SO

I am SO sorry for the months of radio silence! Obviously with everything that's going on in the world right now, and the fact that I'm a nurse, I've been VERY preoccupied with work!

However, I have 2 weeks off at long last and will do my absolute best to get this story finished!

I hope you're all staying safe, and you're happy and healthy!

JL x

Days passed since their last encounter, and she had yet to see him again.

Kylo had woken from his sleep, having been there for much longer than either of them expected, sat bolt-upright and straightened himself, before leaving her quarters without another word or glance in her direction.

She didn't understand.

What had changed?

She tried leaving her rooms to find him that evening, but was stopped short by her vigilant guards. He hadn't come to her for their evening meal, only one tray had been delivered. He never came to escort her to Chamberlain's office in the morning, or indeed any morning since. He had not sent any messages or explanations to her.

She was trapped, alone and confused in her rooms, her only contact being with whomever delivered her food and the soldiers that kept her imprisoned there.

And she hadn't the faintest idea why.

Three full days had passed since he had removed himself from her presence, and she was beginning to feel agitated. How could he settle himself so quickly into her life, their relationship moving at such speed, and then simply drop off the radar as though she was nothing to him? If something had happened in the wrong way, if it was anything at all to do with herself, she needed to know.

For the umpteenth time, she found herself standing at the threshold of her front doors, arms folded and demanding to be allowed to pass the two uniforms stood before her, and for the umpteenth time they denied her. She was about to turn back and let the doors close behind her when she saw him.

A flash of black fabric, billowing cape, black metal and mesh looking her way.

He wasn't walking past, definitely towards her.

He stopped in front of his men, and they immediately stood aside for him, as did Jay. Turning on the spot, she followed him into her rooms, hearing the doors hiss closed behind her.

Before he had even finished removing his helmet, she began her assault.

"Where have you been for the last three days? I tried asking, but nobody would tell me. If I did something that upset or offended you, you need to know that I did so unintentionally! All I wanted was an explanation, but I've heard nothing, from anyone! I don't understand Kylo, it all seemed so positive"

He watched her intently as she interrogated him, it wasn't unreasonable, what she was saying, at least she didn't think it was. She deserved to know what had caused him to stay away from her, after their relationship only seemed to be improving.

After a long moment of silence and looking her up and down carefully, he answered

"I thought it was best, for both of us"

She couldn't hide the confusion that crossed over her face, and furrowed her brows at him, trying to understand his meaning

"You thought...it was best?" She felt the frustration rise slowly within her. "You assumed that leaving without a word of explanation or reason was best? I've sat here for three days in near-silence, wondering what I could have done to hurt you, creating more and more ridiculous theories as to what I'd done wrong, and that's your answer?"

She was seething.

One week ago she never would have dreamed of speaking to him like this, but after their short time together, growing closer and more trusting so quickly, she was livid.

He thought carefully before speaking again.

"We were growing too comfortable, too close and too quickly. I couldn't control myself around you, and I was afraid that I might go too far, that we might go too far. I needed to distance myself from you, to practice some self-control. It was the most logical option."

He looked away for a second before meeting her eyes again

"I shouldn't have let myself become so careless around you, I'm sorry"

It felt like her heart was slowly heating to the point of burning, it hurt.

He regretted their growing feelings for one another.

She couldn't meet his eyes as she sat herself down and folded her hands in her lap. What was she supposed to do? She couldn't bring herself to remain angry with him, he was as inexperienced in these matters as she was and just because her best option would have been to talk it through with him, she couldn't expect his reaction to be the same.

After a moment he dropped into the seat beside her and mirrored her position, clasping his hands and staring straight ahead. He sighed before speaking

"I don't know what I'm meant to do now. Please don't think that I want to stay away from you, I want nothing less than that, but these encounters of ours, I don't know how to ... process what I'm feeling. I feel as though I've been set alight, my instincts are telling me to devour you completely and I'm only just catching myself before I do. I don't want to be that, not to you, you need more than that and I simply don't know how to give it."

Jay could see the conflict behind his eyes, he was trying so hard to treat her better than his previous women, tuning himself to her needs while ignoring his own. It was astounding and heartbreaking in equal measure.

She reached over and grasped one of his large leather-clad hands in hers, and he met her gaze. She wanted him too, she would never deny that, he had been her every waking thought for days and each day of frustration at his absence only made her crave him more. She was undeniably attracted to him, in both body and soul, and At this moment she wanted nothing more than to ease his turmoil.

"Don't ever assume that I see you the way anyone before me has, I don't. You're already so much more to me than you give yourself credit for"

She brought her hand up to cradle his jaw, and he melted into her touch, relishing in it after an agonizingly long absence from her. As he relaxed, she scooted closer to him and smiled softly

"Don't think, do what your heart wills you to"

She initiated her next move and brought her lips up to meet his.

Immediately his facade melted away, and his shoulders noticeably relaxed as one hand came to rest on Jay's knee, the other snaking around her waist and gripping the soft fabric nestled in the small of her back. A deep growl rumbled through his chest as her nails softly raked down the back of his neck, splaying out under the fabric of his collar and resting on the dense muscle that connected his shoulders across his back.

All at once they moved, his hand moving now to the back of her knees and pulling her roughly forwards so her legs draped over his own, tightening her against him with his other. Jay's fingers found their way back up to his roots and tugged, flexing her forearms to pull herself gently closer to him.

Their lips moved frantically, hungrily over each others as they held each other too tightly, too closely, and yet not closely enough for either of their liking. Kylo pressed the tip of his tongue against her soft lips, and she immediately granted him entry, moaning into him as he laced it with hers, exploring her.

They moved like waves, crashing against each other and fluidly fitting together. Their hands skimmed across every available dip and curve in each others figure, whimpers and growls echoing in the open space of her quarters.

Coming up for air, she slowly pulled her face away from his by a few inches, lightly pulling as his lower lip with her teeth. As she looked into his eyes she saw no trace of the honey-coloured flecks she had noticed previously, just darkness. His pupils had taken over much of his irises, and they were filled with pure heat, pure lust and want.

For her.

He inhaled deeply, blowing out ragged breaths as he pulled her head back up towards his and rested his forehead against hers. His black waves tickled at her cheeks as their breath ruffled his hair, and Jay reached both of her hands around to rake her fingers towards the back of his head, moving his hair out of their faces.

Kylo's hands slid down her sides and came to rest on her waist, his thumbs pressing lightly into her stomach and massaging her in small circles. Neither of them spoke for a while, too busy watching the hunger slowly dissipate in each others eyes, though it never left either of them.

He was the first to speak, his voice slightly hoarse

"Now you see why its safer if I distance myself from you for a while"

She let out a humoured breath through her nose before she replied

"No, I absolutely don't see why"

His eyes crinkled in humour as he smiled widely and huffed, standing and gently sliding her legs down his own until they made contact with her floor

"I need to, I can't be trusted around you for too long, I lose myself and my control as soon as I have your skin under my fingertips"

As if to reinforce his point, he reached up and stroked a loose wave of hair behind her ear with a feather-light touch, tracing the pad of his finger down the back of her ear and to the base of her neck, where he stretched out his hand to encircle one side of her throat, his eyes never leaving hers.

Jay sucked in a quiet, steadying breath through her teeth

"I see your point" she offered with a slight smile, "but you shouldn't stay away, or is losing control such an unforgivable act?"

His fingers flexed and tightened slightly around her neck for just a second, before he dropped his hand and remembered himself.

"I don't want to, not yet"

It came as a slight surprise to her, but she allowed him to continue

"I... I don't want to... ruin you, not before I pledge myself... to you"

He looked like it was causing him physical pain to get the words out, his eyebrows furrowed while he concentrated on the right ones. It took Jay a long moment before she realised what he was talking about.

"Oh, well... thank you? I think?"

She tried to make her voice appear as steady as she could, but inside she was on fire. Of course, she should have assumed that he'd known she was... untouched... before he'd agreed to associate with her. It wasn't exactly common knowledge that she was a virgin, but it would have always been expected of her, no matter whom she was eventually married off to.

She could feel the colour creeping up her neck and heating her cheeks, and took a deep breath before plastering a smile over her embarrassment. Although the topic itself didn't cause her to cringe, the matter of whom she was talking to about it was... unexpected.

Kylo swallowed visibly and drew back his shoulders, looking rather uncomfortable himself, before speaking up

"I should retire, we only have tomorrow before the, uh... big day. We should probably make the most of the time we have left to rest"

Jay nodded in agreement and accompanied him to the door. His large hand covered the control panel and it flew open, jolting her guards to attention.

He turned towards her, eyes lingering as he looked down her slightly disheveled frame

"Well, goodnight to you..." he brought his mask up and secured it over his face before continuing, his final words taking on his signature electronic tone "...your highness"

Jay could her the slight mirth hidden under the flat tone of the mask's speaker, and she smiled

"Goodnight, Lord Ren"

He turned and swished his way down the bright avenue, heading off to his evening duties, whatever they were.

That night, after Jay settled herself between the now-familiar layers of her bed, all she could think about were his words.

"I don't want to ruin you, not before I pledge myself to you..."

A foreign buzz vibrated through her body, settling in her lower abdomen and warming her. It wasn't either dissimilar to the shiver that ran down her limbs when his lips pressed against hers, only it felt stronger, more intense. She knew, of course, that it was pure lust snaking its way through her body, she wasn't so naive as to let it confuse her, but ever so slightly, it did. It was unexpected, she'd prepared herself for a lifetime of disgust and shame at the sexual encounters she would be forced to share with whatever husband she was handed to.

Now, she actually wanted her future husbands body moving across hers, craved it, even!

She shook the thoughts from her head, but they were quickly replaced with imaginative images of what Kylo might want to do with her, and how she would scream his name in ecstasy as she pleased him.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she willed herself to sleep, ignoring the warmth spreading across her thighs, remembering in the back of her mind that he could be watching her, delving through her imagination while she was too preoccupied to notice.

...

As expected, Kylo was one deck above her, staring through his visor and out of an observation window on the main bridge. Hux was babbling some nonsense about engine inhibitors, but he wasn't listening. He was concentrating, VERY hard, his hands balling into fists on top of the console he leaned on.

Her wild images racing behind his eyes as he caressed her mind

He took slow and careful breaths

She had no idea what he really wanted to do with her, just two days from now

Judging by her thoughts, though, she'd be very happy

He just prayed she could handle it.