Chapter thirteen: price of freedom

Neither the golden light of the sunset nor the hunger from not eating anything since breakfast alarmed Alicia of the time. She had been sitting on that dirty bed in various positions for the entire afternoon. Sirius Black was still with her. He was doing most of the talking. She only interrupted to ask questions.

He stopped at some point when he heard her sniff. Alicia had gotten tears in her eyes while she was listening. Everything about his life just seemed so unfair. And not just him, also for James, Lily, Remus and Harry. None of them deserved the pain they had so plentiful in their lives.

Alicia also learned more about the first war against He Who Must Not Be Named than she had done in her seven years of History of Magic. Professor Binns was notorious for boring students to sleep, but now she wondered why history had to be made so dull. Their lives were so vivid, and so close to the people she knew now. The stories about James sounded a lot like Harry. Marlene Mckinnon, who was an old classmate of the Marauders and died in the war, sounded a lot like Michelle. All these similarities made Sirius' story harder still to listen to.

'So how do you plan to take Pettigrew?' she asked after they had both been lost in thought for a while.

Sirius shrugged and stretched his neck. 'I know who I need to take to get to him, but I don't want to hurt anyone. It's going to be tricky, but I will have to act soon. In time they will find me in this place.'

'Who do you-,'

Alicia stopped mid-sentence. Both of them had heard a sound from downstairs. It were footsteps, shuffling around in the house. Alicia stood quietly and looked out the window.

'I'm such an idiot! The moon is nearly up!' Alicia whisper shouted as she grabbed her hair in desperation.

'I will leave, you can stay. He knows you're here, right?' Sirius said quickly as he closed the door to win them some time.

Alicia gave him a guilty look. 'Actually, I should have been back hours ago. I completely lost track of time. If he sees us here together he will lose his mind. No time to explain before he transforms.'

Sirius nodded. 'Alright. Only one option then.' He strode up to the girl and slipped his thin hand in her pocket. She was about to protest about violation when she felt her wand leave her pocket. He gave a cheeky wink before aiming at the boarded up window and yelling 'Bombarda!'

The boards flew out, leaving enough space for a person to fit through. Only problem was they were on the second floor. Sirius made a quick bow. 'After you Missy.' First she wanted to ask him how she wasn't going to break a leg, then she got distracted by the sound of the doorknob being turned.

'Is someone in here?' a familiar voice asked.

'Now!' Sirius whisper shouted.

She sighed in frustration but made the leap out the side of the building. She could see the ground coming up on her and remembered that landing on her feet and bending through her knees was the safest way to land. Just as she was about to hit the ground, a dark shape caught up on her and her impact was softened by its body. She looked down at the big black dog, who had her wand in its mouth. She took it and fixed the boarding on the window, so Remus wouldn't look straight down.

'Go!' she shouted to dog-Sirius. Both of them started running in the direction of the forest. It was a clear night and the moon- and starlight was illuminating everything brightly. That was why she worried most, because someone might have heard the blast and looked out to see a person and a dog running to the shadows. When they were a safe distance in the forest Alicia stopped and looked back.

'I don't think….anyone saw us,' she panted. Alicia clutched her side as she felt a stitch. She also suddenly felt how hungry and parched she was. 'Damn. I have disappeared for a day. I must have greatly worried a bunch of people.'

When she looked around Sirius was a man again. In the contrasting moonlight he looked even more like a skeleton. 'You need a good cover story. Even for Remus.'

She raised an eyebrow. 'Why? Can't I just bring the news to him? Wouldn't it be easier that way?'

He shook his head. 'You said it yourself. Remus will lose his mind if he knew you were together with a dangerous man all day. He is very protective of the ones he loves.'

A warm feeling spread through her chest. Could that be? That he loved her? 'Okay, first: you are not dangerous. That is the point. Second, I think you have another reason. Are you scared to face him?'

Sirius looked down. 'No... Maybe. I did think that he was the spy. I still feel ashamed of it.'

She walked up to him to place her hands on his shoulders. She could hardly feel flesh, mostly the sharp shapes of his bones. 'It's okay Sirius. I'm sure he will forgive you. It is just the timing that is important now.'

'Exactly,' Sirius said back, holding one of her hands in his. 'And when the time comes, you cannot interfere. I'm sorry, but this is not your story. It's between the Marauders and Harry.'

He looked solemn. He tried to convince her of his point, but Alicia had no intention of standing in the way. 'Of course. Don't worry about me. I won't be in the way.'

He smiled. 'Now, a pretty girl like you could never be 'in the way'. I can tell you one thing; Moony is lucky to have you.'

She blushed at that. He kissed the back of her hand and then turned around to leave.

'Hey Sirius?'

He turned around. 'Yeah?'

'You're not alone anymore. You've got me.'

He was too far away to be sure, but she thought she could see him smile. Then his shape changed and a black dog was running into the darkness.

Alicia sighed and tried to clear her mind. She needed a good story. She meandered back towards the castle, so occupied in her mind that she didn't hear the howls coming from the Shrieking Shack.

'WHERE ON THIS EARTH WERE YOU?!'

'Okay calm down-,'

'NO. NO NO NO YOU ARE NOT TELLING ME TO CALM DOWN!'

'Well then by all means, keep hysterically screaming. Professor McGonagall already did that just an hour ago.'

Michelle pinched the bridge of her nose so hard, Alicia was afraid she would break it. She was back in the dormitory with Michelle, Elena and Sophia. The mood in the Ravenclaw tower was sour, because they had lost the match to Gryffindor. But apart from that, a lot of Ravenclaws, other students and teachers had been even more in a bad state because they had been looking for Alicia. She had no idea she left everyone in such a state of unease.

'Look. I was really worried. Everyone was worried! I had no idea where you were. I had a lot of weird conversations today too. I asked Hermione if she knew where you were, and Harry Potter was there with her. He said he would look and he came back after ten minutes looking white as a sheet. He said: 'I can't find her at all! I think she left Hogwarts'. That was weird in itself, but he was worried too. So, I'm going to ask you one more time: where were you?'

Alicia sighed and placed her hands neatly in her lap. She was sitting on the edge of her bed, the other two girls were across from her on Sophia's bed and Michelle was pacing around between them. But now she had come to a stop. All three girls were looking at her expectantly.

'I was deep in the Forbidden Forest because I heard a rumour that there was a dragon in there. Bottom line, I couldn't find the dragon,' she said calmly.

Elena giggled. 'Yeah that sounds like you Nessie.'

Michelle's head became even redder. She took Alicia by her collar and dragged her across the room. The other girls were protesting but they stayed put when Michelle told them to. She pushed Alicia in a corner and got her face very close to her friends'.

'First I was sure you were with the professor. I tried not to worry the others too much because I thought you would return soon. But just before lunch I saw him walk around, without you. I casually asked if he had seen you since before the match and he told me you had gone your separate way. When I said that you hadn't returned he started to panic too,' Michelle told her in a threatening whisper.

Alicia sighed. 'I wasn't with him. He was worried too?'

Michelle pretended she hadn't said anything. 'But I know you two were talking about something private before the game. Did he ask you to find a bloody dragon? I don't think so.'

Alicia started to get confused. 'What are you asking me?'

'Did he send you on a dangerous mission?' Michelle asked. Alicia hated how good her friend was at investigation. Now she needed to test her poker-face. 'No! Why would you think that? You said it yourself, he doesn't want me in danger!'

'Then what did you talk about?' she asked quickly.

Alicia sighed. 'Okay. Okay. He told me that Damian, the Slytherin boy, was asking around for me. That he had found something interesting and wanted to tell me. But that when he couldn't find me, he set off on his own. He was worried the boy could get in danger. Of course he wanted to alarm other teachers but I said I could handle it. So I went in. Damian really did hear a rumour about a dragon, but it wasn't true. Now I'm covering for him so he doesn't get in trouble. I don't mind the detention.'

Michelle was accessing her. Her eyes raked over Alicia's features, trying to see behind the mask. 'Then why did no one search for Damian?'

Alicia shrugged. 'Well, I hate to be that girl, but I am a bit more popular. So I'm also easier missed.' And it's bloody annoying. Why do people worry so much about me?

Michelle started to look convinced by her story. Alicia hoped she would leave it at that. She released her from the wall and took a step backward. She ran her hands through her raven hair and suddenly she looked very tired.

'I'm sorry to have worried you so. But you know me. I can handle myself,' Alicia tried on a lighter note.

Michelle shook her head, but a small smile was tugging on her lips. 'You think you can handle yourself.' Alicia chuckled. 'Well maybe that's true.' They made eye contact for a moment. Alicia tried to make Michelle smile, and it seemed to work. 'You're not off the hook yet. I'm still interrogating that Slytherin boy.'

Alicia rolled her eyes. 'Poor Damian. He doesn't know what is coming for him.'

They sat down again and continued their conversation in a friendlier way. As expected, Sophia and Elena bought every piece of bullshit Alicia was selling. They never questioned the possibility she was lying to them. She felt worse because of that. Sometimes these two were too nice for their own good. It made Alicia feel like the bad guy.

Tomorrow was a Sunday. Michelle likes to sleep in on a Sunday. That was good news, because now Alicia had to get to the Slytherin boy before her friend could do so.

Convincing Damian to lie for her wasn't hard at all. The boy seemed starstruck when she came knocking on the Slytherin common room door asking for him. She got quite a lot of weird looks, but those didn't matter too much to her today. It was almost comical, how quickly you could stop caring about rivalry between students, or your reputation in general. She had bigger things to worry about.

At this moment, she was the only living person who knew Sirius Black was innocent. Well, she and Peter Pettigrew, who was around here somewhere in the castle. She hated the idea that the rat could be right behind her at any moment. Oh how she liked to crush the pest. But even if she found the right rat, she couldn't. If Peter died, there was no evidence of Sirius' innocence. He needed him alive long enough for Remus and Harry to see him.

And then they could kill him.

Even the thought of killing a man wasn't that alien to her anymore. Not when he was a coward, backstabber and murderer. If Sirius couldn't do it, she would. Not that she doubted Sirius could. The rage she felt now was nothing compared to how he had been feeling for twelve years in the most dire place on earth.

After talking to Damian she had a much, much harder task to accomplish. She feared this conversation more than her talk with McGonagall or Michelle, because he knew where she went. And still she couldn't tell him the truth. It wasn't good to have three different lies running around. Sooner or later people would find out she had been lying. She just hoped Sirius had caught Peter before that happened.

When she pushed the doors to the Hospital Wing open, Madam Pomfrey gave a little gasp of shock. Apparently the news that she had returned hadn't reached everyone yet. She fussed over the girl for a while before allowing her to visit 'her friend'. Reluctantly she passed by the sickbeds. However Remus wasn't there. A small moment of relief washed over her before she remembered that she was only postponing the moment.

'Sorry Madam, do you know where Professor Lupin is? He needed to talk to me about my detention. Someone told me he was in here,' she said casually to Madam Pomfrey. The older witch huffed. 'He's gone back to his rooms to rest. You should leave him be for now.'

She nodded quickly and left.

The door to the classroom was ajar. She knocked.

'Come in.'

Alicia pushed the door open and stepped inside. Remus Lupin was behind his desk in the classroom, surrounded by paperwork. When he spotted her he froze for a moment.

'Close the door please, Miss Doreen,' he said calmly.

She flinched at the formal addressing, but maybe he was afraid someone was in the hallway. She closed the door and walked up to his desk.

'It's good to see you,' he said in a pleasant tone. Alicia looked him over and noticed that he looked worse than usual. 'You left the Hospital Wing early this time. You look like you could need more rest,' Alicia said softly.

'I wanted to be here when you came to me. So our conversation wouldn't have to be in public,' he replied. Something about his tone sounded foreboding. 'So, are you here to tell me where you were, all afternoon and evening?'

Suddenly she felt weak. All the shouting she had endured. All the lies she had told. She couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't lie anymore. Not to him. Tears welled in her eyes but she didn't allow them to drop.

'No,' she whispered.

'No?' he asked, putting down his quill and crossing his arms.

'No I am not here to tell you were I was. Because I can't tell you the truth and I can't lie to you. It's a very difficult position I'm in. I'm so sorry Moony, but I cannot tell you anything. I can tell you I was safe. For the rest you just need to trust me.' Her voice was shaking and she was sniffing between her words.

Remus didn't move, he just looked very thoughtful. 'Is anyone forcing you to keep a secret?'

She shook her head.

'And you are okay? You weren't hurt?' another shake of the head. 'Then why are you crying?'

Alicia crashed down to her knees. She put her face in her hands. 'Because I hate not being able to tell you! I don't want to ask you to trust me blindly. I'm not sure you know me enough to do that. I wish I could tell you everything, but it just has to wait. It will all make sense in time.'

She sobbed quietly for a while. She was wiping away the tears, leaving her sleeves all wet. Then she felt him sit down in front of her. He placed his arms around her and pulled her close to his chest. 'Alicia, I already trust you blindly. I just wanted to make sure you weren't in danger. But if you honestly tell me not to worry and trust you, then I will. I heard you already got detention, and I'm sure your friends yelled at you too. So there is no need for me to be angry.'

She looked up at him. She felt like a mess and was sure she looked like one. 'You mean that?'

He smiled. 'Yes I do. Now, let's get you off the floor. Would you like a cup of tea with some chocolate?'

'Merlin's beard yes! Remus you are the perfect boyfriend!' she exclaimed before thinking it over.

'Alright, not too loud please. But I know I'm amazing,' he said with a chuckle. He led her into his office and closed the door for privacy. 'So you think I'm boyfriend material?' he asked jokingly.

She laughed as she wiped the tears away with a tissue he offered. 'When I'm out of this school you are so going to be boyfriend material.' They laughed together and sat down in front of the fireplace. They stayed there together for a while. Drinking tea and talking about everything and nothing. Alicia was starting to get used to just being with him, and it brought her a peace she hadn't known before. With friends she often felt awkward in silence, but she didn't have that with Remus.

The clock chimed and told them it was eleven o'clock. Alicia got up from her seat. 'I should go. I already disappeared one day, might as well keep showing my face today. So people don't start the hunt again.'

He chuckled. 'Popularity is a curse.'

She rolled her eyes. 'It is indeed!'

He was laughing even harder. 'Oh come on. Don't complain about having friends. Or admirers. I bet you love all the attention.' Alicia held her hands out, astonished. 'Are you serious?'

First he made as if to speak. Then he looked to his left at thin air. Then he exhaled deeply and looked very sad.

'What were all of those expressions? You okay?' she asked quickly.

He looked at her shortly before turning his gaze out the window. 'It's an inside joke I guess.'

Alicia waited for an explanation but it wasn't coming. 'Well I gotta go. See you soon Moony. I miss you every day.' She kissed him on his forehead and made for the door.

'I miss you too, Alicia. I'll send you an owl as soon as I can,' Remus said.

She left his office and quickly stepped down the steps into the classroom. She was still trying to understand what his 'inside joke' was about, and therefore she wasn't paying attention to her surroundings. As she opened the door into the hallway, someone was blocking her path.

'Miss….Doreen. What a surprise to find you here on a Sunday. Up to something….are we?'

Right then and there she decided she hated every single thing about Professor Snape. His slow way of talking, his stealthy walk that got her in this situation and of course the fact he left Remus to lose his consciousness during the full moon last night. With everything she had in her, she plastered a smile to her face.

'Professor Snape, good morning yourself. I was just asking Professor Lupin advice on some books about dragons. He had a couple of interesting ideas about them,' she said quickly and friendly. Luckily they had actually been discussing those books, so she wasn't even lying. Well, not completely.

'Ah yes. I heard that one of the Weasleys has offered you a position. I guess it would fit you…remote, dangerous and reckless work. And to no real point actually. It seems…fitting,' Snape sneered at her.

Alicia could only take so much. 'I'm not the only reckless one, I think. Where did you go yesterday, professor? Weren't there any important tasks you missed? Or the Quidditch game, perhaps? How wonderful that Gryffindor won, right?'

He leaned threateningly close to her. 'You should watch your mouth, girl. You don't speak with respect.'

You don't deserve respect, she thought. She was thinking it so hard it felt like she had said it out loud, but she hadn't. However, he seemed to be able to read her mind. His gaze became more dangerous.

'I'll see you later, Professor Snape,' she said through gritted teeth. She turned on her heel and walked away.

This was going to be a problem.

The rest of the Sunday was spent listening to Gryffindors wanting to share tales of their glorious victory, studying with the girls and assuring people that she was okay. It was dreadful, but she reminded herself that it could be way worse. People stopped asking questions. Michelle had interviewed Damian and seemed pleased with what he told her. Before dinner everyone had already moved on.

And so the waiting game began. The N.E.W.T.S. were drawing closer and everyone started to feel tense. Every teacher reminded them of the importance to study early. Even though Alicia wasn't stressing too much, she knew there was a lot at stake. She really didn't want another year at school. Not with a job and a man already waiting for her to pass her exams.

The first week was also full of detention hours. McGonagall had not gone easy on her, saying she was afraid the dementors had attacked her. She had gotten a week of detention, serving every day with a different teacher. She only got to know what teacher she would stay with right after dinner, so it was a big surprise. There was a big chance Remus had passed on the opportunity if he could; there would be a lot of risk in it. Another teacher could check up on them at any moment.

And finally, she was waiting for Sirius to make his move. She didn't know what his plan was to get Peter out of the castle, but she hoped he would do it quickly. Every time she saw Harry there was an impulse to tell him everything. Harry still believed Sirius was the bad guy. He might even be prepared to kill Sirius. It would be so much easier, if she could just tell the truth. But he had asked her not to get in the way, so she wouldn't. It didn't make it easier, though.

It was past lunchtime on Thursday when Alicia started to get really uneasy. She had already tried three petty excuses to skip school, but the girls weren't buying it. Michelle kept asking what was wrong, but there was no way to tell her.

Potions was exactly the hell she had been afraid of. They got back the papers that made up almost a fourth of their final grades. She had closed her eyes when the paper was thrown on her desk and was now slowly opening them. A sigh of relief left her lips.

'An Acceptable? Alicia how is that possible? We did our research together and I got an Outstanding. Look, the things that are marked here on yours are correct on mine! This is wrong- auch,'

Michelle stopped talking when Alicia kicked her under the table. She gave her a look that begged her to stop talking, but she could already feel the presence of the teacher behind her.

'Is anything wrong here?' Snape asked innocently.

Alicia looked up at him and faked a smile again. 'Nothing wrong, professor.'

He raised an eyebrow. 'Really? I just heard Miss Wright refer to something. No questions at all?...Pity.'

'Actually I do have a question, if you don't mind sir. Over here in my paper you marked that essence of Dittany is not correct. However I looked that up in the handbook. Could you explain to me what I did wrong?' She tried so hard to sound pleasant, but she already knew there was no escape. She was a new target to bully. After the stories Harry had told her, she was really not looking forward to his petty behaviour.

He turned away as he answered, his cape billowing around him. 'You didn't specify how much Dittany is needed. Pay better attention next time.'

Michelle was once again on the verge of speaking when Alicia kicked her again. 'I didn't specify that either! You can't just let this injustice happen!' Michelle whispered. Alicia looked around and saw that Snape was once more looking at the both of them.

'Don't give him a reason,' Alicia whispered back under her breath.

Snape seemed disappointed that they were quiet after that. When the class ended Michelle basically exploded in the hallway. Elena and Sophia were agreeing with everything she said. 'You can't just do that! You should go to Flitwick and report this!'

Alicia sighed. 'No use. It will only make it worse. Look, I passed, and that is enough. I'll do extra research next time so he won't be able to get to me again. This time I was unprepared.'

'But why? Why did he do this, Alicia?' Elena asked.

'Because I just became Snape's new bullying target. That slimy git never grew up past his self-esteem issues,' Alicia exclaimed irritated.

'Well, you're not wrong,' said a voice behind them.

They had just passed Harry, Ron and Hermione without noticing. Alicia looked at Harry, who gave her a sympathetic smile. 'I know how it feels. I wish I could say it gets better…'

Alicia walked up to him and hugged him quickly. 'Harry don't worry about me. I'll be out of this school in a couple of months. You are still in it for the long run. But hey, maybe he will be more focused on me now and leave you alone for a bit.' Harry smiled at her. Harry really did have the kindest eyes. I wanna tell him.

She shook her head and released the younger boy. 'Good luck in there,' she said while pointing back at the dungeons. He sighed. 'Thanks. I bet it will be brilliant.'

They said their goodbyes and the Ravenclaws continued on their way.

'But did you do anything to piss him off? Why does he suddenly target you?' Sophia asked. Alicia shrugged. 'I saw him in the hallway on Sunday. I was a bit groggy. Maybe I insulted him without thinking. Who knows? Sometimes I think he doesn't need a reason. He just picks easy targets.'

'How are you an easy target? You are popular, have a lot of self-esteem and are loved by many teachers,' Elena brought in. Alicia giggled to herself. 'Maybe that's just it. I'm everything he wishes to be! Can you imagine him with my long blonde hair? He would flip it around all day!'

That caused a round of uncontrollable laughter from all four of them. Alicia felt happy she could still have those silly moments with her friends. She was going to miss those one day.

If Alicia thought the day couldn't get any worse, she was wrong. Right after dinner Michelle and Elena, who were sitting opposite Alicia and Sophia at the Ravenclaw table, were looking up over her head with similar looks of shock and horror.

I guess I know who my teacher for tonight is. Alicia sighed and got up before Snape could say anything.

Later, much later that evening she shuffled back into the Ravenclaw common room. The three girls watched Alicia carefully. Her hair was a mess, her hands looked rough and dirty and her sleeves were stained. She also had huge dark circles under her eyes and walked like her feet were hurting.

'Merlin's beard! What did he do to you?' Sophia gasped. 'Are you okay Nessie?'

Alicia fell down on the couch between two of her friends. Her head rolled back on the seat and she closed her eyes. 'He made me clean all the cauldrons he could find. I think I did thirty, or thirty-five. I lost count after my nails were broken and my index finger started bleeding. He fixed the wound up quickly but just so I could continue. Severus Snape is a bloody demon.'

The rest of the evening they spoiled her as much as they could. After a hot shower she was rolled up in a blanket in front of the fire, with hot cocoa and a biscuit. Elena fuzzed over her nails, making sure they looked a bit less rough and Michelle combed through her long hair.

'You guys are the best a woman could wish for.'

'We know.'