Love Triangles are so last year!

[Part 2 to Wackadoo]

Wow...that totally rhymed!

-

Because I think there should be another prologue...can you even call these prologues anymore? They didn't even start at the beginning of the story? Oh wait...yeah sorry for the babbling go on!

-

Cold hands slid down the smooth expansion of a lily white back tracing the slight curve of shoulder blade with careful ministration.

"Right there brat. That's where it hurts."

"Well," Edward kneaded the area with a bit more pressure still being as careful as he could as he leaned forward; he was seated on Kaye's back side as the girl beneath him purred. "It wouldn't hurt if you had not been walking backwards."

"Well how was I supposed to know that pole was there?"

"By not walking backwards."

"Whatever, slave. I demand less talky more rubbing." Her nose scrunched in indignation.

"That has sexual undertones."

"Only if you take it there and I swear to all that is good, decent and caffeine in this world that I will end you if you even so much as try." She let out a puff of air. "Ow...damn it. That is the last time I walk backwards and talk at the same time. No good can ever come of that."

Edward chuckled as he continued the massage. The girl was something else, he had to admit, and he wondered why he still stuck around. She was violent, she was crude and messy. She had no appreciation for what he did for her or his feelings.

Yes, he admitted, sometimes he did come on strong. But he had stopped following her.

"Hey Eddie?"

"Yes Kaye?"

"I know this is gonna sound really weird and all, and I know I shouldn't listen to anything Mike says because he's completely stupid sometimes but...do you think I've put on a little weight?"

There was an awkward silence and then nothing. Kaye felt no weight on her persons whatsoever. She lifted her head and angled it so that she could get a partial view behind her to find no Ed-Stalker. "Brat?"

She sat up, holding a pillow to her chest. The apartment was fairly small; he was no where in sight.

"Stalker?"

She made her way to the bathroom. He wasn't there although for some odd reason the toilet seat was up.

'Can he even use the bathroom?'

She made her way back to her bed where she noted, the window was opened and the curtains were blowing in the breeze in a very creepy cliché action. She sat on her bed and poked her stomach. A little soft, not too bad but her stomach was definitely not as hard as it was before.

"Huh...no wonder the idiot left. It was either tell the truth and get hit or flee. Finally those self preservation instincts kicked in and all this time I thought he was slow." She flopped back onto her bed, her back aching almost immediately. "Damn it! My back hurts!"

- END PROLOGUE-


-

Bella was banging her head against the table top.

It was all that she could keep from doing, to not kill herself just to hide. Prom was fast approaching and Mike had gotten the idea to invite her of all people. No matter how many times she had said no he seemed to brush it off with a smile-not say anything for a few days and then;

"Bella, go to prom with me."

"...how'd you get in my house?"

He would smile bashfully, just like right now and Charlie would look down at his newspaper guiltily trying to ignore the piercing gaze from his daughter. Something inside of him praying that she never gained laser vision.

"So Bella, what do you say?"

"Uh..."Bella wondered in the back of her mind, if Kaye was going through anything like this. Then she remembered that Kaye was being stalked by Edward Cullen. What Mike was doing was probably child's play.

-

"Ok seriously. I'm in the bathtub, I'm winding down from a long idiot (that means you Edward) filled day and I'm listening to my music...why the hell are you doing a repeat of chapter 3?"

"Prom's coming up." He stuck two fingers in the bath automatically sending the steaming water into slightly chilled. Kaye splashed his face with sudsy water and giggled.

"and...?" She teased.

"I want to go."

"Then go." She didn't skip a beat.

Her inner voice, which sounded suspiciously like Belle-Buggy, noted that she was becoming far too comfortable being naked around someone who wasn't Byron-who had, before Edward, been the only person to ever seen her naked. She pushed the thought aside. Edward might as well be labeled a woman.

The views he had, the general bashfulness of the 'adult' world and his motherly instincts. All of these things about him made it alright to be naked around. He wouldn't look at her if he didn't have to. Something in her clenched painfully. For all the easiness of this book world, for all the glamour placed upon being a vampire-the general tragedy remained.

Edward would never know what it means to be a man, even if he lived until forever. Something's you learn as the body ages and his would never change. Growing old and decrepit never seemed like much of a good thing but now that she was seeing something like this, now that she saw him and his siblings something in her ached because no matter the glamour they were given they would never be anything more then children

Forever.

What kind of crack was the author on when she began this story? None of this was beautiful, enviable or lovely. It was tragic, it was sick and demeaning. It was also as close to an Ann Rice novel as one could get...only really watered down and a lot less good in fact, from what Christy had said, the Twilight series had sucked-hard.

It was still sad though. Of course it was.

'And why the hell are you analyzing everything you wackadoo?'

Edward leaned back, his hands resting firmly on the pink tile behind him his long legs lying straight, his left foot nervously swaying. Edward threw his head back, his bronze colored eyes focusing on the vent.

'He said he used to have green eyes like his mom.'

"You're becoming rather empathic." He said. "You sympathize with what I am." He grinned. "I think I love you more-I think I'm wearing you down too."

"Shut up, brat. You'll never wear me down-and stop reading my mind you brain rapist." She growled. Sometimes she would be nice to him and sympathize with him and even try to treat him a little better...

...and he always screwed it up by opening his mouth and letting the narcissism and stupidity seep from his lips. It was during times like these that she wished she could kill him without feeling guilty, you know. Human life and all that-even if he wasn't technically human and already sort of dead.

"Have you said everything that you wanted to say? Yeah? Good." She sighed heavily, lying back against the tub. "You want mommy's permission to go to the dance? I set you free. You can even have a date. Jessica probably wouldn't mind that you have zero personality. I mean hers in the negatives. You might actually be good company to someone for once."

"You never disappoint," He laughed. "I was actually inquiring about your plans on the day of."

"No way in hell bitch face."

He was still laughing and by the look in his eyes, it seemed like something finally occurred to him. Kaye would rather die then admit that his laughter sounded pleasant. 'Stupid dazzle powers.'

"You know, Katarina, you make it sound as though you have a choice."

"...are you implying something? I think you are and I think you're wrong."

"Kaye, you are going to prom with me, you will dance and you will have a splendid time. Why must you be so difficult?"

"...excuse me?"

-

Edward hadn't seen frying pan coming and it took him an indefinite amount of time to actually understand why his head was in the bathtub when he came to. It wasn't as though he could pass out, he couldn't sleep but the blow to the side of his face sent him spiraling into something similar to unconsciousness.

On the counter by the sink he found white jagged pieces that seemed to move the closer he got. He brought his hand up to the side of his face finding jagged marks.

"At least she picked up the pieces..." he thought as he reattached the shards to his face grimacing from the burn as they began to heal. "Now...where did she go?"

He stumbled out of the bathroom, grasping the doorframe as he slightly wobbled. Kaye had put all of her strength into that swing and boy did she pack a wallop when she was angry!

"Kaye?"

Nothing.

"Kaye, I'm sorry for threatening to kidnap you, again. I promise that if you accompany me to prom I will leave you alone for a week."

Still not a word.

"Kaye?"

What caught his attention immediately was the note. Of course this was after he had scaled the city and found no trace of her three hours later that he did find it. It was a regular rectangular piece of paper stuck to the refrigerator.

It seemed to make him believe that he was in a nightmare that maybe, somehow Kaye had killed him and now he had descended to hell.

[Brat,

Don't touch my stuff while I'm gone. Don't call me either and don't track me. Yeah, you didn't think I'd figure that out about the phone huh? Whatever, I forgive you. Wanna know why? Because you're gonna be a good little boy and leave me the hell alone until I get back. Anyway, I'm leaving town, won't be back till the day after prom.

And don't think you can weasel it out of Belle-Buggy. She's gone too.

Au revoir Glitterpire!

-The Awesome Kaye]

"..."

About three things Edward was absolutely positive.

First, Kaye had given him the slip.

Second, there was a part of him- and he didn't know how dominant that part might be- that was seriously considering stomping his foot like an impertinent child.

And third, he was unconditionally and irrevocably certain that without him, somehow someway there would be trouble.

Why, you may ask?

Well the answer Edward would give would be a simple one, an explanation that would leave you too filled a bit with worry for you see: Isabella Swan and Katarina Winchester alone-on a road trip (the most likely conclusion) - alone.

So you see his irritation.

'But wait, Kaye wasn't an idiot. They had probably taken Mike along with them.'

They would be alright then.

But there was bound to be some sort of trouble or...or...

'what if she meets some man and he takes advantage of her? What if he takes her innocence with out her permission? Doesn't she know that it is reserved for my taking after she and I are wed?' Of course he hadn't gotten around to asking for Kaye's hand but he was working his way there, he really was.

His world turned some odd opaque color that he didn't recognize.

He almost felt his heart beat-which considering Edward himself, was probably impossible. Most likely just metaphorical-no feeling actually attached to his heart but to his "heart".

Sometimes he could be so silly and dramatic. One thing about him that no one really knew was that Edward was rather easily distracted. At the moment he began thinking about his heart and about his internal organs.

Aren't they rotted inside him? Wouldn't that mean that every time he opened his mouth then the smell would seep out of him?

He was brought back from his musings when he looked back at the slip of paper in his hands. Something screamed at him, dramatically again, that something bad was going to happen in the form of...

'What if she's with Jacob Black?!?'

He fell to his knees and let out a blood curdling (dramatic) scream.

-

Sam Uley had just gotten off patrol. Emily was already asleep so he had to be extra quiet when entering the house. He slipped the screen door opened with ease, sliding it back with a low sigh. He meandered through the kitchen, walking carefully around the table.

Perfect silence.

He made his way to the stairs, carefully taking one at a time. He winced some of the steps lightly creaked, but the noise wasn't enough to wake her up.

'So far so good.'

He made it to the landing and from where he stood he could see the bedroom door was opened. The bed where Emily slept peacefully and suddenly Sam felt so exhausted.

He tiptoed towards the door, the hall never seemed so long before but then Sam had always thought this on any night he returned from patrol. He tried his hardest not to look at any of the pictures of Emily's family finding that most had Emily and Leah together.

He still felt incredibly guilty about that.

Once inside the room he tried to deaden the sounds of his steps as he made his way around the bed. Emily could be angry all she wanted in the morning. He wasn't going to remove his shorts if his life depended on it that would take up too much energy.

Lifting the sheets carefully Sam eased himself on the bed. In his sitting position he let out a sigh of relief, Emily hadn't woken up; the hardest part would be to get comfortable-

And then there was a scream coming from the distance a whisper in the wind coming in through the opened window.

"Sam?"

Whisper or not, it was enough to wake up Emily.

"...damn it..."

-

Leah Clearwater was nineteen years old, newly single (don't remind her of it or she'll kill you), was incredibly beautiful (don't say that to her either she hates that) and just as snarky as Kaye on a good day-which meant she was permanently in a foul mood.

"Tell me again why I am even talking to you?"

"Well, I offered to buy lunch."

"Yeah?"

"And I promised to get you off the rez so I took you away from Sam."

"And?"

"I need someone to help me drag my brother back to the house and also, someone who has no qualms keeping his mouth shut with violence."

And like Kaye, Leah loved hurting annoyingly serene pretty people particularly Edward Cullen whom she had the displeasure of meeting the month before. It went a little something like this:

"Leech."

"Bitch."

PUNCH!

And Edward was left a pile of pain on the ground of the meadow, a perfect spidery crack to his marble white face. Sure he knew it was bad to make fun of someone and honestly he hadn't. It occurred to Leah later that he was calling her by what she was.

A female dog.

"So will you help me?"

Meeting Alice Whitlock (Leah refused to call her by the doctors name stating that it was weird since she was married) had been a little less violent and a lot more annoying.

It was during one of the rare moments that I accompanied Jacob on his little rendezvous with the Swan girl or rather the oblivious to Jacob's feelings Swan girl. She was seated in her living room as her blond boyfriend glared daggers at Jacob.

And Jacob had been doing quite the impression of a wet cat.

Kaye, who was trying her best to take Mike's attention away from Jacob (though Leah wasn't that stupid and realized that Kaye had spent a significant amount of time looking at Jacob too-and not the glaring kind of look) she had deposited herself onto the couch and began to watch the big screen ignoring the ostentatious amount of unrequited love in the room-of which all they needed was the other Cullen and then it would be a party.

It would then become the Wackadoo Love Pentagon (haha chapter name!)

All this staring longingly and glaring with murderous intention had been wearing her down. Jacob had apparently had enough and excused himself. From what Leah knew Jacob had gone through the most change out of anyone there. Apparently, apart from becoming a giant wolf he had lost the girl he'd been in love with since he was a kid to a normal guy and it just bugged him, which he voiced quite often.

To that Leah would tell him to suck it up and then add "well think of it this way at least it isn't with a bloodsucker."

When Kaye had heard that at one time or another she had doubled over in laughter calling the whole thing incredibly ironic. Even if no on understood why, they laughed with her.

Once Jacob was outside Leah began to look at him too-not that she would ever admit to anyone but, as soon as Jacob had come into the wolf and had cut his hair-all that was left was a pony tail that Kaye had immediately stolen- Leah had to admit that he was very good looking-for a kid.

Just as she was about to get off the couch to follow she caught the scent of leech and what she saw made her blood grow cold, it made Kaye tsk in annoyance and made Mike laugh into his cup.

"Jakey!"

Running small feet, voice like bells and then.

"Gya!" She had jumped clear onto Jacob's back, her white little arms wrapped around his neck in a hug.

"I knew it was you!"

"G-get off me!" He threw her off gently and she landed on her feet with ease. A smile on her pink lips and a glimmer in her bronze colored eyes.

"Aw you threw me away! Jakey's thrown me away!" She shouted in overly drawn whine.

"Can't you ever have a normal entrance that doesn't have you attacking people?"

"I didn't attack anyone."

"Sure, sure. You only just said 'I knew it was you' meaning you weren't entirely sure."

As the two clambered into the house talking a mile a minute Leah had the sudden feeling of jealousy pool in her belly. It didn't take a rocket scientist to see that Kaye was feeling the same thing and worse was that the Swan girl noticed and seemed amused.

"So, Jake, are you going to introduce your friend." Leah hadn't questioned it and later, after the tiny leech had gone Mike would pull her aside and explain that it was almost in the exact fashion that he and Mike had met.

"This is Alice. Ran into her before, you know..." He looked Leah in the eyes and she caught his meaning. Right, before the wolf. "She's a friend of Kaye's and Bells and the sister to Kaye's wife."

"Bite me Jake." This of course was a week before Kaye had admitted to knowing the truth after which she avoided the wolf like the plague.

"It's nice to meet you!"

-

"So are you in for some Edward bashing?" Alice asked sweetly. Her smile was unnerving as it was pretty.

"Sure, when do I start?" Leah wolfed down the rest of her meal. "Where is he?"

"Kaye's apartment." The tiny leech answered. "Oh and how's Jakey? He hasn't called in two days and I'm a little worried."

"Jacob is fine." Leah slammed a few bills onto the table and strolled out of the dinner with the tiny leech following. It occurred to Leah that the Wackadoo Love Pentagon had evolved into something else.

The Heptagon Cluster Fuck of Love...

-

BAM!

"Did you have to hit him with that frying pan so hard?"

"What? You called me to bring him back to your place even if I had to do it with violence. I figure, this way he'd be more willing since I'm pretty sure kicking his ass might almost kill him."

"Oh the phasing and the wolfy strength, I get it."

"Get his legs would you Alice."

"Like this?"

"Yeah...wow he's passed out."

"No way he can't be. He must be playing dead."

"One way to find out."

BAM!BAM!BAM!

"...will you stop hitting me? Only when Kaye hits me is it acceptable and I think I taste blood..."

"You're awake?"

"Isn't that obvious. Now, wolf girl, you know Kaye you know Isabella. Tell me where they are?"

"Edward, brother, can you please let it drop. She's fine."

"Yeah Leech, they're with Jacob."

"WHAT? She's cheating on me agai-"

CRASH!

"Leah...you broke the microwave on my brother's head."

"Eh, he'll get over it. Now...I say you wait down stairs and I throw him out the window before he gains his bearings. We'll toss him in the trunk."

"...you're evil."

"I prefer to be called Leah, but that's ok too."

"..."

-

"Sam did you hear that? It sounded like a woman screaming."

"I did."

"Is it far away?"

"It sounds like it. Something tells me that Leah might be involved."

"Oh?"

"I pity the poor man she is inflicting her violence against."

"Sam!"

"What? You act like you don't even know her."

There was an awkward silence as Emily began dinner and Sam prepared himself for a lengthy meeting, probably without Leah.

-

Karin: Not as funny, I just needed to introduce more people. Anyway, to make up for the dramatics earlier in this chapter I added epic Edward violence and a toss out the window. Leah would do it and Alice would participate. What is up with Jakey and Alice? Absolutely nothing they're friends but Leah and Kaye (a little bit) don't see it that way, it seems. Alice's introduction with Jacob was homage to Kanon-this is the way at one point, Ayu inflicts herself upon Yuichi. And endearing scene if you've seen it and if you have you'd be able to understand why Leah and Kaye (to a degree) were jealous.

This is why it is now The Heptagon Cluster Fuck of Love-only bad things can come of this and then there is Jasper too, if you think about it.

So it might change to an octagon...? I don't know.

Ok time for another Character Bio and keep in mind they are very different from the actual book guys as in these people are...well more likable and less dependant on their loved ones so now that have an actual personality –coughtBellacough.

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Character bio 2

Name: Isabella

Age: 17

Favorite color: varies as she generally likes earth tones like browns and greens so it's never very consistent.

Favorite food: Just about everything except things with coconut. The taste is fine just not the consistency (yes just like Tennessee from Zombieland)

Favorite book: Either Wuthering Heights or Pride and Prejudice. Both hold equal value and love to her.

Personality: Shy, quiet, introverted, ill tempered and incredibly dense. Dangerously clumsy and endearingly sincere, Bella is the definition of the "regular girl" and like Kaye dislikes social outings, large groups and all around girly things. Beautiful in a not in your face way she has many suitors-however she doesn't seem to take notice of any of them. She is dating Mike Newton even though she has yet to realize and sometimes she finds herself inserting her foot in her mouth because she has a tendency to say things before thinking them through. Additionally, Bella doesn't seem to read the atmosphere-like Kaye. It is not that she cannot read the atmosphere it's just that she doesn't bother with it.

She has the ability to bully and frighten anyone into doing whatever she wants (which will come up in later chapters comically). Her character tweak in this story is homage to Russia from Hetalia-which also has this ability. Her lack of interest reading the atmosphere is homage to America from Hetalia . Both these Hetalia-isms actually goes well with her as in she is at constant odds with herself all of the time like her original character in the actual book series Twilight. She finds herself becoming a stronger person due to the people and influences around her. Surprisingly she finds herself disliking Edward the more she gets to know him. Her personal opinion being that the only kind of girl who would willingly put up with him and be his girlfriend would be the type to lie down and do whatever the master says without original thought of her own and a severe lack of personality. This is a bite against the original Bella from the actual Twilight series.

More Character Bio's coming soon!

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Review's make me update faster guys so keep that in mind...even if this was a lousy chapter.