Journal Entry Four
Whose fault was it? Who is too blame for Skye getting shot? I told May that I'm not blaming myself, but that's not true, I am blaming myself for what had happened. I should have been with Skye, I'm her training officer, she shouldn't have gone to that place by herself, she shouldn't have been alone. She was too reckless with her own life, with the lives of others, she didn't think before rushing off into the unknown, she didn't know what the situation was when she was going into the house and she went in by herself, without backup. She became careless with the mission. Though, I am in no ways blaming Skye for what had happened, she was the one that got shot. No, I was her teacher, I should have taught her more, taught her better.
I also blame Coulson. I blame him for putting her in that position. I blame him for bringing her onto this team where she could get hurt, where she could die. I blame him for allowing us to become a family, where it would hurt to see one of us hurt like how Skye have been hurt. This mission should have gone a million different other ways, we shouldn't have had this mission, but because this team got personal, this mission got compromised and now Skye is fighting for her life. I know this is irrational, blaming myself is irrational and the one to blame is sitting here on the BUS, all high and mighty, not caring about anyone else but himself.
But when that doctor came out, I almost collapsed. I was in disbelief of what she had informed us about the injuries that was suffered. That there was too much damaged and that Skye was on life support. That essentially Skye is dying and there was nothing we could do to save her. I'm someone who saves people, the guy who goes in too make sure no one else gets hurt. I should have been there, I should have been the one who was shot, or perhaps if I was the one that was there, Quinn wouldn't have shot anybody. But when we realized that May wasn't in the hospital anymore, I knew exactly where she was. I would have enjoyed watching her longer beating Quinn to a pulp, but we have better things to do now, like making sure that Skye doesn't die, that she has a chance to live. But watching her in the pod, with machines filtering her blood, breathing for her, it is painful to believe that we would get through this crisis in one piece, with everyone coming out of it alive.
But as we fly towards the one place that Coulson thinks will save Skye, I still have hope and faith, which are foreign to me, but this is Skye we are talking about, she is the most stubborn and determined person that I know and if anyone can pull off a miracle, it's her. But if she doesn't survive, that she doesn't come back to us, I don't know how we as a team will stay together and I'm afraid that this will break us away from each other. Because Coulson was right, we are a family. Of course, if this does break us apart, then perhaps, my betrayal won't hurt as much as we won't be with each other for when the truth come to light. Anyways, I need to stop for now, we are about to get boarded by agents because we haven't delivered Quinn to the Fridge yet.