NOTE: Edited Feb. 2022! Thank you so much, Hybris for helping me with this chapter! Also thank you AlphaTrickster for your feedback!
Chapter 2
"We'll come to pick you up after it's done." Rolling his eyes at the childishness of his friends, Shikaku wondered just how bad he had gotten to get this kind of treatment from them.
'So what if Inoichi contacted his cousin, whichever one out of the dozens that could be, to shove me in the earliest available session for shinobi of my rank the minute I said fine to this whole… Thing.' Honestly, Shikaku could have done that himself. Well, eventually.
"I'm not a child, Inoichi." He grouched, pinching the cartilage of his nose lightly in frustration. His fingers ached for the neck of a bottle, and Shikaku could already feel the faint need to get a sip at something stronger to deal with the day.
'...For fuck's sake. It's not even nine in the morning.' He must have made a face because Inoichi suddenly decided to lunge at him, hands aiming for his hair.
'The blonde menace clearly is feeling suicidal today.' No way was Shikaku going to let him try to mess his ponytail up. He blocked Inoichi's hand, using his forearm to halt those grasping fingers. An annoyed look crossed the menace's face as he opened his mouth to retort before a soft voice interrupted them both.
"No, but you are our teammate, Shikaku." Glancing to the side, black eyes met black, as his friend actually had his eyes opened to look at him, 'Damnit, Chouza …'
Inoichi cleared his throat as he fixed his stance and glanced at a kunoichi entering the hospital. Shikaku rolled his eyes as Inoichi's voice suddenly became much smoother, clearly pitched to carry over.
"Yes, plus my dear cousin made it clear that you would need support after this." The lilac-haired woman ignored them as she ran in, clearly in a rush and not paying attention to his friend's moves.
"...Seriously Inoichi?" Raising an eyebrow at that dick move, he was almost impressed at how low Inoichi was willing to sink in the name of possibly hooking in a kunoichi who hadn't been warned to run away from his teammate. Honestly, though, using Shikaku for sympathy points just to get attention from a random woman? Well, he hoped Inoichi felt like it was worth it, since Chouza was giving him the "I'm disappointed in you face". The blonde was definitely in for a lecture of his own, possibly involving Choza standing on his back if he tried to escape.
'Honestly, this can only be good for his growth,' Shikaku mused, smirking as Inoichi tried to look like his pride hadn't been wounded by being utterly ignored.
'It'd have worked if I couldn't spot the pout he was trying to conceal, or pull up that 'I don't care whatever' face he'd been using since they were genin.'
"...You're right. She wasn't cute enough to use you as my wingman anyway. Her looks weren't to my taste." He stated, scanning the area for any other women nearby before dragging a hand through his bangs.
'Now the idiot's done it,' Shikaku glanced to the side as Chouza frowned even harder at the blonde's words. Chouza was more of a true gentleman than Inoichi any day of the week, as he tried to defend the kunoichi's looks, "Lilac hair is practically normal, we know at least four kunoichi with a similar hair color."
'Seriously why was he still single?' Shikaku didn't understand women at all, especially when Inoichi currently had a count of five ex-girlfriends to his name. He would have thought they'd be smarter and go for Choza.
'All women are troublesome.'
Inoichi heaved a sigh as he stared in bafflement at Chouza, "I meant her freckles. Lilac hair is not my preference, but it's fine. I just prefer my women with smooth skin, though scars are acceptable of course."
Shikaku tuned out the rest of that conversation, as Chouza and Inoichi began to argue about features and judging people based on society's beauty standards — which somehow involved Inoichi pointing out how handsome he is — and asked himself again why he was friends with these two.
"Ahem, anyway Chouza, none of that matters! Because, if you remember, we are here to support Shikaku," He smiled, dragging Shikaku in a half embrace as he used him as a shield against Chouza's unamused stare.
"Are you sure about that? I don't feel very supported right now." If anything he felt shoved and moved about like a fucking parcel, or one of those message scrolls the genin corps tossed through office windows to avoid dealing with cranky desk-chunin.
"Nonsense! H-I mean, my cousin said that they would be expecting you today, and I am a man of my word." Inoichi grinned, before starting to shove Shikaku towards the Hospital entrance. The fact that Inoichi refused to say their name made Shikaku feel very suspicious about this whole thing. His friend never did anything without a reason. In fact, there was nothing Inoichi didn't love more than getting his kicks at people reacting to shit they wouldn't be comfortable with.
'He's an asshole like that. No matter how much he tries to rationalize it by claiming that it's in that uncomfortableness that he sees the mettle of people.' Slight dread-filled Shikaku's stomach as a sneaking suspicion of who, exactly, that cousin could be, began to brew.
"Troublesome… What kind of support will I need after playing civie anyway?" Shikaku asked, stalling for time as he stuck his feet to the ground with chakra, refusing to move another inch.
'That pamphlet had mentioned both an educational aspect and a communication aspect, which honestly sounds like a total drag.' He had slept through most of the Academy and still managed to get the same score every time, so he clearly didn't need to be lectured at.
'And talking about feelings? I haven't done any of that since I was a genin...' Memories flickered of his sensei dying on the battlefield, losing team members with every completed mission, the smell of lightning shooting among the ninja wire and kunai.
'If the lightning didn't kill them by stopping their hearts, they just screamed and screamed…'
"Just... Try, Shikaku. Please?" Chouza's steady hand on his shoulder gave a gentle squeeze, bringing Shikaku back to his friends as they both exchanged worried looks before looking at him. Cutting off the chakra from the soles from his feet, he gave them a loud sigh before walking — by himself, thank you Inocihi — towards the hospital door.
'Let's get this over with.' Rubbing his hands over his face, Shikaku threw a wave over his shoulder as he muttered a quiet "Fine."
The entrance was by the east side, a less known one and usually used for the patients dealing with physical rehabilitation. A garden and lake were visible from there and had a small training ground for light exercises and sparring.
'That's the only thing you could do in it. With the way it's set up, it's more aesthetically pleasing than a hardcore training ground.' Extreme damage to those spaces always cut deeply into your next few missions' paychecks, 'Of course, being flexible during wartime was expected but now that it has stopped… Well.'
Sighing through his nose, Shikaku continued forward, 'Doors creaking softly means rusted hinges, and there's a badly replaced screw and worn scratches at the base and edges of the door. Looks like wear and tear, not violence.'
Worn and exhausted medic-nin stepped past him, clearly finishing their shifts and making their way home, leaving behind a neat makeshift reception desk near the doors.
'That's not a table under the fabric,' Shikaku mused, spotting a very familiar young woman standing behind the table, 'Oh, so that's why she was in a hurry.'
Scanning her quickly, Shikaku guessed that she was about his age, and from the feel of her chakra levels, she was at least chunin level. She sported familiar faint scars on her hands, an easy sign that favored chakra strings.
'Her palms look smooth as if she oiled them and minimized signs of heavy callusing on the regular. Clearly a medic's hands, only they would have access to such care during the war,' It had been all too common to run out of oils for your hands at the frontlines, making it a necessity to just be able to fight with torn and bleeding calluses. 'Most people don't even bother caring for them much anymore.' Shikaku's own hands felt like sandpaper, rough and hard after years of bad hand care due to restricted supplies.
'Hmm, shirt and pants instead of the nurse dress? Looks like she's a competent medic-nin,' Low ranking medic-nin had to work with civilians before being allowed to heal shinobi, hence why they wore the civilian nurse dress. Though it looked like it was a bit tight in certain locations, betraying the fact that she hasn't been doing much training lately.
'Inoichi must have been extra offended that she didn't notice him,' He internally laughed as his eyes passed over a perfectly symmetrical face, a pleasing feature which should have gotten her attention, yet the sea of freckles that peppered her skin might cause less observant shinobi to not look twice at her. 'Honestly, that man, as if he hasn't dated women with more imperfections than a couple of sunspots.' Her narrow, upturned, pitch-black eyes met his, as her lips curled up to a polite smile, no recognition on her face. Stepping slowly closer, a clean scent wafted his nose, as her hair was a bit damp at the edges.
'Light muscled arms, so she usually trains but stopped for a while?' His eyes focused on her movements as she greeted him and began pulling out papers from under the makeshift reception, 'Flexible, with close-range cuts littered faintly over her bare arms and peaking from her collar bone.'
Dismissing her from his mind, she was just another person who could fade into the background of his life, he took the sheet she gave him and filled it out before signing in the program. Strolling down the hall, Shikaku paused as his ears picked up on a slight tapping. Glancing back, the kunoichi seemed to be tapping out something as she looked distractedly at her paperwork.
'A code?' Mentally noting that down to pick at later, probably when he was bored, he stepped into the program room where a few other shinobi were already seated. Sometimes Shikaku really did hate his brain for picking up every little detail.
'Arranged marriage, blood status, trauma from the war and grief of losing a partner.' Sighing internally, he avoided the others' curious gazes as he lazily walked to an empty chair. Making himself comfortable in a well-shaded seat, Shikaku held back a wince as he spotted Inoichi's cousin.
'Of course, Yamanaka Haruka.' Biting back a curse, Shikaku scolded himself for not realizing Inoichi meant her. 'I'm going to kill him. If this is some half-assed attempt at getting us to make up…' Biting back a curse, he slouched even further into his chair, praying that time would fly and he could leave already.
'This is not gonna work, I can't do this with her.' Shikaku must have zoned out for a while, as a loud scrape of a nearby chair pulled his attention back to the room. The chairs had all filled up by this point and Haruka had gotten herself some coffee and was currently finishing off the oddest looking pastry he had ever seen.
'It smells like lemon and ginger? What a peculiar combination. Chouza hasn't mentioned any new bakery or pastry line recently. Does the hospital have a new chef?' With the state of the entrance and makeshift reception desk, plus the exhausted-looking medic-nin, Shikaku figured the hospital was still overworked and lacking insufficient funds. 'They still don't prioritize the hospital budget enough then. So, there's no way they've acquired a new chef with unique recipes.'
Haruka sighed as she ate her slice, eyes half-masted in bliss as she savored every morsel. Shikaku twitched at seeing a peek of that woman's eyes. Yamanaka Haruka was a brutal, cutthroat interrogator, who had developed the Kyouhaku Warai no Jutsu, a fearsome genjutsu that she had perfected to the point where that bitch didn't need hand signs to cast it and all but mimicked a dojutsu.
'I haven't seen Haruka go half-mast since we were both chunin… What the hell is in that pastry?' Curiosity peaked, Shikaku noticed that he wasn't the only one looking curiously at the food.
"Hm? Oh, this? It was made by the founder of the program. Homemade, I believe." Her eyes closed as she gave a polite smile at the intrigued Inuzuka, edging her plate away from him as he sniffed the air in appreciation. Her mouth twitched as he spotted the inadvertent tell; it was too late for her to understate her pleasure and her complete lack of willingness to share it.
'Homemade huh?' Jonin, as a rule, didn't like homemade food from people they didn't know. Yet the fact that Haruka was refusing to share their worries on the food and edged away her plate from the partner-less Inuzuka…
'This sounds like the start of a bad joke; A half Uchiha, a Kurama, an Inuzuka and an Aburame all walk into an Alcohol Addiction Program.' Huffing in amusement, Shikaku smirked at Haruka's slight twitch at the corners of her smile, as he followed some of the more curious jonin to the table. Taking a slice of the odd cake, he quickly tested it for poison, before being satisfied that nothing harmful had been added to it. 'Though, if I missed something, I'm in the hospital. And I'd get out of this permanently if I did get poisoned by the founder.'
Sitting back down, Shikaku amused himself by stealthily noting which of their group positively adored the slice, and which were too puzzled by the combination to decide if they loved it yet or not. Taking a bite of his own, Shikaku hid his moan of pleasure. It wasn't as sweet as he had thought it would be. Instead, it was tart in flavor, with a wondrous blend of spices and a hint of sugar to offset the acidness of the lemon.
'This is really good… I wonder if they will do this every session?' Finishing it far faster than he had expected, Shikaku felt his mood was now ten times more agreeable than when he first entered. He spotted Haruka's relaxed pose, as she lounged about in her chair, making no attempt to hide the aura of danger around her. Her eyes were still shut, but Shikaku could spot the faint twinge of satisfaction and slight remorse lurking in the corners of her eyes, the curve of her lips, and the slight twitch in her hand.
'Not a bad tactic for getting us to lower our guard, even if you are the worst at sharing.' Unfortunately for Shikaku, that slice of cake was the last truly pleasurable thing in the meeting.
"Now, some of you may be wondering why on earth a program like this is being run for shinobi. Especially for you guys, the elite." She began, keeping her posture relaxed and her voice open and inviting, "Well I won't bore you with the founder's sob story or emotional reasoning, we all know that's not how the world works. However, they did have the numbers needed to actually show that this program is vital for us to recover and improve our forces. We all know war never truly ends, after all."
Shikaku silently fumed as he found his attention captured by her words, intrigued about what the founder — clearly a medic-nin, and considering the lack of staff he's seen so far, not a very high up one — had discovered in her research to allow this program to be pitched as for jonin and up; let alone actually getting off the ground.
"The short story is that you lot have the highest chance of recovery due to your chakra levels," Haruka smiled, keeping her face friendly, "The even shorter story is that you lot also have the highest chance of the most damage build up."
"So what's the long story?" The Inuzuka spoke up, asking what Shikaku had been mulling over quietly.
"Unfortunately — or fortunately, depending on your manner of seeing things — our founder only managed to look over 50 Tokujou's corpses," Haruka carried on, her voice no less friendly but carrying an extra kind of weight that wasn't there before.
Alarm pulsed through Shikaku, as his mind raced on what the founder's clearance level was, to be able to look over the corpses of the Tokujou.
"Wait a minute," The Uchiha man interrupted, face freezing over as his demeanor became unfriendly, "Who is this founder? Why can they look over so many corpses of our Tokujou? Were there any clan Tokujou among these examined corpses?"
Haruka remained cheerful as she flicked her long hair over her shoulder, "Well, our founder is a medic who, during the Third War, had to deal with non-clan shinobi thought to have non-fatal wounds that then became fatal. Of course, those wounds turning fatal were due to the hospital being overrun with the injured, and having had to prioritize the other, more urgent frontline patients. If it had been due to anything else, we wouldn't be here."
Silence echoed the room as they were all briefly brought back to the wretchedness of the war.
"Their job was to figure out what had caused these deaths and report it to the higher medics. And, again, due to a lack of sufficient medical personnel, our founder got to handle the fifty Tokujou in order to free up a medic for elsewhere. What they discovered during this period is the reason why this program exists." Haruka smiled, clapping her hands together as she stood up and pulled over a large chart with a variety of numbers on them.
Shikaku mulled over the statistics on the chart, as it was immediately clear that it was well researched and documented work, 'Are they really medic-nin? The Research and Development team loves number-crunching stats, and I doubt the hospital had time to compile this info without Lady Tsunade's iron heel stomping on their necks.'
The Kurama-woman spoke up, breaking Shikaku's musings as her bitter voice carried across the room, "What does this have to do with us? We're established, experienced Jonin, not Tokujou."
His hackles tensed as he saw that fucking smile change across Haruka's face, as she gleefully praised the other woman for her astute observation, "I'm glad you asked. While it's true that the founder didn't get a chance to look over the autopsy of any Jonin, I think we can all agree that Tokujou are very close to you, chakra-wise."
"That is a gross understatement. Why? Because there is a vast difference among Jonin regarding chakra levels and skill levels." Countered the Aburame, his voice flat and emotionless, with little intonation as he spoke. Shikaku's eyes twitched as he was strongly reminded of another group of shinobi he had encountered during the wars.
"Indulge me, Aburame-san. Unfortunately, the founder didn't handle a high enough body count to break up the Tokujou into more nuanced categories. But what was available to them, pointed to a disturbing trend." Haruka carried on, gesturing towards the chart behind her.
"Of the 50 non-clan Tokujou bodies examined, 23 were non-drinking and had died due to the wounds sustained in battle. However, the other 27 all had a various amount of scarring in their liver that was suddenly aggravated during battle, causing them to go into shock and die from either their bodies failing or leaving an opening for the enemy shinobi to deal with them."
Silence filled the room as everyone watched Haruka in bated breath, "Of the 27 bodies dead partially due to liver failure, 46% were suppressing "tipsy" symptoms. For those of you with a little medical background, that means they had either been drinking shortly before the battle or they had failed in suppressing all damage and were experiencing the symptoms of feeling tipsy."
The Inuzuka's eyes had glazed over a bit in a blatant attempt to figure out how many bodies made up 46 percent, causing Haruka to pause and state, "And to make what I'm telling you absolutely clear, I'll just stick only to the actual numbers from now on."
Shikaku held back a twitch as she turned to each of the members in the room, one by one. The damn woman's demeanor became serious and no-nonsense, as she made sure they were all giving her their full attention.
"The 8 Tokujou had scarring on their livers of moderate drunks, and their chakra circulation started stuttering so much during the battle that they began to feel the symptoms of nausea. Their healing rate then dropped, and their reaction time was halved as their body began to fatigue. "
Shikaku could feel the ache in his hands again as her face turned towards him, "The other 5 were binge drinkers and the last 2 were heavy drinkers. The build-up had become so large that just the slightest fluctuation in chakra was enough to start triggering liver failure. It would become worse if they didn't stabilize their chakra gates or get immediate assistance from a skilled medic. And all of them died not because of the enemy, but of the very poison they had injected into their bodies." Haruka paused once more before stating very firmly, "This caused them to become a risk for not only their teammates but the mission."
'Oh, she's good.' Shikaku thought, completely impressed and annoyed that the woman had managed to hit the two things every Konoha ninja feared to be; another Hatake Sakumo. A risk to the mission and a risk to the team.
Shikaku tracked the woman with his eyes as she walked closer to the center of the circle of chairs. 'What else is she up to?'
"Listen well, all of you. All of those stats of shinobi I just mentioned? All of them could have survived those battles if they had been in a program like this." Shikaku could hear the low whine coming from the Inuzuka beside him, "As I said, you all might have the highest chance of scarring and damage, but you also have the highest chance of survival and recovery."
Another loud clap brought their attention back to Haruka, as she spoke up once more, "I don't need to tell you how valuable you all are to the village. Or how much we allow Jonin to get away with." Slamming her hands against the back of the chair near her, the sound echoed as Shikaku cursed at her need for dramatics, "However, when you start becoming a risk for the village, then, of course, we have to step in. Welcome to the Support group ladies and gentlemen. Prepare yourselves, this will not be an easy program."
Staring at the blonde's smirking face, Shikaku wondered if he would get kicked out if he threw his plate at her.
'What a family of fucking drama queens.'
Walking out of the program room, Shikaku felt himself sag as his energy left him. The conversation had lightened after all that info dump, with Haruka getting them to state what they wanted to gain from this program; and after the first speaker, she had swiftly clarified that vague goals didn't count.
'I can't believe I have homework again,' Shikaku was too old to be doing this kind of stuff. After that irritating activity, the rest of the session was broken down to icebreakers and getting to know each other a bit more – well, as much as an anonymous program would allow— seeing as they would be working together for the next few months.
'What a drag. I just want to go to sleep,' He rubbed his temples in frustration before waving goodbye to the nearby Uchiha man, getting a slight nod in return. Stepping into the medic's room, he slumped into the patient chair as he waited for whoever was supposed to do his physical before he could leave this place.
A familiar lilac-haired woman stepped in as she pulled out a clipboard and began to scribble something on it before looking at him.
'Well now, isn't this a small world?' This program must be very small and not as well funded if the receptionist doubled as the medic-nin. 'You would think that with those disturbing statistics, and having Inoichi's clan backing them, the founder would get more support. Hell, they have Haruka of all people actively involved! This means…' Shikaku internally groaned as he realized that there had to be political maneuvering surrounding this program.
"Please stand right here, Nara-san. I will be taking in your weight." Her voice was surprisingly low and husky for a woman, or perhaps Shikaku had become too used to the higher-pitched, ear-piercing shrills of his wife.
'Don't tell me I have to go through the entire exam again? What a pain.' Slouching upwards he made his way in front of the scale, wondering if she wanted him to strip in front of her.
"We are creating a base point so we can monitor your detox during this process. Please take off your jacket, though you can leave your shirt on if it makes you more comfortable." Raising an eyebrow at her sudden remark, Shikaku knew he hadn't said anything, 'Now, that's an odd thing to say,' He thought, raising his eyebrow at her polite smile, 'Most medic-nin only make children, civilian women, and seniors comfortable. Kunoichi were always the exception of course, but for this one to let me keep my shirt on regardless of how it may hamper her… Curious.'
Deciding to probe that attitude slightly, Shikaku directly asked, "Why do you need to establish a base point when you could instead be using the data from my files? I just got through this last month, so the data wouldn't be inaccurate you know."
"Your identity is anonymous, thus I cannot go and get your files. That would be in direct contradiction to the whole point of this program, Nara-san. I'm afraid you're going to have to bear with me as I try to make this as quick as possible." Her voice was steady and professional, not a hint of annoyance or exasperation at his remarks. She continued to narrate what she was doing to him step by step and continuously kept asking him for permission before touching him or using a jutsu on him.
'Any other medic-nin would just scold me for being difficult or get someone who could bully me into compliance.' They were the bane of the shinobi force, as much as they were its saviors, Shikaku mused.
'Yet no one thinks to question, why so many of us just check ourselves out and leave the moment when we are physically able.' Intrigued by her professional yet odd manner, Shikaku found the exam to be over quicker than expected.
"That will be all for today, Nara-san. We will do a follow-up after the next session, though less intensive than today." Giving him a perfect bow, she made her way to another room to do the same to the Kurama. She seemed just as weirded out as he had been as the purple-haired medic-nin began to narrate what she was doing and why to the slowly calming Jonin.
'Interesting.' Continuing his way towards the exit of this damned place, Shikaku paused as he spotted the Aburame walk down the hall before suddenly suppressing his chakra and disappearing from his range without a trace.
'Well, that's not suspicious at all… And definitely seems to be a mark in favor of my hunch about him. I'll leave it be though, for now.'
As he reached the doors, Shikaku paused just before he passed the makeshift reception. 'The smell of lemon and ginger is strong here. Strange, why didn't I notice it before?' Trying not to look like an Inuzuka as he followed his nose, Shikaku found in short order the scent was coming from around the makeshift desk. Peering over the desk, he spotted a small brown bag. Casually using a kunai to prod it open, just on the slim chance it was trapped, he found only a bundle of familiar-looking bento boxes waiting for him. They were tied up neatly, with every sign they were being brought home instead of thrown out.
'So… The founder of this little program is the receptionist and our medic-nin. Curiouser and Curiouser.' Smirking softly at the number of curiosities he had come across in just one morning to keep himself entertained, Shikaku silently admitted that perhaps this wouldn't be the waste of time he had originally thought.
'Now to throttle a certain blonde for not warning me that my fucking ex was leading the group I'm in.'
"Well? How did it go?" These jerks, they actually came to pick him up like a damn Academy brat. Inoichi looked stupid, grinning at him like that, 'Acting all innocent and shit. As if that asshole didn't just throw me headfirst into a program where my fucking ex is the lead therapist… No way is this gonna work out.'
"You asshole. Why didn't you tell me Haruka was the 'cousin' you kept mentioning?" Inoichi was well aware of how explosively their relationship had ended, and that neither of them had stopped trying to cut the other down; so why the hell would he attend a program like this with her here?
"Because I knew you would be a pain in the ass and try to wiggle out of it without even giving it a chance. And besides, hasn't your hissing contests gone on long enough? It's been years and you only dated, what, two months?" He smirked, clearly taking pleasure from his discomfort.
'This freaking sadist.' He internally grumbled. Shikaku was fully aware that it was years ago and both of them had had other boyfriends and girlfriends after each other, 'But honestly? Haruka takes glee in pinpointing soft spots she can then gouge out verbally. I always feel like I'm under T&I's knives when I have to deal with her.'
"He has a point, both of you hiss at each other like alley cats even at Clan meetings. It's been years, Shikaku, and Haruka is one of the best out there. Honestly, besides the little spats that you start, did she give any trouble during this session?" Chouza, at least, looked a little more worried that he would stop going with Haruka there.
Sighing loudly Shikaku dragged his hand down his face as he muttered a low, "No." Haruka loved her job, and was always the pinnacle of professional work in any work setting; this program had been no different. Glancing to the side, Shikaku internally winced as he spotted a nearby trash; there were at least fifteen bags of snacks in the nearby garbage.
'Has he been stress eating his least favorite flavors during the whole meeting?' Looking back at the sympathetic-looking Akimichi, Shikaku felt himself caving, 'Chouza…' Turning his face to the side, he just tsked in annoyance at Inoichi's pleased look; Inoichi knew him too well.
"Now that that's been settled, how did your first session go?" Inoichi smirked at Choza's question, leaning against Shikaku as he and Chouza both looked expectantly at him.
"Don't try and weasel out of the answer, Shika."
If the blonde felt he could tease him like this, then he obviously knew that Shikaku would return. Chouza slowly relaxed as he took in their postures, the wrinkles smoothing from his forehead.
"It was... Interesting." He muttered, starting to walk away to the nearest restaurant. It was way past noon and he had no intention of going back home to eat something in the Nara compound.
'Knowing my luck, I'll run into Yoshino or my parents.' He wasn't in the mood for a screaming or condescending lecture, thank you very much.
"Oh? …What did you notice?" Shikaku relaxed as Chouza smiled down at them. It really was like being back in the Academy again, with Inoichi constantly pestering him with his need to know everything.
'A puzzle and a mystery to make things interesting for a while.' Shikaku didn't know how to be a peacetime ninja. It was boring and odd to not constantly be on call to throw himself into a hot zone on the front. But, maybe this would keep his interest enough till he could prove through this… Weird program that he was good enough to get the Jonin Commander position.
"What, you don't think the program made me see the error of my ways and is just that good?" He snarked, biting back a grin at Inoichi's offended face. He really did make riling him up too easy.
"No. At least, not after one session." Chouza said, stepping in between the two as he steered them to an Akimichi owned barbeque place nearby. Pausing their conversation they stepped into the restaurant where a chipper-looking young woman cheerfully led them to a private booth. Giving her their order, Shikaku spotted the knowing look in Inoichi's eyes as he changed his mind on what he wanted to eat before dismissing the young woman. His green eyes tracked her for a moment before turning to focus on Shikaku.
'Of course, he noticed too, and people think I'm creepy. Clearly, they have been fooled by Inoichi's friendly face.' The man had already figured out that their waiter was having an affair with another patron, and that the waitress attending the other group beside them was showing signs of early pregnancy.
The young woman was quick as she brought out the plates full of raw meat and gave them the tools they would need to cook before leaving them to their meal. Relaxing into his seat, Chouza activated the privacy seals as they waited for their meat to cook.
"So?" Inoichi grumbled. The bastard had already picked up a lot from Shikaku's tone and body posture, but apparently, that wasn't enough. Still smarting with annoyance at being forced to attend and agree to continue these sessions with his fucking ex, Shikaku decided that, yes, he was feeling petty.
"Hmmm, no, I don't think I'll tell you." Smirking at Chouza's burst of laughter at his words, Shikaku avoided Inoichi's chopsticks, as the blonde menace tried to steal his meat in retaliation.
"Shikaku! You can't bring it up and then not tell me, you bastard!" His over-the-top dramatics had Shikaku relaxing because it meant his friend wasn't really upset and silently agreed to let Shikaku deal with whatever he had noticed.
'My marriage might be shit, and my clan will probably throw me at some other woman soon after the divorce, but at least I still have these two to make life bearable.'
"Now, now you two." Chouza actually had the gall to say that while he stole half of their food during Shikaku and Inoichi's chopstick fight.
"Shikaku!" And of course, Inoichi would blame him for the whole mess.
An Observation from my beta:
A typical encounter prior to the group meeting:
Shikaku: freezes like one of his deer Perhaps if I make no sudden movement, Haruka can't see me.
Haruka: smirks knowingly and raises a sardonic eyebrow at Shikaku
Shikaku: Oh fuck this, I'm going to bring up the Iced Cat incident from last week I shouldn't know about but made sure to learn because Haruka would hate it.
Hakaze, kneeling before a homemade altar: I cannot fucking believe that I'm actually using statistics. I'm justifying that being a mandatory class.
Hakaze, lighting incense for the altar: I know I complained a ton, but thanks, professor! It's actually useful and helpful, and I'm going to make these stupid magical ninja eat my charts without salt!
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