HEY LOOK, I'M STILL ALIVE!

I have no idea how this happened. I can't believe it's almost been two months; like I have no idea how that went by so quickly. I'm sososososososososososososososososooooooo sorrry it did. Really hope you guys haven't given up on me!

As always, big thanks to my amazing new follwers/favers: Loza-Pop; plabe; Nikkerbocker23; sheikazutaralover; annajessennia17.

And of course to my reviewers, you guys rock:

Jily71102~ It's coming! I promise you!

Mint. Life~ Okay so I just got all smiley rereading your review again. Thank you! And glad it got such a response from you! Hope you like this chap too. AND YES SCORPIANNE 6EVA!

Plucie~ You're going to have to wait and see! ;) (You'll be able to guess after this chap I'm sure). And let's keep hoping, the realisations are coming... (Maybe, possibly, hopefully soon(ish))

HattoriShizuka.1~ Okay, first off- not sure you could have given me a bigger compliment! For you to say you'd be disappointed with any other Scor's made me all kinds of giddy, excited and happy. Also, I'm so glad that you got that, I feel it comes off most with the Malfoy's but yeah, the whole being better than their parents thing is something I've been trying to work in, mostly because I feel the first gen would want it for the Next Gen and that it's something they'd try their hardest to teach. But they're still human, so it doesn't always come across. Sorry about how slow it can be! I hope it doesn't frustrate you all as much as it frustrates me! I find it really hard to skip ahead at times because I just don't know where it is I want to skip to. I feel it's going through a slow patch at the moment too because I'm so eager to get to where I want but it's hard to get to that point and still make it believable. As for the homework- you're not the only one who's thought about it! My thinking was the same, because so much of the lessons are practical, I'd imagine most homework would be essays, also because there's something not quite right about Hogwarts giving students homework packs or worksheets to fill out after class instead (They'd be made of parchment and that's just weird). I feel the amount of essays is probably a bit old-fashioned as Hogwarts seems to be sometimes. I feel like it's time for me to do a reread too, but I do remember absolutely loving writing X-mas and Halloween, so glad you enjoyed reading them. (And I get the same feels, only child here too). I have so many issues with Logan, most of them being that I like him, but I like Scor more (much much much more), and if we're ever going to have Scorpianne (which we will) there's got to be something wrong. I had an idea ages ago about how I'd do it but that keeps changing so you might find little things that seem off about him, because when I do finally have them break up- I don't want it to seem like it's come from nowhere. Hope you like this chap and all the ones to come! THANK YOU for leaving me such a lovely, insightful review.

HattoriShizuka.2~ Just incase it isn't obvious; I LOVE long reviews, if you wanna say it, say it. Because I love reading them!

Okay so without further ado...

Get you're teeth stuck into this one. It felt short but I feel like there's a lot in it.

Hope you all had a terrifyingly amazing Halloween,

Cookie xx

Chapter 35- The Night Under The Stars

"I hope you're going to be cheering for your family and not your boyfriend this match"

"I'll be sitting quietly cheering for absolutely no one at all, in a perfect balance of scarlett and green."

He scoffed, "Yeah and I'm Merlin reincarnated. I have never known you to stay silent in a Quidditch match"

"Maybe I'll surprise you"

"Bullshit. You'll be in the stands cheering for your big brother, and cousins like you should"

"Hm, but do I really you guys to win?"
"Of course, you want a challenge in the final don't you?"
"Slytherin'd be a challenge"

"Not as much of one." he insisted.
"We've beaten you guys before" she teased. "Wasn't much of a challenge then"
"I think we have very different memories of that game. You guys nearly lost it to us on a few occasions"
"Nearly-"
"Besides, I've got some really good training stuff going on now. We won't be caught out as easily again"

"Maybe Slytherin have upped their game too?"
"Is that inside knowledge? Because if so, your boyfriend is deluded. The problem with that team is their captain. No one likes or respects Neville, so the team will always struggle to win the cup"
She laughed, she couldn't disagree on that one. Pretty much any competent player could see why Slytherin weren't as good as they could be, "You're right. They all hate her. They train hard because they all hate losing too, but Logan just doesn't seem to get how important it is for players to have a good captain. And to get along with them. He doesn't look much past his own role he doesn't think much of-"

"Of the team as a whole?" Freddie finished for her.
"Yeah exactly"

He grinned at her agreement. "So, looks like we're going to be in the finals together then this year sis."
"You still have to win the game first! Slytherin don't have the heart you guys do but they do have the tactics. They might not work very well together but selfish playing is still sometimes successful playing. They'll play dirty too"

"You think we won't back?"
"No, you won't because you guys are too good for it. Plus, El and Jamie won't want any scouts to see them on a team that plays dirty. You'll be rough I don't doubt, but you won't be dodgy about it"

"Hm, that's a point. What would your tactics be? If you were playing against your beloved?" she rolled her eyes at that but thought about it for a second.

"Well, judging by the Hufflepuff game; I'd go for their chasers first. Erin uses her beaters offensively rather than defensively. They'll be trying to knock you guys out rather than watching you don't knock their chasers out. Don't go for Erin, unless you really need to. As long as she's on the pitch they'll listen to her because they don't want to be kicked off the team. If you knocked her out of the game they'd be forced to govern themselves and they might actually play better for it. Once you're one chaser down I'd go for one of the beaters, half them and you protect yourself a bit more-"
"Are you suggesting I aim bludgers at your dearest Loganberry?" he feigned shock.

She rolled her eyes again, Fred had taken to calling Logan that after discovering Loganberries were a food. It annoyed her, so of course it pleased him.

"No, I'm telling you what I would do if I were you. And I didn't say which beater you should knock out. I'd prefer if it wasn't Logan because something about my brother injuring my boyfriend doesn't appeal to me as much as I think it does to you"

"Why Roxanne, I'm hurt you'd even suggest I would want to hurt the charming little githead" he put his hand on his chest and mocked being offended.

She raised a brow and he smiled back sweetly.

"Please don't hospitalise him, Freddie."
"I can't promise not to. As much as I love you, I can't."
She pouted, but he pulled her up on it, "You wouldn't plead with the twins for the same so don't ask me just because you think your pout works better on me"

She pouted even more, trying hard not to laugh, "It usually does"

"Yeah but not where Quidditch is concerned"

She had to laugh at that. "Quidditch or food"

"I love you so much, I might even occasionally share my food with you. Might."

"But you won't promise not to hospitalise my boyfriend?"

"Nope" he grinned, "But cheer up, Roxy, I might not have to. Maybe James will"

"Oh wow, thanks Freddie" she said sarcastically.

He chuckled at her response, "No problem, little sis" ~

"How's Freddie doing?" Olivia asked the next morning as they were seated around in the common room, not quite having bothered to amble out to lunch yet.

The game was due to be played that afternoon and into that evening. It was starting at three thirty, so the group had decided to have a late lunch at two and then all go to the game together. Roxanne was meant to be seeing Logan at some point before then but she had no idea when he was coming.

"He's good. Excited for the game but won't promise to not hospitalise my boyfriend"

Olivia laughed, "Did you really expect him to?"
"Nope, but it would have been nice to hope."

"I wouldn't have promised it either if that makes you feel any better Rox" Lysander offered.

She narrowed her eyes at him, "Hilarious Ly"

"What? Just letting you know. If Slytherin do make it through, he's first. Purely for tactical reasons of course…"
"Uh huh. Nothing to do with you hating the guy then?"
"Hating? Roxanne don't be silly, I'm your friend, I despise him" Ly gave a big smile and she rolled her eyes.

Why did all the males in her life have to dislike her boyfriend?
"So, back to which side you'll be cheering on" Liv said.

"I'll be wearing blue and cheering whenever I feel a goal deserves a cheer"

"Liar. Your boyfriend is a beater, you won't cheer Slytherin goals"

"I might"

"You won't" Lorcan added, weighing in.
"Fine, I won't."
"You should just wear a Gryffindor scarf and be done with it" Olivia told her.

Roxanne laughed, if it weren't for Logan, she would be doing exactly that. It's what she used to do for Lily and the rest of her family when they weren't even that close. Since she and Freddie had been getting along, it's what she'd been doing it with even more fervour. But she had a feeling Logan would take it personally if she cheered for the Lions.

"He'd be offended"

"Don't tell me he's jealous of your brother too now?" Ly commented with a chuckle.

She ignored the comment, regretting telling him that Logan had said he was jealous of Scor. She'd needed a male take on it and somehow Scor's didn't seem appropriate. She should have just waited until Lorcan was back from his prefect rounds. But she'd been foolish and spoken to Ly, since then he loved bringing it back up to take the piss out of Logan. He'd thought it was ridiculous.

Which had been pretty much what she'd wanted to hear anyway, so she supposed there was a bright side.

"Just tell Logan, you don't want to upset your brother, that it's a tradition you two have or something"

"But it's not. We hardly used to talk"
"Yeah but he doesn't know that. You don't have to say how recent the tradition is" Olivia shrugged.

"I really hope you're not this devious when you tell me things" Lorcan murmured at his girlfriend, hugging her closer. She giggled and denied being devious at all.

Ly made a retching noise and received a sofa cushion in the face for it. Roxanne smiled sweetly when Ly looked up at his attacker.

"It was on Liv's behalf" she shrugged. "Not my fault"

Scor walked over to the group, the only one so far to leave the common room that day. He'd left a while ago to send a letter to his parents. Now that his mother was pregnant and Scor and his dad were on better terms, he'd had been writing home more often. Scor mentioned them more freely now too, which was nice to see.

"Rox, he's outside for you. He begrudgingly asked me to get you for him"

Roxanne didn't doubt Scor had probably made some sort of comment back just to annoy Logan.

"I hope you behaved yourself" she said to him, not missing the small little smirk he was wearing as he passed the message on.

"He probably hopes you're behaving yourself now that you and Scor are in the same room too" Ly called out as Roxanne began to stretch out and stand.

She supressed a laugh and reached for a cushion to throw. He was funny and he knew it, but she couldn't openly let him get away with jokes at Logan's expense. He held a cushion up to her, "Haha, out of ammo" there were a further four sitting on his lap.

She'd thrown all of the cushions on the sofa at him since they'd been sitting there.

"I'll get him back, Rox" Liv winked as Roxanne narrowed her eyes at Ly.

"Thanks Liv"

Roxanne shrugged on her hoodie and moved out of Scor's way. Scor filled the space she'd just vacated in their circle.

"See you later" she said to him as they passed each other, he smiled and said the same back but Roxanne felt a bit odd having been stood so close next to him and knowing she hadn't hugged him in at least a week.~

He was slouched against the stone of the hallway when she came out through the Ravenclaw entrance. When he saw her he seemed to brighten up and she couldn't help but smile back at him. He held his arms out to her and she went to them. He pulled her in for a tight hug and squeezed until she laughed.

"You can let me go now"

"I'm trying to get all the luck I can"

"I'm pretty sure that's not how it works"

"Hm, you're right. Maybe I should be kissing you instead"

He pulled away and looked at her with a cocky smirk. She rolled her eyes at him but kissed him back all the same. She'd checked the hall was clear as she'd come out, it was safe for the time being.

"So, fancy a fly before lunch?" he suggested.
"You want to fly now? Before your game?"
"Yeah, why not. Early warm up right? Unless you plan on knocking me off my broom, I reckon I'll be okay" he said with the air of sureness he always had about himself.

She shrugged, there wasn't really ever a time when she wasn't up for flying. Though she realised, she and Logan had never actually gone for a fly before. Funny, considering they both played Quidditch so regularly. ~

Logan wasn't sure he'd ever seen Roxanne with such a wide smile as she had on now. Her hair was out and streaming behind her, her legs wrapped delicately around her broomstick and her arms wide either side of her. She looked so happy. So perfectly at home.

She put her arms back on the broom, and looked over to him, "You know if you were Muggleborn that would have been an amazing time to make a great film reference"

"Sorry to disappoint" he told her, raising his voice so she heard him through the wind.

"Got enough energy for a race?" she asked.

"Got enough pride to keep you going when you lose?" he teased.

"Have you?" she retorted.

If he was honest, he hadn't really expected racing, when he thought of flying with his girlfriend. In his head it had been more of a calm thing, like a stroll around the grounds only in the air.

Racing wasn't nearly as romantic, but he went with it, because somehow Roxanne was the sort of girl you just went along with. She wasn't like any girl he'd ever been with before. She was somehow nervous and quiet but confident and feisty all at the same time. Logan usually picked one type or the other, he still hadn't decided which Roxanne was more of.

It just depended on where she was, the Quidditch pitch for example, she was in her element, the same in the classroom. Outside of that though? One on one, Roxanne was completely different, well, with him anyway. Particularly whenever things got the slightest bit intimate. She still wasn't completely comfortable with holding his hand when people were around, let alone kissing him. She was self-conscious no matter how much he tried to convince her people just didn't care if she snogged him in the corridor or not. But he respected her, so he didn't mind that she didn't. Whenever they did share a kiss it felt special, Roxanne's kisses were so tentative and soft and sweet. And the longer they were together the more confident she got, the more he could feel it from her when they kissed. There was still something though, some feeling he got that said she wasn't fully comfortable, there was something holding her back.

That had been bothering him recently, he felt they should be closer by now. He didn't mind not having sex with her, he completely understood what she had meant when they'd talked about it, it wasn't that. It was emotionally, not just physically. He couldn't quite phrase it so whenever he broached the conversation with one of his friends they dismissed it. As far as they could see Logan and Roxanne had the perfect relationship- minus the sex- one of them had made sure to add. But Logan didn't feel like they did. There was something he didn't quite feel from her, some kind of disconnect, he just didn't know what it was or more importantly, why. ~

The best course of action when your boyfriend is on the opposing team to your brother and cousins?

Apparently to cheer for them both until someone's knocked off of their broom.

Then when one's knocked off?

The only thing to do?

Choose.

Roxanne had been stood on her feet cheering at the top of her lungs as Albus raced toward the Slytherin goal posts. Liv had been next to her doing the same. Gryffindor were up by twenty and Al looked certain to increase the lead.

Thus far, neither her brother nor her boyfriend had knocked the other out. It was going well.

Until, just after Albus scored. He flew back toward the centre line and towards the Gryffindor stands to get the crowd even more pumped up. He had his back to the majority of the field as the Quaffle was being reset.

Roxanne cried out at him as she saw Matthew Grey, the other Slytherin beater hit a bludger toward her cousin. Fred had seen it too, but apparently earlier than she had because all of a sudden, Fred had pushed Al out of the way and had hit the bludger right back, but at the other Slytherin beater, her boyfriend, who looked to be receiving a lecture from Erin in the small reprieve Al's goal offered most players.

Roxanne tried to shout, but of course he couldn't hear. She saw Logan lift his head at the sudden resurgence of cheers from the Gryffindor crowd.

The bludger hit him in the side before he could move.

The unexpected impact pushed him off of his broom and left him hurtling toward the ground.

And in the moments that followed, Freddie's eyes found hers, he looked over to where she was in the stands and gave a sympathetic, vaguely apologetic face. Behind that though was pride, because there were scouts in the audience, his team was in the lead, and he'd just knocked the better of the two beaters out in the process of saving one of his chasers. Roxanne gave him a smile so small she wasn't sure he'd see it from the distance, and stood up to exit the stands. Fred could tell her about the game later.

She had to go and see if Logan was okay. ~

He was groggy from the medicine Madam Pomfrey had given him, Roxanne couldn't help but giggle though, she'd been in Logan's situation so many times before, and always found it mildly amusing to see other people like this. Once the fear of mortality had been ruled out- obviously. He turned his neck and winced, but managed a small smile at her all the same.

"How long have I been out?" he asked, squeezing the hand she was holding onto back slightly.

"Umm, an hour and a half" she said, looking at the clock. And assuming the game was still raging over on the pitch. Even if his team didn't come to see him right away like hers would for her, Liv would come to give them the score.

He croaked a little in answer and she held a cup of water to his mouth. He drank, and she tried to not spill it down him. She put the glass on the side.

"How bad?" he asked, looking at her with vaguely worried eyes.

"Some broken ribs on impact. Pretty bad bruising on your side. Sprained your wrist landing, and your face is a tad sore looking, Pomfrey also mentioned the possibility of concussion, but we'll have to wait and see with that"

He groaned.

"Cheer up, you're still handsome enough to keep me here" she joked, kissing his brow lightly at which he smiled as much as his bruised and slightly puffy face would allow.~

"I'll be waiting out here" Scorpius muttered as she entered the hospital wing. Logan was still here, although hopefully not for much longer. He'd been allowed out Sunday day after a night in to fix his ribs but, upon leaving the ward, he'd been barged into by someone in the corridors accidentally so he had to come back for another night and day of full healing. Madame Pomfrey hadn't even had the time to change his bed.

Roxanne had just run into Scor on her way out of class and seeing as they'd prearranged to go over some DADA spells, he accompanied her here first. Despite her protests that he didn't need to.

"Ooh, a card?" Roxanne asked as she came over to sit at Logan's bedside. He reached for the card next to him as she did but Roxanne got it first.

She held it up and scanned it as he reached for it.

"Who's this from?" she asked, confused.

"No one" he answered at once.

"Well you obviously know. Who is it from?"
"Just some first year, she comes over to me in the common room every so often. It's silly. She's just got a crush on me, that's all"

"Some first year, who hasn't forgotten about 'your night under the stars' ?"

She read the card with her brows furrowed in confusion. What the hell was this?

"A dream she had. She told us all about it. We were sleeping in the forest, in a clearing under the stars"

Roxanne's brows crumpled together even further, Logan didn't look as creeped out by this supposed eleven year old as she would be in his shoes.

"That's weird… Why have I never seen her?"

"She stays away when you're around" he grinned charmingly, "it's nice actually. You should come to the common room more"

"Hm. Well that's a bit creepy"

Roxanne placed the card carefully on the table, unconvinced. It wasn't so much of a card as it was a folded bit of black parchment with some writing on. Writing that actually looked much too neat and practiced for a first year. The writing on the inside was silver and read:

I hope the knock to your head hasn't made you forget our night under the stars.

I remember it. I hope you do too. Get well soon

Xxx

Roxanne wasn't sure what to make of it. On the one hand it could be some infatuated first year like Logan had said… or, or it could be much worse. Because if it wasn't a creepy 11 year old then it was someone older, someone Logan knew, and had spent a night with. And it obviously wasn't harmless or else he'd have told her. Still, she decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. Surely an older girl would just come and visit him? Why send a card for everyone to read?

"So, how's your day been?" he asked, reaching out to her and stroking her cheek. she smiled back at him to pretend everything was okay.

"Not too bad. I'm just tired. In fact, I think I'll go to dinner now and then go to bed early" she lied, knowing fully well Scor was waiting outside. "Is there anything you want me to bring?"
"No I'm good thanks."
"Okay good, I'll see you later then" she gave him a quick kiss on the temple and left through the huge doors quicker than she usually would, not even waving back to him as she left.

Logan knew he should have burned that card the moment he'd woken up to find it next to him. It's sender wanted nothing more than to meddle in his life, it seemed. He could tell she'd written exactly enough on that black parchment to make Roxanne suspicious, but little enough that he could lie his way out of it- just about. He wasn't even sure he'd convinced her of much. Roxanne wasn't stupid, but his lie had been.

Damn, I should have just told her.

Except he hadn't and now he'd lied to his girlfriend, and all it would take would be one little conversation between the two girls for things to slot into place and to end their relationship.

He needed to see her, not Roxanne. But the other girl, the meddling one. He needed to know what her problem was and what she wanted from him. If it was as he feared, if she wanted him then he'd have to have a talk with Roxanne. And tell her about their very short, and what he'd hoped would be insignificant history. Because he knew enough about the other girl to know that once she set her mind to something, she'd probably have her way.

"Madame Pomfrey?" he called out.

A minute or so later the matron was by his side.

"Yes, Mr Williams?"

"Is there any way, any way at all that I could get out of here before tomorrow morning?"
"Your ribs are mostly healed again, but if you want to leave you'd have to take some medicine with you."
"Brilliant. I can do that"
"It's stronger than what I've been giving you so far. But it works quicker. Take it before bed and ensure you've left enough time to sleep for at least eight hours. I must warn you though, it's known to induce vivid dreams"
"What do you mean, like nightmares?"
"I wouldn't be able to comment, it varies from person to person "
"Okay fine, I'll take it"

What was a little nightmare if it meant getting back out and seeing her quicker?~

Logan's friends took the piss out of him for going to bed so early. But he just flipped them off and took his medicine like a good little boy. He'd left nine hours before he needed to be awake that morning in case he had trouble getting off to sleep. He couldn't face returning to the infirmary if his ribs weren't strong enough and some second year ran into him again.

He lay on his back staring at the into the dark, all his curtains drawn around him. He wasn't remotely tired so it was a surprise to him when his eyelids began to feel heavy, he couldn't keep them open, his bed had never felt softer and he wondered what was in the medicine that suddenly made him feel like he was melting into a mattress made of clouds.

Within seconds, Logan was sleeping deeply.

Logan was in the castle, it was late but not so late that all the torches were out. Still, he shouldn't have been out of bed. The portraits lining the corridor away from the Slytherin common room ignored him though. They were all too used to students being out of bed when they shouldn't be. He kept quiet, and so did they. It wasn't unusual for him to be out this late, he often walked the castle when he couldn't sleep, it was that or listen to the boys in his dorm snore heavily.

His usual wanderings took him away from the main corridors where the prefects or teachers would patrol. That night, he ended up on the opposite side of the castle, near the astronomy tower. He'd been circling the staircase leading upwards planning to sit out under the stars for a while. As his hand rested on the cold brass doorknob, poised to turn it he heard a sob from the other side of the door.

His first instinct was to turn and leave whoever it was to their business; he wasn't a Hufflepuff or a Gryffindor he had no interest in this mystery person's plight. Only something about the hushed chocked sound drew him closer.

For a minute he just listened as if he could glean the situation from the sobbing, as if he could work out the person's identity from the muffled noises from the rooftop. He couldn't, obviously, so for some weird reason he walked through the door wanting to know, but not knowing why.

As he clicked the door shut behind him he heard a pause in the mystery girl's crying.

She hiccupped; trying to supress her cries now that she was no longer alone. Logan looked at her silhouette. He could tell it was a girl, first of course from her crying but second from the long hair down her back that he managed to pick out in the starlit darkness. The figure sat with her back to him, hugging her robe around her and her knees which were hugged to her chest. She shivered. He still didn't know who she was but he took off his own cloak and brought it over to her he laid it across her shoulders and sat next to her. Looking up at the sky. She turned to him and he looked at her for the first time, properly. She whispered a small 'thanks' and his eyes widened.

What was she of all people, doing sitting alone crying? They sat in silence for a few minutes longer and slowly her sobs receded into the darkness of the night. The noise was replaced instead by her quiet breathing and he looked back at her. He sat a considerable distance away, not wanting to impose but he wished he had sat closer. She must have felt him looking because she looked up and her eyes met his. She gave him a watery smile, "Would it be too much to ask you not to tell anyone?" her voice was unusually soft.
"I won't" she relaxed and thanked him again.
She made no move to leave so neither did he.

"So, care to share?" he broached.
"I was just dumped. Quite unceremoniously I might add" he chuckled, then realised she had been quite upset and immediately regretted it.
"Sorry"
"It's okay. I didn't like him all that much anyway"

That confused him. "Why are you so upset then?"
She laughed. A little bitterly. "Long story"
There was something about her here that was different than what he had expected. It was in her voice and in her eyes. She sounded much more intelligent, much more mature and sophisticated, he wondered where it was all coming from. It just made him want to know more.

"It's a long night..."

She smiled a little then shrugged, she had nothing to lose from telling him, "Okay so I may have accused my boyfriend's friend of having an affair with him… Needless to say she didn't appreciate it. She silenced me with some weird spell that glued my tongue to my mouth then basically dressed me down in front of the common room. I probably deserved it but at the time I wasn't thinking straight. She accused me of flirting with you earlier today and then unsilenced me. I slapped her. I didn't even mean to, I wasn't even angry at her; more at him, but I just did it"
"Did she hit you back?"
"No she was far too calm. She did threaten me though and she turned away, I pushed her. Again stupid, I know but I didn't like being told I would regret something."
"What did she do?"
"She spun around, disarmed me and used a Levicorpus before I could even grab my wand, then she stuck my clothes to me so they didn't fall down. She ignored me and I broke up with my boyfriend hanging upside down. He chose her over me. But I forced him to make the choice, so no surprise really"
"You still think he was cheating with her?"
"It's hard to tell. On the one hand he keeps giving her these looks that his other friends don't get and pays a lot of attention to her. On the other, she doesn't seem to notice or give them back. But she does spend a lot of time with him. I can't tell if he's really close or like in love with her."
"Forgive me for saying it but you don't seem too pissed about the break up. You don't even seem annoyed at- um...the girl…"
"Oh, it's Roxanne Weasley. And no I'm not really. I mean the relationship was fun and all but it's not real. That's what upset me so much today. The whole thing brought back some memories and feelings and I realised how messed up my life is. What I've done to myself" She had such sadness in her eyes she suddenly looked years older or maybe it was years younger, either way he felt like the expression shouldn't be there. Not on a face as beautiful as hers.
"What have you done to yourself?" he thought suddenly that maybe he'd overstepped the line. Perhaps not everything should be shared on a rooftop with a relative stranger.

She didn't answer straight away, and when she did he was confused by her response.
"Do you remember me from last year?"

He nodded. Confused by the question, but going along anyway.
"And the year before that?"

Again a nod.
"But what about second year? Do you remember me from then?" He paused.
"Did we have classes together?" She nodded, he was puzzled. Why did his memory of her only begin from third year?
"You don't remember me from before that because I didn't look like this. She gestured down at herself and he couldn't help following her hands with his eyes. Lingering on her chest and legs. He smiled sheepishly when she raised an eyebrow.
"Sorry"
Rolling her eyes, she continued, "I wasn't popular then, I had muggle braces, glasses that didn't fit, I was gangly and taller than everyone else my age... I had only a handful of friends, people like me. A little group of misfits, that didn't integrate very well. We were all quiet and just sort of grouped together. Most people ignored us or wrote us off as typical Ravenclaws. I guess we were. Sort of. I used to look at the popular girls, even back then before puberty made them ten times more popular. I used to look at their group and think that that was friendship. That being liked, fitting in, I used to think that was what was important. I didn't have either of those things but I desperately craved them. I remember this one conversation with Ava; we were talking about why people didn't talk to us or notice us and she had this theory that they were intimidated by us and how clever we were. She said they felt threatened. I took it a bit too seriously."

She paused, but he didn't want her to stop.

"What did you do?"
"I decided I'd stop answering so many questions in lessons, I let my grades drop a little. Then one day after class I walked over to the popular girls and said hello, I held out my hand and introduced myself. That was all, I just walked up and said, "Hello, I'm Florence, pleased to meet you" My hand was just there, nobody took it. None of them said anything and they all stared at me till I walked off. Of course, I tripped on my way out. I remember hearing their laughter as I left, both at the fall and the fact I thought I could talk to them. They found it hilarious I thought I was worthy of them.

My friends didn't understand why I did it. None of them had any desire to be popular but they didn't comment; they looked at me with sad eyes and I could just tell. They pitied me. They pitied my desire to be popular, they believed I couldn't do it. They knew just as much as the popular girls did that I wasn't one of them and that I didn't belong. I wasn't worthy.

Even the people I thought I fitted in with looked down at me. I was lesser for wanting more. They thought it pointless to crave something out of my reach. One of them told me to forget the other girls, she said I'd never be one of them. I thought she was being harsh. I told her if I wanted to I could, I told her it would be easy and turns out it was Now I realise she was just trying to save me."

"I spent the remainder of my second year watching them. I watched their interactions, analysed their behaviour. The way they dressed, walked, talked, ate. It was like some sort of study, like I was working out the social dynamics of a pack of animals or something. Then over summer, I showed my friends just how easy it all was. I dyed my hair. Got my braces removed, used contacts, bought new clothes, started dressing differently. I became like them, Logan and it was so easy. When my old friends saw me they knew what I was doing straight away. They stopped talking to me, thinking I wanted better friends than them. And if truth be told at the time I thought I did. I wanted popular friends, and they just weren't that. The next week I went about my classes as my new self and one of them actually approached me. I pretended to pay little attention to her but agreed I would sit with them at lunch like she asked. I became so popular so fast and it was all fake. It was like this huge experiment for me, I acted a certain way and was treated how I'd wanted to be. I felt so powerful, I had fooled them all and soon was more popular than half of the group. I'd managed to manipulate them all into liking me. Of course none of them even noticed I was the girl they laughed at. The one they'd ignored. Because she was gangly and nerdy they'd never dream anyone like that could be so like them. The problem is, I realised while my old friends may have been a little critical, they were only looking out for me; my new life, I got bored of it. The girls weren't as close from the inside as they looked from the out and I forgot I actually loved stimulating conversation. I then came to the conclusion that no matter how boring or unfulfilling my new life was- my old one was worse. I couldn't go back; it was too late and my old friends wouldn't accept me anyway. So I just carried on. I got more and more into the role, the popular Florence, I got average grades, hot boyfriends, made girls jealous, I did and I still do what is expected of me. It's a game. "

It was almost funny, the whole situation sounded like something from a novel. Or some other work of fiction. It didn't seem at all plausible but at the same time nothing about her here and now seemed fictional. She was perhaps the realest he'd ever known anyone to be.

She laughed again, "Sometimes I get a kick out of it, the girls in the group are jealous of me now, they want to be like me and I remember all the effort I put into being like them. I remember their laughter and I get a sick joy from knowing the tables have turned and I was the one to do it. Then tonight when I hung upside down and I heard the laughter I remembered when the other girls had laughed at me for daring to introduce myself. And I remembered the girl I am now. The girl I appear to be isn't me, but then it is. You are who you pretend to be and I've been doing this for so long I've turned into her. All this time I've been convincing myself I'm a great actress. I've been congratulating myself for doing so well socially, by managing to keep myself hidden but still there. Then I realised before, I never would have called a girl a slut and slapped her across the face but I did tonight without question. That's what I've done to myself Logan. I've lost myself and I don't know who I am anymore."

So much of what she was saying felt familiar to him, sure he didn't have to change himself to fit in at school but the pretence was reminiscent of his life growing up at home. Before he'd had the confidence to stand up to his mum and rebel a little, he'd acted just how she'd wanted him to. He'd played a role in a way too. Only while he was out of it now, Florence was being well and truly consumed by hers. And that stunned him. Never before had he imagined feelings so complex to come from one person let alone a person like her, or who behaved like her. He scooted closer and put an arm round her shoulders, she rested her head on his chest and she cried. He soothed her and stroked her hair.

"You can be you again, if you want. Just drop all the pretence and go back"
"I can't. Don't you see? I might not have real friends now, but if I go back I have none. My old friends have moved on and they aren't even misfits anymore. I just wish I'd held on. It wasn't even that bad and it would have gotten better"
"You can't change that now. But why don't you try talking to them? Tell them what you told me, you were young and insecure and you did things that you regret. They'll understand" he rubbed his hand up and down her shoulders trying to warm her and himself.
"You think so?" She sounded hopeful and so young.
"Yeah I don't see why not. Ava's a great girl, her friends seem to be too."
"But what if they don't? I'll have to stay with Sam and the rest"
"You could just try being you regardless of other people. If you be you, people will warm to you more, you'll make new friends"
"But I can't guarantee that, I can't be sure"
"Exactly. You can't, the only guarantee is with the group you are now, but you're not happy there; so maybe you just need to take a few risks. Stop calculating so much?"

"I guess… Thank you, Logan. I'm sorry I wasted your night spilling my heart out. "
"It was a pleasure. I'm kinda glad you did" he looked at her, little dark streaks where her tears had moved her makeup, he smudged one of the streaks with his thumb. She leaned her face into his hand and before he knew it she had moved closer still and they were kissing.

When Logan woke up that morning, there was no more dull ache in his ribs. He ran his hands along his sides gingerly and found no pain with increasing pressure. Clearly, the meds had done their job. Only now, he had to suffer the consequences, because now thanks to the bloody dream, all he had on his mind was Florence; he was thinking about what had happened after the kiss. They'd sat and talked until the sun had come up, he'd said he would help her if she decided she wanted to be the old Florence again. They'd kissed some more too, never really commenting on it. Just kissing. He said he'd be there for her, only since then she hadn't seemed to want him to.

Florence had carried on hanging around with Samantha and the rest of them, she'd continued to not pay attention in class, as far as he could see, her grades hadn't improved. She hadn't said a word of it to him since, and the few looks that had passed between them across the classroom were playful and flirty from her, the way she had been looking at him before their night-time encounter. Nothing he had seen her do since made him think she wanted to change, so after a week of half-waiting for Florence to talk to him as the real her, or come to him for help; he forgot about her. Or rather made himself forget, he'd been a little reluctant to do so; that night had felt too personal and deep to ignore but she made effort on the subject so neither did he. It had to come from her, he kept telling himself.

Roxanne had helped him forget Florence too. That night with Florence had been the reason he had thought there might be something between Roxanne and Scorpius (she hadn't been sure after all), he remembered when she'd been angry at him for suggesting there was truth to the rumours. His apology had brought them closer, and sort of been when the idea of actually dating her firmed itself in his head. Now, he realised, he might have more apologising to do. That card, had so obviously been from Florence, and while they hadn't been together when the 'night under the stars' had happened, Logan couldn't imagine Roxanne would appreciate not being told about it and then being lied to.~

A/N:

Soooo what does every one think?

There's history between our very own St. Logan and Florence! Just to clarify- he didn't cheat on Rox. The 'night under the stars' happened way back when Florence broke up with Scorpie so after they'd started talking but before they were a thing. Flo ended up crying on the Astronomy tower after her upside-down ordeal.

I've had that section written out for aggesssss. I wasn't sure if I should include it though but it sort of solved two problems in one- here we've got Florence's reasons for being a bitch, anddd a little secret all in one dream/flashback type thing. Hope it's not too 'mean girls' and that it's at least a bit believable, I didn't want to trivialise it. Florence was a very insecure first and second year (definitely still is); she didn't have the kind of friends Roxanne did and pretty much no confidence/support, her being the way she is now comes from a confused place back then and I hope that comes across to you guys.

Please let me know what you thought of it, and what- if anything, you think will come from it.

Hopefully the next update won't be so far in the future!

Can't make any promises though because I just realised last time I said the next chap would be up within the week and we all know that turned out to be a dirty rotten lie. (I swear I didn't mean it to be!)

Anyway, I've got to get back to all the work I'm putting off, let me know what you thought of this chap and what you think is coming in the future. (reviews will remind me to write too!)

Thanks for being so patient,

Love Cookie xxx