Chapter 1- Every Story Needs a Problem

I have to warn now that this is going to be unlike any other story I've written, both from a story base and format of sorts. You will see what I mean as we get into this. I don't want to spoil too much. It's up to you guys to peer deep into this and figure out what is going on. This is going to be a story you really have to pay attention to. It's a tough one, but one that I sense needs to be written, especially with all that is going on this year. Okay, let's get into this!

The office was dark, curtain drawn so as to create an ambience of protection, silence, confidentiality. It was the essence of his job really, to hear the secrets of the world and house them all in his mind, notebooks, drawers. He joked to himself from time to time that he ought to rename the filing cabinet in his office 'the chest that held the world's sanity,' because if those words that were written on pages ever got out, mass chaos and hysteria would erupt from all corners of the earth. At times it didn't seem the simple lock on the drawer was enough, a retina scanner being more appropriate for the worded verbiage housed in those folders. But enough discussion about the legal nature of psychiatry, let's put the importance of locks on Daniel Charles' filing cabinet to the side for the time being. Because he was not the only one in this office of his, he'd closed the curtains and set drinks and snacks on the table between his chair and patients for a purpose. He had a mystery to solve, a diagnosis that was requiring more then just his feedback. It wasn't the first time he'd faced a catatonic, lost, shut down patient, but given who it was and the circumstances circling around, above, within him, Daniel had no other choice but to call in those who could at least point him in a general direction.

"This Dr. Daniel Charles, the day is Tuesday, November 3rd 2020. I'm here with Hailey Upton to discuss patient 34789-32251."

"You can just say his name," Hailey moused out as Dr. Charles set his recorder on the table, gesturing to the snacks and bottles of water.

"For legal purposes I cannot. Do you need anything?" Hailey shook her head, her body formed into a tight ball on the chair. She itched a spot on her leg, just gazing off in utter disbelief. She never pictured life taking her here. A shrink's couch to spill things she swore to never tell, certainly not things that could put him in jeopardy. It was a slow head shake, as if to swipe away internal cobwebs, that made the tear drip down her face. Starting with the left eye before trickling down the right, she felt nothing but betrayal. She couldn't do it, but deep, deep down in some way this was going to help him get freed.

"Why the tears," Daniel spoke, yanking her back to the enormity of everything. She shot her head right at him, eyes red with emotion and body shaking like it hated everything.

"I've never done anything like this before. I mean, whenever we have a shooting we have to visit the department's shrink and tell them the usual script that everything is fine and we weren't effected by what we did, but I've never done…this." Hailey held a hand out, gesturing to the whole room.

"So are you saying that perhaps you've lied in the past? That when you weren't alright you told whatever you needed to in order to go back to work?"

"I mean, what cop hasn't. It's part of the job. If you wanted to have an easy beat where you never fired your weapon, then either go to the 'burbs or don't become a cop at all. We deal with a lot of shit, on the regular. It eats away at you everyday, but you go home and do your best to forget it all before you wake up the next morning and repeat it all again." Hailey resumed silence for a moment, shocked she said all of that. She watched Daniel pick up his pen to begin writing, enough to worry her she already had a strike against her, against all of them.

"Don't put that on the record." Daniel chuckled.

"I'm not a journalist and certainly not a court transcriber. Whatever we say in this room stays between you and I. That's called doctor patient confidentiality. Unless you reveal something that's endanger you or others, then you could tell me the worst things about yourself and others and it will not be shared with another soul."

"But I'm not the patient."

"No, but you are a source in his case so it qualifies. So anyway, you didn't answer my question." "What question?"

"The tears? Why are you crying and why tell me that all cops lie at some point in post-shooting sit downs? Are you saying that Jay did and then confided in you that things weren't alright?" Hailey picked at the end of her jeans, the doctor read her like a billboard. She knew what he wanted out of her, ammo to keep him locked up forever, some zombie of a human that was forever drifting and in need of help for everything.

"I feel like I'm betraying him. I'm literally talking about him behind his back."

"Try and see it as helping him, I know that talking about him without him being here seems wrong, but it will help me see what's truly going on. No BS, no facade or excuses to get back on the job. He needs all our help. In this case, his secrets are what will set him free, totally." That was one way of putting it, one that Hailey's scared and upset mind hadn't thought of yet. She adjusted in her seat, nothing but a clock's ticking sounding in the room. Hailey pulled her hair up in a ponytail, rolling her eyes and slowly exhaling, like the weight of everything was at the point of too much. The sooner she talked the sooner she got out of this thick office. She hated it, but knew she had to do it. After all, she was under direct orders.

"Yes…there were times that Jay told the story that he was fine, when it was very clear he wasn't. We'd all pry, me more then the others, and he'd shove us away. He told me many times I was crazy and just being too sensitive and reading way too into things." "So are those instances why we're here today?"

"No, I don't think so," Hailey eventually confessed.

"Well, maybe not the reason, but maybe just small pieces to the big one." Daniel nodded, scribbling rapidly as he moved to the next question.

"So what do you think was the turning point in all of this?" Hailey laughed, rather sarcastically.

"Don't you think if any of us knew that we wouldn't be here?" Daniel looked up from the notebook, completely unamused by her verbal slap. It wasn't the first, and certainly not the last time he'd be mocked.

"What changed about him, physically, verbally, emotionally. What's the first thing that jumps out. Think back as far as you can." Hailey stared off into nothing for a moment, her once cheery and lively face fading away as she searched deep into the mind. Tick, tock, tick, tock. Five, seven minutes later she leaned forward to grab a water bottle, unscrewing the top while speaking.

"He had headaches."

"Describe it."

"Bad, very bad. Like having to miss days of work bad. They would always start at the end of the day. He'd call me on the way home to break things down, only able to get a few sentences out before slurring words or speaking random things. Whenever I'd ask if he was okay he'd always say it was a headache, work migraine he'd refer to them as."

"How often would it happen?"

"Like once a month, but a few months before…you know…it was every other week. He'd vomit, leave all the lights off, not move the entire day. I told him he needed to be checked out, but he'd always come back with needing more pain killers."

"When was the first headache?"

"I'd say…end of last year?! I remember it was snowing and we were doing some secret Santa ridiculousness. It was at that party that he left early because of a headache." Eleven months, the beginning of some kind of timeline.

"Was the slurred speech and jumbled words the same time?" "No, that came a few months later. Can I just see him? I think if I talked to him he might open up."

"He's not been granted visitation. It's best you don't see him right now. Last question: now knowing all that you do know and seen what he was capable of, why didn't you push him to get help?"

"Well isn't that just an accusation." "It's not, just answer."

"Because…have you seen how tough it is for him to do anything he doesn't want to? We could've threatened death and he'd find a way out."

"Okay, thanks Hailey. I'll be in contact tomorrow for more information. Send in Will." She didn't bother saying farewell or asking when she'd be summoned the following morning. Accusation, judgement was all she felt coming out of this initial meeting. She saw the signs, knew something was wrong. But call it fate, a process, fear, or disbelief, she allowed all that happened to roll evilly along.

…

"So how is he? What level is he at right now? Is he cooperating finally? Has he said anything about me?" "Will!" He'd made it to sitting on the couch before spilling all contents of his mind out and into the airspace of the office. Dr. Charles could see words and questions springing out of Will like a fountain, stunning and forceful streams like Buckingham Fountain. He understood, knowing Will's role in the previous day. It was very understandable that he'd want to receive an update, but given everything else he had to know those details weren't coming.

"Sorry, it's just…yeah. The guilt is so real right now."

"You did the right thing. Remember that. The guilt is just shock, manifesting into guilt. You played a role, but it was the correct one. Do not forget that." Will nodded, grabbing a handful of pretzels and sitting back. He crossed one leg over the other, the raised foot jiggling back and forth. It bugged Daniel to no end.

"This is Charles, the day is November 3rd, 2020. I'm here with Will Halstead to discuss patient 34789-32251."

"You can just say his name."

"Dear Lord, you and Hailey. For legal reasons I cannot use his name."

"Legal?"

"Will. Focus. Why don't you start with telling me when you started noticing things." "Like what things," Will spoke with food in his mouth.

"Anything."

"He's been quiet since he got back from the sandbox. Especially quiet after mom died. When he was young he was more emotional, would let you know what was going. But after all that…crazy part of his life. He did come home changed, there was no other way for him to be." "So the PTSD played a part in what happened yesterday?"

"No, but I think it set the stage." Daniel nodded, telling himself he was basically writing the same thing over and over again. They all knew he was changed, not what one would call healthy, but all were skirting around that moment when things put them at the endpoint of now.

"What do you think was the turning point in all of this?" Unlike Hailey, zero laughter came from Will. In fact, he did the total opposite: cry. Putting down the bottle of water, Will cupped his head in his hands, shaking his head and saying something about 'knowing' multiple times.

"Will?!" Dr. Charles wanted to comfort, but he had so many interview still to get through that day, he didn't have the time or patience really to coax them all through this. Things happened, Jay was gone from them, and now it all fell on him to guide where things went from here.

"What do you mean about knowing?" Will found the strength to look up, keeping the rest of his body bent over but the head finally looked up.

"We had a fight three days ago. I told him it all had gone too far. That he was insane and needed someone to stop him. It was really heated, he threatened…I can't."

"You have to." "If I do it goes on your record and this is deemed as a situation to break the patient/doctor confidentiality. Which when that happens he'll know it was me and on top of never wanting to see me again he'll never see a single police precinct again…except to collect disability checks every other week."

"You got all of that from my one question? My how your mind works. Will, try me. What did he say?"

"That he ought to just…end it all. That it made the most sense. After that he stormed out, I didn't hear from him again until today when he came in. With what happened right after…he has plenty of ammo to hate me for life." Daniel was silent, just humming and writing at lightning speed. He had to get his thoughts down before they flew into another round of things. This was the crucial part of this whole diagnostic process. The friends and family reactions were what steered them all down a certain path.

"So when did you first notice anything different? Anything. It may seem stupid or meaningless to you, but good or bad it'll give us something." "He had a headache. We were supposed to go out for New Years. The two of us walk along the river as the fireworks went off. We've done it since it was just the two of us. I was on my way to pick him up when he called and said he couldn't make it. The ball dropped on the new decade as I rubbed his back while he threw up in the bathroom." Ah, a pattern had formed: headaches. That was something. What it meant, Dr. Charles didn't know at the time. But it gave him a side effect to run with.

"Last question: now knowing all that you know and seeing what he is capable of, why didn't you push him to get help sooner?"

"Because I think family is the last to recognize that another family member is in trouble. Especially with us, I'm always the worried one and he's always the one that shakes things off. Says I'm overreacting before he'd distance himself for a bit. Which is pretty much what happened."

"Okay, I'll be in contact with you tomorrow. Thanks, Will. Send the next person in." A simple nod was all Daniel got before Will stood and headed for the door.

"Will, he's not spoken about you," was Daniel's farewell to Will. He knew it was a half lie, but it was better to give out hope while you could. Because the truth was far worse, most definitely too much for the only surviving family member to know right now.

Alright! Let's the guessing game begin! What do you think is going on with Jay? Thanks for reading and let's see where this takes us!