"Today, we are going to learn one of the most wonderful things about being a heterosexual. Friendship. So what I'd like you to all do, is to start partnering off, find yourself a friend for the remainder of the program."
There was a scramble as everyone tried to find a friend. Dave and Kurt partnered up, as did Sebastian and Blaine. Mike looked around awkwardly. Tina and Rachel were sitting next to each other so they partnered up, leaving Brittany and Santana staring at each other.
"Mike, since there is an odd number of boys, I've asked Will to be your friend." Emma commented.
"Now that we have all found someone, what I'd like you to do is practice sometime tonight with these." She held up what appeared to be packs of cards.
"Santana, can I sit with you?" Brittany asked brightly, holding her dinner tray. "Since we're friends now."
Santana rolled her eyes. "Just because Emma says we're friends doesn't make us friends. Girls like you aren't friends with girls like me.
"What do you mean, girls like me?"
"You're popular. I bet you make fun of kids like me."
"I don't. Well, sometimes Quinn does, she's my best friend back home, but I don't like being mean to people so I don't."
Santana laughed. "Sure. I've had too many popular kids slushy me to buy that. If we were in the real world you'd never talk to me." She paused, then raised her eyebrow. "Unless you wanted to get in my pants."
"Santana!" Brittany said, scandalized. "We're not supposed to think about that."
"So you don't think I'm hot?"
Brittany didn't know how to answer that. She felt her face get warm. Santana reached over and zapped her with the aversion therapy stick.
"Ow! What was that for?"
Santana just smirked. She stood up. Before she walked away, she bent down to Brittany's ear. "I think you're hot too."
Brittany's face got even warmer.
The friends were then partnered up whenever they had group activities. The next day, Emma brought in baby dolls for them to practice taking care of.
"Now, we're going to learn how to change your baby's diaper. First thing we do is pull these tabs out. Then, you fold it over."
Santana was struggling with the tabs.
"You're doing it all wrong." Brittany insisted.
"No, I'm not." Santana seethed. They started struggling over the baby doll.
"Girls! Intervene!" Emma said, walking over to stop the fight. Just then, the diaper fell off and it squirted blue liquid right into her face. Emma shrieked.
"I'll…I'll be right back. You keep practicing!" she squeaked, rushing out of the room.
Both Santana and Brittany giggled, catching each other's eyes. Suddenly Brittany had a vision of taking care of a real baby with another woman. It didn't seem so bad to her. Sure seemed better than having one with a man.
"Well excuse me, but we're paying a lot of money here to get these kids fixed, not to sit around and listen to stories all day. Santana, I hope you're getting a lot more out of this program than that faggot over there."
"Mr. Lopez, I don't find that appropriate." Sue intervened.
"No. He's right. It was a stupid root. I'm never going to know why I am a faggot." Sebastian said, looking down. Brittany rolled her eyes. Was this really fooling his parents? Sebastian was so clearly faking everything he said.
"I've heard enough of this crap. When we get back from Switzerland, you better have this gay thing out of your system, got it?"
"I got it." Santana said sadly.
"Or no college, no car, no trust fund." He said, leaving the room. Santana followed him outside. Brittany watched sadly. Santana looked so sad. And her dad didn't really seem like he loved her. She caught Santana's eye through the window, but the Latina girl looked away quickly, not wanting to be caught vulnerable.
"Brittany. It's your turn to report out your root."
"I think…it was popularity." She was glad Santana wasn't here for this, actually. "When I got to high school and became a cheerleader, suddenly I was popular. I started going to parties, and um, drinking. Sorry mom and dad. But they pressured me. And then girls would make out, for the guys, you know. But well, I liked it."
"That's wonderful, Brittany. Basically, your root is our entire culture that glorifies teen promiscuity and female same-sex experimentation. You felt like what you were feeling wasn't even wrong, as I recall, because it is so pervasive. Wonderful, you've found your root!" Sue said.
"In order to start healing, I want you to write a song." Emma said. "It's very therapeutic. And it's good to put your feelings down."
Brittany sat down next to Santana with her song (or really, cheer) lyrics to work on. Santana was smoking.
"What is that?" she asked.
"I'm stuck on 5,6,7,8 God is good"
"God is straight." Santana jumped in.
"Hey that's good."
She could tell Santana was judging her. "It's not supposed to be smart. Cheers are simple, they make people feel good."
"Cheers make girls do stupid cartwheels for boys. Orgasms make people feel good."
Brittany didn't know what to say to that.
"You shouldn't smoke. My cat started smoking, and now he's addicted and he can't stop."
Santana just stared at her. She tried another tactic.
"I'm sure your dad wouldn't like it if he found out you smoked."
Santana laughed bitterly. "If it made me straight, he wouldn't care."
"Smoking makes you straight?"
"Wow, I thought it was just an act, but you really do buy this crap?"
"What do you mean?"
"This is bullshit, Brittany. You are who you are, the only trick is not getting caught."
"How'd you end up here?"
"I got caught." Santana said simply. "I had this friend…we just spent a little too much time together."
"What were you doing?" Brittany asked.
"What do you think?" she paused. "My stepmom caught us in my room one day and sent me here."
"Were you in love with her?" Brittany asked.
Santana sniffed and stood up. "Does it matter?"
Brittany had an overwhelming urge to comfort the other girl. She reached up and tried to take her hand.
"Careful." Santana said. "I could report you for that."
But the emotional dam had been broken, and over the next few days, Brittany and Santana actually developed something that could be considered a friendship.
"I thought about being a cheerleader, you know." Santana said one day at lunch.
"Really?"
The shorter girl nodded. "I did gymnastics for years. But the cheerleaders at my school pretty much suck. They just stand there and yell. And they don't even cheer for our girls' sports teams, they cheer for our brother school's teams, which seemed really sexist to me. So I joined Glee instead."
"Oh. We do a lot of standing and yelling, but some of us can do things. I can't do a lot of gymnastics, but I can dance, so I like it. We don't have a Glee club, I wish we did. I would have joined that too."
"You sing?"
Brittany shrugged. "I don't think I'm great, but I can carry a tune. But mostly it's because of the dancing. I love to dance."
Santana smiled. "I've noticed you dancing around here a little. I can tell you're good from the way you move."
Brittany blushed, filing away the knowledge that Santana had been paying attention to her.