Title: What Ifs
Author: SneetchesToo
Rating: General
Pairing: Ethan/Rox
Summary: Ethan had a lot of what ifs, but he never imagined that he'd be discussing them with his daughter.
Author's Note: Just some adorable daddy/daughter love.
Ethan had been thrilled with being able to take the trip to Northern California with his girls.
And he had been even more thrilled when they had come home and were even closer than before.
After they had returned to LA he and Rox didn't talk much more about having a baby.
They had tried a few more times, but they hadn't really sat down and had a discussion about it like they originally planned.
Instead they had both jumped right back into work and Ariel had finished getting ready for her senior year of high school.
He was still struggling to accept the fact that his sweet little girl was about to start her last year of school and would be heading off to college this time next year.
She had been quietly tucked away in her room all morning, having locked herself in there before he left for his run and only exiting to grab herself a pop-tart around 10:00am.
Rox had just shaken her head and smiled and he wondered what the two were up too at this point.
She had pressed a kiss against his cheek before leaving for her shift and had told him not to worry.
And then she had been off, leaving him alone with the teen.
He had finally had enough of the silence and had headed toward her room just as his stomach let out a serious growl.
He was downright starving, his muffin having been consumed about 6.5 hours ago, and he wanted lunch.
Knocking on the girl's door he waited for a minute before trying the knob.
The door opened easily and he poked his head inside, catching sight of the girl slouched over her desk, pen in hand, ear buds in, her brow furrowed as she concentrated on whatever she was scribbling down.
He shook his head softly before retreating from the room and closing the door behind him.
He decided that he would just go ahead and order a pizza anyway, knowing the girl would likely leave her room for something covered in cheese and mushrooms.
After calling the pizza place and ordering a large pizza and some cheese bread, he pulled his phone out and shot the girl a text, knowing that she had to have her phone nearby.
I ordered a pizza. Should be here in 30. He hoped that she would at least have lunch with him before locking herself away again.
Thanks dad :) He shook his head at her response before plopping down on the couch and turning on the TV.
The pizza arrived exactly thirty minutes later and he sent the girl another text letting her know that it was in the kitchen when she got hungry.
She finally emerged from her room about ten minutes later, her bare feet soft against the hardwood as she grabbed a plate, piled it full of food, and grabbed a Coke from the fridge.
He expected her to retreat back into her room and shut the door once more, but instead she plopped down on the couch beside him and offered him a smile before taking a bite of her cheese bread.
"Thanks for lunch." She said around a bite of food. "I was starving."
He let out a laugh as he took her in, her hair pulled into a messy braid, one of his old Army hoodies hanging off her shoulders loosely, covering up her black running shorts slightly.
She looked comfortable at least, so he guessed that whatever she was slaving away on wasn't that horrible.
"No worries." He smiled back at her before taking a bite of his pizza and leaning back against the couch cushions. "Everything okay?"
She nodded her head as she chewed her bite of food, reaching up to wipe her hand across her mouth.
"Yeah." There was a slight twinkle in her eyes when she turned to him and he raised an eyebrow.
"Working on something serious I saw?" He was dying to know what it was.
"College applications." She whispered.
He swallowed as he felt his heart skip a beat.
He couldn't believe they had finally reached this point.
"Oh." He nodded his head as he offered her a small smile. "Anywhere good?"
They hadn't really talked much about her choice in schools and while he knew she had a few in mind, they hadn't sat down and had that much needed discussion.
"Stanford." She said softly, her head falling downward as she blinked her eyes real slow. "UCLA."
He knew those were on her list, she had done her summer intensives there after all.
And she had loved both of them, despite the other things that had happened she had seemed to really enjoy the classes and the professors at both schools.
"Good." He hoped she could get in somewhere good like that.
Although, he knew that she would.
She was smart, as smart as they came, and she was dedicated and hardworking now that she realized she was capable of having a future.
She had really grown the past year and a half and he was curious to see where things were headed for her.
"A few others…" She trailed off as she turned her attention away from him, her eyes focusing on the TV in front of them.
They had never talked about other schools.
In fact, she had never mentioned any other schools than the two she had already mentioned.
"Other schools?" He liked UCLA and Stanford because they were close.
She could live at home if she wanted, or at least be close by if she decided to stay on campus, either one were fine with him.
And she would get in-state tuition at either one of those schools, not that the money was a deterrent from allowing her to go wherever she wanted.
His dad had already agreed to pay for whatever school she choose as long as she maintained her grades and stayed out of trouble.
"Harvard." She whispered, her head falling down some. "UVA. Duke."
His heart stopped at her words.
Those schools weren't anywhere close to home.
"Oh." He didn't know what else to say, his mind becoming fuzzy at the prospect of his baby girl moving to the other side of the country.
"Stanford is still my top choice dad." She must have sense his distress because she put her plate on the end table and crawled across the couch toward him. "I just…"
"You like other schools too." He finished her sentence for her.
He understood completely how she felt.
Had he had had the opportunity he would have loved to have gone to a school like the ones she mentioned.
But the Army was his only way out and he went where they told him to go.
"You went to Harvard Med though right?" He nodded his head at her, his heart swelling at the fact that she remembered that.
"I did, after I graduated from West Point." He had been beyond shocked when he had actually gotten into Harvard, his record not having been the greatest.
But he had the training and the grades to back him up so his CO had told him that he was pretty much a shoe-in for one of the few spots open.
"Did you like it?" She looked at him hopefully and he could tell that she was looking for his blessing on these other schools.
"I loved it." He whispered. "It was a great experience."
She nodded her head as she returned back to her spot, grabbing her slice of pizza and taking another bite out of it.
They sat in silence and finished their food, both staring absently at the TV, both lost in their own thoughts.
When the girl was done she stood and carried her plate into the kitchen before disappearing down the hall and into her room.
Ethan let out a sigh, he was pretty certain that she was lost to him again.
But then she returned a minute later, a notebook and her iPad tucked under her arms, a small smile on her face as she moved toward the couch.
"I need some information from you and mom though." She whispered, dropping down to sit directly beside him.
"What's up?" He was glad she was including him in the process.
Although, he was pretty certain that she just needed his credit card number for the application fee at the end.
She handed him the notebook and a pen, gesturing for him to fill out the information on the paper in front of him.
He chuckled softly as he started scribbling down the information she was asking for.
After he was done he handed her the paper and smiled, watching as she pulled up a brochure on the screen for Pre-Med program at Stanford, a small smile on her face as she shoved the device in his direction.
"I'm pretty sure I've read this brochure about a hundred times Angel." He whispered.
He and Leanne both had poured through the information more times than he could count.
He had practically memorized it all.
"Really?" She offered him a raised eyebrow as she pulled the iPad back toward her.
"Your mom and I both have." He reached out and pushed a stray hair behind her ear. "Had to make sure it was good enough for you."
She let out a soft sigh as she hung her head and he could see the tears forming in her eyes.
"Angel," He cupped her cheek softly, lifting her head up so that he could meet her eyes, "what's wrong?"
He had a feeling that she was going to be full with some kind of longing that he couldn't give her.
"I just…" She sniffled as she wiped the sleeve of his hoodie against her eyes. "Sometimes I wish that you and mom were still together."
"I know baby." He hated that she had had to go through such a painful break-up along with them.
He would have given anything to spare her that kind of sorrow.
"She and Ed wanna have a baby." She whispered, her head falling back down as she turned to press her back against the cushions.
"I know." The only reason he knew was because he had overheard her telling Rox that, but he wasn't going to let her know that.
"And so do you and Rox." He couldn't tell if she was okay with that or not by the way her face kind of fell at the end.
"Yes we do babe." He hoped that it wouldn't cause issues, but he would totally understand if it did.
"How come you and mom never had a baby?" The question hit him right in the heart and he let out a shaky breath as he leaned back against the cushions.
They had never talked about what happened to Leanne.
He couldn't make words form in his throat and he swallowed as he let out a sigh.
"Dad?" She reached out and placed her hand on his thigh, her voice soft as she tried to get through to him. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing sweetie." He whispered.
He didn't know if he could bring himself to talk about this with her.
"Did something happen?" He turned to face her and his heart broke at the look in her eyes.
She knew something was up, she wasn't stupid.
"Look sweetie," He took a deep breath before locking his eyes on hers and continuing, "your mom, she was pregnant once."
His heart was racing in his chest just saying those words.
"When?" She asked softly.
"Not long before you came to stay with us." It had only been a few days after the teen arrived that Leanne had called him.
"What happened?" He could tell by the look in her eyes that she already knew answer.
"She lost the baby." He whispered.
Tears came to her eyes almost immediately and he reached out and wrapped his arms around her.
He knew that it would hit her hard too, no matter how much she tried to act like it wouldn't.
"I'm sorry daddy." She whispered back, her arms wrapping around his neck tightly. "I didn't know."
"It's okay." He pressed a kiss against her head, his hands rubbing her back softly. "We never told anyone."
"Is that…?" She took a deep breath as she sniffled, pulling away from him slowly. "Is that why you two started fighting so bad?"
"Yeah." He sighed out.
He couldn't believe that they had let themselves fall apart like that.
"I love you daddy." She whispered out of nowhere, her arms wrapping back around his neck as she clung to him.
"I love you too baby girl." He pressed another kiss to her head as he hugged her tightly to him.
He would never get over how lucky he was to have such a beautiful daughter to love.
They stayed that way for a few minutes, holding each other tightly, before she pulled back and wiped at her face.
"What else do you need for these applications?" He asked softly.
He wanted to change the subject and move on.
He wanted to talk about happy things and the bright future his daughter had ahead of her.
"I have to submit application fees for two of them." She said quietly.
"Which two?" He knew that she had had her fee waived for Stanford and UCLA after doing her intensives there but he wondered which other one was already covered.
"Harvard and Duke." He shook his head at her words.
"Why not UVA?" He was curious as to why she wasn't paying a fee for that one too.
"Ed paid for that one." She hung her head and he sighed.
He was slightly upset that she had talked to Ed about these things and not him.
"Oh." He said softly. "Okay."
"He went there." She offered him a soft smile as she lifted her head. "He wrote me a great reference and everything."
"So it's a contender?" He had nothing against the school, or it's school of medicine, but he was opposed to her living on the other side of the country.
"It's above Duke." She whispered.
"So rule Duke out." He sounded like such an ass when he said that he and instantly hated himself for it.
"You think?" But she didn't sound mad, she sounded relieved.
"Ariel, honey," He reached out and took her hands in his, smiling at her softly, "you're gonna get in to one of these great schools no matter which one is your favorite. Hell, you're probably gonna get into all of these schools. You don't need to apply to ones that you're not excited about."
She nodded her head and offered him a soft smile.
"Duke's out." She said as she chuckled.
"Okay." He nodded his head back at her, smiling back. "Duke's out."
"That leaves Harvard." Her voice was quiet as she offered him a look.
"I'll take care of Harvard." He squeezed her hands gently before pulling back and grabbing her iPad. "Now, show me their brochure."
"But you went there?" She looked confused and he laughed.
"Yeah, 25 years ago." He said with a smile. "I'm sure things have changed."
"Yeah. Probably." She chuckled back at him and he watched as she grabbed the tablet and opened it, pulling up the brochure for Harvard's Pre-Med program.
The two poured over the brochure for a good thirty minutes before she closed the iPad and sank back against the couch cushions, her head falling to his shoulder as she snuggled against his side.
"Promise me something love?" He wrapped his arm around her shoulders as he spoke softly.
"What's that?" She looked up at him, her eyes soft and sleepy looking.
"No matter which school you pick, no matter where you move to," He took a deep breath before continuing, "Promise me that you'll never get too old for your old man?"
"Oh that'll never happen." She said with a soft laugh, snuggling even closer as she closed her eyes.
"Good." He whispered, his lips pressing against her hair softly before he sank back against the couch as well, his body relaxing into the space.
"You promise I'll always have a place here?" Her question made his heart hurt.
He hoped that she didn't think that he would replace her once she left, even if he and Rox had a baby or two.
"Always Angel." He squeezed her shoulders as he spoke. "This is your home."
She nodded her head against his shoulder and when he looked down she was breathing softly.
"Sleep baby." He pressed another kiss against to head before letting his head fall against hers, his body giving in to the demands of the past few days, his heart heavy with the idea of his baby girl leaving him someday.
*Don't forget to comment!