Reliability is the pinnacle of Shinobi prowess. For your village you must be strong, for your village you must be useful, for your village you must sacrifice. These are the aspects that create a perfect and impeccable Shinobi. You must be someone your Hokage can trust to protect the village's future, however slightly. Depending on the village and clan one is from, or even your upbringing, some of these aspects may be held closer than the other. The Uchiha strove for power, the Hyuga for usefulness, and the Uzumaki for sacrifice. Even then, each holds outliers who valued different aspects of the perfect Ninja. Strength, loyalty, and use are defined as critical to the success of the tools held by each hidden village in turn.

Yet, perfect Shinobi seemed far and few between. Uchiha Itachi was praised as a once in a lifetime genius. He was powerful, emotionless, and loyal to the village… a perfect Ninja. As a tool he was bent, battered, and overworked until it seemed as though he finally snapped, Itachi killed his clan to test his power. Konoha had Minato, both emotionally stable and powerful Jonin who even went on to become Hokage. He sacrificed himself to the village, subsequently saving almost everyone in the process. A perfect Shinobi, but less so as a father. Kakashi was a perfect Shinobi in nearly every aspect. Yes, perhaps he was a little emotionally unstable, and perhaps a little estranged… but he was still kicking, which counted as something.

Jiraiya was a genius, an absolutely positively amazing Shinobi. He had poise, theatrics, wasn't too ugly, and above all… was an excellent writer. The amount of time he spent procuring accurate details regarding the scenes in his books was breathtaking. The man was truly a connoisseur of both stealth and the finer things in life (that was, hem, an important Shinobi aspect…). He had to be a god among men to be so… GODLY when it came to literature! While his taste in book covers (bright orange… really?) could be improved, it was the content that mattered. Jiraiya's book, 'Make-out Paradise', held a wealth of knowledge regarding the current matters of the Elemental Nations. Warnings about the whispering of rising organizations and traitorous old teammates were scattered throughout the lines of the novel.

He was lying. It was totally just porn.

The spymaster of Konohagakure had constructed the perfect network to feed the hidden village information. From dangerous brothers who tested their power on unsuspecting clans to the Kazekage's favorite food, everything was concealed beneath a shade of eye murdering orange. Jiraiya seemed to have accounted for every possibility of their enemies stumbling upon this information. Even if a ninja slipped past the cover's inconspicuous vail, they would be greeted with sexy-sexy times written out on nearly every page… with an ingenious plot, yup, book totally had a plot. Anyway, since the book was filled with this treasure trove of information Kakashi was perfectly justified in reading it 24/7. Whether that be when while training, picking up groceries, getting eyed with disgust by Iruka…

Kakashi did a double-take. By the look of the glare he was shooting the dog-nin, he was definitely late to something. After all, Iruka was only released to track down the most troublesome of Shinobi. Perhaps Hayate had escaped from the hospital… again. Kakashi ad heard that the poor most likely underpaid Chunin had spent nearly two whole days attempting to track down that danger prone idiot who had been supposedly been found bleeding via abdominal laceration in the forest of death. Shifting slightly atop the roof ledge of a civilian apartment building, he tried to recall what he possibly could have forgotten. Meanwhile, Iruka seemed to have just about had it with eccentric Jonin with their eccentric personalities and eccentric versions of fashionably late. Five hours was not fashionable!

"Does the Hokage's office sound familiar, Kakashi-san?" Iruka questioned.

Kakashi 'hmmed' noncommittedly. What could the Hokage could have possibly have wanted him for? The Make-out Paradise Book Club only met on Tuesdays…

"I could have sworn I filled my last mission paperwork." He thought out loud.

Iruka took a deep calming breath. Perhaps reminding himself that killing compatriots was generally frowned upon in Konoha. Leaping up next to Kakashi on the ledge, he yanked the vile porn book glorious informative novel out from the wayward Shinobi's hands. The dog-nin must have been underestimating the overworked Sensei's stress levels because the orange book was immediately torn in half, the usual negotiations all but forgotten. Kakashi let out a dramatic wail. The emotionally vacant shinobi was often amused by such theatrics as this (plus he had a spare at home).

"Hatake Kakashi, you have never turned in any of your post-mission paperwork anywhere remotely on time. Think of a more valid excuse as to why the Hokage himself would call for your immediate presence." The man stated as a vein popped on his forehead, "Perhaps a hint with refresh your memory; I do believe Academy students graduate around this time of year?"

Ah, right, the one thing that Kakashi had forcibly made himself forget. Genin teams were being selected, and Kakashi as always would be forced to fail spoiled brats. Inwardly, the Jonin cursed himself for his poor choice in hiding places. He was THE Iruka-sama! The only man who could placate Anko, track down both Hayate and himself, all while training the next batch of Shinobi. He was the master of the advanced Ninja version of hide and seek.

"Ah, I do believe I left my oven on…" The former ANBU said, suddenly wanting to be anywhere else.

Kakashi was stopped in place by the sudden aura of death that radiated around the Chunin. Turning, he was met with a glare that promised that he knew were Kakashi's spare book had been hidden, only D-rank missions for at least a month, and the most horrible, a refusal to make his famous curry.

"On second thought, my house can just burn down, I am late for a meeting with the Hokage after all!" With a lazy salute, he disappeared with a shunshin.

A mere thirty seconds later he was through the window, into the Hokage's office. The old man didn't even blink, just supplying a sigh that basically was the equivalent of 'How many times do I have to tell you not to come through the window?'

"You called for me, Hokage-sama?" He questioned.

Another sigh and a ruffle of papers.

"Here's your Genin team. If they pass, they'll be team 7…" The Hokage said tiredly.

Kakashi glanced down at the files. The first had some random pink haired civilian, who just so happened to be the top Kunoichi of her. The second was the top Shinobi of his class, the last Uchiha. That was going to be a troublesome ball of hatred to deal with. The last was the dobe of the class, Uzumaki Naruto… his Sensei's son, wonderful. Glancing up at the Hokage who had apparently decided it was the perfect time to begin chugging a bottle of sake, Kakashi could only stare.

"I wish you the best of luck *hic* with those demons." The Hokage said tiredly, slamming his bottle on the desk.

Kakashi continued to stare in shock which the Hokage noticed.

"What are you waiting for? They're at the Academy! You're dismissed! Shew! Along now to your demise!" The aged Hokage said gravely.

The dog-nin wisely decided it was time to leave the slightly deranged/drunk Hokage. He did have brats to terrorize, after all. Sarutobi watched Kakashi leave from the window. Taking another swig of sake he sunk into his chair. Suddenly his eyes went wide.

"Oh gods! He is either going to be eaten alive or Konoha is going to have four demons!" The Hokage yelled, frightened.

When Kakashi arrived at the Academy, he originally expected several things. He expected lovely little Sakura-chan to be a brilliant civilian koi suddenly thrust into the violent river of Shinobi life, adorable little Sasuke-kun would be a fuzzy little ball of untamable anger that would be his emotional downfall, and cute little Naruto-chan, a prankster extraordinaire that demanded constant attention. They would all yell at him for being brutally late, standard introductions, he would fail them, fail them again, and then go back to his usual boring old life. The universe disagreed with that plan.

When Kakashi first saw the eraser in the door, he had thought little of it. Always willing to make a strange impression, he decided to fall for the harmless prank. Mistake number 1.

Kakashi 0 - Demon Trio 1

He opened the door which activated the gravity seal that was attached to it. Kakashi was just barely able to doge, Shinobi reflexes kicking with the slight flicker of chakra. The eraser left a dent in the floor. A DENT IN THE FLOOR. If he had been any less the Ninja he was, that would have been his head. Calming his rapid heartbeat, Kakashi took a breath. Perhaps these students wouldn't be as unskilled as he had originally assumed. One could always purchase seals, although gravity seals were slightly harder to find… Scanning his surroundings Kakashi noted that his Genin were, in fact, not in the room. Wonderful. His eyes caught on a single piece of paper with the word Sensei, written across it. He opened it and began to read.

"Dear Sensei," The note began, "You are a tardy bastard. We're at Naruto's apartment. Sincerely, your beloved Genin team."

Kakashi sweatdropped at the note. At least he knew where they were. As soon as he put the note down, it decided to explode. There was no boom or flashy explosion, nope, orange paint everywhere. This, Kakashi was not able to dodge. He was growing to hate the color orange… Kakashi noticed another line on the note.

"P.S. Iruka said you have to clean the room."

Those little brats were going to die…

Kakashi 0 - Demon Trio 2

Authors Note/Answered Questions:

Inkdagger: So I actually have better answers for you this time! How Naruto became a Genin shall be revealed in the third chapter. Also, I wanted to start this story with team 7 being relatively equal in strength, so Sakura just has a mean punch. No chakra enhancement yet!

Just a general warning of I update when I want. Generally speaking, I have a busy schedule so some days updates may be a day apart while others are like a week or two weeks. I can pretty much only write when I am brain dead for some reason. I am glad a lot of you find this funny! I actually didn't put that much effort into making this funny. All of this is basically my sarcasm that is usually given to my family… I tend to get distracted easily, which makes me take longer. I apologize for it! Do I need to read up on the history of Kunoichi while spell checking? No. Will I? Yes.