A/N: I know this story is weird and has a very niche audience but omg even if it has 10 readers, I'm happy cos obsessmuch read and reviewed! Yes I can die happy now :) thank you!

Btw this chapter picks up from last chapter of the Skype webchat, with Snape as Dumbledore's hostage and Hermione as Lucius/Voldemort's hostage. And each side threatening to do something terrible to their hostage, you know the drill... and in this chapter I didn't make any new changes or edits cos the old version seemed fine! More chapters to come, I'm currently have edited and added up to chapter 22 where they move to the secret Black cave...

-/-
CHAPTER 10: CONSEQUENCES

-/-

Voldemort raised an eyebrow, "Here's how it goes, either you give me back Snape in the next five minutes or the girl will suffer a terrible ordeal!"

Albus Dumbledore rubbed his beard as he considered the offer, "Hmmm, you don't leave me with much choices here Tom..."

Voldemort grinned.

"...I can't have my student violated and I can't have my potions master taken away from me," Dumbledore continued, "However I could just continue to use Snape as leverage over you," he grabbed Snape suggestively, "until I get my way!"

Voldemort eyes bulged, "I call a ceasefire!"

"What will happen if I don't comply?" Dumbledore scoffed.

"Then I will have Lucius take the girl right here and right now!"

"Then I will have Snape deflowered even before he can!"

There were tears streaming down Snape's face, something no one had seen since 1981. No one had seen Severus Snape this distressed since Lily died.

"For God's sake just do what he asks," Snape moaned in between heaving sobs.

"No!" Hermione suddenly yelled, seeing what was going to happen between her and Lucius, and not wanting to miss the opportunity now that it was so freely given, with permission from Voldemort. "I can take it! Just do it! Hit me with your best shot!"

"Would you for once just shut your stupid Gryffindor mouth?!" Snape yelled back from the chair to which he was duct-taped.

"No!" she shouted from her own chair where just a moment ago a half-naked Lucius had been gyrating his hips in front of her, "Don't negotiate with them Dumbledore! Tell Harry I'll be fine, I can handle it!"

Lucius felt very tempted to slap her though they had called a ceasefire. "Who unsilencioed her?!" he demanded.

"I did," Voldemort said, sounding uncertain whether he was winning or losing, given the two very different reactions of the hostages. Snape seemed terrified while the mudblood seemed brave and almost eager. The Dark Lord narrowed his eyes at Lucius, full of suspicion. "I thought she was going to scream and cry like Snape, but she doesn't seem scared at all!" he hissed "Why is that Lucius?!"

"Yes, why is that Tom?" Dumbledore smirked from the other side of the web screen, where he sat idly stroking Snape's hair.

"Shut up Dumbledore!" Voldemort hissed, "And get your hands off Snape, we called a ceasefire!"

The Hogwarts headmaster raised his hands in the air as if he had been caught yet the smirk did not leave his face, "I'll agree to a ceasefire for Hermione's sake," Dumbledore paused to chuckle, "Though from the look of things, she doesn't need my help!"

Voldemort clenched his fist around his wand, barely restraining himself. If Dumbledore was here in person, instead of on the computer, Voldemort would already have attacked him with full force. He turned back to Lucius, more furious than ever, "How is it that a mere mudblood girl can withstand you Lucius, while Snape, a trained Death Eater, is reduced to tears by Dumbledore?!"

"My lord, you cannot blame m-me? I was doing my best-"

"A little too well, it seems," Voldemort's eyes flickered between Lucius' rippled torso and the mudblood. His eyes darkened, "Take the mudblood out of here before she embarrasses us further. I'll speak with you after I'm finished here!"

Lucius could feel the anger radiating off of Voldemort and quickly bowed. He knew he was in big trouble. Voldemort hadn't been this angry since that time one of the Death Eaters discovered Voldemort played the cello and made the mistake of laughing. That Death Eater was still laughing as the green light of the Avada Kedavra curse ended his life. Talk about getting off on the wrong note.

-/-

As soon as they were out in the hallway, the mudblood was her usual insufferable self, pushing all his buttons and defying all common decency and manners.

Lucius refrained from strangling the chit...just barely.

"Would you have done it?!" Hermione yelled hysterically at him.

Lucius dragged Hermione by the arm as he opened the door of her cell and prepared to throw her in. For some reason, he was too affected by the course of events today to silencio her again. Somehow he needed to hear the mudblood's anger, if only to reassure him that nothing could possibly happen between them...except for slaps, unkind words and hate. Things within his comfort zone.

"Would you have?!" she repeated madly.

Since he had been forced to whip off his robes and dance against her, Lucius had been carefully avoiding looking at her. But he finally stared down hard at her, his steely gaze one of pure hate as he met her honey, brown eyes.

"What does it matter to you, if I would have or not?" he snarled, hoping she would drop the subject. His face unspeakably pale as a sheet. "It doesn't concern you!"

Her eyes widened and she latched onto a response to his curt words. "It doesn't concern me?! Are you kidding me, I think it would concern me that you almost-"

He cut her off savagely. "As I recall, you were begging for it, mudblood!" He looked her up and down with absolute scorn, as if the thought alone disgusted him.

Hermione's cheeks flushed. "I WAS TRYING TO PROTECT HARRY AND DUMBLEDORE FROM NEGOTIATING WITH YOU SICK CREEPS! THOUGH YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND THAT WOULD YOU?!"

He flicked his hair back. "Not at all mudblood, I understand you perfectly! In the same way you choose to suffer for your friends, I do what I have to!" he drawled coldly, "I did not volunteer for anything, it was an order."

Her eyes finally started to tear up. Because she could finally see him for what he is.

"So if Voldemort orders you to jump off a bridge, would you do that?!"

Lucius flinched as if an arrow had pierced his armour. For a moment he just stared at her with his wand held so tightly it was shaking. He was so tempted to obliviate her. But if he could not obliviate himself, why should he make it any easier on her? Why should he be the only one to suffer?

"Don't just stand there like you're made of stone!" she yelled madly.

He finally returned to his senses and slapped her hard on the face. This time he didn't use his hand sanitizer. He'd have to use scourgify on his entire body after what had happened in Voldemort's throne room.

"You insolent abomination!" he slapped her again, annoyed that her face was normal now. "How dare you speak to me like that, you presumptuous little slut! Do you have any idea what you've done?!"

Hermione shook her head, tears freely streaming down her face like two fountains. Because for a moment, just a moment, she thought he might have done something other than slap her. But she was wrong to expect anything more from this monster man encased in ice.

"The Dark Lord was furious!" he shouted more to himself than her, "Furious!"

Lucius paused as he saw her crying.

"Damn you, you can't even cry when you're supposed to! Your filthy tears are useless now!" he shouted as if that was supposed to make her stop. "You were supposed to cry when we were doing Snape's ransom, but you didn't! You did everything to humiliate me!"

He grimaced as Hermione began to cry even harder. It was as if her every move and action was calculated to infuriate and defy him. Even her tears.

It was giving him a headache.

"Damn you!" He swept out of her cell and slammed the door shut before she could annoy him further. He already had enough annoying people in his life, with Narcissa, Bella, Draco and...

Damn.

His Dark Mark was burning like a hot potato. Voldemort must be repeatedly pressing the activation button. He hurried up the stairs. No doubt his master had a word to say about the mudblood's incredible defiance.

Lucius was on edge as he returned to Voldemort's throne room alone. As he entered, he saw Voldemort's computer smashed to pieces against the stone floor and took it to mean that negotiations had NOT gone well. Though Lucius was almost too afraid to ask.

Voldemort sat on his throne deceptively, calmly drinking tea before a small table laid with doilies and creamed crumpets.

"Do you want to know how negotiations with the Order went?" Voldemort finally asked, a perfect English gentleman despite his snake face.

Lucius gulped and blinked rapidly. "No I mean...Yes, my lord. How did it go?"

"They laughed at me, Lucius!" the Dark Lord held his head in his hands.

Lucius sucked in his breathe, "My lord, I'm sorry-"

Voldemort threw his cup of tea at the floor, splattering the fine china into dust it hit the ground so hard.

"Sorry's not good enough!" The room shook with his voice. Voldemort stood up from his throne and narrowed his eyes at Lucius, "Why is the mudblood still not scared of you?! Didn't I tell you to break her?!"

"My lord, I tried! She-"

"Try harder! Bring Bella in if you have to, to give you some pointers!"

Lucius knew it was best to say nothing at this point. Nothing about this situation looked good. There was no way he could explain that the mudblood was scared of him but not in the way she was supposed to be.

"I want that insufferable mudblood tortured till she screams and shows real fear next time we are negotiating. If word gets out that a mere mudblood is not afraid of us, we are finished! Do you hear me? Finished!"

Voldemort pointed his wand at the floor to turn the dust back into a teacup, then he calmly poured himself a new cup.

"Yes, my lord. I will waste no time and spare no measure," he avowed with real emotion and held his fist against his chest, "I swear I will break her. I will break her if it's the last thing I do!"

"Good," Voldemort waved a hand to dismiss him, "Don't disappoint me, Lucius."

Lucius bowed his head and left Voldemort's throne room. That mudblood girl was the most troublesome person he ever had the misfortune of meeting. She was wrecking his reputation. She was wrecking his work relationship with the Dark Lord. She was wrecking his life. Damn her if she wasn't going to pay for it!

But first he needed some downtime. He was as a tense as a tent on four poles.

-/-

end of chapter 10

-/-

A/N:Thank you again to obsessmuch and please make sure you read Eden the original at least twice before reading this parody! ;0 cos ur missing out if you haven't!

So this chapter was less humorous and more dramatic. Although this is a comedy/crack fic, I still treat the developing Lucius/Hermione relationship with great care because I do want it to eventually include some serious romantic scenes like in the real Eden.

Question: How do you think Lucius relaxes in his downtime? We will cover that in the next chapter. Don't be surprised if Bella interrupts rudely! How do you think she will react when Lucius tells her he has a headache?

Poor Lucius, he has so many annoying people in his life! Thumbs up if you do too!