And so doth the law of Puberty go out the window...
[Or the chapter where Kaye begins to understand that sometimes growing up in tiny overcast towns is more hazardous then living on the streets of East L.A. or any burrow of New York-particularly the Boogie Down Bronx circa 1976 (1)...wow...this was a really long intro!]
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Spiffy cool phrase and or quote before the prologue that is supposed to give off the feeling that there is more depth to the story then what there really is thus creating a false sense security that what you are reading will be good and curiosity, because you have to know what makes it good only for the inevitable disappointment that sets in as you find that the awesome poem and or quote was the best part...(2):
"When I read it I was convinced Stephanie was convinced she was Bella and it was like it was a book that wasn't supposed to be published. It was like reading her sexual fantasy, especially when she said it was based on a dream and it was like, 'Oh I've had this dream about this really sexy guy,' and she just writes this book about it. Like some things about Edward are so specific, I was just convinced, like, 'This woman is mad. She's completely mad and she's in love with her own fictional creation.' And sometimes you would feel uncomfortable reading this thing."
-Robert Pattinson (3)
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Prologue to the chapter... (4)
As I sat there, contemplating the turn of events that had taken place in my life, I couldn't help but nearly weep at the sight before me. I had never seen anything so vastly unique in my entire seventeen years of existence.
His skin was opalescent, gleaming in the soft sun light with what appeared to be thousands of tiny jewels encrusted in his marble skin completely offsetting his glimmering bronze colored eyes. His pale pink lips parted in his irrefutable crooked grin that set my heart racing and then he began to speak.
"This is what a monster really looks like Kaye." He lifted his head making his angular face glimmer. "Are you afraid?"
My mouth opened, closed and then opened again as my heart continued to race...
"Yes I'm afraid. For every gay man in Washington you stole glitter from you thief! Damn it Edward Cullen, I told you that kidnapping me on my days off was a strict NO FUCKING WAY didn't I?" yes my heart raced-in annoyance.
The "vampire" in front of me frowned for a fraction of a second as he meandered through the tall grass of the meadow. "Oh Kaye, don't you seen I can never listen to your rules, I can't help myself where you're concerned...you're like a drug to me. My very own brand of hero-" He tripped over a rock. "Oomph!"
There was awkward silence for at least several seconds as my internal monologue began its cackles. I placed my hands on both my hips and hid my smiling face by tilting my head as he collected himself from the ground, pieces of loose grass and leaves sticking to his product murdered hair.
"What were you trying to say, you know about me being a drug."
"Well it won't sound cool now. Now I look like an idiot."
I reached up and pat his head softly as I could, shaking as I began to really laugh.
"Well shit Eddie it's a little late for that. I already knew you were an idiot!"
End Prologue
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Kaye hadn't been to a beach like this in her entire life. As a Florida girl Kaye had often been to beaches and at an early age had been accustomed to seeing people half naked in tiny bikinis, one piece suits and even hairy chested men in Speedos as they waddled through the hot Florida sun into the slightly chilled blue waters.
Beaches in Forks Washington-or rather La Push, seemed to completely derail anything that she had ever been used to. The water looked a bit murky due to the gray clouds on a normal over cast day and much less inviting then Daytona, Cocoa or Miami Beach. People walked bundled up in their jackets and thick pants and shoes along the shoreline.
It was like nothing she had ever seen before.
"This is too weird." She mumbled to Bella who had an arm looped through Mike's. They were walking along the shoreline as cold gusts of wind hit their backs.
"What?"
"This is so not a beach!" She said. "This is...I don't know what this is."
"What are you talking about?" Mike asked looking over Bella's head. His nose was turned a shade of pink from the frigid air.
"This beach is so weird."
"Oh I get you." He said. "I'm a California boy. Believe me, when I first moved here eight years ago I thought the same thing."
Bella nodded in agreement. Since the three of them weren't originally from Forks (Bella didn't really count since she was raised elsewhere) they could talk comfortably about how strange it could be without insulting anyone.
Well, Kaye really didn't care if she insulted anyone anyway-it was more for Bella and Mike's sake that she kept her thoughts to herself and to them.
And Stalker Cullen-she didn't give a damn how insulting her words were around him. In fact she usually bumped up the vulgarity to make his "gentleman" like qualities gape in horror. He had even called her a brute once...
That was always fun!
They walked from the shoreline up the beach people watching as they went. There was a bonfire where some of the native teenagers sat around and joked. It looked warm, Kaye thought.
"Bella!"
A tall bulky youth with creamy russet skin and long dark hair jogged towards Kaye, Bella and Mike. There was a smile on his face showing off two rows of perfect white teeth.
Kaye tried not to notice Mike's stiff posture or the fact that his arm now rested snuggly around Bella's waist. 'Oh here we go...'
"Jake. Hey, what's up? You know anabolic steroids are..."
Jake interrupted her with a barking laugh that set his whole face alight with complete boyish charm. "Roids joke, huh? Heard it all before but, Bella I'm a bit disappointed in you. I always pegged you for original."
She giggled up at him. "Well I'm having an off day." She said with a shake of her head.
Jake smiled, looked at the hand on her waist then to Mike.
"I can see that."
'Oh no he didn't!'
Kaye, who was never quiet by nature sat back and watched the epic battle of testosterone that flared between the two boys from their eyes. It seemed like Bella just didn't get it either.
"Hey Bella, who's your friend." It wasn't phrased as a question and the word friend was laced with the undertone of "that's all you'll ever be" with a dash of "she's mine". Though Bella didn't seem to notice or hear the soft yet threatening growl emitting from Jake. Kaye had to suppress a giggle.
"Oh, yeah, guys this is Jacob Black. My dad knows his dad ergo I know Jake." She said in her usual voice of awkward disinterest. "Jake this is Mike Newton an-"
"I got it!" Kaye stuck out her hand with a bright smile as he shook it firmly-the guy was running really hot in temperature. "The names Katarina Merope Winchester but call me Kaye. Calling me Katarina will get your balls mashed like carrots."
"You mash carrots?" He asked amused.
"I might."
He shook his head, obviously distracted from Mike long enough for the blond to discreetly weasel Bella's hand in his, lacing the fingers nicely. Hey, Kaye thought, Jake seems like a nice guy but Mike's been putting up the effort.
"So, Jacob," Mike said smoothly with a smirk on his lips at the expression Jake now wore. He was staring at Bella and Mike's interlaced fingers like they were a bear trap. "are you on a date? I mean, I assume you have a girlfriend."
Kaye bit her lip trying not to laugh.
Bella looked disinterested.
Mike had an expression that shouted "I'm the king of the fucking world and you, jester, lick my shoes!"
And Jake, well, he looked stumped.
"No, I'm not on a date. I was actually here with some friends. Wanted to know if you'd like to join, but since you all seem so busy-" He glared at the hands. "then I'll just be on my way."
Kaye watched his broad back as he walked towards the bonfire. Something in her squeezed uncomfortably, was it heart burn?
Huh? You guys though it might be guilt?
No. Kaye doesn't feel sorry for Jacob Black. She's Team Mikella (5)
"You should go with him Kaye."
"Huh?"
"You should go with him. You know, get to know new people, make new friends that may or may not help you to get your stalker off your back." Mike was smiling warmly but his eyes were shouting "go please I wanna go on a date with Bella!"
The things she did in the name of friendship.
Oh man, she was sounding like a Yu-Gi-Oh character and not any of the cool ones.
"Yeah I guess I could just hang out...with Jake! I...mean I should...get to know people...right?"
"Yeah that'd be good." Bella agreed completely disregarding Kaye's awkward dialogue. From behind her Mike was silently cheering and giving Kaye his thumbs up probably promising to erect a statue in her honor. "I mean, the only people you know are Mike and I. Jake's a good guy. You'd get along." She turned to Mike who quickly gained his composure before she realized something was wrong. "Right Mike?"
"Yep. It's why I offered the idea. For Kaye's benefit and all. Not for me or anything. To get you alone." He nervously laughed.
Bella still didn't get it.
"I'm pretty sure Jake could give you a ride home. I mean, unless you'd be nervous and all. You're kind of shy right?"
It was things like this that Kaye loved about Bella. The girl was so naïve.
"It's alright...you have fun...I know...I...will?"
"Great! Mike and I will see you later."
The girl also couldn't read the atmosphere if it were a giant pink elephant on roller blades.
As she watched them walk off Kaye began to think of all sorts of things to do alone at the beach only to come up with the conclusion that things she normaly did in beaches were not even remotely possible or healthy-why swim in freezing ocean water?
She walked towards the group of males and found Jake sitting with his back turned away from the fire. He was looking in the direction that Mike and Bella had walked off from.
"So, they ditch you?"
"Not really. I just decided to uh...meet new people." She sat beside him ignoring the howling laughter from the boys behind her. "So...new person...tell me about yourself!"
Jake lifted a thick dark brow his liquid black eyes were dull and angry mostly at Mike, maybe at himself. Kaye really didn't give a shit; she just wanted a way out of boredom.
"I'm in love with a completely oblivious girl whose blond idiot boyfriend I wouldn't mind murdering and mounting his head like a dear in my living room." He turned to Kaye. "You?"
"Oh well I was just gonna ask what your favorite color was but that's ok too. I mean, I love hearing angsty stories about all the men in love with Belle-Buggy...without them then where would my source of entertainment be?"
"Belle-Buggy?"
"Nickname."
"Right." He rolled his broad shoulder; the movement looked like a wave of under his black sweater. "So, there are other guys in love with her."
"Too many to count and too many to put on your hit list compadre."
"Can I ask you something?"
"Yeah sure."
"Are you the girl whose been beating Cullen senseless with a frying pan?"
"That'd be me." She said with a soft smile. "Also, if you haven't heard, I've got great aim. Just the other day when Ed-Stalker popped out from behind a tree I threw this text book at him and it got him in the nuts." She said with a smile...ah...that had been a good day. "I don't mean to brag but...I am good!"
The rest of the afternoon found Kaye telling Edward beating stories around a campfire with all the native boys watching and laughing in total hilarity.
Oddly, some of them howled.
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"You stink."
"Well hello to you to." Kaye shut the door with a slam. She slid the lock in place with a loud sigh. 'Why is he here all the time?'
"Because I'm protective of you, also, you never clean up after yourself. I was just about to clean the bathroom by the way."
The sight of Edward Cullen in a yellow with pink ruffled apron and a pink bandana with yellow stars would be ingrained into Kaye's mind forever.
"You are so my bitch." She said as Edward pulled on thick yellow rubber gloves and proceeded to walk into the bathroom with a spray bottle and a bucket filled with rags.
"Yes well, as crude as that is..." He started on the bathtub first. "I still want to know why you smell so bad."
"Do I really stink?" She sniffed under her arms. "I can't smell anything."
"That's because a human's senses can't pick it up." His head poked out the bathroom. "You smell like wet dog."
"What the fuck?"
"There's meatloaf in the oven. It'll be ready in a few minutes."
Kaye walked over to the refrigerator and rummaged for a canned tea.
"Hey Stalker?"
"Yes darling?" Edward head poked out of the bathroom again giving her a pointed glare. "Don't call me that."
"Did you go grocery shopping?"
"I did. Also, I picked up the dry cleaning, did some of the laundry by hand..." She pointedly blanched for lack of ability to blush-he must be talking about her panties and bras. "...returned your library books and paid the rent."
"And you...cooked."
"And I cooked."
Kaye shook her head is exasperation. 'What is with this guy?'
"You are sooo my bitch."
"Crude!"
"You're like, the perfect wife." Kaye said as she peeked into the stove. "Seriously. Meatloaf and..." she observed the other plates. "Mashed potatoes and gravy. String beans?"
He appeared right beside her in a flash no longer donning the gloves but still wearing the ridiculous apron and bandana. "Does this mean you love me?" He had a hopeful grin.
"No. It just means that you're my bitch."
"..."
"Oh don't look so disappointed. I haven't hit you yet! That should make you happy."
"I suppose." He shook his head. "The things I go through..."
"Yeah okay. You done with the bathroom?"
He nodded.
"Good. I'm gonna take a bath before dinner, brat." She said. "I'm beat and apparently...stinky."
"I already prepared the bath for you." Edward said handing her a folded towel and a small wash cloth. "Salt rocks are in already, lavender candles lit. Incense is burning and a tape of 90's romantic ballads is already in the CD player." He bowed slightly. "Enjoy."
"..." Kaye took the offered items awkwardly. "Wow...you are my bitch."
"Stop calling me that!"
"Ok fine...but, does this make you my wife? Are you even really a man?"
"Maybe..." There was an awkward silence for a moment before the timer in the kitchen dinged. Edward just shook his head, confusion set in his face. "I don't know anymore."
- Intermission Time!
[This is where I answer all your questions...oh that's right...no ones' reviewed this except Lila (the first reviewer), Anonymous (the second reviewer), 0lovely blossom0 (who reviewed 3 times) and Tinnael (who also reviewed)...]
That's four people who like this story-thanks awesome people who read my story!
- Intermission time over!
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Time Skip no Jutsu!
(Or what I'd like to call one month later)
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"My family is going to play a baseball game later today. Would you like to come?"
"Hell no! I know this part there is no way...I mean sorry sugar cakes. I promised uh...I promised Jessica and Lauren that I would be...shopping with them today."
"But you hate shopping, you hate Jessica and Lauren and you hate going out."
"Hate is a very strong word and besides...uh...I'm feeling adventurous today!"
"Why are you singing a Spice Girls song in your head? Are you trying to hide something from me? And did you call me sugar cakes? Does that mean you may finally be succumbing to my courtship?"
"One, the Spice Girls were kick ass! Two, I am always trying to hide my thoughts from you and three...if it will allow you to leave me alone for today then sure, why not...honey bunch..."
Pacified Edward kissed her cheek; she had the sudden urge to wallop him across his grinning face with her Frying Pan of Death ™ -called Carlo, but held still. If she hit him now he might not leave or worse-he might kidnap her.
She hated when he did that!
"Now I'll see you tomorrow alright, love?" He had a stupidly hopeful face, the kind that a kicked puppy might give you. "You will be here tomorrow, right?"
"A promise from my black little heart, Sugar hips!" She felt her teeth rotting in her head. "See you tomorrow." She gave him a wink and he nearly swooned.
Once he was gone Kaye waited exactly seven minutes before calling Jake. The boy would be coming over to have a guys night out in which they would pig out, watch bad eighties horror movies and possibly prank call Mike.
"Sucker..."
With Edward the pain in my ass Cullen gone she would be able to relax like a normal human being.
Plus she remembered from the movie that it was during a rainy baseball playing day that the three nomadic vampires showed up and caused a ruckus.
There was no way Kaye would put herself in that kind of danger willingly just to make fun of prancing baseball playing pixies no matter how tempting.
"Now...time to make the dip..."
- (One day later)
"You're cheating on me!"
"It's not cheating if we aren't together and last I checked we weren't. Plus, Jake's two years younger then me! There is no way that I would mess around with him he's just a friend you fucking crazy lunatic!"
BAM!
"Damnit Kaye! Why do you always have to resort to violence?"
BAM!!
"Don't curse at me you sparkling fruit! Who in the hell do you think you are to order me around and question me anyway? Do you think you're God?"
"I prefer to be called Edward thank you very much you conniving cheating jezebel!"
"What the shit did you just call me? Did you just call me a whore?"
BAM!BAM!BAM! (This was in rapid succession so you gotta read it fast to get into it.)
"Ow! Yes, yes I did! How could you do it?"
BAM!!!
"Damn it!"
BAM!!!! (the frying pan to the head)
SMACK!!!!! (toaster across the face)
KICK!!!!!! (To the dangly bits)
"How could you cheat on me with a werewolf of all things?!" (All said in squeaky high voice)
"..."
"Kaye, can you please put down the microwave? Not that it will cause serious damage to my head or anything, though it would hurt, the thing is...it was really expensive."
"..."
"Kaye?"
"He's a what now?"
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Karin:Not as funny as previous chapters. It's hard work I tell you! Anyway, for those who want any more characters bashed then review please (smiles like an idiot) I really like reviews!
Anyway-just to answer, no Kaye is not falling for Edward. Her niceness to him isn't niceness at all. She's just getting used to him.
(1) (Note that before you get insulted I have lived, at one point, in both places and this is not in anyway to insult anyone who lives there)
(2) (And yes this was a direct hit on the book because I've just tried to re read it for giggles and found that the Genesis 2:17 snippet was the best part of the book. Sorry Twilight fans.)
(3) (It's an actual quote. He actually said it and apparently has been quoted saying worse about Twilight and Edward-whom he really doesn't like, I shit you not-)
(4) (Because there's always a prologue in every twilight book that totally gives away the high point of what it is about take place...seriously...I think that the books could have done without them...but that's just me...)
(5) I'm not any twilight team. Mikella is Kaye's team (I made up the name BTW). Why? Because she's friends with both. She knows Mike's feelings and is rooting for him to gain Bella's affections. I personally don't have a team and if I did it would be Team Human. Why? Because I think Bella(non my story Bella but the actual book and movie Bella) shouldn't be in a relationship until she's old enough and altruistic enough to appreciate a normal guy with faults...wow I think I just ranted.
Review and No flames!
I update with reviews, sorry I just do!