Ronnie stood outside the car absolutely frozen. What was Mona doing here? As Dean took her hand, trying to lead her to the porch, Ronnie thought of the last time the two of them had been together.
Six Years Earlier
Everything hurt.
That was the first thing Ronnie felt when she opened her eyes. Everything hurt. She wanted to move, but she couldn't. As she opened her eyes more, she started to remember what happened. The more she thought about it, the more she almost wished she hadn't woken up.
Ronnie saw someone sitting next to her bed. A familiar head of black hair made her smile. Ronnie put a hand on Mona's head and patted it gently.
"Momma."
Ronnie would later convince herself that she had meant to say Mona, and not Momma, and that it was her drug induced haze that had made her say that. But for that moment, Ronnie was certain that she'd gotten the mommy she wanted so badly.
Mona lifted her head and smiled at the hurt Ronnie. Ronnie could see that she'd been crying, and she reached for Mona's hand to try and hold it. But she had to stop. Both her hands were bandaged so much that she couldn't move them. Mona took a seat on the bed and pushed Ronnie's meticulously brushed hair out of her face.
"Hi, sweetheart."
"Hi."
"How are you feeling?" Mona asked.
"Sore." Ronnie said. "Hurts."
"I know. I'll be right back, sweetie. I'm going to get the doctor and Gil, okay?"
"No. Please stay wif me." Ronnie begged. "Don't leave."
Mona frowned. "Okay, honey. I'll stay."
"What happened?"
"What do you remember?" Mona asked.
Ronnie swallowed and her eyes filled with tears. She did remember what happened, and she didn't want to talk about it. "I'm sorry."
Mona shushed her gently. "No, honey. You didn't do anything wrong. None of this was your fault."
"I shouldn't have made him mad…"
"No. Listen to me. You did not deserve this. You didn't deserve any of this, and I'm sorry I brought you into it."
"I'm not." Ronnie said. "I'm glad I met you."
"And I'm glad I met you." Mona said with a smile.
"Where is he?"
"Who?" Mona asked.
"Jack."
"He's gone. He can't hurt you again." Mona promised. "Don't worry, okay? You're safe."
Ronnie smiled. "Does that mean you can be my mom now?"
Mona's face fell. She'd prayed that Ronnie wouldn't ask that question. "Sweetheart, I'm sorry. I don't think that's a good idea."
"What? Why?"
"It just can't happen. Baby, I'm sorry."
"Please. Please don't send me away. I'm sorry, just don't send me away again, please…"
"Ronnie, listen to me, honey. Please just calm down and listen to me." Mona wanted badly to take the wounded Ronnie into her arms and hold her again. "I'm sorry, Ronnie. I'm so sorry. But I'm afraid that if I take you home, Billy will blame you for his Daddy going away. I'm afraid he'll hurt you too."
"But you'll be there. You can keep me safe."
"I'm sorry, honey. No."
"I'll be good. I swear. Please."
Mona shook her head. "No."
Ronnie felt her heart crack. "What's wrong with me?"
"What?" Mona asked.
"What's wrong with me?" Ronnie asked tearily. "Why don't anybody want me? Why won't nobody be my mommy?"
"Oh, sweetheart…" Mona gently took Ronnie's arm to try and comfort her.
"Go 'way." Ronnie snatched her arm away from Mona. "Just go 'way and leave me alone. Everyone else does."
"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I'm so sorry."
"Just leave me alone."
This, Ronnie would come to understand later, was a defining moment in her life. The moment when she understood the truth of her life. The moment that the pain she'd carried since her mommy died exploded inside her chest and seemed to stick to every part of her.
She was alone. No one wanted her to be their kid. So she'd stop trying. She'd stop dreaming of a mommy and a daddy and maybe a brother or sister and just accept that she'd always be alone.
"I know this is hard to believe, Ronnie. But I'm doing this because I love you. I can't let Billy hurt you, sweetheart."
"I said leave. Leave me alone. You not my mommy, so leave me alone."
Mona went to the door and turned back to the crying Ronnie. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I know you don't believe me. But I'm so sorry."
What is sorry supposed to do, Ronnie thought. It didn't take away the hurt she was feeling. When Mona turned away and left, all Ronnie could do was focus on how she felt herself. How heartbroken and shattered she felt. What she couldn't see, as she heard the door close behind Mona and Gil come inside, was Mona's own tears as they fell down her face.
Mona smiled from the porch. "Hi, Ronnie."
"Ronnie, she said she's a friend of yours. Is that true?"
"No." Ronnie said bitterly. "No, she's not."
Mona frowned. "Honey, I just came to talk."
"I have nothing to say to you."
"Ronnie, it can't hurt to hear her out." John said gently.
It did hurt. It hurt every ounce of Ronnie's being to hear Mona out. But what John said went, so Ronnie stayed silent.
"How have you been?"
"Crummy thanks to you." Ronnie answered.
"Ronnie." John said gently. While he wanted her to be polite, he didn't know her history with this woman and didn't want to force anything.
"Ronnie, I just have one thing to say to you. Please just listen and hear me out. Please?"
Ronnie sighed. She said nothing, just waited for Mona to talk.
"I'm sorry, honey. I'm so sorry that Jack hurt you. I'm sorry I didn't do a good job of protecting you. And most of all I'm sorry I didn't take you in."
Dean was certain that Ronnie was trying to squeeze his hand off. He pulled his hand out of Ronnie's and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, where he felt the full force of her shaking under him.
"Dad." Dean pleaded. He pointed at Ronnie, praying his dad would get the hint.
John caught on right away. "I know I said you could stay for dinner, but I think you should go, Mrs. Wilkerson."
"Yes. I understand." Mona said. "I'll leave you alone now Ronnie. I'm sorry about Billy today. I'll talk to him."
"You should probably do more than talk, lady." Dean replied bitterly.
"Dean, it's okay. Let her go." Ronnie said. She looked up and asked, "Do you get that you messed me up? That the only reason I stayed with you so long, even with him doing what he did to me, was because you promised to adopt me?"
"I know."
"Do you get that you left me alone in the hospital at seven years old, thinking I wasn't good enough to have a family? That I didn't deserve a mom or a dad?"
Mona nodded sadly.
"I moved twenty more times since then. That's not even counting the five times I lived in the group home or the weekends that Gil took me home with him and his wife. I've only been with John for a few weeks now, but that's the longest I've ever stayed in one place."
"I'm sorry."
"Well, I'm sorry, but sorry's not enough. Jack might have hurt me on the outside, but you destroyed me on the inside. I just can't tell you it's okay."
"I get that."
"But I do forgive you." Ronnie said. "I don't want you to spend your whole life carrying that around."
"Thank you. Thank you, sweetheart." Mona suddenly coughed so much that she seemed to sway where she stood.
"Whoa, are you okay?" Ronnie asked, running over and helping to support Mona. "Come on, sit down."
"No, no. I'm fine." Mona said. She turned to John. "Could I have some water, please?"
"I'll grab you a bottle out of the fridge." Dean volunteered.
"What's wrong with you?" Ronnie asked, afraid to know the answer.
Mona accepted the bottle from Dean, thanked him, then smiled back at Ronnie. "Lung cancer."
Ronnie shifted awkwardly. No matter what she felt about Mona, she was a good woman, and Ronnie didn't want her suffering. "I'm sorry."
"Thank you, honey, but that's just the way my life worked out."
"Look, John already invited you for dinner. Why don't you stay?"
"Thank you, really, but I need to get home to Billy." Mona said, almost reluctantly. She took a long look at Ronnie and asked, "Can I have a hug?"
"Sure."
Five minutes later, Mona was back in her car waving goodbye to everyone. Ronnie felt slightly better, at least until she turned back to John.
"Why didn't you tell me you got in a fight at school today?"
"Dad…"
"Dean, I want her to tell me." John said, keeping his eyes on Ronnie.
"He attacked me first." Ronnie said. She told John a briefer version of the story she'd told Dean in the car. "I asked him nicely twice to leave me alone, and I told him to go away."
John nodded. "Okay. That's what Mona said. Just remember this, okay? You don't start a fight with Billy, but you can end anything he starts. Got it?"
"Got it. Am I in trouble?"
"No, honey. You're not in trouble." John said. "Hey, Dean?"
"Yeah, Dad?"
"Remember those papers Gil got for me? Where I put them?"
Dean smiled. "Yeah."
"Want to grab them for me?"
"Sure, Dad." Dean went inside the house and came back out with a yellow envelope.
"I was going to wait to do this until we were all together this weekend. But I think you need to know now. I want you to open it up in just a second, but before you do, just know this. It's totally your decision. If you don't want to do this, or you'd rather wait and think about it, it's okay."
"What are you talking about?" Ronnie asked as she opened the envelope. "Why are you being so weird?"
Inside the envelope was a stack of papers, and Ronnie gasped when she read the title. Certificate of Adoption.
"You're serious?" Ronnie whispered. "This isn't a joke?"
"No, honey. It's not." John said. "What do you think?"
Rather than answer, Ronnie grabbed John in the tightest hug she'd ever given anyone, with the possible exception of her mother. The moment was perfect. For once, Ronnie believed that things were working. She really would be okay.
"I'll take that as a yes?"
"You bet it's a yes."
"I'm glad you're happy, honey. What do you say we go out to celebrate tonight?" John asked.
"I'm afraid to let you go." Ronnie said, arms still wrapped around John's middle.
"Why?"
"I'm afraid it won't be real."
"Hey. Look up at me." Ronnie looked up, tears stinging at the edge of her eyes, and John wiped them away. "You're stuck with me, kid."
"Forever?"
"Forever. But I'm starving. You don't go put your backpack in your room, I'm leaving you here until I get back from dinner."
That finally drew a laugh from Ronnie. "Okay. I'll be back." She looked back and saw Dean leaning against the car. "Um, Dean and I already went out for pizza…"
"Then I guess our trip will be to the bakery."
"Back in a flash!"
As Ronnie grabbed her backpack and ran upstairs to put it in her room, John found his mind and heart racing. The truth was that he had been considering adopting Ronnie since the first week he'd lived with her, but he'd gone back and forth on the decision. Now, it felt right.
"Dad?"
"Yeah, Dean?"
"You did good." Dean said. "I'm proud of you."
John nodded. "Thanks."
"Come on, come on, let's go!" Ronnie said, running back outside and over to John's truck.
John laughed. "You want to go get Lisa and Ben? My treat."
"You said the magic words. We'll meet you there."
It was so quick that John was certain he imagined it. He'd never been sentimental when it came to the afterlife. He'd spotted his wife Mary a few times after she'd died, but mostly when he was in a drunken haze. Right now, though he was completely sober, and standing a few feet away, just beside the tailgate of his truck, was a smiling Sam giving him a thumbs up. In the next breath, he was gone.
"Thanks, son."
Six months to the day later, John and Ronnie sat in the local courthouse. Dean, Lisa, Ben, and Gil sat behind them. Even Mona, whose condition was deteriorating, had become friends with Ronnie again and was sitting in the far corner of the courtroom. The judge had officiated the adoption and was in the process of signing the final paperwork.
Everything was perfect.
And it all came crashing down.
The door to the courthouse opened. A somewhat disheveled looking older woman walked in, and Ronnie immediately shrunk back against John. The woman looked familiar to John, but he never got the chance to ask who she was. A man stepped in and stepped beside the older woman.
"Excuse me! Who are you and why are you interrupting my courtroom?"
"Apologies, your honor. My name is Matthew Klein. I'm a family court attorney."
"That doesn't answer my initial question, Mr. Klein. What are you doing here?"
"My client here violently opposes this adoption, your honor. She's here to sue for custody from the state."
"Then she's too late. I'm about to officiate this adoption. Mr. Winchester is, for all intents and purposes, Miss Wells' father."
"But you have yet to sign the paperwork, am I correct, your honor?"
The judge, slightly annoyed at the technicality, asked again, "Mr. Klein, if you don't answer my question, I'll be holding you in contempt. For the last time, who is your client to think she has a claim to sue for custody?"
"I'm her grandmother, your honor. My name is Delores Wells."