Moving Through the Dark
Disclaimer: The characters depicted, settings, and some terminology in this fan work are the property of Natsuki Takaya. The views and opinions of this fan based work in no way reflect the views or opinions of Natsuki Takaya. This is a fanfiction written purely for entertainment purposes and nothing more. The author of this fan based work receives no profit gain in writing this
WARNING: Contains content NOT suitable for children under the age of 17, and readers are strongly cautioned. The following contains but is not limited to, rape, inappropriate language, and violence.
AN: First work in this fandom so go easy on me please : ) Updates on this fic will likely be monthly and it's likely to be about 4 chapters long.
Chapter 3
It had been about a week since then, and Tohru was able to return to her daily activities mostly unencumbered aside from minimal use of a crutch for support. Her ankle felt much better, but Hattori insisted she continue to use it. Her visible cuts and bruises faded to pale yellow reminders of what had occurred. Soon there would be no visible trace.
Kyo's eyes lingered on Tohru's movements as she hung laundry out to dry. His lips tugged downward into a frown. Her movements were still stiff and slow. Yuki was there helping her. He observed the two conversing. Tohru was smiling, but it wasn't quite right. It was nothing like the carefree smiles she used to give them. He missed her goofy grin. He could tell she was trying really hard, and it made his gut flip with nerves.
He wondered if Yuki had been able to get her to open up about what happened. They both knew something really bad had happened, and it wasn't an accident. After some thought about her feelings Yuki decided it best to give her time to open up to them. Kyo tried a few times to get her to talk about it, but failed every time. He hated to admit it, but if she couldn't tell him he hoped at least she could confide in someone else even if it was that damned rat. He sighed leaving them to talk alone without him watching.
"So, Miss Honda when are you thinking of going back to work?" Yuki asked as he hung a sheet on the line while she handed him clips. He wouldn't let her do much but she wanted to help so He let her hang small items or hand him clips.
"Oh...um...Hattori said one more week and I should be all healed up." she smiled halfheartedly, which didn't go unnoticed by Yuki.
"I'm glad you're healing so quickly." He beamed. "Maybe before you go back to work we could all do something fun together, with your friends I mean." he suggested hopefully.
Tohru gave it some thought for a moment. It would be nice to see Uo-chan and Hana-chan. She hadn't really spoken to either of them since the incident. She knew she would have to face them eventually, but she really didn't want to chance them finding out. It was especially difficult to hide things from Hanajima with her crazy wave readings. If they found out they would be burdened with her problems, and that was the last thing she wanted. She wanted to deal with this herself. Tohru bit her lip unconsciously deep in thought.
Yuki waited for her response noting how distant her gaze looked. "Miss Honda?" he waved a hand in front of her in an attempt to bring her back to their conversation and away from whatever thoughts plagued her.
"Oh sorry, I guess I spaced out." she chuckled nervously glancing away from Yuki.
"So how does a spring break get together sound?" he asked again with his princely smile aimed right at her.
Yuki held his breath waiting for a response from her. He just wanted to see her smile again. He wasn't sure how to make it happen, but an outing with her friends had to be a good start.
"It sounds like fun." she lied, but going out with friends was part of moving forward, part of being normal again. It wasn't like she didn't miss her friends, it was the opposite. She wanted to see them she just hoped they wouldn't somehow be able to tell how gross she was now.
"Great, what should we do?" he asked because he wanted the outing to be a fun day for her, so naturally he left the choice up to her.
"Um...I don't know maybe a trip to the mall? I heard there's a few new stores that opened and there's a new frozen yogurt place too." she offered.
She had been wanting to try the frozen yogurt out since before spring break started. Maybe the trip wouldn't be that bad. After all, she loved sweets. She was trying her best to be the old Tohru, and it felt like she was getting closer every day.
"That sounds nice. Let me know what your friends say."
They finished hanging the laundry and he managed to get a few real smiles out of Tohru and it felt good. It felt like he was actually helping her, but he still kept his distance. He kept out of her personal bubble since that day he tried to help her and she got scared. He frowned remembering how she tensed up at his touch.
"If something is on your mind I'm here to listen." he offered.
"Thanks." she she responded looking down at her feet.
Dinner that night was mostly quiet between the three. Shigure was out at the main estate visiting Akito. Kyo and Yuki both noticed Tohru's posture stiffen at the mention Akito. Her smile was strained, and she fell silent for most of the meal. They watched as she pushed her food around her plate. Yuki brought up the plans for the mall trip to try to distract her from her quiet thoughts. Tohru perked up a little.
"Kyo, you should come too." she invited him with a smile, it was real.
"Uh..." he glared at Yuki, who just rolled his eyes."Yea I'll be there!" he answered with more gusto than necessary causing Yuki to wince and glare at him.
"You don't have to shout dumb-ass." Yuki bit out angrily taking his plate to the kitchen.
"Sorry Tohru. Yea I'll go too." he muttered looking away embarrassment clear on his cheeks.
xxx
Kyo laid in bed on his side staring out the window. It was raining gently and the moon lit the yard. Usually the rain made him sleepy, but something just felt off. He couldn't comfortable and it was irritating to say the least. He wasn't too hot nor too cold. His bed felt normal, no lumps or springs. He couldn't figure out what the problem was.
He groaned in frustration as he threw his feet over the side of the bed. Maybe he needed some water. He crossed his room quietly and that was the first time he heard her whimpering, crying alone in her room in the middle of the night.
It took him several attempts at knocking on her door before he actually brought his fist to her door and knocked lightly as possible so he didn't wake anyone else up. He didn't need Yuki catching him knocking on Tohru's door in the middle of the night.
"Tohru, it's me Kyo." he whispered.
He listened a moment hearing her shuffle around her room. He frowned wondering if she was ignoring him, but then her door ever so slowly creaked opened revealing a disheveled Tohru. She gripped her robe tightly and avoided eye contact with Kyo. He noticed her eyes were puffy, and her cheeks were damp.
"Is everything okay?" she spoke softly looking down at the floor.
"That's what I was going to ask you."
"I'm sorry if I woke you. Everything is fine." she stuttered saying the last bit and her tears returned.
"You didn't wake me up." he assured her.
"I..." her voice died in her throat.
She looked around the dark hallway, and stepped back into her room. She knew he had questions but she wasn't going to wake the whole house up answering them. He hesitated in the door way waiting for her approval before entering. She motioned for him to come inside. He quietly shut the door. The room was dark but her nightlight was enough to see her, and her tears that resumed trailing down her cheeks.
"Tohru, what happened?"
She recalled the dream she just had. It was like that day, but so much worse. She felt vile. She felt like she was rotting from the inside out. How much longer could she hide it from them, before they noticed on their own? Hot tears rolled down her cheeks and she collapsed sitting on her bed, and Kyo sat on the floor near the bed not sure what he should be doing, but he knew he needed to be here with her.
"Was it a nightmare?" he asked caution laced in his voice.
He was completely out of his element here, and he felt like one misstep could ruin everything or worse make her more upset than she already was.
Tohru nodded and continued to cry and he sat there waiting for her. Eventually he laid down on her floor looking up at the ceiling. He waited until her breathing evened out and her sobs became sniffles. He wondered if his being there was even helping at all. He listened as she shifted in her bed. She propped herself up on her elbow lying on her side looking down at him. Her face streaked with tear marks and her eyes were puffy, but she had finally stopped crying. Kyo let out a sigh not realizing he'd been holding his breath.
"Sorry for crying a bunch." she muttered glancing away from his gaze.
"Don't be." his words spilled harshly out, more harshly than he'd wanted.
"But I kept you awake, and..." she faltered feeling tears building up again.
"I'm fine. I slept on the ground in the woods for months. I definitely didn't get a lot of sleep so don't worry about me." he huffed feigning annoyance. "Besides, are you going to tell me what's going on with you?" he asked directly in Kyo fashion. Always blunt and to the point.
"No, I can't." she spoke almost a whisper through her dry throat.
"It doesn't matter what you tell me. If you're worried it will somehow change things between us it won't. I'll listen to whatever you have to say." he assured her chancing a look at her face momentarily as he spoke. "When you're ready." he added hastily looking back at the ceiling.
"Thanks, I'm sorry I'm not sure when or if I'll be ready." she admitted sadly.
"Fine, I'll keep waiting." he declared to her surprise.
He sat up to leave after she stopped crying, but he heard her voice call him. It was so quiet he almost missed it.
"Please, don't go yet." she almost whimpered. "Can you um..." she fidgeted before continuing. "Could you...stay here until I fall back asleep?" she asked not meeting his gaze.
Kyo felt his face heat up hotter than a summer day, but he couldn't tell her no. He watched her shaken form covered to her nose in her blanket. She was curled up into herself. He definitely couldn't tell her no. Not when she sounded so desperate and scared. He sat back down with his back against her bed looking away to give her privacy.
"Yea, I'll stay...and keep you safe." he added knowing the nightmares were about whoever hurt her, and she was likely still scared.
"Thanks." she murmured as sleep began taking her.
Kyo sat unnaturally still listening to the sounds of Tohru's breathing slow and he could fell the rise and fall of her breathing through the mattress he was leaning on. He knew it was wrong but he slowly turned to watch her sleep. He watched her features fully relax as sleep finally claimed her, and he felt relief wash over himself.
He kept his word. He watched over her for a while making sure her sleep was deep before he left her. He let his hand linger next to hers a moment before leaving. He would find out what happened to her. He would find out who hurt her and he would kick their ass into next week.
xxx
Tohru pulled on her yellow sweater over her casual floral dress and sat to pull on her sandals. The spring air blew through her open window adding a cool breeze to the room. Today she was going to the mall with her friends. Her stomach flopped and her palms were sweaty, but she was determined to be okay. She was determined to move on with her life. She wanted to keep her promise and keep smiling.
"See you soon mom!" she waved at her mother's photo as she exited her room.
Kyo and Yuki met her in the hallway both wearing casual attire. Yuki wore gray slacks and a navy sweater. Kyo wore jeans and a light red and black sports jacket. Yuki smiled warmly at her, and Kyo was frowning with arms crossed in front of himself. Tohru couldn't help but crack a tiny smile at them. They were always there for her in their own ways.
"Ready, Miss Honda?" he asked with a smile.
"Yea, let's go. Hana-chan and Uo-chan said they'd meet us at noon in the food court."
"Uotani's going too?" Kyo groaned feigning annoyance.
"You don't have to go." Yuki retorted back at the red head.
Kyo saw Tohru's gaze on him, and her face it twisted with something he couldn't read. Did she not want him to go either? He thought about ducking out, but the longer he looked at her face the faster his heart beat.
'Please don't go.'
He remembered her words that night and fought the heat that crept up in his cheeks. He promised to look after her that night and protect her, and for him that vow extended to her waking hours as well. Besides what kind of man would he be if he went back on his word.
"I'm going, I'm going. You can't get rid of me that easily rat-boy." his tone was uncharacteristically playful and he kept his eyes on Tohru as he spoke.
He felt his body melt when she smiled a real smile.
They said goodbye Shigure and headed off to the train station. The walk had gotten quiet and an air of unease surrounded Tohru. Neither boy knew what to say to her, but it seemed they noticed her hands trembling. Without a word both boys reached for one of her hands, catching her by surprise, but their grips were warm and firm grounding her to the present.
"Is something wrong?" Yuki asked Tohru.
"Sorry, I just was lost in thought mostly." she responded trying to smile her goofy smile, but fell short.
"Come on say what's on your mind." Kyo blurted out avoiding her gaze.
"It's just...I" her voice stopped along with her feet pulling the two boys to a stop as well. "Please, don't mention the accident to Uo-chan and Hana-chan." she requested with a slight bow in her posture.
Kyo frowned. He hoped if she wasn't able to tell him, she was at least talking to her friends about it. Yuki and Kyo still had her hands and they could feel her tension as she spoke to them. They both glanced over her head and exchanged worried looks.
"Yea, no problem." Kyo muttered reluctantly.
"As you wish Miss Honda." Yuki assured her.
"Thanks guys, I just want to have fun today." she explained with a forced smile.
It was noon as they entered the food court together. Uotani and Hanajima greeted them enthusiastically. Uotani jumped right into teasing Kyo calling him 'carrots' and Hanajima launched a hug onto Tohru. Uotani joined the hug sandwich with Tohru crushed in the middle.
Tohru winced at being squeezed but was otherwise okay with the contact, and actually found herself enjoying the hugs. She really had missed her friends, and fought back the tears welling up in her eyes. She wanted to tell them what happened. She'd always told them when things bothered her, but she knew this time she couldn't tell them. She hated keeping things from them.
" So where to first?" Yuki asked the girls.
"I'm kind of hungry. How about you guys?" asked Uotani.
"I could definitely eat." Kyo answered quickly glancing at Tohru, but she didn't seem to be paying attention.
Her gaze seem distant and her shoulders were tense again. He got the urge to flick her forehead for not paying attention, but he stopped thinking back to the other night and frowned. He didn't want to startle her.
"Miss Honda, do you want to get yogurt now?" Yuki asked snapping her attention back to the others.
" Yea, Tohru haven't you been waiting for the new frozen yogurt place to open? It's all you've been talking about for months." Uotani asked with a smile.
"I heard they have over 100 topping choices and 50 different flavors." Hanajima chimed in with a dreamy look on her face.
"Yea let's go!" she forced a tone of excitement into her voice.
Tohru really enjoyed most of the mall trip with everyone, but there were pockets of time when she just wanted to hide. Whenever someone of similar looks or build of her attackers passed her by she felt like her legs would give out. She pushed through the fear, but it left her exhausted even if she wouldn't let it show on her face. She smiled and she was proud of herself for going out, and her friends if they noticed her tense behavior didn't comment on it.
xxx
Another week had passed since the mall trip and Tohru's bruises had faded like nothing ever happened, but it did happen. Her lips pulled into a frown. She had made great strides in moving forward and trying to be her old self again, but she wasn't really the same inside. She couldn't be the same not after that.
She sighed pulling her shirt on as she examined her reflection in the mirror. She had twenty minutes before she needed to leave for her first day back to work, and she definitely wasn't ready. Her gut flipped and flopped. Her heart fluttered unpleasantly in an irregular rhythm.
I can do this. I have to do this. Move forward for everyone's sakes.
She was glad Yuki had offered to walk her to and from work otherwise she wasn't sure she could leave the house at all. Her whole body felt weak and shaky as she walked down the dirt road through the forest to the main road. She glanced at Yuki who walked quietly beside her. It was easier with him walking with her.
Yuki observed Tohru's countenance as she walked beside him. He still hadn't gotten her to talk about the accident at work. Since the mall trip Tohru appeared to be back to normal, but he could see small cracks in her facade. He noticed the way she shied away from casual touches or how she spent a lot of time in her room alone. The way her lips quirked into forced grins and her distant unfocused eyes when she was deep in thought. He wanted to ask her what was on her mind, but what right did he have to pry? The worst part was he didn't know how to help her.
"Are you sure you're ready to go back so soon?" he broke the silence.
Her feet wouldn't respond and her body felt weak. No, she wasn't ready to go back. She might never be ready to go back there, but she had tuition to pay. She had too. She forced her feet to resume their pace. She noticed Yuki's worried eyes trailing her movements.
"Oh yea I'm fine to work! I'm all healed up now!" she proclaimed.
"Please try to take it easy at least."
"Yea of course."
Yuki tried to talk to her, to ask what has been bothering her. He wanted to ask her about Kyo's suspicions but in the end he couldn't. He kept thinking about dark rooms and locked door. He thought of Akito keeping him like some sort of pet. It hurt to think about, and he didn't want stir similar feelings for her either. He decided he'd wait for her to come to him with what was bothering her.
It wasn't long before they could see the tall building in which she worked off in the distance. Tohru's pace slowed uncaring of the time. Her legs suddenly felt like lead weights. She closed her eyes trying to ignore the feeling of panic rising in her chest. She tried to brush off her heart hammering in her chest or her lungs screaming for more air. Still she continued to walk closer and closer toward the cause of her panic. She tried to keep her face indifferent as they crossed the street across from her work. She kept reminding herself she had to do this. She didn't have a choice. She wanted to be normal again. She liked her job. She needed money.
"Listen to the way she moans like a real slut." his words echo in her ears blocking out everything.
Her heart beat echoed in her ears until it muffled out almost every sound around her. She scrambled to catch her breath, it felt like she was drowning.
Her vision begun to grow fuzzy around the corners and she vaguely wondered if maybe she was in fact drowning. Yuki was staring at her wide eyed. She watched as his lips moved but she couldn't hear his words over the sound of her own heart beat hammering away in her ears. The last thing she saw before the black nothingness of the void was Yuki's distressed face.
"Tohru!" he yelled.
Thankfully he was able to guide her body slowly to the ground without transforming. It had been a struggle but he managed. Her face was pale and her breaths were shallow. He whipped out his cell phone ready to call for an ambulance when she pulled herself up abruptly. Her wide eyes darted around her surroundings in confusion, until it seemed to dawn on her what had happened.
"Are you okay?" he asked unsure.
"I think so." her lips trembled as she spoke.
Tohru managed to stand on her own still feeling the effects of dizziness on her body. She could feel bile rising in her throat and she gulped it back painfully. She stood paralyzed staring at the building in front of her. Yuki grabbed her arm pulling her to a nearby bench to sit. She followed without much resistance.
"You aren't okay are you?"
It was more of a statement than a question. He'd had plenty of panic attacks throughout his life. What he just witnessed was a serious panic attack. He watched her lips tug into a frown. He edged closer to her, but refrained from touching her.
"Sorry." she mumbled as tears leaked out of her eyes. "I can't go in there." she hid her face in her shaking hands.
"Then let's go home." Yuki stood offering his hand to help her up.
She looked up at him, and reached forward before retracting her hand back. She couldn't go home no matter how badly she wanted to. She needed the money. She shook her head at him.
"I can't go home. I need this job." her voice cracked through tears. "But I'm scared." she spoke her voice just above a whisper.
Yuki wasn't letting her anywhere near that building after the panic he witnessed. He reached out again and took her hand in his. He could feel her arm trembling and grit his teeth. He gave her hand the lightest squeeze to get her attention back on him. He watched as her head tilted to look at him with red watery eyes. His gut clenched, but he held her hand firmly.
"Come on, let's go home."
She nodded in defeat and let herself be led home by Yuki. His hand was warm and made her feel safe even as the street lights turned on and darkness surrounded them. Once their feet found the familiar dirt path Tohru allowed herself to relax some, and her tears started drying up. Yuki's grip on her hand was grounding her and keeping her thoughts off of her panic. She continued to focus on the warmth of his hand. His smooth skin touching hers. The gentle reassuring squeezes he'd give. She let out a sigh when her heart rate finally went back to normal.
Then it hit her like a ton of bricks. Tuition payments. Her sudden halt in movement pulled Yuki backward startling him from his inner thoughts. His hand felt cold as hers slipped out of his grasp.
"Miss Honda?"
"I have to go back." she stated wide eyed "Tuition payments are due end of the month."
"I'll pay it." he blurted out uncharacteristically blunt.
"I can't take your money."
"It's no big deal. I get money from the estate that I don't use for anything."
"But...I...can't."
"You can pay me back when you get a new job." he compromised.
She mulled it over for a bit. Her fear of going back outweighed owing Yuki money. It was the first time she ever accepted money from anyone. She hesitantly nodded. She just couldn't stomach going back.
"O-okay I'll accept this once, but I'll pay you back right away I promise." she stammered.
"It's not really an issue for me. I just don't want to ever see you like that again." he admitted.
"I'm sorry." she murmured through fresh tears.
"There's nothing to be sorry for." he assured her as he wiped tears off her cheeks. "I don't really like to talk about it, but I've had them before, a panic attack I mean."
"You have?" she asked surprised.
"Yea, back when I lived at the estate." he spoke voice strained. "But I haven't had them nearly as often since I moved in with Shigure."
"I'm glad to hear that." she gave a small smile.
Their pace took them longer to reach home than normal, but neither teen was complaining. Tohru wasn't in a hurry to tell the others she quit her job, and she especially wasn't in a hurry to reveal why she had to quit so suddenly. The house came into view and before she could step inside Yuki took her hand again stopping her just before she reached the door. He gently pulled her backwards.
"Yuki, what's wrong?" she questioned confusedly.
"It's just that...I wanted you to know..that you can trust me with anything. I know something bad happened to you and I'm here if you want to talk about it." his gaze met hers as he spoke. He needed her to know how serious he was about being trustworthy.
"Thanks, but it's not something I can tell anyone." her tone was wistful and her eyes cast downward.
"The offer still stands, and know I will never share your secrets." he assured her with a resolute look.
"Thank you." she paused a moment before speaking again. "Maybe one day I'll be able to talk about it." she gave a sad smile