that they had each other, and even though they had only known each other for a year before Robbie passed away, they had bonded.
"He wanted us to get married." He had never told Leanne that Robbie had been such a strong supporter of their relationship.
And even though he and Leanne hadn't really been much of a couple, Robbie had declared that they were destined to wed.
If only he had known.
"He didn't know me that well." She said softly.
"He's been watching us." He should have known that Robbie would keep tabs on his relationship with Leanne. "He thought we were destined to last."
And so had he.
He would have sworn that he and Leanne would get married someday.
Maybe have a baby or two of their own.
Raise their kids and Ariel together in a little house with a white picket fence and a dog or two.
He had had a dream back then of them and their life together.
Now it was just a nightmare that haunted him sometimes.
A nightmare of what could have been.
"So did I." She whispered.
He could see the hurt in her eyes.
The way she must have been haunted by their failed relationship as well.
He knew that sometimes it was still hard for her to handle.
That sometimes she missed him and what they had.
Even if she would never come right out and say it.
"Yeah, well." He shrugged his shoulders at her and let out a sigh.
They had both been to blame for the downfall of things.
He wished that he could say differently. He wished that he could point the fingers solely at her, or him, but he couldn't. They had both failed each other.
"I wish he was still here Ethan." Leanne dropped her hand from his cheek to rest against his shoulder and she offered him a soft smile.
"Me too." He wished more than anything that his brother was still here.
He needed him by his side right now more than ever.
"I should go." She squeezed his shoulder softly. "You need to rest."
"I'm okay Lea." And he was, he was fine. The headache would settle with some sleep and the painkillers were taking care of his shoulder pain. He just wanted to get out of there and back to his life. "I'm just… I'm ready to go home."
"To Rox?" He barely heard her question but he could feel the pain in her words.
Some days he wondered if she really did still want him back.
"If she'll have me." He doubted that she would take him back.
He didn't know why she would.
"She told me you want to get married." There was a hint of something in her voice that almost sounded like jealousy and it made his heart hurt.
"Yeah." He had talked to Rox about the prospect of getting married and it had scared her, bad.
"Have you asked her yet?" Leanne had to know that the answer to that question was no.
"No." He replied as he gave her a look that silently pleaded with her to drop the subject.
"You scared too?" He rolled his eyes at her question.
Of course he wasn't scared.
"Yeah know, I've proposed twice before, and yet, I'm still not married." He huffed out. "It's not like I have the greatest track record when it comes to these things."
He didn't exactly have a good track record when it came to getting women to marry him.
He pretended to not be hurt by that, but sometimes, it was a little painful.
Was he really that bad of a man that no one could imagine spending the rest of their lives with him?
"You and Megan weren't together very long Ethan." He rolled his eyes. If only that had been why he and Megan hadn't lasted. "I'm not surprised she said 'no' to you."
"We were together 2.5 years." He spat out. "What's your excuse?"
"You know why I said 'no' Ethan." No, actually, he didn't know why she had said 'no'.
And so angrily too.
"You got scared." He whispered.
He wished that was really the reason, but he knew there was more to it.
"I had Ariel to worry about." He let out a sigh at her response.
He hated it when she used that excuse.
"Bullshit. She was ours to worry about together." They had made a deal after all. The girl was theirs, together. They would raise her, together. "You had no excuse Lea. You just didn't love me enough. Plain and simple as that."
"That's not true Ethan." He saw the tears in her eyes and part of him regretted that he was getting angry with her. She had been through so much since the accident. She had every right to turn down his proposal. "I loved you more than anything. You know that."
"Not enough to marry me?" But it still broke his heart when she had turned him down.
"I wasn't ready." She whispered.
"Would you ever have been ready?" At one point he had been willing to wait forever for her.
But then forever hadn't been enough and he had gotten tired of waiting.
They had fought constantly over the issue and eventually it just became too much for them.
They had dragged their daughter in the middle and they had turned each other into monsters.
It had only made sense for them to both walk away.
"Maybe." She shrugged her shoulders as she wiped at her eyes.
"So if we had stayed together," He reached out and ran his hand along her arm, "would you have ever said 'yes'?"
"Maybe." He sighed once more.
"Maybe wasn't enough." He had needed more of a promise than that.
He was ready to spend the rest of his life with her and Ariel.
He needed to know that she felt the same way.
"I know." He could hear the hurt in her voice and he closed his eyes as he leaned back against the pillow. "That's why we broke up isn't it?"
"You know it's not." He whispered.
"I wasn't gonna hold you back any more Ethan." He didn't understand her reasoning back then and he didn't understand it now. "You deserved better."
"I didn't want better. I wanted you." That was it. That was all he had wanted since they had met at that shitty dive bar downtown almost five years ago. "You and Ariel. You were my family. You still are."
"So is Rox." She had rather adamant that he not forget to include the other woman in his future.
"I love her Lea." And he did. He loved her so much it hurt. And every fiber of his being ached when he was away from her. "I… I can't…"
"I know Ethan." She ran her hand down his chest with a soft sigh before letting it drop to the bed. "You can't live without her."
"I can't." It had been so hard without her by his side. It was where she belonged. "I've been miserable these last two weeks. It's killing me."
"So I've heard." She said softly.
"From who?" He wondered who was going around telling Leanne these things.
He didn't really want her to have to worry about his relationship status.
It wasn't really her concern anymore.
"Your dad." He reopened his eyes and offered her a soft glare. "Ariel. Rox."
"They've been talking to you?" He didn't understand why everyone was getting involved in this.
"Ariel's been scared." She whispered.
"Of me?" He never wanted his daughter to grow up scared of him.
She had been through plenty of that when she was in foster care.
"For you." The tears returned to Leanne's eyes as she settled her hand on his leg this time. "She was worried you would take your own life."
"I… oh God." He couldn't believe that Ariel would think something like that. He would never do something to hurt her. "She must be so scared."
"She was. Still is." He hated the idea of the teen being scared for him. It was almost as bad as being scared of him. "She can't lose you Ethan. You mean everything to her."
"She means everything to me too." He whispered.
She was his whole world and he would do anything for her.
"She doesn't know about Robbie does she?" He snapped his eyes up at Leanne's question.
"No. Not unless someone else has told her." He had never felt like it was an appropriate time to bring up Robbie's death, especially considering the circumstances for which he took his own life. "I never felt comfortable talking to her about it. She's too young."
"She's more mature than you think Ethan." He knew that now.
"Maybe now." He knew the girl could handle the conversation now. That didn't mean he was ready for it though. "She's come a long way over the past year."
"She's strong." She was strong. The strongest kid he had ever met.
She had been through hell when she was in the system and he was surprised that she was as well rounded as she was.
"She reminds me of Robbie." And she did, in so many ways.
"Yeah. I can see that." Leanne smiled softly at him as she closed her eyes for a brief second.
"I'm sorry Lea. I'm sorry for everything." He whispered. "For pushing you, for pulling away. I'm sorry I screwed it all up."
"It's okay Ethan. I just wish you would have talked to me about everything." He wished he had talked to her too. She had always had his back and she had always been there for him. That had never stopped, even when they were fighting. "I could have helped. Ariel and I could have helped."
"I'm still sorry." And he was.
She had never deserved the shit that he had put her through.
"It's okay." She squeezed his hand as she offered him a smile.
"I love you Lea." It made his heart hurt to say those words but he needed to get that out there. He needed her to know that she meant everything to him. That he still cared about her. "I never stopped. And part of me will always love you."
"I know Ethan." Her voice was broken and he watched as a few tears rolled down her cheeks. "I love you too."
"Things could have been different." He wanted to reach his hand out and brush the tears away, but he kept himself in check.
It wasn't his place to do that. Not anymore.
She had Ed for that now.
And while their relationship was still a complete mystery to him, he was pretty certain that there was more to the sudden connection than them just being friends.
"Yeah, I know. But they aren't." They had tried to fix things once, but it just wasn't the same. They had both lost a certain amount of respect for each other and it had made things difficult to work through. "They are the way they are and we just have to roll with it."
"I'm glad that you're still here. That you didn't tell me to get lost." She would have had every right to kick him completely to the curb. She could have easily taken Ariel away from him too. "I don't know what I would have done if we weren't still friends. If I had lost Ariel…"
"I never would have taken her from you. Ever." She had told him that when they had broken up too and he had struggled to believe her for a while. "You're her father Ethan, in all the ways that matter most. I would never do that to either one of you."
"Thank you." He said softly.
"You're welcome." She squeezed his hand once more and he smiled back at her.
"So…" He raised an eyebrow as he asked the question he had been dying to get an answer to. "You and Ed huh?"
"Shut up Ethan." She swatted at his shoulder with her right hand and he chuckled.
So there was something going on there.
"How long has it been going on?" Not that it was any of his business, but he had been quite open with her about his relationship with Rox, so he figured it was only fair.
"Six months." She whispered as a blush crept over her cheeks.
He had been right on the money about that one then.
She had vanished for a weekend not to long before he and Rox had gone away to the mountains and he had Ariel all to himself for four days straight.
The teen had been more than thrilled and when she had told him that Leanne was going away with a 'friend' he had just laughed it off.
But now it all made sense.
"Figured as much." He smiled as he squeezed her hand. "You deserve to be happy Lea."
"Thank you." She squeezed his hand back as she returned his smile. "But if you tell anyone…"
"I know, I know," He chuckled, "you'll inject me with something in my sleep that no one will ever be able to find."
"Damn straight." She said with a smile.
"Thank you for everything Lea." He said quietly. "For talking to Rox, for helping her through this. For not giving up on me"
"She's a good woman Ethan." She replied as she pushed herself to stand. "She deserves the best. And so do you."
"Aw shucks." He felt a blush creep across his cheeks and Leanne let out a laugh.
"Go back to sleep Ethan." She pulled the covers up to his shoulders as she leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead.
"Yes ma'am." He mock saluted her and she rolled her eyes before making her way to the door.
"Get some rest." She whispered. "I'll be back in the morning."
"Goodnight Lea." He smiled at her as she pulled the door open and she returned it before stepping outside.
"Goodnight Ethan." She called back.
And the next thing he knew the room was silent again.
And he was all alone.
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