My Loins are on Fire

Jace took a handful of streamers and draped it over a chair, standing back to admire his amazing decorating skills. He piled some more streamers onto the chair and felt he had done his part in the decorating.

"Oh, thanks for gathering all the streamers, Jace." Magnus said, taking all the colourful ribbons off the chair and walking back into the other room.

"Hey, those were artistically placed!" Jace called, only really half offended. "I don't see why this is such a big deal," he called to the people in the other room. "I know it's his birthday, but you know the difference between 'tween' and 'teen' isn't real." He walked slowly into the other room where everyone was busily decorating.

"Of course it's not real, since time is an illusion and you could die at any time," Clary agreed, then cleared her throat, probably realizing how dark what she just said was. "I mean… don't be silly! This is a big milestone for Max and we need to celebrate!" Clary threw a handful of glitter into the air in celebration, and immediately felt bad for making a mess, so she bent down to pick up each individual piece. "I'm gonna go check on the baby," she said shamefully.

There was a sharp knocking on the door, and everyone turned towards the entrance hall, expecting the guest of honour. The tall door swung open and the person who stepped through was not the person everyone was expecting. Or that anyone wanted to see.

"Eric, get out."

The tall, lanky boy smiled, as though this was a welcome greeting. "Nah, I'm here for my poetry reading. It's my first real gig."

"What?" Alec squinted at him, then at Jace, then back at Eric, then back at Jace. "You didn't."

Jace snickered, nodding his head. "I did."

Eric pulled a small notebook out of his scarf pocket, flipping to a random page. "Can I read you guys a quick draft for some feedback?"

"NO!" everyone yelled, loudly and in unison.

"Yes," Jace said after, which seemed to be enough, because Eric smiled and cleared his throat. "I'm gonna go check on the baby," he said, leaving to go into the other room and up the stairs to the nursery. There, Clary sat on the floor beside the baby. James was lying on the ground, a mobile spinning above him as he reached for the giraffes that hung inches from his face.

Clary sat cross-legged, her long red hair swept to one side as she tilted her head to look at the baby, and a sad smile crept onto her face. "I wonder what colour your eyes will be," she mumbled, playing with his little feet. "Or maybe they'll stay blue, who knows."

James smiled up at her, tilting his head as he let out a big shit. Clary sighed, taking that as her queue to lift the baby onto the changing table. Then reached to undo the velcro on the diaper—

"What are you doing?" Jace interrupted, moving from his place where he leaned against the door.

Clary turned, only a little startled (since she was kind of used to his creeping by now) and tried not to laugh. "I'm changing his diaper. That's what you do when a baby—"

"No, no, I understand, but you gotta let him finish first! That thing is like a ticking time bomb. If you open it too soon, it's bye-bye pretty white blouse."

Clary laughed, backing away from the table and walking over to Jace. "Fine, then I guess we're both stuck here until the baby is done pooping."

"Ah, yes, the best pretext to talk to a pretty girl."

Clary chuckled, shaking her head. "Yeah, you seem like the type to flirt with girls a lot."

"Yes, that is the impression most girls get from me, which is why they always come over to talk to me. But I don't usually flirt back." He winked at Clary, giving her a panty-dropping smile. "Usually."

Clary rolled her eyes, trying not to show how much she was falling for his charm or how weak her knees felt. She turned back towards the baby, trying to ignore the hot slice of man meat behind her as she took off the diaper.

"We should probably head back downstairs soon," Jace said from behind her. "Eric should be done his poetry reading right about now."

"Who's Eric?" Clary asked, hoisting a now-clean James onto her hip as she walked out of the room, Jace on her heels.

"Oh, you'll love him. He's a really great influence in Max's life."

When they reached the staircase, Jace heard a loud clanging sound and what could only be described as a bunch of old, asthmatic church ladies gasping. As they reached the bottom of the stairs, they saw what could only be a scene from a horror movie. Max lay on the ground surrounded by confetti and blood, face down, presumably dead. Everyone around him stood with a shocked look on their face, frozen.

"What the hell happened?" Clary demanded as she descended the stairs. "I've been gone for 5 minutes and the birthday boy already came and went?" She stopped in front of the crime scene, clutching the baby close with one hand and grabbing a drink out of Magnus's hand with the other, taking a long sip.

"He's not dead!" Magnus said defensively, his hands up. "At least I don't think he's dead. When he came in I triggered the confetti shower, but one of the buckets fell and hit him in the head. He's just unconscious."

"Or dead," Maryse sobbed.

"Why does he look like he's dressed for his own funeral?" Jace asked, noting his black tee-shirt and leather pants.

Clary rolled her eyes, throwing her drink onto the unconscious boy's head. He gasped, lifting his head off the tile slowly to reveal a small cut on his forehead. He looked up at Clary with wide eyes. "Are you an angel?"

"Are you wearing eyeliner?" Jace demanded, helping Max up from the pile of glitter.

The boy shrugged, fixing his Black Veil Brides shirt. "I'm thirteen now. These are my emo-phase clothes."

"Max," Jace said, patting the other boy on the shoulder. "I'm only saying this because I love you. Go take that shit off, you look awful."

Max nodded, patting Jace on the shoulder in return. "Thank you for your honesty." He turned to leave, slapping Clary's ass on the way out.

OoOoOoO

Clary took a bite of her whole pig as John did the same on his end of the video chat. "And all I have to do is take care of their cute baby all day and they pay me tons and let me live in their basement!" Clary exclaimed around a mouth full of pork. She took her time to swallow before speaking again. "So what's new with you?" she asked, shoving more pig into her mouth.

John shrugged, swallowing what pig he had been chewing. "I have a new client. He's really nice. And cute. He's stuck in a really awful and abusive relationship with this crazy bitch that he started dating in high school."

"Ouch," Clary said, digging her fork in for more. "You should make a move."

"Clary, that's inappropriate."

"I'm just saying, you could always just subtly hint that you're single, and really buff so you could protect him from his tiny, probably only mildly scary girlfriend."

"Clary, you're making me uncomfortable."

"Oh come on, what's the point of being a psychiatrist if you're not getting some fries with your burger?"

"I'm leaving," John said, reaching for his phone.

"No wait!" Clary spat a bit of pig. "I miss you. We haven't seen each other in weeks."

"Clary, it's been three days."

"That doesn't make me miss you less," she pouted. "Can you make some room in your very busy doctor schedule for your poor, lonely sister?"

John nodded, a bit of his smile returning. "Yes, we'll hang out soon. I'll call you again same time next week?"

Clary nodded, waving goodbye as she shoved her whole face directly into the pig.

Sorry we missed a week in updating. Hopefully we can keep up with it better for the rest of this story.

Please review!

xoxo

R&A