Disclaimers: All right reserved of the originals "Star Wars" Characters, Names, Places, etc., to George Lucas / Disney. I pledge to return all characters after the story is complete.
Warning: Major Spoilers of TRoS.
Note: This is a Reylo FanFiction (slow-burn)
「Act 8: The Awakening of Ben Solo」
Kef Bir, 35 ABY
Her time was up. Luke reminded her that now and then. She tried to avoid him at first. If she tried to reach Ben, it would take everything she had. However, she didn't want to give up. Not yet. She still had to teach Rey and Poe more lessons. She would fail every one if she left behind everyone she loved and everything she worked for. Leia had to stay. She needed to keep the small hope fanning, or the Resistance could collapse.
"You must try to reach Ben!" Luke repeated, "Leia, there is only one thing left to do. And you are the only one who can do it."
Leia acted as she had not heard and seen him. "Galaxy save us all from big brothers and their stubbornness."
"I was born a few minutes before you," he answered her with smugness on his tone. "You can't hide from this. You have to reach Ben."
Leia remembered the days when she was holding her baby boy in her arms. She was acting more like a mother in those early months. Ben would cry all the time. He would only settle if he sensed her or Han around. Leia seemed more like a regular mother back then. She didn't know when she started acting like a strategized general. She was not sure when she gave up hope for Ben.
'My child is my child. My child holds my soul in their heart, and my heart is forever theirs.' She strongly believed that. 'He has my support for always and my guidance.' The memory broke her heart. Because she eventually turned her back to Ben. Afraid there was too much Vader in him. Her actions almost surrendered him to the darkness. She had made so many mistakes. So much time was lost.
'I would walk through the gates of hell to keep him safe.' she said back then. But she never did. She felt guilty as there were times she was more worried about the Resistance than Ben. Ben was a sacred gift, Hans and hers. She knew she was not responsible for the adventurous and risks he would take in his life. But she could be there guide him through the dark times. She did not.
Maybe if she tried to understand Ben, she understood Rey, suppose she was along with him and behind each step. Maybe he would never be drawn to the dark side. She was so focused on the leadership and the responsibilities that were given to her. She shared that burden ever since that day.
Leia sighed with a heavy realization. She had it backward. Her decision until now never included Ben. Of course, she loved her son. She knew the light tempted Ben. She could sense it from time to time. But again, she did nothing about it. Rey had shared with her some of her time with Kylo Ren. She also felt the conflict inside him. If Vader could become Anakin again, Kylo Ren could become Ben. But even if he never turned to the light, she would still love him.
She finally understood what Luke was trying to tell her. They both were wrong back then. They didn't trust Ben at all. Suppose she would take her time and observe him. The rare and untamed power inside him was never part of the dark side. Eventually, he chose the dark side. After he fought it for years and with Snoke always poising his mind and soul.
So that's how it would be. She would take one last act of hope and then rest. She reached out for the Force. She was Leia Skywalker Organa Solo. She held Han's medal close to her and finally embraced all those inheritances. And she would pass them all to the next generation. Now even as a final act, she knew. Ben didn't have to inherit all three of them. Maybe it was too much and too cruel to demand from Ben to deal with all three.
She had decided. Her Skywalker legacy would be given to Rey. Organa to Poe. She never told him, but he would make a great general. And she would try to pass her Solo Legacy to her son. Because now she could see more clearly. Ben was more Solo than Skywalker. Even if he had fallen into darkness, she could still feel it from time to time.
Now fully surrounded by force, the act didn't exhaust her. She felt strength and energy as she connected with every living thing. She reached deeper and deeper into the Force. And then with all the love as a mother had for her son, hope and forgiveness, she called out: "Ben!"
Her last thought was sent through the galaxy to reach her child. Her only child. She hoped it would not be too late, and that thought was enough to shake Ben's existence. Then she was gone. But not fully gone. Luke, who was not alone, awaited her. Because there was one more thing, they had to do...
Ren collapsed. He stared at her in agony, feeling his chest heavy. He was lost in the thought that Leia had sent him. He was in pain. Pain, he had never felt. It was not from his deadly wound on his chest. It was Leia's last thoughts, about Rey, about Poe and him. His mother still loved him. She even had forgiven him. Forgiven him? The monster? The most hateful man on the galaxy? The pain continued to rise in waves of torrents.
Rey was torn apart as she realized what had happened. She turned off her and his lightsaber and leaned closer and knelt before him. His wound was fatal. This time Kylo Ren didn't use the force to shield or save himself. He did use it so many times. But not now. Now he was still trapped inside Leia's thought.
Moments later, his eyes found hers, but he was not sure what he was looking for. His eyes were filled with tears, leaking down his cheeks. "Your mother..." Rey said, remaining close to him, her hands trembling. Her emotions turn jagged, and her insides tight.
Ren closed his eyes, accepting that his end was near. Maybe it would be better if he died. Death seemed much easier than the pain that started to grow into his pierced heart.
Rey wasn't sure what she should do. She could kill him before, but she didn't. How could her anger lead her to take his life? With him broken and vulnerable before her, she found she didn't want him to die. She placed one of her hands against his chest, over his wound. Rey started dwelling on everything around them but mostly from herself. And she gave.
Ren opened his eyes wide open. He gazed at her in bewilderment. His lips parted, and his breathing slowly settled. His muscles and skin were rejoined and renew. Even the scar on his face was now gone. The skin was smooth and perfect as years before.
Rey stopped wearily. And she noted his astound eyes against her. He seemed alert. Somehow whole, filled with life and energy. But again, he said nothing. The pain inside him was still there. Only getting stronger and eating him slowly up. The pain had an unpleasant warmth to it, eating at his stomach. There was nausea, too, just enough to make him want to throw up. He knew how to ignore his pain and just to rock on regardless, but that just wasn't possible right now. It owned him, dominated every thought, controlled every action.
Rey pinned her teary eyes against his and finally admitted, "You were right. I did want to take your hand. Ben's hand."
She never gave him time to respond. She grabbed Luke's lightsaber and rushed away. She leaped into the TIE pilot's seat and took a moment to orient herself to the strange controls. Then she took off, sharing the last stare with Ren, who was still looking at her baffled. She punched the coordinates into the navicomputer and entered hyperspace as she decided to remain in exile on Ahch-To as Luke did.
Kylo Ren was troubled. Troubled like never in his life. He stood on the edge of the ruins of the Death Star, looking at the waves crashing against the wreck. He remained there for long hours staring at the tide recede. Physically, he felt better. Better than ever in his life. However, his mind and heart were in turmoil.
He never knew such healing was possible. He couldn't explain how it was done. But that was not what tormented him most. Why did Rey heal him? Why would she bring him back? Why had his mother loved him until her last moment? Why had she forgiven him?
He was a fool. Snoke had lied about that. He had lied about all of it. All those voices inside his head torturing him throughout the years. They have ensured him that a moment like this would never happen. They don't care about you. They only care about the New Republic. Just care about their precious Resistance. You were and are nothing to them. Only a tool. Nothing.
All lies.
There was no truth or trust in those words. He knew it now. But now it was too late. His mother had sacrificed herself to reach him. Rey healed him at great cost to her own life. Despite everything, he had done. Despite what he was. He never managed to kill the light within him because it was always all around him. In Rey. In his mother. Even his father.
In that instant, his skin became greyed, his mouth hung with lips slightly parted, and his eyes were as wide as they could stretch. Indeed his father. He would never atone for that deed of killing his own father. The guilt sat not only on his chest but inside his brain as well. What he had done, he could not un-do.
"Hey, Kid," said a familiar voice.
The known sound of his father's voice was like a lightsaber through his gut. More pain. However, he turned and faced him. He looked exactly like the last time Ren saw him. He was calm and at peace.
"I miss you, son," he said. His eyes filled with love and forgiveness.
"Your son is dead!" was his answer. He was sure this could not be real.
"No," he said, smiling and walking towards him. "Kylo Ren is dead. My son is alive."
Ren paused, staring at the figure in front of him. Everything seemed so real. So vivid. He even could smell the gear lubricant Han used to keep the Falcon's converters running. "You are just a memory," he added, still gazing at his father.
"Your memory," he corrected him. His eyes full of love, daggers that were piercing more his broken heart. "Come home," he urged.
"It's too late!" was his first response. Like the voices always told him. It was too late for him. They will never accept you or take you back. Only this time, it was true. "She's gone," The truth behind his own words agonizing pain without a stop.
"Your mother's gone. But what she stood for and what she fought for... that's not gone." Han Solo clarified.
He stared at Han Solo. He stared at his father, afraid, terrified to believe his words. Afraid of his own memory. Afraid of what he was feeling.
"Ben!" his father called him.
"I know what I have to do," Ben Solo admitted, his voice tremulous "But I don't know if I have the strength to do it."
Han Solo smiled and looked at his son. He rose his hand and touched Ben's cheek. Ben recalled exactly how it felt. Rey was right. He never managed to forget the memory of the warmth of his father's palm—the calluses at his fingertips and the acceptance in his eyes.
"You do!" he assured him.
His father still believed in him. So had his mother. So had Rey. Those people were enough to awaken Ben Solo. He was forgotten and thrown into the deepest's hell inside of Kylo Ren's creation. Ben gazed at his lightsaber and lifted it. Just like he had done on Starkiller Base, it was the last time he had seen his father. The time he killed him. A deed that will haunt him all his remaining life. A wrong-doing, he didn't know how to pay for. The pain grew deeper and longer, opening older wounds. As Ben Solo slowly returned, so did the pain. Yet he was willing to go through it. It was the least he could offer.
"Dad?" he said, suddenly small and vulnerable.
Han Solo smiled warmly, "I Know!"
Ben turned away and threw his lightsaber against the air. It flew in a high arc and disappeared into the ocean. He turned to face his father, but he was gone. He knew now what he had to do.
Ben Solo stood now at the edge of the ruins of the Death Star. His eyes closed, and his mind was reeling memory after memory, killing anything fake, keeping only those that were filled with light and were his reality. His worse memories, those that included his wrong-doings and evil deeds, were kept as well. He would never let any of those be forgotten. There were more awakened memories long forgotten, echos of those long years ago.
"Memories come with a cost, Ben!" came a strong male voice. "As addictive as they feel, once lessons are learned, there is nothing in them of value. Letting the bad ones wander off on their own and encouraging the good ones to blossom and grow. That is the way you become confident, well balanced, and in control of yourself."
Ben's eyes snapped open, and he flailed, nearly falling on the ground. He searched around for the person who spoke. But there was no one there. He rubbed his hand against his face, confused. Maybe he was starting to lose his mind. After all, what he was through all those years, there was the secret thought he could easily become insane. That would be an easy way to escape. He thought.
The voice laughed, hearing his thoughts through the Force. "You aren't crazy, Ben!" the voice assured him. It seemed as the voice was closer now. He was standing next to him. Like he always was. "Here, we must hear with warm hearts and be curious regarding how to cure. How to breathe again and lessen the pain." he continued.
The stillness of the air seemed to suck even the sound of his footfalls into the nothingness as Ben turned and stepped towards it. "Who are you?" he questioned curiously. "What do you want?" Today he had already met/ felt his mother, his father, and his past. The unknown male tensed his nerves for what was to come. He could describe it as creepy, but eerie was closer to it.
Silence.
The open space of the Death Star fell into a stiff hush. An aggressive wind blew, and the waves became stronger, crushing against the ruins. Suddenly, the ghost figure of a young male revealed itself. He seemed familiar and not. He was a Force-Ghost. Ben had read about their existence but never met one. "Show me again, the power of the darkness, and I will let nothing stand in our way," he said in a darker tone gazing at Ben.
Ben stepped back, puzzled and astonished. His mind already formed the words, but his lips refuse to say them. "Grandfather?" he asked. The confusion was shown in his face. He stared at the man in front of him. He seemed so different, so alien from Darth Vader. "Why now?"
Anakin turned away from Ben, gazing at the angry sea against the horizon. "This is where the fun begins." he nudged him. Though a moment later, he responded. "Because you always asked the aid of Darth Vader. And he doesn't exist." Anakin explained, "Darth Vader turned to the light Ben before he died. Before I died. I'm Anakin Skywalker."
The pain wasn't sharp like needlepoint or a knife; it burned around his innards better than boiling water. Everything felt scolded and move or not; he was in more pain than he could have ever imagined was possible. He didn't speak. He stood there, gazing at the ghostly figure. He had submitted all his life to the idea of Darth Vader. His blood was his blood. He wanted to become like him. Snoke even managed to lie about that. Ben dropped his gaze. He was a fool.
"Snoke... The Emperor..." Anakin said, "Underestimated your power! The Force, the raw strength that was part of you, was never part of the dark side. You allowed it to be. But Ben Solo wasn't born with darkness." He paused and faced him this time. "My grandson would never be a tool in the hands of the Sith. Know this. Remember your wrong-doings. Be strong and live with your pain. Yet, keep living. Keep fighting for the Light." he spoke with pride.
Ben seemed surprised. The Force that was dwelling from Anakin felt familiar. He had sensed it before whenever the conflict rose inside him. Whenever he was pulled towards the light, he tilted his head, "You were with me. All this time." he came to understand.
Anakin cracked a smile and nodded lightly. "And I always will be, Ben!"
Then he vanished, leaving Ben standing on the edge of the wreck, more troubled than before. But he was at peace. The pain remained. And he would always carry it with him. But he managed to breathe for once.
「Upcoming Chapter: Act Nine」
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