"Gabrielle, wake up, Gabrielle", a voice whispers gently in her ear.
The bard awakes with a start, thinking Xena is in some kind of trouble but instead she finds Aphrodite looking at her.
"Aphrodite?" Gabrielle whispers in surprise. "What are you doing here? Is there trouble?" she asks, pushing herself into a sitting position.
Aphrodite gives her a radiant smile, "No, no trouble, sweet pea. I'm here for you, of course!"
Gabrielle blinks in confusion, "For me? … But … but you're the goddess of love." The bard's voice trails off into a short thoughtful silence in which she gazes at Aphrodite.
"I … I have no love issue", Gabrielle adds not quite convincingly.
Aphrodite smiles at her, then looks over at the sleeping warrior, "Maybe you don't have one of the classic love issues but friendship, and certainly the friendship between you and Xena, is also a kind of love. And, as you very well know, it is very powerful. Besides", the love goddess adds, "I'm your friend and I want to help you."
Gabrielle stares at Aphrodite for a moment but then sits up properly and sighs, covering her face with her hands.
The goddess comes closer and lays a hand on the bard's shoulder, "Gabrielle, let me help you. Tell me about what happened with Marcus."
Gabrielle blinks at Aphrodite in astonishment, "You know about Marcus? Have you been watching us?"
"No, Gabrielle, of course not! But when I felt this strong shock in your emotions I couldn't just ignore it. I had to check."
Aphrodite looks almost sheepish at this confession of her rather "ungodly" behavior. After all, gods usually don't care much about mortals and, therefore, Gabrielle gapes at her but then smiles honestly, "Aphrodite, that's really sweet of you."
The bard hesitates, glancing at her sleeping friend. "Can you make sure we don't wake Xena?"
Aphrodite smiles, walks over and passes a hand over Xena's sleeping form. "She'll sleep peacefully and won't hear a word of what we say", the goddess reassures Gabrielle.
"Thanks Aphrodite."
She gives Gabrielle a little bow and then conjures two fluffy armchairs from thin air.
"Come on, sweet pea. Sit down and tell Aunty Aphrodite what's bothering you", she says, adjusting her would-be psychologist spectacles and crossing her legs.
"Ok, here it goes", Gabrielle sighs and begins to tell her story. "Xena and I were woken up by people running and shouting. We thought they were in trouble. So we followed them to their town square. Then we realized they were cheering a man – Marcus. Only his name is Felicus now and he's some sort of hero to the people here. Apparently, he negotiated a contract for better tax conditions with the king. When Xena saw him she stood frozen with shock. I'd never seen her like that. Gods, she was so out of it and later at the camp she only stared into space. I didn't know what to do. I didn't understand why she was so extremely emotional because, as far as I knew, Marcus had been a long-term friend who died a hero's death in battle in Thessaly. I mean, I was unconscious when it happened but … that's what Xena told me", she finishes, her face going from agitation to shock as a sudden realization dawns on her.
"Oh my god, Aphrodite", Gabrielle croaks. "Marcus died because of me!"
"What?" Aphrodite yelps. "But Gabrielle, you were unconscious. How can you…?"
Gabrielle has jumped to her feet and is pacing in front of Aphrodite, her mind racing.
"Look, Xena and I met Marcus the day before the battle and at first Xena was not at all happy about helping him. Over dinner, though, they were talking like old friends again", Gabrielle recalls.
Aphrodite looks at her in disbelief, "You remember all that after so many years?"
Gabrielle stops her pacing and turns to the goddess, "Yes, I do. … It was not exactly the best evening of my life. I felt like a little child disturbing the reunion of two adults. I … I was jealous", she finishes in a constricted voice, a horrible feeling of guilt settling in the pit of her stomach.
Aphrodite ponders this, then nods in understanding.
"The next morning we headed for the armory Marcus had said needed protection from Crycos' men. Xena wanted me to stay at our camp but…"
"…but you were stubborn and talked her into taking you along", the love goddess finishes for Gabrielle.
"Yes", the bard whispers. "And then we fought and things were not looking so bad. I was scared but doing ok until … until that huge guy knocked me out."
Gabrielle claps her hands over her mouth, "And Xena must have heard me scream and immediately must have come to save me. Otherwise I'd have been killed by that brute."
"But how does this mean Marcus died because of you, Gabrielle? It's not like you did anything to get him killed", Aphrodite combines.
Gabrielle sighs, "Don't you see? If I had stayed at camp in the first place or at least fought better, Xena wouldn't have needed to come to my rescue. The balance of the battle wouldn't have shifted so that Marcus became the main target of the enemy. He was standing in the middle of the hall and", she hesitates as years of battle experience tell her what must have happened next.
"When Xena ran to save me, she left Marcus alone. Thinking that she wouldn't be able to take down that massive guy alone, the soldiers left her relatively unchallenged and instead attacked Marcus with full strength. He must have been surrounded within seconds and by the time Xena had saved me it was too late."
She sighs heavily, "Not even Xena could save Marcus then."
Gabrielle starts pacing again, "The love of Xena's life died because of me. Because I didn't listen and stay at camp. Because I was jealous. Because I was a stupid, scared little girl with an Amazon staff I didn't deserve!"
Gabrielle falls to her knees and starts crying hard. Aphrodite, upon seeing and, as goddess of love, feeling the bard's despair and agony, kneels down beside her and cradles Gabrielle in her arms, her own godly eyes fill with tears. After several long moments Gabrielle calms down and gently pushes away from Aphrodite.
Then she looks at the goddess, "Why? … Why didn't she tell me she loved him and what really happened? I … I should have paid for doing this to her and …", her voice cracks and she stares into the fire.
"Hey, I don't know why Xena didn't tell you back then but she always has good reasons for what she does, right?" Aphrodite says.
Desperately Gabrielle looks around at the goddess, "Yeah, but in this case? … My god … I'm just so confused. You know that I love Xena and would do anything to make her happy. And if Marcus died because of me I have to set it right. But … I'm so scared", her voice falters. "I mean when Marcus died I felt terribly sorry for Xena and wished there was a way of bringing him back. But now … now that I know he was the love of her life and that I killed him …"
The bard wrings her hands in frustration and despair, "Of course I want her to be happy but I'm also terrified that I might lose her … again."
At these last words Gabrielle's loses her regained composure and starts sobbing into her hands again. Aphrodite, deeply moved by the love Gabrielle has for her best friend, hugs the bard and holds her until she recovers some control over her emotions.
"I'm so sorry, sweet pea", the goddess whispers. "Love is the most beautiful thing on earth but it can also cause the most terrible pain."
Gabrielle raises her head and gives a little nod, still sobbing, "Yeah, … Aphrodite I just don't know if I can handle losing Xena again after everything that happened in Japa. She's my best friend and soulmate. But I also can't let her give up a second chance at a life with her love for me. Aphrodite, what am I gonna do?"
Aphrodite considers her answer for a moment, "Gabrielle, do you trust Xena?"
The bard looks startled, "Of course I trust Xena – with my life!"
Aphrodite smiles but Gabrielle is not quite sure what the goddess wants to tell her, "Why do you ask, Aphrodite? You know better than anyone that I trust Xena completely."
The goddess of love looks into Gabrielle's eyes but doesn't speak. However, her own eyes seem to glimmer rather mysteriously.
As the bard looks back into these strangely glimmering eyes, she says tentatively, "You mean I should support her in getting back together with Marcus and hope that she will still choose me over him? That she would choose me, the person responsible for his death, over the man she loves?"
Aphrodite can plainly see and hear Gabrielle's despair, so she explains, "I just mean you should trust that your extraordinary friendship is as precious and vital to Xena as it is to you, Gabrielle. She chose you for a reason all those years ago."
With these cryptic words, a wave of her hand and a warm smile Aphrodite, including her fluffy armchairs, disappears in a puff of pink smoke. Gabrielle remains where she is for a long moment but then Aphrodite's magic sets in and sleep overcomes her. She rolls into her furs and falls into a peaceful slumber.
To be continued...