*BANG*

Darkness. And yet…sensations? My body feels as if it were bound in a chair? What's going on, am I dead?

Then. Light. The rolling of film and yet no camera, the infinite possibilities of the universe…universes playing out as a film in front of my eyes. The war as it played out in the world and the Alt-World. The bombs. Russians in Berlin interspersed with Jackboots down Fifth Avenue and bombers over Boston Harbor. Sailing off the lakes in Cincinnati and seeing the ashes fall like so many snowflakes. I hated sailing after that.

The screaming. The trucks. The little girls brains spattering on the Brick wall. Mud and bones. Mud and bones. Atomic fire flashing over Japan, over DC. A village in Belarus on fire. Arbeit macht frei. Arbeit macht frei. Arbeit macht frei. Over and over and over again, repeating for hours, days, eternity. What sense of time was there now? Was there time? The horror. Oh God the horror. What have I done? What have I done?

"WHAT HAVE I DONE?!" I screamed into the void, not expecting an answer.

"What have you done? John you know all too well what you have done, or more accurately what you didn't do." a voice called out from the void.

"Abendsen? Is that you? Please, stop the films! I don't want to see it anymore, I DON'T WANT TO WATCH!

"Why not John? You had no problems watching here, participating there. You took part in so much John, you just told yourself that promotion will help the family! After all, nothing says promotion like a little hands on work."

"EVERYTHING i've done was for my fami-"

"Ah the family! Always for the family! A clever little twist on the Nuremberg defense, I must say! Just following Orders, just helping the family! What about your morality John, what about your soul? Did you ever stop to think of your life and works in ways other than your own material gain?"

"You're not Abendsen! Who are you?!"

"I am, John."

"What does that even mean?"

"Oh I forgot, must have been quite some time since you last read about me, what with the book bans and all. Oh well, i'm sure you'll understand the implications of our meeting in due time. Abendsens voice is just what you want me to sound like, so that is what I am in your mind."

"I-I don't know what you're talking about"

"Think John, what does it mean? Where have you heard those words before John?"

"Please, I'm begging you! Stop showing me the films! I don't want to watch! I don't want to watch! I don't want this world! I don't want this life! I want a second chance! Please, I want to be a good man! I know I can be a good man! Please, I want to take it back! I WANT TO TAKE IT ALL BACK

"Who am I John? Think about it? Where have you heard these words before?"

"I AM, John"

"I AM, John"

"I AM"

Mental images, memories even replace the films. A burning bush. A star in the sky. A Manger. A man preaches. A meal. A rooster caws. Iesus Nazarenus Rex Judaeorum. Memories of books, the echos of a mans voice on a stage long pushed aside from John Smiths mind.

Iesus Nazarenus Rex Iudaeorum
Iesus Nazarenus Rex Iudaeorum
Iesus Nazarenus Rex Iudaeorum

Johns eyes widened. The voice swelled.

"You know who I am now, don't you John Smith"

"I do."

"I gave no mercy to those who begged for it, I gave no comfort to those who asked for it. My works were misery and death wherever I went, all for my own personal gain. And now, it's all over. In the end, it meant nothing compared to what I gave up to achieve it. I finally realize that now. Whatever comes, I accept it."

"That's good to hear John. I have something planned for you. Whoever said you can never truly go home hasn't met me. Indeed, whoever said combining universes into each other hasn't met me!"

"What are you talking abou-"

"Run along now John, you've got Insurance to sell."

The ceiling turned from endless darkness to a bright red. My neck was stiff from laying down on the arm of a couch and I scanned the room I was in. An American flag hung up on the wall, the stars and bars over the Swastika. I began to scan the room as a little voice piped up.

"Daddy, you're awake! That trip must have been hard, you were out like a light!"

Johns mind raced:

"There was Helen and the girls, sitting at the table in front of the kitchen. But why was the flag…..normal? What world was I in? Did some people not exist, were events of world history different from the Alt-World? What if I'll nev-"

"Um yeah sweetie, Daddy was kept very busy from work and I just had to take a nap"

Suddenly the sound of shuffling came from deeper in the kitchen, Hellen spoke up and said

"We'd have woken you up when he got back late, but he absolutely insisted you get some sleep"

John heard the sound of sticks hitting the tile flooring, then saw two crutches carrying a stump and propelling a uniformed torso forward. John's eyes began to widen, his eyes became wet and glossy as tears began to roll down. From Joy? Relief? Sadness? All three emotions were on display. And yet, in that singular moment only a word needed to be uttered.

"Thomas?"

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