Jace-nial

Magnus stood in the kitchen, doing aerobic stretches between flipping pancakes. Alec sat behind him at the counter enjoying the view. It was a peaceful morning in their house. The baby hadn't cried that morning, so they both got to sleep in.

There was a knock at the door, and Alec went to answer it as Magnus flipped a pancake onto the already very large stack.

He opened the door to see a tall, slim lady standing before him. She wore a nice black jacket with a matching pencil skirt, and held a clipboard against her chest. "Hi," Alec said, trying his best to sound polite, even at this ungodly hour. "Can I help you?"

"Who is it?" Magnus called from down the hall, the sound of his feet already approaching.

The woman smiled back in an equally forced way. "Hello, I'm Catarina Loss, from the adoption agency. I'm here for my follow up appointment on the baby. And you are?"

"I'm Ale—"

Magnus shoved Alec to the floor in the most gentle way possible. His husband fell elbows first into the cold, hard tile. Magnus knew the screams were more dramatic than they needed to be.

Catarina Loss didn't seem to mind. "Mister Bane, nice to see you again," she held out her hand for a firm handshake.

"Yes, it's good to see you again, Miss Loss." Alec stood up, obviously angry about having been shoved violently to the floor. He gave Magnus a death stare that could have cut through bricks. "I'm sure my husband, Alec will be with us soon." He turned to Alec. "Jace, why don't you go and get Alec? I'm sure he's awake by now." He forced an obviously painful smile as he prayed that Alec understood. He didn't.

"What do you mean?" Alec asked, still rubbing his elbows. "I'm Al—"

Magnus suddenly seemed to desperately need to clear his throat. Which then turned into a violent coughing fit as he pulled him aside, holding up one finger to the woman at the door. "Alec, I need you to focus," he said, slapping him across the face. "This lady thinks that Jace is you from the adoption interviews. We can't let her think otherwise. Go get Jace, tell him what's going on. He has to be you and you have to be him. Do you understand?"

"Sort of," Alec mumbled, rubbing his cheek.

Magnus shooed him away, and Alec ran upstairs as Magnus returned to the door.

"Please, come in," he smiled, ushering the lady inside.

The woman stepped inside, clipboard still clutched to her chest. "I must say, Mister Bane, your house is quite magnificent," she said, admiring the entrance hall with its double staircase and crystal chandelier.

"Thank you." Magnus began leading her to the kitchen. "I'd be more than willing to give you the full tour once my husband gets down here. He must just be upstairs with the baby." They arrived in the kitchen, and Magnus pulled out a stool for Catarina to sit at the counter. "Can I get you anything? Some tea? Coffee? Whole pig?"

The woman just shook her head, setting her clipboard down on the counter. "No, thank you. I just have a few questions to ask you before we begin the tour." She looked up from her clipboard to make sure Magnus was nodding along to what she was saying as she unclipped a few pages. "Have you found a person to care for the baby while you and your husband are away at work?"

"Yes, we hired a nanny about two weeks ago. You'll get to meet her today if you'd like. She just lives downstairs in the basement."

She raised her eyebrows. "You make your nanny live in the basement?"

Magnus laughed. "I think you'll find our basement is more than acceptable for someone to live in."

Catarina chuckled, looking down at her pages to ask the next question. "Have you found that the baby—"

"Maggie, sweetie, why didn't you tell us we would be having a visitor?" Jace asked, sashaying into the room with one hand holding James and the other fanning his shirtless self with one of Magnus's fans. He slapped the fan down onto the counter to free up his hand so he could smack his husband on the ass. "Miss Loss, it's a pleasure to see you again. Can I get you anything? Some tea? Coffee? Whole pig?"

At hearing her name, Catarina's eyes shot back up from where they had been locked on Jace's toned stomach. She smiled at him, the first real smile Magnus had seen on her face since she arrived. "It's nice to see you again, mister Lightwood. Some tea would be lovely." she said, discretely wiping the drool from the corner of her mouth.

Jace thrust the baby into Magnus's arms and went to make some tea.

And then Alec walked in.

"Hey guys, just finished sneaking my one night stand out the window." He took the teacup from Jace's hand and started sipping it idly as he leaned back against the kitchen cupboard to display his abs, which were fully exposed since he was shirtless and wearing only Jace's sweatpants. "She didn't want to leave by the window, since my room is on the third floor, but I thought, hey, I got what I wanted from you so if you get hurt on the way down that's the next guy's problem." He took another sip of tea and gagged a little. "Is this English Breakfast?"

"Well, it wasn't for you, Jace," Jace said through bared teeth. He brought another cup over and set it down in front of Catarina. "So, Miss Loss, would you like to begin the tour?"

The tour of the main floor was boring enough. Kitchen. Laundry room. Living room. All properly baby-proofed and safe.

"And downstairs is the Nanny's living space," Magnus said, opening the door to the closet.

"Magnus, that's the wrong door."

"Yes, thank you Alec, I see that." Magnus turned towards the door on the other side and opened it with the same gusto as the first. "Yes, here is the staircase. I never get lost in my own house hahahaha."

They all went down the stairs one by one. Catarina seemed very concerned with the integrity of the stairs, checking for termite holes and other things that could possibly kill the baby. James, still in Jace's arms, blew bubbles with his own spit.

"So this is the nanny's living quarters," Magnus said, ushering to the huge apartment-like space. "This is the bathroom." He opened the door to reveal a large bathroom, currently full of steam. The shower door opened to reveal a very naked Clary stepping out of it.

She made eye contact with Jace, then Alec, then Magnus, then Catarina. "Oh, hi. Um. I'm kind of naked right now so—"

"Yup, yup, sorry about that." Magnus shut the door as fast as he could. "Just, uh, maybe get dressed and meet us in the kitchen?"

"Sure!" Clary called from the other side of the door.

Alec reached over to wipe the corner of Jace's mouth. "You ok Alec?" he asked, smirking. "You're drooling a little bit."

"That's James's," Jace said defensively, shoving the baby into Magnus's arms. "He just spit in my mouth. Babies do that sometimes."

"Sure, sure."

Clary came and met them in the basement kitchen after she had towel dried her hair and put on a pair of jeans and a tee-shirt.

Magnus sighed when he saw her. "I thought we talked about this. Where is the nice dress I set out for you?"

"Magnus, I'm not going to wear a hoop skirt ever again. Just get rid of them."

Magnus wiped a tear from his cheek and tried not to appear hurt.

Catarina cleared her throat and tapped Clary on the shoulder. "So you're the nanny? I just have a few questions for you." She held out her hand. "I'm Catarina Loss, from the adoption agency, just here for a follow up appointment to make sure the baby's living conditions fit the proper parameters."

"Yes," Alec said, leaning against the kitchen counter. "This is the nanny, and I, Jace, a heterosexual, feel the need to look at her in a sexual manner constantly." He winked at her awkwardly, trying his best not to close both eyes.

"Yes," Jace agreed. "And I, Alec Lightwood, a homosexual, am in a committed relationship with my husband, Magnus."

Clary squinted at them for a moment before she seemed to understand what was going on. "Riiiiiiiiight. Yes. Anyway," she turned back to Catarina. "You said you had some questions for me?" She led Catarina over to the couch and sat her down.

"You two need to tone it down," Magnus hissed. "I expected this from Alec, but you Jace? You're a better liar than that."

Alec gasped, his hand slapped his bare chest, just over his heart. "Magnus, how dare you. I'd like to think I'm playing the part quite convincingly."

"Really?" Jace demanded, turning to his brother. "Because we both know that I haven't had a one night stand in almost a year. I'm a different person now. And never once did I make a girl sneak out of my bedroom window."

"Oh really," Alec rolled his eyes. "Then explain that girl I found lying in the back yard with two broken legs the morning of your 22nd birthday?"

"I didn't ask what's-her-face to jump out the window. And we were in a committed relationship at the time! She was just living out some fantasy of sneaking out the morning after. I'm sure she didn't know my window doesn't have a ledge."

Alec nodded. "Mhm, yes, the committed relationship you were in with Sarah for a whole week and a half, which you then ended in the hospital the day after she broke her legs."

"We had plans to go to Disneyland, Alec!" Jace hissed defensively. "What, was I gonna cancel my trip to Disney just because she couldn't walk? That seems unfair."

The two girls laughed, standing from the couch and shaking hands.

"Well, that looks like it went well," Magnus commented. "Shall we move to the upstairs?" he asked, ushering the ladies towards the stairs.

Clary scooped the baby out of his arms and followed them all upstairs.

"This is the nursery," Magnus narrated, pulling the door open to the yellow room.

Catarina entered, examining the sturdiness of the crib and making sure none of the toys had any small detachable parts. When she seemed satisfied, she made a few checks on her clipboard and came back to the door. "Everything seems to fit the requirements."

Clary entered the room with the baby once everyone left, claiming she had to change his diaper.

"And just across the hall," Magnus explained, leading Catarina over to another door, "is our room. So we are never too far from the baby." He opened the door to their master bedroom.

"Yes," Alec agreed, standing in the doorway as they all entered. "This room belongs to Magnus and Alec. I do not sleep here." He finally stepped into the room, walking over to the bed where he had laid out his clothes for the day. "Look, Alec," he pointed at the shirt. "Your clothes. You should put them on so you're not late for work."

Jace glanced over at the khakis, the light blue button-up and…. A sweater vest. He shivered.

"Come on, Alec," Alec prompted, a smirk creeping onto his face. "Get dressed for work."

Jace, trying not to vomit in his mouth, picked up the button-up and slipped his arms through the holes. "Yes, this is the outfit I picked out for myself, since, as I'm sure you can tell, I have no sense of fashion. It's quite tragic really."

"Khakis are professional." Alec gritted his teeth.

"They are paper bags for your legs," Jace hissed. "But yes," he turned to Catarina. "I do, indeed, wear them every single day to work. Because in the world of architecture, khakis are known as the foundation of an outfit. Because apparently beige really brings out your intelligence."

"It really does," Alec agreed.

Jace finished buttoning the shirt, then slipped on the vest, looking like someone had just tied his body in shit-covered rope. He lifted his arms and gave a very forced thumbs-up. "All done."

"It looks a bit large on you," Catarina commented.

"I'm hoping to grow into it."

"Oh wait, Alec, don't forget your tie." Alec flung his blue duck covered tie round Jace's neck.

Jace gritted his teeth and began tying what was obviously a noose knot.

Catarina flipped through a few of her pages. "Everything seems to be in order. I think that's all I needed. Thank you."

Magnus started leading her to the door as Jace ripped the tie from his body. "Of course, you're welcome here anytime. Thank you so much for coming."

"Thank you for being so hospitable. I'm sure you won't need another follow up appointment," she smiled, walking down the staircase towards the front door.

The door shut with a soft sound as Catarina left.

"Is she gone?" Alec demanded, ripping Jace's sweatpants from his body.

"You didn't have to actually wear my pants, you know," Jace commented, rubbing his chest as though he had been infected by the sweater vest.

"I had to get into character." Alec rubbed his bare thighs self-consciously, snatching his khakis from the bed. "You're lucky I didn't bring up how you're a free-loader that doesn't pay rent."

Jace sighed exasperatedly. "Do you want me to pay rent? Is that what you want?" He stormed out of the room, stomping down the hall and returning just a few moments later with a large box in his hands. He stood over the bed and turned it upside down, the contents coating their entire bed. "There you go. One thousand dollars in cash. Are you happy?"

"Jace," Magnus asked, reaching for one of the bills. "Why are these all in singles?"

"That's not important." Jace stormed out of the room, across the hall and into the nursery. He scooped James up into his arms and held him close. "You're the only one who understands me," he whispered. "If only others were as accepting as you."

"Jace," Clary mumbled. "This is weird."

Jace flung his arm out, grabbing Clary and bringing her into the hug. Her hands reached out to stop him but she just kind of ended up feeling up his abs. "Are you enjoying yourself?" he asked, obviously feeling her fingers probing his stomach.

"If you must know, yes," Clary said defensively, unashamed.

The hug was broken by a third person (excluding James) wiggling between them. Max, now blond, threw his leather jacket over his shoulder. "Sorry to interrupt, just thought I'd pop in." He gave Clary a quick kiss on the cheek and slapped her ass.

Jace put the baby down a little too roughly into his crib. "What is this? What happened to your emo phase?"

"I changed my mind," Max smirked. "This is my Jace phase now." He leaned in close and whispered in Jace's ear, "and there can be only one…"

Sorry for the late upload. We've missed a few weeks but hopefully things will be on track now. please leave a review if you liked this chapter!

xoxo

-R&A