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Chapter nine: Padfoot
Remus and Alicia were once more clothed and had moved to the comfy chairs next to the fireplace. It had gotten a bit chilly so Remus had given Alicia a blanket to get snug under. She had her legs drawn underneath her, sitting comfortably and lazily making logs fly over to the fire to make it last longer.
Remus watched her for a moment. He felt nervous again. It was less bad than the moment she had entered his office and he still had to tell her that he wanted her badly. However he wasn't too sure about himself now either.
Once she had picked up a mug of hot cocoa he took a deep breath and decided to start. 'Alicia, I need to tell you about my past. As you will see soon, it also effects the present. I need to ask you to listen until the end. Can you do that for me?' Remus started.
Alicia nodded. 'Of course I can do that for you.' She winked at him and from that moment on remained silent. Remus started telling his entire story. He started with his childhood when he was attacked by Fenrir Greyback and infected with the lycanthropy virus. He told her how it was because of revenge on his father, who had gone too far in his statements about werewolves. But Remus knew that Greyback was always a loyal supporter of Voldemort and simply liked to hurt people and bite them on purpose. Alicia's expression was full of empathy when he told her.
Then he moved on to his time at Hogwarts. How he never expected to be allowed in a school, but that Professor Dumbledore wanted to give him an opportunity. He told her about the Shrieking Shack and the help he got from Madame Pomfrey. Up until this point, it wasn't hard for Remus to share this information. She already knew of his condition and this was just backstory. But now he had to tell her about three extraordinary boys.
'Of course my condition was a secret to everyone in the school. I couldn't tell my friends. However, in my second year my three best friends found out about me. I was so scared. I was sure they would turn me in with the teachers or spread my secret, but they didn't. I couldn't be more wrong! They decided to help me make the full moon more bearable. These years with their help have been the easiest years of transformation. Their presence calmed me.'
Because Remus left room for a pause, Alicia decided to pipe in. 'They never got hurt? Being close to you during a full moon?'
Remus shook his head. 'A werewolf is aggressive to humans, but not to animals. These three learned to become animagi. They turned into animals to be able to stay close to me and stop me might I want to attack someone.'
Alicia's eyes grew wide in amazement. She whispered 'wicked' before she settled for the rest of the story.
'I told you my nickname, Moony. We were Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. Yes maybe the nicknames are silly, but we thought we were amazing. We called ourselves the Marauders.' Alicia tried to suppress a giggle. 'They were my best friends throughout school and after that. All four of us signed up for the Order of the Phoenix so we could fight the Death Eaters. We knew that we did dangerous things and could die. We were prepared for the worst. But we weren't prepared for what happened…betrayal. By a friend.'
Remus sighed and dropped his head in his hands. Alicia leaned forward to put a reassuring hand on his arm. 'This is clearly still affecting you greatly. If you don't want to share any more I understand…'
He looked up and smiled at her. 'You are so kind. No, Alicia I need to tell you everything. You need to understand who my friends are…were.' He took another deep breath and continued. 'Prongs was a man you might know by name. James Potter. Father of Harry.'
Alicia gasped. She nearly spilled her drink in her shock. 'I had no idea! Poor James. And his wife, she was called Lily, right? Did you know her too?' Remus nodded. 'Very well actually. She was exceptionally clever and kind. She also learned my secret later but never treated me differently. I miss her so much. She was a great friend.'
Tears stung in his eyes. He stared into the flames, thinking of moments he had spent with the red headed girl. She had always been so strong, so sure of herself. Nobody told her what to do, she only did what she thought was right. He looked up at the Ravenclaw in front of him and saw some of that spirit reflected in her eyes. He gave her a small smile, continuing to the hardest part.
'Wormtail was called Peter Pettigrew. His animagi form was a rat. He was…well to put it nicely he didn't have the heart of a lion. Most of the times he just followed us as we came up with ideas, but he wasn't bad company. He was often scared in the time of the war, more so than the rest. We were sometimes afraid he would bail, or worse…spill all the secrets. But that didn't happen. Poor Peter was murdered, the same night James and Lily died. All they found of him was a finger, so we know that he was one of the victims. Which…brings me to the last friend. The one I haven't mentioned yet.'
There was intense eye contact between the two. Alicia didn't understand yet. Remus was hoping she wouldn't run away.
'Padfoot…his real name is Sirius Black.'
He didn't know what to expect. He was so scared, scared she would walk away without saying a word. Scared she would start flipping tables and shouting at him. Scared she would start crying in fear of the monster she thought Remus was.
What she did however, was nothing.
She sat very still, as if time had frozen her. She wasn't blinking, neither breathing it seemed. Just when he wanted to check on her, she moved an inch and exhaled deeply.
'Did you help Black get into the castle a while ago?' she asked, her voice devoid of emotion.
'No! No I was in the Hospital Wing with you remember? I would never help him! Not anymore. Not after what he did,' Remus said desperately.
'When is the last time you spoke to him?' she asked, still not showing anything on her blank face.
'The night before Halloween 1981. The night before everything changed. We were discussing business for the Order. He didn't show any suspicious signs. He was short with me, but he had been for a while. I think something had been eating at him, but I couldn't know what it was. I asked him once but he waved it off. Alicia, you have to understand that everything that happened that night was a shock so big I haven't been able to deal with it until this year.'
She raised an eyebrow, first sign of expression. 'What changed this year?'
He smiled weakly. 'You. When you asked me about my past that day we were watching the Quidditch game from a distance. That was the first moment I allowed my mind to travel back to that next day when I heard the news. I have been a broken man for twelve years, but you fixed me and you didn't even know it. I owe you so much.'
She closed her eyes and relaxed a bit. 'So Sirius didn't just give up two people to Voldemort…he gave up two of his best friends…and then murdered another. He is way worse than I thought. How does someone even do this?'
Remus was glad that for the time being she didn't seem to blame him. But he couldn't help feeling conflicted. 'It didn't make sense. It never made sense. James and Sirius were inseparable. Sirius hated his family so much he ran away from home. James's parents took him in. They were practically brothers.'
Alicia just huffed and looked at the flames. She remained silent. Remus watched her closely. His eyes shifted over her, wondering what she was thinking. But he had to say what was on his mind. 'Alicia, what I told you so far is information a lot of people can tell you. Everyone that was in school with us and half the teachers that are still here know that we were friends. Severus actually tried to convince Dumbledore not to hire me, for danger of me bringing Sirius into the school. Of course I would never risk that…but I need to tell you something. A thought that has been in the back of my mind for all those years. A thought that I fear to speak out loud. But I think I should tell you.'
She looked back at him. 'Alright. Tell me.'
'I don't think he did it. Somewhere deep down I believe that Sirius is innocent,' he said solemnly.
Alicia got up from her chair and started pacing the room. She was silent for a while before she talked again. 'Why do you think so? Because he wouldn't hurt his best friend? Anyone can crack under the pressure of torture.'
Remus shook his head. 'You didn't know him as a person. Sirius was headstrong. No, I think unbelievingly painstakingly stubborn is the right way to put it. He sure got into a lot of trouble but never because of bad intentions. Mostly it was because he had zero impulse control. Anyone can crack, maybe. But Sirius would be the last one. There were easier targets to pray for information. However, Sirius was the only one who knew where James and Lily were, because they were hiding. So no one else could have the information… unless there is something they didn't tell me.'
'If he is innocent, why did he break into the castle? You don't think he is here to kill Harry? Then why is he here?' Alicia turned to face him, her eyes wide. 'Is he here for you?'
Remus sat back in the chair. 'I don't think so. He wouldn't risk it. Besides, he had already broken out over the summer. It would be easier to come to me when I was alone at home. I have to admit, when you told me he had sneaked into the castle a part of my faith in him died. I can't think of any other reason he might be here.'
She smiled at him knowingly. 'But despite that, you are still not convinced he is the killer everyone thinks he is, right?'
Remus shook his head. Another silence stretched between the two. Alicia was standing behind the armchair, leaning over it. She was staring out the window, her mind in a thousand places. Remus didn't know what to do.
'Now you know everything. I can't prove to you that I'm not working with Sirius. But before you would have found out another way, I thought you should hear this from me. I can promise you something though.' He got up from the chair and walked around to stand next to the Ravenclaw girl. He placed his hands on her shoulders and waited until she met his gaze.
'I will do everything in my power to protect you, and the other students of this school against harm. Including Harry. If Sirius is here to kill him, I'm ready to kill my old friend to protect Harry. And I would do the same for you, if needed.'
Something flickered in her eyes. A soft expression. Maybe relief, maybe admiration. Remus was just happy she hadn't done any of the things he was afraid of. However, he really wished she would say more. But she hugged him for now, and that felt good too. She held him tightly and Remus was happy to hold her like that. He sniffed the scent of her hair as his face was tucked in the crook of her neck. He kissed her lightly on her neck before letting her go. When she looked at him she looked better.
'Thank you for telling me everything Remus. I understand none of this is easy for you. Murderer or no murderer, your old best friend is out there running for his life. And you don't know whether to kill him or help him. The conflict you feel, it must be eating you up.' He nodded, feeling sad. She placed her thumb on his chin and made him look her in the eye as she continued. 'I don't have the answers for you, but maybe I can soften the blow for you. I'm here for you, whatever you need. I've got your back.'
He could cry so happy that he felt. He laughed and cried at the same time. 'You have no idea how happy that makes me.' She smiled and hugged him again. 'I think I have a pretty good idea,' she whispered back at him. When he withdrew, he held her close and looked her in the eye. They gave each other an understanding look before Remus leaned in and kissed Alicia. This kiss wasn't as needy and passionate as the other ones had been. This was more peaceful and friendly. It was all about sharing each other's feelings.
When Alicia withdrew she smiled at him. 'Remus, I'm starting to get really used to you. How are we ever going to keep this…relationship a secret from the school?' Remus sighed and drew Alicia close to his chest. He rested his chin on top of her head and stroked her hair lovingly. 'It will be hard but also necessary. I don't think I have to explain to you what would happen if anyone found out. I think we should work out a system. Certain moments that we can be together. But not too schematically because that is noticeable. We'll figure something out. But you have to be prepared that maybe we don't find time to be together for weeks, or even months.'
Alicia pushed herself up to look at him, ready to protest. However he placed his finger against her lips. 'You are nearly out of school. After that there will be no more restrictions. We can do what we want. But we don't have that freedom now. I want you to graduate and I would very much like to keep this job. I'm sorry Alicia, but you know I'm right.'
Alicia groaned in frustration. She started pacing the room. She wanted to protest, however that was hard when he spoke so rationally. 'Fine. But on one condition,' she said finally.
Remus was smirking. 'Alright. What is it?'
She bit her lip as she watched that enticingly smirk on his face. Then she walked back over to him and pulled his face closer by grabbing onto his shirt. She first placed a small kiss on his jaw and inhaled his scent before she spoke. 'I want you for the rest of this day, at least. Neither of us go anywhere.'
Remus chuckled and kissed her quickly on the lips. 'Nothing would make me happier.'
