« The change in your voice was the worst part.
I saw your face change, I saw distance settle slowly. I saw your body getting far away from mine. I felt your soul giving up on mine. I heard the crack in your voice. I heard it getting colder, and now, I can say it. The change in your voice was the worst part. It used to be warm, around you, you know. It used to be safe. Back in time, I was looking for it, being around you. But all of sudden, you lost all your warmth. Coldness replaced it, almost softly. I was standing there, watching you. I wish I said a word. But I didn't. I fell silent, and watched you turn your back. I saw your feet guiding you through the door, without even looking back. I wish I could say my heart broke, at that moment. But it didn't. Certainly, it felt like I was dying. But a second later, I realized I was still there. Painfuly, I was there. And you know what ? I'll never blame you for this. You did what you had to. You made your choice, Tim. And you damn thought about it. You had time, Tim. You had time to turn around, to look through my eyes. You had time to say simple words. You used to be good for apologizes. But I never heard one of them, since. You had your chance. So, why ? Why are you here ? And tell me, why would I give you another one, when I left you plenty of them ? I won't blame you. But I'll never blame myself either. You didn't took your chance, and that doesn't matter. After all, it has never mattered before. So why now, Tim ? Why coming back when it's too late ? »
Her gaze was holding his. For a moment, silence settled. Months ago, her eyes would have been sparkly. Tears would be running down her pinkish cheeks. Her skin would darken as the mascara'd be tinting its path. She saw his mouth opening for a second. She wanted him to talk. Slowly, her hand covered his, caressing gently his skin with the tip of her fingers. Her eyes shut, and she murmured. « I wish I could understand you. » She paused, and then looked at him again. « But I don't, Tim. I don't anymore. And I'm not going to find you an excuse. It's over, Tim. And it is since a long time. Don't ever forget you were the one to walk away. You left, and I forgave you. Believe me when I tell you there is no angst in me. I wish I could do this. I wish I could just forget, and give it a try. Begining again from where you left, like nothing happened. But Tim, we're not in a damn movie. There is no fiction. You left. You left, and I never intended to wait for you. »
He watched her mouth moving, not understanding a word that was coming out. His mind refused to believe a word. He coudln't agree to see his world crumble. Suddenly, he couldn't remember. Why did he left ? His mind became the largest forest in the world. He was exploring by night, without a light. He couldn't see anything. Voices came from nowhere, the moon shined bright. She seemed so far, and so soft. He would swear, he saw her smile. This was now his turn, to shut his eyes. His fingers captured hers, to interwine. He looked in her emerald eyes, and whispered. « Tell me you loved me. » She chuckled. Coming closer, she squeezed his hand in hers. « It doesn't matter, Tim. » His grip became harder on her, and his voice raised a bit. « I need you to answer, Abigail. » A shiver ran through her spine. He knew, how she hated to hear that from him. Sometimes, it had brought tears to her eyes. But right now, she felt empty. Her heart ached a bit, but it was nothing compared to what she experienced at his loss. « I loved you. I loved you with all my heart. No, I couldn't give you children. No, I wouldn't have marry you. But I was ready to stay. To settle, for what seemed like a life to me. No, I wouldn't have moved in. But yes, I would have held you every night. I would have told you how much you mattered, how much I loved you. But it wasn't enough for you, Tim. You wanted more, you wanted too much from me. » He sighed, his eyes filled with tears. He coudln't let them fall. He coudln't let them run down his skin, tracing a burning path. Once again, he whispered softly, giving up on her hand. « I'm sorry. »
She stood up. Just when he thought she was about to leave, she came closer. She placed her chair just next to him. Her hand rested on his tight. His head turned a bit, to look at her face. She had such a soft face. She looked just like a girl from a movie. The main character. And he wasn't. He was the backside character. And even when he had the chance, he let her slip through his fingers. Emerald sparkly eyes, lips tinted red. He remembered how smooth her skin was, when he used to touch her. How privileged he was, without even noticing. He kept asking like a child. He kept wanting more, without ever realizing that she was already giving him all she had. Children, marriage. That wasn't a real goal. He convinced himself it was. He tried to get her.
« Don't be sorry, Tim. I knew you would leave. I agreed to put myself in it. Happy endings are always in movies, you know. Maybe you watched too much of them. Maybe it got in your head. But you know, whether you die, or you end up hurt. Yes, you hurt me. Maybe it's your time to be hurt. I don't truly believe life if always fifty fifty. I'm over it. And you will be too, soon. But tell me, why now ?
- Because. Now is better than never. I've missed you, Abby. I've truly missed you. But I kept telling myself you couldn't offer me what I needed. I guess I just didn't needed what I kept asking. You know what they say. Women suffer the most, during the first months. Once they get over it, men realize their loss. I had all a man could dream about. And I thought it wasn't enough. It was like a blindfold had been on through my whole life. And I took it off, just after so many years. I'm sorry. I truly am. »
She stood up, a little smile on her face. She kissed his cheek, and then left without a word. Her hips swayed walking through the door. Silently, he watched her back disappear. A thought hit him. She had warned him that one day, she would leave. And while he was certain to be the one who left for good, there she stood, walking out. She left. She left, like he never thought she would.