Disclaimer:

I don't own The Big Bang Theory.

A/N:

This story is definitely about Sheldon and Amy, but it will be an AU and OOC and will start in 2010.

I got this idea during Memorial Day in my country and the fact that this story can be true to a lot of people in a lot of countries around the world.

The story will revolve around dealing with loss and how it affects someone. If it's a trigger to anyone who decides to read this story, please do it carefully.

I have no intention of offending anyone with my story.

Chapter 4:

One month, past since Memorial Day and since Sheldon and Amy met for the very first time. Since Memorial Day and the time they spoke at Griffith Observatory, their ways never crossed again.

Sheldon remembered he still had Amy's card buried in his wallet, but he didn't dare to look at it, let alone taking it out. He couldn't. Not after the talk they had and the guilt he felt afterwards.

He still wondered at times why it was so easy to open up to Amy like this, when it took him so long to tell Leonard about Liz. And Leonard was his best friend.

He was walking towards the cafeteria as he thought about everything that happened last month, when Howard called him and brought him back to reality.

"Sheldon!"

"What?" Sheldon said, looking at Howard with confused eyes.

"You nearly walked into the trays' station." Howard pointed out and Sheldon looked down to see the trays' station close to his crotch.

"Thank you." Sheldon said and grabbed a tray and started to get his lunch.

"Are you okay?" Howard asked as they sat at the table where Leonard and Raj were already seated.

"Yes."

"Is everything alright?" Leonard asked as Sheldon and Howard sat at the table.

"Sheldon nearly bumped into the trays' station." Howard said and started eating.

"I was just distracted. Everything's alright." Sheldon said annoyingly.

Leonard looked at Sheldon with concerned look and was about to talk when President Siebert entered the cafeteria with a woman no one saw before.

"Who is she?" Raj immediately asked.

"I don't know. She looks new here." Howard said.

"I can't see her face." Raj said just and tried to look at her face just as both the woman and president Siebert turned around and saw them.

Sheldon's eyes bugged out when he saw her.

"Ah... Dr. Cooper, Dr. Hofstadter, Dr. Koothrapalli, Mr. Wolowitz, I'd like you all to meet Dr. Fowler. She came here for a short period to be a guest lecturer in the neurobiology department, and hopefully we'll be able to keep her here." President Siebert smiled.

"Hello." Everyone said.

"Hello. You can call me Amy." Amy said with a small smile, but kept her eyes on Sheldon who made it look like he's busy with his lunch, but sneaked glances at Amy.

There was an awkward silence between everyone, and Sheldon and Amy kept sneaking looks at each other until President Siebert cut off the silence.

"Well, I guess I'll keep showing you around, Dr. Fowler. Gentlemen."

And at that Amy and President Siebert left the four to their lunch.

Sheldon let out a breath he didn't even realized he was holding, a little too loud which made the other three looked at him.

"Are you alright?" Leonard asked.

"Do you know her?" Raj and Howard asked at the same time as Leonard talked.

Leonard was confused at Raj and Howard's question and looked at Sheldon who looked somewhat uncomfortable.

"I'm fine." Sheldon said.

Sheldon then continued to play with his food for a few more moments while the guys sat there quietly, eating their lunch.

Suddenly Sheldon got up, took his tray with him to clean it and left the cafeteria., while his friends looking at him with confused looks on their faces.

"So… you think he knows Amy?" Howard asked Leonard who shrugged his shoulders and kept eating.

In the meantime, Sheldon returned to his office and closed the door to his office a little to loud than he intended and went to sit at his desk with a huff.

Is she following me? Sheldon thought in anger.

He barely had time to think any further when a small knock on his door was heard.

"Come in." Sheldon said and didn't look at the person who came into his office.

"Everything alright, buddy?" Leonard asked him as he closed the door behind him.

"Yes." Sheldon answered shortly.

"You seemed pretty upset back at lunch… when president Siebert introduced Amy to us."

"Yeah… well…"

"Well what?" Leonard tried to make Sheldon talk, unsuccessfully.

"Nothing…" Sheldon sighed.

"Okay." Leonard got up and went towards the door.

"If you want to talk about it, you know where to find me." Leonard said before he opened the door and Left Sheldon's office.

Sheldon sighed again and put his head between his hands.

He sat like that for a while, thinking of everything that happened between him and Amy on Memorial Day and then he thought of how he felt in the evening; the guilt that ate at him because of how easy it was to talk to Amy.

He was about to break down in tears when another knock on his door disturbed him.

"I thought I will find you, Leonard." Sheldon said as he went to open the door to his office.

"I'm sorry. Is this a bad time?" it wasn't Leonard at the door.

"You… what do you want? Are you following me?" Sheldon asked Amy as he turned back to his office, leaving Amy at the doorstep.

"May I come in?" Amy asked gently.

"Okay." Sheldon said as he sat back at his desk.

Amy came into Sheldon's office with hesitant steps, and gently closed the door behind her.

"Thank you."

"So… what is it that you want?"

"I… I wanted to talk to you… and as to your other question; no. I am not following you. As president Siebert explained, I came here as a guest lecturer and that's all."

"Yes… for now…"

"Look. I don't owe you any explanation what I'm doing with my career choices. I had no idea you work here. I was as surprised to see you here as you were to see me." Amy answered harshly.

"Alright. Is that all?"

"No… I actually thought that maybe we could… I don't know… be friends or something of the sort…" Amy said exasperated.

In that particular moment she didn't know why she wanted to be friends with that person in the first place, but she remembered it was nice to have someone to talk to… that wasn't from the support group.

"Why would you think we could be friends?" Sheldon raised an eyebrow at her.

"Honestly, right now I really don't know why, but it was… I don't know… nice, maybe… to have someone to talk to – "

"You go to a support group." Sheldon cut her off.

"Who was not from the support group." Amy continued.

"Oh. Well… I don't know."

"Okay… it's fine…" Amy turned to walk out from Sheldon's office.

Just when she was about to go out of the office she heard Sheldon murmur something.

"Did you feel guilty after we talked?" Sheldon asked with his head bowed to his table.

Amy took a deep breath before she answered.

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Yes." Amy said as she closed the door.

"Why?"

"I… I… I felt like I was cheating on Nathan."

"Nathan?"

"My boyfriend."

"Oh… yes… I felt the same way…"

"Why do you think it happened to you?" Amy asked carefully.

"I don't know exactly… I just know that other than my Meemaw, Liz was the one person I could talk to about everything and she listened to me and encouraged me…" Sheldon said with a sigh.

"I know what you mean…" Amy said quietly.

"You do?" Sheldon asked as he gestured Amy to sit in the chair in front of him.

"Yes. Nathan and Aaron, my brother, were the two people I felt the most comfortable talking to about everything. They really supported me and understood me and the reasons behind my choices in life… and then… they were suddenly gone…"

"Yes… gone…" Sheldon sighed for what felt like the 100th time for that day.

They sat in Sheldon's office in quiet for a while, thinking about their loved ones and how much they miss them.

"I'm sorry." Sheldon said all of a sudden.

"What for?" Amy asked in confusion.

"I was rude to you and you didn't deserve it…" Sheldon said quietly.

"Thank you. it's okay."

"It's just… it's hard for me to talk to people in general so talk to someone about Liz…"

"Yeah… I get it…"

Sheldon wanted to admit to her that it was easy for him to talk to her, but decided against it.

She doesn't have to know that. Sheldon thought.

"Well… I guess I'll go back to my office. I guess I'll see you around." Amy said and got up.

"I guess so." Sheldon said.

Amy extended her hand to shake Sheldon's hand and he looked at her with confused look.

"Colleagues?"

"I don't shake hands."

"Fine." Amy dropped her hand and went to the door.

Something in her reaction made Sheldon's brain itch. He got up and stopped her.

"Colleagues." He said and extended his hand to shake hers.

Amy took his hand and shook it with a soft smile, which Sheldon returned.

Something happened when they shook hands. Something neither one wanted to admit… not to themselves and not aloud, but they knew that something happened. The feeling of holding each other hand, even if it was just for a moment, felt good… comforting. Something neither one of them felt for a long time.

"I… I should go…" Amy said quietly.

"Alright." Sheldon said and let go of her hand.

Once Amy was gone Sheldon breathed heavily, as if it was the first time he was breathing.

What is that? what is it? why am I feeling like that with her? Sheldon thought.

He couldn't think straight anymore. he didn't like the way he felt.

He grabbed his things and left his office. He didn't know where he was going, but he knew he had to go.

He texted Leonard that he won't come back with him after work and that he's going for a walk.

In return Leonard asked him if he was okay and Sheldon only answered that he is and that Leonard doesn't need to worry about him.

Sheldon the university and just walked around. He didn't pay attention to the time and how long he was walking around, but eventually he found himself entering to The Cheesecake Factory and went straight to the bar.

He felt relieved that Penny wasn't there. He didn't want to explain everything to her.

"I'll have Cuba Lire." Sheldon said to the waitress at the bar.

Sheldon hated alcohol and all that it entails, but at the moment he felt that this is the only thing that will help him deal with the stress and guilt and other feelings that were eating him inside.

Sheldon was deep in thoughts, and a little drunk, when Penny entered the restaurant to start her shift, at first she didn't see him, but when she went to put her things at the back, she noticed him; his right hand on the bar and his head lying on top of his hand and it looked like he was very upset.

Penny signaled to the waitress at the bar to get closer so they could talk.

"Hey Deb, What's with him?" Penny asked Deb as she pointed at Sheldon.

"I don't know. he came here an hour ago, asked for Cuba Libre, drank a few sips and then put his had on his hand and started to mumble to himself." Deb updated Penny.

"Mumble? What was he mumbling?"

"I didn't pay too much attention, but I think I caught something that sounded like Liz…"

"Liz? Weird… okay, thanks. I'll take care of him." Penny said with a sigh and went to put her things in her locker and called Leonard.

"Hey." Leonard answered.

"Hey. Um… look… I need you to come here." Penny said as she watched Sheldon from near the register.

"Here where? Why?"

"To the restaurant. Sheldon is here and well… he's drunk."

"What? what did you give him this time?"

"I didn't give him anything. you saw me going to work 20 minutes ago. Apparently, he came here alone and asked for Cuba Libre by himself…"

"Not a virgin one?"

"Nope. Deb worked the bar shift and she told me that after he took a few sips he laid his head on his hand and started to mumble things. The only thing she caught was something she said that sounded like 'Liz'. Do you know something about it?" Penny asked.

"Oh… um… no. Okay, keep him there, I'll be right there." Leonard said quickly and hung up the call.

Penny approached Sheldon carefully. She didn't want to scare him or do something that will make him run away and then it'll be harder for them to find him.

"Sheldon? Sweetie? Are you alright?" She asked gently.

Sheldon focused his eyes on Penny and talked.

"Penny… hello…"

"Hi. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine… I'll be better soon…"

"Okay. I called Leonard so he'll be here soon to take you home."

"Leonard…" Sheldon slurred and smiled.

"Don't tell anyone about Liz, Leonard!" Sheldon said to a spot far away.

"He won't." Penny promised Sheldon.

Penny sat next to Sheldon and kept an eye on him until Leonard showed up. He didn't say much while they waited for Leonard, and Penny decided not to push him, for a change.

"Hey." Leonard approached them. he looked like he just ran a marathon.

"Hey. I think he's asleep." Penny said as she looked at Sheldon who was quiet for a while.

Leonard put a hand on Sheldon's shoulder gently and called his name.

"Sheldon…"

Nothing.

"Buddy… wake up… it's Leonard."

Sheldon opened his eyes and looked at his friend.

"Leonard! You're a good friend, Leonard."

"Thank you. Now come home. you need to get some sleep."

"Home? I don't have a home… I have a house, Leonard…" Sheldon said as he got up and leaned on Leonard and Penny for support.

"You don't have a house you live in an apartment."

"I know that…"

Leonard and Penny exchanged confused looks. They've seen Sheldon drunk once or twice, but this time he didn't make any sense at all.

"Home is where the people you love are… my home is with Liz…" Sheldon said and Leonard took a deep breath and patted his friend's back.

"You'll have a home, buddy."

"No… I won't…"

Leonard didn't respond any further, and the all kept quiet until they got to Leonard's car where Penny and Leonard put Sheldon gently in Leonard's car.

Once they closed the door Penny turned to Leonard.

"Who's Liz?"

"I can't tell you."

"What? you tell me everything."

"No, I don't, and I will not discuss this with you."

"Why not?"

"Because it's Sheldon's thing!"

"Fine…"

"And don't try to get it out of him!" Leonard warned her as he went to the driver's sit, and Penny crossed her arms like a little girl who was just deprived her favorite candy.

Back in Los Robles, Leonard helped Sheldon up the three flights of stairs and he cursed every step they went up, that the elevator wasn't working.

Finally, after about 10 minutes that seemed like an hour, they were in 4A and Leonard started to walk towards Sheldon's room when Sheldon stopped him.

"I wanna sleep on the couch…"

"Are you sure? You'll be more comfortable in your bed."

"I want to sleep on the couch. The room makes me think of Liz."

"Alright." Leonard said and helped Sheldon to lay down on their couch.

He then helped him take off his shoes and then covered him with a blanket.

Sheldon was out just as Leonard covered him with a blanket and Leonard sighed heavily. For the first time he really felt bad for Sheldon. He went to the bathroom and brought out some Aspirin and it and a bottle of water next to Sheldon, in case he needed it.

He then sat on the white chair and sighed heavily. He didn't know what to do. He didn't think that calling Sheldon's mom will do any good. He didn't want to enforce therapy on Sheldon. he couldn't talk to their friends about it both because he promised Sheldon he wouldn't tell anyone, but mostly because it wasn't his place to tell them about Liz.

For the first time in their entire friendship, Leonard felt absolutely useless to Sheldon.

Without realizing it, Leonard fell asleep as well and was woken up by Sheldon calling his name.

"Leonard." Sheldon practically yelled at him.

"What?"

"What am I doing here? Why am I sleeping on the couch?" Sheldon asked more quietly as while rubbing his head.

"You asked me to let you sleep on the couch…" Leonard said.

"Why?" Sheldon asked as he grabbed the bottle of water that Leonard put next to him earlier.

"You…" Leonard sighed.

"You see… apparently you went to The Cheesecake Factory earlier today and had a few sips of Cuba Libre. Penny called me and told me to come and get you since you were drunk and mumbling in the restaurant…"

"Mumbling?"

"Yes."

"What did I mumble?"

"Well… before I arrived Penny said you mumbled something that sounded like Liz…"

"Liz?"

"Yes… and well… when I got there… you told me that I'm a good friend and when I tried to take you home you said that you don't have a home… you have a house… you said that your…"

"That my home is with Liz…damn it… " Sheldon sighed.

"Did Penny hear any of it?"

"Yes… but I didn't tell her a thing about Liz. I swear."

"Thank you, Leonard."

They were quiet for a few moments before Sheldon looked around him again.

"But… what am I doing here?"

"You told me that your room makes you think of Liz."

"Oh… alright."

"Sheldon… I have to ask… what happened today?"

"It's nothing…"

"Sheldon… come on. I want to help you."

"There's nothing you can do…"

"I can listen."

Sheldon thought about it for a few moments and eventually gave up.

"It's… it's Dr. Fowler."

"Dr. Fowler… Amy? the new lecturer?"

"Yes."

"What about her?"

"I met her on Memorial Day near a coffee place I go to every year… it's… well it's close to a supporting group for people who lost their loved ones in the army…"

"You went-?"

"No. I never entered, but I go to the coffee shop next to it every year. I read about the supporting group a while back, but never had the courage to go in, so I end up in the coffee shop next to it…"

"So you met Amy in the coffee shop?"

"Outside it… she… well… she goes to the meetings…"

"Oh…"

"She told me that she knows it's hard to enter but that it helps. She gave me her card and everything, but I never used it…"

"I then ran into her later on that day in Griffith Observatory… and we talked… and it was…"

"Hard?" Leonard asked carefully.

"No… it was easy… since she could have an idea of what I was going through… or because she's a stranger… I don't know… but it was easy to open up to her… and I felt guilty…"

"Guilty? Why?"

"I felt like I'm cheating on Liz. She was the only person, other than Meemaw I could talk to about everything… and now this stranger woman comes and I can just talk to her?!"

Leonard didn't know how to respond to that. There is nothing that he could say that will make Sheldon feel otherwise.

"And today I saw Amy again… and it was weird… and I didn't know how to react… what to say to her… and then she came to my office…"

"She came to your office?"

"Yes… and we talked… and she told me she felt the same way about what happened… and when she left, we shook hands… and… I don't know what I felt… but I didn't feel it in a long, long time Leonard…"

There was a tense silence that Sheldon broke.

"I'm scared, Leonard." Sheldon whispered.

A/N:

Thank you so much for keeping with my stories. I am trying to write as much as I can, but I'm going through some things that unfortunately makes lose my inspiration. I am trying to write no matter what, but it's not easy.

I promise I didn't forget about the other stories and I will update them next.

I would to read your thoughts and reviews about this chapter.