IDK somehow I always end up writing this shit when I'm drunk. I don't deal with these feelings when I'm sober, so please don't expect an update whilst I'm sober because that's just not going to happen...I think! Thanks to everyone who are following this story, idk why you're doing it but you're still awesome! I blame every spelling mistake in this story on my drunkenness hehehe.
Also I have no idea why the spelling thing is constantly editing the lasagna part to lasagne but you know what I mean so it's good, right?
Emma decided to walk the way to Regina's house for the dinner. She had been running around all day, chasing dogs and "bad guys". The exhaustion was now settling in her bones, making it hard to move her feet. She focused on zoning out and not focus on the pain in her stomach or the weird feeling in her head, and concentrated on moving her feet. Suddenly she was in front of the entrance door. Her clock showed 5:59 so for once she would actually be on time. Two knocks on the door were all it took before the door opened and a grinning Henry met her.
"Ma! Come in, we're ready to eat." Henry waited as Emma closed the door behind her and took off her jacket and shoes before following him into the dining room. Emma looked at the table and back to Henry. It was lasagne, Regina's special, and Emma didn't know exactly how to feel about that. She used to love Regina's lasagne, but now she couldn't get herself to look forward to this meal. She kept silent as she sat down and stared at her plate. It was still empty before Regina cleared her throat.
"The guest first", she declared as she stared at Emma. She shook her head as she filled her plate with the lasagne and the salad that came with it. ¾ of her plate was filled up with salad, and Emma stared proudly at her plate while Henry and Regina filled their own plates. Emma could see Henry staring at her plate before looking at Regina, who followed Emma with her eyes as she shovelled food into her own mouth.
Emma chose to ignore the looks she got and focused on her plate. She had came far too long to actually give into this temptation, and chose to chop up her food in tiny pieces and playing with her food, shifting it around her plate. The sound of Regina and Henry chewing and slicing up the food was starting to get to her as she shoved her own food another round around the edge of her plate. Even if it was only salad, the thought of actually putting it into her own mouth was getting too much.
"So, Emma how is the food?" Regina asks when she finally had swallowed the last piece of lasagne from her own plate. Emma looked like she was deep in thoughts, and didn't answer as she continued to push the food around the plate. Henry gave Regina a worried glance before staring at his other mother. Regina noticed the change is her son's behaviour and once again cleared her throat.
"Emma, could you please stop playing with your food and actually eat it? I'd figure you were starving by now, if lunch was the last time you ate."
Emma finally looked up and blinked a few times in confusion. Then she almost laughed when she realized what Regina had just said. If only she knew when the last time she ate was. Emma pierced through a piece of the salad and forced the fork to her lips. She could almost feel Henry staring through her as she did this, and she could feel her head exploding. She couldn't do this. But it was only salad, it wasn't even that much, and the rational part of her reminded her that she actually needed the nutrition to keep going. On the other hand she had done so well, and she just couldn't ruin it now.
If she took this bite, she would not be able to stop. It was either everything or nothing. She knew she would hate herself if she did it, but right now she felt like she had no choice. Her son was staring at her, waiting for her to put the food in her mouth. She was so close to putting the fork down and telling them she wasn't feeling well. But she didn't. Instead she gave into the temptation and hurried to eat all of the salad before starting on the actual lasagne. It all went so fast she couldn't process what actually happened before the plate was empty in front of her and she stared at it in disbelief.
"Uhm… It was good. Thank you so much Regina, the food was delicious", Emma said as she shook her head slightly.
"Henry, I think it's time for you to finish your homework", Regina said slowly and gave her son the look he couldn't misunderstand. He nodded as he rose to his feet.
"Good night moms", he said before he hurried out of the room and disappeared upstairs.
The two women sat in silence for a moment. Regina observed, as Emma grew more and more uncomfortable where she sat. Emma just couldn't take her eyes off the plate she had just finished in about two minutes. It was so much food, and she had just eaten it all without a second thought. She felt the anxiety grow inside her, as fast as the feeling of being full. When she the realization of what had just happened hit her, the feeling of being paralyzed started to kick in. Her breath started to act weird; it was shorter and more forced. The light sweat on her forehead revealed how much she disliked being in the situation she currently was in. She thought about the food, slowly making its way down to her stomach. In the end it would be taken up by her body and add more fat to her body. Just the thought of that was enough to make her sick to her stomach.
A hand on her shoulder brought her back to her current location. In Regina's dining room. Henry had gone to do homework, and Regina was alone with her. Emma looked up at the mayor and forced a smile to her lips.
"Dinner was delicious, but I think I have to go. Unless you need help with the dishes, in that case I'm happy to stay." That was a lie though. She wasn't happy to stay. She had to get out of here as fast as possible, and she would do anything to get Regina's hand off her shoulder and be able to run out of her house.
"I think we should go to the living room and talk a bit. Maybe try to breathe as you walk in there. I wouldn't like to have you passed out on my floor and have our son coming downstairs to find you like that and think I poisoned you", Regina said slowly as she removed her hand. Why she had touched the other woman was beyond her, but she had looked so lost in thought and when she hadn't answered when Regina tried to gain her attention she had seen no other way to get her attention.
Emma rose quickly to her feet when Regina removed her hand from her shoulder. And that might have been just a bit too quickly. When Emma made her way to the living room, she could feel her vision go black and her head felt as it was shrinking. It was the worst bit about this whole thing. She knew how it went, and as she stumbled forward without seeing anything she could barely hear Regina call out for her. Emma raised her hand to signal she was fine as the other one moved over her stomach and she leaned forward, slowly sinking down to the floor.
Regina didn't quite know how to act when the woman in front of her sunk down to her knees and finally rested her head in her palms. She knew something was off with Emma, but didn't know exactly what. Henry was definitely right when he said something was wrong with his birth mother.
"I'm fine, just give me a second", Emma said when she finally regained her sight. The feeling of darkness in her head slowly disappeared, and she grabbed the doorframe right beside her as she rose to her feet again. Emma couldn't actually say that she hated this feeling. It was actually a feeling she loved. It reminded her of what she had achieved so far, and how she actually made changes with her current choice of lifestyle.
"Will you need assistance to the couch, or can you make it there yourself?" Regina asked as she made her way to stand beside Emma, ready to catch her if she was going to fall again.
"I'm fine", Emma said quickly as she made her way to the couch and dumped down. The exhaustion was written all over her face, but Regina chose, for once, to not comment on how terrible the blonde looked.
"Do you want to talk about what just happened?" The relationship between herself and Emma had slowly changed over the years. Emma had in the end chosen to sacrifice herself for Regina's happiness, which made Regina respect the woman on a whole new level. And there were extremely few people who actually had Regina's respect. When she thought about it, it was only Henry and Emma as she could think of at least.
Emma shook her head as she stared at her hands that were currently folded in her lap.
"It was nothing. I'm probably just catching a cold or something. It will be over soon".
"I know when you're lying to me, so you might as well just tell me right now". Regina had sat down within a respectable distance to the blonde woman who looked like she could have a break down at any minute now.
"I'm not! Will you please shut up about it?! It was nothing, and if you don't need help with the dishes, I would like to get going now", Emma had a pleading look in her eyes. Regina had to take deep breath before she answered. The pain and helplessness in Emma's eyes felt so real, and she had no idea why the other woman was showing these emotions. It was as Emma could read her mind, because in the next second her face and eyes were completely blank. Like the emotions had never been there in the first place.
"I will not need help with the dishes. But Emma, if there was something bothering you, you would tell me, right?"
"Why on earth would I do that?" Emma answered with the best anger she could in her current situation. Anger was probably the only emotion she could fake right now. She was good at anger. Anger was a part of her. It was not like she was angry at Regina, because Emma would always find a way to fixate the anger towards herself instead. There was always a reason to be angry with herself, and she usually had no problem with finding one in the matter of seconds.
"Maybe because we're friends now? You were the one who said so in the first place, and even though I like to think that I have no friends, you would be the closest thing I have to a friend. And as shocking it might be to you, I would not like to see one of my friends hurt or struggling. If I'm not wrong it looked like you were struggling through the whole meal we just had with our son, and that's not like you. Believe it or not, but I've actually been paying attention to your behaviour, and that back there was not what I'd expect from you." Regina said this very calmly as she could see Emma was starting to boil with rage. She knew she had said too much, and braced herself for the response.
"We might be friends, and I'm glad to hear that you care or something, but it's nothing really. I'm fine. Except from the fact that I might be a bit tired from all the work I've been doing lately and I would like to get home to my apartment, or maybe even to visit my parents for once." The response had surprised Regina a bit, because the look on Emma's face did not actually match with her words. She chose to ignore that for this time and nodded slowly.
"Thank you for the meal, it was delightful", Emma said before rising form the couch and finding her way out. That last part made Regina freeze where she was sitting. She couldn't move to follow Emma to the door. The bitterness in Emma's voice was so clear that the younger woman might as well had spit poison in her face. Regina shrugged when she heard the door close, before she made her way to the kitchen to clean up after dinner.
Emma was running as fast as she could back to her own apartment. She had been so close to breaking down in Regina's house. The meal hadn't done her anything good. Why had she even showed up at her house? It wasn't like Regina had forced her to show up. But she had used Henry, and of course Regina knew that Emma couldn't resist when it involved their son. When she looked back at the night's events… No she wouldn't even think of it. She couldn't let herself get dragged down by her own thoughts again. She kept running, one foot in front of the other. Her own apartment was in front of her way too soon. The few miles she had been running were nothing, but her head was spinning now and she couldn't do anything but making her way into her so called home. Of course the first thing she did was finding her way to the cabinet where she kept the alcohol. She grabbed the first bottle she found and dumped down on the couch.
Today had been a disaster. No, not the whole day. Just the night. The dinner. The food. The sneaky little calories. She tried to force herself not to think about them. The usual feeling of paranoia and disappointment in herself was slowly sinking in. Why did this have to happen with her once again? She was happy now. She was supposed to be happy. She had the perfect life. A lovely son, parents who loved her, friends who loved her, and of course her best friend, Regina, who never failed to challenge her, but always in the right ways. She wasn't supposed to go down this path again. Despite her better knowledge she knew where she was going to end up, and what kind of hell her everyday life was going to be from here. With this clear in her mind she opened the bottle and started to drown her sorrows in the alcohol. Emma almost laughed at herself as she realized her current situation.
She wasn't feeling sorry for herself. She knew she deserved this. But after all she needed to sleep, and she knew… She just knew so well that after tonight she wouldn't be able to sleep without the alcohol. As she sunk deeper into her own darkness, tears were starting to burn in her eyes. That only made her angrier with herself. She could not cry whatsoever. This was not the time to show weakness. Even to herself. But in the end, Emma had never felt more disappointed with herself than in that moment.
Regina couldn't sleep at all that night. She stayed up, wondering if she should call Emma to check if she was fine after she had stormed off earlier in the evening. In the end she chose not to. She didn't exactly know why, but it had to have something to do with the way Emma had left. She knew something was wrong with her friend, but she didn't want to push. Maybe she was just sick as she claimed to be. Of course that was just what Regina wanted it to be. She knew deep down that there was something bothering the younger woman, but it was clear to her that she didn't want to talk to her about it. As Regina tried to sleep, she thought about ways to figure out this whole situation. She even considered calling in Snow for help, but as soon as she thought that she wanted to hit herself in the head. Of course Snow was not the woman to bring into this situation, even if she was Emma's mother. Regina had to find this out on her own, and she felt a weird calming warmth spreading in her stomach as she planned out how to approach this situation.
If it was something she had learned about Emma Swan after all these years, it was that the woman never stopped to amaze her in every way possible. Even if this was going to ruin their relationship, Regina knew she had to do something, because something was not right, and she couldn't just sit around and watch as her friend disappeared in front of her.
As the alarm started to ring with that ever so annoying sound, Regina knew the following days, weeks or even months were going to be a challenging time for her and Emma's friendship. She got to her feet and got dressed for the day, hoping the other woman was in good shape after last night and ready for a new day. She knew with herself that she was going to do everything it would take to fix whatever was going on with her friend.