"One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi… four, five." Lola spoke softly through the Degrassi bathroom stall to Frankie and Shay. "Now what?" Lola opened her eyes with a heapful of hesitation, allowing her gaze to drop to the pregnancy test that rested between her shaky fingers. No results yet. Obviously.
"Lay the pregnancy test flat, I'll set the timer." Shay replied firmly.
Lola nodded and obliged, more than glad to set the test out of sight for a minute or two. Out of sight, out of mind. Staring at the test wasn't going to make the lines appear - or hopefully not appear - any faster.
Frankie spoke up, "Are you gonna tell the dad?"
Your brother? Lola thought, but didn't say. The fact that Lola couldn't even open up to her best friends about the circumstances that led up to her having to pee on a stick in the Degrassi girl's bathroom was proof enough that no matter the test's results, Lola being pregnant just wasn't an option. Not to mention the fact that her baby's father had a boyfriend…
"There is no dad because there is no baby." Lola responded succinctly, hoping to discourage her best friend from prying further. Part of her was also sort of hoping to speak her hopes into existence. Lola could not be pregnant. The universe just could not do that to her right now.
"What I meant to say was…" Frankie started, but Lola cut her off.
"I know. Can we talk about something else?" Lola asked, then tried to change the subject to celebrity gossip. Low hanging fruit, she knew, but she hoped her friends would humor her and play along for the next minute or two. Just long enough to get through the agonizing wait, then everything could go back to normal.
After a moment without hearing a response, Lola peered from the cracks in the bathroom stall to see Frankie and Shay, now standing closer to one another and whispering. Lola couldn't pick up every word they were saying from a few feet away, but a few select words clued her into what the girls were gossiping about: Lola. Of course.
The longer she sat waiting and stewing, the more Lola felt like the stall walls were closing in on her. "How much longer?" She shifted on the toilet seat uncomfortably. She knew that she wasn't technically confined, but there was something about this situation that made her feel like she needed a door of separation. Some sort of buffer, just in case she needed a moment to collect herself after reading the results that would soon reveal themselves.
"A minute." Shay replied loudly before retreating back to the private conversation with Frankie. This time accidentally loud enough for Lola to hear every word. "If that happened to me, I would die… if my parents didn't kill me first."
Lola knew her friends meant well, but their support and concern was coming across a whole lot more like judgment whether they intended it to or not. Lola changed the subject once again, this time asking about history projects for a moment in an attempt to distract and fill time. That topic got more traction than the earlier celebrity gossip quip, but the conversation still faded before the timer Shay had set had a chance to go off. Counting down once again, this time with zero patience or chill, Lola reached her antsy fingers behind her and snatched up the pregnancy test...
Positive. The test was positive. Something in Lola knew that was coming, but it still shocked her to her core to see the results in plain lettering.
Knowing her friends were on the other side of the stall door eagerly awaiting Lola's test results, Lola stepped out of the bathroom stall with as cool of a demeanor as she could pull together. All she needed to do was keep it together for a few minutes, then she could completely freak out.
"So… are we planning a baby shower?" Frankie asked, her face looking slightly twisted with a mix of concern and faux positivity.
"Most definitely not." Lola responded, trying to sound as decisive as she could. Frankie and Shay pulled Lola into a hug, instantly relieved and more than willing accepting Lola's answer as the truth. Lola wasn't technically lying. There was no way she could keep this baby alone, and alone seemed like her only option.
"I knew everything was going to be okay." Frankie assured her. If things were in fact actually okay, Lola thought, Frankie's words would probably be super comforting. However, the positive pregnancy test she concealed in her hand told an entirely different story. And if she didn't figure this out soon, her whole life was going to be telling a different story. One that she was in no way prepared for.
"We should get to class." Shay said with a smile on her face.
Frankie agreed, gathering her things from the bathroom sink.
"I just...I need a minute, okay?" Lola replied.
Her friends accepted that, clearly not detecting that Lola's problem was most definitely not solved. For once Lola was happy to be the blip off of everyone's radar. "Congrats on being not pregnant!" Frankie chirped on her way out, and Lola used every last bit of emotional energy she had to keep a smile on her face. Just until they left the bathroom, then she could lose the facade.
As soon as the bathroom door shut behind Frankie and Shay leaving Lola in the bathroom alone, the corners of Lola's eyes began to fill with tears. She held the positive pregnancy test to her face again. What was she going to do?