The last thing Lily felt was a force of three brick walls slamming into her chest.

Lily woke up disoriented. What happened? She moved her arm to her right to check if James was there, but when her arm came in contact with a thigh, she opened her eyes and turned her head to the side.

"Lily?" A voice asked.

"James?" She replied.

"No… Lily, it's Remus."

"Remus!" Lily shot up, suddenly remembering everything that had happened. Voldemort entering. Giving James the choice to move. James refusing. Voldemort killing James. Voldemort throwing her back. Harry.

Harry's dead. Harry's dead, James' dead, and it's all your fault. You couldn't even get your wand.

Lily crumpled back down into the small bed she was in, her head buried into her hands.

"Lily? Lily, talk to me?" Remus' voice was increasing in tone, showing his concern. He gave up talking, and instead forced his way onto the bed, lifting Lily and making her sit on top of him.

"Lily, what's wrong?"

This seemed to anger Lily. "What's wrong. My husband and son are dead, and you're asking me what's wrong. Someone I trusted betrayed us, and you're asking me what's wrong! I'll tell you what's wrong, Remus John Lupin. Everything is wrong." Lily looked around the room she was in, "Sirius isn't even here! Of all people, he should be the one here. James should be here! Harry should be here!"

Lily sagged against Remus, exhausted from her outburst.

"Lily." Remus started, "Harry isn't dead."

"And now you try to trick me."

"Lily, I'm not joking. Harry's alive. Mcgonagall took him with her to the great hall for some food. She'll be back in sometime."

"You're, you're not joking? How could Harry be alive? Voldemort came into our house! I saw Remus, I saw him point his wand at me."

"Lily, when Voldemort tried to kill Harry, the curse rebounded, and kille- weakened Voldemort." Remus stopped talking for a minute, and when Lily was going to ask why, she heard it. A baby babbling. She tried to get up to go to Harry, but Remus held her down. "You aren't going anywhere. I'll get up and get him." Lily shifted a bit to let Remus stand, and he left the small room. Before Lily could panic about being left alone, he was back in, this time with a boy in his arms.

"Mama!" Harry screamed, and Lily held her arms out to hold her son. She looked up to see Minerva enter behind Remus, smiling sadly.

"He got hungry, so I took him to the great hall for a late night snack. It did him some good to get out of this room in two days." Minerva said, while seating herself on one of the chairs in front of the walls.

"Two days? What is the date?"

"It's the night of the second of November." Remus replied.

"Tomorrow's Sirius' birthday." Lily looked around. "Where is he? Why isn't he here?" She looked at Remus, "Did he go after Pettigrew?

Remus' face was stone hard as he spoke. "Black is in Azkaban."

Lily was allowed to leave Hogwarts a day later. On Sirius' birthday. Remus opened his house to the both of them. He was willing to give up his room, but Lily refused and instead set up a make-shift bed on the floor of the living room using blankets. It was better anyways. She could sleep with Harry.

Harry. Lily had refused to let go of him since she got him. When she ate, he sat on her lap. When she slept, he was pulled tightly into her arms. When she had to go, Remus stood outside the bathroom holding Harry and making him laugh, just so that Lily knew he was still there. Still alive.

Nights were the hardest though. Even with Harry next to her, she couldn't bear the uncertainty. The first two nights she ended up taking Harry, one blanket, and sleeping on Remus' bed, just so that she knew they both were alive and safe. Remus didn't mind, he was comforted by their presence.

Sirius was released from ministry custody on 6th of November. Harry had been dropped off at the Longbottoms, who were the only people Lily trusted with Harry. Remus stayed at home, saying he would ready the house, while Lily went to the ministry to pick Sirius up. Another witch, Andromeda was coming too.

They arrived at the ministry soon after breakfast, and were led down to the holding cells by a young auror Lily had seen before when she was in school. Kingsley Shacklebolt. Ravenclaw, three years above the Marauders and Lily, prefect, but not head boy. Keeper of Ravenclaw Quidditch team.

He led the two women to the holding cell Sirius was in, and Andromeda immediately rushed to hug the now 22 year old man.

"I didn't believe it, Siri. Not one bit. You would never have betrayed James. But the newspapers, they insisted, and Crouch didn't let me plead for another look at the case. Don't be mad at me, please don't."

She was crying, Lily noted. Lily would be crying too, had she not exhausted all her tears, when she spends every five minutes crying. Tea in the morning was more of a session for her to cry while Remus soothingly rubbed her back. That way Harry got to see his mother smiling whenever she was around.

Once Andromeda pulled away, Lily got a good look at one of her good friends. Two days in Azkaban had taken a toll on him. His robes were torn, his face dull, and his hands wrinkled.

She didn't want to make the first move. She didn't want to scare him, so she didn't make the first move. It was only when she heard a soft 'Lily?' came out from his mouth that she launched herself onto him, new tears coming out of her eyes. Whether they were for James or for Sirius, she did not know.

Andromeda came home with Lily and Sirius. She went into the kitchen to make some tea while Remus and Sirius reunited.

Remus had an apology at the tip of his tongue, but it was Sirius who spoke first.

"Moony, I'm so sorry. I didn't trust you, and if only I had, and they would have made you the secret keeper, and James would be alive, and none of this would have happened, and-" Sirius crumpled to the floor, his legs giving away. Lily could have caught him, but she didn't have to. Because before she could move, Remus was beside Sirius, hugging him and muttering apologies back at him, while Sirius sat numbly on the floor.

Andromeda came in shortly after, and gave out tea to everyone. The room was silent, and was only disturbed when a cry came from inside Remus' room.

"Is that, Harry?" Sirius had turned to Lily, who nodded and then quickly got up to go and tend to him. She came back with him a few minutes later.

"Sirius, we need to decide where you're going to sleep. If you stay here, you'll have to sleep down with Remus while Harry and I sleep on the bed, and we'll switch every once in a while. Or, you can go to Andromeda's and have a room to yourself."

"I'm sorry Andromeda, but I'm not abandoning my friends again. I'll sleep on the floor." Sirius had replied.

Andromeda left shortly after to her own house, metering about how Nymphadora would bring the house down if she didn't leave, and Sirius went in to take a bath. Lily started on lunch, and Remus watched Harry. Life was anything but happy, but they were getting through.

That night found all four of them on the small bed, Remus and Lily on the sides, Padfoot in the middle and Harry curled up on Padfoot's fur, one arm of Lily's and Remus' each protectively on top of them.

James' funeral fell on 8th of November. Dumbledore had made the preparations, and only Remus was to speak. Sirius' grief was too raw, and Lily was still contemplating if she wanted to go or not.

It was surprisingly Sirius who woke first. By the time Remus woke, Sirius had drowned himself in three glasses of firewhiskey, and Remus had to perform some sobering charms to make him coherent again. Harry woke Lily up, and they both came out at the same time.

Lily got Harry ready, before depositing him with Remus who was also ready. Sirius was ready the last, and the four of them Portkeyed to Godric's Hollow, for it was near enough to the full moon that Remus would most probably have splinched himself.

The funeral was a private one, with not many people in attendance. Hogwarts professors, some Order Members, and the witches and wizards who personally knew James.

Dumbledore officiated. Remus, Dumbledore, and Minerva spoke. Lily didn't know what they spoke about, she didn't pay attention. She threw three handfuls of dirt onto the grave, one for herself, one for Harry, and one for James himself.

After the funeral came the wake, something she did not want to attend. But she had to. She held Harry at all times, while wandering through the small hall. Sirius was brooding off at one side, and she had caught Andromeda's eyes at another. Alice and Frank were talking to Remus, while Augusta held Neville.

After the wake, she handed Harry over to Remus and told him to go home. She went back to the graveyard, and slept on the grassy floor, right next to James.

The full moon fell the next day, and while she wasn't in any way glad for Remus' suffering, she was glad she had something to occupy herself with. Sirius was passed out on the sofa, Harry in his arms, while she was tending to Remus wounds. It was better than usual, because Padfoot was there again, but it was nothing pleasant to look at.

THe day following the full moon found Remus and Sirius sleeping, and Harry and Lily watching birds outside in the local park. For the first time in over a week, Lily felt normal.

The news came a week after the full moon.

"It's Frank and Alice. They're in St. Mungo's. Can you take Neville for today?" Augusta came knocking on the front door, Neville in her hands. Lily shifted Harry onto one hip and held her other hand out for Neville.

"Tell me how they are."

Augusta gave a curt nod and left.

She came back at the end of the day, her eyes red and her nose swollen. Lily knew the news was not good.

The next two days passed without event, except for the fact that Lily constantly felt sick. Remus and Sirius would more than not find her in the bathroom, kneeling against the toilet. She found that milk tasted much better than tea, and she despised Remus' chicken, which she used to eat as comfort food every day since the end of October.

It was Sirius who came out and said it, though it was Remus who explained it to her.

"Lily, are you pregnant?" He had asked when the three of them were sitting in the living room late in the afternoon.

What? No! No i'm not-" But then she remembered. The test she had ready in the bathroom in Godric's Hollow, ready to be taken that night. She stood up, grabbed the new purse Andromeda had got her, taken out some Muggle money and rushed out the door.

She returned a few hours later, a pregnancy test in her hand, and without a word to Remus or Sirius, she ran into the bathroom.

Positive. She was pregnant. No. She could not be pregnant. Not without James here. She couldn't. She crumpled in the corner of the room, her breath heavy and eyes foggy.

Sirius found her in the same place three hours later. Instead of talking, he simply sat next to her and pulled her into his arms, and let her cry..

She fell asleep unknowingly, and woke up on the bed, Harry at her side, Padfoot at the foot of her bed, and Remus on the chair, the only one awake.

Thanksgiving came and went, without any of them doing anything. They just didn't have anything to be thankful for. Sirius started his Auror training again, while Remus started working at the local Muggle library. Lily spent her day with Harry either at the library, or Augusta's house. Neville, Augusta, Andromeda, Ted and Nymphadora came round for dinner every saturday, and when the full moon fell on a saturday, Lily would go over to one of their houses with Harry.

Christmas was even more gloomy. Sirius drank himself to bed by ten in the morning, and the only joy Lily had was watching Harry open his presents. The three adults had agreed on no presents for themselves.

Lily's birthday was somewhat a happy event. Sirius and Remus had enlisted in Harry's help to wake her up, and it was until Nymphadora had morphed herself to look exactly like a nine year old Lily Evans that the day was happy. After that, all Lily could think about was Petunia.

She finally summoned the courage to visit Petunia a week before valentines. She didn't take anyone, knowing very well how Sirius and Remus would react to Petunia's harsh words. Instead, she gave Harry to Remus and left before Sirius woke up.

She apparated to the end of Privet Drive, hoping she didn't attract the attention of any Muggle passerbys. It took her a moment to recollect where Petunia lived, but when she did, her nerves only increased.

She knocked on the door to number 4, Privet Drive and waited. The door opened not thirty seconds later, by a woman with blond hair and such a smile that anyone could see it was fake. Until the woman saw who was standing at the door. Then her smile dropped.

"What do you want, Lily?"

"I don't know if you've heard, but James died."

"Oh." Her face was still stoic, but her voice had softened.

"I wanted to let you know. It's been about three months now."

"And?"

"And I'm pregnant.."

"How far?."

"About four months."

Lily didn't know why she did it, but she threw her arms around Petunia's neck, burying her face in her sister's shoulder. Petunia tensed for a moment, before relaxing and hugging her back. There were no tears, she had used up all her tears already, so instead they just stood there, in front of the door, and for once, Petunia didn't care about what the neighbours would think.

Valentine's day was not happy. Just 365 days ago they had spent Valentine's day with Harry, and having an early night. It wasn't even close to extravagant, but it was exactly what she had wanted.

This Valentine's, on the other hand, found her in one of James' old T-shirts, which was a perfect fit for her now rounding belly. She spent the day with Harry in her arms, refusing to leave him.

Sirius left after lunch, and he didn't come back until well after Lily and Harry were in bed. It was Remus who caught him sneaking back in drunk.

"Sirius." He warned, and Sirius turned around drowsily.

"What?"

"Where were you."

"Out."

"I need more of an answer."

"I'm an adult. I can go where I want without answering to you."

"That's not an excuse."

"It's the best you're going to get."

"Sirius."

"Okay fine!" Sirius exploded. "I went to the leaky cauldron! I drank Firewhisky! Is that the answer you wanted? Well I think I can go out and mourn. I think I can celebrate my best friend's life. It's not my fault that you can't." he snapped.

Remus stood, frozen in the kitchen, clutching the plate he was washing, which slipped from his fingers a few minutes later. "That's what you think of me? You think I don't care about James? You think he wasn't one of my best friends?"

"No Remus-" Sirius started.

"Forget it. If I'm not capable of doing so, I don't think I have a place in this family." With that, Remus ran out of the house, with only his coat and wand..

SIrius collapsed onto the sofa, pulling his hair. How could he have been so stupid? And Lily was going to, well he didn't want to think about it.

Lily found Sirius on the same couch the next morning, his hands still loosely clutching his hair. Shifting Harry to one side, she gently woke him up.

"Sirius, Sirius, wake up." She whisper shouted. Sirius slowly opened his eyes and rubbed his hands on them.

"Sirius, where's Remus? I didn't see him in his bedroom."

"He, oh god Lily! We fought, and he, he left." Sirius seemed too distraught to talk any further. Instead, Lily took out her wand and a silver Stag burst out. After getting over her initial shock, she gave the tsag instructions to find Remus and tell him to come home.

They waited the whole day, but Remus did not come back

It was half a month later when Remus made his appearance, bloodied and broken from his full moon transformation the night before. Sirius opened the door to find Remus slumped on the wall next to the door, and he half carried his friend to the sofa. Lily, who was now obviously pregnant, hurried to get the blood replenishing potion from the cabinet, and ushered Sirius out of the room.

She quickly patched Remus up the best she could, before leaving him to rest for the rest of the day, and went back to Sirius, who was now sitting with Harry in the kitchen, his head in his hands.

"Sirius?" She asked, but he didn't move.

"It's all my fault. It's the first transformation he's been through without me there since y'know."

"Sirius, it's not your fault. It was a bad transformation, nothing else."

"No LIly, I shouted at him. I did this to him!"

Lily didn't know what to say.

James' birthday came and went with Lily holed up in her room, Sirius drunk the whole day, and Remus to keep them in line. It seemed Harry was the only one who had any happiness left in him.

Remus' birthday was celebrated with a small party of the four. They ordered chocolate cake from a muggle bakery, and even Sirius drank tea instead of his usual coffee. Harry seemed to fall in love with chocolate, and Remus smiled proudly at him, smirking at Sirius who passed him ten galleons for one of their many bets, of which Lily had lost track of.

April and May passed smoothly, with Remus' transformations being the only excitement in the months. Remus' income and Sirius' inheritance were enough to support the family of four. Lily tended to go around the house, busying herself with anything she could, trying not to think about the new addition to her family who would be born in not two weeks.

Acacia Lily Potter was born on June 28th, in St. Mungo's. Harry was at home with Sirius, while Remus slept on the chair next to Lily's hospital bed.. Lily, no matter how tired, could not seem to close her eyes. Instead, she stared down at her daughter, who now slept soundly in her arms.

She went home the next afternoon, Sirius and Harry arriving in the morning to see her ("This is your sister Harry."), and the family, now of five, left just before lunch, for Sirius said Harry had helped him to prepare what he had termed "A feast worthy of the Hogwarts great hall!". Needless to say, it was nowhere close.

The nights following those were sleepless. Sirius and Harry slept in the hall, with a muffling charm around them so that Harry wouldn't wake up because of the crying. Remus and Lily shared the bed, while Acacia slept in her newly mantled crib at the corner of the room..

They had some up with a sort of system, Lily mused. It was like they knew who would take care of Acacia and who would entertain Harry. They didn't even have to speak to each other to know who would take whom.

July 31st dawned bright and early. Harry, who now spoke in small phrases, was singing 'Happy Birthday' to himself, which cracked a smile even from Acacia..

Remus and Sirius had teamed up to buy Harry another toy broom, much to Lily's dismay. But even she secretly admitted to Remus later that she had thought Harry missed his broom, and was planning to get another one from him.

Lily had done some Muggle shopping and found a stuffed Deer. She bought it immediately, knowing it would be the perfect gift, and she proved to be correct. Harry had even discarded his broom in favour of the stuffed animal, and no amount of coaxing from Sirius brought him to go back to his broom.

The day went considerably smoothly, if Lily could stop thinking about the fact that James should have been celebrating with them. She distracted herself with the task of a cake, which started out normal, but ended with the four of them eating the raw batter, (Acacia was too young to eat much) as it seemed Remus didn't have an oven. Lily didn't mind, it was one of the best day's she'd had since, well since last year before Halloween.

Halloween was not a happy event. Lily slept with Harry and Acacia by her side, waking up every hour to make sure they were still with her, still alive

If it were any other day, Sirius would have teased Lily about her jumpiness, but it was not. Instead, Sirius was equally as jumpy and on alert, his wand always on his side.

Remus was the only one of them who mustered up the courage to visit Godric's Hollow. After breakfast, he, along with Harry, flooed to Bathilda's cottage, where she gave Remus some tea and Harry a biscuit, which he promptly ate.

Remus walked, while Harry toddled by his side, towards the graveyard. Of the small village of Godric's Hollow. The gate creaked as he opened it, showing that it hadn't been open in a long time. He picked Harry up and walked through the graveyard, pausing every now and then to read the names on some of the graves.

He stopped short in front of the last grave. The gravestone was made of white marble, Siris' choice. Dried flowers strayed across the floor, like people had visited in the past months. Remus put Harry down and sat on the ground. He slowly reached out to trace the words on the gravestone, and he could feel the tears swimming in his eyes.

Harry looked up curiously at him, "What 'dat?"

Remus couldn't help but give a watery smile, "That's your Dada Harry."

"Dada? Dada down?"

"Dada's sleeping."

"Wake Dada."

"I'm sorry Harry." Remus felt a tear slip out onto his usually controlled face. He picked Harry up and sat him in his lap. "Do you want to say something to Dada?"

"Me love you." Harry turned back to Remus. "Where Mama? And baby?"

"You want to go back home?"

"Yes."

"Come on then." Remus stood up, Harry in his arms, ""Let's go back to aunt Bathilda's and go home."

Remus deposited Harry next to Lily, who was silently rocking Acacia, and then went into the room.

He wasn't seen till the next morning.

When Harry was three, he called Remus Dada. in the garden of their new and bigger house LIly felt like someone had punched her in the stomach. Remus felt the same way.

"Harry, I'm not your Dada. I'm uncle Remus."

"But you're here. Dada isn't. You're my new Dada." He said proudly, before wandering off to play with a now crawling Acacia..

Lily backed out step-by-step from the room. Remus noticed, but didn't stop her. The moment she reached the door, she fled. She went to the floo, and flooed straight to McGonagalls's office. Minerva looked surprised at her teary face, but she said nothing.

"Can I- Can I just roam the grounds for a while?" She pleaded, and McGonagall nodded. She rushed out the door and went straight to the black lake. She sat under her favourite tree, which overlooked the whole of the lake, gleaming in the afternoon sun. She searched around for a small rock and threw it at the lake, her tears still wet and fresh on her face.

Lily sat there for a few more minutes before walking towards the gates to go to Hogsmeade. She walked till the Hogs Head, where she gave Aberforth a murderous look, and he promptly brought her a Firewhiskey. She downed it all before asking for another, then another, and Aberforth put a stop on it after her sixth shot. He took her to the back of the bar, where he had his floo, and made her floo back to her cottage, where Sirius was waiting for her.

"Hi Sirius." She giggled, and then threw herself onto the couch, where Sirius was seated with a book.

"Y'know, James would be mad at me." She continued, and Sirius looked at her worriedly.

"Why?"

"I'm a bad Mummy."

"Who said that?"

"I did. Harry called Remus daddy. I didn't tell Harry who his Daddy is."

"Harry knows who his father is."

"But still."

"You don't mean that. Come on, let's get you into bed."

Sirius stood up and turned expectantly to Lily, who got up and swayed a little before he put a steadying arm around her waist, guiding her into her room.. He put her in bed, before silently turning around. But before he could go any further, a hand caught the back of his shirt.

"Padfoot?" Lily whispered, "Can you stay?"

Sirius turned back around, "Okay. Shove over." Sirius turned into Padfoot and climbed into bed with Lily, letting her stroke his fur, and before he knew it, he was asleep.

Lily wasn't. She lay awake in bed until the early hours of the morning, silently letting her tears fall.

The next morning, Lily dreaded getting out of bed, and not just because of her pounding headache. Sirius had left hours ago, and she could hear him singing loudly in the kitchen, Harry trying to join in and Acacia gurgling occasionally.

She perked up when heavy footsteps were heard in the hall, stopping at her door, before there was a knock.

"Lily?" Remus called from outside, "can I come in?"

She hesitated for a moment, but sighed and murmured a small 'yes'. Remus opened the door, walked to the window, and stood facing away.

"I'm sorry." He stated.

"It's not your fault." she mumbled.

"It as well as is. He called me, y'know."

"But what Harry said was right. His Daddy isn't there to be his Daddy, and that isn't fair. He should have another Daddy."

"That shouldn't be me. It should be Sirius, he's Harry's Godfather."

"I think- I think Harry gets to decide who he wants his Daddy to be."

"So you're okay with this." Remus retorted sharply, "You're willing to throw James aside like a rag doll and give Harry a new one?"

"No!" Lily shouted, before realisation hit her and she slumped back into her bed, "Oh god. Yes, that's exactly what I'm doing. Oh, I'm terrible, I'm terrible, Harry doesn't deserve me. Acacia doesn't deserve me. Oh god." She curled up into a ball, wrapping her arms around her knees. She could vaguely hear Remus calling her softly, but she paid no heed, choosing to stay buried in her own hair.

She only came to again when the bed dipped on the other side, and she could feel a hand on her shoulder, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

She turned around to meet Remus' eye. "No. You're right. Harry deserves to know James, and I've been neglecting it. I'll talk to him."

When Harry was four, he first met Neville Longbottom, who they happened to stumble upon in the nearby park.

When he was five, Sirius got into a fight with Remus and stormed out. He stayed with Andromeda for a while, before coming back and both men apologising.

When he was six, he started the local day school along with Neville. They met Hermione Granger, who nobody seemed to like. Harry liked her just fine.

When he was seven, he met Charlie and Bill Weasley and Tonks' birthday. Bill had just finished Hogwarts, and was going to Egypt for an internship as a curse breaker.

When he was eight, he found out why Remus disappeared for three nights every month. He asked if he could be a Werewolf too.

When he was nine, he found his mother crying in the laundry room. He hugged her while she weeped.

When he was ten, Remus sat down with him to talk about Voldemort. Sirius had taken Lily out that day, because she couldn't bear to stay in the house.

When he was eleven, he left for Hogwarts.

"Promise me you'll stay safe?" lily asked, still in the middle of a hug with her son, who had to get on the train in ten minutes.

"I'll be fine. Sirius will be there."

"He's not going to be there as a teacher, he's only coming for inspections of the forbidden forest on Dumbledore's request. And you are not to disturb him."

"Okay, I won't." Harry turned somber in the matter of a second, "You'll be fine right? I can, y'know, not go to Hogwarts, and Uncle Remus can teach me like he did before I went to school with Neville, and then I can stay with you and you won't be alone and-"

"Harry." Lily cut him off, "I'll be fine. Enjoy yourself, and don't do anything Uncle Remus wouldn't."

"That doesn't leave me with much." Harry grinned and said.

"No cheek from you. Now, off you go, and have fun."

Harry climbed onto the carriage door they were standing in front of.

While the train sped away, Lily buried herself in Remus' chest, longing for comfort. Remus led her back out and dissaperated to their house.

fin.