J.
That day, I make a point of not standing out. Before I join Edward and Emmett, I kill a deer. It's not as good as mountain lion, but it'll keep my strengths up, and it'll keep my mind elsewhere. All I force myself to think of during our journey back to the house is that deer. I don't allow anything else to slip through my mind. So, the day passes like usual. I spend it watching the news and reading, filling my mind with somebody else's words and thoughts because so long as I do that, I'll be good. It takes restraint, of course, but I've got plenty.
The family begins to retreat and split up when dusk settles. Edward, Bella and Renesmee go to their cottage, and I figure that'll buy me enough time to do what I have to do before Edward shows up. Carlisle retreats into his office, Emmett and Rosalie go for a walk, and Alice and Esme go through a new set of pictures, taken today. I've chosen to go after Carlisle, first. He's the pillar. By taking him out, I'm discouraging the others. They'll be more emotional, more reckless, easier to predict… and easier to kill.
When I prepare for battle, it's always the same. Physically, I make sure my clothes move right, and that anything I need is close to me. Tonight, that's a chain of thick metal links, in case either of the girls act up. They'll break through it, of course, but it'll buy me time. It's now hidden under a cushion in the living room. I suspect that's where the fight will move to, eventually. Mentally, I focus. My every move is intentional, every possible outcome anticipated and planned for. After all, there's a reason why I became the youngest major in Texas.
'Jasper?'.
Again, she catches me of guard, but as soon as I turn and see her face, I know she doesn't suspect a thing. I've been careful not to act out of the ordinary. There's no reason for her to watch me, and so… she hasn't.
I smile at her, but I don't feel anything. There's no emotional connection. The realization doesn't alarm me. In fact, everything makes perfect sense.
'Esme and I are going hunting in a little bit'. She smiles. 'I figured you might like to accompany us… you know, now that you're my guard and all'.
'Of course', I say, smiling as warmly as I can manage. 'I just have to speak to Carlisle before we go. Is that all right?'.
She nods, plants a kiss on the corner of my mouth and dances back towards Esme. My smile disappears immediately.
Carlisle's sitting behind his desk when I come in, glancing from the screen of his computer to his notebook, and then up to me.
'Jasper', he smiles and puts down his pen. 'What can I help you with?'.
'Nothing in particular', I say, calmly moving across the space and towards him. Along the way, I look at framed pictures and paintings on the walls, and pick at a small black statue standing on a shelf. 'What are you working on?'.
If Carlisle is at all confused, he doesn't show it. Instead, he points at the screen and explains that he's reading up on an elderly patient's peculiar case. An elderly man, apparently, with a difficult heart condition that Carlisle's setting up a treatment plan for. I hardly listen as I move closer to him, until I'm standing next to him, looking at the computer screen. When he stops talking, he looks up at me and laughs.
'Did you come here to learn about heart conditions?'.
I smile, but only for a brief second. Then my face hardens.
My hands have wrapped around his neck when he stands up, and there's a faint groan coming from Carlisle's throat as he tries to push me away. He's strong, but I'm stronger. I throw him across the room, sending him crashing into the wall. Dozens of books come falling from the shelves and onto his back as he lifts himself onto his elbows. Then I hear shuffling from across the house, and I know I have to move quickly. I'm standing over him in an instant, lifting him by the throat with one hand, putting pressure under his chin with the other as I push his head backwards. He mutters my name and grabs at my hands, trying to pry them off, but all I hear is the shattering of his marble body, and I feel nothing.
Then the door flies open, and Carlisle flies into another wall as I intercept Esme. I put her to the floor immediately. There's more shattering.
My eyes finally find Alice standing in the doorway, looking at me, horrified. 'Jazz…'. I launch her backwards into the living room and grab the chain as I walk towards her. She's crashed into a mirror and shards of glass cover her clothes and hair. She doesn't fight me when I yank her to her feet. She just looks at me, and she calls my name. Softly, repetitively, like she's unable to process that it's actually me. I've wrapped the chain around her wrists within a second and push her into another room, shutting the door behind me.
I can sense Carlisle coming and duck beneath his fist. It shatters the wooden door behind me but before he can turn around, my arm wraps around his neck like a snake and I start twisting, harder and harder, his muscles tensing beneath my grip; his skin starting to crack; his voice nothing more than a strangled plea.
But then a vase flies at my head and shatters against the wall when I dodge it, and for a second, Carlisle has an opening. He takes it, and I fly into the fireplace. When I get to my feet, covered in ash, I'm angry. My lips have curled backwards, my fingers are shaped into claws, my eyes hidden beneath my frown, and a loud growl escapes my throat as I launch towards Carlisle. Just before I can reach him, something crashes into me from my right and Emmett wraps around me.
'JASPER!', he roars. 'What are you DOING?!'.
I yank his arm from my body and twist it backwards, forcing his body to the ground. Rosalie is on my neck. She's got her fingers in my hair and pulls me backwards, and the anger in me rises. She's always been a dirty fighter. I send her flying into the piano, right next to Emmett, and they lay on the ground, covered in glass and wooden piano pieces.
Carlisle again. I grab him and launch him into Esme, knocking them against another wall. Then Emmett, and he goes flying through the window when I sweep his legs from under him. I watch him hit the moss below and smirk, spinning around to intercept Rosalie's fist as it flies towards my face, twisting her arm. She sinks to her knees in pain and, annoyed at her cheap shots, I decide she'll go first. I pull at her arm until I hear shattering. My other hand reaches for her head, reading to take it off her body. Before I can strike, a furious 'NO!' echoes through the room, and Carlisle throws himself against me. I hit the forest floor like a stone. Emmett and Carlisle are on me before I can get up. They've got their knees on my wrists and chest, and Rosalie quickly jumps down to pin my legs into the ground. I roar in fury and try to break free. Emmett's fist crashes into my face. My head hits the ground.
'Emmett'. Carlisle looks at him and shakes his head, calm as always.
'Get Edward!', Rosalie yells at Esme.
'Already here'. Edward comes flying through the greenery, Bella follows. He glances at the shards of glass and then to Emmett, Carlisle and Rosalie. Finally, he looks at me.
'He tried to kill them'. It's a conclusion.
Bella looks like she's in absolute disbelief. 'What?! Why?!'.
Edward stares into my eyes, frowning, and it enrages me to know he's prying around in my head. I try to break free, again, but Carlisle and Emmett push me down, deeper into the forest floor. Dirt covers part of my face.
'He's been compromised', Edward says. 'He was ordered to kill us'.
Bella glances from her husband to me, and Edward nods. My attempts at getting up weaken by the second… and then I just lay there. My eyes shoot towards Bella. Emmett forces me to sit, his fingers still wrapped around the collar of my shirt.
I feel confused, now. I know what just happened, but I don't understand it. I look at my family's faces. The distrust on Emmett's and Rosalie's, the worry on Esme's, the confusion on Edward's, the studious look on Carlisle's, and then there's Alice, suddenly standing over me. Sadness. Confusion, too, but mostly sadness.
'I-'.
'Who gave you the order, Jasper?'.
I frown, trying to dig through my memories, but my head feels like it's filled with rocks. Only this morning is clear in my mind.
'A woman', Edward says. 'One of our kind. Her name is Laeticia'.
Carlisle looks up at him. 'Was she alone?'.
'Yes'.
'Well… why?!', Rosalie calls out, the anger in her voice becoming painfully obvious. 'What did we do to her?!'.
'It's not about her. She's with Aro'.
'That's not possible', Alice answers.
'No, it is. There must be someone else making decisions for him'.
I let the discussion go past me. I look at my hand, and remember the feeling of Alice's throat in it, her fingers wrapped around my wrists, not nearly strong enough to stop me. I look at Rosalie and can still see the faint cracks in her neck. My eyes burn. I can't cry, but I would have. My chest feels hollow, my lungs feel like they're on fire, my throat feels dry and constricted. I feel like him. That monster that I tried so hard to leave behind.
'Jasper'. Carlisle's gentle hand forces me to look at him.
'Is he okay now?'.
Carlisle looks at Bella and nods. Emmett's hand tightens around my shirt and I suddenly feel something I haven't felt in ages. I'm afraid.
'No', I groan. 'Don't!'.
But Bella stops and steps back, and the rage doesn't come.
'Her power's limited', Edward concludes. 'It only works until a shield puts a stop to it'.
'So, what? She controls minds?'. Emmett raises his hands in despair.
'It seems that way', Carlisle whispers. He's got a frown between his brows and his jaw's clenched. I know that look. He's thinking of how to fix… this. The situation. Me, perhaps.
Emmett sighs. 'We're screwed'.
'We'll figure something out', Edward replies.
'Like what?!', Rosalie yells. 'They can turn us on each other, Edward. They got Jasper to kill us!'.
The words feel like blades and I shrink into myself, resting my face in the palms of my hands.
'That's enough', Esme calls. 'We'll talk about this inside. Go. All of you!'.
Carlisle softly squeezes my shoulder before he ushers the rest inside. They go reluctantly. Some quiet and some, like Rosalie, complaining loudly. Only Alice stays. I feel her presence before I feel her hands. She kneels down in the dirt.
'I'm so sorry', I whisper.
'Ssh. It's not your fault'.
I glance up at her and take a look at her wrists. The links have left prints in her skin.
'You can't hurt me', she whispers, softly running her fingers across my face. I feel them linger at the scars on my jaw, and I know what she's thinking of. 'I should have listened to you'. She sounds choked up, and I feel her sadness wash over me like a tidal wave. It deepens my own. 'I should have seen it coming'.
I shake my head in defeat. 'Do not blame yourself for what I did, Alice'.
'You didn't do this. It was that woman. Them. They used you-'.
'Like a puppet', I interrupt. 'Because they know what I am. They know what I'm capable of, and it would've been a believable story if I had been the one to kill you in a fit of rage, because I can'.
'Stop this!', Alice demands, grabbing my face. 'You're not him anymore. You'll never be him again'.
'I just was', I whisper. 'It'll always be in me, Alice. I can't shake it. And now they've found a way to turn me into a weapon'.
'It won't work'.
I look up at her, at her worried eyes and her soft lips, and I think of how good she is. She's never given up on me before. Not even now, after I'd almost handed her to Aro. But I've not felt this… small – in a very long time. I've not felt this type of pain and anger and regret in a long time. It feels like the past decades have been swept away and made undone by minutes. I don't know what to do.
'Come'. I feel her arm wrap around me as she lifts me from the ground. 'We're going to make this right', she whispers.
As she guides me back towards the house, with shards of glass breaking underneath our feet, I realize that I'm leaning on her when actually, she should have left me sitting there. In the dirt.