Based slightly on real events and in South Park.
Warning:
-Tweek might be a bit OC
-Mental illness and suicide will be mentioned or discussed
-This is shown through my vision and experiences
Dear Craig:
How do I start? How? I love you. I guess that's the best way. You know that already though...you always knew...I tried to make sure you did. I tried to make you special...I love you with all my heart and soul. But sadly I am weak. I am weak my love...god I'm so sorry you had to find me like this...or find out like this.
I'm scared.
Scared of everything.
Maybe you knew...maybe you didn't.
Who knows?
Honestly...I don't fault you for anything. For not knowing what to do, for not being there when I was shaking in the nurse's bed, for not responding days on end, for being cold as ice, for paying more attention to males who were gay or anyone else in general...To tell the truth...I can't really say it's your fault. I was...overwhelming, clingy, boring, introverted, and maybe a bit too sweet...I may have asked for too much.
I apologize.
I'm sorry...
I did not wish to suffocate you.
And I guess...I kinda already granted you in a bad way your wish...I'm letting you befree...at last and also, I won't be with anyone else either afterward, no need to worry. I promise. I got my own wish granted as well...The voices and depression stopped at last. Though I am not sure if I am happy or less lonely.
I do not know where I'm going, But I hope it's somewhere good...
I love you. I love you...never forget how much I loved you...can you remember the good moments we shared? As friends? As lovers?
I feel a bit sad, to be honest...I wish I could hug you and kiss you again...or even better, you would hug me and kiss me. But...I know you wouldn't, it's too much to ask, I am afraid that you might take it as offensive. Or as if I'm asking you to change. No...I don't want that.
But...here I am...somewhere none of us know where...I am almost sure that by the time you are reading this I am dead. I'm sorry I couldn't be able to stop the voices...it was just too much...I hated myself so much. And they wouldn't shut up...
I know you think this is your fault, and I wish to stop you right there.
THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
It isn't, it never will be. I had a condition, I wasn't able to battle. Things happen...things like this can happen...I was weak...and I took the pills. I wish I was stronger. But I wasn't.
I'm so sorry...
Please smile...smile again...I loved the twinkle in your eyes when you spoke about things you loved.
Do you remember the day you asked me to marry you?
I was so happy.
I wish I could have married you in real life... it's silly...but it's true...I wish I could have...but I had nothing to give. I love you, my dear, I wanted to give you all...I wanted to...but I didn't.
Even when you were sad you were beautiful too, all your phases were beautiful, all though some did pain me. I loved and adored them all the same. You never judged me, you accepted me...I could never EVER repay such a wonderful thing...you were there...you were there in my worst and best. You saw me crumble and fall. You saw me build back up...
But...now I wish in my heart it isn't you who finds me sleeping forever. I don't know how you will react...I can't imagine...I am scared.
Those little gifts, strokes...so small things you did, they meant the world to me...
And you told me they meant the world to you too...yet you pushed me away. I couldn't handle the idea of being alone anymore...of feeling alone all though you were sitting by my side. I wished to be hugged by you like you used to...but rumors scared you with good reason if your family knew...we know what would happen...Hopefully, someday you can be free and happy.
Thank you.
That was the letter I left in his locker. It was time, everyone was in class and I was now in the playground. I wish things could be different. I wish we could have loved each other... But, that didn't happen. I took out my sleeping pills and my thermos. If I was gonna die, I would do it with coffee. I rested on the slide like some kind of fairytale princess, drank a bunch of pills along with the coffee, and waited.
I will be watching him and my friends...
I will...
BEEP BEEP BEEP!
I jumped with a start gasping for air, I could feel the cold sweat running down my body. Yet, this wasn't the school, nor was it a hospital: it was my room! How!? I rushed to my mirror and gasped. This face... My phone showed the date, this was about six months before our relationship and my confession. Seven years before my suicide I think. Fuck! I can't! It's like my life was a lie! I never confessed to Craig, thus we never broke up! I'm safe for now.
It's not February, and I must, no matter what, avoid confessing to Craig, and also if I try, not to do it in February. Yes! He won't be breaking up all the time, nor will we end up like sexed-up maniacs every time we leave each other! My heart will be fine! Yes! Our hearts...will be ok... At least...I think he will be fine.
The annoying ticks and shaking were not leaving me, but no voices yet, that was good. Gha! Two! My cousin lives with me! Our companies fused, and she has a talking sunburned tanuki as a pet instead of a bunny! Goddammit! I didn't drink enough coffee in a lifetime for this! Well, at least I haven't been locked up yet! And…nobody remembers or cares about my powers…
Well, no. Only Petal Kendrick, my cousin, and Boleyn, her tanuki, know. Why? Because the motherfucker is some kind of spiritual thing born from Apollo or some shit like that! Dunno, the point is that the dude gave us some sort of armor thingies! And now I am Pollux fucking Gemini or some shit like that. For some reason I am a hero with powers…and she well, has only powers if I lend them to her? I dunno! I can't explain…
This means, I am not medicated yet, I am still vulnerable towards my emotions. I have a second chance I never wanted...but I might be able to change things. I clenched my fist, I've decided, I'll try to have a better life and perhaps a better relationship. I have been so into my thoughts, I did everything automatically, as of now, I am sitting with my strawberry blonde causing...and an asshole.
"..And thus we need to then find Artemis' and Orion!"
"B-But…"
"C'mon! Don't be pussies about it!"
"Gha! We can't just go and ask people!" I yelled at Ballsy, we call him that because he is.
"There are many heroes here, right? So, find them!" this stupid tanuki!
"I wish Puff-puff was here instead of you!"
"That thing doesn't exist!"
"Right, you have been talking about Puff-puff for a while Tweek…" said Petal, we were in my room so she didn't stutter if there were no people or cold air. "Was he in your other life?"
"Instead of Ball? Yea! He even was trained to hunt underpants gnomes!"
"I can kill underpants gnomes too!"
"You would only burn them and the house down to prove your point!" said Petal. "But, seriously, what is so important about this zodiac, Orion ad Artemis!"
"We need them to protect the world and the power of hope!" sighed Boleyn crossing his arms. "Plus, you will be responsible for also wielding the power and protecting the source of the blue emotional spectrum!"
"Well…" I closed my eyes. "I don't remember v-very well about that…"
"Of course you don't!"
"Um, but what is the blue emotional spectrum?" interrupted Petal.
"Let's just say, the power of your imagination can be turned into blue thingies and help you…like a green lantern but blue"
"But, nobody is playing superhero right now! A-and I-I am not gonna go and t-talk to them about something so weird!" I protested.
"You gotta! Or I will make underpants gnomes steal all of them and put them in your room!"
"HOW THE FIZZITYUP AM I SUPPOSED TO FIND THEM?! AHHHH, ITS TOO MUCH PRESSURE MAN!"
"Well, duh! you'll see their aura of hope! It's called Cosmo! The bigger and shinier, the more likely they are to be our goddess Artemis or her lover, Orion!"
"THAT DOESN'T EXPLAIN ANYTHING, YOU OVERGROWN TESTICLE ILLUSIONIST!" We yelled at the same time.
"Well, then, why don't you two go, and battle with the other kids at the supposedly medieval times!"
"They haven't invited us," I said with a huff. "Plus! Carman is being more of an asshole than usual!"
"That's just 'cause there are new kids" Boleyn rolled his eyes. What would he know!? I have seen this life twice now it ain't easy! Much less with that fatass!
"I-I have an idea…" both of us looked at Petal. "L-Look, he doesn't let girls play, but…K-Kyle does" oh for fucks sake… she's blushing?! No! She can't get hurt by a guy like I did! "How about if I go and ask if I can play? A-and maybe, Cartman will then ask for you!"
"Perfect! Do that! We're leaving you!"
"WHAT! NO! WAIT! DON'T L-" aaannnddd they left. God fuckin dammit, so now I'm all alone.
I left for the store and started to sweep the back room, hopefully, nobody will come in today. I have too much shit to deal with… Amongst them? Find a way to not be an idiot in front of Craig…
I sighed, it's almost impossible! Sure, we beat each other up that once…but it made us notice each other. We talked more from then on…he was always by my side. I can feel the pain in my heart, how cold and indifferent he became once we had started to go out in my past life. He had treated me differently, he hadn't gotten scared or creeped out of me. He comforted me when my heart had been played or broken, he was the first to find out I was gay when I was twelve. He didn't say a word…and when I go the gusts to ask him out.-
"Uh, are you Tweek?"
"GHAAA! WHO THE FUCK WHAT EH!?" There stood a girl with two black braids fidgeting with an envelope nervously. Behind her was Keny, well, PRINCESS Kenny, I never get what he thinks but he looks very out of it and happy.
"We came to give you a letter…Barbarian!"
"I AM NOT A BARBARIAN!" I yelled with a huff. "And now? You guys need me now! Oh, there's o way man!" They are… glowing fucking blue, my retinas are gonna burst. Wait… Oh shit, these are Artemis and Orion? Well, fuck.
"Then, what are you?" asked the new girl.
"I'm a druid!" Yea, that's a great replacement, because like hell am I gonna go out there without a sweater or proper clothes again. I don't want Craig to see me that way! I will change that part in this lifetime at least! Oh, yea, and not confess about my gayness…
"Then, druid, are-"
"I HAVE WAY TOO MUCH TO DO! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ALL THIS?" I was about to grab her shoulders only to find myself grabbing Kenny. When the hell did, they change places? I was shaking him back and forth "Wait-YOU GUYS!" I grinned taking out my paper slip, I wasn't going to miss this golden opportunity. "Could you go to the four o'clock delivery for me? If you do, I can finish here and-and then I- have time to play!" I let go of him and widen my eyes. "Pleeeaaseee! It's at princess Kenny's house! Just give them the paper and they'll give you the delivery!"
"Yass! We can!" Of course, Kenny would say yes, he will be dragging his crush into his house. Hopefully, she still comes out a virgin.
I'm so glad there are two pick up spots. One I already took, ad it's for our normal customers, it comes from my uncle's side, you know, Starbucks. This place is called Bro-Bucks. It's a bad name, I know. The other part is the extra/local. It's basically Coffee for crackheads. And, well, it's at Kenny's house. They left. Good, well I mean apart from the strange talk I had with my cousin and that furball, my day hasn't been THAT out of the ordinary nor bad. I just hope there won't be more vampires tonight! Yesterday they were a fucking pain to eliminate. Nothing could go wrong besides that!