Only Human

by effinsusie

[COMPLETE] Winter is coming, and Kagome is prepared. A thoughtless wish binds Kagome to Sesshoumaru. Winner- FC Awards 2021 Q2, Best Angst- 3rd place Winner-FC Awards 2021 Q3, Best AU/AR- 3rd Place

19. 4 letter words

It was still light when the travelers reached their next village, but the sun would soon begin its descent; rushing rapidly upon the land until finally getting swallowed up by the horizon in the west. With it too would go the warmth that had sustained them generously throughout the day's journey, and offered respite from the freezing winter cold they had left eagerly behind them.

They were pleased to find this village was not ravaged by storm so mercilessly as theirs had been. Roads and roofs were bare of snow, and only sparse spatterings of white were visible in the treetops that lushly covered the surrounding land.

Quite fond of sunsets, and desirous of soaking in the last remains of daylight before another long, dark night was upon them; the miko of the group found her way to the gardens alone and claimed an unoccupied stone bench which granted an unobscured view.

General Yakimoto was the revered leader of this village's army. As such, he was accredited with much of the success the large town had enjoyed against the threat of numerous foe; human and demon alike.

Apparently, he was compensated well for his efforts. For the mansion he shared with only his housekeeping staff was the nicest Kagome had ever seen in this era. Maybe in hers too, if you didn't miss technology or plumbing.

The garden was beautiful and well-kept and large, and she was looking forward to later when she would be granted a more in-depth tour.

Inuyasha had really outdone himself this time. While he had been out and scouring the lands on his own, some light networking and his dog demon nose led him to the General who was somewhat of a local hero.

He'd never met the man before, nor had he ever heard of him. But some youkai he had encountered in his solo search for Rin had pointed to him as a promising resource.

If a demon caused any problems in his village, General Yakimoto was the one who took care of it. If a youkai even set foot in this town, he was immediately informed. But the General was an anomaly in that despite his lifetime protecting his people from the youkai threat, he harbored no ill-will towards demons in general.

He was only interested in removing the trouble makers; he had no quarrel with peaceful demons passing through. In fact, a good deal of his success was likely attributed to the valuable alliances he had made with them over the years, and the treaties they begat.

His study was home to very detailed catalogues, accounting where any attacks near his village took place, and when, and any known reason behind it. He took extra interest in the breed and families of those he'd done battle with, so that he may recognize any patterns and predict future incidents.

It was a well-made connection on Inuyasha's part. Very well-made. Because luckily for them, the General was also an incredibly generous man. Inuyasha had come to his door simply looking for information on the tigers. And though nothing had yet come to mind, he insisted on having the determined half demon's group stay with him as his guests. While there, he promised to comb through his notes and see if he found anything they may consider useful. It was a huge stroke of luck.

The rare opportunity to live in such luxury made it a fine time for Inuyasha to take a break. He would sleep there tonight to recharge, and enjoy a good meal before heading off tomorrow and venturing ahead as planned.

From Kagome's place on the bench as she prepared to take in the view, she could see across the gardens that she wasn't the only one with this idea. Bent on enjoying every spare moment allowed them, Inuyasha and Sango had claimed a seat on a low, sturdy branch protruding sideways from one of the trees. She was tucked into his side as they huddled close, and waited to witness which colors nature would be providing.

Kagome sighed wistfully as she watched them happily chat, wondering what kind of things lovers say to each other. Inuyasha and she used to sit in trees together all the time. And even though not romantic – at least, not on his end – those were some of the best times the two of them had shared. Trees made him sweet. Something about them lowered his guard, and opened his heart quite a bit.

When they leaned in to kiss, an involuntary gasp escaped Kagome's throat.

She still just wasn't used to it. Seeing him with someone. She didn't disapprove, but it was just going to take some time.

A good minute into the kiss, it was still ongoing. Getting deeper and... more involved, and making Kagome blush.

She hadn't meant to keep watching. She knew it was rude. But the graphic display was like a car wreck, and she just couldn't look away. The couple threatened to steal the show from the disappearing sun.

She was so engrossed in the private moment between her two packmates that she barely even noticed when another claimed the seat to her side.

"I didn't know you liked to watch. A woman after my own heart."

It took a moment for the words to register, and that's when she finally acknowledged the incorrigible monk.

"They weren't doing that when I sat down," she justified, turning back to watch the show. "I don't think they know I am here."

"I don't think they care."

She responded with a small, sheepish grin as his smile reached his eyes. Then, unsure of what to say next, she made an attempt at small talk; discussing their relationship as if it were the weather.

"They're sure moving fast, huh?"

Miroku gave a non-committal shrug and settled back in his seat.

"It's what happens when you're in love."

Of course Miroku wouldn't consider their progression anything out of the ordinary. He earned a cocked, mocking eyebrow from the miko at his side.

"Then you must fall in love every night."

"Sometimes twice," he confirmed with a wink.

She had to laugh just a little. It was exactly what she had expected. She turned back to the enthusiastic kissers and continued to voyeur wistfully.

"That doesn't sound like love to me. Love takes time. It grows slowly. Needs to be nurtured."

"Not always. Sometimes you just know."

But while she was watching the lovers, Miroku was watching her.

There was so much she didn't know. So much she had yet to understand about the world. He worried that if she continued to shelter her heart from the elements, she may not ever learn to let someone reach it.

"I think the sex clouds the judgement. They're so eager to hop in bed that they are willing to believe what they feel is love."

And then there were her views regarding sex. She seemed to believe it was a roadblock to the love she desperately craved. And she in no way entertained that it could actually be the bridge to it. No matter how often he tried to relay that simple message.

He smirked.

"Says the woman who has never had sex, or been in love."

She blushed at his accurate assessment. She thought she was in love, only a few short days ago. But that turned out to be a misjudgment on her end. And quite a big one.

Not wanting to examine that little fact at the moment, she tried to change the subject.

"So, that General Yakimoto seems nice," she began casually. Miroku, a gracious and perceptive man, was willing to let it drop.

"Indeed. It was very generous of him to offer to let us stay at his home, particularly such a nice one as this."

And it was nice. It was such a treat not to have to sleep on the dirt, or weasel their way into an inn. They were given everything they needed. They didn't have to find food, or use up their precious rations. It was the main reason Inuyasha decided to use this night to get his rest.

"Yeah, I gotta give it to Inuyasha. I hope he has the foresight to find us a place to stay every time he goes out. It would save us a lot of trouble."

"And afford us greater luxury," Miroku easily agreed.

It would be so nice to get this kind of treatment everywhere. But both travelers had a feeling that this was not going to be a common occurrence. So they would enjoy the comfort while they had it.

"Speaking of which, where is the General?"

Kagome leaned back, and finally removed her attention from the still aggressively making out couple in the distance. Miroku, however, was somewhat distracted by the display.

"He has Lord Sesshoumaru sequestered away in his study. When he realized who he was, he was quite eager to get some professional advice regarding his military strategies."

"And Sesshoumaru agreed?"

It was Sesshoumaru's intention to keep his identity on a very need to know basis. If word got out that the Lord of the West was suddenly human, there would be many after his title. Not to mention his life.

If this knowledge began to spread, the results could be devastating, so it was agreed upon not to mention it.

Luckily, his lack of markings and silver hair made him unrecognizable to the majority of humans. It was only for his clothing, and the General's elevated position in the military which allowed him to put the pieces together. And he had sworn to keep his mouth shut in return for assistance should his village ever require it in the future. He was a rather good negotiator.

"Of course. The General is doing us quite a service allowing us to stay here. Not to mention, I believe in return he had offered up some scrolls that may help us on our mission."

"What kind of scrolls?" she asked curiously, only to receive a casual shrug in return.

"You will have to ask him. I am but a humble monk."

That was another thing. The General had valuable information at his disposal. They'd hit the jackpot as far as records regarding any attacks in recent history.

And if all he wanted in return was a little advice on waging war, they were certain Sesshoumaru found the terms perfectly acceptable.

"I think he has a little crush on you."

The comment out of nowhere startled Kagome from her leering. Wide eyes seemed to inquire how perceptive the monk really was.

His knowing smile was telling, and Kagome relaxed a bit at the chance to share her burden.

She hadn't told anyone else yet, and she really needed some advice.

"He's definitely interested," she agreed with a sigh. "I just don't know how serious he is."

"He already spoke to you?" Now Miroku was finally compelled to tear his eyes away from the other entertainment. His incredulous reaction had Kagome shying back a bit. "But we've only been in his home for an hour! I have to say, this is my kind of fellow."

Realizing her mistake, she tried to backpedal quickly.

"You meant the General? Oh, I-"

"Who did you take me to mean?"

But it didn't take a genius to figure it out. Her blush said it all, and the lecher did his best at keeping his reaction passive.

He didn't want to embarrass her; then she wouldn't tell him anything. He had perfected methods of extracting this kind of information.

Plus, she looked like she needed a sympathetic ear.

"I see. What did Lord Sesshoumaru say to you?"

There was no use denying it. She hadn't planned on telling anyone because really, there wasn't much to tell. And she didn't want to inform others of what was occurring in her love life until she knew herself.

She gave an exaggerated sigh, slinking in her seat and turning her troubled gaze to the freshly cut grass below.

"Pretty much that I needed to figure my shit out. He told me to 'assess my value.'"

Miroku frowned. He would have wagered Sesshoumaru was not the sweet nothings type. But he wondered if the inexperienced woman might have been assigning connotations that perhaps were not intended.

"That... doesn't sound incredibly romantic. Are you certain you interpreted him correctly?"

"Well he kissed me." She eyed him mockingly. "How else would you interpret that?"

The monk was smiling wide. Now this what he was looking for. His response to her bold confession returned the pink to her cheeks.

"Did he now? That changes everything." He shifted his whole body to face her, and indulged in one eager clap. "Okay, details. Where did he kiss you?"

"Back at the inn." His face dropped in a way that told her she had missed the point completely.

"No, I mean where did he kiss you?"

Waggling his brows for emphasis made his sly grin appear even more suggestive. He earned a short laugh for his efforts.

"On the lips, of course. Where else would he kiss me?"

Leaning in slightly, he locked his gaze with hers.

"Which lips?"

Those eyebrows waggled again, and she finally huffed indignantly. With an incredibly large eyeroll, she stood and prepared to leave.

"I can't even talk to you."

A defeated chuckle escaped him. He knew he had a problem. He just couldn't help himself.

"Sit down, I'm sorry."

She glared as he tried to stifle his enjoyment, but her threat was only half-hearted. She needed someone to talk to, and Miroku operated with more discretion than most.

When he grabbed onto her arm, she let him pull her back and guide her to her seat once more.

Though he'd gotten his amusement under control for the most part, a small smile still played at the corners of his lips as he watched the young miko nervously resituate.

She was so woefully underprepared, despite her desire to be desired.

It was strange for her age, but her innocence was endearing.

"I take it you enjoyed this kiss?"

"Not at first," she admitted all too quickly, and began picking at her sleeve as a form of distraction. She furrowed her brow a bit as she forced herself to recall the less pleasant portion of that evening.

"He said some awful things to me. He made me say terrible things too. I was so angry at him, and I definitely didn't want him touching me like that." She stopped her fiddling as she recalled how the incident had progressed. "But then halfway through it, yeah. I was enjoying it."

It had really been bothering her, and she didn't know how to interpret her reaction to him.

She knew she didn't want to feel this way. Not for him. But she refused to lie to herself and insist there was nothing exciting, or enjoyable about the way that kiss had turned out.

She wondered if there was something wrong with her. Something with her judgement. Because when looked at logically, she knew the smart thing to do would be to just ignore her stupid hormones and write them off as a superficial attraction to a very attractive man.

Like, ridiculously attractive.

That had to be all it was. She'd once prided herself as not being as shallow as a certain other female member of the group, so she shouldn't let herself be blinded by his handsome face and impressive physique.

But yet, she couldn't get that kiss out of her head.

The way his tongue commanded hers. Giving orders and encouraging obedience.

But at the same time, he was permissive. He seemed slightly astonished when for a moment she tried to take charge of the encounter. And in that brief instant, it appeared that he was willing to let her. That he was eager to hand over control for once, and would even know pride if she could manage such a feat.

And then there was the way his lips felt. The way they moved in time with hers, and told without words exactly what he wanted from her. Despite being horribly mangled by an opponent, it did not hinder their power, or her ability to enjoy them.

How the taste of him was not deluded by the traces of blood they wept, but accented fantastically in an unforgettable concoction that was not only unique to him, but unique to that night. To that specific experience. She could still taste it.

How his hard body pressed into hers with obvious need; trapping her unnecessarily, and reminding her of the night she had saved him. Forcing her to remember bare skin and deft hands.

But how did they get there? How did things escalate so quickly?

"It's the strangest thing. One minute we were screaming at each other, and the next..."

Miroku smiled knowingly at her distant expression. He was patient as he waited for her to return from her reverie.

She mentally shook herself, and fixed her troubled expression on her good friend.

"I don't know what to do. I can't deny there is something there, but I just don't know if he's good for me. He brings out a side of myself that I really don't like. I think he brings out the worst in me."

Wide, imploring eyes turned helplessly to the experienced monk. "Should I really be around someone like that?"

She looked legitimately distraught, and all mirth in her predicament washed away as Miroku took on the role of a therapist of sorts.

"What do you believe he brings out in you?" She seemed to struggle a moment as she tried her best to articulate.

"I mean, I'm a pretty compassionate person, right? I feel like I can be kind to just about everyone."

He nodded in agreement, though he got the feeling the question was rhetorical.

"But when I'm around him, he seems to enjoy making me lose my patience. It's like he's always pushing me into saying the meanest thing I can think of. I feel like he is trying to drag me into the gutter with him; prove that I'm not as nice as I thought I was."

Miroku noticed her knuckles turn white as she clenched her hand tightly into a fist, but chose not to comment.

"Lord Sesshoumaru can be... very blunt."

"That's exactly what I told him! But I like that about him. I find his honestly very refreshing."

Gripping his own chin between his fingers in contemplation; he was trying to assemble everything she had told him into an accurate, if not simple, problem statement. "Then, you like that he tells the truth, but maybe you just don't like what the truth happens to be?"

By the way she deflated, he thought he might have biffed it.

"Are you saying you really don't think I am a good person?" she asked timidly, earning a warm smile from the monk.

"Of course not. You are the kindest soul I have ever encountered, and I am sure the others feel the same. You are an angel in a world of demons."

She seemed to relax at his assessment. And though still deeply troubled, she appeared grateful for the compliment.

"But Lord Sesshoumaru is a demon. In his heart he is at least. He isn't used to dealing with anyone as selfless as you. I would wager that any kindness he is shown is generally out of fear, or with the intentions of receiving something in return." Putting his arms in his sleeves, he tried to drum up what his travels and teachings had taught him. Kagome listened to the scholar with undivided interest.

"The youkai world is transactional. Nobody does anything out of the kindness of their heart. Everyone has an agenda. Maybe he is just trying to suss out yours. He may not yet conceive that you are helping simply because you wish to help him."

She hadn't considered that, and the prospect saddened her a bit.

Did all demons really only help each other simply for reciprocation? And didn't he know by now that she didn't want anything from him? She'd promised to help, so that's what she was trying to do.

Though to be fair, he still didn't know exactly why she felt so inclined to help him. If he knew about her wish, it might be easier to understand her motives. But that, she'd already decided, was not a good idea. Not yet, anyway. And maybe even not ever.

"Whatever you think it is he brings out in you; it appears that he likes it. He did kiss you, after all."

She fought off another blush as he resisted the urge to smile at her. Neither was faring well in their endeavor.

"Well if he just wants me to be a bitch, he can find someone else to spin up. I don't want to be mean all the time. I don't like to feel hatred."

Yes, he would imagine being cruel did not come easy to the girl. It was probably even painful for her.

She never offered a harsh word to anyone, even if they deserved it. The thought gave him an idea.

"Maybe he just wants to know what you really think of him," he tried with a shrug, and elaborated at her puzzled expression. "Lord Sesshoumaru is a great leader because he leads by example. He expects nothing of anyone he does not also adhere to. He can demand brutal honesty from others, because he practices it himself. In his eyes, the worst thing a leader can be is a hypocrite."

She still didn't understand. Just because he acted like a jerk, he wanted everyone else to as well?

To what, validate his awful behavior? Did it make it okay as long as she did it too?

Was that how he elevated his status; by bringing everyone else lower?

"It is possible he is using drastic measures to force you to be straight up with him." He smiled sympathetically as she still tried to comprehend. "You are kind, Kagome-sama. But in showing kindness, you tend to gloss over the traits in others that would perhaps be considered unpalatable. I don't know if you simply don't see them, or if you downplay them to be polite."

She sunk a bit at his gentle accusation.

She knew how others saw her. Knew how her upbeat optimism and unshakeable cheer made her appear naïve to the people in this time.

But with all the tragedy they seemed to encounter on a near daily basis, she thought it was important to keep everyone's spirits up.

"I know not everyone is 100% good," she conceded. "Nobody is. I just don't see the need to point out everyone's shortcomings. Even flawed men deserve to be treated with compassion. Especially them."

"Perhaps, but I'm willing to bet Lord Sesshoumaru does not appreciate the courtesy. He would rather someone be cruel and honest than kind for politeness sake."

He was a bit taken aback by her abrupt, unladylike scoff.

"Yeah right. Let's just ask how many of his servants back West are encouraged to pop off at him."

"Maybe you're right," he agreed with a chuckle. Actually, he was quite certain of it. "But maybe he has a different set of standards for those he considers his peers."

"You really think he considers me a peer?" she asked dubiously. "I'm just a 'lowly human'."

"At the moment, so is he. And he did kiss you. I doubt he goes around doing that with just anyone."

Her thoughts turned sour as she remembered their last conversation.

"He might if I didn't tell him not to."

Miroku hid his surprise at that confession. Both that she would demand such a thing, and that the handsome lord would oblige her.

He'd seen the man in action. He certainly had no trouble garnering the right kind of attention for himself. If he was willing to give up all that for Kagome, then perhaps his interest was deeper than she seemed to realize.

"You expressed doubt in his intentions. If he is avoiding contact with others just to please you, that sounds serious enough to me."

"Is it though?" she asked, and gestured to the – wow, still going at it – couple in the tree, and hoped her dog-eared friend has been too distracted to eavesdrop. "I'm not like you, and Inuyasha and Sango. I can't get involved with someone just because I am attracted to them if I am not positive they are going to stick around. I get attached. And something like that is going to be a big deal for me. What if," she looked away shyly, "something happens between us, and then he gets bored. Or decides he doesn't like me-"

"Or changes back into himself," the monk supplied helpfully, suddenly attuned to her reluctance.

"Exactly. Or finds Rin and goes home. I just don't know him well enough to judge his intentions yet."

"Then get to know him," he suggested, as if it was the simplest thing in the world. "I don't think we are finding young Rin tomorrow, unfortunately. And we aren't any closer to figuring out how to change him back to the way he was. We're all going to be spending a lot of time together, so use it wisely. He's a patient guy. I'm sure he can control himself."

As uncertainty swirled and accumulated in her aura, his sly grin returned.

"Unless, it's not his control you are worried about."

That earned a glare, and he backed down immediately.

"And of course, you could always just ask him. You just said you trust him to tell you the truth. Ask him what he wants to do."

He could understand her conundrum, and it only betrayed her inexperience. But he fought off the urge to tell her what was obvious.

There is no certainty in things like these. There is no way to be positive that someone you grow to care for is going to stick around forever. It's the chance everyone takes when falling in love. And even when two people promise to stay together, he was well aware it was often not the way things worked out.

But her situation was admittedly an unusual one. Everything regarding her tended to be.

She was just going to have to figure out what she was willing to risk to give things a try. And how much trust she was willing to put into a man who was occasionally their adversary.

"You're right. Thanks, Miroku," she said with a grateful smile.

He bowed his head in reply.

"Any time."

With one last look at the couple in the tree, she decided she'd seen enough. She'd already missed the sunset while the two discussed her problems, and the pinks and oranges that remained would soon yield to the dark winter night.

She turned back to her friend, and clapped her palms dramatically on her thighs.

"Well, I'm gonna go find the General. He said something about a tour. You coming?"

But he was already turned from her.

"No, I'm going to stay and watch a bit longer."

She shook her head as he continued to leer into the tree as if he were studying a painting.

"Such a pervert."

'But a helpful, well-meaning pervert.'

Before she began to stand, however, the subject of their conversation was spotted approaching on their side; coming out from the mansion.

Kagome flustered a moment, and Miroku used the opportunity to rise before she got the chance. He used her shoulder to aid his ascent, and prevent hers.

"There's Sesshoumaru-sama!" he announced once the man in question joined them at the bench. "That must mean the General is free to give me that tour. You may take my seat."

Miroku gestured insistently as he got out of the way. And before Kagome could object, Sesshoumaru was sitting beside her.

"But you-"

"I will send him your way when we are through. Tah-tah."

He turned so fast to make his way out of the garden that he never got to see the impressive glare she was leveling at him. And that was a shame.

"I had no idea you were a such glutton for punishment, miko."

She tore her gaze away from that damn monk to look at the man beside her inquisitively.

But he was not looking at her. His eyes were across the garden, watching on distastefully as his little brother made a fool of his father's blood right out in the open.

"Why else would you subject yourself to such torment?"

She thought he was referring to the feelings she had for his brother. But the way his lips curled in unconcealed disgust told her that maybe it was the torment they could share.

She smiled, enjoying his objection, and turned to watch with him. Somehow, with him there, it made the whole thing a little easier to stomach.

"Oh, I'm not. Actually, I was thinking it's kind of cute."

The scandalized expression she glimpsed out of the corner of her eye made it well worth the effort.

His eyes shifted to look down on her, and he found it was easily a sight he preferred.

"In that case, you and I have severely different definitions of what could be considered 'cute.' I find the display repulsive."

"I'd be interested to hear what the Western Lord considered cute."

She turned to smile up at him, and he managed to hold her gaze for several heart-stopping beats. Ironically.

When it became too much, she turned back just in time to see their connected tongues venturing outside of their mouths, and blanched.

"Okay, maybe it is a bit sickening."

"Hn. Indeed."

She turned back to him fully, intent on ignoring whatever else was taking place in her periphery at the moment.

"But still, it's kind of sweet. In times like these, with all those two have gone through... It's nice that they are able to carve out a little love for themselves. Its romantic."

She was still coming to terms with their relationship. But she decided that since there wasn't much she could do about it, she might as well be happy for them. Her talk with Miroku earlier in the last village had helped put things in perspective.

"I will never understand you humans' obsession with love, and romance."

She smiled back sadly, because it wasn't exactly a surprise.

"Demons must fall in love too. It can't just be a human thing."

"Perhaps not," he easily conceded. "Though it is something that tends not to be thrown about so frivolously."

She supposed she could see his point. At least demons didn't appear to put up any pretenses when it came to their feelings. Lying to themselves, or their partners was useless, and considerably more difficult.

"Weren't your parents in love?" she wondered. She could have sworn she heard the regal man snort.

"Hardly. Like most demons of power, their union was strategic. Carefully constructed to foster powerful alliances, and breed strong, powerful children. I am the result of such a union."

She looked on sympathetically, and tried to decide if that was what his folks had told him, or if it was just how he had observed them. She hoped he had a loving upbringing at least. But by the way he acted, she kind of doubted it.

"That doesn't mean they didn't love each other. Don't you think it was possible?"

He continued to cast down at her suspiciously, trying to discern her motives. Or why she would possibly care.

"My parent's attraction to one another was never in dispute. Being the strongest and most desirable of their species made it biologically impossible not to be drawn to one another. And with time, affection was borne as well. But love is something rarely sought after in youkai circles, and even more rarely found."

Falling in love tended more often than not to be a hinderance to more logical ambitions. You couldn't get ahead if you let your emotional attachments guide you away from acting in your own best interests.

It was why it was seen as a weakness. You need to be able to control your petty desires in order to see your kind and your family line flourish. He knew first-hand what could be wrought if this well-known plight was ignored. What was the point of being in love if you were not strong enough to protect it?

"My father loved Izayoi." He wasn't sure why he offered that information. Something about the way she was looking at him made him want to throw her a bone.

Her sympathetic smile took on a more fawning quality.

"Aww. He told you that?" He tried not to shift uncomfortably as he was forced to recall that relationship.

"He did not have to. There was no reasonable explanation for that ill-fated attraction. I find in such cases, matters of the heart often play a role."

His attention returned to his brother as he spoke. It was hard to ignore the fruits of that union as he spoke of it.

"And still, he had to step outside his race to find another foolish enough indulge him. Love is an affliction of humanity for the most part. I still fail to understand it myself."

It wasn't exactly what she wanted to hear. Having a man who she was considering starting a relationship with tell her he thought love was silly and wanted no part of it was certainly disappointing to a romantic like her.

But she held out hope that maybe things could change for him.

"It's not a bad thing," she tried.

"It clouds one's judgement."

He spoke with such certainty that he earned himself an uneven smirk.

"How do you know if you've never been in love?" she taunted.

His sideways gaze slid down to her condemningly.

"Exactly."

She faltered. She supposed she was also speaking of something in which she personally had no experience. Just like Miroku had accused, she was projecting her ideals as if she knew what she was talking about.

But so was he.

Seeing as she had just about as much experience as him in the matter, she decided to let it drop for now.

They sat in comfortable silence for a moment. Pink conquered orange as the clouded sky seemed to stretch endlessly across the horizon, and beyond where they could view.

She looked past the couple cuddling in the tree, and wondered not for the first time what a sunset looked like to a demon with superior vision. Was he missing that right now? Did he even have a frame of reference?

Or did he not bother with such indulgences back when he was himself?

She wondered if seeing particular things made him ache for his previous form, and what those things could be.

"So, how are you doing with the whole humanity thing? Getting some insight to the human condition?"

He sat up a little straighter, and tried to look offended that she would even suggest such a thing. Despite being a simple mortal, he still knew how to brandish his superiority well enough to make you feel like a bug.

"I always knew humans were weak and foolish creatures. My time in your skin only confirms it."

She pushed down her annoyance at his continued casual insults. He was trying his best to distance himself from the body he was forced to walk around in. But it still hurt to hear him speak of her race like they were nothing but insects. She'd hoped he would have grown a little, or would at least start caring enough not to try and hurt her.

"Haven't you learned anything? Maybe developed a little more understanding?"

His look said it all. Maybe she was just projecting ideals again. But still, she tried to make a case for it, and it was her turn to straighten.

"Well, I like you better this way."

"You do." It wasn't a question. His bored monotone sounded more like he agreed with her.

"Yes. You're more approachable. A little easier to talk to." She paused just a moment to try and regard him coyly. "And it's kind of cute to see your vulnerable side. I wasn't so sure you had one."

He looked thoroughly scandalized, and she had to repress her giggle.

"Not to mention, you don't look half bad human. Figures you would wear it better than most of us who have been doing it our whole lives."

The compliment seemed to mollify him a bit. He enjoyed the way her eyes took a slow pass over his body. It was nothing compared to its former glory, but he found he took solace in the fact that she seemed to approve.

And he had to admit, as far as human bodies went, she hadn't done too poorly herself. The cold weather had seen to her hiding it lately with her longer, more protective clothing. But the mansion was well heated, and the sun had been out. So she had slipped back into the green skirt she for some reason preferred.

Now that he thought about it, he preferred it too, and seeing her exposed legs once again reminded him of the cave, and all he had seen of her that night.

He hadn't appreciated it at the time, and he wished he'd taken a moment to do so back when he had the chance. Perhaps there was still time...

"So there really isn't anything you've enjoyed about being human so far?"

Her question tore him from his lament, and he withdrew his longing gaze from her bare skin to distract him from his thoughts. But with nowhere else to look, he refocused his attention to his half-brother in the distance, and the sight of the lip-locked couple brought forth another memory involving the girl at his side.

"Our kiss... was not unpleasant," he finally admitted. Begrudgingly, but not exactly with a gun to his head.

She smiled in triumph at perhaps being the highlight of his misadventure so far. Her cheeks were beginning to match the clouds, and she tried to respond with the same confidence he usually emitted.

"Of course not. I'm a good kisser," she bragged, but she really didn't have much to go by. Still, she gave another coy smile and decided to tease him a little. "You could use some practice."

"I am not opposed." She laughed at his quick response, and deadpan delivery. It was so weird to see him flirt, but definitely not unwelcome. She wondered if he was always this way with women, or if his human side was bringing it out.

"See, now you're sounding like a man. Maybe you do need to get laid."

"Also, not opposed." He was looking at her more intently now. But when she flushed, he finally allowed a small smirk to grace his cruel lips, and he granted her reprieve by releasing her from his gaze.

"Okay, you're starting to sound like a dog again." She smiled shyly to herself and tucked a wayward lock of hair back behind her ear. "I think you are spending too much time with Miroku."

As she attempted to avoid his gaze, he took the opportunity to appreciate her soft, unassuming profile in the light of the sunset. She really was stunning.

"Perhaps I am keeping other stimulating company."

When he looked at her this time, there was an earnestness in his eyes that doubled her heart's pace. The way his features softened just a little encouraged her breath to hitch. But she gathered herself, unwilling to flounder foolishly, and tried once again to tap into the confidence he inspired.

"Did you just say I was pretty?" she asked, trying not to sound hopeful yet yearning for that confirmation. She wanted him to say it plainly, because Sesshoumaru didn't lie.

That's why his word meant everything. Why his opinion was so important. She knew she could trust him to tell her exactly what he thought. All he had to do was call her beautiful, and she would know she was. He could make or break her with just a single word.

"You are stunning," he gently informed her, causing her heart to soar, "for a human."

And then, just as quickly, he dropped it on the ground.

"And, were back," she muttered into her chest. Her hopes had never been that high to begin with.

Disappointed, and a little hurt, Kagome stood. Brushing the dirt off her butt, she tried not to look terribly affected.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

She took him in again, recognizing the slightly confused expression he now wore. The sight actually softened her a bit.

He was trying. She couldn't imagine how difficult this change must be for him. And really, compared to how he used to be, he was actually coming along incredibly well. She smiled reassuringly.

"I gotta go. General Yakimoto is going to give me the tour. Later, Sesshoumaru."

He nodded in understanding, and watched as she brushed passed and hurried back toward the mansion.

---

"Where's General Yakimoto?"

Kagome entered the dining area where the rest of the group was sitting. After showing her the kitchen and instructing the chefs to make whatever his new guests wanted for dinner, the General was surprised when Kagome begged him to let her prepare the meal herself.

The kitchen was fully stocked with anything she could imagine, and the selection of meats his hunters provided left the possibilities nearly endless. She would never get the chance to cook like this again; not in this time anyhow. Besides, she didn't feel comfortable making the staff do something she knew they could handle easily on their own.

The General helped get the meat going before leaving her to it. He had business across town and wouldn't be back until tomorrow.

It was clear she knew what she was doing, and he was charmed and amused at her determination.

And the cooks certainly didn't mind retiring early one bit.

"He had some business to go see too. He said we can make ourselves at home."

The meat had to cook for a while, so Kagome took a little break and joined the others around the table.

The three friends were playing a game with the cards Kagome had given them while Sesshoumaru watched on and tried to learn the rules.

She squeezed in next to Sango, and the taijiya tried not to smirk at the girl.

"Such a generous man," she began faux-causally. Deceptively cool. "And so handsome, too. I think he likes you, Kagome."

This earned a snicker from the hanyou sitting beside her, and she lowered her eyes in embarrassment.

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" she asked shyly, still not looking at them.

"None of us got the personal tour. Did he show you his bedroom?" Sango asked, sticking her elbow in Kagome's side.

"It was a tour! He wasn't up to anything."

"Uh huh. Maybe you can get him to help us. Just ask him real nice to let us borrow his army. He might even want to come along." The slayer's smile grew as she finally played her hand. When she threw the cards on the table, Inuyasha and Miroku groaned and surrendered their cards.

Pushing the pile aside, Sango dealt Kagome into the game.

"He's got plenty to do here. Besides, he's helped enough."

Kagome arranged the cards in her hand, while the other woman seemed to be looking right through her own.

"But he's so large and muscular. If I wasn't with Inu-"

"But you are, so stop yappin.'" She flashed a grin at his jealous reaction, and tried to peek at his cards before he pulled them against his chest with a scowl.

They each played a card, and it was Sango's turn to draw.

"I'm just saying, maybe after this is all over, Kagome might want to come back for a visit. He looks like he can take good care of you. Look at this beautiful house."

Kagome wasn't really worried about Miroku repeating their earlier conversation to the others. Especially now that he was no longer with Sango. And from the way the new couple was acting, it appeared they had been as distracted in the tree as she assumed.

"I take care of myself just fine, thank you," she replied with her nose in the air. "Besides, he isn't my type."

She cut a sly glance to Sesshoumaru, whose focus was purely on the card game taking place. A brief look in Miroku's direction revealed him hiding his amusement behind his cards.

"What isn't? The big strong warrior type? Or the human type?"

The question posed by Sango had the other two men giggling. Sesshoumaru only seemed annoyed that the game had paused as a result.

"What's so funny?" Kagome asked, and Inuyasha took the liberty.

"Come on. We all know Kagome ain't interested in human men. She's sent every one of 'em packing. But say, when Kouga comes around-"

"I was not interested in Kouga."

Throwing her card angrily on the table put the game back in motion.

"Maybe not. But you at least let him wriggle on the line for a bit." She offered no rebut, and the others noticed.

"Admit it, if he ain't a youkai, you ain't interested." Inuyasha accented his point by throwing his own card down harshly. This ended the round and they pushed the cards aside.

"I will not admit it. I don't discriminate like that. I operate on a person to person basis."

"Or youkai to youkai."

"Exactly. I judge everyone by the goodness in their heart, not the youki in their bloodstream."

Miroku was dealing now, and the suspiciously quiet monk finally turned his focus on the young miko.

"Are there any other organs you judge a man by, Kagome-sama? And what exactly are your requirements in that regard?"

He seemed pleased with himself for that one, and she refused to reward his suggestive question by altering her expression.

"Yes, as a matter of fact. And I'm afraid that your brain isn't big enough for me, houshi."

She played her card without looking at him, and the couple to her side laughed in response.

Miroku's grin never faltered as he waited for his turn.

"My brain might be small, but I assure you; I make up for it in other areas."

She didn't bother to look up from her hand to acknowledge his waggling eyebrows.

"It doesn't matter. I'm sure they are both diseased, and that's another deal breaker."

"I am wounded!" was barely heard over the eruption of laughter at her side.

As it died down, Inuyasha looked up to the only man not thoroughly enjoying this display. He continued to watch the cards with a bored expression, and the hanyou realized in that moment he should never teach his half-brother poker. He'd win every single game.

"So Sesshoumaru... you figure any more about what turned you into a demon? Since you were able to do it once, it must be possible to do again."

They all knew about the night he had gotten his shirt back from those soldiers. He never divulged the details, but nobody was complaining about that. The important part was that he had been able to turn back. Now, they just had to figure out how he did it.

"Regrettably, I have not," he admitted stiffly. "I was alone in my room when I changed, and by daybreak I had returned to this human form."

"Huh, that's funny," Sango off handedly quipped. But when two violet eyes narrowed and leveled her with malicious scrutiny, she couldn't fight the urge to shrink a little in her seat.

"How?" He demanded, tilting his head to the side as if prepared to analyze her reply. She grew increasingly nervous under his icy glare, and even the reminder that he was now human did little to ease her discomfort. But she forced herself to meet his eyes and answer him.

"Demon only for a night," she clarified around a faint squeak; clearing her scratchy throat before turning to the others. "Maybe he has a monthly change, just like Inu-"

"Just like in that story we heard," Kagome interrupted curtly, shutting Sango down with her eyes and her urgency. "That Sesshoumaru hasn't heard yet, and still doesn't know about..."

Sure, Sesshoumaru was in the pack. But he still hadn't earned enough trust to be privy to their most guarded secrets. If this journey was going to take any length of time, the odds were good he was going to find out sooner or later.

But for now, just in case, it was not something he needed to know about.

Perceptive as he was, he got the feeling they were keeping something from him. But as long as it had nothing to do with him, he supposed he didn't really care.

"What story?" he asked Kagome.

"Just a fairytale about a demon who turns human the night of the full moon." She hoped that was vague enough to throw him off the trail. "But the moon wasn't full that night."

"No," he confirmed, his eyes back on the game. "It was the peak of the waning crescent."

"Just like your marking," Inuyasha remarked as he got his new cards in order. "Maybe that's it."

Sesshoumaru met his brother's gaze for a contemplative moment.

"Hn. Perhaps."

"But if that's the case, then he has no way to control it. And I can't think of any way to expand it for longer."

Inuyasha was thinking about his own human night, and trying to drum up anything else that may draw parallels. So far, he was coming up empty.

"Guess we'll have to wait and see if it happens again next month, or if he changes again before that," Sango opined. Inuyasha nodded in agreement before looking back to his half-brother.

"At least you'd have one night a month. Then, you can transform and look for Rin-"

"We will find her before then."

The room became silent at his sharp, insistent tone. Kagome looked on sympathetically, before determinedly agreeing.

"Of course we will."

They all fell silent a moment while another round was played.

"Keh, maybe something else triggered it. You said you were just hanging out alone in your room when it happened?"

Sesshoumaru nodded once.

"Did anything important happen before that?"

"It was the night those soldiers broke my arm. I can recall nothing particularly exciting after that. Can you, miko?"

Everyone's eyes were on her, and suddenly her cards became incredibly interesting.

He didn't seem particularly inclined to broadcast the lapse of self-control they'd recently demonstrated. But then, he also didn't seem super interested in maintaining secrecy.

He was leaving it up to her, and it seemed like a no-brainer.

"Nope, definitely not. Just another boring, totally forgetful night." She finally lifted her gaze to meet his, but the only reaction she received was a knowing smile from Miroku that nobody else seemed to notice.

"Maybe Myoga knows something." Inuyasha's off handed suggestion is what tore his gaze from the miko.

"I doubt that old fool will be of any assistance."

"He might know something," he offered with a shrug. "He's been around a long time." Seeing his half-brother's displeased expression made something amusing occur to him, and he flashed a fanged grin. "Keh, you're just too embarrassed to let him see you like this."

Sesshoumaru lifted his chin, and looked down at him disdainfully.

"I am already forced to endure swarms of humans on a daily basis, why would I want to burden myself with even more insects?"

"Hey! I've told you not to refer to us as insects!"

His head snapped to the side at the miko's outburst. Regarding her thoughtfully for a moment, he tilted his head a fraction.

"I was not referring to you specifically. However, you cannot deny that in general humans are little more than useless pests." The casual insults were beginning to mount, and she threw her cards on the table before she lost her patience.

"No, I don't agree. And I refuse to sit here and be insulted." Kagome rose gracefully, if not hastily from her seat. "This useless pest is going in the kitchen to finish making your dinner. Is that acceptable, your majesty?" She stood, and he was surprised to find that she seemed to be actually waiting for an answer. After a moment, he complied.

"I suppose." He sounded more confused than anything else. But as she spun from him, he deduced it must not have been the answer she desired.

"I'll come help." Sango kissed Inuyasha, and got up to follow her friend into the kitchen.

Down to two players, Inuyasha gathered up the cards from the table. As he was doing so, Miroku boldly leaned in closer to Sesshoumaru who was staring off where the ladies had disappeared.

"Perhaps that wasn't wise, my lord. Kagome-sama is very sensitive to such criticisms."

Sesshoumaru shrugged his shoulder, and continued to stare after where the women had exited.

"I only gave my honest opinion. She will get over it."

"Of course she will," he agreed. "She is very forgiving. But in the meantime, her anger may prevent her from being...as accommodating as she may have otherwise been."

Sesshoumaru turned to his side at the monk's puzzling statement. Unaware of his conversation with Kagome, he simply studied his face trying to determine his meaning. He could see that the monk appeared as if he was trying to be helpful, but of what, he had no idea.

"Feh, he don't care if she's pissed off at him. He's gonna be a bastard no matter what."

With a grin, Inuyasha scooted closer and threw the pack of cards aside.

"Alright. Now that the girls are gone, you need to tell us the rest of that story."

Miroku's eyes lit up as the hanyou eagerly leaned in.

The men weren't often left to their own devices. But when they were, Miroku had a deep well of tales involving his personal experiences on the road.

"The one with the lord's wife? Or the fisherman's sister?" he asked, excited to share of his conquests.

"Lord's wife."

"Ah, yes. Okay, where was I?"

Sesshoumaru fought off an eyeroll and considered leaving the table to explore the mansion again. But he didn't want to appear as if he had a weak constitution, and he would not be chased out of a room. So while he didn't look the slightest bit interested, he remained seated, and silent as the monk continued the story he had not yet been able to finish before getting interrupted.

"So I'm in this lord's mansion. His bedroom is on the top floor, and he is gone on business. The wife invites me over-"

"Yeah, yeah, you've already told us that part. Get to the part in the bedroom."

Miroku thought for a moment, trying to remember where he had left off.

"Oh yes. Okay, I've got her on the bed. I'm completely naked, and I've got her down to her unmentionables. Just as I'm going to remove her breast bindings, we here a loud noise. The lord is home early, and calling for her. She panics."

His audience is enthralled - at least by half - so he continues enthusiastically.

"She urges me to hide in the closet, but if you remember that story with the fishman's sister, it did not work out for me in the past."

"Yeah, he found you and pounded you to dust," Inuyasha gleefully recalled. The monk wagged his finger once.

"Exactly. But there was no escaping the bedroom without running into him in the hall. And this particular lord was the jealous type. Incredibly insecure."

"And big, right?"

"Very big. Mammoth," Miroku assured him sternly.

"So with time running short, I decided at the last minute to hop out the window, and hang from the ledge while she quickly got rid of him."

"You had time to get back into your robe?" Inuyasha asked incredulously. Miroku shook his head.

"No! I'm hanging out there, for all the world to see, wearing nothing but a terrified expression. And, it was the middle of the day, so I only prayed that no one happened to be looking in her window in that moment."

"Ha! They would have seen the moon at noon." Inuyasha chuckled at his own joke. His friend smiled in response.

"So he barges in, sure he was going to catch her doing something indecent, and is surprised to find her alone. Apparently, I was not the first gentleman to have been taken to his wife's bed.

"He's suspicious. But, she's in her underwear. And tells him she has been waiting for him to come home." He paused for dramatic effect, but only Inuyasha was leaning in anxiously with a large grin on his face.

"Before I know it, they start going at it on the bed, and I am left just hanging there. My arms are killing me, but it was quite a drop. So I kept hanging on." He held his arms up for reference.

"But it's over quickly. I can see why she called on me." The hanyou cackled in reply. "When he's done, he gets ready to leave, and I think I'm in the clear. But just then, he finally notices my robes on the floor, and starts frantically searching for a naked man. He checks the closet, everything, and I'm not there."

Inuyasha waited on baited breath to learn of his friend's terrible fate. He did not disappoint.

"I ventured a peek to see what was going on. In that very moment, he sees me, and rushes for the window." Inuyasha gasped excitedly.

"With no other options, I let go. Drop, three stories, and into the prickle bushes below."

The hanyou groaned sympathetically. "That had to hurt."

"Indeed," he agreed. "Luckily, nothing was broken. But I had to run all the way home in nothing but my skin. That's how I got the nickname 'flash' in my old village."

The half demon began howling maniacally, and clapped a few times in appreciation.

"Oh man, that's so great! How humiliating." Holding his stomach, he tilted his head to aim his laughter at the ceiling above. Miroku took no offense to his friend's mockery. Instead, a devious smile grew on his features and he threw a hand on Inuyasha's shoulder.

"It wasn't all bad," he assured him shamelessly. "I met a very attractive woman on my way home, who invited me in for cover. She was a soldier's mistress and-"

"Hey, where are you going?"

At the story's conclusion, Sesshoumaru finally stood. Indulging in a light stretch, he turned from the table and planned his escape.

"I require some air," he offered simply without turning around. Inuyasha shrugged, and returned his undivided attention to his favorite storyteller.

---

"Man, nice kitchen." Sango looked around the room in awe as Kagome checked on her roasting meat. Pleased with its progress, she assembled her vegetables onto the counter and started sifting through the spice rack.

"I know. It's the biggest one I've seen in this time. That's why when the General showed it to me, I begged him to let me use it." Once confident she had all the herbs she needed, Kagome gathered them in her arms and brought them to her little work area. "He really wanted his staff to cook for us, but they had so much great stuff! I don't know when I'll ever get the chance to do this again."

She absolutely could never prepare a feast like this back at the village. She wanted to take the chance to do something nice for her friends.

"And he said you can use whatever you want?" Sango asked.

"Yep! I already have the meat going. Now I just need to make the sauce and cook the veggies, and I'll pretty much be done."

Admiring the large selection of cutting knives, Kagome pulled one from its place and carefully tested the sharpness with her thumb.

"What can I do to help?" Sango asked, impressed with her friend's organization skills.

Kagome looked around, and just gave a simple shrug.

"I actually have it all pretty well in hand. If you wanted to go spend some time with Inuyasha before he leaves tomorrow, I totally understand."

Sango's eyes flew wide at Kagome's breezy suggestion. She knew the woman was not completely comfortable with her relationship yet. And she didn't want to leave her all the work while she was out playing around.

"Are you sure? Because I really don't mind helping."

"No! Go!" Kagome demanded, waving her off with her free hand. She turned back around to slice her first veggie, and smiled to herself at the slayer's shocked reaction. "You can help next time. You guys better enjoy yourselves while you have the chance."

And she meant what she said. She knew they weren't going to have a ton of time together on this mission. Tonight was a blessing, and would not be a regular occurrence. The couple should get to take advantage.

Hugging her suddenly - and unexpectedly - from behind, Sango pressed her cheek to Kagome's back and earned a sharp laugh from the woman holding the knife. She thanked her heartily, and continued to squeeze until both of them were lost in a fit of giggles.

"Am I interrupting?"

The velvet-smooth voice of the unexpected intruder startled the women out of their joyous little moment. They both turned their heads, and then smiled sheepishly at being caught in such a position. Sango smiled wider and released Kagome, before brushing off her front and trying to regain her composure.

Kagome turned her attention back to the vegetable in her hand, and resumed slicing.

"Nope, I was just about to work on the meal. Did you need something?"

Sesshoumaru approached slowly, letting himself into the room and looking about with mild interest. He was clearly not in a rush.

"A distraction. The monk insists on reliving his least redeeming moments before a small audience, as if I care about his childish exploits."

The two women turned to each other and shared a knowing smile.

"Uh-oh. Sounds like Miroku's back to hosting late night story time. We've already heard most of those, I think. He's probably excited to have a new listener." Sesshoumaru continued to scan around while Sango filled him in.

"I'm sure there are some for the men's ears only," Kagome added.

"I shudder to think what they could be. After what he's told us, what could he possibly be holding back?" Kagome scoffed in agreement and turned her attention back from Sango to her vegetables.

"If so, you are not missing much," Sesshoumaru informed them. "I suspect most of what the man regales is fiction anyhow. Gross embellishment at best." He'd finally approached Kagome's side, and watched on as she continued to slice what was in front of her. She threw him a quick smirk without pausing her chore.

"Yeah, we got that feeling too. But he means well. He's just trying to lighten the mood."

He was so close they were nearly touching. His human form still towered over Kagome's much smaller one, and he watched in a daze as she made her repetitive movements. He'd never seen her wield such a weapon, but it appeared she knew what she was doing with it. Her motions were hypnotizing.

"What's going on in here?" Inuyasha barged in, and his outburst nearly caused her to cut herself. She was about to scold him, but Sango raced across the room and threw her arms around his neck.

"Hey, I was just going to come find you!" She gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Kagome gave me the night off, so if you're all done with story time, let's take another tour of the property or something."

His eyes lit up at the chance for another date, and his mind started reeling with places they could stow away.

"Sounds great! Thanks, Kagome." She began to pull him away by the lapel, but he stopped short and spun back around before they were out the door.

"Come on, Sesshoumaru, get outta here. We don't bother the girls when they are cooking."

Before he could respond, Kagome threw her head over her shoulder and cut him off knowingly at the pass.

"It's no bother, he can stay." He looked down to see the young woman smirking at him. "You wanna help me chop vegetables? I'll wager you are pretty good with a knife."

With a shrug, Inuyasha took Sango by the hand and led her quickly out the kitchen. If Kagome wanted to let him hang around, it was her funeral.

"I am excellent with any blade." Stepping aside, Kagome offered him the large knife and indicated he take her place.

"Alright then, show me what you got." Their fingers brushed less than subtly as he grabbed it from her, and with an impressive flick of his wrist, the knife made a complete clockwise rotation before becoming secured within his confident grip.

He always looked happier when he was holding something sharp, and though the muscles in his face hadn't budged an inch, something in those violet irises told her he was feeling right at home.

She leaned casually against the counter, watching as he mimicked her previous movements; slicing the vegetable the exact same size and shape as she had been doing. Much faster though, she conceded.

She watched as he blew through the first couple, and noted how his hands seemed to move perfectly in time with one another; fluid and seamless. Not a motion was wasted as he spent his effort efficiently.

"That's very nice work. If I didn't know any better, I'd swear you have done this before."

She grabbed another knife and stood beside him, trying to catch up to his quickly mounting pile of sliced produce.

He didn't look up; simply continued on with his chore.

"The task is simple and unimpressive. Nothing worthy of praise."

She'd immediately given up trying to race him. The last thing she needed was to slice her finger open competing with a total show off. She was just doing her best to make properly sized morsels, and trying not to bump elbows.

"That may be, but it is still useful. And helpful." He didn't respond. The rhythmic sound of chopping filled the quiet space, and soon seemed in sync with the pattern that they played.

Another comfortable silence passed between the two. After a few more servings were chopped, Kagome started dicing peppers for the sauce.

Every time she snuck a look, she found him completely engrossed in his work. It appeared that everything he did was taken very seriously, no matter how miniscule.

But it seemed to fit. He probably never had fun... Of a non-lethal variety.

"Did you know that ants can lift one thousand times their body weight when they work as a team?"

She'd finally earned his attention; though his eyes only shifted her way for a second. Then he was back on task; his wrist never wavered.

"Fascinating. Does your knowledge know no bounds?"

He glanced her way again to find her smirking at her busy hands. Chopping sounds filled the void for another couple of beats.

"I know that us mortals are nothing impressive to you, but our power multiplies substantially when everyone does their part." She ventured another peek, only to find him still working away as if he hadn't heard her.

"You may not think that what you can do is important, but when you take the load off someone else, it frees them up to accomplish greater things. Kind of like how Jaken takes out the lower-level nuisance demons for you, so you can focus on the bigger threats."

Of all the difficulties she had seen him encounter during his time as a human, one of the most glaring was his perceived uselessness. He could no longer do most of the incredible things that had set him apart from others. The things he thought defined him.

But he wasn't as helpless as he thought. He just didn't see how valuable he could be without his youki and his strength and his power. She wanted him to know that he had so much more to offer.

"Do not imply that that imp is in any way useful. I require the aid of no one."

She finished her current vegetable and reached for another, using the lull to sneak yet another glance at Sesshoumaru as he worked. He was still very focused on his task. Eyes hard and jaw set, he seemed to appreciate the simple busywork as if it were a therapeutic distraction.

He had a lot to agonize over lately, and way too much time to do it. Maybe she should try a little harder to make sure the Lord of the West was keeping occupied. Because you know, idle hands...

She looked down at them, and they seemed to work robotically on his assignment. He had the precision of a machine, but somehow still the flare of an artist. Though she had the feeling making dinner was probably not something he had done often. Or even at all.

If he was aware of her scrutiny, he wasn't letting on.

"Perhaps that used to be true. But not anymore." She smiled gently as she went back to her own slicing. "When you help out like this, everyone benefits. We get our meals faster. We are less tired at the end of the day. We are more well rested. We can focus on the important things, like finding Rin. Our power as a group is what makes us formidable."

He didn't react to a thing she had said, and she figured he wasn't going to. She thought he might at least offer some quip about how inconsequential it all was, or how weak they were for needing help. But even the mention of Rin didn't interrupt his flawless cutting in the slightest.

Giving up on conversation, she decided to allow him to work in peace.

Another comfortable silence passed between them, but it was considerably shorter this time.

She'd noticed several times when his pupils cut to hers, seemingly eager for some sort of reaction. Gaining none, at least not of a verbal nature, it was finally he who was compelled to break the spell.

"This One thought you did not appreciate being compared to insects."

When she turned to glimpse him this time, she found his nearest eyebrow cocked in condemnation.

She couldn't contain her smirk. He was testing the waters. He expected her to be mad, or at least considered the possibility. But she wasn't.

She hadn't really even been before at his thoughtless comment. Even though he held tightly to his beliefs, she knew that she was not included in his generalizations. And that shouldn't make it okay, but it made it better somehow.

To him, she was an outlier. She was special. It felt good.

"Well, not the way you did it. I said it much nicer."

She was no longer looking at him, but she could feel his gaze upon her. The heat of his stare burned her skin, and made every hair stand at attention.

"An ant is still an ant, no matter how rosy you wish to tint it."

He was not watching his hands now. His chopping had slowed, and she felt the burn on her neck where he scorched the terrain with his scrutiny.

Pretending she couldn't feel it, she lifted her chin just enough to portray her confidence.

"Well, as long as you're an ant, you may as well be the best ant you can be."

"If This One were an ant, he would their king."

She laughed, and turned to him just in time to see how his chin lifted as well. Slightly higher than her own had been.

The pile of unchopped vegetables was dwindling, and the rhythmic sound of dueling kitchens knives began to slow their pace. She grabbed another.

"Another fun fact about ants, they all defer to the queen. Queen ant is the most powerful in the colony."

"Is that so?" he asked, amusement lacing his tone. This time he actually paused long enough to physically turn her way. She responded in kind, and enjoyed how he cocked his eyebrow at her yet again.

"Yep. Same goes for bees."

She started chopping again first, and he slowly followed suit as he seemed to consider the new information.

"Then the analogy in insufficient. You must find an insect race which acknowledges their lord."

His new decree sent her mind reeling, but her insect knowledge was sadly not as vast as advertised.

"You could be lord of the flies." She smiled to herself, but this time, when she peered over to him, he was engrossed in his work once again.

"I know the lord of the flies. He is a distant relative of Myoga."

She actually had to stop to process that completely. She had no idea if he was messing with her, and he was giving nothing away. In the end, she decided to take Miroku's advice and just ask him.

She turned to face him with a look of pure confoundment.

"Was that a joke?"

He never faltered at her accusation, and leveled his steady gaze deep into her own.

"Have you ever known This Sesshoumaru to jest, Kagome?"

Oh, her name from his lips should not be affecting her that way. Having that reaction was too fine a reward for something so trivial. He should be respectful enough to deign to call her by her name every time. Not do it so sparingly that it felt like a special treat.

Still, she felt like she'd earned something.

"Not in a way that is actually funny. You have an..." she looked him up and down, wanting to irk, but not offend, "off-beat sense of humor."

She'd managed to swallow her elation. Of course, his demeanor gave nothing away.

"Perhaps you simply are not intelligent enough to interpret the comedy," he ventured.

"Oh, I interpret. I just don't think it's that funny to go around kicking Jaken, or throwing soldiers into boats. Our senses of humor are completely incompatible."

He finally finished his last vegetable just as she began hers. Wiping his knife clean and placing it aside, he turned to lean his hip against the surface and crossed his arms.

"Not completely."

"What do you mean?" she asked, and tried not to falter when he bent low, and put his face within inches of hers.

"Sit." She faltered.

But at least she didn't cut herself. She twisted to scowl, but the sight of his blunt teeth exposed in a dashing smile took all the wind out of her admonishing sails.

'I miss his fangs,' she thought errantly, and quickly resumed her duty.

"See? That may be funny to you. But I only do that when it is necessary, or to prove a point. Never for a laugh."

He leaned closer. Absence of chore left him free to do so while she continued to work.

"Never?"

She was making a concerted effort just to keep her composure. She felt hot again as his eyes burned holes in her face, and shoulder, and even further down her body. Damn, she knew she'd hesitated too long.

"Well..."

"Hn." That seemed to be enough proof to please him.

Finally, the chopping was finished. She took extra time to organize everything into proper piles, and wiped the edges of her knife clean before placing it down next to its brother.

He straightened back to full height, but continued to watch on as she seemed to fuss nervously around her small work station. She didn't know what he was waiting for. But then, she didn't know why she was stalling. She finally forced herself to meet his eyes.

"Alright. Well, thanks for the help. I think we have enough. You've done your part for the day."

She flashed a thankful grin and turned from him, and began separating the results of their labor into separate bowls.

"I wish to stay. I will observe."

"Why?" She spun around; a tad more defensive than she had intended.

Mr. I Don't Eat Human Food wants to learn to cook it? Why the sudden interest?

"It would be beneficial to learn to prepare human meals." She still seemed somewhat suspicious, so he clarified. "For when Rin returns. If it is not an imposition."

Kagome's apprehensiveness melted away to nothing.

It was an incredibly sweet notion. She smiled softly at him.

"Of course. She'd like that."

She felt for him in that moment. He was probably having a rough time with all this, but not knowing where Rin was had to be the hardest part for him.

She tried her best to get him to open up to her, but he still wasn't comfortable talking about his feelings. He had to be having some, despite what he wanted everyone to believe.

With time, she hoped he would come to her. But until then, she would help where she could, and allow him to process at his own pace.

She let him observe as she continued to work. She tried to think of how to instruct him further, but it all seemed so self-explanatory. Especially to someone like him.

"You know, any time you want me to show you this stuff, all you have to do is ask. Anything for Rin."

She threw that on at the end because she wasn't entirely certain he was ready to ask for help on his own yet. If it was for Rin, he seemed willing to accept the human aid.

"The offer is appreciated. I shall take you up on it."

Kagome smiled. She seemed to have the crux of it.

All the pots were ready, so she turned to him with a smile.

"Good. Now, what would the Lord of the Ants like to do: cook the vegetables, or make the sauce?"

She held his gaze impressively. As he stared back into her blue depths, he seemed to be seriously considering her question. But when the smallest of smirks lifted the edge of his mouth, and he bowed his head forward almost imperceptibly, she wondered what he had really been contemplating.

"I shall defer to the queen."

And then, she did her best to behave like a normal person. At least, not a crazy person.

The sauce was more complicated, so she gave him simple instructions as to which vegetables went where. With him off and running, she gathered the ingredients for her favorite sauce recipe and hoped she wasn't forgetting anything.

She mixed everything together one large bowl. The color of the sauce looked just like it was supposed to, and that was a good sign. It meant she had gotten it right. When she stopped hearing noise on his end, she ventured a glance to confirm that he was finished, and everything was going according to plan.

He simply stood there, watching her stir up her ingredients while the veggies they chopped together cooked.

"This is fun. You're actually a pretty good kitchen buddy."

His silence was expected, and she took the opportunity to dip the tip of her finger into her creation and test out the results.

It was good, she'd decided. But something was missing.

She focused her palate onto the flavors bursting across her taste buds. What did she forget?

She went in for a second dip, and this time she made sure to savor it while she wracked her brain trying to discern the difference.

She thought hard, crossing her eyes in a daze as she tried to concentrate on what it used to taste like.

She had it!

Rushing over to the spices, the shuffled through the jars until finally, she found what she was looking for. She held it up triumphantly, and with an evil grin, and zipped back over to her bowl and dumped a generous amount of the herb inside.

A few hearty stirs had it all mixed together, and she stuck her index finger back in the bowl for a third time.

She lifted her sauce covered digit to her lips, but before it completed its journey, a hand snatched out and grabbed her tightly by the wrist.

She didn't know when he had gotten so close. She never even heard him move. But a startled gasp escaped her at the unexpected contact.

She looked down at where he grasped on; her hand suspended helplessly between them, finger still protruding out with a decent amount of fresh sauce decorating the tip.

She drew her stunned gaze away from there, slowly panning up to the face of the man who stopped her progress; intent on getting answers with her questioning glare.

But when her eyes finally found their way to his, what she saw there startled her anew. She repressed a second sharp intake of breath at the ravenous look in those deep violet pools.

He looked hungry. He looked starving. And his gaze was so intense, it seemed to hold them both hostage.

This was as feral as she had seen him since becoming human, and she worried for a second that he might be transforming. But he didn't. He just kept looking back at her with that haunting, paralyzing stare.

She started to worry she'd done something wrong. Was he angry? What could she have- Oh no!

She double dipped!

Maybe the Lord of the West has strict rules against getting human spit in his food. It was a habit she'd picked up over the years because no one in this time seemed to notice or care.

But hey, if he was so picky, he already sampled her saliva right from the source, and he wasn't complaining then.

She said nothing. Moved nothing. Because she was not certain what it was he wanted. Every instinct in her told her to remain silent and still, so she did.

So much for fight or flight. Suppose that instinct doesn't kick in when facing off against former demon lords who look like they haven't eaten in decades.

Was that it? When was the last time he'd eaten? Maybe his blood sugar was running low.

The sauce was very good. And she noticed how his attention flicked down to the viscous material that was beading at the tip of her finger, and threatening to drip down to the floor at their feet. Maybe one of the ingredients was having an effect on him.

He seemed to be imploring silently for permission. And scared stiff as she was, she was not able to give it. But she didn't refuse him either, and that was enough for him.

After all, what do they say about permission and forgiveness?

He never broke her gaze. She was pretty sure he still hadn't blinked yet. His grip on her wrist tightened, but he did not pull.

Instead, he dipped his head low, almost an act of deference.

Realization dawned somewhere in her foggy mind, but she could not react. Before his lips reached her body, he continued to lock eyes for a long, meaningful beat. Then, her digit was slipping past his lips.

This time, her gasp reached his ears. But he was not dissuaded.

And she did not pull away, though with his firm grip on her dainty wrist, it likely would have been a fruitless endeavor. She relaxed in his grasp, and continued to simply hold his stare.

Her eyes were wide and curious and scared. But his were needy and unrepentant and sure. He seemed resigned to his task, and she could only stand there and gawk as she allowed him to suckle on her skin suggestively.

At first, he simply licked her clean; removing any remnant of flavor from the tip of her finger. His tongue was so warm and wet, and caressed her in a way she had not expected.

His tongue was strong. It had purpose. She remembered getting acquainted with it the other night after he'd fought those soldiers. Before he transformed.

He'd subdued her with it. Was that what he was doing now? Did he have that power? She had to admit she was feeling pretty helpless. Morbid shock had rendered her completely immobile.

The sauce was removed quickly, and he still held her eyes. She refused to tear those sapphire orbs away as well. If he was testing her, she refused to back down.

She thought it was a game. Some weird sort of challenge. But when he finally closed his own piercing depths, she no longer knew what to think. So she just didn't.

His lids slid shut, and with his lips wrapped tightly around her protruding digit, he proceeded to take her entire finger into his mouth.

That tongue was a flurry of activity. Its strength and speed and maneuverability were all showcased, and she felt that warm, wet appendage slip past each knuckle and caress every part of her that it touched.

She couldn't help but think about that tongue being in other places. She was sure that was the point. The suggestive way it rolled around the small part of her body it possessed was obviously supposed to be advertising its capabilities, and she could not say she was not imagining how it could be put to use.

His tongue was still working her, eyes still closed as he seemed to savor the taste of her in his mouth. And she just let him, just stood there while he got his fill, and made her burn between her thighs with what he implied he could- he would- do for her.

And just like that, he withdrew.

Suddenly, the finger he had been catering to was exposed to the elements, and the cold rushed in to magnify the loss.

She held it up, gaped at it, trying to make sense with her mouth slightly ajar and that mild astonishment still in her eyes.

He straightened. He refused to betray anything, but he was a mess.

The way she was looking down at the finger he had just molested quiet expertly with his talented mouth made him want to recoil in shame.

She was disgusted. And she should be.

He didn't know what came over him, but he recognized the bestial urge as it commandeered his form, and he welcomed it.

That was his demon side. That was a part of himself he had been denied for far too long. He was all too willing to let it consume him and roam free while it had the chance to surface.

But she was human.

The way she was looking in disbelief at her freshly dampened skin highlighted that fact.

She was frightened. And she should be.

He wore the skin of a man, but he was a youkai. It was still there, he felt it possess him just now. And even if he was stuck in this form forever, there were still parts of him that would always clamor to resurface. That's how strong he was.

But as much as he rejoiced the familiar feeling deep within him gnashing to be freed, he loathed that look in her eye. He did not want her frightened of him. He did not want her disgusted by him.

Even though she absolutely should be.

"H-how is the sauce?"

He hid his surprise. Still refused to break her stare. If she could maintain, he certainly could.

"Exquisite."

Her gaze flicked nervously over to the bowl beside them.

"Can I have some?"

His eyes flew wide. He knew she saw it. But he only burned them into hers long enough to assure himself of her certainty. Once obtained, he quickly leaned over. He took his index finger, and dipped it into the sauce she'd so thoughtfully prepared. Only he made sure the entirety of the digit was dripping with the substance.

Then, with more care than urgency, he lifted it to her lips. The moment they parted, he breached her entrance and slid himself insistently inside her waiting mouth. He was eager to watch himself disappear inside of her. She closed her eyes blissfully while wrapping her pink lips firmly around him and letting him invade her orifice. His eyelids threatened to fall as well. He easily could have given over to the sense of touch and let her lips and her tongue become everything in that brief moment.

But he couldn't tear away. He had to watch her close her eyes in pleasure as she tasted what he gave her. Enthusiastically, she made sure to clean all she could off him. He felt the heat of her mouth. The texture. The willingness to please. As if the sight of her wasn't enough, the thinly veiled tease of her capabilities had him marveling in awe, and absolutely burning in need.

He just watched her. He couldn't move. He couldn't speak. He was good for little else than simply enjoying the moment, and letting her match his moves. Allowing her to repay him in kind.

She finally pulled back. He made no move to escape her while her lips retreated, and slid tightly over his tip before leaving him cold and exposed.

He was beyond thrilled. He was certain he had put her off with his beast-like tendencies. But still, even now, she was up to the challenge. She refused to yield to him. He was pleased.

"You're right." She paused, licking her lips sensually. "It's exquisite."

She made quite a sight. Frightened, yet not. Uncertain, yet not. Satisfied, yet not.

She straddled that line between desire and defiance that drove him absolutely insane. If only she would pick a lane, he could sleep at night. But she waffled, warring with herself as well as he until they were so tangled up neither knew which way was out.

They both thought they knew, but they were wrong. At least they had that in common.

And there was something humbling, and exciting, and even spiritual about jumping into the lake with someone else who hadn't the faintest idea how to swim.

He finally focused enough to take her in... all of her. And he couldn't help but smirk.

The way he'd less than subtly penetrated her mouth with his finger had caused some of the sauce she'd so painstakingly constructed to accumulate in the corner of her oblivious grin.

She was used to his mockery by now. At least she had finally learned how to confront him outright, as opposed to disappearing within herself to search for an answer. That was his job.

"Have I got some on my face?"

His smile widened. She was always self-conscious under his attention. Now she displayed it full force, and though she was technically correct, it was not the source of his scrutiny. She attempted fruitlessly to use her own tongue to try and tidy herself. He'd seen enough.

Stepping forward, he grabbed her jaw in his hand, and sharply forced her face to the side. He leaned in, and languidly lapped up the mess he'd helped create at the corner of her mouth with one long pass. She grabbed his arm in reflex, but made no attempts to resist as his hot tongue removed any traces of imperfection.

She went limp in his hold. But it only took the slightest turn of her head right in time with his for the wet muscle to slide seamlessly into her mouth as he slanted his own; covering and consuming in one fluid and effortless and thoughtless motion.

He pressed her against the counter's edge with his eager hips. Trapping her with his might, his hands flew to her waist as he explored her pliant mouth like it was the first time.

This kiss was nothing like the last.

Last time had been about dominance. About power.

This was not a forceful exchange.

Neither would dominate or submit. Command or retreat.

This was simply about surrender.

This kiss expressed the need, and want, and desire of the other.

And it showcased what there was to offer. To freely give.

Nobody was in control here, that was painfully clear.

Her hands rested against his broad chest, but did not push away as he leaned in closer. He gripped her hips more tightly when she moaned into his mouth, and invited his tongue to play with hers while they explored each other free of any worldly expectations.

His fingertips ascended her ribcage covetously. She tingled as he reached her underwire, and he paused a moment to inspect the foreign material.

"Oh my. Sorry to interrupt."

Sesshoumaru's growl was impressive for a human, but it still sounded comical to her. Despite being earnest, it was a poor imitation.

Miroku had broken their kiss, but neither was willing to remove themselves from the embrace. Their hips were still pressed tightly against one another. And their hands remained as they were, unwilling to relinquish their progress.

"Leave."

With faces close enough to be touching, the intruder barely registered as they disappeared in each other's eyes.

Miroku watched them appear to lose themselves, drawing near by way of some magnetic force of which he was not privy.

They looked about ten seconds away from jumping on top of each other. And the last thing he wanted to do was stand in the way of physical pleasure.

But he shook himself free of the captivating sight, and hated himself for what he had to do.

"Of course. It's just that Sango's back with your brother, and he's starting to get cranky for his dinner. If you are too much longer, I expect he will come looking for it. Just thought I'd let you know."

And then he zipped out as fast as he could. His job was done, it was up to them whether or not they wanted to listen.

But the mood was ruined. The fog had lifted. The world came crashing down as coherent thought returned to them.

At her gentle coaxing, he reluctantly backed away. The sounds of pots boiling over with water told them the meal was ready, and Kagome went to remove the meat before it burned.

---

The meal was a hit. The food was delicious, and kept the others oblivious of the real excitement in the kitchen.

Miroku hadn't said a word of what he'd seen, and the couple had managed to cool down enough to present themselves at dinner without arousing suspicion.

They'd commutated silently, using heated gazes to relay intentions of keeping what had transpired between them. And Miroku.

But after the food was served and light conversation filled the dining hall, the intensity of the moment lessened dramatically. Soon, they had settled into the comfortable atmosphere and it was like the whole thing had never happened.

Except when they would make eye contact, a current would spark and flow between them, and they'd linger long enough to show that they did indeed remember, and they would have the other know it.

The sake was perhaps not helping matters. The table was already on their second bottle, and the slightly reddened faces of each group member was proof.

"Thanks for dinner, Kags," Inuyasha nearly slurred, and threw an arm around his woman's shoulders. "And thanks for giving Sango the night off. Since there's only two rooms the General could spare us, we won't see much of each other tonight."

Not that they hadn't seen plenty of each other throughout the day. Since their arrival, they'd managed to sneak away together for most of the evening. But the relationship was still new and exciting. Inuyasha leaned in to touch his nose her hers.

"Say, I have an idea," Miroku began, calmly and innocently. "Instead of splitting up the sexes like usual, why don't you and Sango take a room tonight. The three of us can share the other."

He kept his smile at Inuyasha friendly, and ignored the suspicious glance Kagome nervously shot his way.

"Nice try, houshi," Inuyasha immediately dismissed.

"Come on, it isn't often you will be able to stay the night with us. You must take advantage of this luxury."

Inuyasha frowned. It wasn't that he didn't like the sound of it, but he knew is friend was a con artist. And when it came to sharing a room with a girl, he knew enough to know the lecher could not be trusted.

Kagome might not be his woman, but she was his to protect. And there was no way he was going to lock her up with that pervert overnight.

"It ain't the luxury you're trying to take advantage of and we all know it."

Miroku placed a hand over his breast as if any suspicion was completely unjustified.

"You injure me, old friend. I would never try anything with Kagome-sama. Not while Sesshoumaru-sama was there."

He kept the mischief from his smile as he let his gaze slide to the woman in question. She looked concerned, but remained quiet. Sesshoumaru, of course, appeared to not even be listening.

"There's no way I'm lettin'-"

"No Inuyasha, it's okay."

Sesshoumaru joined the other men in turning to regard the miko. Her unexpected agreement was mildly surprising.

She blushed under the scrutiny, but that might have been the wine. Inuyasha worried that it might be affecting her judgment as well.

"It's a good idea. You guys should spend some time together. I can handle these two."

She wasn't worried about it. It wasn't like either would try anything sneaky with the other man in the room.

And Inuyasha was rarely going to be allowed to stay overnight with them. He deserved to spend time with his girlfriend.

Not really in a place to argue, and not incredibly inclined to do so, he easily acquiesced after ensuring Kagome really didn't mind. She assured him she didn't, and Miroku was obviously all for it.

Just to be sure she wasn't being presumptuous though, she turned shyly toward the other man whom these arrangements would affect.

"Is that okay with you, Sesshoumaru?"

As they shared another long, meaningful glance, the electric current sparked to life once again to rekindle some of the intensity that had dissipated since leaving the kitchen.

With a single, silent nod it was settled.

---

After thanking Kagome and threatening both of the men, Inuyasha left their room to go be with Sango next door.

It was a very nice room. Definitively large enough for the three of them. The lone futon that was raised on a platform was very spacious and comfortable. Kagome took a seat on the edge, and noted that they could all probably sleep in it without touching each other... not that she would agree to such an arrangement,

The floorspace was incredibly spacious, and Inuyasha had set them up with two extra bedrolls, placed strategically on opposite sides of the room.

After what happened with Sesshoumaru in the kitchen, she had to admit she felt a little anxious about sharing a bedroom with him. She went back and forth between being grateful for Miroku's presence, and disappointed by it.

But all in all, it was a good thing he was there. Things were happening so fast; it was almost like she couldn't trust herself to behave around the former demon. Come to think of it, all the sake definitely hadn't been a good idea.

Oh, well. For once, having Miroku around would ensure there was no funny business. As long as he was there, she would be alright.

"Alright, I'm outta here." The monk grabbed his staff and made for the door.

"What? Where are you going?" Kagome's eyes widened in panic as Miroku apparently prepared to leave.

Sesshoumaru remained in his spot on the floor, his arm draped over a single bent knee and looking for all intents and purposes like he was ignoring the other people in the room. The t-shirt Kagome had lent him was just a tad on the small side, and in stark contrast to the baggy hakama pants he continued to wear.

"While the two of you were busy in the kitchen," she blushed as his suggestive inflection, "I made the acquaintance of the housecleaning staff. One lovely young maid in particular was incredibly charmed with me, and invited me to her room for dessert."

He already had a date? Man, this guy worked fast.

"I anticipate a wonderful evening, but you have my word regardless that I shall not return to this room until morning. So just make sure you are decent by then... that is, unless you want me to see."

She was beginning to regret telling him how she felt about Sesshoumaru. Not that the kiss he'd walked in on left it a huge mystery.

"But-"

"I'm sure the others are busy, so no use disturbing them."

He caught a glimpse of his reflection and made sure there was nothing in his teeth. He fiddled with his hair for a second, and once satisfied, he snapped his fingers, and reached down into his luggage.

"Oh, I almost forgot. I found a couple bottles of wine while I was poking around." And just like that, he produced the two bottles he had apparently nicked from their gracious host. Studying them both for a moment, he gave up trying and walked over to where Sesshoumaru still sat on the floor.

"You're a cultured guy, which one of these is better?"

With a lazy glance at each of them, he pointed to the bottle on the right.

"That."

As soon as he gestured, Miroku held it out to him.

"Then I shall leave it with you. I will drink anything, though they both look very fine."

Kagome was surprised when Sesshoumaru actually reached out to accept his stolen gift. But from where she still sat on the bed, she focused her ire at the original thief.

"Which is exactly why you shouldn't have taken them. We're guests here," she chided.

Not to mention, they'd already helped themselves to more than enough. The General gave them the wine they drank at dinner. If they had too much more, Kagome feared it would not be a pleasant day of searching tomorrow.

Miroku just threw on his most charming grin, and stretched his hands out widely at his sides.

"The General told us to make ourselves at home! Besides, he is obviously well off. He won't even miss them."

Sesshoumaru stood, but Kagome just helplessly remained put.

She got the feeling Miroku thought he was helping, though who was up for debate. He was always a big advocate for sexual activity, and after Sesshoumaru had slid those two women his way the other night, she wondered if this wasn't a little bro payback.

She highly doubted Sesshoumaru had anything to do with this.

"Have a good time, kids." He was halfway out the door when he paused contemplatively. "I guess you two can fight over who gets the bed."

And with a wink, he was gone.

And then it was just the two of them.

"What are you doing?"

Sesshoumaru had located a couple of glasses in the room. She tensed as he approached the nightstand to her left and deposited them.

"He's right. The wine will not be missed. And this is a good batch."

He'd gotten the bottle open with little difficulty, and dutifully poured a serving for each of them.

She really shouldn't. She'd had enough, and this was setting up to end disastrously. But knowing all this, she still reached forward and accepted the glass he held out for her.

He lifted his own, and when he took a seat beside her on the bed, she forgot how to breath.

She was obviously tense as she kept her eyes forward, and felt the addition of his weight as the futon shifted to accommodate him. She sipped her wine, and her brain failed to function while she simply waited for him to say – or do – anything.

She didn't know what he expected of her. She didn't even know what she expected. What are you supposed to do when suddenly left alone in a room with a man you'd just been making out with... and had been interrupted?

As the minutes rolled on and he neither said nor did anything accept drink his wine, she slowly began to relax. The wine might have helped with that as well, for before she knew it, he was refilling her glass and helping himself to another.

The continued silence was anything but comfortable, but that was because the voices in her head were being especially loud.

She was thinking about everything the two of them had been through together in just the last couple of days, and one particular incident wouldn't stop niggling at her.

He seemed to be waiting for her to speak first. Or maybe he was just being as silent as he always was. Either way, the alcohol gave her the courage to finally breach the topic.

"I wanted to ask you about that kiss."

"Which one?" She blushed when he lifted his brow, and smiled as he brought the glass up to his lips.

"The first one. Why did you do it? And please be honest with me."

Now it was his turn to smile. The way it reached his eyes made everything in her chest feel weightless.

The way he paused for a moment, like he seemed to be fighting with himself, almost made him look guilty. Like he was about to confess to something, and he wasn't sure he should.

But she knew he wouldn't lie to her when asked outright. The worst he would do was not tell her.

"Initially, to have you submit," he finally admitted, never dropping her gaze as he swirled his drink in his hand. "You challenged me. And when a female challenges a male, or puts his manhood into question, a kiss is the..." he searched for the right word, "kindest way to prove your dominance."

"So you did it to be kind?" she asked, almost as if she didn't believe him.

He held his glass suspended in front of his lips again.

"I am not certain you would have appreciated the other methods."

She willed away her embarrassment and attempted to pull off a smirk. But as he continued to stare at her while taking another drink, she finally gave in and averted her gaze.

He watched her try to avoid him by studying the glass she held in both hands. He wondered what she was thinking as she reached up to tuck a lock of fallen hair back behind her ear.

Was she recalling the moment he had her pinned beneath him? That certainly hadn't gone as planned. Not that much planning was involved in the first place.

What had been going through her mind back then? Because just like him, he was sure her own motivations had altered drastically in mere seconds.

In the art of full disclosure, and to more completely answer her question... and because he'd had entirely too much wine tonight, he continued to indulge her.

"The other reason is that you are irresistible when you are angry."

"What?" Perhaps his timing needed some work, as she nearly choked on the sip of wine she was taking.

His countenance became excited, as if giddy to inform her about herself.

"You get a wild spark in your eyes," he began, the memory causing his lips to quirk up a little further. "Your voice becomes bold and confident." But then, just like that, that pleased look on his face was gone. She was confused as he seemed to be regarding her now with a guarded kind of condemnation. "And it is the only time you are completely honest with me."

She was indignant and confused as he drained the last of his glass, and placed it on the floor near his feet.

"What are you talking about? I'm always honest."

He scooted closer to her, and paralyzed her with that intense, calculating, always considering gaze of his. As the moment dragged on, she couldn't help but yearn to know what he was thinking.

"In that case, perhaps you could entertain a question of mine."

He pressed forward, crashing his lips into hers and taking her by surprise.

Well, she wasn't that surprised. She had been expecting something like this, but she still wasn't prepared for his boldness. She froze in place, allowing him to thaw her nerves with those warm lips she had tasted not two hours ago.

She would remain shocked still until he reached up to grab the half full glass of wine in her hand. It was a smart move on his part, as her grip was suddenly precarious at best. She released it, and began moving her lips with his as he bent forward to place it on the nightstand behind her.

The action had her leaning back, and now that her hands were empty, she took advantage by using them to rub the plane of his firm upper chest.

By the time his tongue found hers, she was laying comfortably on her back while he leaned over her imposingly. His hand was on her bare thigh, dragging its way greedily up the leg she still had dangling over the edge of the futon. And just before he breached beneath the hem of her skirt, she slid her hands behind his neck, and ran her fingers through his new short hair.

The feeling of her nails scratching against his scalp made him groan appreciatively into her mouth. He rewarded the attention by sliding his hand up her ass, and squeezing the flesh beneath her panties firmly.

She half moaned, half squeaked at the unexpected rough treatment. It made her push herself into him, smashing their chests together as she instinctively tried to pull him in closer.

He got up on one knee, still kissing her deeply as she clung to him while he moved his hand to hold her jaw possessively in his grip.

He felt like he could just sink into her. If he let himself relax, he could let her absorb him and he could disappear forever. She was so soft, so welcoming, so receptive to his attentions. He couldn't tell if it was his humanity or simply her that made forgetting everything else in the world not only possible, but preferable.

And that mouth of his. It had been causing her the most pleasurable torment with alarming regularity. When it wasn't on her, like it was now, it was all she could think about. And when it was...it only made her yearn for more of him. More of this hard body pressing insistently into her soft one. Much like he was doing now. It felt so good, and so right that she should probably be terrified. But her nerve endings had taken over and ordered her not to think.

Finally in need of air, he pulled away slightly. They were both panting heavily, eyes searching the other in hopes of uncovering intentions.

His weren't too hard to figure out. His heated stare perfectly showcased the determined predator that he was. But there was something contradictory burning within those violet depths. Something that implored her to not be afraid.

But her fear was quite apparent. Quite palpable, in her shining blue eyes. But of what, he wasn't certain. Because to his continued torment, this woman had never been afraid of him. Foolishly so. And though he would normally relish inspiring rightful fear in the young woman, he found the reaction was not one he desired.

But that wasn't all he saw there. She was afraid, but she was excited. Eager. She wanted to proceed. But something held her back. She was tentatively willing. He found that did not satisfy him.

"Sorry what was the question?" she asked once she caught her breath, in something like a husky whisper. Her hands were still clinging tightly to his shoulders, and he enjoyed the way her chest continued to rise and fall dramatically with each labored breath.

And he still held her jaw in his palm. His fingers traveled over her ear as he moved his face close to hers once again.

Her breath caught when their noses almost touched. She prepared for another kiss, but felt a pang of disappointment when he stopped his descent.

"Kagome, I am asking without words," he informed her in a deep, gravelly tone. "Now, pay attention."

When he took her lips again she moaned, as if in relief. Her hands were back in his hair, and she pulled him into her again like she did not appreciate the separation.

He startled her when he placed his other knee on the bed, and she gasped when he hooked his hand under her thigh, and pulled her all the way up to join him.

Now she was completely on the bed. On her back, with him kneeling between her legs. She felt very exposed in her little green skirt, but the position caused the flesh between her legs to become very sensitive. And warm.

He stole her eager lips again, and resumed stroking her leg as he relaxed some of his weight to settle on top of her. She decided it wasn't an unpleasant feeling.

He moved his lips to her ear, and she trembled when she felt his tongue travel lightly along the shell.

"Do you know what I am asking?" he whispered, before making a trail down the side of her throat.

Lips, and tongue, and teeth scorched a tingling path down to her collarbone. Along the way, drawing attention to nerve endings she was unaware she possessed, and setting them aflame.

It made it difficult to answer him, but eventually she managed.

"I - I think so," she whispered back, sighing with gratitude and incredulity as he kissed his way to the other side of her throat, and repeated the process there.

His mouth was so warm, and it felt so good.

'Mn. Especially right there. Kami...'

"And what is your answer?"

Thinking was hard. Especially with the things he was doing to her.

She didn't know what to do. She knew that she didn't want him to stop. But also knew what was going to happen if she let him continue.

Was she ready for that?

Physically she was. She was getting more ready by the second.

Mentally, she was ready too. She was at an age where she could handle the ramifications.

Emotionally was up for debate. That was where she would admit that she might not be prepared. But that's how you get prepared, right? With practice?

But when she felt his fingertips graze tender flesh through the thin cotton of her panties, she suddenly remembered why she couldn't do this.

"We can't."

He stopped toying with the skin at the base of her throat just long enough to reply. His eyes remained closed as he seemed to lose himself to his task.

"We can. Right now."

Now he was sucking at the juncture of her neck. He could feel the rapid beat of her pulse hammering against his tongue.

She was losing her will to fight as he seemed to have found a button on her shoulder that shot arousal to every feminine place on her body.

But when he went to graze her panties again, she reached forward and blocked his access with her hand.

This sobered him up a bit, and he withdrew. He fixed her with a puzzled expression.

"No. I mean, I want to."

That only furthered his confusion. She wanted this. He could tell that she did. Why would she withhold?

"Then what is stopping us?"

She scooted back in the bed just a little while she had the opportunity, and the presence of mind. He remained where he was, but pushed himself up on his palms.

Then, she confused him even further when a look of utter embarrassment dominated her flushed features.

She had nothing to be ashamed of. If anyone should be feeling inadequate at the moment, it was him.

His continued silence forced her to elaborate. He deserved a reason, so she was just going to have to admit it.

"It's just kind of a bad time... of the month for this."

He tilted his head to the side and she just wanted to die. Gods, she really hoped she didn't have to explain it to him. Demonesses have periods, right?

"You are fertile?"

"Well, that's actually another thing we have to deal with." Maybe she should make sure he still had those condoms. "But the point is, I'm bleeding. Like, a lot."

She felt her face heat up as he just kept staring at her with that bored expression.

"I don't care."

"What?"

"It will not prevent my enjoyment." He attempted to close the distance she'd created, but his advance only had her retreating again. But she was running out of room behind her, and he was still between her legs. Otherwise, she would have definitely closed them.

"Well, it will prevent mine! I don't want to do it when I'm... this way."

She was doing her best to avoid the stern look he was fixing her with.

"Miko-"

"No. It's going to be my first time, and I don't want to remember it as being a gross mess." Then, as an afterthought, she gestured to the futon. "Plus, this isn't even our bed. It would be rude."

He did not understand her reluctance. It was foolish, not to mention very inconvenient for him.

He tried to think of how to allay her fears, but it didn't appear the stubborn woman was willing to budge.

If she felt so strongly about it, he would be forced to appease her.

"Very well," he acquiesced, earning a relieved sigh from the young woman.

"Thank you."

"Then let me taste you." When she scooted back, she had put her womanhood conveniently close to his face. Relaxing his weight completely had his mouth hovering over the front of her skirt. He had yet to lift it, but a hand on each hip held her in place, and with a grin he looked up into her mortified features just waiting for the greenlight.

"What? No way! That's even worse! You'd really do that?"

He looked up into her still mortified features, nonchalant as always. You wouldn't know he had his head between a woman's thighs at the moment.

"What kind of male would deny his female pleasure for such a foolish reason?" he seemed to genuinely want to know. She had no answer to that. "Besides, have you ever known This One to shy away from bloodshed?"

Wow, he really wasn't squeamish. She supposed she shouldn't be surprised. But still...

"What if I died tomorrow? Then the only memory you would have of me down there would be that one." There. As long as everyone was pushing their 'live like there's no tomorrow' mantras, how about that one for ya?

"Much preferred to having none at all." She scooted back enough to sit up, and hugged her knees tightly to her chest.

"I'm just not comfortable. It is a little too much right now."

He released a sigh, and sat back on his knees in resignation.

"Alright," he relented, slightly exasperated, "as you wish." Relaxing again, she loosened the death grip around her legs.

"You may taste me instead."

"What?" In one quick motion, he spun around and laid on his back. Stretching out the length of the bed, he folded his arms behind his head. He accidently hit her in the leg with his elbow as she watched on incredulously.

"Your cycle should not prevent your ability to perform on me."

He continued to look up at the ceiling, but she thought she saw the corner of his mouth twitch just a little, and glared at him flatly.

"Now I know you're joking. There's no way you thought that was going to work."

His pupils slid over to her, and she finally smiled as she deemed is safe to stretch out on her back beside him.

"Well, it appears we know who cares more for the other's happiness."

"I think we just know who's more desperate to get laid," she retorted.

"To think, of the two of us, I am perceived as the cruel one."

He turned on his side so he could face her. She did the same. They slipped back into an easy silence as the previous excitement and tension dissipated. She smiled as he lifted his hand and began fiddling with her haphazard locks.

'Maybe he misses his hair.'

"You had me excited. For a moment there, I truly thought you would give me what I wanted. I am such a fool."

His crass statement killed the tranquil moment, and she became annoyed that he would blame her for putting things off.

"So sorry to disappoint you," she intoned sarcastically. "You're just going to have to be patient if you-"

"Not that. I meant that I was fool enough to think you were actually going to be honest with me. I should have known not to get my hopes up."

She crinkled her brow in confusion. Was he drunk? Was the wine making him loopy?

She got up on her elbow, and that stopped him from playing with her hair.

"What are you talking about?"

"It's an excuse." He rolled onto his back again, and folded one arm behind his head. The ceiling had won his interest once more.

"What?"

"Your cycle. I asked for an honest reason, and you give me excuses. You are lying again."

He really thought she was lying about it? What, did he want her to prove it to him? Was this some kind of sick game?

"I was being honest." She pushed herself up to sit again. She wasn't really certain where he was going with this, but accusing her of being a liar definitely signified that the make out session was over.

In a flash, he was sitting up too.

"That is a lie right there," he accused, startling her just a bit. "You forget, I used to have the ability to detect deceit by scent alone. Back then I had crossed your path on more than one occasion. You wreaked of dishonesty, but for when you were furious, and it left you. I can no longer scent it, but I am learning to pick up the other signs as I observe you."

She scrambled off the futon and stood, crossing her arms and glaring down as he shifted to sit at the edge of the bed once again.

"Well I've mostly only been furious when speaking to you, so who did you smell me lying to, huh?"

He shrugged, and looked off to the side.

"Mostly yourself, I'd imagine."

"What?!" she demanded incredulously, as he reached to the floor to retrieve his empty wine glass.

"You walk around with this air of 'everything is grand. Everyone is basically good, and everything is going to be alright.' You tell lies to yourself and everybody else to lessen the harsh blows of reality, or perhaps as a shield from pain." He placed the glass on the nightstand, and proceeded to top himself off again. "But pain is how you improve. It is through pain which you learn, and grow, and excel. If you want success in this life, you must drop that rosy tint though which you view it."

She was beginning to understand that alcohol made the Western Lord annoyingly chatty. She was wishing the old, stoic, quiet Sesshoumaru would come back right about now. No such luck.

"You do neither me, nor you, nor anybody else any favors by distorting reality to your liking. It is how you never saw it coming when Inuyasha finally admitted he chose your friend over you." His cold assessment floored her, nearly giving her whiplash from the dramatic change in his cadence. Where was this coming from?

"You told yourself he loved you, and he was just waiting for the right moment, and everything was going to be wonderful for you because you did not wish to believe anything else. I had been there a matter of days, and simply by observing him for five minutes, I knew he wanted her, and he did not want you, and that you had no idea."

She didn't understand why he was getting so angry. But he seemed hell-bent on tearing into her, and from her experience, there was very little she could do to prevent that.

Maybe that was what he wanted. Did he really think she would throw herself at him just to stop him from yelling at her? Was this some kind of foreplay for him? Because it was not working for her.

She just continued to glare as he took another sip, though he really didn't appear to need it.

"You think me cruel for the harsh manner I choose to speak. But is it not even crueler to give false hope where there truly is none?"

She couldn't make him stop, but she didn't have to look at him. Arms still crossed, she turned her back on him and tried to tune him out.

"If you think I like to see you walking about so delusional, trust that I do not. It is why I do my best to tell you what is true. To show you. I do not want you to endure the pain when you finally, finally learn of the way things really are. I would much rather you hate me now for my 'cruelty' than yourself later on, when you tear yourself apart for not seeing what has always been there."

But she couldn't ignore him. He would never let her. As what he was saying started to soak in, she dropped her arms slowly.

"But when you are angry, much like I see you becoming now, you finally drop the tint. You forget your foolish need to be polite and upbeat and kind, and you tell me what you really think. How you really feel. Whether or not what you have to tell me accurate, it is the best truth you know. It is without flowery distortion."

She slowly began to turn around. When she did, she could recognize the subtle differences in his features. The glaze in his eyes, and the flush in his cheeks, and the uncontrolled twitches in his facial muscles all spoke of the wine's effect on him.

But when she turned to fully face him again, just as hurt as she was angry, she noticed him begin to soften. A small humorless smile took some of the bite out of his language. And when he spoke again, it was slightly gentler than before.

"When I see you like that, it gives me hope. And I enjoy every second when you finally tell me what you think of me, and how you feel about me and what you perceive of my intentions. It is you finally granting me the respect I am due, not attempting to play me for a fool. I don't like it when you hide from me, Kagome. I want to see all of you."

There was something dark, and desirous, and threatening in the way he was looking at her. But to what end, she could not exactly say. And she refused to run from him, no matter how terrifying he attempted to be.

"What's wrong with being optimistic, huh?" She fought to keep the tears at bay, but she hadn't managed to keep the tremble out of her voice completely.

"You're right. The world can be a terrible place. And that's why you need people like me. Sometimes, just a little bit of faith will keep a person going. Sometimes, things can be just like you want them to be if you try hard enough."

His eyes turned hard again in a second.

"But not always."

"No," she agreed, shaking her head slowly. "Not always. But I've got to try." He frowned in reply, actually averting his eyes as he indulged in another long gulp from his glass.

She was trying to appeal to him, trying to plead by softening her own approach some. "I'm not lying to you when I'm being kind to you. I'm not disrespecting you when I try to inject some cheer to a hopeless situation. I never meant to patronize you. But if you think I'm lying to myself you are wrong. Because I really do believe things can be okay. I believe good outcomes are possible."

Suddenly, she thought she understood why he was so upset. He was frustrated, and taking it out on her.

She took a seat beside him, and noticed the tense muscles of his shoulders and the way he clenched his fist tightly into the sheets at his side.

He watched suspiciously as she gentled her approach, and turned to him. She placed a hand on his arm.

"I believe we will find Rin, and she will be just fine, and she can go back with you just like she was before. And I truly believe you will be yourself again one day. You will go back to being Sesshoumaru and everything will be how it was."

But her reassurances didn't have their desired effect. He sized her up with a dubious scowl.

"Is that so?"

Stroking his arm up and down in an attempt to be soothing, she nodded. He reached over and set his glass back down on the table.

"Tell me, Kagome. Why are you so apprehensive about laying with me?"

And then she stopped, and removed her hand from him. She was annoyed again.

"Is that what this is about?" He was mad about the sex? She couldn't believe it. Couldn't believe a strong, honorable guy like him would be such a pouty baby about getting rejected. And she didn't even reject him. Not yet at least. Right now, she was seriously considering it.

"Answer me," he demanded. "Honestly this time."

"I told you, my cycle-"

"Is an excuse, and a rather poor one. I asked for the reason, and I asked for your honesty. You claim to be truthful? Now is your chance. Tell me why."

She wanted to scream at him. What did he want her to say? Sesshoumaru usually had a method to his madness, so what was he getting at?

He wanted a reason. That was what he said. Apparently, hers wasn't good enough for him, so what was another reason?

"Because, I'm just not ready."

"Why?"

She clenched her fists, and tried to come up with an answer.

"Because, I want to get to know each other better first."

"Why?"

She used her tight fights to pound the bed angrily at her sides.

"Because I want to make sure you aren't the kind of guy who is just going to take what he wants from me and leave."

"Why would I not be?"

"What?!" Every time she thought he had made her as furious as she could get, he managed to surprise her and take her to another plane.

"If you truly believed that I would return to myself, and collect Rin, and go back to the way everything was, why would you expect me to remain?"

His question stopped her cold. He didn't bother waiting for a reply.

"Do you presume to come to the Western Lands as my lady?" he asked condescendingly. She responded with petulance.

"No."

"Would you like me to move to your village after the transformation?"

The thought seemed to worry her. Knowing he could tell, she tried to appear apologetic.

"No, I would assume not."

"Is that what you want?" she asked dubiously. He scoffed, as if offended.

"Of course not. If I am to be demon again, you and I cannot endure."

She couldn't help but feel rejected by his declaration. But she conceded it was something she hadn't even considered until now.

He was right. If - when – he became demon again, how were things supposed to work between them? She was a little ashamed that it had not crossed her mind. Well, it had. But she hadn't exactly given much thought to what she planned on doing about it.

This had been moving rather fast, to be fair. But how had she been considering a future with this man when she vowed to ensure he would not remain a man forever?

He noticed how distressed she had suddenly become, and gentled his tone; though he maintained his sternness.

"I can remain by your side for the duration of my humanity, but no longer."

And there it was. That was all he was willing to give her.

On brand as ever, he made no bones about his position. He was as brutally honest as she had come to expect. No flowery distortions; no sugar coating.

But how did she not see it? Maybe he was right about the rosy tint. She could see his disappointment in her for overlooking that important fact, and she felt rightly ashamed.

She had been ignoring a painful outcome to support her own desires, while at the same time ignoring his own, and the promises she had made him.

But there was another outcome that he seemed to be willfully ignoring. She couldn't look him in the eye as she softly gave voice to it.

"What if you don't become demon again?"

The fury in his aura was fleeting, and palpable. By the time she turned to regard him, he had straightened his back, and was looking down at her with his patented indignant superiority.

"I do not plan for failure. And I refuse to engage with a woman whose happiness is contingent on it."

It wasn't!

Was it?

The way he put it made her sound like a terrible person.

She didn't want him to fail. In fact, she had vowed to help return him to youkai at all costs. But then, what would that mean for them?

There was a chance that he might never change back. But he seemed unwilling to accept that outcome as a possibility, and offended that she would even consider it.

So then, what were they doing?

"I am not my brother. I will not wish myself human to appease a miko's heart."

He was right. If she meant what she said, she would do anything she could to help him become demon again. But if her intentions were earnest, she would be working towards a conclusion that would eventually spell the end of their relationship. After all, she couldn't expect him to hang around forever after he changed back. They might be compatible right now, but once he was youkai again, that might no longer be the case. He seemed not to think so. But could they?

Was it possible for them to continue seeing each other after he'd changed back? Would being a demon really change how he felt about her? Or was he just not willing to entertain the idea?

She couldn't exactly expect him to drop his whole life to live with her in a human village. So what was she willing to give up to make things work?

"Why couldn't I come back with you?"

He seemed startled by the question, and couldn't contain the mockery in his tone.

"Despite the risks to your safety and the possible destabilization of the West?" Her crestfallen demeanor had actually rendered him sympathetic.

She was so naïve. So young. So untainted by reality that he just wished he could gather her close, and protect her from the harsh winds that threatened to pervert her.

But he couldn't.

So the next best thing was to prepare her for what was in store. Being cruel was kindest, and there was no man crueler than he.

But it was a lie not to admit that tarnishing her pristine heart took a toll on his own. He wished he could lie to her, give her false hopes. But he vowed he never would, and he stood by his promises.

His ironic smile was haunting. In sharp contrast to the obvious pain, and barest hint of spite in his gaze.

"Because you won't want to come back. Not with the cold-hearted daiyoukai who killed your human lover."

His icy statement left her aghast, as well as the confidence behind it. She wanted to tell him he was wrong.

She wanted to tell him that she didn't care what race he was, that it was him she wanted to be with.

But for some reason, she couldn't.

No, she didn't care if he was demon. That wasn't important to her. But he was right.

She'd grown to have feelings for this human man sitting beside her. He was the one she was interested in.

Could she feel the same way when he turned back to himself? Would he even want her to?

"You're not him," she insisted, as much to herself as to him. "Not anymore. You are the real you. People change."

His sharp, humorless laugh had her jump in her seat.

"Some more than others, apparently. I could not be more different from my previous self." He looked himself over with unconcealed resentment, before turning the attention to her. "Perhaps that is why you enjoy This Sesshoumaru so much."

He wasn't wrong. Nothing about the way he was in the past held any sort of appeal to her. If he'd had any redeeming qualities back then, he'd done a fine job of hiding them. Though it was possible that perhaps she didn't know him well enough then to see them. But he wasn't like that anymore, and of that she was pleased.

"I like the way you are now." The flat look he gave her had her squirming just a little. He was far from perfect, after all. "Well, mostly. What is wrong with that?"

She was desperate to rationalize her attraction. To justify making it okay.

But he couldn't let her do that. He needed to make her see.

"If I were not human, I would not be here. Not with you."

And that was how it was. It was more than just the circumstances that had bought them together. The only reason they could work was also the only reason he was willing to allow it.

There were a hundred reasons why his demon self could not take a miko, she was free to take her pick. It wasn't like he wanted to hurt her. He certainly derived no pleasure from crushing the gentle woman's spirit. A fact that was amplified at the dejected look in her eyes and defeated slump of her shoulders.

He huffed, frustrated with himself and the whole situation, and took her cheek tenderly in his palm. He forced her to look at him as he removed any trace of anger or upset from his façade, and spoke to her gently, as if trying to protect her from any further pain by his hand. She looked back at him sadly, leaning into his touch, and trying to derive every bit of warmth he was offering.

"As I am, I care for your safety. I have respect for you. I am attracted to you." She was aware he was trying to mollify her after his harsh declarations. And though she believed him, it did little to console her. For she could hear what he wasn't saying. That it would all change when he was a demon again.

"What else do you want from me, miko? We may both indulge in a moment or two of pleasure, but it can be nothing beyond that."

He was being as honest as he could be with her. He wouldn't give her false hopes or promises, but rather lay it out just as it is.

Now the question was, could she accept that? Could she indulge in a relationship that wasn't a sure thing?

Perhaps she could. Perhaps she could involve herself in something that might not last forever. But only if he could involve himself as seriously as she could.

"So tell me, what are you waiting for? What do you want before we can proceed?"

He could not promise her tomorrow. But he did seem willing to promise her the duration of his humanity. That could be enough for now, but he had to be all in.

She steeled herself, and tapped into that honesty he so desperately craved.

"I want to be in love. And I want you to love me."

Really, that was all she wanted. It didn't matter if couldn't last. If she could know love, if only for a little while, she could deem the whole thing worth it.

His light scoff, however, was not promising.

He eased himself back down on the bed, one had bent behind his head as he seemed to like to do, and she couldn't help but feel like she had been dismissed.

"In that case, I'm afraid you are in for quite a wait."

And with that, she felt the last fibers snap, and her heart was officially in two. The actual pain in her chest was somehow sobering enough to keep her more chaotic emotions beneath the surface.

She looked down at him in disbelief, only to have him ignoring her again in favor of staring up at that fascinating spot on the ceiling he seemed to like so much.

"Are you saying you could never love me?" she asked, not much more than whispered.

"I am not certain I even know what love is." Ah yes, she remembered now. Their conversation on the bench that morning made no secret of his regard toward that emotion. No more than a silly nuisance, as far as he's concerned. At least he was consistent.

But to her, he seemed overly dismissive, almost resistant, even resentful of the idea.

She'd hoped that it could change for him. Was it foolish to hope to change him?

"I think you know it when you feel it," she tried. But she only earned a pitying look for her efforts.

"Then I am afraid that should tell you something."

Okay, ouch. But it wasn't like she expected him to be in love with her already or anything. She wasn't in love with him yet. She'd only just realized that she liked him.

But she didn't disregard that it was possible, down the road. It seemed like he already had.

"Do you feel anything for me?"

He smiled warmly at her, and that stupid, annoying hope fluttered again in her stomach.

"I do. And I have already detected what."

But she had learned her lesson. She would never let her hopes soar so high again. From now on, she vowed to keep her expectations reasonable. It hurt way too much to see them crash and burn.

"Okay, well... what would you call this?" she asked guardedly, and gestured between them with her hand.

Before she knew it, he was sitting up again. She hated how her pulse sped up when he put his face close to hers. And she hated how instead of pushing him away, she wanted to pull him closer, and make him sooth her with his mouth in a way his words just couldn't.

He used a single finger to retrace the path on her throat his lips had made mere moments ago, as if trying to reignite the fire he'd set and simply walked away.

He didn't exactly succeed, but she had to repress a shiver that sought to recall his trespass.

"Infatuation." He said it like it was a good thing. Like it was some wonderful, magical sin that they were lucky to behold. But she was not impressed. In fact, she felt a little insulted.

"That's it? You're just infatuated?" It sounded so superficial. Something inconsequential and petty.

A passing fancy, not to be taken seriously.

It was exactly what she was afraid of.

He withdrew, seeing her incredulous temper rising, and narrowed his eyes condemningly.

"Hn. And so are you, miko. Do not forget, only days ago you still had hearts in your eyes for my half breed brother. You thought that was love as well, but you were merely infatuated with him. And now, you are infatuated with me. At least, this human version of myself."

He spared a moment to give his current form another disgusted once over. When he looked up at her again, he saw her regarding him as well. She looked confused, like she did not see what he saw, and was trying at least to understand his displeasure, his discontent with his own body.

But she would never see what he saw. That was the point.

"Earlier in the gardens you told This One you preferred him in his human form, and you were being truthful. You have been able to mold me into something acceptable for yourself. You cut my hair to your liking and dressed me in your era's clothes."

He pulled at the shirt he was currently wearing to accent his point.

"This human who is here, whom you helped create, whom you wish to give your heart to, is not the real Sesshoumaru. The real Sesshoumaru will not acquiesce to your wishes. He is strong and powerful, and he will no longer be to your liking."

She continued to look on helplessly as he was stuck with the task of reminding her exactly with whom she was dealing. Perhaps he was reminding himself as well.

"The real Sesshoumaru was the one you met in Father's tomb. The vicious, bloodthirsty beast who attempted to melt you with his poison, and strike you with his sword."

He could see in her eyes as she seemed to recall those events. She truly had forgotten. That did not sit well with him.

"And when he has returned, he will be the bastard who killed your human lover, and took him from you forever. When I change back to myself, no matter what may transpire between us, all you will see is the demon you hate, who tried to take your life. And this me, will be gone."

He made a gesture with his hand as if something were disintegrating into thin air. Because really, that was how it would be.

The second he was demon again, this human he was masquerading around as would be cease to exist. Never to return, he would make certain of it. And he would do all he could to erase any reminders of this whole undignified debacle.

She must not grow terribly attached to the man who sat with her on this bed, for the demon lord would soon return to put him out of his misery. And demon lord Sesshoumaru had no affinity for humans.

It's not to say he would harm her. The vow he made would carry over to his demon form. But any feelings he may accumulate regarding her would not. This time he spent as human was all he was willing to give her.

"So what, we should just sleep together right now because we don't know how long you're going to be like this?"

He knew she was aggrieved at the notion, resentful of the situation. But at least she understood. And he hoped after giving it some thought, she would agree that it was for the best.

"Exactly," he confirmed with a smile. He scooped her hands into his. "We must live only in these moments, for tomorrow is uncertain."

The advice all her friends had given her over the past few day were racing through her brain.

It seemed to be a common theme: we all could go at any minute, so live like there's no tomorrow.

She thought he might be different. Surely, someone so powerful, who has lived so long would not subscribe to the idea that he could go at any moment. Every decision that he made; he would need to live with for a very long time. He had time to be strategic... time to plan ahead. At least he used to.

The humanity must have changed him. Made everything inconsequential.

But then what's the point of even trying? Why even hope for a future if there isn't one?

"If we don't know what's going to happen, why can't you live this moment like you could love me in the next?"

That seemed to catch him off guard. He didn't appear to have an easy answer ready for that one.

All she wanted was hope. Just the chance, the possibility that after getting to know her, he could grow to love her. But he didn't appear willing to give it. Perhaps he really wasn't able.

And if he wasn't, then maybe no one was. Maybe Miroku was right. Maybe there really only was one way to a man's heart.

"You know what, fine. I give up."

The perplexed look he'd been wearing turned to one of impotent shock when she grabbed the hem of her shirt and peeled it quickly over her head. She tossed it carelessly to the floor behind her as she got up onto her knees and without preamble, grabbed onto his waistband and began searching for the ties on his pants.

He was frozen stiff at the unexpected action, and words escaped him as he could do little else than admire the flattering breast bindings he had only begun to examine with his fingers in the kitchen.

"Sex appears to be the only way to get close to someone. Without it, I guess love just can't exist. So let's do it. Do you think you can love me then? Will you at least pretend?"

Her erratic outburst snapped him out of his stupor, and his hands flew to hers to halt her clumsy progress.

She fought him off, but he was stronger. She struggled as he grabbed her wrists firmly, and tugged them away from his person.

"Let go," she demanded angrily, fighting her own tears now as well.

"No. You're being foolish." She continued to struggle fruitlessly until he finally had her back pulled flush against him, hugging her tightly with a wrist in each hand.

Thoroughly trapped and rendered immobile, she finally gave up. Tears started to roll down her cheeks, but he was committed to holding her firm until she wore herself out.

"I just want someone to care about me," she admitted quietly, unable to restrain her sorrow any longer. He leaned in, squeezing her tighter as he did so, and put his lips right next to her ear.

"I care for you." It helped to hear him say that even more than she'd expected. She sniffed, and managed to cut off the supply of salty liquid in her eyes.

"But you're going to leave me."

He only paused a moment, and then relaxed his hold.

"Eventually, yes," he confirmed softly, but with as much certainty as always.

"You saved a human that night in the cave, and his life belongs to you. It may span fifty years, or be gone tomorrow, but I will never stop searching for a way to end it and return to the one I had before."

His grip on her was so lose now that she could easily escape it. But she chose to remain, and feel his warm breath tickle pleasingly across her neck.

"I can promise to stay by your side for as long as I am in this skin, but if you require promises of forever, that is something I am unable to give."

When she turned to look at him over her shoulder, he lowered her arms, before finally dropping them.

"You have to decide if the risk of pain outweighs the possibility of pleasure. I can give you my word that I shall do everything in my power to make our short time together worth the pain of having to part. But the choice is yours to make."

She finally turned around to face him, both now sitting on their knees. He fought the urge to touch her. He did not want to sway her answer towards something she might grow to regret. He understood her position, and she would be forced to live with whatever she decided for herself.

"You are not alone. It is a choice all of your kind has to make."

He hoped that brought her at least a little solace. Humans did not mate, therefor nothing tied them to one another accept their word. Knowing what the word of a mortal was worth, he could see how it was by no means a certainty. No wonder she was so apprehensive to trust her potential partners.

He hoped that whatever male she ended up with was worthy of her trust. He vowed to drop in on the young man when the time came and ensure himself of it. The idea of her with another was not a pleasant one, however.

"I saved a human's life that night, but I saved a demon too. Can't you see that?"

She'd torn him from his increasingly violent thoughts, and not for the first time that evening rendered him speechless with a simple question.

She of course was right. If she hadn't taken him out of the snow that night, demon Sesshoumaru wouldn't even be a possibility. She knew that by helping him, she was helping the real him too. And still, she saved him.

But the man she pulled into that sleeping bag with her was not a demon. If he was, she would not have survived the night. If he was, he would never have needed her help in the first place.

He looked down at those large, pleading blue eyes and knew what she was asking him. But he couldn't.

Even if he wanted to, he could not promise that once returned to himself, he would feel the same way he did now. He had been himself as a demon before, and that youkai had no desire to be with a human woman.

The real Sesshoumaru could never be with a mortal. Because the second that he was, the real Sesshoumaru would cease to exist. And that time, it would be forever.

He didn't have to answer her. She could see his answer in his eyes. She looked down regretfully, and tried to be satisfied that he was at least being honest with her.

"If there is no future in it, then I don't want to get attached. I've had my heart broken enough."

It was not what he had hoped. He hoped he could make her understand that the time you get with someone is well worth the pain it is to lose them. It was a conclusion he himself had finally come to, after grappling over his own questionable choices.

Losing Rin to those tigers was the most painful loss he'd ever experienced. One he continued to endure.

Forget that it was his fault, and she would have been better off if he'd just left her in a human village, or even just left her dead where he found her in the woods.

If only he'd never revived her, he would not have to go through the seemingly endless pain of having her taken from him. He could sleep at night, and the ache he felt all over would not persist to torture him every hour of the day.

He often had asked himself if he could do it again, knowing what he knew now, if he would have brought her back.

But if leaving her for dead would have meant that he would never have known her, never experienced any of the wonderful things he had seen and felt in his time with her, then he would not be the great demon he was... had been.

It was she who taught him to master Tenseiga, and she who helped him reclaim his arm, and create his new sword. Those experiences shaped him into who he was, and he would not trade them for anything, particularly not for something as pathetic as not wishing to feel pain. As he told the miko, pain improves you.

But the choice was hers to make, and she had made it. She was walking through the woods with his father's sword, and he was Rin, laying there dead from a wolf attack. She'd run the risk/reward calculation and ultimately decided to stay her hand. He wasn't worth it to her.

He knew she was wrong. He could have taught her things, showed her things about herself that would have changed who she was for the better. He would have left her, but he would have left her in better condition than he had found her in. But she will never know it.

The pain was not worth the risk, and he couldn't fault her for her choice. She'd certainly been through enough of it to make an educated decision.

"Very well." He resigned himself, and with a single nod, he stood up off the bed and began to walk across the room.

"Are you leaving now?" she asked, sounding more than a little hurt at his abandonment. At least she knew she was right. It was only the possibility of sex that kept a guy around.

He stopped. She watched him bend over, and flushed with embarrassment when she saw what he had in his hand.

He turned back, and saw she was getting redder with each step he took back to her. He reclaimed his seat on the edge of the bed, and handed her the shirt she'd frantically removed a few minutes ago. Nothing was said as she snatched it from him and hurriedly put it on.

Once she was dressed again, he took her chin in his hand, and looked into her eyes so she could see his sincerity for herself.

"I have already told you. As long as I am human, I shall remain by your side."

His human life belonged to her; he'd already decided it. His loyalties wouldn't change just because she didn't desire any further physical contact between them. It would have been nice, but it was not a requirement.

She vowed to help locate Rin, and assist him in finding a way to return him to his demon self. In return, he would remain her companion in whatever capacity she deemed fit. For as long as he was human.

He started to stand again, intent on claiming one of the bedrolls and granting her the space she most likely desired after such an emotionally draining evening. But her gentle touch on his arm prevented his ascent.

"Will you stay?" she asked hopefully, and when he did not immediately reply, "Please?"

How could he resist? The bed was much more comfortable than the floor. But he acknowledged that was not the only appeal of her offer.

He nodded, and won a shy smile from the young woman before she scooted over to make room. She laid down with her back to him, hoping he would take the hint.

Ever perceptive, he did. Laying down behind her, he pressed himself against her back, and threw his arm around her middle, gathering her tightly to him.

She sighed in relief, and laced her fingers with his where they rested upon her stomach. His hot breath on her neck was soothing, and helped lull her into a pleasant sleep. While his protective embrace comforted her with the knowledge that she wasn't alone.

---

"I am so disappointed."

"I'm the one that's disappointed, houshi. How could you leave Kagome alone with that bastard all night? You're supposed to watch out for her." Inuyasha was less than pleased when he heard about the stunt Miroku pulled the night before. He'd been grumbling about it all morning, and continued to scowl at him as he loaded up Kirara for his next journey.

"Nothing happened," Kagome assured him for the millionth time. "Sesshoumaru was a perfect gentleman. I wasn't in danger." She smiled warmly at the man in question, and he graciously returned the favor.

"I am so disappointed."

Miroku was less than pleased for an entirely different reason. When he'd returned after his date with the housemaid and found the couple locked in an embrace, he giddily jumped to the wrong conclusion.

She supposed she couldn't fault him. Sometime during the night, she had turned in her sleep so she was facing the former dog demon. He had not relinquished his hold on her however, and she clutched him tightly to her in an act that could not be blamed entirely on sleep.

She must have looked pretty cozy nuzzled up against his neck, and she could not confirm or deny recalling exactly where his hands were resting.

But she made sure to set the monk straight, and he was not pleased to hear the news.

"Then how come you guys were in the same bed, huh? Miroku says he found you asleep in each other's arms. Explain that." The last of supplies were affixed to the fire cat, and now the only thing keeping him from leaving was awaiting answers from his troublesome packmates.

"It was cold. He was warming me up." Inuyasha had heard that before, and the flat look he gave her told her he wasn't buying it this time. The mansion was well heated, and he himself was forced to sleep atop the covers. Though to be fair, there had been quite a bit of activity to help heat up his room. She tried again. "Plus, the bed was better than the floor. None of us wanted to sleep down there."

"Eheh. Sure." She put her hands on her hips, and sent him an impressive glare.

"Use your invasive nose then, if you're going to be nosy. You can tell nothing happened."

The bold suggestion surprised him, but he did relax his posture.

"Yeah, I guess she is on her cycle. No man in his right mind would try to mess around with that going on." She met Sesshoumaru's eyes, and saw the amusement dancing in them. It took all she had not to explode with laughter.

"I am so disappointed." One last glare at Miroku would have to be enough to tide him over. Then, just to be safe, he sent a bonus one to his half-brother as well.

"Alright, well. I won't be back 'til morning so the girls can take my room tonight. You and Miroku can cuddle up if you get cold this time, bastard."

The suggestion garnered no reaction from Sesshoumaru, but the lecher suddenly had a devious grin on his face.

"Perhaps the ladies would like to do the same. And if you are still cold, I will of course be happy to add my heat to that delicious sandwich." Inuyasha began to take a menacing step forward, but Sango strategically threw her arms around him to keep him in place.

"Just try it and I'll make sure you can never be with a woman again, monk." He turned to kiss Sango goodbye. "Feel free to kick his ass while I'm gone. Ready Kirara?"

The fire cat meowed the affirmative, and he hopped on his trusty steed.

They watched them fly until they were out of sight, which was only a matter of seconds. General Yakimoto had given them several points of contact to investigate throughout the day, and everyone was eager to get started.

"Alright, guess it's time to move on. Is everybody ready?" Sango and Miroku began to march ahead, and before she joined them, Kagome shared a brief glance with Sesshoumaru.

He seemed to be waiting for her; ready to go on her word. The picture of patience, he appeared content with letting her take her time as she adjusted her pack more comfortably on her shoulders. She smiled widely at him.

"I'm ready."

---

A/N: You weren't imagining things, this was an incredibly long chapter. At 60 pages and over 27k words, it is my longest of any fic ever (so far, haha.) I'm getting out of control here.

Tell me what you prefer: Really long chapters that take longer to update, or shorter chapters that update more frequently? Inquiring minds want to know.

LOL, oh yeah, idk what ants can really lift. Sounded good tho, yeah?