Note: Sorry for the late post! RL has been wild!
"And in fragmented darkness,
I knew that his lunar smile
would captivate the moon
and always be the reason
for my soul's eclipse."
Chapter 5
'Stupid, assholish, son of a Shadowfucker!' Blinking hard as she tried to stifle her tears, Hakaze quickly walked away from the hospital. 'It's bullshit like that, stupid thinking like that causes so much grief and resentment to fester.'
Losing track of how long she had been walking, Hakaze looked around to realize her feet had taken her to the one place she had been subconsciously avoiding.
'The Memorial Stone.' The large kunai shaped stone gleamed in the sun, mocking her with the names of people she had pulled away from to survive.
'Damn Danzo and his evil organization! I swear if he wasn't such a boogie-man, things would be different.' Or at least, that's what Hakaze liked to tell herself.
'I'm such a hypocrite. Here I am cursing out Nara-san, when in reality I'm no better.' Standing in front of the memorial, she knelt down and began to count all the genin she knew who had been part of the corps when she was young.
'20 year mates, 15 senpai and 30 kohai. All civilians or unwanted bastards.' The dregs of the shinobi world; neither important enough nor with enough connections to be anything more than canon fodder.
Gripping her elbows, Hakaze seemed to curl into herself as silent tears ran down her face. She could picture it so clearly like it was yesterday; trying to survive the war, barely ever having enough to eat and of course, her biggest regret…' The Genin Corps was like a family for many of them; how many did I push away to survive? How many had wished to invite me into their family?'
She shouldn't be so hard with herself, what's done is done and can never be undone. All you can do in life is to try to live with the least amount of regrets. In the end, Hakaze had wanted to survive with as much as her heart intact as possible, 'If I had gotten close to them if I had let myself know them...I know I would have shattered.'
She still had too much to do, too much to accomplish to break like that.
'I can't dwell over the past like this, I have to keep moving forward.' Biting her lip, Hakaze knew they were just empty words; a part of her would always dwell on what she had done. Still, maybe if she said it to herself enough times, it would come true.
Wiping her tears, she laughed at herself. Her legs had gone numb and she couldn't find the strength to get up.
'Brave, empty words and a soft heart, isn't that just me in a nutshell?' Ruefully smiling, Hakaze activated her genjutsu around her ears. If she had to stay here for a little bit longer, then she'd honour them properly.
Strings of a guitar began to softly play as she quietly began to listen as the woman began to sing the following lyrics.
'If I die young, bury me in satin, lay me down on a bed of roses, Sink me in the river at dawn, Send me away with the words of a love song…' Memories of young children, teenagers and some adults passed through her mind, as she carefully took in the song, crying out every bit of regret she still had over their deaths with each passing word.
'Let it all out, Hakaze, and then move on.' More tears streamed down her face, unnoticed by Hakaze as she indulged herself in the torrent of overflowing emotions. Through the turmoil, she didn't notice the seal in her kunai pouch acting up as someone came up behind her as she listened to the last line of the song.
'So put on your best boys, and I'll wear my pearls…'
"Hakaze-chan." Glancing behind, Hakaze was surprised to see the blonde staring at her with a neutral look on her face. Once the moment of shock faded, the memory of how she had run off without a word kicked back in without her grief clouding her mind.
'I was pretty irresponsible, just leaving without telling her where I was going or finishing my duties.' Looking back at the Memorial Stone, Hakaze felt Haruka-san move to stand next to her, both of them just staring in silence at the long list of names.
"Would you like to talk about it, Hakaze-chan?" Shaking her head softly, she kept her gaze straight ahead.
'So much for having her respect me.' Clearing her throat, Hakaze tried to clarify herself, feeling she had nothing more to lose at this point.
"I don't want you to lose any more respect for me, Haruka-san, so I don't want to talk about it with you… But, if you know of another therapist, then I would like to speak to them."
'Don't forget your reasons, Hakaze, she reminded herself, Don't you let this world brainwash you like it's done to everyone else. You need to talk to someone about this. Be better, let go and move on. Monkey see monkey do. Not, "do as I say, not as I do."'
Turning to see how the blonde reacted to her words, Hakaze was surprised to see Haruka-san look proudly at her.
'What?'
"Yes, I know someone I can recommend to you. Honestly, you shouldn't worry about losing my respect, Hazake-chan. If anything, you just keep raising my respect for you." Staring in disbelief at the woman, Hakaze wondered how on earth she had done that as Haruka held a hand out in an offer to help her up.
'Maybe I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth.' Smiling weakly back, she wiped her tears away and gratefully took her (colleague? Friend's?) hand as she was gently pulled up.
"Shall we go back and deal with the last group of the day?" Looking into the smiling woman's face, Hakaze gave her own wobbly smile.
"Yes. Thank you, Haruka...chan." Haruka grinned even wider as she began to tug Hakaze down the street and back to the hospital.
"You're welcome, Hakaze-chan."
Walking down the street after the too long week, Hakaze hummed thoughtfully as she wondered how long Nara-san would try and avoid her.
'I should try talking with him tomorrow and… Well, not apologize since I wasn't in the wrong, but I can admit I shouldn't have used such confrontational language when he was obviously stressed. Be the bigger person, Hakaze, you're here to help.' After all, she couldn't keep bothering the other medics for doing the job she was supposed to be doing.
'Plus, I'm running out of favours to call upon.' Sighing as she turned around the corner, she hefted her bag over her shoulder as she neared the Genin Corps Centre.
The sounds of metal hitting wood and steel echoed, as the training grounds continued to be in use, even this late in the day.
'These fields always used to be booked back then. I could rarely get a chance to use them due to seniority among the groups.' Waving at the few genin that recognized her, Hakaze made her way inside and towards Genin Commander's office.
Noting the open door, she leaned against the door as a familiar face worked furiously over a huge stack of paperwork.
"Knock, Knock. Delivery for one Sato Ken!"
Startled brown eyes met her own as a grin slowly spread across his face. Smiling back at the tired-looking man, she sauntered in and placed her bag on the chair in front of his desk.
"I figured it had been too long since I popped in to say hi. So, as penance, I come bringing delicious treats, great and small, for the Corps." It had been nearly two months since she had last visited, finding herself too busy trying to make ends meet with her two jobs and getting her program running smoothly.
"Hakaze-chan! How wonderful to see you! Please have a seat, I'm just finishing up." The man still looked like a good gust of wind could knock him over, completely unchanged from the last time she saw him.
'Clearly, he's been stressing too much to eat properly. I think he's actually lost weight.' Making a mental note to talk to the man's girlfriend and see how his food intake has progressed, Hakaze leaned backwards as Ken gestured for her to sit.
"You sure? I can just leave the pastries and go if you're pressed for time." The last thing she needed was to add more stress to his current workload.
"No, at least let me get you a cup of tea before you make your way out." Sitting in the offered chair, Hakaze took out three sun-dried tomatoes, thyme and asiago scones; placing them on a napkin next to the writing man's papers and in easy reach.
"How thoughtful of you, Ken. I'll take you up on that offer." She had been craving some green tea. It'd also be nice to catch up with one of the few friends she had.
"It's always nice to see you." He murmured, finishing the last paper before pausing to stretch out the kinks in his back. Staring in amusement as he made a happy sound while finally eating his scones, Hakaze couldn't help but playfully tease him.
"Really? Cause I thought you said I was, how did you put it... 'too clingy'." Biting her lip in glee at the sight of him choking on his scone and coughing as he stared at her in annoyance, Hakaze rolled her eyes at the dramatic sigh that came out as she slumped into his chair.
"You're never going to let that go, are you?" Ken asked, leaning his chin on his palm as he savoured the last scone.
"Nope. Never." So long as she could get some amusement out of it and he wasn't actually hurt by it, then she would never let it go.
"I sincerely apologize for being a dick to you when we were dating. Again." Hakaze internally smiled as he subtly double checked to make sure she wasn't really hurt by it.
"You broke my supply kit in the process of breaking up with me. It cost me over 5 months worth of pay." Now that part had upset her more than the actual break up. She'd had some high-quality seal materials in there, plus a few of the more pricey medicines and good quality whetstones and oil. She had cried so hard for its demise.
"I was a hot mess of a teenager, plus my chakra control was still shit after the attack I came back from. I was jumpy and not fully in control." Ken groaned, still mortified even after all this time. He had been very upset with himself once he got himself oriented that day, and had stubbornly insisted on helping her pay for replacements despite his budget being much tighter than hers.
Watching Ken make her a cup of tea from the nearby kettle, Hakaze couldn't help but feel proud of how far he had come from that wreck of a teenager. They hadn't worked out as a couple, but their friendship had managed to survive and thrive into adulthood.
'He was the first person who ever listened to me and sought therapy for help.' It had been such dark times back then; everyone was too young for what they did to survive, and neither of them were chunin yet. No one had really expected them to survive, but Hakaze was glad they'd lived to spit on those same expectations.
Wordlessly taking the offered cup, Hakaze watched as he sat back into his chair with his own teacup, hiding his smile behind the rim.
'I think if he hadn't done that and if we had never talked again after our disastrous breakup... I would never have become friends with him again.' Keeping the deadpan look on her face, Hakaze raised her eyebrow at him as she leaned further into the chair, making sure to place her cup on the desk and cross her arms over her chest.
"Cool excuse, still murder...of my stuff." Holding back a snicker at his long-suffering face, Hakaze gave him a shit-eating grin as she heard him complain.
"You know, I still have yet to figure out what exactly you're quoting."
'I'm always more impressed that you could figure out half the time that I was even quoting something at all.' Chuckling darkly at his tired, yet determined-looking face, she tilted her head up a bit, using her snootiest voice to reply.
"And you never will."
"I beg to differ." He grouched, still resentful of her silence on the matter.
"Beg away, I still won't tell you." If anyone ever found out she'd be locked away and lose everything, or worse. She wasn't really sure what worse was, but Hakaze knew Konoha would have no issues showing her if she was exposed.
"Difficult woman."
"Stubborn man."
They both paused their tirade to burst into laughter as she made herself more comfortable in the chair. Taking a fortifying sip of her tea- he still knew how she liked it- she grabbed some of his paperwork and began to help with his budgeting.
"Seriously though, how's your fiancée? I haven't seen her around the last few times I popped by." A completely lovely woman who was a very good tracker for a non-Inuzuka, with a specialization in drug and human trafficking.
"Oh, I forgot to tell you. She's expecting." Hakaze wasn't going to lie, it was a little weird to see his face both melt in adoration and panic at the same time.
"Get out! Seriously? You're going to be a dad?" It seemed everyone was moving forward…
'That just means I have to work even harder to get my program accessible to all.' Ken seemed to misunderstand something on her face as he laughingly rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.
"I know, right? I feel like I'm one mission away from breaking down. What do I know of fatherhood?"
"Well, luckily, you have a pretty amazing woman by your side who will be your partner during this parenting business." Such a silly man. Ken was already a father figure to the younger genin stuck at the corps, so his first biological child would be just fine.
"She wants you to be there at the wedding, you know. As one of the witnesses." Smiling at the thought, Hakaze teasingly smiled at him as he -there was no other word for it- gushed over his fiancée's brilliant budgeting and planning of the whole event.
"Keeping it small?"
"Almost everyone we know are dead. Of the ones I knew and cared about before the war, only you survived, Hakaze-chan." And wasn't that a mood killer. Drinking the last bit of her tea, Hakaze gave him a serious nod as he asked her again to attend.
"I'd be honoured to attend, Ken."
"Thank you."
While helping him finish the budgeting reports, a thought struck her. It caused her to snicker lightly at his befuddled face.
"Heh, who'd ever think you'd invite your ex-girlfriend to your wedding?" That was the stuff of prime-time drama back in her old life. How many movies and shows had she seen where the ex-girlfriend was this lovestruck bitch who bitterly wanted to ruin the whole event?
"You weren't that bad. We just didn't work out as a couple." Humming in agreement at his words, Hakaze privately thought that it did help that they hadn't broken up over things like disapproving families, cheating, or anything serious like that.
"I scared you." She mused, remembering the sheer puzzlement and lack of understanding when she tried to explain her needs to him.
"No, you were just a little... intense for me." Ken hedged, refusing to look at her in the face as he tried to play it cool.
"You know, no matter how often you explain it to me, I still don't get how sex is less intense than hand-holding." This world could be so weird sometimes. Like, sex was alright and ninja were expected to find ways to release tension during the war that didn't compromise their mission readiness. But almost nothing scared them more in a relationship than intimacy.
"You're the weird one, Hakaze-chan. Who wants to have someone so close when sex isn't involved? It just makes me twitchy." Hakaze wished she could say he was the only one like that. Unfortunately, after many talks with other women at the hospital during their check-ups, she could say comfortably that even in private, it was more uncommon to have two people be intimate without it being the prelude to sex.
A part of Hakaze couldn't help but regard Ken pityingly, silently praying for his fiancée and future child. Something must have shown on her face, for he suddenly reacted with a blush on his cheeks.
"Children are different! You can dote on babies, along with little girls and boys."
'So children and cute things can be doted on, but not grown-ass adults?' Hakaze sighed as they started to rehash the same old argument between them.
"Our society has very weird and strange values, and I am still concerned." Seriously, ninja were ridiculously starved for positive skinship and praise. Hakaze could recall at the drop of a hat at least half a dozen moments where her coworkers, friends, and patients had quietly startled from direct praise. And she knew that a good chunk of the overall relaxed attitude to sex was due to the fact it was the one reliable way you'd get skin contact outside of fighting.
'Damn Danzo, encouraging all this for whatever his batshit ends are..' Gripping the arms of her chair tightly, Hakaze almost didn't hear Ken pipe up again.
"Isn't that what made you start that addict program? Being concerned?"
"You can't deny that we have been personally affected by the lack of care that goes into helping someone deal with their drinking." Silence fell between them as memories of their old Genin Commander resurfaced. In many ways, his death was the straw that broke Hakaze's back on doing nothing about this rise in alcoholism.
'How could I live with myself, knowing I have the means to help them, and I continued to not do anything to help them?'
"...I can't deny that, but your program is just for the elite, isn't it?" He rebutted, quietly pouring some more tea between them.
"For now, yes. Unfortunately, no one cares enough about the little guys like us to get a program just for us. Got to prove it works for the higher-ups and then have it trickle down."
"I'm sorry I wasn't able to help you with that." Ken softly sighed, looking remorseful as he looked over the budget forms Hakaze had filled out for him.
"Don't stress over it. I can see your budget is as tight as ever."
"Now that the war is done, there are less chances for in-field promotions and the Chunin Exams have become a more international event. This means we have more pressure among the ranks to pass the Exams, and you know how those can sometimes kill off more of our genin than anything else." The look of utter annoyance was something Hakaze deeply sympathized with. She had been very lucky to get her promotion in the field, under the recommendation of one of her fellow medic-nin. The Chunin Exams favoured a very specific type of ninja skill set, making it harder for those like her to even reach the second round; let alone pass and get a promotion.
"Any luck getting more chunin involved with training the troops?" She asked, crossing her fingers that for once, they would get more people to give training to the Corps.
"You kidding? I merely mention the word Genin Corps and everyone thinks I'm telling the funniest joke." Ken seemed to deflate in frustration as he retold the story of just why he shouldn't be bothering higher-ranked chunin with such ridiculous goals.
"What about the ones who used to be a part of us before they moved up the ranks?" Hakaze had wondered if they would remember their roots and come back to help like she and Ken had.
"Don't want to associate with us at all, for fear it'll remind people they came from the Corps." He grumbled, taking a swig from his tea and clacking it against the table in frustration.
"Fuck."
"Exactly."
"What about the Chunin who want to be Academy teachers?" Hakaze knew that in canon Naruto, both Iruka and Mizuku - Was that his name? - had been very young, early to mid-20s. Many of their old Academy teachers had already died or retired by this point, so that meant that there will have to be the next wave of career teachers in the next few years.
"Does anyone want to actually be an Academy teacher?" Ken mumbled, clearly remembering how miserable the whole thing had been for anyone who didn't have the lineage, the connections, or the skill to be a favoured student of the teachers.
"Look, we know that things have settled a bit and the teachers that survived the war with minimum physical damage are back. But a lot of those teachers are old, and even the ones that aren't, have taken wounds that don't appreciate kids aggravating the scar tissue. New ones will have to replace them, so why not lure in some teacher-hopefuls to practice with our genin?" It was their best shot at getting the rest of the genin the attention and support they needed.
'Plus, maybe it'd make it harder for that damn hack Mizuzu-something like that-to get a foothold in the Academy.' Traitors couldn't be trusted near vulnerable, naive children.
"I don't know…"
"Don't give up before you've started, Ken." She hated when he got like this; complaining for hours and then giving up, not even trying to fix anything.
"I'll think about it. Not everyone can rock the boat like you can and still keep their job, Hakaze-chan." Well, that was debatable; while Hakaze wasn't technically fired, she had lost a lot of privileges and hours at the hospital due to her passion project.
"You're an excellent Genin Commander." She reminded him, instead of revealing the more depressing truth behind her current situation. "A good man for these kids to learn from."
"Thanks. Though we both know I only got the job because I was the only Chunin who actually wanted to work and focus on the canon-fodder enough to make them more useful."
Carefully swallowing down just what she thought about the Council, and their many opinions on the value of life of those in the genin corps, Hakaze steered the conversation to less infuriating waters.
"So, how are you gonna manage being both a dad and Commander? You're already pretty swamped." Gesturing at his table of overflowing paperwork, Hakaze raised an eyebrow as he sighed loudly.
"My lovely soon-to-be-wife is going to transfer to gate guard until our child graduates the Academy. She'll be the primary parent because of how demanding this job gets. " Hakaze paused as she took in what he said, wondering for a split second if she should bite her tongue before deciding against it.
'It's not like Ken doesn't know how I feel about this.'
"She's going to drop fieldwork just like that, huh?" She said pleadingly, trying to keep her smile light and innocent as his face paled at the look in her eyes.
Watching him clear his throat nervously, Hakaze wondered if he would try to justify it or excuse it. After all, she had met his fiancée; she knew how much she loved her work and took pride in it.
"This is another reason why you and I didn't work out. You never let me take care of you. Nor did you have realistic goals for if we ever did get married." Looks like he took the 'both' option. Keeping the sweet smile on her face, she gently leaned forward, carefully placing her chin on her clasped hands as he leaned back into his seat.
"Realistic? Surely you jest. I just don't see what you sacrifice in the process. After all, isn't marriage more of a partnership than one person sacrificing their entire career for the benefit of the other partner?" Raising her eyebrow, she looked up at him from the stray locks framing her hair, silently daring him to say otherwise to her face.
After a few long moments of awkward silence, Ken coughed nervously into his hand as he looked away from her, muttering quietly that; "It's just how it is."
"Doesn't have to be." she replied, keeping her gaze on his face as he refused to look at her.
"You have to compromise a bit, Hakaze-chan. How will you ever find a boyfriend if you don't lower your standards?" He complained, eyes looking around the room wildly as he roughly ran his hands through his hair.
"I guess I'll just be forever alone." She muttered, not seeing the value of entering such an unequal relationship.
"Look I have a friend who's single right now. If you're not doing anything this Saturday-" He began, the coward finally letting his gaze meet hers as she sighed loudly in exasperation.
"Sato Ken, don't you dare," Hakaze warned him a bit heatedly; she had been on enough blind dates to last two lifetimes.
'All they accomplish is making me feel like shit.' She grouched to herself.
"He's a nice guy! He even likes the whole civilian thing you like. You know, the hand holding, being close, thing." Glaring at him as he flinched at her gaze, Hakaze narrowed her eyes as she hissed back, "I think the word you want is 'intimacy'."
Clearing his throat awkwardly, Ken continued to push onward, regardless of her less than subtle cues for him to drop this conversation.
"Yes, that. He's had good reviews from his past girlfriends, so he's got experience." Her face must have been priceless, for he suddenly looked embarrassed at the words that just passed through his mouth.
"Is this a person or a used weapon from a second-hand store?" She snapped, completely done with being polite about this. Ken pouted a little as she made to leave.
"I'm just saying, why don't you give him a chance." He pleaded as she put away their teacups and teakettle.
"No."
"Don't give up before you even start, Hakaze-chan. I just want to see you happy and with someone who will support you. " Sighing loudly at his words, Hakaze glanced at him from over her shoulder as he gave her a beseeching look.
"I hate you."
"No you don't."
The silence filled the space between them as she thought it over. Was one more blind date such a bad idea? Maybe this time it'd be different?
"...Fine. Just one date. One."
Ignoring the little noise of happiness he made, Hakaze continued to put everything away as he continued to yammer on.
"Great! Let me make the arrangements and I'll contact you this week."
"I'm going to regret this." She muttered under her breath, already feeling like she made a stupid, avoidable mistake.
"Relax, it's just one date."
"Completely doomed." Hakaze deadpanned, waving at him over her shoulder as she said her goodbyes.
"Be positive. I'm sure you'll have a great time together." Ken called back, his stupid face in a wide grin as he saw her out the building and down the street.
Staring in frustration at the untouched traps on her bag, Hakaze wondered if there was any way to ask for a refund. The traps were activated and in place, yet her bag now held empty bento boxes instead of the full ones she had been saving there.
'How?! I'm at the fucking spa, in the heart of the civilian sector! There are no ninja nearby! Why does this keep happening?' Trying to control her killing intent from leaking out and overwhelming her civilian colleagues, Hakaze took a few deep breaths as she tried to calm down.
"Hanae-chan? Is everything okay?" A sweet-looking young teenager peered at her from the other side of the changing room.
"Everything is fine, Rika-san. Thank you for asking."
"Not a problem! And it's Rika-chan, Hanae-chan! Also…" Watching Rika tilt her head cutely, Hakaze wondered how much of that action was natural and how much was learned by wanting to appear cute.
"...Are you going on a date today, Hanae-chan?" Pausing, Hakaze glanced to see her looking curiously at her, as she sat closer.
"What makes you say that, Rika-san?" 'Curious,' Hakaze thought, 'I wonder if she just has a sharp intuition or...
"Mou, what will it take you to call me Rika-chan, Hanae-chan! Geeze! ...Also you're wearing a much nicer outfit than usual, and you have a little bit of makeup on your face." Ah, that would give her away. Giving her a soft smile, Hakaze looked into a nearby mirror, scanning herself from head to toe. She was just wearing a tighter longer top with her tights underneath.
"...Is it really that much nicer?" Turning her body to the side, she guessed that it accented her breasts and backside.
"I can see you have some curves. You should wear tighter clothing more often, Hanae-chan! You have a good-sized chest, you should show it off!" There was something just a little bit uncomfortable at hearing a young teen say that to her, regardless of this world's view on when adulthood arrives.
" ...Thanks... but does applying a little bit of lipstick really count as adding makeup?"
"Of course! It draws attention to the mouth, and you have a nice soft shade on. By the way, your foundation is starting to wear off a little. Want me to help you put on the rest?" Holding back the sharp automatic "no" in favour of a softer approach, Hakaze didn't feel even the slightest bad at rejecting the girl
"...I think I'm fine, Rika-san." No ninja worth their salt would trust a mere acquaintance with a pencil so close to their eyes like that.
"Mou! Don't be so mean, Hanae-chan! At least let me stay and see who's the hunk that is gonna take you out!" Absolutely not. She was now doubly thankful that she had insisted that they meet up at the restaurant, and not let him pick her up at work.
"I am meeting him at a restaurant in a few hours. I doubt you want to wait that long with me." Watching the girl fume in frustration, Hakaze took out her makeup kit and leaned closer to the mirror.
"Well, I definitely want to see how you look with the rest of your makeup on!"
Touching up the foundation, Hakaze wondered if this was what some people considered "false advertising" by hiding her freckles like this. She originally had planned to take off her foundation at least, but with Rika watching her so intently she really didn't want to make so much of a fuss right now.
'Teenagers can be so intense sometimes. It's just not worth arguing with the girl about this.' Applying a little pinkish-red eyeshadow to give her eyes a soft glow, Hakaze made sure to add a nice cat flick eyeliner look to finish it off.
"Mou! You look so cute! If you come to work with your face like that, you'd get more tips, you know?" Unsure whether to take that as a compliment or a backhanded insult, Hakaze gave a polite nod in reply.
"I'll take your advice into consideration."
"Have a good time on your date, Hanae-chan! Tell me how it goes tomorrow, okay?" Waving absently as the girl left, Hakaze turned back to the mirror and pulled a strand from her face.
'...Should I take out my hair dye now that she's gone? Geeze, maybe a light genjutsu would work better so I don't have to redo my makeup again.' Internally cursing Ken for planning the date right after her shift at the spa, Hakaze began to make her way out of the building and back into the more shinobi populated parts of the village.
'He said that we'd be eating at that Akimichi restaurant, the barbeque place.'
Applying a light genjutsu to make her hair look more like her normal hair colour, Hakaze finally found the place.
Sighing in exhaustion, she prayed that this wouldn't be as painful and awkward as the other blind dates she had been on.
"Hakaze-sensei?" Freezing in shock, Hakaze noted that Nara-san seemed to have melted out of the shadows of the building, looking at her with a slightly puzzled look on his face. He had a bundled bag in his hands, with a couple of leaves sticking out from the top.
'Is this what it feels like to catch your teacher outside of school?' She internally laughed, wondering why she felt so uncomfortable all of a sudden; it was just Nara-san.
'Though the fact that he is even talking to me is a plus. Maybe now is a good time to apologize to him and get him to act more normally around me.' Giving him a polite smile, Hakaze noticed he seemed a bit off-balance.
'His shoulders look stiff, and he seems to be forcing himself to slouch...'
"Nara-san, it's good to see you again. Are you done for the day?" There, a nice neutral statement that allows him to give her as little information as possible while still being polite.
"Maa, just finished some dinner. Though I wasn't expecting to see sensei around here." How did she take that remark? As a neutral comment? As an insult?
"Yes, I don't normally eat around here very often." It's too expensive unless there are special deals happening. Luckily for her, there was one running at the restaurant tonight. At least Ken remembered she couldn't spend so much money right now.
'I'd still rather do another grocery run and try to cook some cheeseburger egg rolls.' Then she would need to add a bit of additional conditioning, just to make sure her body distributed everything properly. After all, if she was going to eat so much high-calorie food, then she'd have to make sure to keep up with her regime.
Nara-san looked terribly awkward as they both stared at each other silently. Hakaze wondered if she would make things worse if she tried to apologize now.
'...No time like the present I guess.' Taking a deep breath, Hakaze stepped forward as she began to apologize.
"Nara-san, I-"
"Wait! Please, you don't have to…" Raising an eyebrow at the flush that slowly spread across his face, Hakaze wondered if he was rejecting her apology.
"I...Hakaze-sensei. Here." Blinking in surprise as he thrust the bundled thing into her hands, she fumbled a little as the floral smell of flowers waffed from the bag.
'Flowers?' Peering inside, she froze as she spotted white anemones inside the bag. She knew this flower, she remembered it coming up in another anime she used to watch, though it was red at the time.
'I think it meant...forsaken? Or was it disappearing hope?' Staring at the nervous-looking Nara, Hakaze wondered if he was trying to say he didn't have hope for her helping him. Surely he would know better to think she'd let such an incident keep her from helping him?
"Oh. Thank you, Nara-san." Keeping her face neutral, Hakaze reminded herself that she was a professional. 'Keep calm and carry on. At least, till he leaves and I get through this date. Then I'll try and figure out what the hell this message meant.'
He seemed to become more agitated at her lack of comment on the flowers, causing him to awkwardly rub the back of his neck as he murmured how troublesome this was, before meeting her gaze intensely. "Hakaze-sensei. I apologize. I shouldn't have talked to you like that before. Please accept these flowers as a sign of my regret over hurting you."
'Alright, but why then give me forsaken flowers? I just don't understand what you're trying to say, Nara-san.' Debating whether she should just point blank ask, the man seemed to have met his social quota for the day, as he gave a short bow and walked away from her into the sunset.
'...Now what?' Shrugging her shoulders, she took the flowers with her as she entered the restaurant and waited at her reserved table. The man, thankfully, didn't keep her waiting, as he introduced himself as Shigure.
"Sato-san was right! You are very cute, It's a pleasure to meet you, Hakaze-chan." He was good looking enough, she supposed. He had dark brown hair and a smooth, light complexion. She could admit his light brown eyes looked very pretty in the light.
'Yet he's acting so forward for the first meeting.' Internally twitching at how he slid into the seat next to hers, Hakaze gave a polite smile as she prayed that the next few hours weren't as terrible as they were already implying they would be.
"Oh? Did you get flowers at work today?" He smiled at her while reaching out and taking her gift from her side of the table as he began to look through it.
Resisting the urge to reflexively stab his hand with a kunai, as he'd not asked to see it nor let her know he would be moving into her space, she firmly took it back as she replied, "Yes, a patient gave them to me."
"You must have done excellent work for them to thank you so sincerely." Hakaze was temporarily knocked out of her sour thoughts as she took that in. 'Wait, these flowers mean what now?'
"Sincerely?" Keeping her face neutral, she didn't like how he laughed in her face at her question while he stretched an arm out on the back of her chair.
"You mean you don't know? And here I thought all girls went crazy over learning flower meanings." Shigure smirked, sliding even closer to her until she put a hand on his chest and carefully pushed him back. For good measure, Hakaze also scooted her chair further away from him, dislodging his arm in the process.
"... … …" She really didn't appreciate the sheer, condescending mockery in his gaze as he stared at her with an amused expression.
"You know, white anemone? They mean sincerity. So if they were thanking you and gave you the flowers, that meant their feelings were sincere." Pausing her scooting of the chair, Hakaze thought back to Nara-san's awkward apology.
"Oh. Thank you for telling me." So, the man had been trying to tell her he was sincere with his apology... Musing on what would be the proper way to respond, Hakaze missed the interested look in Shigure's eyes as he placed his hand on hers and began to stroke it.
"Hey, where did you go? I'm right here in front of you." Staring at him neutrally, she carefully pulled her hand from his. He really was making it harder and harder not to stab him.
"I can see that. Please don't grab my hand so suddenly."
"Shy? How adorable. You know, Sato-san said you like the more civilian style of dating." Why did they keep calling it that? Surely intimacy wasn't solely the domain of civilians?
"I really don't consider it to be-" Hakaze saw red as this man actually had the audacity to place a finger on her lips as he hushed her softly. Pulling her head back, she tightened her jaw in an attempt to not bite his fingers off.
"Don't worry, Hakaze-chan, I won't judge. I love a girl who isn't afraid to get a little physical before we get to the main event." Wait a second, was this idiot confusing intimacy with foreplay?
"Excuse me?"
"You're so polite, it's really cute. I bet you're a real tiger in bed." He purred, leaning forward and practically looking down her shirt in the process.
'Oh god. I swear if this man tries to touch me again, I will retaliate and leave.'
Shigure continued to wax poetry of how sensitive and caring he was, so she didn't have to worry about holding back because 'He could take her affections and return them tenfold.'
'That disgusting leer on his face really doesn't convince me. God damn Danzo, and Ken-san too.'
Keeping her twitching hands clasped under the table, Hakaze swore that if she had to suffer through the next few hours like this, Ken's fiancée might be a widow before she even gets to her wedding.
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