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Thank you all again for your patience and love - you've been incredible.
Chapter 44 – Kiss and no-make up
It was late, she was tired and, on her way, back from the library. She only studied there later in the day as most of her supposed friends preferred 'group study' sessions. Ones which were almost entirely unproductive and ended up with her covering the basics for them all, when they'd leeched enough information from her, the chat descended into that of boys, make up and whatever the next event on their social calendar would be. She participated for as long as she could before making some excuse, heading to the library and then actually doing some revision. Lucky none of her friends would even consider studying there so she wouldn't be seen.
She was so caught up in planning the study week ahead of her that she almost didn't notice the two voices coming from down the hall. The two voices that she hated hearing together. Her first instinct was to lash out, to think of something spiteful to say to them, something that might cause some tension between the couple, but nothing came to mind, and quite frankly, that kind of behaviour was draining. So she slowed her pace, hoping they would continue on and she could avoid them completely.
She heard him say goodbye to her and an idea came to mind. Risky, probably bound to backfire but the way she saw it, she couldn't be hated by them much more than she already was. She listened to the lighter set of footsteps recede in the direction of the Ravenclaw tower. She smiled, certain that he was alone now. This was the chance she'd been waiting for.
She walked closer and waited at the foot of the steps to the owlery, trying keep her cool, this wasn't a moment she was likely to get again – he was almost always with her, and if not her then with his friends. She knew he must really like her, but deep down she felt they were fated instead, something had brought them together once before, she told herself the same thing was doing it now, for the second time. Hopefully not for the last.
As she heard his descent she moved out of the darkness and positioned herself under the cone of torch light at the base of the steps. She hoped that it highlighted her features in just the right way, she wanted him to see her. Her and only her.
She saw his eyes widen as she stood there looking up at him. He slowed, taking the steps one at a time now. She took a step backwards, suddenly unsure, seeing him had made her hesitant. She ended up in the darkness again as he neared. ~
Logan was a little shocked, she was the last person he had been expecting to run into on his way back to the common room. He felt apprehensive as he neared the girl, the last time he was alone with her had been… confusing. His feelings and thoughts had jumbled, and it had taken him a good week to clear his mind of her properly. It wasn't even like much had happened. They'd only kissed once, or twice. Or more, in fact he might have lost track. But he'd done much more with girls he'd known a lot better – yet none of those memories came to him when he slept. He didn't get dreams of his exes, but he had had many dreams of her. Before his dreams had become all about Roxanne, at least.
But since then she'd been snide, or ignored him, or deliberately tried to cause trouble. In short, nothing at all like the girl he thought he'd met that night. Nothing like who he had thought she really was.
"Why haven't you said anything to me since?" she asked the moment he stepped onto the stone of the corridor within hearing distance of her soft voice.
"I didn't think you'd want to talk about it. It wasn't exactly you was it?" she didn't answer immediately so he continued, "You seemed to snap right back to normal"
He heard her sigh and he wondered if that was the wrong thing to say. It had been what was on his mind. And it was true. She had been 'normal', the sly comments and digging remarks seemed like normal behaviour for her, it was all he had ever heard about her and all he had experienced of her since.
"That's not normal." She answered finally, sounding hurt. "That night with you, was me. It was the only time I've been able to be me for so long." He immediately felt responsible for the sadness to her tone. Like he'd just kicked a puppy.
He wanted to reach out to her. But he stopped himself. A lot had changed since that night, he was with Roxanne, and she had only ever tried to mess that up for him.
"So be you again. No one's stopping you." He told her a little more coldly than intended, if he was honest, he'd felt a little betrayed following that night they had spent together. He felt like he'd been played, like it had all been an act.
"I-I want to but...I can't go back there. I can't go back to before." His heart faltered as her voice cracked.
"You don't have to." He stepped closer; he was half in the light; half out. He wished he could help her more.
"It won't be like before. I promise. People aren't the same as they were three years ago. No one will laugh at you. And if they do, you've always got me" he smiled comfortingly, he couldn't see her clearly anymore despite the short distance between them now. The hall was dark and the torch dim.
He didn't know quite why he was even speaking to her now, why he hadn't just gone to bed already. But there was something about her when she was like this. Something about her needing him, he liked being needed. He realised, he also liked being wanted. Sometimes he wasn't sure he got either from Roxanne.
He reached forwards and only managed to take her hand in his for a few seconds, then realising how that might be perceived by her, he went to drop it.
It was too late, she had stepped closer, he was only a few inches from her now and he felt like he was in a trance. They were so close and with her breath fanning across his face he remembered the night they had kissed, under the stars and out in the cold. It had been freezing that evening, but the entire memory was the complete opposite, all he could remember was the heat of her body and the warmth of her lips.
She was about to kiss him again - he was sure of it. Her eyes held the same look, a kind of apprehension he had never thought she had been capable of feeling, let alone showing till that night. The same look that drew him in then, drew him to her now.
"Please, don't... You're forgetting Roxanne. I'm with Roxanne" he had tried to tell her firmly but there was something in her eyes that made his voice crack. He didn't sound very convincing, even he could hear that.
"I don't care about Roxanne" she replied.
She pulled him closer still and kissed him softly on the mouth, his hands moved to her shoulders, to push her away, but for a moment, and only a moment, he felt like he couldn't.
He came to his senses, and moved her backwards and away from him gently. He was a little annoyed that she had kissed him, and more annoyed at himself for his delayed reaction but still, he didn't want to hurt her. He hated the thought of hurting her.
"You might not care about her, but I do. I'm sorry. If you want help to be you again, if you want a friend I can be that. But this," he moved his hands between them, "I can't be this for you. And I don't really think you want me to"
The last part was a lie and they both knew it. She wanted him. He'd known since Valentine's Day, when she'd mentioned the possibility of running into her secret admirer on a starry night. He knew then that she hadn't forgotten their encounter, only he'd never thought she'd actually still meant what she'd said. He thought it was her being spiteful, holding the night over him for some kind of power play. He thought it was her showing her true colours, the ones she'd made for herself.
"Logan, please. I do. I need you. You're the only one who really knows me" she stepped closer and wrapped her arms around his neck.
"I have a girlfriend" he peeled her off him and turned around. Walking away he ignored her hurt eyes burning into the back of his head.
He felt bad about leaving her, he felt as though she needed him but he shook his head. She didn't really, they had no real connection, they weren't friends, barely acquainted, she had kissed him on two nights now but he had only kissed her back on the first. Nights that were so different and so far apart, yet as he walked away, he was left with the same feeling he'd had then.
He tried to ignore it but as he returned to his common room and got into bed, the night was on his mind and she made an unwanted reappearance into his dreams. ~
"Hey, can you two come up to the dorm for a sec?" Scor asked out-of-the-blue. He'd only just gotten back into the common room and had made a beeline for the twins.
Roxanne and Olivia were by the fire, sitting on the floor playing a very intense game of exploding snap, she looked up at him and he wished she hadn't.
"What you got there?" she asked, nosy as ever, as he hastily stuffed his unsent letter inside his cloak.
"I uh-" he began, glad to have been interrupted by a small explosion coming from the card pile in front of her.
"Hey, no fair-" Roxanne began to Liv, losing interest in Scor. Something he never thought he'd be glad of.
The twins were looking at him confusedly.
"What's up?" Lorcan asked, studying his face which he was struggling to maintain impassive in case Rox turned around again.
"I just, I have to talk to you guys about something" he said and Scorpius appreciated how quickly both his friends stood and followed him from the common room.
Obviously, something about seeing Scorpius Malfoy panicking meant that their usual jokes could wait.
"So, go on then, what's happened?" Ly asked, less than a second after the door to their dorm had been shut behind them and an extra paranoid silencing spell placed on the door.
Whatever their friend was about to tell them he didn't want Roxanne and/or Olivia to know, and both of those girls were not above eavesdropping.
"I saw Logan kiss some girl by the bottom of the owlery"
"What?" both the twins said in unison.
"The little slug, I'm gonna hex his balls off" Lysander started, his dislike of Logan making itself known.
Lorcan, took the saner approach, knowing his brother could fume enough for the both of them.
"I don't get it. He's been so obsessed with Roxanne" he mused before continuing, "Do you know who the girl was?"
"Well, I'm not 100% sure but I think, it was Florence. They were only half under the torch though"
"Florence?" Ly repeated.
"As in-" Lorc started to ask.
"As in the girl I went out with who you all hated and who Roxanne had a very public showdown with in the middle of the common room after she accused me of being in love with Roxanne? Yeah that one." Scorpius finished for them, unamused.
"Not quite how I was going to put it" Lorcan said.
"Funny though, she was sort of right" Ly said quietly, having not thought about that strange time in their lives for a while.
"And you're absolutely sure it was him?"
"Well I slowed down because I heard his voice and didn't want to run into them together" he admitted, a little embarrassed that it had gotten to the point where it was easier to avoid them both completely than to feel how he did when he was around them.
"But then, I heard her speak and was confused, I looked around, saw him kiss someone and after I also heard him say something like 'Forget Roxanne'. I came straight back after that. Roxanne's been here hasn't she?"
Lysander nodded, "Yeah only just long enough for Liv to persuade her to play Snap" he confirmed.
"And you're sure it was his voice?" Lorcan asked again, ever the detective.
Scor nodded. "I can hear how annoying he is from across a pitch" Lysander said, "I think Scor could ID him in an empty corridor"
"Well, if you're sure…You're gonna have to tell her" Lorcan resolved.
"Yeah but doesn't it look awful coming from me? I know Roxanne doesn't know but I feel like everyone else does. Plus he's already got a huge problem with me – "
"Again, he's not wrong" Lysander mumbled amusedly.
Scor rolled his eyes, "Yeah thanks Ly, my point exactly. Surely, it will look like I'm trying to break them up?"
"I mean, it would be great if you could" Ly said with a shrug. "Especially if you two could then finally get together and end all of your pining"
"Not like this though." He told the two of them honestly. "I don't want to be part of the reason they break up"
"Well you wouldn't be. He would if he's the one cheating on her, Scor" Lorcan said, reasonably.
"And besides, you know she wouldn't like the idea of you not telling her as soon as"
"And no, you can't get me to tell Liv" Lorcan followed, "just in case that's what you were thinking about asking"
Scor hung his head, he knew they were right and that he had to be the one to break the news to Roxanne. But his heart felt heavy, as much as he loathed Logan, he hated the thought of upsetting Roxanne even more. The twins gave him matching looks and he knew what he had to do. He had to tell her. ~
Scorpius resolved to give Logan some time to come clean, partly because he really didn't want to involve himself any further in their relationship and partly because he really didn't want to have to be the one to tell her about it all. But two days had passed since that evening and Scor hadn't told anyone else, Lorcan had managed thus far to not tell Olivia but Roxanne had not told any of them anything about it. So it was safe to assume she was still in the dark, and Roxanne didn't deserve that either. He had to tell her.
"Hey Rox, can we talk?" Scorpius bent towards Roxanne and asked her in her ear.
"Yeah, sure Scor" she replied instantly, confused about why he had to ask.
"I um, I mean alone. Um... Can I talk to you alone?" He looked at Lysander briefly and the blonde nodded supportively.
"Um okay, sure." Roxanne's brows furrowed worriedly, she stood and followed him out of the room and up onto the top of the Ravenclaw tower. She stepped outside after him and shivered involuntarily as the wind whipped around her. Scorpius almost immediately had his jumper off and in her hands. She smiled up at him gratefully and pulled it over her head.
She conjured a blanket and sat on the floor, patting the space next to her. He shook his head and stayed standing. She furrowed her brow. What was wrong with him?
Scorpius couldn't bear to sit down right now. He was too anxious about what he had to tell her. All he could think about was how much this was going to hurt her, and how happy she seemed with Logan at the moment, and as much as he didn't like it, there was nothing better than seeing her happy.
"You're starting to worry me, Scor" she told him, "Are you alright? Is your mum okay? Are the girls?"
"Huh? Oh yeah, they're fine. Everyone's fine. Well..." he trailed off. Everything was not fine.
She sat looking up at him, waiting for him to speak. He didn't. He couldn't. His mouth was suddenly very dry.
"Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy, spit it out" she joked. Frowning, he said nothing still. He knew she'd whipped out his middle name as it usually never failed to get a reaction from him, but he didn't feel like playful teasing right now.
He took a deep breath and sat down next to her, maybe it would be easier this way after all. They both sat cross legged now, facing each other.
"Look I'm just going to say it. And I don't want to say it. And I wish it wasn't true but it is and I couldn't not tell you" he knew he had to be worrying her, she hadn't even picked up on his use of a double negative.
"Alright... go on" she creased her brow at him, utterly confused.
He took a deep breath, he took her hands in his for comfort. He wasn't sure whose though.
"I saw Logan kiss another girl two nights ago" he blurted out, his delivery not as smooth as he'd planned.
There was no initial reaction on her face which he found strange. She remained oddly calm, "Where? When?"
"By the steps up to the owlery"
She looked at him for a while and he wondered why she wasn't screaming and shouting.
She laughed, "Scor you idiot, that was me. I was with Logan that night sending a letter to Dom, he came with"
He sighed, even angrier at Logan now knowing for certain that Roxanne had been with him moments before.
"No Rox, that's the thing. It wasn't you. It was dark and at first I only heard him so, I just assumed it was you he was with but then I heard her speak too and I recognised her and well… I'm just sure it wasn't you okay?"
He wasn't sure whether to drop in the fact he suspected it was Florence Bridgewater that had been kissing her boyfriend but decided against it. He didn't need to complicate the whole situation with that too. She didn't look convinced.
He continued, "And then I went straight back to the common room and you were there already, there's no way you could have passed me either. Remember, you asked what was in my hand but then got distracted by Snap? That was my letter I didn't send."
"Oh" ~
Roxanne was annoyed, but surprisingly, not at Logan… well not yet. She was annoyed at herself and how hard she was currently finding it to recall the evening Scorpius was talking about.
It had only been two days ago, why was it so hard?
She started with what she knew for sure.
She had posted a letter and she and Logan had walked down the stairs from the owlery.
She then asked Logan if he was coming back to the common room with her.
He'd said he had a letter to send too that he had forgotten about, besides it was late anyway.
She offered to go back up with him, but since he'd be going straight back to the dungeons afterwards anyway it didn't make sense.
Nothing had been off, Logan was often forgetful so it wasn't strange for him to forget to send something.
She remembered kissing him goodbye and leaving him standing at the bottom of the steps.
So surely she'd been who Scorpius had seen? What made him so sure it wasn't her?
But she also did remember being in the common room later, playing exploding snap with Liv and Scorpius coming in looking bothered by something. She'd asked him what he was holding on to. He'd stuffed the parchment into his cloak. She'd got distracted, then next thing she knew all three boys had disappeared. She hadn't thought much of it at the time but now…
It did seem odd.
There was no way he could have seen her kiss Logan then been back at the common room so much later than her. Unless he'd taken a long route back, though that was unlikely, Scor knew the Map nearly as well as she did. He wouldn't pass up a short cut, 3 of which existed from the owlery to the Ravenclaw Common Room. But then…what if he'd fancied more of a stroll? Or had only taken one of the three shortcuts? What if he'd stopped to tie his lace?
There were too many variables…Neither of them knew how long he'd taken to get back. Maybe she even mis-remembered how long she'd been in the common room before him. No one had been timing.
Scorpius must be mistaken, Roxanne decided.
Nothing else made sense to her right now, Logan cared about her and they were doing well. He was happy. She was happy. They were happy. Weren't they?
"Why aren't you screaming and shouting?" Scor asked her. "I took you out to the roof for a reason" he said, clearly making a nervous joke.
"How do you even know it was him?" she replied, not reciprocating any of his humour.
What if this whole debacle was over some other random couple kissing at the bottom of the owlery steps?
"I know his voice Rox, and he said -"
"He said what?"
"It doesn't matter. It was just definitely him"
"It does matter Scor. Tell me what think you heard."
"Most of it was muffled but I heard 'Forget Roxanne' or something like that. It was definitely your name though, and definitely his voice"
Her heart sunk but she still couldn't bring herself to believe him. Logan wouldn't do that. He was wrong, Scorpius had to be wrong.
"Rox, are you okay?"
"Of course not Scor, I'm fuming "
"I'm really sorry Rox. I didn't want to have to say anything. That's why I didn't tell you right away, I was hoping he might have said something to you by now but I – "
"I didn't say I was angry at him Scor"
He looked taken aback. If Roxanne was honest, she wasn't sure why she'd said it. And why she wasn't angry at Logan. She couldn't explain it, but she was feeling this sudden intense anger and the only direction felt like out, which meant, for some unknown reason. All she knew is that in that moment she was furious with Scorpius Malfoy.
"What? So, you're angry at me now?" he was shocked.
"Yes, Scor I am" She was even more shocked at hearing herself confirm it aloud.
"What?! What have I done?"
"You're trying to get involved! Logan wouldn't do that, and if he did, he'd tell me. He'd explain. He respects me and you know it!"
He had to be wrong. And she was angry at him for being wrong, and for telling her and for all the things she was now thinking and feeling because of him telling her.
"Rox I just said I waited to leave your precious boyfriend time to tell you! And he hasn't, has he?! And I couldn't just keep sitting around not saying anything. Has he even indicated he wanted to talk to you? Has he even made mention of the fact that he was snogging someone else recently?"
"No, probably because there's nothing to tell" she said resolutely.
"So you think I'm lying to you?"
She sighed, did she think he was lying to her? No. she didn't. He wouldn't. But then Logan wouldn't do this to her either, would he? She didn't know.
"No" she said finally after a long pause.
Scorpius laughed but nothing about it indicated he found anything remotely funny.
"You don't believe me." He said quietly. "Do you?" He asked.
"I didn't say I thought you were lying Scor. I just think- "
"Roxanne- you believe me, or you don't believe me."
"I don't believe that Logan would kiss anyone else. And I don't believe that even if he did, he would not tell me"
"Fine." He said standing up, "Then ask him. If he's not done anything wrong, then this just proves him right anyway doesn't it? That I'm just this jealous, scheming guy desperate to get in your pants" he laughed again, still not finding anything funny.
She didn't say anything in response.
"I never thought I'd have to remind you, but I would never lie to you Rox. So just know, if he denies it, then he's lying, because I'm not and I'm not mistaken either"
She was saddened to see the hurt on his face. Somehow this had become a question of whether Roxanne trusted Scorpius. Of course she did, she'd trust him with her life. So then, why not this?
She sighed, "I know you wouldn't lie to me Scor. But I can't pretend to believe you. I'll talk to Logan tomorrow and if he says he didn't do it, then I'll trust him. If he says he did then, we'll work it out" "You'll work it out? Please tell me you're joking"
"What?"
"You can't seriously tell me you would stay with a guy who's cheated on you? "
"Quite frankly Scor, what I do and don't do with guys is none of your business"
~
She was right, none of this was any of his business. But then again, she was his friend, and he couldn't see what he'd seen and keep quiet about it. And he couldn't get why she was refusing to believe him.
"I'm just trying to look out for you!" was all he could think to say without blurting out why this meant so much more to him than if it was anyone else.
"I don't need you to do that!" she shouted back at him.
"Yeah well too bad, I promised Dom I would" he told her back, at a lower volume. As if that had anything to do with this. It was better than screaming that he was in love with her, he supposed.
She paused, confused for a while, then remembered when he had told her about Dom making him promise to look after her. She shook her head laughing, clearly it hadn't been the right thing to say.
"Well I'm relieving you of your duty. " she said, almost with malice, "You're not my brother, you're not my dad, you're not-"
"Your boyfriend?" he asked, hurt.
"Exactly!" she had gutted him.
"So only brothers, dads and boyfriends have a right to look out for you now? Since when have I had to have been your boyfriend to look out for you Rox? How many times have I comforted you while you've cried? I'm sure I wasn't your boyfriend then. What happened to you being glad I was such a great friend and always there for you? What about when you were there for me? Even when I pushed you away? I'm trying to do the same"
"That was a different situation and you know it. You're coddling me Scorpius, I am not a child!"
"Stop behaving like one then!"
"Stop interfering in my relationship!"
"It's not a relationship if he's lying to you, Rox! It's not a relationship if you can't trust him"
"Oh and you're an expert now, are you? Every girl you've been out with you've just strung along then dropped because you've gotten bored of her! I've never seen you treat a girl right! You've never cared about any of them. Why do you even care about me?"
"Why do I care about you?! What kind of question is that? You're my best friend Rox! Of course I care about you I-"
He paused, not trusting himself to say any more. They were both breathing a little heavier than usual and Roxanne's eyes sparkled in the moonlight, tears not quite spilling over but definitely brewing.
"I never interfered in any of your stupid relationships, so stay the fuck out of mine"
Suddenly it hit him. She was right, she hadn't ever said anything to him about the very obviously toxic relationships he'd been in before, and it occurred to him that maybe he was letting his feelings for her push him to overreact. He hadn't wanted to get involved but here he was, telling her she couldn't trust him. If there was anything, he should have known better than to try to do, it was to tell Roxanne Weasley she couldn't do something. His brain stopped whirring. He knew he should take it back, knew he should tell her he was just being protective and that he was sorry. But he didn't. He only felt himself draw taller, stand straighter and he pretended for a second, that he didn't care. ~
Scorpius stopped. They stared at each other. More conflicting thoughts swirled around Roxanne's brain. She didn't know what to say to him. She didn't know what had come over her or how they had ended up here, screaming at each other and both a little red in the face. Both more-than-a-little upset.
She had the urge to hug him, say she was sorry and fix the small rift she could feel forming between them at that very moment.
But he couldn't be right. Logan wouldn't have done that to her. And accepting that he had, that meant she had been fooled. She had been stupid to believe he liked her, stupid to believe she was in a mature relationship that was working well despite her inexperience. She had been a fool for even thinking about having sex with him.
It wasn't too late to take it back though, Roxanne thought then.
She could sit down with Scor and talk more reasonably. They could go to the room of requirement and watch the memory of his, or she could just go ask Logan about it. She could formulate a plan and discuss everything with her friend.
She could… but she didn't. In that moment she was much too proud to admit that she was wrong, and much too hurt to think that Logan had cheated on her.
"Just stay out of it okay?" was all she could repeat. Harshly. Harsher than she meant. The rift widened.
She could tell by his face. A moment went by and then another, and she let them. She didn't take anything back but instead let her words hang in the air in between them.
She knew that if she left that rooftop now, her opportunity to repair what now felt like a gaping chasm between them would be gone.
She knew this but still she turned on her heels, pulled the door open and without pause walked swiftly down the steps and away from him.
She could feel the soft tickle of the tears she had been holding back fall across her face but she bit onto the corner of her sleeve and sped up as she walked away.
She noticed the sleeve wasn't hers, she was still wearing his jumper. The smell of him was all over her, the sight of his face when she's screamed at him was all she could see, their argument playing over and over all she could hear.
She turned a corner, pulled back a tapestry that she knew concealed a small nook and collapsed into it. She hoped that Scorpius would not walk this way. She didn't want him to hear her cry. Not this time, not when the tears were for him. ~
A/N:
So, what do we think?
Big fight, any hope for Scorpianne? Am I so horrible that I wouldn't make them end-game? Is this all one big con?
Stay tuned, tell me what you think in the meantime xxx