SHE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED meets Edward.

[A Quick Skit for Jaya]

The day was cloud covered as usual reminding Kaye of smog. She bundled herself deeper into her fake leopard print coat and fixed her red and gold scarf around her shoulders. The cold still seeped in at an alarming rate but she didn't mind all that much.

"You know, smoking can kill you." Bella had her nose in a book either trying to see the tiny print better or trying to hide from the smell of smoke.

"Meh, we're all doomed to die anyway."

"True."

They crossed the street and continued in the destination of the diner only to see...Edward running from a slightly big boned older woman.

"Wow...Belle-Buggy, that woman looks just like you! Is she your mom?"

"...ignoring that...I think the question that is begging to be asked is, "why on earth is a sparkling vampire running away from a middle aged woman in the first place?"

"Actually I think it's, "Why the hell is she chasing him with a butter knife?"

The two girls looked at each other, shrugged and continued walking.

"Well this hasn't happened in a while," Kaye sat up hugging her knees. The warm bubbly water was soothing but she felt anything from relaxed. She peered at Edward. "What happened?"

From the tiled floor Edward chanced a glance at her utterly exhausted. His button down was torn, scratches healed themselves on his cheeks. "That woman." He said.

"What woman?"

He stood up and began gathering her clothes. He tossed her street clothes into the taller hamper while he took her panties and bra and placed them in the sink. Walking out of the bathroom Kaye finally thought she would have some peace.

He walked back in wearing his customary pink apron and bandana. Walking towards the sink he turned on the tap and then began washing her underwear.

"..."

"What?!" He asked her a little annoyed. He turned towards her holding her soapy, soaking wet bra. "Cant you see I'm trying to clean?! Stop staring at me with those giant eyeballs!"

"You mentioned a woman and by the way, Wife, do you think you could uh, not wash my underwear while I'm trying to have a nice bath? It's a little eerie."

"Of course, Darling..." He turned off the tap and tossed her bra into the hamper so hard that the plastic rattled. Kaye stared as he pulled the bandana off his head and stomped on it.

"Whoa, Wife! Calm down breathe!"

The look he gave her was the most pathetic she had ever seen. He stomped out of the bathroom and slammed the door with so much strength that it broke.

"...what the hell...is he on his period or something?"

Kaye stood up, grabbed her robe and ran after him.

"So let me get this straight, a woman you have never in your life met before comes up to you, threatens you and tells you that you are in love with the wrong girl. She then berates you, telling you that you are not trying hard enough to woo me, that in order to have my heart you should follow me more closely, talk down to me and tell me what to do and in the name of love and then she begins to stab you with a butter knife and chase you all around Forks until finally throwing a book manuscript at your vital regions."

"That is correct." Edward nodded his head still feeling a bit wound up.

"And you couldn't read her mind?"

"No. She also smelled like freesia, like Bella." He said. "It was as though I met an older, angrier and slightly plump version of her. It was frightening." He held up the manuscript. "And this filth is something that apparently she wrote about me."

Kaye took the thick stack of paper into her hands and spied the title. The pages slipped from her hand and her face was one of shock before she began to laugh.

"What is it Kaye?"

"Holy Shit! Twilight! She gave you TWILIGHT!"

"Yes that is the name of the story...do you know this woman?"

Kaye would have loved to answer him but all she could do was laugh and wonder.

"Who is Stephanie Myer?" He asked having heard the name reverberate through Kaye's mind.

She just laughed harder.

I hope you liked it Jaya. I apologize if it isn't funny enough. (I've also been reading too much of Yoshihara Yuki's 'Itadakimasu'...it's so addicting!

Read Review and do not FLAME!

This was another Quick Skit like the previous chapter.