Track 1
Alternate universe to another alternate universe.
Muse: This chapter's a bit...jumpy. Fair warning...future updates will actually be hilarious in comparison to this.
~.~
Despite popular belief, Edward didn't like watching women as they slept. What with their unattractive sleep attire (it should be noted that skimpy sexy sleep attire is unattractive to Edward), their goopy face masks and blemish creams, sometimes rollers in the hair or sometimes barely any hair at all. And the noises some of these women made. Snores and sneezes and gurgling and other things...it was enough to make him sick.
But it killed time. Nights spent watching usually attractive women sleeping meant that Edward would be kept away from Emmet who had the propensity to do...whatever it was Emmet did on nights when Rosalie just wasn't interested. Oh, Edward could always tag along with Jasper, but there was only so much fun in brooding quietly or staring intently at the wall and every so often sighing.
(This is the part where you readers scoff at Edward. I mean, Pot, Kettle, Black am I right?)
And there was no way that Edward would tag along with Carlisle or Esme. It was the same age old teenage tradition of "avoid parents at all costs" because what self respecting teenager wants to hang out with mom and dad? Doesn't matter that Edward is 109 or so-
Edward: Can we please get on with the narrative. And what do you mean, "Pot, Kettle, Black"? Are you saying that I am a hypocrite?
(He's getting off topic...)
...can we please just move along. I think that the readers have all understood that I watch "people" as they sleep as a means to kill the time at night for lack of anything better to do...wait, why was Rosalie only mentioned in passing and Alice not mentioned at all?
(Huh?)
It just seems a little unfair to the readers who happen to like Rosalie and Alice. Don't you want to appease them by giving my sisters more mention?
(Really Edward...really? So you do hang out with them in the night hours sometimes?)
God no! The last time I was left with Alice and Rosalie I was subjected to hours of gossip, shopping and let us not forget that scintillating conversation about my sexual preferences...
(Can you blame them?)
...
(...Time to continue?)
I would certainly hope so. I'm feeling peckish, I might just...lash out in my annoyance-
Certainly Edward understood that it was a bit creepy when one was caught but he had never had to deal with the embarrassment of it before...
...before her.
SWAK!
"Damn it Edward! Get the hell out of my room!"
Before Katarina Merope Winchester, Edward had never been caught watching anyone as they slept, certainly before Katarina Merope Winchester, Edward had never been greatly insulted and had never been beaten up...by a girl.
Just thinking about it, as archaic as it sounds, being taken down by a girl barely five feet tall-the very thought of it made him squirm. The humiliation!
"Kaye...did you have to hit me so hard?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact. What the hell do you think you were doing? Haven't I told you haven't I demanded hell I think I may have politely asked once-I don't want you watching me sleep. It's creepy!"
"What is the problem with it? It isn't as though I touch you, I just periodically watch."
"Periodically?"
"I usually read."
SWAK! BAM! BAM! BAM! BAM!
'Where in the cosmos did this girl get a toaster from? Under her pillow?' Edward thought as he fell forward and was then kicked off of the bed. The wood floor felt cool beneath his frozen crack cheek, his eyes swam with venom tears.
'Why in the world, in the universe in the history of creation am I in love with her?'
Why indeed...why indeed...
End Epilogue to Edward and the Real Girl REMIX!
Chapter 2 Coming Soon...!
~.~
A taste of whats to come? Dunno. Just needed to get something out there about the Remix. As you can see, Edward is being beaten again only he's a bit snarky this time around. Which I enjoy writing.