The Road Trip of Infinite Doom
[Or what I call "Jacob hates road maps"]
But really, if you've been on a road trip with a guy more then half of the time he may or may not be able to read the map or want to. You get lost you get a flat on the road to nowhere. Bada bing Bada boom.
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A quote that happened in real life...I am not kidding.
"Sarah, by any chance do you're parents happen to live in Daytona?"
"No Ricky. No they don't, they live in Orlando...Karin...I think you should bring out the map."
"We don't need a map. I am the map-Karin, put the map away!"
"Ricky, I know that while driving violence is definitely a strict no so don't get scared but, um, are we in Daytona?"
"We might be, I'm not to sure. Everything in the area looks Daytona like, oh wait, there's a sign...we aren't in Daytona."
"Good, because I was going to say-my parents are expecting us in about two hours."
"...yeah well you might want to give 'em a call Salamander because..."
"Where are we Ricky?"
"Panama City."
"Damn it, Rick!"
"oops?"
-
They had borrowed the Cullen's SUV, a navy blue number that just shouted "Soccer Mom". It belonged to, of all people Jasper Whitlock. The Chrysler was comfortable with just three people. Ample amounts of space enough for Kaye to lay all the way in the back seat by herself, splayed over it asleep while in the seat in front of her, Bella read a Wuthering Heights for what was probably the umpteenth time in the current month.
Jacob, who had taken it upon himself to drive the girls to their destination, was hunched over the wheel in apparent exasperation. The only music in the car was classical music which he refused to listen to. The only sounds filling the van were the slight snores of Kaye and the flip of a page every twenty seconds.
Snore.
Flip.
Snore. Yawn.
Flip. Flip.
To say that the young werewolf was on the verge of tearing his hair out was an understatement. They'd been on the road for hours, neither of the girls willing to relinquish their comfortable spots for taking over the wheel, oh no. Jake had not only hailed their bags in and begged Sam so that he could accompany him.
He was also lost, so incredibly utterly lost. One would think that with his general know how attitude that he would have at least looked at the map for assistance.
But he wouldn't, he couldn't on some weird point of principal. The map was a last resort that he did not want to use for one. For another, it seemed to be mocking him saying "I have infinite knowledge pup, revere me as I save your worthless flea ridden hide by giving you directions that you should have known anyway, fool."
The map seemed a lot meaner in his head. It kind of sounded like Leah.
"Are we there yet?"
"No Bella-we are not there yet."
Flip.
"Hey Bells, you wanna talk? I think I'm going crazy from all the silence." Yeah, maybe if there was some sort of conversation that he could blame later for being lost then he would be able to avoid the map. Maybe they might get lucky, he might just find the right turn and get them back on the gold path to Bremerton, where they should be headed in the first place.
"Okay, I'll start."
"Shoot."
"We just passed a sign."
Something in him shouted gratefully. He would ask her what it said in a joking fashion that way it wouldn't look too suspicious.
'Go on Jake!'
"Oh yeah? What'd it say?" He asked with a grin only to be met with cold silence. He looked into the rear view for a second and hastily looked back to the road in terror at the expression on Bella's face.
"We're in Oregon Jake. Oregon."
"Uh...I'll just mosey this baby around and-"
But a cool hand firmly grasped his shoulder. It was cold which was strange. Bella was usually very warm. It didn't occur to him that he might be just a little bit more then in trouble with her. Bella hadn't ever been too angry at him before.
"Take out the map Jake. We'll find ourselves a hotel to rest in tonight."
"Look I don't need the map."
He chanced another look again and felt himself grow cold automatically. He reached for the map in less then a second and was peering for directions. Be damned that the map was mocking him.
The look on Bella's face was...he didn't know. She was smiling kindly like normal but there had been a shadow over her eyes, the color in the normal brown had almost been glowing and the sound that came from her mouth-he barely caught it if at all at this point he might have been hallucinating...the silent death threats...
It took another twenty minutes to reach a hotel. By then it was near eleven pm. Bella shook Kaye awake who sat up groggily. "W're 're we?" She mumbled.
"Hotel. Come one."
Kaye would ask later why Jacob was shaking so uncontrollably. She would be further confused after Bella handed her a comic book-only to explain that "I learned a lot about Russia."
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Time Skip to After the Prom!
[The Road Trip was the prologue thing...yet again...]
The name of the chapter is actually called:
Edward and the Con Capers!
- WARNING: COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF COSPLAY, ANIME-NERDISM'S, CROSS-DRESSING, EDWARD'S LOLI-SHOTA FETISH AND SETH CLEARWATER JOINS THE SOS BRIGADE ER-I MEAN THE STORY. THE STORY IS WHAT I MEANT!-
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They called it Sakura-Con. Only in Kaye's dreams had she ever envisioned something as wonderful as this-after all, the only conventions she had ever been to, had to do with cars and really, her dad was the only one who cared for it. No, Kaye would be lying. She did go to Mega-con one year, had met Edward Elric's VA and had glmoped a Kyon cosplayer until he cried.
But that was only once when she was fifteen. As an avid, although secret lover, of anime and manga Kaye had decided to go to Sakura-con and take her friends with her.
"Helloooo!" She greeted loudly, a flourish of her hand and a jump in her step. The gym room where the basket ball team had been practicing had become silent. Mike felt himself shrink back. Something was going to happen something that involved him something embarrassing.
How did he know this?
Well, it wasn't every day that Kaye and strolled into the gym voluntarily. It wasn't every day that she greeted all the boys whose eyes she knew seemed to zone in on her chest.
Because he knew Kaye.
A happy Kaye was a dangerous Kaye.
A Kaye without Edward stalking her meant something bad. Either she had killed him or had frightened him so much he had decided to run away.
"Mike!"
"What?"
"We're going to Sakura-Con!"
"Sa-what?"
He later found himself in the Cullen household, a freezing frozen glass like modernistic palace. Everything was cold here including the inhabitants and it began to dawn on him that there was something very wrong with his Cullen classmates who had begun to sort of, kind of, a little bit...yeah his friend. He could admit it now that he no longer held a grudge against him.
Edward was his friend and Mike being a little more observant the usual began to connect the dots as the rusted gears of his mind began to finally move. Edward was incredibly cold, very strong and pale and...well... he never ate.
"Hey Mike put this on!"
He slipped the blue jacket on staring at himself in the mirror. Mrs. Cullen clapped her hands happily-it seemed that she had hemmed and sewed and fixed all of the costumes. Something in him warmed up seeing her smile.
'Dear God, I think I'm in love with Ed's mother.'
Edward broke into a coughing fit.
"So uh, what is the purpose of wearing this costume?" He tugged on his red tie and stared down at his dark brown pants. "What are we dressing up as?"
"The SOS brigade from the Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya." Edward piped in fixing the yellow head band in his hair. "Gender Bend style."
"Ah. So that's why I'm wearing a lilac wig and glasses right? Who am I supposed to be?"
"I have no idea; I honestly have never seen the show. It was, however Bella's idea. Perhaps you can ask her once she and Kaye return from La Push."
"Why are they in La Push?"
"They are looking for someone that has the essence of Mitsuru Asahina."
"Who?"
"Again I have no idea."
-
It wasn't like it was a mystery to the students. After all, Kaye Winchester seemed to defy all logic. An example would be Edward Cullen's reveal of actual personality, Mike Newton landing the girl for once and getting over on teachers while bashing Edward's face in with Carlo the Frying Pan™.
Even getting the principle to give her permission to wear a costume for the rest of the week wasn't such a big deal (though the boys in school were definitely not complaining about the Japanese high school girl uniform. Some recognized it as a Haruhi Suzumiya costume) Bella was dressed the same. The boys silently rejoiced.
Edward Cullen and Mike Newton had been dragged into dressing up for the week as well wearing the equivalent of the girl's costume. No red ribbon. They had red ties, dark brown pants, blue blazers with a red M sewn to the left breast pocket.
What was confusing was the new transfer student from the La Push reservation. Didn't get many Indian kids from the Reservation in Forks high school and while it was strange no one could treat the boy badly. He was small; easily matching Bella's Five foot four in height. He had large brown eyes and a round copper face. His dark hair was choppily cut and hung below his ears and his smile was so adorable it sent the meanest of people giggling like little girls.
In short the boy was the definition of cute.
And Kaye's deadliest of weapons.
BAM!
"Hands off the skirt Ed-Stalker!"
"I was trying to straighten it! Did you realize that it only goes half thigh length, people can see too much of your legs!"
BAM!
"I know."
Jessica, who hadn't allowed herself to ask too many questions since the last time, stared at the group that had almost taken over her table. Of course the phrase "anime nerds" cam to mind but she wouldn't dare say it out loud. If Kaye hit Edward so freely then what was to stop her from hitting Jessica.
Today however she was tempted to talk to the small pretty boy named Seth who seemed to always hang on Edward's every word.
"Hi Jessica." He seemed to have caught her staring. She blushed ever so slightly as Lauren giggled behind her.
"Hey there Seth. Can I ask you something?"
And that was how she found herself fitted in a Bunny suit (the sexy kind) waiting in line for tickets with the rest of the brigade.
"Aren't you glad you asked me about the con?"
"Not really I mean, I'm half naked in front of a bunch of rejects!" She was a bit annoyed, cold and afraid since Kaye had yet to stop hitting Edward in the face with her frying pan. There was something eerily disturbing about that. Mike nor did Bella seem at all bothered by it.
In fact, they looked quite amused.
"You think I'm a reject? Me?"
Something in Seth's eyes dimmed as his mouth pouted cutely before he looked down. Jessica had thought she'd broken him, his smile was gone something in him had shattered.
"No! I didn't mean it! I just hate this costume!"
"Oh? Really?" He beamed and suddenly Jessica felt blinded. A warm hand held hers and she felt as though she were in paradise. The kid was incredibly cute and something in her ached to hug him.
Suddenly Edward's screams in pain and Kaye's maniacal laughter didn't bother her so much.
"Well, if you don't like this one...maybe...we can pair off and wear regular clothes as soon as we've gotten our tickets!" He shook her hands happily. "We'll have a really great time together Jess, just you wait!"
-
'Hey, what the hell are you doing asleep? If you aren't serious about this con then I'll kill you, bastard.'
Ah, that sound, an angel was speaking.
'Get the hell up! How is it that you, of all people are asleep?'
My love, I am coming! Is it heaven where you are waiting for me?
'Hey leave him alone! Even a dead man would pass out from having a car door slammed into his face by the amount of force you put in.'
'Shut up Seth!'
Seth?
Edward opened his eyes and the sight greeted him was one filled with his classmates and Seth. Suddenly he felt eerily human-after all, his last memory had been the car door slamming against his face and Kaye's smiling face.
Something inside of Edward mentioned that it would have been a killing blow if he were hum and that maybe he should realign his priorities.
"So-how long have I been out?" He shooed Seth's hand away. He was dressed rather oddly... "Why are you dressed in Sailor costume?"
"Oh, I'm cosplaying Sailor Mercury!" Seth twirled for good measure. "Cute right?"
It dawned on Edward, as Seth fixed the blue wig on his head, that something he should have noticed earlier about Seth had just smacked him in the face. He just couldn't figure out what it was. "Uh." He just knew it was really really adorable!
"Just agree, would you? Jessica and Seth spent a whole two hours primping in the bathroom." Mike whispered as he pointed to Jessica that had a similar outfit but long blond hair half held in an orange bow. "She's Venus, by the way. Oh man, how the hell did it all go so wrong?"
They were in their hotel rooms he was on the bed closest to the door. He looked around the room and noted everyone had changed costumes-Bella was a shrine maiden. Her monotonous features sending shivers down his spine 'when had that girl gone so quiet?'
Mike holstered the gun in his hand looking incredibly at ease with his sunglasses and long red coat.
"I'm Vash the stampede...what ever that means."
"Ah, I see. So Jessica and Seth are sailor scouts and Kaye is?"
"She said Hungary."
"...I see...so that is why she was so excited about bringing that frying pan."
-
BAM!
"OW! What did I do to warrant that?"
BAM!
"Stop!"
"C'mon we have to get into the spirit of our characters. As Hungary it's only right that I pummel you, as Prussia, for being a complete bastard."
"Is that why you were cackling as I put the red contacts in?"
BAM!BAM!
"Maybe."
"You're sick!"
"And you're sexy."
"...wait what did you say? What are you playing at?"
"Nothing...c'mere tiger..."
Leans in.
Leans in closer.
And closer...
EPIC BANG!!!
Click!
"Hey Belle-Buggy, you get that on camera?"
"Sure did."
"Sweet! Let's go to the Buyer's Room!"
And so, abandoned and in a large amount of pain Edward sobbed, a pathetic ball of sadness writhing on the floor.
As always...it ends in violence...
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Karin: The hardest chapter. Not enough LOLS but it was a transitional chapter anyway. 15 reviews are great I'm hoping to make it to that special number 20. There's some character information and an important poll on my page and general news on the progress of certain stories.
About Seth? He's a little off. His character BIO will explain.
Anyway I have to add that, as annoying it may be, I only update with reviews only. If I get enough of them then the updates will be a lot faster.
See you in the next chapter: Edward and the infinite sadness!
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Character Bio 3:
Name: Seth Clearwater
Favorite Color: Purple
Favorite Book: Battle Royal, Kamikaze Girls, L, Change the World.
Favorite Food: His mama's Lasagna. Anything else can go flying out the window, in his opinion!
Personality: the token effeminate pretty boy, shota type character that makes him endearing to both girls and guys. And yes, despite being male, he still manages to get molested by guys all the time specifically his pack mates who do it without realizing and later Edward. According to Jacob Black and later Mike Newton and Edward (in later chapters, I wont reveal how they know now), Seth has an extremely large penis- this causes strain for Edward and Mike who feel inadequate because of it.
Seth's rolls with the punches attitude makes him the fall back to guy in the group and his inability to understand gender specific anything make him seem incredibly naïve and safe to have around as the girls will fall to him for advice on how to woo or in Kaye's case, chase away the guys. He is very close to his parent's and his sister Leah who treats him like a little sister rather then a little brother. This causes Seth to refer to Leah as "my big brother." Who is "a nice guy, really." And vice versa for Leah to call him "My baby sister" and often says things like "you make Sethy cry I'll kick your ass!"
He seems to have quite a following. The I Love Seth fan club began when he turned 13 earlier that year (I am going by the time frame of 2005-since he was born in 1992 then he is 13 years old in 2005). The fan club consists of mostly females and at least five males bringing the number up to fifty five. He is completely oblivious to the club and to the crushes of his pack mates who barely recognize these feelings themselves even though their patterns of speech drastically change when he is around (all except Sam and Jacob call him cute and tend to not touch him too much as Jared, Quill and especially Paul seem to get jealous over this).
He is asked by Kaye to join her makeshift SOS Brigade as Mitsuru and Mikuru dressing as both (making him the lone cross dresser of the group). He renames the Brigade the OsOs Brigade sighting that "It makes sense. We're in the Olympic-O tacked to the front also gives is a nice feel, rolls right off the tongue!"
He seems to be the only one to have the ability to scold Kaye for her violence against Edward who he becomes good friends with. During the course of the story he hides her frying pans and at one point ties her to a chair in order for Edward to confess his feeling to Kaye again without interruption. Seth is said, by Mike to "have balls the size of Jupiter."
Seth's Hetalia-ism is Chibitalia for obvious reasons.
Since Seth's personality isn't really described apart from "happy and sweet" in the Twilight books it is up for grabs whether this depiction of him if far off or not since his original creator hadn't see the point in going into his actual character in the books.
Yes...that was a deliberate SMeyer jab.
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