Note: HEY GUYS! I have no idea why was being a pain but you all can read Chapter 3 now! And here is Chapter 4! I guess for some of you this is like a double update huh? Anywho, here is a big thank you to my beautiful beta Hybris! She is so amazing to help me with this story!

"And in fragmented darkness,

I knew that his lunar smile

would captivate the moon

and always be the reason

for my soul's eclipse."

Chapter 4

"-looked at me like they didn't even know me. I didn't even know myself at that moment. All I could think of was the dying howls of my partner and just wanting to make the memory go away." Shikaku looked away as the Inuzuka finished his story, his stomach turning as he recalled the few times right after the war that he had drunkenly gone too far.

'What a drag.' He thought, slumping further into his chair as the Inuzuka took a long sip of his water. The Aburame had continued to look puzzled during the entire process, not understanding anything at all. After a few sessions of observing him, Shikaku could easily claim that he was probably career-ANBU.

'Though there is still something...not right about that.' Shikaku played with multiple theories on the truth behind the Aburame, attempting to tune out the rest of the session and push away the uncomfortable feelings rising up.

"Thank you for sharing, Inuzuka-san. That showed a lot of strength and courage to do so." Glancing at the blonde from the corner of his eye, Shikaku wondered just when she had learned to sound so goddamn sincere.

'...I thought this was just an obligation project.' Did that sadistic menace actually like this job?

"I know for many of you this was a rougher experience than the previous ones. We will be following up next week with techniques to implement in our daily lives when we find ourselves spiralling out of control. Hakaze-sensei will be checking up on those that weren't looked at before this session. There are three of you, you know who you are. Make sure you get looked over for your detox progress before going home. See you all next session." A sharp glance was thrown his way had him sighing loudly, completely done with the day and knowing the woman would make his life worse if he dared skip.

Meandering out of the room, Shikaku walked past the Kurama woman and Ito-san speaking lowly to the Inuzuka, patting the sad man on his shoulder as he weakly smiled, at their words.

Ignoring the bizarre sight, Shikaku spotted the purple-haired woman setting up the space in the room across the hall.

'It has only been a few weeks, yet she's lost quite a bit of weight.' Shikaku narrowed his eyes as he scanned her from head to toe. Her muscles were still defined, so she obviously still trained, but her stamina must have dropped along with that weight.

'It's weird seeing her without her sea of freckles.' Her skin was wan, and she had a thicker coating of makeup on than usual. It was ridiculous how many of the men had suddenly checked her out.

'Idiots. All of them. As if they can't tell she's stressed and overworked.' Her hair seemed to be losing its lustre and was sloppily placed in a high bun.

'Yet….her food has been just as delicious as always.' Honestly, at this point, Shikaku felt that her treats were the only true highlight of this program. It was the one thing that gave him great pleasure.

'This time a delicious pudding-like treat, except instead of caramel sauce on top, it was toasted sugar that cracked when you ate it. It was a bit sweeter than her normal treats, honey with a hint of cinnamon.' He wasn't too much of a sweets guy, but that small amount was enough for him to truly enjoy it. Sighing at having to get his stupid bloodwork done, Shikaku weighed on the pros and cons of just leaving, without anyone any wiser.

Turning to look back at the room, he could spot Haruka just raising an eyebrow at him. Her entire aura seemed to ask him if he 'really wanted to get better?'. Frustration filled through him as he tsked loudly before entering the room in a slouch.

"Hakaze-sensei?" Suspicion flickered through him as she didn't even startle nor flinch at his presence.

'Strange...I had been suppressing my chakra all of this time, how did she notice me?' Narrowing his eyes, he spotted a strange doodle on her clipboard, looking like a bunch of loops were squished together in a line. Hakaze-sensei smiled gently at him as she gestured towards the chair.

"Step right this way, Nara-san. I will need you to please stay still, I am going to be drawing some blood for testing."

Her gentle smile, the soft tone in her voice, the cheerful look in her gaze; all of it was really pissing him off. Irritation filled his body as he slumped into the chair; he could feel his hackles rising as she grabbed the needle from the desk.

"Troublesome." He grumbled, trying to resist the urge to break something. One eye on the tray of tubes and needles on the table, Shikaku wondered if it was truly necessary to take so much blood?

'What a goddamn pain.'

"But necessary, Nara-san." Her even tone was just as annoying as her soft one. What did she know about necessity?

"And how is it a necessity to constantly have to draw this much blood?" At this point Shikaku didn't care that he was being difficult, he just wanted to leave. It had been hard going on detox, and he couldn't deny that if it weren't for Choza and Inoichi looking out for him, he would have drunken himself to a stupor again.

'Yoshino has been such a pain lately too. Why the hell is she so pissed that I didn't try this earlier? This program wasn't even around back then!' Irritating! Why was everyone so damn irritating!

"It's necessary to do, but I will not force you to go through with it. This is a voluntary program, not a mandatory one. Regardless, I wish to respect your boundaries so you are as comfortable as possible."

'What kind of bullshit is coming out of her mouth?' Clenching his teeth, Shikaku wondered who the hell this person was.

"Good lines, but I'm neither comfortable nor have I been getting to keep my 'boundaries' since I've been here." Smirking at the hint of confusion on her face, Shikaku wondered how she would reply to that.

"What can I do to make you more comfortable then, Nara-san?"

Laughing bitterly, Shikaku pushed himself away from her as he grinned cruelly at her. "Hakaze-sensei, the only thing you can do is to open your damn eyes and quit pretending to give a damn. Any real ninja wouldn't give away so much as a crumb of their care to strangers, and here you are, running to hand over a whole serving."

"You aren't a stranger; you are a comrade. And if helping you grow stronger and healthier can be done by showing a little bit of care, then that is what I will do." Taking another step back to give him space, Shikaku watched how she lowered the needle and placed her hands where he could see them, away from anything that could be thrown at him.

Sneering at her level of naivete, Shikaku snapped back, "Comrade? You think you're qualified to be my comrade? As if you've even been outside the Village with that attitude; "kindness and care"... I'm a Jonin who made my name on the war front. Where were you, sensei? Here in the hospital, safe and sound?"

Something dark inside of him curled in satisfaction at seeing her become more and more stoic with every word that came from his mouth. She now almost looked like every other shinobi in Konoha.

"Is a shinobi's value only proven on a war front Nara-san? What now, now that we have peace?" He hated her calm, even tone; as if she wasn't upset by what he was saying. Acting like she was above it all, better than him and everything that he sacrificed for people like her to live comfortably; he hated it.

"The only comrades I have served on the front. And do you honestly think for one minute that this is peace? We slaughtered until they couldn't afford to throw more bodies our way! In another ten years, we'll be marching into the Fourth War, and that's if we're lucky."

Why couldn't she see the truth for what it was? They would never have permanent peace, nor would any of them be allowed any true lasting happiness? The Wars just kept coming, becoming more brutal and with shorter periods of peace between them. So who cares if he has a few vices? Life is short and then you die painfully.

"Nara-san, what do you know about the Genin Corps? Have you ever interacted with someone from the Corps?" Is she deaf? Why on earth is she bringing that low tier group up?

"No. What does that have to do with-" Startling at the fierce look as she glanced at him from the corner of her eyes, Shikaku felt baffled when he saw her turn so her back was facing him as she cut him off.

'Why? Why does she show such a vulnerable side when I've just finished attacking her verbally? Shouldn't she not trust me?'

"The Genin Corps is a source of labour and bodies to handle everything no one else wants or has the time to do. This means, if you're unlucky enough to not impress a Jonin-sensei in a time of war, you get sent to the battlefield to do all the dirty, dangerous tasks that would be an ineffective use of resources to give to Jonin-track genin or chunin." Raising an eyebrow at this sudden change of topic, Shikaku wondered if there was even a point to all of this.

'Tragic situation, but what did that matter? They chose to be ninja.'

"The most common task in my experience was battlefield cleanup and corpse retrieval. We were ordered to retrieve friend and foe alike, as Konoha could make use of enemy corpses one way or another. If you can't identify on sight, such as if the corpse has rotted too much or if there's only so much shredded meat... then you're required to sift through the remaining gore until you find something you can identify with." Sitting up straight at her words, Shikaku looked her over again.

'She had been a Corps Genin? But...she's neither bitter nor pathetically weak.' He wondered who she had met to manage to gain the skills enough to get out of that career dead-end at such a young age.

"Konoha has very firm views of making the best use of our assets, and it's a common belief that there's always more Genin Corp bodies you can throw at the issue if you get the previous batch killed. So if your commanding officer feels like it is the best use of your time to go into a zone that hasn't entirely been cleared, or directly into active fighting if they spot the enemy retrieving their bodies, you go." Her shoulders trembled slightly as she appeared to lose herself to memories for a minute. A weird, heavy feeling began to bug Shikaku as he looked away from her, as she continued in a firm, factual tone. Had the Genin Corps situation always sounded so… Cruel?

"And effectively, most Genin Corps have only what they learned in the Academy with which to defend ourselves. No one trains, conditions, or gives provisions to us beyond the minimum required to the genin rank. I'm here today, alive and not another body the Genin Corps needs to pack into an already straining Body Scroll, because I managed to qualify for an apprenticeship as a nurse."

'Well, I fucked up.' Swallowing down his shame at the slight tremor in her hands, Shikaku winced as she turned around to give him an empty smile while her eyes dully shone with unshed tears.

"So, not only am I your comrade by your own criteria Nara-san, I am much more intimately familiar with how many corpses littered the front and our hospital."

'Shit, please don't cry.' He really didn't know how to handle crying girls, they always made him uncomfortable and just want to leave.

"Now then, here's your prescription for the next step of your detox. I am going to get another, more qualified medic-nin to draw your blood, as I am clearly not up to your standards. Good day, Nara-san."

Watching her walk out the room with her head held high, he poured a little bit of chakra to his ears, as he heard her make it to her makeshift desk. Another medic-nin came by, one who blatantly treated this as an annoyance, and as she was drawing his blood he heard Hakaze-sensei leave the building after picking up her stuff. Wincing in guilt as the medic-nin declared him free to leave, he heard Hakaze-sensei choke on muffled sobs as she made her way down the street.

'Fuck.'

Avoiding Choza and Inoichi after that scene was a bit harder than he thought. Thankfully, when he was motivated, he could escape their grasp long enough to get back to the Nara compound.

'Rather face my loving wife, than talk to Inoichi and Choza about what an asshole I was… Gods, I've hit a new low.'

Reaching his house, Shikaku sighed in relief that he couldn't sense Yoshino anywhere; maybe he'd get a night of peace for once. He must have spoken too soon, for just as he made himself comfortable on the ground his parents decided to barge in his life. Per usual for his life.

"Shikaku! What's this I hear about Yoshino-chan asking for a divorce? What have you done to her?" Of course, his mother would sound so offended about that little decision; she had clicked with his wife from the moment they met. And somehow because of that, she had made the decision to have Yoshino marry him.

"Thanks, Mom. Glad to know that you immediately would suspect it's my fault for the reason for why my wife would ask for a divorce." Covering his eyes with his arm, Shikaku prayed that someone would just pop by and interrupt this. Hell, he'd even settle for Yoshino at this point.

"Yoshino-chan is a lovely young woman! Why on earth would you drive her away?" Wincing as his mother smacked him hard on the leg, Shikaku slouched into a sitting position, completely ignoring her grumbles about his bad posture. Of course, his dad would just look at this whole thing with an amused look; gods, he was such an asshole.

"Instead of blaming me, why don't you just respect her decision?" Shikaku mentally winces as his mother visibly grew more and more furious at his words, her hair crackling with chakra. Lightning natured ninjas always gave themselves away with their hair, and his mother's was quite emotive.

"Now, now dear, calm down. Shikaku, how can we help you if you don't tell us what's wrong?" Just a touch from his father and his mother just ...melted.

'If I had tried that with Yoshino, she would have stabbed my hand with a kunai and then blamed me for it for the rest of the day.' He honestly couldn't recall a single moment that his wife had ever listened to his words outside of the battlefield.

"We are incompatible. Enough said." He didn't want to get into this with them. How could he explain every single issue they've been having for the last 3 years, without them then blaming him for not doing enough to get her pregnant?

'How exactly do I tell them it feels wrong to have sex with her, and she clearly hates my touch?' He wasn't broken, wrong, or "less than a man" because he needed more than physical attractiveness to enjoy it, alright?

Something must have shown on his face because his mother grew quiet for a moment before sitting down next to him with a sympathetic gaze.

"Is this because you haven't had a baby yet?" Of course, she would figure out one of the main reasons for their strained relationship, just like that.

"You two are still young enough, she can keep on trying with you! No sense in giving up after 3 years of marriage. After all, you didn't arrive until our 5th year of marriage." She looked so confident as she beamed next to him, as if she had solved all of Shikaku's problems with the reveal of that little tidbit.

'She didn't fall for me like you did with Dad, Mom.' He mentally groaned.

"It's not just the lack of being pregnant, Mom. She hated having to give up being a shinobi to be my bride, and I grew tired of having someone nag and criticize me every day of my damn life."

'The number of times she's thrown that in my face... As if I were the one who made that decision for her.'

"I know it's a struggle for many women but don't worry. She's a responsible girl, she'll get over it as I did. She knows her duty to the clan is more important." He honestly did not believe his mother could actually believe the bullshit she just said. Staring at her in disbelief, he rolled his eyes as his father reached down and threaded his fingers with her.

"Besides, Shikaku, you're a Nara-man. You need a tough and strong partner in your life. How else do you think I get your Father to do anything? And you are so like him..." It was great to know his parents still loved and cared for each other after years of being married, but honestly, he could do without them rubbing it in his face when his own marriage was a flaming wreck.

"She's right, Son. Strong women keep us grounded when we'd otherwise lose ourselves in our heads. Besides, a strong woman needs our darkness to take shelter in when she's been strong for too long. We balance each other out, just as you and Yoshino do."

Dragging his hands over his face, Shikaku slouched deeper in exhaustion. 'It feels like I'm talking to a brick wall. No, two brick walls.'

"I don't like her and she barely likes me." He groaned out, ignoring his mother smacking him on the shoulder and trying to force him to sit up straight.

"Pah, that's cause you two are fighting right now. Once you calm down you'll make up and see all of the wonderful qualities in her, just like we did. She will be an excellent asset when you take up the mantle as Clan Head." Is Yoshino a person or an accessory to them? Seriously, half of the time he couldn't tell if his parents wanted her to be their child or they thought she was something to add to his skillset; like a special kunai.

"Mom, enough. Just admit that you were wrong when you picked her for me, and get over it. We are getting a divorce and that's that." Honestly, Shikaku couldn't wait for the day to arrive. He wanted to be able to live in his own damn house instead of jumping from couch to couch at his friend's homes.

"...It's that damn civilian program you're in, isn't it? It's made you spoiled, interacting with all those weak-willed people." His mother seemed to grow colder as her voice turned more disapproving by the second. An uncomfortable look passed his father's face but he didn't verbally disagree with her either.

'What does that have to do with my failed marriage?' Leaning away from his parents, an uncomfortable feeling rose up in his chest as he tried to understand what his mother was trying to say.

"How many times do I need to tell you this, Shikaku? Nara men need strong women; if you just let her do her duty, then you wouldn't have this whole drinking issue and you'd be much happier."

Standing up, Shikaku agitatedly backed away as his mother grew closer into his space.

"The people in that program are neither civilians nor are they weak-willed." After listening to them talk for the last few weeks, he couldn't deny the fact that they'd managed to survive and keep most of their sanity, no matter how they'd tried to cope with it afterwards, was a sign of strength.

"Now, son, I know some of them may be your comrades, but falling into addiction is not a sign of strength." Raising an eyebrow at his father's input, Shikaku distinctly recalled him drinking excessively himself when he had been a child.

"Then I must be weak too, by that account." He rebutted, feeling aggravated that they would put down his comrades while simultaneously ignoring he was no different than them in this.

"No, you just got lost in your head. Just like your father used to when he finished fighting after the First Shinobi War; but I didn't let him lose himself, and he got over it." His mother looked so annoyed at him, as if he was the one being difficult and that he was making a bigger deal out of his issues than they actually were.

"That's ...Not how it works, Mom." Shikaku hid a wince as he recalled the early months of his marriage; of him trying to just... not drink, and be fine with marrying a virtual stranger. Even from the beginning, the way they had been shoved together had left cracks in the foundation. As the cracks in their relationship kept getting worse and worse, the harder he and Yoshino tried to make it work. Until he gave up on trying to make Yoshino even tolerate him, and went on a drinking bender that had left him in a worse place than he had been before marrying her.

'It never was on Yoshino to fix me, she can't even fix her own personal issues. And to hell with her "role", her only role is whatever the fuck she wants.'

"Sure it does, you are just being brainwashed by that strange civilian idea that you are sick. Bah, all you need is a firm hand and boom, your bad habit will be gone and eventually, I will have grandchildren to spoil."

Holding back a skeptical look, Shikaku internally scoffed at the idea of either Hakaze-sensei or that blond menace trying to brainwash him.

'I've seen Haruka at work, and that woman has a clear and distinct style. I highly doubt her trying to get me to talk about my experiences is brainwashing in any way.' Of course, his father had decided to add his two ryo to this bizarre conversation, just make this whole situation more awkward.

"Listen to your Mother, Son, she helped me a lot after the First War, especially after the Second," Shikaku recalled those days, where his father would drink late at night and his mother would send Shikaku away to his cousins. He doesn't know exactly how his dad stopped, but eventually, his mom managed to bully him into obeying her.

"That's right, I did. Because I knew he didn't need kindness or softness, it'd just have him continue rotting in place. He, and you, just needed a good firm smack over your heads and a strong grip on the alcohol intake. I'll speak to Yoshino-chan so she can do exactly what I did. You'll be fixed up in no time." Stepping back towards the house, Shikaku shook his head at his parents, clearly, he would find no rest here.

"Stop trying to get us back together. Yoshino won't help me and I am not stopping the program." At least there he had a few puzzles to work with, and some delicious treats to explore. And if a part of him liked hearing about the other's experiences, well that was between him and himself.

"Why must you be so stubborn? Can't you see that it's just a waste of time? You have to focus more on your marriage if you want to save it. Make time for your spouse, or they start to wander and get ideas." His mother followed him into the house, dragging his father along, and made it absolutely clear she was against Shikaku dropping this topic.

'This tells me more about my parents than I ever wanted to know.' Reaching the main entrance way, Shikaku tried one last time to get his mom off his back.

'I know they care, but this has gone on long enough.'

"We tried, Mom, I tried "making time." It doesn't work. We're beyond fixing this." Putting his sandals on, Shikaku internally bemoaned the fact that he was basically being run out of his own home. Again.

"Son, we only want what's best for you." He had never thought that his father could be just as troublesome as his mother.

'But you really do learn something new everyday.'

"And that is not Yoshino." He rebutted, staring his father down. Now if only his mother could take a hint...

"Shikaku-"

"No, Mother. That is enough. I will not be dropping the program, and that's final. It has helped quite a bit. I am slowly detoxing - on my own - and have been talking with a Yamanaka about things. I am not weak for asking help from my comrades… And neither are the people who are in the group with me." He still didn't like the program, and there were days that he left there feeling more like shit than ever. However... a small part couldn't deny that it helped, at least a little bit, to know that he wasn't the only one struggling.

"But, Shikaku-" Shikaku glared down at the hand on his shoulder. A part of him couldn't help but feel a little betrayed as his father just kept pushing him when he'd heard all his life how similar they were; his father should understand him if that was the case, not ignore him.

"No, Dad. I've heard enough." Shrugging the hand off, he backed away from his parents, making it fucking obvious he didn't want any of them in his space right now. Opening the door and ignoring his mother's cries, he walked out into the street before jumping on the roof.

"Wait, where are you-"

'Sheesh, it's like my parents want me to lose all standing in the Clan before I even become Clan Head.'

Having had enough of this day, Shikaku escaped from his own damn house and went to the main streets of the village. Clearly he would get no rest with his Clan tonight.

After managing to sleep a little in a forested area near the memorial grounds, Shikaku finally felt well rested and clear headed enough to figure out what to do.

'I fucked up. So, now what.'

Rubbing his face tiredly, Shikaku sighed as he decided that he was that much of an asshole to not even be able to own up his mistakes and apologize.

'Fuck. How do I even apologize? Have I ever apologized?' Many forms of non-apologies were the norm in the jonin circles, such as offering and exchanging services that normally would have cost a lot as a quiet way to make it up to someone... without actually apologizing.

'Something tells me Hakaze-sensei isn't one of those people.' Tsk-ing loudly, Shikaku swore a bit under his breath as he made his way to his teammate's house.

'Inoichi, or more likely Choza, better know how to fix this. I only want to tell this story once.'

Sensing both Inoichi and Choza in the flower shop, Shikaku groaned as he dragged his feet into the building, giving a half-hearted wave to the blonde's understanding wife.

'Seriously, that woman is way above Inoichi's league.' Meandering into the living room, Shikaku slumped against the doorway as his teammates turned to look at him; both of them raising their eyebrows at the exact same time.

"I fucked up." No use beating around the bush at this point. They both knew he could be a cruel asshole when irritated.

"No shit. What's new?" Glaring at the unimpressed blonde, Shikaku shoved his legs over and sat on the couch next to him. It really wasn't fair that he had the comfiest one out of the three of them. Inoichi didn't deserve such a great couch.

"Fuck off, Inoichi. I mean it, I really fucked up." It was those little muffled sobs at the end that did it. If she hadn't cried…

'But that's not fair to her, is it? Why should she stifle her feelings to make the jerk that hurt her feel better?'

"Did you drink yourself stupid?" Choza asked, sitting on a nearby chair and munching on some fruits.

"No." Though he did crave a drink like crazy. Gods, all of this had become so much harder than he had ever expected. 'Was I that dependent on a drink to get through the day?'

"Did you cheat on Yoshino?" Throwing a dirty look at his half teasing, half serious teammate, Shikaku kicked him in the leg and made the blonde yelp.

"I haven't slept with, nor romanced, anyone if that's what you're asking." Until the day came that he was a single man again, he wasn't planning on doing anything with anyone. He had enough drama in his life, thank you very much.

"...Ok, I give up. How did you fuck up?" Thankfully Choza ended their little guessing game before Inoichi threw some truly outlandish theories.

"First, you have to promise to help me." Shikaku knew that Choza would help him regardless, but Inoichi? His mood made him slightly unpredictable at times.

"Why wouldn't we?" And the fucker had the gall to try and look innocent; as if he had never laughed so hard at him he'd made himself sick before.

"Because you're an asshole, Inoichi, and might decide it's 'for my own good." Like that time Shikaku was forced - on his own, he might add- to tell his mother on what had really happened to her favourite vase, even though Inoichi had a hand on its destruction.

"Well that is a very good point, you should be old enough to- '' Thankfully for Shikaku's sanity, Choza shut up their friend by throwing a slice of fruit into his mouth. It really was amazing how watching the blonde choke and swear up a storm improved his mood.

"Let's hear him out first."

Ignoring the proud look in Choza's face, Shikaku sank into the couch as he began to explain what had happened with Hakaze-sensei earlier that day. Inoichi didn't exactly make the retelling easy but the fact that his friend was giving him a small smile, made Shikaku hope that between the three of them, he could manage to apologize to the woman.

'I guess this is what Haruka means by, 'Working to better ourselves'... I hate it when she's right.'

Thank you so much for your support! Hope you enjoyed the new chapter! Please feel free to comment and review!