Title: London
Author: SneetchesToo
Rating: Teen
Pairing: Ethan/Rox
Summary: Ethan knew that his job was important. He knew that where the Army sent him, he would always go. But dammit if it wasn't hard being away from the love of his life.
Author's Note: Because, yeah know, I can't help myself with the angst.
—
Ethan had known the second his phone had rung early one Saturday morning that all hell was about to break lose.
He didn't know why he knew it, but he did.
And he had answered the phone with bated breath.
And he had regretted it almost immediately.
"Who was that?" Rox's soft voice broke through the stillness of the bedroom and he let out a sigh.
He wasn't prepared for this conversation.
Not now. Not ever.
"My CO." He whispered.
Rox blinked a few times before pushing herself into a sitting position in the bed.
"Is everything okay?" She sounded like she already knew the answer to her question.
"I have to go to London." He closed his eyes as he ran his fingers through his hair.
He couldn't believe this was happening.
Things had been going so well.
He and Rox were so happy.
Ariel was doing well in school.
His dad was as involved as ever.
He couldn't imagine having to leave this all behind.
"For how long?" She blinked her eyes a few times and he could see her fighting off the tears.
"Two months." He let out a sigh as he moved toward the bed slowly. "I'd be back the last week in June."
"Oh." She let her head fall forward as she swallowed and he felt his heart break in his chest.
"I'm sorry Rox." He dropped to the bed beside her, his hands going out to cup her cheeks against his palms.
He could feel her tears against his skin and he choked back a sob.
He knew that she would struggle with such a long separation.
He knew that she would be lost without him.
"It's okay." She whispered.
"No. No it's not." He pulled her forward some, his hands lifting her head so that he could look into her eyes.
All that stared back at him was fear and sadness and heart break and he didn't know what to do with it.
"I'll be okay." He didn't know who she was trying to convince, but it wasn't working on either one of them.
She didn't reply with words, instead choosing to simply shake her head back and forth at his words.
"I don't wanna go." He leaned his forehead against hers as tears formed in his own eyes.
He couldn't imagine being away from her for so long.
Two months without her hugs and kisses.
Two months without being able to make love to her.
Two months of falling asleep without her in his arms.
He didn't want to do this. He wanted to ignore his orders. Consequences be damned.
"I know." She reached out for him then, her arms wrapping tightly around his neck as she buried her face against his shoulder.
"I love you Roxy." He whispered against her hair. He hadn't called her that in a while and he heard her let out a sob at his use of her nickname. "I love you so goddamn much."
"I love you too." She sobbed against his shirt.
He couldn't believe this was actually happening.
Sure, he knew in the back of his mind that this was always a possibility, but he had never actually come to terms with it.
He couldn't imagine being away from her and Ariel for so long.
It was surely going to kill him.
—
He had only been given a week to get his affairs in order before he left and it had flown by faster than he had expected.
Ariel had been away on a school trip and wasn't due back until the day before he left and he felt like his whole world was falling apart.
He didn't know how to tell his little girl that he was going to be gone for two whole months.
He was thankful that it wasn't to a war zone or any place of danger, but he knew it would break her all the same.
He waited at Leanne's house for Ariel to be dropped off and he could tell the instant that she got out of the car that she knew something was up.
"Hey kid." He called softly as she grabbed her bag from the back of her friend's mom's car.
"Hi." She whispered as she walked past him.
He let out a sigh.
Leanne must have told her.
"You know don't you?" He asked as he stopped behind her on the porch.
"You're leaving." Was all she said as she pushed her way inside, her long legs carrying her up the stairs without another word.
He followed her with a huff, his eyes filling with tears as she slammed her bedroom door shut behind her.
"Ariel!" He knocked gently on the door but she didn't budge.
And when he tried the handle the door was locked.
He let out a sigh.
They had a very strict 'no locks' policy.
"Ariel Jane!" He knew using her first and middle name would piss her off, probably just enough to make her open the door for him. "You know better than to lock that door!"
"Go away!" She hollered back.
He let out a sigh as he felt his shoulders sink.
He hated doing this to her but he refused to leave without a proper goodbye.
"Ariel please…" He pressed his forehead against the wood as he pleaded with her. "I leave in the morning and I really, really want to say 'goodbye' before I go."
"Fine." He heard her throw something to the floor. "Goodbye!"
"Ariel…" He felt a tear roll down his cheek as he begged her to let him in. "I'm not leaving until you open this door."
She let out a sigh on the other side and he heard her feet against the hardwood as she walked to the door and opened it slowly.
"What?" She huffed out.
"Please talk to me." He whispered.
"There's nothing to talk about." She said quietly.
He could see the tears in her eyes and it broke his heart.
"There's plenty to talk about." He just wanted her to let him in.
She had been pushing him away the last few weeks and he hated it.
He knew she had a lot on her plate, and Rox moving in last month had created a barrier between them that he hadn't seen coming.
"You're leaving. You don't give a damn about me, or mom, and you're leaving." She crossed her arms over her chest as she stared at him sternly. "End of story."
"Now that's not true and you know it." He said softly.
He didn't realize that she would take this so personally.
They had talked about him being in the military once or twice and he had warned her that there was a very small chance that he could one day get the call to leave again.
"Yes it is." She whispered. "I bet Rox is going with you."
"No Ariel, she isn't." He had a sneaky feeling that her attitude about his and Rox's budding relationship had something to do with this. "I'm going alone. Rox is staying here and she's just as broken up about this as you."
"Yeah right." She spat back. "She isn't losing her father, again."
"Ariel." He let out a sigh as he leaned against the door frame. "You're not losing me. I'm going to London, for two months, that's it. I'll be back in June."
"Whatever." She rolled her eyes as she moved back into her room. "Have a safe trip."
"Please honey…" And then she was shutting the door behind her forcefully.
He heard the stereo cut on and he knew that he had officially lost her.
Once the music started playing that was it.
She was gone.
—
Ethan had said a tearful goodbye to his co-workers that night after they had gathered for dinner to send him off.
And he had hugged Emo tightly after dropping her off at her place.
And then he had taken Rox home and they had spent the night making love, their naked bodies tangled together under the bedsheets as he reminded her over and over again how much he loved her and how much he was going to miss her while he was gone.
The following morning Rox and his dad had driven him to the airport and hugged him goodbye.
And he waved sadly back at them as he made his way through the crowd and toward his plane.
He had done his best to keep his tears at bay, but once the plane had left the runway he was a lost cause.
He had texted Rox to let her know that he was safe once he had made it to the flat that he would be staying in for the next eight weeks.
And when he fell into bed that night to sleep all he could think about was her and how badly he wished she was there with him.
—
The first few days had been a complete whirlwind and he had barely had time to think for himself, much less to communicate with his family and friends back home.
And after the first twenty-four hours were spent at a hospital a few blocks from the palace itself, he had been put on a plane and shipped off to a small hospital in Israel.
It wasn't what he had bargained for, but duty called and he went where it told him too.
Once he had finally gotten settled and had the chance to reach out he had sat down and written out his letters to his family and friends.
He was reminded of being back in the Middle East a decade or so ago, when writing letters was his only form of communication.
Now it just felt strange and other worldly.
But he wasn't allowed to use his cell-phone while in country and there was no internet connection for the next fifty miles.
So that left him only one option.
Handwritten letters.
He knew that Ariel would probably find the process archaic, but she was his first one nonetheless.
Ariel Jane,
I hope you're doing okay kiddo. I miss you terribly.
I'm spending some time in Israel, doing a little outreach and it's actually a rather beautiful place. I know you've always wanted to visit here so I got permission to send a few pictures that I took. I promise we'll come back together someday and see the nicer parts of the country.
I hope school's going okay for you and you're not studying too hard for those exams coming up. I know you'll do great though and I hope you get through them unscathed.
I love you so much and I think about you constantly. I'm sorry that things ended the way they did between us before I left but I promise you that I never meant for things to go that way.
I can't wait to see you again. Please take care of your mom for me. And if you wouldn't mind, stopping in to check on Rox every now and then, I know she'd really appreciate it.
Love,
Dad
He had gently folded up the few pictures that he had taken and gotten printed off into the envelop and he sealed it slowly, his heart racing in his chest as he dropped it onto the desk.
He wished more than anything that he could just pick up the phone and call the girl. He missed her so much it hurt.
—
The following night he had sat down and drafted about nine different letters to Rox before finally settling on one that said what he needed to say without making him sound like a love drunk college kid.
Roxane,
I hope you're doing okay and that you're not fairing to poorly without me there. I know this is hard on you and I hate that I'm away from you for so long.
I've done a lot of thinking while I've been over here (even though it's only been a week) and I've come to the conclusion that I am so hopelessly in love with you and I don't know what to do about it. I can't stop thinking about you and I'm terribly distracted from my work because all I want to do is get on a plane and fly back home to you. I need you in my arms now more than ever and it's killing me that we're apart.
You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. Ever. And I can't imagine my life without you in it. I know these past few months have been crazy for us, but I want you to know that I can't do this without you and I never want to try.
I know the idea still terrifies you, but I want to get married. I want to make you my wife and grow old with you by my side. I need you to know that my ultimate goal in all of this is to walk down the aisle and say 'I do' with you by my side. I know it may still be a few years off, but it's what I want more than anything.
I miss you. A lot. I dream about you every night and I think about you and wonder what you're doing. I walk around in a daze. My roommate thinks I'm crazy but I just told him that I'm in love and that's my excuse. He just laughed it off but I think he understands.
I should be back in London in a few weeks and I promise I'll call as soon as I land.
I love you more today than I did yesterday.
And I'll love you more tomorrow than I do right now.
Yours always,
Ethan
He had tried to rid the paper of the stains left by his tears but he failed miserably.
He hoped that Rox wouldn't notice.
Or that, if she did, she didn't mind.
—
He had dropped both letters, along with a postcard to Leanne and one to his dad, into the mail the following morning.
And then he had waited.
Waited for a response which he knew would take weeks to come.
And he hated it.
—
He had returned to London two weeks later and he had still yet to hear from either one of his girls and it was breaking his heart.
But when he had entered his flat and found the stack of mail his neighbor had so graciously brought in for him, his heart had swelled.
There on top of the pile was a letter from Rox.
And right below it, one from Ariel.
He guessed that maybe the Army figured he would be back here sooner, rather than later, and therefore they didn't need to forward his mail to him in Israel.
Tearing open the letter from Rox he felt his heart seize up in his chest at her beautiful handwriting.
Ethan,
I'm managing the best I can. The house is eerily quiet without you and it makes it hard to sleep at night. I've started turning the TV on just to help with the silence. Your dad comes over every few days or so and we have dinner together. It's nice to have a reminder of you here with me.
I'm glad to hear that you're hopelessly in love with me, I guess it's my charming personality and stunning good looks huh? I know I shouldn't joke at a time like this, but I can't help it. I hide behind my humor, you used to think that was cute. I think about you all the time too and I couldn't tell you how many ride-along partners I've gone through because none of them are as good as you. I can't stand working with others. I wish I could be in your arms more than you can imagine. It hurts being away from you like this.
Don't worry, if I have any say in it you won't have to ever live without me in your life. You're my best-friend Ethan and I know that I couldn't do this alone. Nor do I want to try.
The idea is downright terrifying, so how dare you bring it up! But I am slowly warming up to the idea of being Mrs. Ethan Willis. It still scares me sometimes, that you could be so in love with me that you'd be willing to take such a chance on me. But if it's what you want than I'm game. Someday, Ethan, I promise, someday.
I miss you too love. I dream about you a lot too. Mostly naughty ones ;) Emo tries to keep me sane but sometimes she just makes it worse. She keeps asking if we're gonna get married when you come home. If we're gonna buy a bigger house and have a baby and all these things that I have absolutely no answers for. I wish you were here to combat her curiosity.
You'd better call soon because I need to hear your voice. I miss it.
I love you more today than I did yesterday. And I'll love you more tomorrow than I do right now.
Yours forever,
Roxane
Ethan had felt like he was going to combust at her words.
He couldn't believe that she was finally on board with the idea of getting married, someday.
Grabbing his cellphone from his back pocket he dialed her number quicker than he thought possible.
Time zones be damned, he needed to talk to his girl and he needed to talk to her now.
—
The following morning he had finally gotten over his excitement at reading Rox's words and he had opened the rest of his mail.
He had let out a sigh as he read Ariel's letter to him and he felt a few tears spring to his eyes at the teen's words.
Dad,
I'm hanging in there. I've been better, but I'm trying.
I miss you terribly too.
It sucks going from having you so close for so long to, well, not.
I'm jealous that you're getting to see Israel up close and personal, it's always been a dream of mine to do just that. I hope you're being safe while you're there and that you aren't getting yourself into any trouble. Lord knows mom would flip if you did. I loved the pictures that you sent and I can't wait to see it myself. I hope we can go back someday, I'd love to be able to share that with you.
School's going great. I have two weeks left of classes, but one of those weeks is purely exams, so I'm excited about that. I can't wait for summer to get here. I found out yesterday that I got into that summer program at UCLA that I applied for at the beginning of the year. I can't believe it but I'm excited. I'll actually get to stay on campus, in a real dorm room, and I'll be taking real college classes. It's only for a month though, so I'll be back home at mom's by the time you come home. But they are having a parent's reception at the end of June and I hope that you're home in time to come to it. Even though I haven't settled on it being my school, I like that it's close to home ;)
I'm sorry that things ended the way they did too. I shouldn't have shut you out like that. You deserved a proper goodbye and I'm sorry that I took that from you. I love you and I hate it when we fight. It isn't fair.
I promise I'm taking care of mom for you. She misses you terribly even though I know she won't come right out and say it. She's still hurting from the brunt of everything and I know she thinks that it isn't her place to reach out to you. I went by and saw Rox on Saturday, we had lunch and talked, mostly about school, but it was still nice. I'm gonna try real hard to let her in dad, I promise. I know how much she means to you and I don't want to risk losing you because I was too afraid to be a little open minded.
Love,
Ariel Jane
He had never felt more proud of his little girl in that moment.
He knew she had it in her to get herself together, she just needed the love and support that he and Leanne had to offer.
He was thankful that she had gotten together with Rox too.
He knew that she appreciated the effort from the teen even if she wouldn't say it.
He had sighed to himself as he did the math in his head and when he calculated that it was a little before 7:00pm back home he had taken a chance and dialed the teen's number from his phone quickly.
He wanted to talk to her just as badly as he had wanted to talk to Rox the day before.
—
He had chatted with the teen for almost an hour before she had excused herself to go finish her homework, the phone somehow magically falling into her mother's possession.
And all of a sudden Ethan felt like a teenager again, nervous about what to say to a girl on the other end of the phone.
"Ethan…" Leanne's voice was soft and he felt his heart flutter.
He had missed her too while he had been gone.
Things may have been rocky between them lately, but she was still his best-friend, and being without her was just as hard as being without his girlfriend, and his daughter.
"Hey." He whispered.
He didn't know what to say to her.
The last time they had talked it had ended in a fight and she had slammed the door in his face.
"Hey." She whispered back. "How are you?"
"I'm…" He didn't know what to say. He was fine, but he felt like those words didn't do justice to the situation. "I'm okay."
"That's good." She sounded genuinely happy for him so he guessed that was a plus.
"How are you?" He asked softly.
"I'm good." He was glad to hear that.
"Good." He felt like an idiot.
This conversation was going nowhere and Ariel had to have known that this would be a bad idea.
"This is awkward." She whispered on the other end of the line.
"Yeah." He sighed out. "It is."
"Let's talk about something we can both be happy about." She said quietly.
"Okay." He replied back as he sank down into the recliner in his living room.
"I assume Ariel told you all about UCLA?" Her question was soft, but he could hear the pride in her voice.
He knew that she was proud of the girl too.
They had been through so much together and she just wanted what was best for the teen.
"She did." He said excitedly. "I'm so proud of her."
And he was. His little girl was nothing but amazing.
"Me too." She said softly.
He could practically hear her smiling.
"She told me she gets to stay on campus." He was nervous about that part. Having his daughter living out on her own like that worried him.
"She does." Leanne's voice hitched slightly and he wondered if she had the same worries as him. "But we've been over the ground rules."
"No drinking?" The last thing he needed was a call from the local police that they had found his daughter intoxicated, again.
"No drinking." She replied.
"No drugs?" He knew that Ariel was a good girl, but even good girl's broke the rules occasionally.
"She's not stupid Ethan." He could tell that she was probably rolling her eyes at him.
"Just making sure she knows better." He said softly. "She's been doing so well, I don't want her to screw it up again."
"I don't think she well." She said quietly. "She's really excited about this Ethan. I mean it. I don't think we have to worry about her screwing this up."
"Good." He let out a sigh of relief at Leanne's words.
If she thought that this was the real deal then so did he.
"Did she tell you that she gets college credit for this?" She asked excitedly. "And a scholarship?"
"She mentioned the college credit, but not the scholarship." He was radiating with pride at this point. "What's up with that?"
"If she finishes the program in good standing, does well in her classes, doesn't screw up, so on and so forth, she's eligible for a scholarship to UCLA for her first semester there." The words leaving Leanne's mouth made his heart race.
A scholarship would come in handy if she was bound for somewhere like UCLA, which he had a feeling she was.
"Damn." He whispered. "So I'm guessing that means that UCLA is her top choice now?"
"It's between that and Stanford." Leanne whispered.
"Stanford? Wow." He never imagined her going somewhere like Stanford.
And not because she wasn't smart or wasn't capable, but because that just wasn't her style.
But this school year had started to change her and she had started to turn things around.
He guessed that maybe she was starting to see her future as a little brighter than she had before.
"Yeah." She chuckled softly before continuing. "Can you imagine? Stanford? Our Ariel?"
"Mind blown." He whispered.
"There's a summer intensive there too." She said calmly. "It's not until July, after the fourth, but she hasn't heard anything back from them yet."
"I'm sure she will." He couldn't imagine that they would turn her down.
"I miss you Ethan." Leanne whispered after a few minutes of silence.
"I miss you too Lea." He whispered back.
"No." She let out a soft sigh on the other end. "I… I really miss you."
"Oh." He felt a little piece of his heart flutter.
No matter how much he loved Rox, a tiny piece of him would always love Leanne.
She was his first real love.
She was the mother of his child.
She was his best-friend.
There was no one who could compare to her.
No matter how badly he wanted Rox to fill that tiny little void too.
"I know I screwed things up." He could hear her trying not to cry and it broke his heart. "I never meant for things to go so far."
"It's okay Leanne." He leaned his head back against the cushion as he closed his eyes. "We're both to blame here. We both fucked up."
"I…" She took a deep breath and he reopened his eyes, focusing them on the only picture he had in the apartment. "I know that you love Rox. I know that… I know that I can never have you back. I just…"
"Leanne." He whispered her name as he bit his lip. "Stop."
"I thought we were gonna make it." She sobbed out.
"I thought so too." He felt a shiver run through his body as he blinked back his tears.
They sat in silence for a few minutes, both of them breathing unevenly as they did their best to calm themselves.
"I should go." She whispered.
"Yeah." He whispered back.
"Please be safe." She said softly.
"I will." He was always safe. Especially now that he had so much to live for. "You do the same."
"I will. I promise." He heard her let out a sniffle and he wished that he was there to comfort her.
"I'll call again this weekend." He had already promised Ariel a call at the same time on Saturday.
"I'll be here." He hoped she was.
He hoped that they could get back to talking to each other again.
Just like they used too.
Back before things had gotten all muddled and confused.
"Goodbye Leanne." He whispered.
"Goodbye Ethan." She whispered back.
And then she was gone.
He closed his eyes as he brought his phone down to rest in his lap.
He hated distance more than anything.
Both literally and figuratively.
"God I can't wait to be home." He mumbled into the darkness of his apartment.
And he had never meant it more than he did in that very instance.
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