Someday I Will Understand Chapter 48:Tell Me U Luv Me, a glee fanfic

Chapter 48: Tell Me U Luv Me (Juice Wrld feat. Trippie Red)

Santana's POV

The abruptness of Marco's death had been weighing me down enough but to then find out that they were investigating it as a murder. Well that was tearing me apart.

Marco had raped and beaten me, gotten me hooked on drugs and coerced me into doing unspeakable things before forcing me into a marriage that I didn't want. I should hate him and on some level, I do but for him to go down like that when he was fighting demons of his own. It sucked.

I'd seen the shift in him and because I knew him better than anyone, I knew for sure that the shift had been real. He looked at Dani like she held all of his hopes and promises for a better life.

Seeing his progeny had changed him...but then he fell off the wagon...and got arrested...and now this?

Marco was many things but he was never suicidal...murder made sense.

Got a minute?-Santana

For you, I have a million.-Sugar

How is she?-Santana

Good. Safe.-Sugar

Am I?-Santana

Yes. I won't let anything happen to you, the kids, or your family.-Sugar

What did I do to deserve that?-Santana

You saw past my act and let me be myself.-Sugar

Oh and also, I'd miss your fine ass. ;)-Sugar

Thanks. I just left court, I'll be out of touch for awhile-Santana

I know. 120 days of rehab.-Sugar

How close are you watching?-Santana

Close enough.-Sugar

What about in there?-Santana

Yes.-Sugar

Good.-Santana

Daddy says stay clean.-Sugar

Will do.-Santana

Erase this.-Sugar

Of course.-Santana

"Are you listening to me?" Mami asked and I looked up, realizing that we were parked outside of my house.

"Yes?"

"We will get the family together tomorrow, here for lunch before I take you to rehab. I think it would be good if you and Brittany had some alone time."

I looked at the back seat and it was empty.

"Wh-Where is B?"

"You really weren't paying attention, mi'ja. Are you sober now?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Yes."

"She will be back out with the baby bag and some milk, I'm taking Daniela to Sandra's for the night."

"Oh."

I sat there biting my lip as I waited for Britt to come out, the tears were all dried up thankfully. My boobs though, were leaking into the nursing pads...it was overtime for a feeding but there wasn't a chance of that.

Mami took my hand and squeezed it tight until we were looking at each other.

"I have good news." She said.

"Okay."

"Your friend, Enda. Evelyn was able to get her a lighter sentence for self-defense. They are recognizing time served. She will be out in 9 months."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Th-That's great news."

"I'm glad you think so, mi'ja."

Britt came back outside with Ari right behind her, a duffel bag over her shoulder.

Ari pulled open the passenger door and leaned in.

"Hi Titi, do you think I could come?"

"Sure! I could use help with the kids, Sandra tends to let them loose when I'm around."

"Thanks, I want to give these two space." Then Ari looked at me. "This is for you." She shoved a marble black box at me. Engraved on the front was Marco's name. "I'm sorry about this morning, even I have dumb moments."

I pulled her in for a hug, the urn between us, much like Marco always was. How fitting.

"Thanks." I said and then leaned in and kissed her cheek, lingering there for a moment and then, finally the tears came as I dropped my head to her shoulder.

Mami was rubbing my shoulder as I sobbed against Ari until the baby began to whine in the back seat.

When I pulled away, I turned to Mami, my breasts aching so bad.

"Can I fe-feed her before you go?"

Mami looked restless but she couldn't deny me this.

Britt unstrapped the baby and changed her diaper on the backseat before bringing her to the front and shoving a bottle into my free hand.

Daniela looked up at me with a red face and tears in her eyes. I wished that I could provide that skin to skin for her right then but it was useless.

I pressed the bottle to her lips and she glared at me as she drank, like I was giving her subpar milk.

But at least this was still breastmilk that I had pumped before everything went to shit. I had been pumping so much that she'd be able to still get my milk for a little while.

The rest of the world faded as I sang to her, trying to calm her down again.

And ten minutes later when she was all fed and looking milk drunk, Britt lifted her from my arms and burped her.

"Let Ari sit there." She said to me sternly. Had I done something wrong?

I unstrapped my seatbelt and then pulled myself onto the sidewalk. My back had been aching since Quinn had let me ride her face the day before. She'd dug her nails into my lower back and left scratches there.

The memory just made me want to hug her and tell her it was going to be okay, that she'd still get her happy ending with or without me.

And I also wanted to reassure her that her scholarship was safe, no matter what that money couldn't be touched by anyone other than me and Sal.

Britt was quick to strap the baby back in and then shut the door. She put her arm over my shoulder and we stood there watching Mami pull away.

In one day, I had sent both of my children away and I hated every second of it.

"If you don't get clean, this could be your future. Is that what you want?" Britt said coldly.

I pulled away from her and turned towards the house but her hand was like a vice around my wrist. I knew from past experience that if I pulled away it would hurt more so I just stood there looking at her.

"No, B. I don't."

"Who were you texting in the car?"

I had Marco's urn tucked under my arm and shook my head at her.

"D-Don't be him." I said and she loosened her grip enough for me to pull away. "Just ask wi-without pain."

I turned away again and made my way up the front steps...with her hovering just behind me.

Once we were inside, I placed Marco on one of the empty bookshelves and then made my way to the guest room to grab my rosary.

It was high time that I got my ass to the church, I needed penance and confession badly.

And I knew she'd follow but I didn't have time for that control shit right then.

My time was limited.

I shuffled through the nightstand until I found it...Ian's rosary. Green and silver, long and shiny. I lifted it and let the beads slide between my fingers as I put it over my head and tucked it under my shirt.

When I turned around, Britt was sitting on the bed waiting.

"Are we ok?" I asked her as I felt the brush of the crucifix against my stomach.

"Why is it okay for Quinn to spank you but I so much as get a little rough and you compare me to Marco?"

"Is that w-what this is? You jealous?"

She shrugged and looked at me coldly.

"Maybe."

"Do you w-want to spank me?"

"I might."

"T-there are rules, B."

"Who made these rules?"

"I did. Q never did it in an-anger. You are angry."

"Well I'm not Quinn."

"Exactly."

I went to walk past her, this time walking just out of her reach as I left the room but then I froze when I heard her sobs coming from behind me.

There's nothing I hate more than making Britt cry, that's why I turned back...we were alone and this was the last night we'd be together for months.

I couldn't shut her out...not yet.

In a perfect world, I would have gone back in there and stripped for her but I had more pressing needs and she was just going to have to understand. I made my way into the kitchen and sat in breakfast nook.

My pump was sitting there still plugged in, I stripped out of my shirt and bra, then hooked the cups up to my breasts.

The relief wasn't as immediate as I would have liked, my nipples were sore but I knew that once they milk was all out, I'd be able to think straight again.

I heard Britt's footsteps and then the door swung open. The anger on her face faded and she just sat across from me.

"Are you hurting?"

"Yeah."

"I forget sometimes, I'm sorry."

"It's okay." I sighed.

I closed my eyes and rested my head back.

The buzzing of the machine and the sound of rain blended together as I drifted.

Maybe I had gotten the most sleep the night before but that didn't mean that my body wasn't still tired from a multitude of things.

Hormones...recovering from heart surgery...seizures...giving birth...and learning to think, walk, and remember like I'd like.

On top of that there was Abuela, Court, Brenda, and Marco all dying.

She worried about not being able to spank me, while I was worried about much more.

The machine buzzed and I jerked awake.

Britt was gone and then I heard her footsteps and saw her walking towards me with a plate and glass.

More food.

Great.

Watching Britt pour out the milk that I had worked so hard to pump brought tears to my eyes.

But I didn't want to hear her mouth, so I picked at my sandwich, tearing the crusts off angrily before biting into it without tearing it apart further like I usually did. She slid into the booth across from me with a sandwich of her own and began to pray.

I scoffed at the sight and then rolled my eyes when she looked up at me.

"No n-need to pretend." I whispered.

"I converted and got baptized, I may not understand it all but I do very much believe now."

"Sure." I muttered before continuing to chew each bite of the sandwich about 50 times before swallowing.

Being a rexy was the last thing I wanted but I could feel it coming...the need to control anything that I could, which always meant food.

My mind and my heart were at war in that moment. My body had even joined the fight...we wanted her, to fuck her...to hear her moan and scream but at same time, I just wanted to find a way to knock her out so that I could finish what I had started.

I'd been honest. I spent $1,000 on drugs but they seemed to think that meant one bag. The one person that knew the questions to ask was exiled...Quinn would have called me out but she wasn't here.

And a big part of me wished that she was.

Right then I didn't give a fuck about Britt's feelings. She'd called me a whore...again so fuck her.

Hey?-San

I stared down at the dots popping up and then going away...over and over until finally she responded.

Hi, S.-Q

I want to see you.-San

Not a good idea!-Q

I felt her eyes on me from across the table as she ate but I didn't care.

Please?-San

My phone chimed then, with a video chat. That's all she was willing to give.

And when she answered, I was expecting to see my same old friend but the ghoul looking back at me was pale and her eyes were bloodshot.

"Does Britt know that you're talking to me?" She asked her voice hoarse.

I flipped the screen to Britt's hunched shoulders and as she looked at us with sad eyes.

"Just...we di-didn't talk after." I said and I swear B was going to turn purple.

"What's there to talk about. I fucked up and crossed a line. Everyone hates me and I deserve it."

"I st-started it." I said, admitting that in front of B felt like I was stabbing her.

"And I didn't stop you."

Then she was examining my face and leaning in closer.

"Should I be worried, Santana?" Full name.

I was about to be honest but then Britt was snatching my phone away and staring down Quinn.

"I know what that means now, still you are asking her that fucking question?"

Quinn sighed.

"Someone has to. Have you asked her...if you should be worried?"

"No."

"Ask her, B...make her fucking tell you the whole truth to that question. I need to go...I think it's best if you two don't call me anymore."

The line ended and I held my hand out for my phone.

But B was clutching it and staring at me.

"The whole truth?" I shrugged. "Damnit...please?" She whined.

I lied.

God I didn't want to but the way she was looking at me...fuck, it was so painful.

"Suicidal...if...I am." I said.

"Are you?"

"No."

She put the phone down and then wiped her tears away, "What do you need from me? I'll do anything, Santana, please? I can't lose you."

"Do you love me?" I asked her and she looked so confused.

"Of course, yes. I love you."

"Do you re-remember the first time we were h-here?"

"You mean when you broke up with me and I spent days fucking you, so you'd change your mind?"

"Yes."

"Of course."

"Wh-When I go. I need you to go out and explore."

"What?!"

"I'm no good for you, B."

"Says who?"

"Says me."

Brittany's POV

I have never been so confused in my life. She was so back and forth, there was something that she wasn't saying and I knew that I was going to have to suck it up and call Quinn back.

Even though she said that we shouldn't talk, there was a reason that we were a trinity.

So while Ana washed the dishes, I sat there and called.

"You know for someone who wanted me to leave your house, you can't help but call me can you?"

"Where are you?"

"I'm on campus."

"Can you come home?"

"Home?"

"Quinn, please...we need you."

"Fuck you. I'm not coming back there, Brittany."

"Fuck me? Really?"

"And this is why I'm not coming back. What is it, B, she didn't tell you the truth, did she?"

"I don't know."

"Where is she now?"

"Washing dishes."

"I'm just going to be straight with you, okay, she's got more drugs. I'm sure of it. Knowing her, she'll pick a fight or try to push you away so she can get high."

"But..." I dropped my voice because Ana was stiff. "She got sentenced to 120 days of rehab."

"Even more reason for her to finish her stash. The look she had yesterday after...we...you know...is the same look that is on her face now."

"Are you sure, you don't want to come home?"

"Positive. Puck has Beth full time now. I get to see her and tuck her in, B. I get to take care of my own kid for once and I'm not passing that up to play referee. You got the girl...act like it."

"Okay...hey...tomorrow we are having a send-off lunch. You should come and bring Beth?"

"I'll think about it. What time is she leaving?"

"5."

"Okay. I'm gonna go, B. Good luck."

"W-Want to come to mass with me, B?" Ana asked as she turned around, drying her hands on a towel.

I was surprised by her words, she looked nervous. I glanced at the clock, it was only four.

"That's in two hours."

"I know."

"What do you want to do in the meantime?"

"Sex?" She shrugged.

"Or you could tell me where the rest is." I said, not being able to hold back.

I was waiting for her to explode but she just shrugged.

"D-Don't have anymore."

"You don't?"

"No." She was looking me in my eyes now, walking closer swaying her hips and trying to seduce me.

"Strip." I said to her and she hesitated. Her facade fell but she, slowly stepped out of her skirt and panties, letting them pool at her feet as she pulled her shirt back off. She wasn't wearing a bra.

"Anything else?" She asked.

"Tell me the rules."

She got pale.

"Rules?"

"Please?"

She pulled out a chair and I looked at her.

"Wait...is this where she did it?"

"Yes."

"So it wasn't even part of sex?"

"No."

I rubbed my temples and tried not to get mad because that wasn't going to fix anything.

"So she spanked you in here...then time went by and you fucked in our bed?"

"Yes but...only one of th-those things is ch-cheating."

"Anytime that you are naked in front of another person and I'm not there, aside from like family and doctors, it's cheating."

"Oh."

"I can't do this. Let's just go to bed."

"B...please...I need this. I n-never want another woman to kn-know me more than you."

"Too late for that. Ari and Quinn and Carmen all know things I don't."

"I c-could say the same for Francis!" She snapped.

"What are we doing? We should be upstairs sharing sweet lady kisses and having sex. Not fighting."

"Fine." She picked up her clothes and left me sitting there.

And as much as I wanted to follow, I didn't because she was going to do it someway, somehow and I just didn't have the energy to fight her.

Santana's POV

I climbed the stairs butt naked, clutching my clothes as I made my way towards the one place that could make me numb.

Fuck her.

I couldn't keep making myself vulnerable only for her to snap at me.

She needed to move on.

I dug into my jacket pocket and pulled out the pure coke, I wasn't going to try that speedball shit again.

And even though I heard her on the stairs, I spilled the powder onto the glass top of the vanity.

I heard the room door open, as I used my credit card to separate just two small lines. I didn't even want to go crazy and take it all, I just needed something to take the edge off.

When I finished making the lines, I looked into the vanity mirror and there she was, standing there watching.

"Not gonna stop me?" I asked her.

"No."

"No?"

"I'd rather see you and know you're okay then for you to wait until I'm asleep tonight."

"B..." But I had nothing to say, what could I say?

"Just know that if you do it, this time it's me that's calling it quits. I can't let you fuck me around. So you taking that is telling me that, you love those drugs more than me."

"I'm sorry." I said and she nodded.

"It's fine...I still want the rules. I'm not doing it where she did it but you are going to give me that part of you...today."

My mouth went dry and the heat between my legs was becoming wetter.

The idea of Britt spanking me...well truthfully it turned me on.

I turned from her and looked down at the lines.

"Fuck it."

She pulled me from my chair after I snorted both lines, and turned the chair around and sat down.

"What next?" She asked and I realized what she planned to do right here...with my body buzzing.

I looked at the vanity.

"Brush or hand."

"Okay, for how long?"

"Um...until I am y-yellow."

"Then what?"

I shrugged because Q and I usually just parted ways after but I didn't want that with B.

"You t-take care of me. Q n-never did. I w-want to be c-cared for after."

"Oh, okay, so maybe after we can take a bath?" She seemed way too excited for someone who had just watched me snort coke.

"Yes."

She picked up my flat back brush and patted her leg.

I went to lay over them but then she grabbed my chin and crashed her lips on mine.

Of course, my horny ass was moaning into the kiss, not wanting it to stop but then I yelped when she swatted my ass.

"Don't distract me."

"S-Sorry."

She began slow, rubbing my ass and then dipping her fingers between my legs and tracing her fingers through my wetness.

"Wow, baby. You get this excited for her?"

"Never."

"Good girl." She purred and then she warmed up my ass. I gripped her leg and buried my face against her sweatpants.

I was near tears but then she was running her fingers through my wetness again and I groaned.

"Fuck." I whimpered.

"You're soaked now."

"Only for you, B." I whispered.

"Color?"

"Green."

And then she was back to work, slapping the brush down up and down my ass cheeks, never too hard but just enough to sting.

But then the dam broke and I was weeping.

"Color?"

"Yellow." I whispered and then she was rubbing my ass with her hand.

"Open your legs, baby."

The moment my legs opened more she was burying her fingers in me, while still rubbing the sting out of my ass.

"Yesssss." I hissed as I moved my hips towards her fingers.

"Only I get to see you like this from now on...even if we separate. Promise me."

"I pr-promise!"

"Good." I came hard against her leg, squirting her hand and she chuckled. Then she gave my ass a little swat. "Bath Time."

Santana's POV

When I came down fully, it was in a sea of bubbles with Britt sitting outside the tub just watching me.

"Get in." I begged.

"How much is there?" She asked and I held up soapy hands, knocked off the two baggies yesterday and half of one today.

I held up my one hand with three fingers.

"Plus a half." I said, so proud of myself.

"Is all of it coke?"

"No, had two sp-eedballs. Took one but I d-didn't like it. Th-Think I can get my money back?"

"I don't know the return policy of drugs but I'm pretty sure it's a no, baby."

I pouted and then went back to making her rubby ducky speed around the tub while making motor boat sounds.

"C-Can I have more?" I asked her.

"You're seriously asking me?"

I nodded.

"Yes."

"Be honest, if I say no, will you just try to find a way to get more?"

I tilted my head and then nodded.

"Probably."

"Then I guess you should finish what you started then but I'm taking the other three bags."

"But-" She held up her hand, dropping two fingers...then a third...I wiped the tears that were coming down and nodded. "Okay."

"Get out and come do it now before I change my mind."

I nearly bust my ass climbing out of the tub, then I followed behind her leaving puddles in my wake.

The fact that she was allowing me the rest was insane.

But Britt always had her reasons.

This time she stood even closer as I dried my hands before pouring out the remainder of the baggie.

I got two and a half lines out of it.

Score.

I didn't look at Britt this time but then I didn't have to, because her hand was on my sore ass squeezing.

And I snorted, as fast as I could before standing up and throwing my head back.

The headrush was instantaneous and then I felt the trickle.

I looked in the mirror and saw the blood dripping down my face.

Britt was eyeing me too.

"Let's go finish that bath."

I was too horny to argue.

Britt got in the tub first and then helped me in, waiting until I was sitting between her legs to wrap her arms around me.

I scooped up some water and wiped my face with it.

While I was distracted, her fingers traveled until they were pressing into me hard.